Forrest Griffin on Fox and Friends – Watch more Funny Videos
(Video courtesy Fox)

Former UFC light heavyweight champion Forrest Griffin appeared on Fox and Friends this morning to discuss his second book, Be Ready When the Sh*t Goes Down: A Survival Guide to the Apocalypse. 

Although the release of the book isn’t necessarily a newsworthy event, what is worth noting is that Griffin will be donating the entire proceeds of the sale of the book to a number of charities, including one that has been set up for the young son of his dear late friend John Grantham, who was referred to throughout his first book "Got Fight" as "Big John."

Nothing against Forrest Griffin here.  He seems like a genuinely good guy and hard-working fighter.  But he is 29 years old.  He held the UFC light heavyweight title for about five minutes.  Why would I want to read his book Got Fight? at this particular point in time?  Its clichéd title notwithstanding (how long did it take to think of that, about eight seconds?), I’m not sure I see the appeal.

Maybe this is just a pet peeve of mine, but I hate when fairly young people without an especially amazing story to tell put a book out.  At least Tori Spelling was in her mid-thirties when she released sTori Telling.  I realize the rules are a little different in this field, so let me go ahead and list what I see as the five scenarios under which you may release a book if you’re a pro fighter.  Hopefully this will clear up some confusion.

1) You’re a Legend of the Sport
Randy Couture?  Yeah, he gets to put a book out.  He’s old enough and has been in the sport long enough to have some interesting insights.  Chuck Liddell?  It’s a little bit of a stretch, but sure.  Tito Ortiz?  Okay, I guess.  But guys who are still in the middle of their careers, why?  Wouldn’t we rather wait and get your perspective once it’s all over, or at least close to over?

          (Props: MMA Payout)

Say you’re total moron and you want to learn to become a devastating MMA fighter and impress all your moronic friends.  What better way to learn than with the help of Frank Shamrock and full color photographs?  You can pre-order this bad boy from Amazon right now, and check out what you’ll be getting for your money:

A thorough introduction to this wildly popular combat sport–in FULL COLOR!

Mixed martial arts, or MMA, is a combat sport that combines practices from several martial arts, including boxing, wrestling, karate, jiu jitsu, muay thai, and judo. Featuring more than 150 step-by-step, full-color photos illustrating proper technique, this guide by MMA legend Frank Shamrock provides novices with a firm foundation in MMA fundamentals. Shamrock introduces readers to his famous training and fighting system and provides instruction on each aspect of MMA in clear, concise detail, including striking, fighting from the clinch, takedowns, grappling, submissions, and escapes.
 

Frank Shamrock (San Jose, CA) has earned titles as the Ultimate Fighting Championship middleweight, World Extreme Cagefighting light-heavyweight, and Strikeforce middleweight. He is the color commentator for CBS’s EliteXC: Saturday Night Fight.

I think you mean was the commentator for EliteXC, but no biggie.  

Honestly, if there’s anyone who can teach the dummies of the world a thing or two about MMA, it’s Frank Shamrock.  Step one: read the book.  Step two: become a world champion fighter.  Step three: walk away.  Step four: spend the next few years fighting intermittently and talking about how great you used to be.  Step five: get braces.

There you go.  Tell me that ain’t worth $16.49 plus shipping.

Perhaps this is a sign that MMA has truly hit the mainstream, although it’s enough to make you wish it hadn’t.  Lori Foster is a best-selling romance novelist who is apparently also a huge MMA fan.  I guess it only makes sense that she would blend these two passions in her new novel My Man, Michael.  But wait, it gets better.  And by better I mean worse.  Just check out this plot synopsis:

Michael thinks an injury will keep him from fighting again until a woman shows up and promises to heal him. But, he must travel with her and teach a community of woman warriors to fight in return.  Imagine Michael’s surprise when she fulfills her end of the bargain and finds that, to fulfill his he must travel into the future!

Oh, good.  A romance novel about MMA that also includes time travel.  Nothing like a little half-assed science fiction to go with your clichéd plotlines and completely absurd dialogue.  What’s not to love?

I don’t point this book out to bash Lori Foster or the romance novel genre in general, since doing so is like pointing out the stupidity of romantic comedies.  Everyone knows they’re terrible, but they sell, so they’re allowed to continue.  Instead, I point it out as a way of asking, why can’t we get a real MMA novel, the way there used to be real, awesome boxing novels, like The Professional and The Knockout Artist?  Instead we get shit like this.  Here’s an excerpt from the first chapter, just to piss you off:

(Photo courtesy of Amazon.com)

This is both a very good and very difficult time to write a book about mixed martial arts.  Good, because interest in the sport is at an all-time high.  Difficult, because you can’t assume your audience already knows anything about the sport, including basic terminology and modern origins.  The hardcore fan doesn’t want to hear the same familiar back story about the Gracie family again, but the new fan (or the simply curious, book-buying non-fan) needs that info just to understand the conversation.  

