It seems like every MMA site and their brother has put out a ranking of hottest MMA wives and girlfriends. For this list, we’re more interested in the couples who would kick the most ass together in a street-fight — or in one of those freaky-ass tag-team MMA bouts. If we’ve left out any notable MMA couples, holler at us in the comments section…

#6: BRANDON AND KERRY VERA

Combined MMA record: 13-6
Status: Married since 2006
Tough cred: Brandon’s career skid in the UFC has culminated in three consecutive losses (though that last one might be overturned). On the bright side, his adorable wife Kerry is currently 2-0 as a mixed martial artist following a successful kickboxing career, including a first-round shellacking of Kim Couture in her Strikeforce debut.

#5. JORGE GURGEL AND ZOILA FRAUSTO

Combined MMA record: 23-8
Status: Just married
Tough cred: Like the Veras, the male half of this couple has had a tough go of it lately, losing four of his last five fights; Jorge will have a chance to redeem himself against Tyler Combs on the preliminary card of Strikeforce: Feijao vs. Henderson on March 5th. Meanwhile, Frausto has established herself as one of the greatest female fighters in the world, grabbing Bellator’s 115-pound title and putting an end to Megumi Fujii’s 22-fight win streak. (She’ll also be returning to action on March 5th, against Karina Hallinan at Bellator 35.) Hopefully that isn’t a problem for Gurgel’s ego.

(“Oh God! His tiny, shriveled balls are digging into my back!” / Photo courtesy of MMA Weekly)

After taking his third-straight loss against a bitch-slappin’ Thiago Silva at UFC 125 on New Year’s Day, light-heavyweight Brandon Vera was given his walking papers by the promotion. But according to FiveOuncesofPain and MMAJunkie, the UFC has had a change of heart, and has reinstated Vera’s contract. The reason for the flip-flop seems to be Silva’s mysterious drug test from that fight, which is still under scrutiny by the Nevada State Athletic Commission. The result of the Vera/Silva bout is expected to be changed to a “no contest,” and Silva will be facing a fine and suspension if the reports are accurate.

Last week, Vera went on The Ryan Loco Show and responded to the recent rumors of Silva’s ‘roid-usage. As he explained, it wouldn’t surprise him, and he wants revenge:

(Don’t give him any money. You know he’ll just spend it on N.O.-Xplode. Photo courtesy of Myron Watkins.)

By CagePotato contributor Jason Moles

This week, our nation’s attention has been captured by redneck birds and the Golden Voice Hobo, only one of which has a happy ending. (No, not that kind…the other kind. Yes, there is another kind.) The rags-to-riches-to-rags-and-back-to-riches tale of fortune for Ted Williams is the polar opposite of that of many fighters lately. In the last two weeks, Zuffa has cut six fighters and suspended one more. The economy is still in the can and homeboys gotta eat, so if Strikeforce or Bellator don’t come calling soon, this is where you’re going to see ‘The Expendables’ next:

Brandon "The Truth" Vera: Some believe the number 13 to be unlucky, and for Vera it was. After exactly that many fights in the Octagon, his days in the spotlight are over. From now on he’ll be slinging dinuguan [Ed. note: Eww.] with a side of balut  [Ed. note: *barfs*] at his aunt and uncle’s restaurant, Manila Good-Ha, in L.A.’s Koreatown. It’s a match made in heaven for Vera because he’ll never have to worry about getting punched in the nose again — that is, unless he back-talks his wife Kerry. He’s just gotta make sure Jon Jones’s order is just how he likes it.

Marcus "The Irish Hand Grenade" Davis: The former TUF 2 contestant will grow out his hair and learn how to drop flying-elbows off the top turnbuckle. Davis will join forces with Samoa Joe, the man he trained back in 2008, to form the world’s most obscure tag-team since The Oddities. At some point Marc Mero, also a former boxer, will come out of retirement to challenge The Irish Hand Grenade to a Caribbean Strap Match for bragging rights as the best ‘real’ fighter in TNA. Dan Hardy will interfere and cost him the match leaving him to reconsider life in some barn with his ex-Army sniper friend.

