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Six Other Seth Rogen/James Franco Films That Should’ve Been Canceled

Tag: Brock Lesnar

Calm Down Everyone, Brock Lesnar is NOT Coming Back to the UFC


(HELL YES I’D LIKE SECONDS. Photo via Getty.)

You gotta love us MMA media types. All we need is a snippet of not news to throw our spin on and suddenly, the internet is afire with ridiculous rumors based on the smallest semblance of evidence. Take the current “reports” of a potential Brock Lesnar return to the UFC. When asked about the possibility of seeing Lesnar (who will be in attendance at UFC 168) making a triumphant octagon return at the UFC 168 scrum, here was DW’s *verbatim* response:

I honestly don’t know. Honestly. I don’t know.

That’s it. Yet what headline is dominating every MMA website out there? Oh, something along the lines of “Is Brock Lesnar returning to the UFC?”, citing the exact quote I just provided you with. Well allow me to answer the question on (apparently) everyone’s mind for you: No, dumb-dumb, Brock Lesnar is NOT coming back to the UFC. Here’s why:

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On This Day in MMA History: CagePotato.com Launches, Immediately Begins Insulting People

On October 21st, 2007 — six years ago today — a snot-nosed MMA blog called CagePotato.com took its first breath, and for the most part, nobody gave a damn. The entire writing staff for the site’s launch consisted of one person, a young magazine-industry refugee named Ben Goldstein (that’s me). My professional credentials consisted of the following: I was a casual fan of the UFC, I had been laid off from a lad-mag called Stuff a couple months earlier, and I needed a job. Any job, really. So, when a friend of a friend named Jonathan Small* called me one day and said he was looking for some warm bodies to launch a few dude-oriented websites for Break Media (now Defy Media), I jumped at the chance. After all, the rent was due.

Though many long-time fans of CagePotato know the site’s history in its broad strokes, few know the details behind its launch. I was hesitant to talk about my personal background in the early days of the site’s existence, because I didn’t want to be exposed as a MMA noob, which I totally was**. Before CagePotato launched in 2007, I hadn’t written a single thing about MMA, and I had never managed a website. I had interviewed actresses and reviewed books, done features about hurricanes and porn stars, but the world of MMA blogging was completely foreign to me. Still, I enjoyed the sport, recognized that it was growing in popularity, and figured I had learned enough about short-form entertainment writing from five years of magazine gigs to make a snarky blog about MMA a modest success. Incredibly, I was right.

The first post I ever published was this Aftermath-type recap of UFC 77, the event where Anderson Silva TKO’d Rich Franklin for the second time, and Tim Sylvia picked up his final win in the UFC. At that point, most of what I knew about MMA came from Wikipedia, but the basic ball-busting tone of CagePotato was present from the beginning. An excerpt:

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Classic UFC Fight: Cain Velasquez Beats Bejesus Out of Brock Lesnar, Wins Heavyweight Title


(Fight starts at the 3:03 mark. Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

With UFC heavyweight champion Cain Velasquez set to make his Octagon return next month at UFC 166, the UFC has released the video of his first-ever title fight, which took place at UFC 121 on October 23rd, 2010. His opponent that night was Brock Lesnar, the reigning champ who had proven his toughness the previous July with a classic comeback win against Shane Carwin. Lesnar was gigantic, athletic, and had legit talent as a wrestler. To stand a chance at winning, Velasquez would need to be faster, more efficient with his striking, and more willing to take abuse before giving it back. And that’s exactly what happened.

After some rather hoarse-voiced introductions from The Buff, Lesnar bull-rushes the smaller challenger right away, hoping to establish himself as alpha-male. And it actually works, at first. Brock stuffs some knees into Velasquez’s midsection (including a flying knee), and Cain has to retreat momentarily. He storms back with some punches but Lesnar responds by nailing a takedown and landing on top — a position that had spelled doom for the majority of his past opponents. But Cain gets to his feet immediately.

Brock struggles to put Velasquez’s back on the mat once again, and momentarily succeeds, but Velasquez is up even quicker the second time, and deftly escapes Lesnar’s grasp. It’s here that the momentum shifts. Velasquez begins popping Lesnar with punches, showing off his significant advantage in striking technique, before single-legging Lesnar to the mat and firing down some punches from above as Lesnar is turtled. Eventually he escapes to his feet, but he looks much worse for the wear, hunched over, dazed, swatting at Velasquez in panic.

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Classic Fight: Frank Mir vs. Brock Lesnar at UFC 81 [VIDEO]


(Match starts at the 10:48 mark. Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

To hype up Frank Mir‘s return to the Octagon at UFC 164 this coming Saturday, the UFC has released one of Frank’s career highlights — his first-round submission victory against pro-wrestling star Brock Lesnar at UFC 81, back in February 2008. Lesnar had first dipped his toes into the MMA pool the previous June, when he swallowed up Min Soo Kim at Dynamite!! USA in Los Angeles. That was enough to earn him an invitation to the UFC, but his debut fight would not be an easy one.

