Fact: You had a 63% better chance of seeing a fight at a Calgary Flames game than you did at UFC 149, according to a study I made up for this caption. Props: The Calgary Sun

When I first sat down to write this aftermath, I wrote five paragraphs of a Jim Cornette rant about how dreadful the main card of UFC 149 was to sit through. Even the most jaded UFC fan boys – the types who comment “Its fights stop complaneing ur not real UFC fan if u dont liek this TapouT tribal tatz NEVER BACK DOWN!!!!!” on YouTube videos of Jacob Volkmann vs. Antonio Mckee- would be hard-pressed to say that UFC 149 was worth watching, let alone paying for. Then I realized that that wouldn’t be fair. Not because a longwinded rant about boredom isn’t a fair assessment of the main card, but rather it isn’t fair to the fans to force them to relive the lowest of the low points from last night. We can all agree that the less that is written about the main card, the better.

So in that spirit, I give you the first ever Cage Potato Fill-In-The-Blank aftermath. Simply pick one of the applicable fighters listed below and plug his name into the blanks. The result will be a mostly accurate analysis of both his performance last night and the future ramifications brought on by it. Enjoy.

Applicable Fighters*: James Head, Brian Ebersole, Cheick Kongo, Shawn Jordan, Tim Boetsch**, Hector Lombard.

I know that the Polly Pessimists and Debby Downers who make up the MMA media are often too hard on fighters, but in this case it’s well deserved: The performance of __________ at last night’s UFC 149 absolutely sucked. He let a golden opportunity slip through his fingers, and seemed perfectly content with this while doing so. If last night was a first date with a perfect ten, then he showed up in sweatpants, took her to Whataburger and then asked for gas money on the ride home.

(We’re going ((win)) streaking!!) 

By Dan “Get Off Me” George

Grab your cowboy hats and pack up your saddles my fellow CP readers, because this weekend we are headed to the home of the world famous Calgary Stampede, Calgary, Alberta, Canada for UFC 149 Barao vs Faber! From a wagering standpoint, this card is pretty much a prime example of why bookies offer MMA betting lines, as this card is chock full of close fights and odds that will surely entice the gambling public as well as crush the majority of parlays, all the while raking in money for the house.

Luckily for you (or not), we do not have to go on the cuff for this card, as those who followed UFC 148’s GAE were rewarded with a 4 team parlay that paid out 7 to 1 at the window. All betting odds are courtesy of BestFightOdds.com, so join me as I try to offer some insight on how to go after plus units on Saturday’s upcoming card.

Bryan Caraway (-190) vs. Mitch Gagnon (+175)

Both fighters have strong submission skills, but I believe Caraway is the favorite because the majority of the public believe “Kid Lighting” is the better submission fighter out of the two. At around -200, Caraway should have what it takes to out-grapple his Canadian counterpart and find a way to win this fight. This may be stretching my psychic abilities to the max, but upon victory, I expect Caraway to announce that he is undergoing a sex change, signing with Strikeforce, and challenging Ronda Rousey to a “loser leaves town” match at 135 lbs. Any takers?

(From L-R: Claude Patrick, political kiss of death Dana White, Brian Ebersole)

Is this kind of thing even newsworthy anymore? The UFC 149 injury curse has gone from eerie to apocalyptic to as dependable as the rising sun. The latest victim: Canadian welterweight Claude Patrick, who has pulled out of his bout with James Head due to an undisclosed injury. Patrick will be replaced on less than three weeks’ notice by chest-hair artist Brian Ebersole, who just increased his UFC record to 4-0 with a decision win over TJ Waldburger at UFC on FX: Maynard vs. Guida last month. Coincidentally, Ebersole also holds a win over Claude Patrick, in a split-decision at UFC 140.

The latest withdrawal pushes UFC 149′s injury body-count to nine: Yoshihiro Akiyama, Thiago Silva, Thiago Alves, Michael Bisping, Jose Aldo, Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira, George Roop, Siyar Bahadurzada, and now Claude Patrick. If you include fighters who were moved off the card when their opponents came down with injuries (Mauricio Rua, Erik Koch), we’ve entered double-digit territory in terms of lineup changes. To paraphrase Tom Wright, the UFC’s director of operations for Canada, shit happens.