(Above: Brandon Vera gets smashed up by Jon Jones in March. Below: Marcus Davis does his best Abobo impression during his fight with Nate Diaz.)

It’s not like we didn’t see this coming. After Phil Baroni and Antonio McKee lost their jobs, there was no way that the axe wasn’t going to drop again on UFC 125‘s other repeat-losers. Here’s the latest…

Brandon Vera: The Truth has been released from his UFC contract after his shutout decision loss to Thiago Silva, which represented Vera’s third consecutive defeat, and sixth loss in his last nine outings. Due to the nasty broken nose he suffered last weekend, Vera won’t be able to compete anywhere until March 3rd at the earliest.

Marcus Davis: The Irish Hand Grenade has also been bounced out of the Octagon. Davis’s knockout loss against Jeremy Stephens was his fifth loss in his last eight attempts, and second-straight defeat by stoppage. The TUF 2 vet was hoping to re-invent himself as a lightweight, and had controlled Stephens in the first two rounds before having his lights put out in the third. Davis is one of only eight UFC fighters who have earned five or more performance bonuses.

Instead of piling on the abuse, let’s remember Vera and Davis for the dangerous, exciting fighters they used to be before their luck abruptly ran out. Video proof is after the jump…

Can-crusher (n.): MMA fighter who makes his reputation by destroying the weak and inexperienced, but falls apart when faced with an opponent who’s half-decent. In no particular order, here are the eight fighters who have defined "can-crushing" more than anybody else in the sport, beginning with one who should still be very fresh in your minds…

BRANDON VERA (11-6)

Notable cans crushed in the last three years: Reese Andy, Mike Patt
Biggest win in the last three years: Krzysztof Soszynski
Recent losses: Thiago Silva, Jon Jones, Randy Couture
A cautionary tale about believing your own hype, Brandon Vera’s career has unfolded in two distinct phases: The "sky’s the limit" phase, in which Vera hacked through every opponent in his path, culminating in his beat-down of former champ Frank Mir at UFC 65 — and the "when is this dude getting fired?" phase, marked by contract disputes, unchecked ego, underwhelming performances, and a half-dozen losses. Following the Thiago Silva fight at UFC 125, we expect the Truth to be sent back down to the minors where he can prey on scrubs for a while.

ALEKSANDER EMELIANENKO (17-4)

Notable cans crushed in the last three years: Miodrag Petkovic, Eddy Bengtsson, Ibragim Magomedov, Sang Soo Lee
Biggest win in the last three years: Honestly, he hasn’t beaten anybody worth mentioning.
Recent loss: Peter Graham
Fedor’s younger brother built a fearsome reputation in PRIDE for his ice-cold demeanor and lightning-fast knockouts of equally scary-looking mofos like James Thompson and Ricardo Morais. But ever since he left the Japanese scene in 2006 to compete almost exclusively in Europe, his career has drifted steadily out of relevance. A 2008 deal with Affliction signaled a return to meaningful competition, but it didn’t work out — reportedly because of health issues that he has denied ever since. His painful loss to Peter Graham last month suggested that even his can-crushing days might be coming to an end.

("Whaddya mean we got four more rounds? I thought this fight was supposed to be a boring wrestlefest.")

Well, UFC 125 is in the books and to say fans got a few surprises from the card that many had written off as being an inevitable snoozefest would be an understatement.

The main event lightweight championship bout between champ Frankie Edgar and apt challenger Gray Maynard, which ended in a hotly debated split draw, delivered the goods earning well-deserved Fight of the Night honors.

According to UFC president Dana White, because the fight, which he admitted could have been stopped in the opening frame, was so close and because so many fans want to see the rubber match, he reversed the announcement made by UFC vice president Craig Borsari at the post-fight press conference that Anthony Pettis is next in line for a shot at Edgar’s crown and says he will instead be slotting in Edgar-Maynard III for some time in early 2011.

