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Tag: Brock Lesnar

Brock Lesnar’s Book Sounds Like It Might Actually Be Interesting

(“The fact you would even bring Barthelme into this discussion tells me everything I need to know about your view of so-called postmodern literature, Mir. Seriously, grad school is over, man.”)

We’re still 10 days out from the scheduled release of Brock Lesnar’s autobiography and – if you’re like us – it’s getting hard to wait, since you already expunged your spring reading list by powering through “The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks” and “The Emperor of All Maladies” over the weekend. What can you say? You are a fucking voracious reader. Luckily for you, the fine folks at literary giant Harper Collins have served up a fairly lengthy excerpt from the former UFC heavyweight champion’s upcoming opus “Death Clutch” to keep you sated until the actual publication date.

Some of the middle-aged ladies who work at HC have even been tweeting links to the outtakes from Lesnar’s book – something we bet they never thought they’d be doing when they got into publishing – and so we checked it out. Oddly, we were sort of delighted with what we found. Firstly, it turns out that Lesnar finds a way to dis Frank Mir in the book’s very first paragraph. We read that and started thinking, ‘OK Brock, you have our attention.’ Look for Mir to fire back in his upcoming memoir “Confessions of a Strip Club Bouncer.” After the jump however, Lesnar gets the first word …

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Einemo vs. Herman Signed for UFC 131; Matyushenko vs. Gustafsson in the Works for UFC 133

(This man is earning his paycheck.)

A pair of UFC fight bookings were reported today by MMAJunkie. Heavyweight Octagon newcomers Jon Olaf Einemo and Dave Herman will meet at UFC 131 next month in Vancouver, BC and Vladimir Matyushenko and  Alexander Gustafsson will square off at UFC 133 in August in Philidelphia, PA.

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Brockwatch 2011: With Lesnar Gone, UFC Scrambles to Make Chicken Salad Out of Summer PPV Schedule

(Pic: MMA Soldier)

It was rampant speculation time across the interwebs on Friday, after yesterday’s announcement that Brock Lesnar’s diverticulitis has returned with a vengeance. “Is Brock done?” we all wondered aloud. Is Carwin vs. dos Santos actually a better fight? Can the UFC rebound from a couple of weeks that saw the main events of UFC 130, 131 and 133 all go up in smoke? And, dear God, are Urijah Faber and Dominick Cruz next to suffer some bizarre malady, causing a reshuffling of the only PPV still left in one piece? Nobody knows.

What we do know is this: Brock Lesnar turns 34 in July and twice now since 2009 he’s seen his career indefinitely sidetracked by being the world’s only millionaire athlete to get a near fatal disease from not eating enough vegetables. Age has never been particularly kind to jumbo-sized athletes and even for a professional wrestler, Lesnar’s job history has been pretty flighty over the years. So, while we can’t say with any kind of certainty that his MMA career might be over over, Lesnar’s second bout with a strange digestive infection nobody had ever heard of before two years ago can’t exactly be considered a good thing. Apparently, the first time he went through this the UFC forgot to tell us that diverticulitis is something that sticks around for the rest of your life. Whoops. But we digress. What it all means for Lesnar, dos Santos, Carwin and – most importantly – you, after the jump.

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BREAKING: Lesnar Pulls Out of UFC 131 Bout Due to Diverticulitis Flare-Up; Carwin Steps in to Face dos Santos


(Lesnar was emphatic that this would not be a career-ending malady.)

The UFC held an impromptu conference call today to announce that former UFC heavyweight champion Brock Lesnar has been force to pull out of his upcoming UFC 131 bout in Vancouver next month against Junior dos Santos due to a recent flare-up of diverticulitis that has left the North Dakota native physically unable to train for the bout.

Hear the audio from the call HERE.

An obviously disappointed Lesnar, who spent 14 hours at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN yesterday undergoing a battery of tests, explained that he tried to work through the exhaustion and the pain of the malady, but it was simply too much to deal with while preparing for such an important bout. Both Lesnar and UFC president Dana White echoed the same sentiment that the fight is of secondary importance to Brock’s health and wellbeing, revealing that his symptoms began resurfacing three weeks ago.

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Tank Abbott: Drunk as Ever [VIDEO]


(Props: FightGameTV via Deaf Forever)

Hmm. Poor Tank has taken too many bottles to the head, if you know what I’m saying…

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‘TUF 13′ Episode 6 Recap: The Escape Goat

Zach Davis Jake Busey Chuck O'Neil TUF 13 episode 6
(Above: Zach Davis’s face-off with Chuck O’Neil. Below: Jake Busey, for comparison. Gif via ironforgesiron.com)

It’s a big ol’ locker-room pity party on Team Dos Santos following Mick Bowman’s loss. “Sometimes it’s not our time to be winner, but we have to try our best,” Junior says, trying to raise Mick’s spirits. He explains that the UFC is looking for exciting fighters and exciting fights. Lew Polley sees it differently: “You can say whatever you want, I don’t care, but the fact of the matter is, your job is just to win the fight. If it’s boring [and] you win, great. If it’s exciting [and] you lose, then what?”

