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15 Moments of Instant Regret [GIFs]

Tag: Brandon Vera

Video: Brandon Vera Compares Muay Thai vs. Karate Kicks on Sports Science


(Video courtesy YouTube/Fight Science)

Brandon Vera appeared on Sport Science, (which must have been filmed prior to his face-breaking loss to Jon Jones on March 21 since his mug looks pretty normal) to compare the muay thai kicks of Shogun to the karate kicks of Machida

The episode is pretty interesting and the results of "The Truth’s" experiment of repeatedly kicking the head off of a crash test dummy revealed a few things.

1. Muay thai kicks are more powerful than karate kicks

2. Karate kicks are faster than muay thai kicks

3. I never want to be at the receiving end of a Vera kick — especially not one to my head or extremely handsome face.


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Brandon Vera’s Going to Be Out For a Long Time

Brandon Vera UFC Jon Jones
(Click the above image to watch a sleepy, drugged-up Brandon Vera try to explain what happened to him on Sunday night.)

We just wanted to pass along a little update on Brandon Vera’s broken face following his beating by Jon Jones at UFC on Versus. Vera reportedly had surgery last night to fix his dislocated cheekbone, which was in woeful shape after absorbing that fight-ending elbow:

“It broke his cheekbone in three places and it’s sort of floating right now,” said [Vera's manager Matt] Stansell on Thursday. “(The bone) is kind of laying on the muscle of the right eye, which is preventing Brandon from looking to his right, and it’s pushing his eyeball forward.”
 
Stansell said two plates will be inserted during the surgery to secure the bone back in place. Vera, who hails from his own Alliance Training Center in Chula Vista, Calif., hopes to return to grappling training in six to eight weeks. Stansell estimated it could take anywhere between four to six months before Vera will be medically cleared to spar again, though that timetable is determinant on the fighter’s recovery.

In other words, Vera won’t be back until the fall or winter, assuming that his face eventually returns to normal. And when he does come back, what will be waiting for him? A full-time position as a gatekeeper for up-and-comers? Most likely, he’ll have one more chance to prove that he has any sort of value to the company. Who would you put him up against at this point?

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Tokyo Five Caption Contest: The Winners!

Brandon Vera Joe Rogan UFC Jon Jones
(Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle.com)

This week’s caption contest brought in over 350 entries — and yet none of them were references to Dr. Manhattan. Crazy. After considering all of your brilliant work, we’ve chosen three winners who will score Five Principles t-shirts from Tokyo Five. But first, some honorable mentions:

Desimus: Here you can see Rogan and Vera playing a game of "Guess where bits of my face will end up!"

Smitty: Yes, to the gentleman in the back…..I wear the speedo to show why I talk like a black man.

Ring_Rust619: "Hey honey, this is how many fights I have left till we have to rely on you winning fights to pay the mortgage"

Phil Bologna: "Strikeforce is that way!!!"

therussianglamourpuss: Brandon Vera and Joe Rogan point to their modesty and objectivity, both of which remained a good distance away.
therussianglamourpuss: Brandon Vera would rather go naked than wear Tapout.
[Ed. note: Great first effort, glamourpuss. Welcome aboard.]

ArmFarmer: I’m not reading 6 pages of this bullshit. I’m just going to assume that like the first page there is about 2 funny comments per page, the rest are unfunny to the point that they are painful to read, and 80% of them have something to do with an auction or a clock.

And now, your grand-prize winners:

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Dos Santos, Kongo, Guida Lead ‘UFC on Versus’ Payouts

Clay Guida mom UFC
(Careful, Clay. She’s just after the money. / Photo courtesy of the UFC on Versus Afterparty Pics gallery on CombatLifestyle.com)
 
The UFC paid out $913,000 in disclosed salaries and bonuses for last Sunday’s UFC on Versus: Vera vs. Jones show — a hefty total for a free-TV event — with Junior Dos Santos, Cheick Kongo, and Clay Guida cracking the six-figure mark. The numbers are below, courtesy of MMA Junkie. Keep in mind that they don’t include income from sponsorships and undisclosed "locker room bonuses," or deductions for taxes, insurance, licensing fees, and funny hats.

Jon Jones: $90,000 (includes $20,000 win bonus, $50,000 Knockout of the Night bonus)
def. Brandon Vera: $60,000

Junior Dos Santos: $120,000 (includes $35,000 win bonus, $50,000 Knockout of the Night bonus)
def. Gabriel Gonzaga: $67,000

Cheick Kongo: $110,000 (includes $55,000 win bonus)
def. Paul Buentello: $40,000

Alessio Sakara: $42,000 (includes $21,000 win bonus)
def. James Irvin: $20,000

Clay Guida: $100,000 (includes $25,000 win bonus, $50,000 Submission of the Night bonus)
def. Shannon Gugerty: $9,000

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MMA GIF Party: Vera vs. Jones Security Takes a Beating, Part 2

Vera Jones gif walkout funnyVera Jones funny gifs walkout security punch

Yesterday, we posted a GIF of Jon Jones slugging the shit out of an escort during his cage-entrance at Sunday’s UFC on Versus show. Turns out it was a rough night for the security staff overall. As caposa points out, two more non-combatants got assaulted during Brandon Vera‘s entrance, this time by fans. Poor guys. They should get safety goggles. And headgear. And tazers to shock the shit out of those drunk D-bags.