(Video courtesy YouTube/MMAFighting)

(Above: "You’re lucky our dads are here, dweeb. I’ll just take that fancy little belt of yours next time." Below: Something old, something new… / Photos courtesy of the UFC 125 Weigh In Pics gallery on CombatLifestyle.com)

Good lord, is it really 2011 already? I’m still writing "PRIDE NEVA DIE" on all my checks! Another unpredictable year of MMA begins tonight in Las Vegas, as lightweight underdog-champion Frankie Edgar attempts to make title defense #2 against old rival Gray Maynard. Plus: Chris Leben and Nate Diaz try to keep their streaks going, Brandon Vera fights for his job, and a lightweight smash-up between Clay Guida and Takanori Gomi. Click through for round-by-round UFC 125 updates — beginning at 9 p.m. ET with the live prelims broadcast on ION — and remember to refresh the page every few minutes for the latest results. Let’s all try to be the best keyboard warriors we can be this year, okay guys?

(Video courtesy WUSA9 News)

When Lloyd Irvin successfully disarmed a gun-toting home invader back in October 2008, he may have dodged a much bigger bullet than being robbed, as was assumed to be the reason behind the break in at his Maryland home.

According to a report by news channel WUSA9, one of the suspects in the case has been labeled as a possible serial killer by Prince George’s County Police Chief, Robert Hylton.

Here’s the 911 call made by Irvin’s wife that night.

(The cover of Fight!’s May 2010 issue, on newsstands now.)

Thank God as you understand Him it’s Friday, right guys? I remembered to actually look at a few of your comments this week, which means it’s time to give away one-year Fight! Magazine subscriptions to three lucky bastards. And those bastards are… 

steampunk22 on "Filho Blames Bellator for Visa Issues; Says Organization Was Scared Because They Heard He Was in Shape":
Ariel Helwani demonstrates what six weeks of the "Overeem Horsemeat Diet" can accomplish. Plaid shirts will never look the same again.

(Video courtesy YouTube/Fight Science)

Brandon Vera appeared on Sport Science, (which must have been filmed prior to his face-breaking loss to Jon Jones on March 21 since his mug looks pretty normal) to compare the muay thai kicks of Shogun to the karate kicks of Machida. 

The episode is pretty interesting and the results of "The Truth’s" experiment of repeatedly kicking the head off of a crash test dummy revealed a few things.

1. Muay thai kicks are more powerful than karate kicks

2. Karate kicks are faster than muay thai kicks

3. I never want to be at the receiving end of a Vera kick — especially not one to my head or extremely handsome face.

(Click the above image to watch a sleepy, drugged-up Brandon Vera try to explain what happened to him on Sunday night.)

We just wanted to pass along a little update on Brandon Vera’s broken face following his beating by Jon Jones at UFC on Versus. Vera reportedly had surgery last night to fix his dislocated cheekbone, which was in woeful shape after absorbing that fight-ending elbow:

In other words, Vera won’t be back until the fall or winter, assuming that his face eventually returns to normal. And when he does come back, what will be waiting for him? A full-time position as a gatekeeper for up-and-comers? Most likely, he’ll have one more chance to prove that he has any sort of value to the company. Who would you put him up against at this point?

(Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle.com)

This week’s caption contest brought in over 350 entries — and yet none of them were references to Dr. Manhattan. Crazy. After considering all of your brilliant work, we’ve chosen three winners who will score Five Principles t-shirts from Tokyo Five. But first, some honorable mentions:

Desimus: Here you can see Rogan and Vera playing a game of "Guess where bits of my face will end up!"

Smitty: Yes, to the gentleman in the back…..I wear the speedo to show why I talk like a black man.