This is a problem.  With Blood in the Cage, L. Jon Wertheim has solved it in a way that should appeal to the masses without boring or condescending to the aficionados.  That alone is an accomplishment. 

The way Wertheim manages it is by weaving together two stories: Pat Miletich’s and MMA’s.  The book is essentially a biography of both, using one as a jumping off point for the other.  

To that end, Miletich might be the perfect choice.  His rise from local Iowa ass-kicker to martial arts enthusiast to UFC champ to trail-blazing trainer is not only interesting enough to keep you turning pages, it’s also a story that largely mirrors the rise of MMA in America.  

Randy Couture’s “memoirs” are out, co-written by Sherdog’s Loretta Hunt. “Becoming the Natural” is sure to be an instant classic in the ‘sports books written by someone else in the first-person voice of the famous person’ genre, which we love. If you’re interested in getting your copy signed, Couture is beginning a book tour on July 21 and will be hitting the following sporadic spots:

- Monday, July 21st – NYC / Virgin Megastore Times Square (6:00 PM)
- Tuesday, July 22nd – NYC / Borders Wall Street (12:30 PM) AND Bookends in Ridgewood, NJ (6:00)
- Thursday, July 24th – San Diego / Camp Pendleton (6:00 PM)
- Monday, July 28th – LA / Virgin Megastore Hollywood & Highland (7:00 PM)
- Tuesday, July 29th – Torrance, CA / Borders (7:00 PM)
- Wednesday, July 30th – Long Beach CA / B&N (7:00 PM)
- Thursday, July 31st – Las Vegas / B&N (7:00 PM)
- Monday, August 4th – Chicago / Borders in Schaumberg (7:30 PM)
- Tuesday, August 5th – Cincinnati / Joseph-Beth Booksellers (7:00 PM)

Amazon describes it as “the remarkable story of one of the world’s most gifted and dedicated athletes — a born fighter whose skill and showmanship have helped to lift mixed martial arts out of the shadows and into the mainstream.”

They also say he wins fights with “the seemingly effortless ease with which lesser mortals eat or breathe.” Hyperbole, it seems, is the book synopsis writer’s best friend.

Well, that was chaotic, wasn’t it? Luckily, commenter ‘Geoffr0y’ nailed all 5 answers at 2:43 p.m.:

1) A place of peace and prosperity (or as Chuck wrote, “House of Peace and Prosperity”)
2) Dana White
3) 2 kids by 2 mothers
4) Green
5) Jägermeister

Three minutes later, Geoffr0y realized the futility of this contest, and wrote: “Fuck this shit, we’re all just guessing. Whats the point of a contest where you have to already own the prize to win it? I’m going to the Gym.”

Well, Geoffr0y, I hope you had a good workout…BECAUSE YOU JUST WON THE SIGNED COPY OF ICEMAN!!! E-mail your address to feedback@cagepotato.com and we’ll get it to you ASAP. Big ups to everyone for playing. The final round of the Iceman caption contest goes down next Monday, so stay loose.

Totally unrelated: EliteXC just announced that Miami-based rap artist Pitbull will be performing at Street Certified on Saturday. Damn — I hope the BankUnited Center is insured. In honor of the booking, here’s the video to “Bojangles.”

We’ve been giving away copies of Iceman: My Fighting Life for the last couple of weeks, and during that time, it’s been my go-to for bathroom-reading. Consequently, I’ve learned a lot about Chuck that I didn’t know before — things that only devoted fans and family members would know. We’re taking a break from the caption contest this week, but we’d like to send an autographed copy of Iceman to the first reader who can correctly answer the questions after the jump, which are based on facts pulled from the book itself (UPDATE: We have a winner). But first, we’d like to excerpt our absolute favorite part of Iceman, which basically confirms that all the stories you’ve heard about the guy are true. Read it and weep:

Here’s what happens when you win a big fight: Girls flock to you. I was once at a club in Vegas with my girlfriend after I had beaten some guy up, and right in front of my girl, another woman came up to us and handed me her key. When I fought Tito, I wasn’t dating anyone seriously. So after a night of celebrating at the clubs, I brought some company back up to my room. A lot of company. I can’t remember how many woman, but I know it was more than two. I had promised Dana the gloves and trunks from the fight, and he had forgotten to get them in the celebration after. He came by my room in the morning, knocked on the door, and someone let him in. He saw two girls asleep in the living room, two more girls in the bathroom, and a girl in bed with me. None of us had any clothes on. And Dana remembers seeing condoms hanging from the lamps, on the floor, pretty much everywhere. He looked at me, asked me for the gloves and the trunks, then said, “Get the hell out of here.” I ended the morning by having sex while doing an interview on the phone with a radio station. Again, I’m not trying to brag. This is just the way it was.