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Caption Contest: Win a ‘Five Principles’ T-Shirt From Tokyo Five!

Bas Rutten Tokyo Five 5 Principles

If you watched that video of Bas Rutten beating up an entire cooking show, you may have thought to yourself, "My, I wish I had that handsome white t-shirt with the devil’s face and strange words at the top." (Come on, at least one of you must have thought that.) The shirt in question is known as the "Five Principles", one of the standout designs from Tokyo Five, an apparel company that specializes in jeans as well as custom tees for MMA fighters like Matt Serra and Gabriel Gonzaga. T5 was cool enough to hook us up with a few of those Five Principles shirts, which we’re going to give away to you, our beloved readers. Well, maybe not give away; you’ll have to work for them. Specifically, you’ll have to come up with hilarious captions to the photo after the jump…

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Jon Jones May Have Literally Broken Brandon Vera’s Face

Jon Jones elbows Brandon Vera
(The upside is, now Vera’s sure to get that role as Sloth in the "Goonies" remake. Photo courtesy of UFC.com)

That sickening, dead meat smacking sound you heard when Jon Jones landed his fight-ending elbow strike on Brandon Vera last night? That was the sound of Vera’s face being rearranged. The word is that Vera suffered three broken bones in his face last night, and the injuries are severe enough that he was reportedly prevented from boarding a plane to go home.

That might not have been a big deal if the fight had been in Las Vegas. He could always pass the time by buying himself a cold one and walking down to see the pirate battle outside of Treasure Island, or else wander around the M&M’s store with all the senile old ladies from Wisconsin. Not a bad way to waste time while you wait for your face to regain its structural integrity, really.

But damn, you’re telling me Vera is stuck in Broomfield, Colorado? Not only did he lose the fight and get his face smashed, but he also has to sit around his hotel room watching an endless stream of shows about Nazis on the History Channel, while sending his cornermen down the hall for ice every ten minutes? That, my friends, is a special little slice of hell.

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The Potato Index: ‘UFC Live’ Aftermath


(Don’t fear Cheick Kongo’s patented elbow-to-hip attack. Fear the career consequences of tapping out to it. Photo courtesy of UFC.com)

After a bizarre night of injuries, illegal blows, and confusing stoppages, we sort through the raw data to arrive at a number we made up out of nowhere in order to assess who’s up, who’s down, and by how much after the UFC’s first event on Versus.

Jon Jones +86
We were expecting more of a stand-up battle, but as long as you can take the guy down so easily, why risk it? The win was impressive, and yet expected. For his next act, he’s got to face a top contender.

Brandon Vera -82
When the most significant blow you land in a fight is an illegal one, you know it was a bad night. Going home with a lump the size of a golf ball on your eye probably doesn’t cheer you up any, especially when you just lost your third fight in the last five outings. At this stage in his career, “The Truth” is no longer a friend to Vera.

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UFC on Versus Aftermath: End-of-Night Bonuses + Press Conference Notes

Jon Jones Brandon Vera TKO UFC on Versus
(Photo courtesy of MMA Fighting.)
 
So, weird night, huh? The main card of UFC on Versus: Vera vs. Jones gave us two fights where guys were docked points for illegal blows, two fights that ended with the losers grabbing their eyes in pain, Cheick Kongo transforming into a boring wrestler, and referees being applauded for their brilliant decisions. I’m still waiting for the hail of frogs. And here’s another bit of strangeness: The UFC decided to hand out three Knockout of the Night bonuses after the show, but no Fight of the Night bonuses. The $50,000 bumps went to the following scrappers…

Knockout of the Night #1: Jon Jones, for caving in Brandon Vera‘s head with an elbow that came from an acceptable clock-position.

Knockout of the Night #2: Junior Dos Santos, for wasting Gabriel Gonzaga and picking up his fifth-straight KO/TKO in the UFC.

Knockout of the Night #3: John Howard, for starching Daniel Roberts in the only prelim fight that was shown on the broadcast.

Submission of the Night: Clay Guida, for his arm-triangle tap of Shannon Gugerty. (Who else are they gonna give it to, Kongo for submitting Paul Buentello via leg-elbows?)

Some important notes from the press conference:

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‘UFC on Versus: Vera vs. Jones’ — Live Results + Commentary

Bandon Vera Dana White Jon Jones UFC
("Room for the Holy Ghost, kids. Your mothers raised you better than that." Photo courtesy of the UFC on Versus Weigh In Pics gallery on CombatLifestyle.)

Because pay-per-view and Spike TV are not enough to contain all the UFC’s awesomeness, Versus is presenting four fights tonight that could all end in thrilling knockouts, and will momentarily make us forget that we’re missing the season premiere of Breaking Bad. In this extra-special Lord’s Day Liveblog™, Jon Jones tries to live up to his hype against a man who once fell prey to his own, Junior Dos Santos continues his warpath in the heavyweight division against fellow meat-skewer aficionado Gabriel Gonzaga, Cheick Kongo and Paul Buentello throw bombs for the hell of it, and lightning will strike James Irvin on his way to the cage. Yes, indoor lightning. Live results from UFC on Versus: Vera vs. Jones await you after the jump; refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest…

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