Ring_Rust619: "Hey honey, this is how many fights I have left till we have to rely on you winning fights to pay the mortgage"

Phil Bologna: "Strikeforce is that way!!!"

therussianglamourpuss: Brandon Vera and Joe Rogan point to their modesty and objectivity, both of which remained a good distance away.
therussianglamourpuss: Brandon Vera would rather go naked than wear Tapout.
[Ed. note: Great first effort, glamourpuss. Welcome aboard.]

ArmFarmer: I’m not reading 6 pages of this bullshit. I’m just going to assume that like the first page there is about 2 funny comments per page, the rest are unfunny to the point that they are painful to read, and 80% of them have something to do with an auction or a clock.

And now, your grand-prize winners:

(Careful, Clay. She’s just after the money. / Photo courtesy of the UFC on Versus Afterparty Pics gallery on CombatLifestyle.com)
 
The UFC paid out $913,000 in disclosed salaries and bonuses for last Sunday’s UFC on Versus: Vera vs. Jones show — a hefty total for a free-TV event — with Junior Dos Santos, Cheick Kongo, and Clay Guida cracking the six-figure mark. The numbers are below, courtesy of MMA Junkie. Keep in mind that they don’t include income from sponsorships and undisclosed "locker room bonuses," or deductions for taxes, insurance, licensing fees, and funny hats.

Jon Jones: $90,000 (includes $20,000 win bonus, $50,000 Knockout of the Night bonus)
def. Brandon Vera: $60,000

Junior Dos Santos: $120,000 (includes $35,000 win bonus, $50,000 Knockout of the Night bonus)
def. Gabriel Gonzaga: $67,000

Cheick Kongo: $110,000 (includes $55,000 win bonus)
def. Paul Buentello: $40,000

Alessio Sakara: $42,000 (includes $21,000 win bonus)
def. James Irvin: $20,000

Clay Guida: $100,000 (includes $25,000 win bonus, $50,000 Submission of the Night bonus)
def. Shannon Gugerty: $9,000

Yesterday, we posted a GIF of Jon Jones slugging the shit out of an escort during his cage-entrance at Sunday’s UFC on Versus show. Turns out it was a rough night for the security staff overall. As caposa points out, two more non-combatants got assaulted during Brandon Vera‘s entrance, this time by fans. Poor guys. They should get safety goggles. And headgear. And tazers to shock the shit out of those drunk D-bags.

If you watched that video of Bas Rutten beating up an entire cooking show, you may have thought to yourself, "My, I wish I had that handsome white t-shirt with the devil’s face and strange words at the top." (Come on, at least one of you must have thought that.) The shirt in question is known as the "Five Principles", one of the standout designs from Tokyo Five, an apparel company that specializes in jeans as well as custom tees for MMA fighters like Matt Serra and Gabriel Gonzaga. T5 was cool enough to hook us up with a few of those Five Principles shirts, which we’re going to give away to you, our beloved readers. Well, maybe not give away; you’ll have to work for them. Specifically, you’ll have to come up with hilarious captions to the photo after the jump…

(The upside is, now Vera’s sure to get that role as Sloth in the "Goonies" remake. Photo courtesy of UFC.com)

That sickening, dead meat smacking sound you heard when Jon Jones landed his fight-ending elbow strike on Brandon Vera last night? That was the sound of Vera’s face being rearranged. The word is that Vera suffered three broken bones in his face last night, and the injuries are severe enough that he was reportedly prevented from boarding a plane to go home.

That might not have been a big deal if the fight had been in Las Vegas. He could always pass the time by buying himself a cold one and walking down to see the pirate battle outside of Treasure Island, or else wander around the M&M’s store with all the senile old ladies from Wisconsin. Not a bad way to waste time while you wait for your face to regain its structural integrity, really.

But damn, you’re telling me Vera is stuck in Broomfield, Colorado? Not only did he lose the fight and get his face smashed, but he also has to sit around his hotel room watching an endless stream of shows about Nazis on the History Channel, while sending his cornermen down the hall for ice every ten minutes? That, my friends, is a special little slice of hell.