Junior is not pleased to be contradicted in front of his team. “I think we make the guys a little bit confused, Lew,” he says. “Because sometimes I say something and you say something different…I know you’re a good fighter, I’m glad you’re here, but I think we need to talk to each other.” Uh-ohhh.

Back on the victorious Team Chickenshit, Brock tells Len Bentley that if they win their next two fights, he’s in line for a wild card spot. (Pay attention. This will become important later in the show.) And like clockwork, Len goes down grabbing his knee in practice. “I’m speechless,” Brock says, not literally speechless. “Maybe it’s time to close shop here for the day…I just want to exit the building. I’m just sick to my stomach.”

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Easter Sunday Video Tribute: ‘Back From the Dead’ Fights

Robbie Lawler Melvin Manhoef Strikeforce MMA photos
(Leg kicks, why have you forsaken me? / Photo courtesy of allelbows.com)

Today, as you know, is Easter — a day in which Christians celebrate the resurrection of Jesus, three days after his crucifixion. To commemorate the holiday, we’d like to take this time to remember notable resurrections in the sport of mixed martial arts. (Because we’re respectful like that.) There’s nothing more incredible than watching a dude get the living crap beaten out of him for minutes at a time, and then somehow, miraculously, finding the strength to knock his opponent dead before the last bell. So without further ado, here are 11 of our favorite “Back From the Dead” MMA fights of all time…

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‘TUF 13′ Episode 4 Recap: Get a Rub On

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(Without televisions in the house, Ramsey and Junior had to imagine what happened on the ‘Jersey Shore’ finale. / Props: IronForgesIron)

Lew Polley thinks Team Dos Santos is outworking Team Lesnar, and believes Brock Lesnar has already lost interest. “Junior legitimately cares about how these kids are doing,” he says, totally contradicting the trash he’ll talk after the show wraps.

Lesnar, who missed last week’s fight due to a family obligation, returns to a very luke-warm welcome. “Len, I heard you fought hard buddy,” he says. Len Bentley isn’t interested in such pleasantries. After going 1-2 in the first three fights, Team Lesnar is down to “The Four Horsemen”: Tony Ferguson, Clay Harvison, Chuck O’Neil, and Charlie Rader.

But in practice, the Horsemen are performing like a bunch of damn fillies. Clay is sleepwalking through practice, and Charlie is lollygagging too. (Brock’s word, not mine.)

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F*cked-Up Fact of the Day: Brock Lesnar Was the Highest Paid MMA Fighter Last Year

(“What can I say? Beef jerky and flattops don’t pay for themselves.”)

As the rest of us scramble to get our taxes done in the hopes of getting back a nominal return, the world’s highest paid athletes laugh at us from their million-dollar penthouse apartments as they light thousand-dollar cigars with hundred dollar bills as their accountants write checks to Uncle Sam on their behalf to cover what they owe for the year.

Sadly, what the top ball throwers, dribblers, catchers, hitters and kickers pay out in yearly taxes equals more than many of us will make in a single year as long as we live. According to ESPN The Magazine, former UFC heavyweight champion Brock Lesnar is a member of that elite club as well.

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10 NFL Players Who Might Actually Have a Chance in an MMA Fight

By CagePotato contributor, Jason Moles

(Garth DeFelice could have been a contender if it weren’t for that bum hip.)

Imagine for a moment that it’s a hot July morning. You wake up in your McMansion located in a gated community or on a private road. You step into a bathroom, which appears to have been transplanted from a magazine, and take a shower. After you’re dressed, it’s time to have a modest breakfast consisting of no less than four eggs, three slices of bacon, three sausage links, a stack of hotcakes so scrumptious Paul Bunyan would be jealous, and all the freshly squeezed orange juice a man could want. Once you’ve had your fill, you hop in your Lamborghini and head to work… at BestBuy, or maybe it’s Staples. Oops, almost forgot; you went to college so you may have landed a comfortable desk job.

Yes sir, instead of heading to two-a-days at the stadium preparing for the upcoming season on the gridiron, you’re playing the role of the stiff with a 9-5’er to make ends meet. Hey man, it is after all “straight cash, homey” and every hour worked in that inglorious soul-crusher known as work is another chance to elude the repo man.

Do you know who you are? You are an American football player who used to play in the NFL. Since the lockout, things just haven’t been the same. We know it’s all about the Benjamins and all (unless your name is Herschel Walker), so here are a few, possibly former NFL players who might actually have a chance in MMA, unlike Jonnie Morton.

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