Lesnar wasted absolutely no time in dumping Mir on his back and firing some nasty shots from above. Then, referee Steve Mazzagatti makes a rather controversial choice, halting the action after Lesnar lands some punches to the back of Mir’s head. Theoretically, it’s the right call to make; Lesnar clearly lands at least four rabbit-punches at the video’s 11:08-11:12 mark. But how many times have you actually seen a UFC referee enforce that rule so quickly, without previous warnings? The Mazz deducts a point from Lesnar and re-starts the action with the fighters in a standing position. It’s a lucky break for Mir, who gets a moment to clear the cobwebs.

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CagePotato Roundtable #24: What Was the Most Memorable Publicity Stunt By an MMA Fighter?


(Photo by Ben Watts for ESPN The Magazine. Click image for full-size version)

With the newest issue of the “ESPN Body Issue” set to hit shelves today – featuring none other than UFC contender (by convenience) Miesha Tate – we decided to take look back at memorable publicity stunts from other MMA fighters. Some were one-time incidents, some were entire careers, and one actually managed to be both. Read on for our picks, and please continue to send your ideas for future Roundtable topics to tips@cagepotato.com.

Ben Goldstein

There was a time when Kimbo Slice was the most popular MMA fighter in the world. That’s not hyperbole. There are actual numbers to back this up.

After Kevin Ferguson — Kimbo’s real name, in case you’ve forgotten — became an Internet legend fighting in backyards, boatyards, and basements, the bare-knuckle brawler decided to go legit and fight in steel cages instead. Kimbo’s first MMA exhibition in June 2007 was a classic freak show against boxer Ray Mercer, which Slice won by guillotine choke in just over a minute. After that, it was a career-defining 12 months in Gary Shaw’s utterly shameless EliteXC outfit, where Kimbo picked up three consecutive wins against Bo Cantrell (who put up no resistance whatsoever), Tank Abbott (a old-school relic just there to pay off his bar tabs), and James Thompson (who was slapped with a standing-TKO loss only because his ear was about to fall off).

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And Now He’s Retired: Shane Carwin Calls It Quits After Brief and Terrifying Career


(Photo via Heavy/Fightday)

Shane Carwin never needed to fight. For the last 13 years, the former UFC Interim Heavyweight Champion has worked full-time as a design engineer, and he could have made that his entire life if he wanted to. But Carwin happened to be blessed with some extraordinary physical gifts — a level of athleticism that helped him become the NCAA Division II wrestling heavyweight national champion in 1999 while competing for Western State Colorado University, and the kind of eerie, inhuman punching-power that made him one of the most intimidating heavyweights in MMA history.

Unfortunately, Carwin’s supersonic rise to the top was derailed just as quickly as it began, first by a failed challenge against unified champion Brock Lesnar at UFC 116 — with Carwin eating his first career loss thanks to Lesnar’s unexpected resilience and a poorly-timed adrenaline dump — and then by a seemingly-endless series of injuries and surgeries. Inactive since his June 2011 decision loss to Junior Dos Santos, Carwin announced his retirement yesterday evening with a simple message on twitter: Officially retired 2day:-) thank you to my family, friends and fans! #dreambig GOD BLESS!!!

Even before he entered the UFC, Carwin was something of an urban legend, a spook story that MMA heavyweights told their kids at night. Making his professional debut in October 2005, Carwin’s first eight fights all ended in first-round stoppage victories, half by chokes, half by way of his enormous fists. During one stretch in 2006-2007, he stopped three consecutive opponents in the first minute of the fight.

In 2008, Carwin got his well-deserved invite to the UFC, where he faced Christian Wellisch at UFC 84. Here’s what happened:

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Brock Lesnar Re-Signs With the WWE, Immediately F-5′s Vince McMahon [BECAUSE STONE COLD SAID SO]


(“Brock, I want to trust you, I really do. But I’ve seen The Jeffersons before and I’m pretty sure this isn’t how you fix my bad back.”)

I might not follow professional wrestling anymore, but I’ve started to notice a pattern of sorts in regards to Brock Lesnar’s relationship with the WWE, which has to be the easiest job that anyone could ever ask for. Seriously, Lesnar shows up once every year or so, says less than a sentence, F-5′s whoever the hell is standing across the ring from him, and then stands menacingly over the victim’s body until they cut to commercial. He’s like the Mongo of the WWE, only instead of punching horses, Lesnar takes out his frustrations on genetically-enhanced geriatrics like Vince McMahon, who the announcers hilariously reminded us was in fact a grandfather while Lesnar was tossing him through the air like a bag of garbage during last night’s Monday Night Raw as the dude from Hardcore Pawn stared on in horror. Pretty sweet gig if you ask me.

We probably should’ve seen something like this coming when it was reported that Lesnar had signed a two year extension with the wrestling promotion, but the exact same routine, down to the sleeveless black tee and breakaway pants? Methinks the WWE is running out of ideas. I mean, they could’ve at least gone the Shooter route and had Lesnar show up sporting some camo pants and an unkempt beard before declaring that McMahon had double-crossed/left him for dead at last year’s SummerSlam. Seriously, Vince, if you’re looking for a writer with a penchant for abortion jokes and hyperbole, I’m your guy.