(Don’t fear Cheick Kongo’s patented elbow-to-hip attack. Fear the career consequences of tapping out to it. Photo courtesy of UFC.com)

After a bizarre night of injuries, illegal blows, and confusing stoppages, we sort through the raw data to arrive at a number we made up out of nowhere in order to assess who’s up, who’s down, and by how much after the UFC’s first event on Versus.

Jon Jones +86
We were expecting more of a stand-up battle, but as long as you can take the guy down so easily, why risk it? The win was impressive, and yet expected. For his next act, he’s got to face a top contender.

Brandon Vera -82
When the most significant blow you land in a fight is an illegal one, you know it was a bad night. Going home with a lump the size of a golf ball on your eye probably doesn’t cheer you up any, especially when you just lost your third fight in the last five outings. At this stage in his career, “The Truth” is no longer a friend to Vera.

(Photo courtesy of MMA Fighting.)
 
So, weird night, huh? The main card of UFC on Versus: Vera vs. Jones gave us two fights where guys were docked points for illegal blows, two fights that ended with the losers grabbing their eyes in pain, Cheick Kongo transforming into a boring wrestler, and referees being applauded for their brilliant decisions. I’m still waiting for the hail of frogs. And here’s another bit of strangeness: The UFC decided to hand out three Knockout of the Night bonuses after the show, but no Fight of the Night bonuses. The $50,000 bumps went to the following scrappers…

Knockout of the Night #1: Jon Jones, for caving in Brandon Vera‘s head with an elbow that came from an acceptable clock-position.

Knockout of the Night #2: Junior Dos Santos, for wasting Gabriel Gonzaga and picking up his fifth-straight KO/TKO in the UFC.

Knockout of the Night #3: John Howard, for starching Daniel Roberts in the only prelim fight that was shown on the broadcast.

Submission of the Night: Clay Guida, for his arm-triangle tap of Shannon Gugerty. (Who else are they gonna give it to, Kongo for submitting Paul Buentello via leg-elbows?)

Some important notes from the press conference:

("Room for the Holy Ghost, kids. Your mothers raised you better than that." Photo courtesy of the UFC on Versus Weigh In Pics gallery on CombatLifestyle.)

Because pay-per-view and Spike TV are not enough to contain all the UFC’s awesomeness, Versus is presenting four fights tonight that could all end in thrilling knockouts, and will momentarily make us forget that we’re missing the season premiere of Breaking Bad. In this extra-special Lord’s Day Liveblog™, Jon Jones tries to live up to his hype against a man who once fell prey to his own, Junior Dos Santos continues his warpath in the heavyweight division against fellow meat-skewer aficionado Gabriel Gonzaga, Cheick Kongo and Paul Buentello throw bombs for the hell of it, and lightning will strike James Irvin on his way to the cage. Yes, indoor lightning. Live results from UFC on Versus: Vera vs. Jones await you after the jump; refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest…

(Props: Cagewriter)

Two notable moments came out of yesterday’s UFC on Versus: Vera vs. Jones weigh-ins at the 1stBank Center in Broomfield, Colorado. First off, James Irvin made his public debut at middleweight, and my God, I would kill for those cheekbones. Seriously, the phrase "cancer survivor" comes to mind. Also, Jon Jones got way up in Brandon Vera‘s face after they hit the scale. Dana White stepped in to separate the two so their forehead-jostling wouldn’t turn into something more serious. Jones explained his high emotions following the weigh-ins, telling Steve Cofield: "I just really don’t like Brandon as a person. I just think he’s disrespectful. I think he’s arrogant. I think he’s full of himself…I guess I let his arrogance get under my skin a little bit. It’s just a learning experience. In the future I’ll deal with talkers better."

The weigh-in numbers are after the jump, courtesy of UFC.com. Remember to come back tonight at 9 p.m. ET / 6 p.m. PT for live round-by-round results…

(Jon Jones warms up backstage by doing battle with a mummy. Photo courtesy of Combat Lifestyle.)

