(Jeremy Stephens, shown here attempting to perform long division without a calculator.)

By George Shunick

So, Jeremy Stephens didn’t end up fighting on last night’s card. Instead, he spent the night in a jail cell, where he apparently has been denied bail.

Which is interesting, given that he is apparently is being “held on a two assault charges based on a 2011 incident in Des Moines, Iowa. One commanded $1,000 bail and the other $20,000.” Huh.

Anyway, this lack of coherence has infuriated the Baldfather, who had repeatedly tried to get Stephens out of jail in time for his fight and and claimed he was willing spend the amount of money it would take to free Charles Manson to do so. Like many things Dana White says, he may have been embellishing slightly.

While his support for his fighters is heartening and arguably the ethical course to take in these situations, Jeremy Stephens probably doesn’t deserve the benefit of the doubt in this case.

Props: Twitter.com/chadmendes

By George Shunick

When Chad Mendes was first accused of sucker punching a patron at a California bar during a brawl and fleeing from the cops, he dismissed the accuracy of the charges against him and stated he would cooperate fully with the investigation. In retrospect, that turned out to be a bad idea. Mendes was charged with battery yesterday, facing up to a $2,000 fine and 6 months in jail.

For those of you who missed this the first time, or have the memory span of a goldfish, here’s the official recap of what happened:

“Kings County Sheriff’s deputies say Mendes, a 27-year-old local native, sucker punched a man in the face at the Lacey Inn Bar on July 29. Leaving out the back door, he ran from law enforcement and managed to escape capture. But witnesses at the scene recognized the famous athlete. [Author’s note: people recognized “famous athlete” Chad Mendes!? MMA is finally mainstream!]

Deputies initially stopped at the bar around 1:18 a.m. in response to a call about two people fighting in the parking lot. After they pulled the men apart, about 40 more people decided to join in, turning it into a large brawl.

“Remember when ReX13 was just the goofy extra?”

Best part of being a not-at-all professional blogger contributing to this website? Being able to blatantly violate a CagePotato ban without fearing any reprisals from the powers that be. Because let’s face it, the expectations for yours truly are set lower than the credibility bar to be a 2012 Republican candidate in good ol’ ‘Merica. (Suck it, Dundas, i can pick low-hanging political fruit, too!) You bastards can expect plenty more rule-breaking from me in the future, because i color outside the lines. I’m a rebel. I walk on the wildside. I do not consistently capitalize self-referential pronouns. It’s just how i am. At least until BG and GusBuster pull my editing privileges–feel free to start a pool on how long i last, provided i can get in on the action.