UFC 149 goes down July 21st at Scotiabank Saddledome in Calgary. Urijah Faber vs. Renano Barao is still the headliner, and Hector Lombard vs. Tim Boetsch is still the co-main event. We’ll let you know as soon as that changes.

By George Shunick

Our thoughts exactly. Props: MMAMania

Gray Maynard has never been the most popular UFC fighter. Maybe it’s because it’s almost impossible to picture him as an underdog; he’s an enormous lightweight who lives up his “Bully” moniker. (His choice of entrance music probably doesn’t do him any favors, either.) He’s always Goliath, and in our society we’re conditioned to root for David. That attitude was epitomized in Frankie Edgar’s back-to-back comebacks against him, with the crowd firmly in favor of the smaller fighter who seemed to rely on his will and technique, while Maynard relied on his size and power. As long as Maynard’s achievements were contextualized within that narrative, he would always be the villain.

Clay Guida won the first two rounds of their main event last night by constantly remaining out of Maynard’s reach, dictating the pace, occasionally landing jabs, and landing a solid head kick in the latter half of the second round. The action had been sparse throughout, but it seemed understandable; Guida obviously didn’t want to engage Maynard head on at first, he’d tire him out and then wear him down. Well, that didn’t happen. For the majority of the third round, Guida squandered whatever momentum he may have built by circling, dancing, and circling some more. It was UFC 112 Anderson Silva on meth. By the end of the round, Maynard was flailing with power punches, frustrated by Guida’s unwillingness to engage.

Midway through the fourth round, Maynard had enough. With Guida still circling and refusing to engage, Maynard finally grabbed a hold of him, landed some knees and then proceeding to embody the audience’s frustrations by dropping his hands and bellowing epithets, daring Guida to just stop running and hit him. Guida proceeded to oblige him, only to have Maynard walk through a hard overhand right, stuff a takedown and almost secure an arm-in guillotine in an unprecedented display of attitude and badassery that it actually caused fans to cheer him. Round 5 was unfortunately more of the same, which is to say, not much at all.

(I don’t see any braids, homeboy.) 

Tonight, the UFC makes its ever glorious return to FX, and if the undercard is any indication, we are in for a night of action packed goodness, Potato Nation. Clay Guida and Gray Maynard will battle for a spot amongst the endless string of lightweight contenders, and Spencer Fisher will be battling for his dignity against Sam Stout. Our very own Jared Jones will be liveblogging everything as it goes down, so join him as he recaps all the action as it plays out, won’t you?

(Ah, the Rumbleweight Diet, or as it’s known to the general public, the Fatkins diet. Well, played, Mr. Guida.) 

Just a reminder to make sure and swing by CagePotato at 4 p.m. ET/1 p.m. PT to catch the live weigh-ins and results for tomorrow night’s UFC on FX 4: Maynard vs. Guida event, which goes down from the Revel Casino in Atlantic City, New Jersey.

Although the card may be somewhat lacking in terms of drawing power, it does feature some top to bottom great matchups that are sure to entertain. And let’s be honest, it’s more stacked than any pay-per-view event you’ll be purchasing stealing this weekend. Aside from the five round main event between perennial lightweight contenders Clay Guida and Gray Maynard, we will be treated to the anticipated trilogy bout between Spencer Fisher and Sam Stout, which may very well be Fisher’s last in the octagon, as well as a pair of great contests between Muay Thai “Bad Boy” Brian Ebersole and submission whiz T.J. Walburger and featherweight sluggers Ross Pearson and Cub Swanson. The undercard kicks off with the long-awaited return of our boy Dan Miller, who will be taking on Brazilian Ricardo Funch.

We will be liveblogging all of the action starting tomorrow at 9 p.m ET, so if your Friday is looking less than spectacular, why not spend an evening with your favorite drunken slobs?

Video and full results after the jump. 

(Yeah Dan, we’re stoked for the new Cung Le/Jean-Claude Van Damme movie too!) 

It looks like Demian Maia won’t be the only one making his welterweight debut in the near future.

Featuring a main event clash between top lightweight contenders Clay Guida and Gray Maynard, the UFC on FX 4 card is really starting to take shape, adding four more fights in the welterweight division last night. It seems a little odd that this plethora of fights have been added when the UFC on FX 3 card, which goes down two weeks earlier, has confirmed only two fights thus far. Then again, if we were in charge of matchmaking, Pat Barry would fight every weekend and Rousey/Caraway would already be booked.