Video after the jump.

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Friday Link Dump: 100 Haunted Knockouts, Daniel Cormier Gunning for Bones, Celebs Dressed as Wonder Woman + More


(The third annual Halloween episode from our bros at MMAInsidetheCageTV, featuring the 100 greatest knockouts from their last 12 episodes. Skip to the 2:47 mark and enjoy the violence.)

- Cain Velasquez: Daniel Cormier Wants to Drop Down to 205 to Fight Jon Jones, And He’d Beat Him (MMAFighting)

- 7 MMA Fighters Who Need to Call It Quits (BleacherReport)

Georges St-Pierre Admits His Fights Lack Entertainment (Fightline)

- Ugliest. Face-swap. Ever. (Facebook.com/CagePotato)

Fitness on the Fly: Powerful Knee Strikes (MensFitness)

What the UFC Didn’t Tell the Public About Jeremy Stephens’s Arrest (FightOpinion)

- Dana White: Brock Lesnar Is Never Coming Back, Fedor Either (HeavyMMA)

Who Doesn’t Like the Roy Nelson Action Figure? (TitoCouture)

- Nick Offerman Explains How to Grow a Mo’ (MadeMan)

- Gallery: Pro Athletes in Ridiculous Halloween Costumes (Complex)

- Meatloaf and Friends Serenade Mitt Romney With Extremely Awkward Singing (EgoTV)

- Celebrities Dressed as Wonder Woman (WorldWideInterweb)

Arnold Schwarzenegger Is Going to Play Conan the Barbarian Again (FilmDrunk)

- Top 10 Babes I’d Watch Play Sports (Repo’sDelight)

- Spike TV Offering $10MM To Anyone Who Can Prove The Existence Of Bigfoot (ScreenJunkies)

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A Note To All Flyweights: Michael Bisping Can Make Fun of *You*, Not the Other Way Around


(Benavidez REALLY lets Bisping have it at the 4:05 mark. That is sarcasm, by the way.)

It used to simply surprise me each time someone raced to defend the actions of Michael Bisping after we had given him the public tongue-lashing he so rightfully deserved, be it for his coaching exploits, his insistence on insulting every middleweight he comes across, or his general dickishness when alcohol is involved. His supporters, whom I can only assume are as crass, doltish, and incoherent as the subject at hand, often label us “anti-British,” because clearly Bisping’s ancestry is at the forefront of our issues with the guy, not the relentless douchbaggery he displays at every conceivable opportunity. But over the years, I’ve come to realize that no matter how sound a given argument is, there will always be a minority rallying against it. It’s why Old Dad was recently lambasted by the readers over at MMAJunkie for declaring that Brock Lesnar and all 8 of his professional fights had not earned him a spot in the UFC Hall of Fame because he had helped the sport get some fans (bring it on, bitches!). And it’s undoubtedly why some of you — for God knows what reason — will always be quick to defend the hooley-hoo punk-ass jabroni known as Count Bisping (seriously, BRING IT ON!).

Take his recent squabble with the UFC’s flyweight division, for instance. With no clear motivation (other than being billed below them at UFC 152), Bisping decided to launch into a diatribe aimed at the 125-pounders, declaring that “no one cares about little flyweights.” Bisping continued his attack at the UFC 152 press conference, where, when forced to deal with a response from Joseph Benavidez, stated that “when you were a glint in your dad’s eye, I was kicking ass in the UFC,” which makes sense because AGE IS DETERMINED BY HEIGHT AND WEIGHT AND THAT’S IT SHUT UP. Benavidez, along with most of us who can subtract 28 from 33, dismissed Bisping’s comments as “ridiculous” and moved on. However, when Benavidez was asked by teammate Urijah Faber in the “fighter diary” above if he thought he hit harder than Bisping, he nonchalantly declared that yes, he believed he did.

This was the kind of insolence that Bisping would simply not tolerate.

After the jump: Bisping’s response, which is as eloquently phrased and intelligent as Winston Churchill’s epic pwnage of Nancy Astor.

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Poll: Brock Lesnar vs. Fedor Emelianenko…Would You Like to See It?


(Five minutes later, Lesnar whipped up a fabulous vulture shit salad and the two feasted for days. Photo props go to the UG.)

Here’s what you need to know: a UGer by the screenname hmb recently reached out to UFC President Dana White and asked whether or not The Baldfather thought he could sign Brock Lesnar vs. Fedor Emelianenko in the near future. Improbable, we know. But being a man of the people, DW actually responded to the anonymous question with a question of his own:

Is this the fight u guys want to see? Post a thread asking if people want to see this fight.

Although the likelihood of this pairing ever coming to fruition is beyond implausible, the response was an overwhelming “yes.” And since the popular subject on CP today seems to be fantasy matchups and whether or not we’d actually want to see them, why not partake in a little more needless speculation?

We’ve added a poll after the jump to gauge your level of excitement for this potential match. Vote if you’d like to, and feel free to argue over who would win and how in the comments section. Seriously, we love it when you argue.

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