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Tag: branding

The UFC Wants to Pump, [Clap], You Up

UFC gyms training MMA
(Who wants to have their weight proportional to their f*ckin’ height? Image courtesy of

Don’t renew your Curves membership just yet. From a new press release on

The fastest growing sports organization in the world, the Ultimate Fighting Championship® (UFC®) in partnership with New Evolution Fitness Company (NEFC), today announced plans to launch a nationwide and global network of UFC gyms.
“UFC Gyms is something we’ve been looking at for a long time, it completely made sense to me when we found the right partner in Mark Mastrov — this is the guy who has created some of the most powerful fitness brands in the world,” said Dana White, UFC President. “UFC gyms are going to shake up the fitness industry the way UFC shook up the sports industry. All the energy and excitement that we have brought to the fight business we are now going to bring to the fitness business. There is going to be something for everybody at all levels — from first timers to world class athletes — we’re going to get people excited and motivated to work out and get in great shape.”

TapouT Knows What the Kids Want

Mask Punkass Skyskrape Tapout
(Would you let these men design your child’s bed?)

From a Press-Enterprise profile on the growth of the Tapout brand:

Its following is such that TapouT now enjoys the trappings of celebrity, including its own TV show, Hollywood-agency representation and product licensing that goes beyond fight gear. There will soon be TapouT bottled water and energy drinks, and it’s also considering lending its name to youth bedroom furniture.

“It’s very cool — we’re looking at what would be sort of a caged bed,” said Dan Caldwell, one of the company’s founders, who goes by the name Punkass.

Well, it finally happened — TapouT has become drunk with their own power. Either that, or they’ve run out of ideas. The t-shirt juggernaut now offers everything from bikinis to rash guards to belt buckles to sandals; basically, anything you can conceivably wear, you can buy a version of it with the TapouT logo. So now what? Energy drinks, sure, that one’s a no-brainer. But what other products can they stamp their “inyaface” ‘tude onto? I have to say, an S&M bed for children wouldn’t have been my first guess. First of all, they’re probably too big to sell at Hot Topic. And also, A CAGED *BED*, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING *MINDS*?!?

You know I don’t like to speak ill of others, but it feels like TapouT might be starting to extend past its area of expertise (apparel), and, you know, dilute the brand or whatever (furniture?). I imagine Mask, Punkass, and Skyscrape sitting around their office, mountains of cocaine in front of them, spitballing ideas. “Bros, don’t even trip, I’ve got our next trillion-dollar idea,” Mask says. “Dig it: CageBed.” Meanwhile, Alejandro Sosa’s hit squad is swarming into the compound, but they’re all too high to notice what’s happening on the security cameras. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

(Props to Robert at MMAPayout for the tip.)