Your old friend the Enabler faced himself a quandary this week. Should he blow some money on college basketball, which he knows/cares almost nothing about, just for the warm feeling he gets from wagering irresponsibly large sums? Or should he save that cash and put it toward something useful, like a crazy parlay bet featuring all three of the Octagon newcomers in this Sunday’s ‘UFC Live’ event?

In the end he decided to try for the best of the both worlds, which means that if Julio Paulino and Cornell both win this weekend, somebody might finally be making a child support payment. Or purchasing a riding lawn mower. Definitely one of those two.

Betting lines today come to us courtesy of BestFightOdds.com:

Jon Jones (-220) vs. Brandon Vera (+215)
Junior dos Santos (-260) vs. Gabriel Gonzaga (+250)
Cheick Kongo (-365) vs. Paul Buentello (+335)
Alessio Sakara (+105) vs. James Irvin (-110)
Clay Guida (-380) vs. Shannon Gugerty (+335)
Eliot Marshall (+155) vs. Vladimir Matyushenko (-150)
Duane Ludwig (-155) vs. Darren Elkins (+153)
John Howard (-190) vs. Daniel Roberts (+190)
Brendan Schaub (-238) vs. Chase Gormley (+214)
Mike Pierce (-439) vs. Julio Paulino (+425)
Eric Schafer (+135) vs. Jason Brilz (-135)

Break it down…

(You should see the other guy. Seriously, not a mark on him.)

First off, an announcement for MMA FightPicker prize-pool participants: Due to a technical screw-up on our end, we had to clear your tie-breaker answers so we could put up answer-fields that actually made sense. All of you should have been contacted via e-mail by now, but in case this is news to you, please revisit your prize pool(s) and make sure you have the tie-breaker question entered. We’d like to give a hearty "Nice, Player!" to everybody who entered those prize pools to win the gear from MMAWarehouse.com. As of now, there are two spots remaining in the 1,200-chip 10-person pool, and an infinite number of spots remaining in the Unlimited pool.

This week, BF and BG snuck into Contender Pool 10 #787, where they’ll be competing with perennial contender Ryan Johnson and someone named RaWrBoOm. As for the questions, there seem to be a lot of heavy favorites this time around. Who of you will be ballsy enough to pick the upsets? Certainly not us — BF and BG had a difference of opinion on just one question. We should really change the name of "Ben vs. Ben" to "Ben and Ben are Best Friends and Never Argue." Anyway, here’s how we’re picking ‘em for UFC Live: Vera vs. Jones this Sunday on Versus (9 p.m. ET / 6 p.m. PT)…

Brandon Vera vs. Jon Jones: Who will win?
BF: Unless Jones gets himself DQ’d or suffers a stroke on his way to the cage, he’s got this. Vera can’t strike with him and can’t get him down. Cue the spinning back elbow.
BG: Jon Jones via spinning Superman punches and Greco rag-dolling. He’s just more special then Vera, y’know?

Will Vera vs. Jones end in a KO/TKO?
BF: I hate hemming myself in with an answer that has one way to be right and at least two ways to be wrong, but I gotta say yes. I see Vera getting dropped and finished with a flurry on the mat.
BG: Yep. The fight ends with Jones on top and Vera eating leather and elbow-bone.

CagePotato.coms MMA Minute: UFC on Versus Edition – Watch more Funny Videos

Because you never get tired of seeing our creepy faces, here’s another video installment of Ben vs. Ben, in which we cover some hot-button issues related to Sunday’s Vera vs. Jones show on Versus (How badly will Jon Jones beat Brandon Vera? Is the main card in greater need of a Carpenter or a Janitor?) and debut a brand-new segment called "Nice, Player!/Nah, Player!", which is inspired by the groundbreaking Ed Lover series "C’mon Son." Of course, you can’t really see our home-made cardboard signs because we’re Internet Geniuses and we didn’t realize that they wouldn’t fit inside the video windows. Trust us, they were awesome. Any suggestions for things you’d like to see in future installments of MMA Minute? You know, besides smaller cardboard signs? Let us hear it in the comments section…

(Step one in preparing for a fight with Jon Jones? Spinning elbow defense. Step two? Hiring a gypsy to put a hex on him before fight night.)