But back to the welterweights. Yes, it appears that our buddy Dan Miller will be back in action at UFC on FX 4, and in fact will be making his welterweight debut when he takes on Ricardo Funch. Miller has not fought since his clusterfuck of a fight against Rousimar Palhares at UFC 134 that saw Palhares leap onto the cage in premature celebration, only to be talked off the proverbial tower by Herb Dean. Upon re-entering the octagon, Palhares was almost immediately KO’d by Miller, but managed to gather the few remaining marbles in his brain to pull out a unanimous decision victory. The loss was Miller’s second in a row and fifth of his last seven. But given Miller’s tendency to put on exciting fights, we don’t imagine a loss here will cost him his job. The same cannot be said for Funch, however, who has dropped all three of his UFC appearances to Johny Hendricks, Claude Patrick, and Mike Pyle.

Also set for the fourth FX card will be a welterweight tilt between submission specialist T.J. Waldburger and manscaping aficionado Brian Ebersole. Waldburger has scored a pair of brilliant back-to-back victories in his last two UFC appearances, leaping into a triangle against Mike Stumpf in September before notching a lightning quick armbar of Jake Hecht at UFC on FX 2: Kampmann vs. Alves earlier this month. He will be facing a tough test in Ebersole, who is riding a 10 fight win streak including three straight in the UFC over Chris Lytle, Dennis Hallman‘s balls, and Claude Patrick.

Nothing against Waldburger, but we’re kind of pulling for Ebersole in light of recent events.

And in other UFC on FX 4 news…

(We dare you to look this man in the nipples eyes and call him a liar.) 

A few weeks ago, you may recall that former welterweight title contender Josh Koscheck had some rather hateful things to say about his former training camp, American Kickboxing Academy, when asked about his split from the organization by Ariel Helwani. To sum it up, Kos basically called head trainer Javier Mendez a fraud, and alluded that anyone over at AKA was only successful as a result of their training partners. He also vowed to never step foot in San Jose again, unless it was to open up a competing gym, preferably placed across the street and run by White Goodman. Yeah, that’s my second Dodgeball reference today. Deal with it.

Anyway, when fellow UFC welterweight and former AKA associate Brian Ebersole caught wind of this interview, he became rather irritated by Koscheck’s insolence, and proceeded to put his whole departure in perspective when interviewed by VigilanteMMA. We’re not sure if Ebersole’s attempts to tear a new asshole where one clearly already existed may result in some sort of time warp, paradox, or black hole, but check out what he had to say:

He’s always a bit flippant and disrespectful to Helwani, but this last interview was ridiculous. Bad attempts at humor and despite the line of questioning, he brought it back to the drama/breakup he had with AKA. He went well out of his way to slander Javier Mendez and the system that AKA has built. Very disrespectful. Koscheck was not a self-made UFC star, as he’d like you to believe. There are more guys than just me that remember him punching like a girl for a few years. He’s figured it out now, and punches with power, but he didn’t do that on his own. 

Join us after the jump for much, much more from this interview.

(TUF 3 finalist Josh Haynes resurfaces on an episode of Cops — as a police officer, thank God. / Props: ko 86)

Some selected highlights from our friends around the MMA blogosphere…

- Jon Jones: Rashad Evans Hasn’t Progressed, Phil Davis Looked ‘Like a Sheep’ (MMA Fighting)

- Tony Ferguson Fights Dennis Hallman at ‘UFC on FOX 3′ (5th Round)

- Nick Diaz vs Carlos Condit Will Save Us After UFC on FOX 2 Dud (MMA Mania)

- FTC Ends UFC Investigation Regarding Strikeforce Purchase (MMA Payout)

- Brian Ebersole Took Our Camera, Got in a Rickshaw and Gave Away Leftover Pizza at the United Center (MiddleEasy)

- UFC 143: Roy Nelson vs. Fabricio Werdum Breakdown (BleacherReport.com/MMA)

- Lyoto Machida Eyes Jon Jones Rematch, Wants Dan Henderson Next (Lowkick.Blitzcorner.com)