And now that we’re all in the mood, the trivia contest:

(Matt Hughes “taking it” from GSP.)

An entry on Matt Hughes’ official blog yesterday announced that his book “Matt Hughes – Made in America” has reached number 21 on the New York Times Best Seller List. Here’s the announcement:

We just got the NY Times bestseller list in, and MADE IN AMERICA is #21! Thanks to all the fans for making this happen.

I did in fact go to the New York Times website and did not see the former UFC welterweight champ’s book listed there. I was ready to scream bullshit, or cry wolf, or whatever else it is someone roars when they think they’ve been duped – or want to start a revolution. Then an edit popped up on Matt’s blog and it appears he may have pulled it off.

EDIT: If you go to the NY Times website, you will see a list posted there that is dated January 20th, 2008 and MADE IN AMERICA is not on that list. That list only reflects sales for the week ending January 5th. My book should be on the list for the week ending January 12th, which hasn’t been posted to their website yet; but it should be in a week or two.

-Matt

Literary giant Matt Hughes is in Los Angeles this week hawking his autobiography “Matt Hughes – Made in America”. I caught his interview on the Mark and Brian show over at 95.5 KLOS this morning, where Hughes chatted about having “farmboy strength”, his kids, his allegedly hot wife, eating carbs, and his future plans. While nothing in this interview blew my skirt up, hard-core Hughes fans might want to check out the podcast when it goes on line – most likely later this week. Matt also took calls from listeners and dished out sage advice, like this piece of wisdom to one 14-year-old aspiring fighter:

“Never take a fight you don’t think you can win.”

Um, no shit. Guess that’s his farmboy smarts coming into play. The former champ also confirmed again that he will fight for another year or two, but is taking some time off right now. If you do check out the podcast, be ready to cringe at Mark and Brian’s idea of witty, as well as their absolute zero knowledge of the sport.

Matt Hughes was on Cincinnati’s 700 WLW with Jim Scott yesterday and Hughes has confimed he will keep fighting for the UFC. Props to 5oz of Pain for snagging this quote:

“Yes, I am. I can’t go out on a loss like that. I’m too much of a competitor. I’m 34 years old, my body’s actually extremely healthy from what I’ve done my whole life. If you look at it, Chuck Liddell, I think he’s 37 or 38, Randy Couture’s close to 43 and he’s called the most dominant heavyweight right now. So if you look at the timeline, I’ve got plenty of fights left in me.” 

So it looks like Hughes could be eyeballing Serra if the current welterweight champ falls to GSP in April. About damn time those two face off. Click here to the check out the rest of the Hughes radio interview.

(Twin Mulletteers, Mark and Matt Hughes)

We’ve already mentioned the bitch-fest that is Mark Hughes’ autobiography, “Matt Hughes – Made in America”. If reading the tome – which was released today –  isn’t good enough for you and you just gotta’ have it signed by the recently defeated asshole author, you can find Matt Hughes at one of the following locations:

NEW YORK CITY
Monday @ 7:00 PM
Barnes & Noble #2021
2245 Richmond Avenue
Staten Island, NY 10314 7 Jan 08

NEW YORK CITY
Tuesday @ 7:00PM
Bookends
232 East Ridgewood Avenue
Ridgewood, New Jersey 07450 8 Jan 08

“Tim Sylvia walked over to me during practice. His back was hunched a bit, like Pat’s is, but Pat I could look in the face. ‘Can I talk to you a second?’ he asked.

“Sure thing.” He led me into an office and we sat down on two chairs.

“No one here’s got a problem with me except you,” he began.“When I first started, Jens would say I’m a fat piece of s*** who’s never going to amount to anything, and he’d get me crying, but now even Jens likes me. Is there a problem?”

As you may have heard, the UFC is releasing a 392-page coffee-table book called Octagon. Limited to a run of just 600 copies, weighing over 50 pounds, and coming with a price tag of $2,500 (or $3,500 for the Deluxe Collector’s Edition), the book collects five years worth of portrait and action photography of UFC fighters shot by Kevin Lynch. In this video, Lynch gives some insight on the project’s creation and his attention-getting “Before and After” pictures:

To check out photos from the book — and you might as well, considering you’ll never, ever own this thing — go to Octagon-Book.com.