For the past six weeks Jon Jones has been at Greg Jackson’s gym in New Mexico, getting ready for a main event showdown with Brandon Vera on the UFC’s first Versus event this weekend. Despite Vera’s edge in Octagon experience, Jones is better than a 2-1 favorite in this fight, but he says he knows that the fans are a fickle lot, and he needs to show what he can do against the elder opponent who swears he’s on the verge of getting back to his old destructive self again. We sat down with Jones recently to get his thoughts on Vera’s renewed sense of purpose, the lingering effects of his disqualification loss to Matt Hamill, and more.

Clay Guida told us in a recent interview that he’s not using his plane ticket to get to Denver for the fight on Sunday and is going to drive his RV instead, and stay in it instead of his free hotel room. You guys are both at Greg Jackson’s in Albuquerque right now. Are you going to ride up in that beast with him?

Yeah, I’m going to go with him. I haven’t been inside [the RV] yet, but I hear it’s like the ultimate bachelor pad, like there’s video games and everything. It’s supposed to be pretty sweet. I’m going to use my hotel when I get there, don’t get me wrong, but I’m looking forward to driving up with Clay. We’ve been doing everything together. We’ve been eating together, training together – not directly with each other, since we’re in different weight classes – but we do our conditioning together. It’s been great.

(You may have been listening to us, Brandon. But you certainly weren’t *hearing* us.)

I swear you guys, sometimes it almost seems like these fighters are not constantly checking our site for updates and then living according to what we say like it’s the freaking gospel. Just a little over two weeks ago we enacted one of our irrevocable Cage Potato Bans on the practice of promising to bring back your old self. We’d had more than we could stand of guys vowing that this next fight, this was when we’d once again see that bright-eyed young ass-kicker we’d once known. It struck us as a cloying and empty gesture, and so we banished it from the land forever.

But wouldn’t you know it? Here comes Brandon Vera, wantonly flouting our edict like it meant absolutely nothing to him. As he told MMA Weekly:

"I stopped believing in the hype, I stopped worrying about what people think. I’m going back in there just trying to hurt people again like I used to," Vera said. "When I first came out, I would just bang on people and roll with people just to see them break. I got away from that somehow. I don’t know what happened. I got sucked into the MMA world of trying not to disappoint people. I’m over it, I want to go back in there and start doing things like I used to."

(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

Jon Jones is at that point of his career where the nut-hugging is at its most pure and intense. In the first few minutes of this Countdown video for next Sunday’s UFC on Versus show, everyone from Joe Rogan to Dana White to Rashad Evans to Greg Jackson describe Bones as a freakishly athletic star with a perfect mindset, unbelievable talent, and endless potential. But frankly, Brandon Vera has heard it all before: "Jon ‘Bones’ Jones, the second comin’ of Jesus Christ…I don’t believe all the hype, and ‘Oh, he’s the next this, that,’ man I’ve seen that happen to so many fighters. It happened to me. I started believing the hype and I started losing fights." 

Vera is as curious as the rest of us are about what Jones is truly capable of, and feels it’s hard to gauge how good Jones is because his competition hasn’t been world-class. "Matt Hamill was supposed to be the first guy to really test me," Jones points out, "And it wasn’t much of a test." Still, Jones sees himself as the underdog in this fight, which means he probably hasn’t checked out the betting lines yet.