- Memo to the UFC/Dana White: Try Solving Piracy Instead of Just Fighting It (Five Ounces of Pain)

- Fight Video: Badr Hari Knocks Out Gokhan Saki In Retirement Bout (MMA Convert)

- State Attorney General Admits Amateur MMA Is Not Banned in New York (The Fight Nerd)

- The Japanese Scene Is Facing Increasingly Dangerous Waters (Fight Opinion)

- Stephen “Wonderboy” Thompson’s UFC 143 Blog: Week 2 (FightLine)

Last week, we let none other than The Great Potato step in and give you guys some gambling advice for the TUF 14 Finale. He went spuds out, gambling his son Tater’s future college fund on a parlay that included Jason Miller and T.J. Dillashaw. He has since gone into hiding and refused to answer any of our calls. Now that UFC 140 is on the horizon, we bring you some saweet betting lines, courtesy of BestFightOdds, along with our advice, in order to ensure his children receive the education they deserve.

Main Card
Jon Jones (-440) vs. Lyoto Machida (+350)
Frank Mir (-250) vs. Antonio Rodrigo Nogueria (+210)
Antonio Rogerio Nogueria (-225) vs. Tito Ortiz (+175)
Brian Ebersole (-125) vs. Claude Patrick (-105)
Mark Hominick (-380) vs. Chan Sung Jung (+290)

The Main Event: The fact that Lyoto Machida is listed with a slightly better chance to beat Jones than Rampage Jackson, a.k.a the last person to beat Machida, is intriguing to say the least. We all know Lyoto has stepped up his training camp for this bout, and packed on an incredible 21 pounds of muscle to try and deal with the size and strength of Jones, but will this weight gain hinder the Dragon’s renowned elusiveness? And despite Jones’ near immortal stature among the UFC’s light heavyweight division, there is still one huge facet of his game that has yet to be tested, his chin.

(Video courtesy of YouTube/DiggedyDrake)

Somewhere Steven Seagal is claiming he invented this knockout.

Well it looks like Dennis Hallman’s wardrobe malfunction at UFC 133 won’t cost him his job with the UFC.

“Superman” Tweeted last night that he will be dropping back down to lightweight for the first time in 10 years to take on undefeated Canadian prospect John Makdessi at UFC 140 in December in Toronto.

A true moneyweight fighter, Hallman who is 50-12-1 (1 NC) in 64 professional fights as a light heavyweight, middleweight, welterweight and lightweight, defeated Matt Hughes at 155 at UFC 23, earning him a shot at then-lightweight champ Jens Pulver at UFC 33, but fell short, losing to “Lil’ Evil” by unanimous decision. That was his last fight at 155.

(The UFC’s second Toronto card is coming together nicely.)

Keeping with it’s latest trend of beating reporters to the punch when it comes to breaking news of fight bookings, the UFC announced that a pair of welterweight bouts have been added to UFC 140 on December 10 at the Air Canada Centre in Toronto today, via UFC.com.

British Columbia-born wunderkind Rory “Ares” MacDonald (12-1) will take on “Hairrow” stylist and cartwheel-kick aficionado Brian “The White Anderson Silva”  Ebersole (48-14-1, 1 NC) on the card, while former CagePotato TUF 11 guest blogger Rich “The Raging Bull” Attonito (10-4) will see action against durable Toronto-based fighter Claude “The Prince” Patrick (14-1).

(Cover your kids’ eyes. Superman’s fighting.)

Dennis Hallman says that his choice of in-Octagon attire at UFC 133 was not entirely his fault. It was actually the result of a lost bet to a trio of teammates.

Although he wouldn’t disclose the subject of the wager that led to a rather unfortunate wardrobe malfunction during his fight with Brian Ebersole, he broke the news to Ariel Helwani during today’s MMA Hour of the reason why he went for the European look Saturday night.

“I won’t say what the bet was about, but I lost a bet to those guys and losing the bet meant that I got to wear some speedos,” Hallman explained to Helwani. “I thought it was funny. I thought it was embarrassing for me. Obviously, that’s why I had to do it. But I didn’t think anybody would be cross about it.”

Proof that ReX loves you and wants you to be happy. Props to ReX13.

Actions have consequences. If you’re going to make a screen name bet, you may have to be #1CaseyAnthonyFan for the next few weeks. If you’re going to wear manties in the Octagon, you may really gross out your boss. Perhaps to the point where he’ll invent a new bonus to give the guy who knocks you out. Due to Dennis Hallman’s wardrobe, Brian Ebersole became the first- and probably last- fighter to pocket seventy grand for winning the “Thank You for Getting those Trunks off TV as Soon as Possible” bonus.

The other End of the Night bonuses were a bit more traditional. For living up to the expectations we’ve always had of him by quickly knocking out Yoshihiro Akiyama, “War Belford” took home the Knockout of the Night bonus. Vitor Belfort more than likely knocked Akiyama out of the UFC as well, unless Akiyama is willing to drop to welterweight.

Well, UFC 133 is live from the home of Rocky Balboa tonight so let’s get this thing going and see how Philly does this shit.

Spoilers are after the jump.

If we learned anything about Brian Ebersole during his UFC debut, it’s that he’s a wild dude with a penchant for cartwheel kicks. You might think it’s something he just does on a whim, but as we learn in the video above it’s a maneuver that requires thorough training.

Ebersole’s preparation for tonight’s fight against Dennis Hallman took him all the way to Phuket, Thailand, where he sharpened up his “eight limbed attack”. But it wasn’t all take and no give for “The White Anderson Silva”. He took time from his training to teach the men, women, and…everyone else at Tiger Muay Thai a lesson in his trademark kick. Could we have just caught a glimpse of Strikeforce’s next Women’s Middleweight Champion?

(“I’d rather lose the best fight of my life than win the worst.” Photo courtesy of Sherdog)

On August 14th, Chris Lytle will step into the Octagon for the 20th time in his career, when he squares off against Dan Hardy at the aptly-named UFC Live: Hardy vs. Lytle in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. It will be Lytle’s first-ever headlining bout for the UFC — as well as an opportunity to re-claim the title of “Most Bonus-Worthy Fighter in UFC History.” (He currently shares the honor with Anderson Silva and Joe Lauzon.) We recently spoke to “Lights Out” about some of his most memorable UFC fights, his upcoming scrap against Hardy, his crowd-pleasing style, and the tough lessons he’s learned along the way. Enjoy…

CHRIS LYTLE vs. BEN EARWOOD — Lytle’s UFC debut
UFC 28, 11/17/00
Result: Defeat via unanimous decision

“I’d been fighting for less than two years at the time, but as soon as I started training, I got really involved in watching the UFC. I knew who all the key guys were and I knew it was the pinnacle of the sport, so it was my goal to be there. We only fought two five-minute rounds [at UFC 28], and they’d started having fighters wear gloves not too long before, so it was just way different. Earwood was more of a wrestler — he just tried to hold me down. I don’t think they stood us up once.

Back then I was training with Jason Godsey and a few other guys maybe two or three times a week. Every one of us had real jobs, full-time jobs, and this was something we did for fun. I definitely felt like we were good fighters — Jason was King of Pancrase, and beat a lot of good guys — but we didn’t train every day. And after that fight I kind of realized…I didn’t feel like Earwood was any better of a fighter than me, I just felt like he had a better gameplan than I did, he stuck with it, and he trained more than I did.

(Oh put your hands down, Yves, you had nothing to do with that shit.)

Dana White confirmed today that a middleweight meeting between Vitor Belfort and Yoshihiro Akiyama has been set for UFC 133, August 6th in Philadelphia. It’s a bit of tough break for Belfort, who previously agreed to a fight with Wanderlei Silva (which fell through), then pleaded for a spot on the UFC Rio card and didn’t get that either. On the bright side, Belfort has the firepower to knock Akiyama’s dome into the front row, as long as he can avoid eating a surprise front kick. “Sexyama” has dropped his last two fights, and hasn’t scored a victory since his split-decision win over Alan Belcher at UFC 100 in July 2009.

Speaking of UFC 133, welterweight oddball sensation Brian Ebersole will be returning at the Philly event, fresh off his upset decision win over Chris Lytle at UFC 127 in February. Ebersole will face off against veteran Dennis Hallman, who is riding back-to-back wins over Ben Saunders and Karo Parisyan — both of whom were fired from the UFC after those losses. Ebersole and Hallman have a combined 117 MMA fights between the two of them.