(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

You know what sucks? We have to wait three whole weeks until Jon Jones and Brandon Vera headline the UFC’s first event on Versus (March 21st; Broomfield, Colorado). What the hell are we going to do in the meantime?(And don’t say "Volunteer at a soup kitchen"; this is no time for jokes.) In the above hype-videos, Bones promises fireworks against Vera, and says he’ll give the Truth a striking war if that’s what he wants. He also makes a dig at Vera’s well-known hubris, saying he’s not the kind of guy to call out Chuck Liddell after winning his first UFC fight; Bones has a black belt in humility, apparently. Brandon Vera is aware that Jones has been blowing through his opponents, but feels that he’s never fought anybody on Brandon’s level, and his chin hasn’t been tested yet. ("It’s really easy to be the hammer, but it’s hard to be the nail.") Anybody see Vera winning this one? Anybody?

After the jump: Georges St. Pierre sweats alongside Michael Phelps in a new ad for Under Armour. Let’s be thankful this wasn’t an ad for Reebok.

(After this fight, Andre Gusmao lobbied hard to outlaw "6-to-9:30" flying knees.)

The UFC’s debut fight card on Versus now has a date and a headliner. Sources indicate that the show will go down March 21st in Denver, with the previously reported match between Jon Jones and Brandon Vera in the main event slot. When Vera broke news of the 3/21 date on Twitter, most people assumed that he meant 3/31, the same night as the premiere of TUF 11. But the Truth was right, and we feel just awful for doubting him.

Versus is available in approximately 75 million homes, compared to the 98.6 million that Spike TV can be seen in, which means that this probably isn’t great news for some of you. At this point, it’s unclear if the UFC will be putting together a Fight Night show on Spike on March 31. Three events in an 11-day stretch seems like a backbreaking schedule; remember, UFC 111 is also on the agenda for March 27th in Newark.

And speaking of Jon Jones, the 22-year-old stunna’s management team filed their formal complaint with the NSAC regarding Jones’s disqualification against Matt Hamill at the TUF 10 Finale. If you’re interested, you can read more details here.

Due to a fractured ankle, Antonio Rogerio Nogueira has been forced to withdraw from his co-headlining bout against Brandon Vera at UFC 109 (February 6, Las Vegas). Shortly after the news broke, Vera posted (then quickly removed) the following message on his Twitter page: "just found out I’m firing Jon Bones Jones on March 21st in Denver Colorado. hope u heard it here first!!!!"

We can only assume that Vera meant "fighting Jon Bones Jones," and that he won’t be flying out to Denver to terminate Jones from his contract, Clooney-style. And the March 21st date may also be a misprint: MMA Junkie and MMA Weekly both report that the yet-unsigned fight is actually slated for March 31st, and will headline an Ultimate Fight Night card just four days after UFC 111 (March 27, Newark). The 3/31 Fight Night show will lead directly into the premiere of TUF 11.

With Vera losing a close decision to Randy Couture at UFC 105, and Jones coming off his unfortunate DQ loss against Matt Hamill earlier this month at the TUF 10 Finale, both men will come into this fight with a lot to prove. Jones certainly has the wrestling advantage — as well as the spinning-elbow advantage — but will Vera’s rangy kickboxing cause problems for young Bones?

(‘Seriously Brandon, quit it. I’m not going to tell you again.’ Photo courtesy of UFC.com)

The data is in for UFC 105, and now the Potato Index’s arbitrary numerical rankings system is here to tell you who’s up and who’s down after this weekend’s UK action.

Randy Couture +25
It goes down as another win on his permanent record, but it just as easily could have gone the other way.  He’s still great when it comes to executing a game plan, and any man who can bounce back from those kicks to the body is a tough S.O.B., but a methodical, debatable win over a mid-level 205’er doesn’t herald the dawning of a new age for Randy the light heavyweight.

Brandon Vera -21
As close as this fight was, Vera can’t complain.  He spent most of the bout with his back on the fence, and when he finally put Couture in trouble he let him off the hook rather than trying to finish him off.  Sorry, Truth.  Looks like the middle of the pack is where you’re going to stay.