In other fight-booking news…

(Awwwwww! Props: Chad S., Facebook.com/CagePotato)

Some selected highlights from our friends around the MMA blogosphere. E-mail feedback@cagepotato.com for details on how your site can join the MMA Link Club…

- UFC 128: Is Jon Jones a Dream Come True for Dana White and the UFC? (BleacherReport.com/MMA)

- ‘UFC Primetime’ Returns for St. Pierre vs. Shields (MMA-Scraps)

- Frank Shamrock: I Did Not Offer to Take a Dive Against Kimbo Slice (MMA Fighting)

- Crazy Talk? Dan Henderson Could Give Jon Jones a Fight (MMA Convert)

- Exclusive Interview: Brian Ebersole Talks About Eating Marijuana Cookies and Being ‘The White Anderson Silva’ (MiddleEasy)

- Kendall Grove Facing Tim Boetsch at UFC 130 (Five Ounces of Pain)

- Anderson Silva Says Jon Jones’ Performance Was “Amazing”; Not Ruling out a Return to 205 (LowKick)

- Dana White “Worried” for UFC Champ Jon Jones (5thRound)

- Five Lessons: UFC 128 (Versus MMA Beat)

- Guida (#6) vs. Pettis (#9) Headlines Ultimate Fighter 13 Finale (Fight Magazine)

(Props: WunWunTwo)

Back in March 2009, we referred to the above clip as “the greatest KO ever.” We never bothered to find out who the fighters were, but we got a strange flash of deja vu during UFC 127 on Saturday night when Brian Ebersole launched two separate cartwheel kicks at Chris Lytle. Now, MiddleEasy confirms that the dude in the famous cartwheel kick knockout video is Brian Ebersole. The fight went down at XFC: Return of the Hulk in Perth, Australia on 3/14/09, and the unlucky victim was Shannon Forrester. Now give that crazy manscaped goof his due respect. After the jump: Gifs of Ebersole’s failed cartwheel kick attempts against Lytle, courtesy of IronForgesIron.com.

(“Whiter than a band-aid? You’re out of order, Jorge!”)

Everyone’s doing their part to bolster interest in this card. Dana’s doling out title shots again, Rivera’s gone to Broadway, even the mostly-beloved Octagon girls are pitching in. But beyond loose promises and tight bikinis, this card has meaning. Many of tonight’s combatants are fighting for far more than just another notch in the win-column. Let’s take a look at what’s really on the table tonight in Australia.

Jon Fitch: A legend on his decision-list and a title shot, maybe. Fitch is a good fighter, no doubt, and his victories over tough competition reflect that. What you won’t find on his record, however, is a win over a legend. If Fitch is able to capitalize on his size advantage and use his wrestling skills to wear on Penn, that could change tonight. Win streaks are nice, but every fighter wants a trophy head for their mantle, and few have a name as respected in this sport as BJ Penn. Regarding that title shot, as Fitch has learned before, those things are somewhat fickle. An exciting win could very well earn him a five-rounder, but–as affectionate nicknames like “Smoke Break” and “Yaaaawn Fitch” allude—exciting fights can be hard to come by.

(Ebersole vs. Lombard, round one. Find round two here, round three here, etc., etc. Vid: YouTube/MMAAustralia)

There aren’t a ton of new faces on this Saturday’s UFC 127 card, but the three newcomers lucky enough to recently sign their lives away to Zuffa, LLC. all seem capable of making notable first impressions. Find out more about this trio of veterans after the jump and let us know how you think they’ll do with your own comments …

(Carlos Condit — huge John Cleese fan.)

After starching Dan Hardy at UFC 120, welterweight contender Carlos Condit was preparing to build on his momentum with another slugfest against Chris Lytle at UFC 127: Penn vs. Fitch (February 26th; Sydney, Australia). Unfortunately, the Natural Born Killer has reportedly withdrawn thanks to a knee injury. Damn, it’s been a bad month for that sort of thing.

Though a replacement has yet to be formally announced, fightnewsaustralia.com is claiming that Brian Ebersole — a 44-15 American journeyman who currently competes and trains in Australia — will face Chris Lytle on the card. Ebersole has won his last seven fights, and holds victories over Matt Horwich, Nick Thompson, and Carlos Newton.

The current UFC 127 lineup is after the jump…