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Tag: Brock Lesnar

Brock Lesnar Re-Signs With the WWE, Immediately F-5′s Vince McMahon [BECAUSE STONE COLD SAID SO]


(“Brock, I want to trust you, I really do. But I’ve seen The Jeffersons before and I’m pretty sure this isn’t how you fix my bad back.”)

I might not follow professional wrestling anymore, but I’ve started to notice a pattern of sorts in regards to Brock Lesnar’s relationship with the WWE, which has to be the easiest job that anyone could ever ask for. Seriously, Lesnar shows up once every year or so, says less than a sentence, F-5′s whoever the hell is standing across the ring from him, and then stands menacingly over the victim’s body until they cut to commercial. He’s like the Mongo of the WWE, only instead of punching horses, Lesnar takes out his frustrations on genetically-enhanced geriatrics like Vince McMahon, who the announcers hilariously reminded us was in fact a grandfather while Lesnar was tossing him through the air like a bag of garbage during last night’s Monday Night Raw as the dude from Hardcore Pawn stared on in horror. Pretty sweet gig if you ask me.

We probably should’ve seen something like this coming when it was reported that Lesnar had signed a two year extension with the wrestling promotion, but the exact same routine, down to the sleeveless black tee and breakaway pants? Methinks the WWE is running out of ideas. I mean, they could’ve at least gone the Shooter route and had Lesnar show up sporting some camo pants and an unkempt beard before declaring that McMahon had double-crossed/left him for dead at last year’s SummerSlam. Seriously, Vince, if you’re looking for a writer with a penchant for abortion jokes and hyperbole, I’m your guy.

Video after the jump.

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Friday Link Dump: 100 Haunted Knockouts, Daniel Cormier Gunning for Bones, Celebs Dressed as Wonder Woman + More


(The third annual Halloween episode from our bros at MMAInsidetheCageTV, featuring the 100 greatest knockouts from their last 12 episodes. Skip to the 2:47 mark and enjoy the violence.)

- Cain Velasquez: Daniel Cormier Wants to Drop Down to 205 to Fight Jon Jones, And He’d Beat Him (MMAFighting)

- 7 MMA Fighters Who Need to Call It Quits (BleacherReport)

Georges St-Pierre Admits His Fights Lack Entertainment (Fightline)

- Ugliest. Face-swap. Ever. (Facebook.com/CagePotato)

Fitness on the Fly: Powerful Knee Strikes (MensFitness)

What the UFC Didn’t Tell the Public About Jeremy Stephens’s Arrest (FightOpinion)

- Dana White: Brock Lesnar Is Never Coming Back, Fedor Either (HeavyMMA)

Who Doesn’t Like the Roy Nelson Action Figure? (TitoCouture)

- Nick Offerman Explains How to Grow a Mo’ (MadeMan)

- Gallery: Pro Athletes in Ridiculous Halloween Costumes (Complex)

- Meatloaf and Friends Serenade Mitt Romney With Extremely Awkward Singing (EgoTV)

- Celebrities Dressed as Wonder Woman (WorldWideInterweb)

Arnold Schwarzenegger Is Going to Play Conan the Barbarian Again (FilmDrunk)

- Top 10 Babes I’d Watch Play Sports (Repo’sDelight)

- Spike TV Offering $10MM To Anyone Who Can Prove The Existence Of Bigfoot (ScreenJunkies)

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A Note To All Flyweights: Michael Bisping Can Make Fun of *You*, Not the Other Way Around


(Benavidez REALLY lets Bisping have it at the 4:05 mark. That is sarcasm, by the way.)

It used to simply surprise me each time someone raced to defend the actions of Michael Bisping after we had given him the public tongue-lashing he so rightfully deserved, be it for his coaching exploits, his insistence on insulting every middleweight he comes across, or his general dickishness when alcohol is involved. His supporters, whom I can only assume are as crass, doltish, and incoherent as the subject at hand, often label us “anti-British,” because clearly Bisping’s ancestry is at the forefront of our issues with the guy, not the relentless douchbaggery he displays at every conceivable opportunity. But over the years, I’ve come to realize that no matter how sound a given argument is, there will always be a minority rallying against it. It’s why Old Dad was recently lambasted by the readers over at MMAJunkie for declaring that Brock Lesnar and all 8 of his professional fights had not earned him a spot in the UFC Hall of Fame because he had helped the sport get some fans (bring it on, bitches!). And it’s undoubtedly why some of you — for God knows what reason — will always be quick to defend the hooley-hoo punk-ass jabroni known as Count Bisping (seriously, BRING IT ON!).

Take his recent squabble with the UFC’s flyweight division, for instance. With no clear motivation (other than being billed below them at UFC 152), Bisping decided to launch into a diatribe aimed at the 125-pounders, declaring that “no one cares about little flyweights.” Bisping continued his attack at the UFC 152 press conference, where, when forced to deal with a response from Joseph Benavidez, stated that “when you were a glint in your dad’s eye, I was kicking ass in the UFC,” which makes sense because AGE IS DETERMINED BY HEIGHT AND WEIGHT AND THAT’S IT SHUT UP. Benavidez, along with most of us who can subtract 28 from 33, dismissed Bisping’s comments as “ridiculous” and moved on. However, when Benavidez was asked by teammate Urijah Faber in the “fighter diary” above if he thought he hit harder than Bisping, he nonchalantly declared that yes, he believed he did.

This was the kind of insolence that Bisping would simply not tolerate.

After the jump: Bisping’s response, which is as eloquently phrased and intelligent as Winston Churchill’s epic pwnage of Nancy Astor.

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Poll: Brock Lesnar vs. Fedor Emelianenko…Would You Like to See It?


(Five minutes later, Lesnar whipped up a fabulous vulture shit salad and the two feasted for days. Photo props go to the UG.)

Here’s what you need to know: a UGer by the screenname hmb recently reached out to UFC President Dana White and asked whether or not The Baldfather thought he could sign Brock Lesnar vs. Fedor Emelianenko in the near future. Improbable, we know. But being a man of the people, DW actually responded to the anonymous question with a question of his own:

Is this the fight u guys want to see? Post a thread asking if people want to see this fight.

Although the likelihood of this pairing ever coming to fruition is beyond implausible, the response was an overwhelming “yes.” And since the popular subject on CP today seems to be fantasy matchups and whether or not we’d actually want to see them, why not partake in a little more needless speculation?

We’ve added a poll after the jump to gauge your level of excitement for this potential match. Vote if you’d like to, and feel free to argue over who would win and how in the comments section. Seriously, we love it when you argue.

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[VIDEO] Brock Lesnar Claims That He is “Never Coming Back” to the WWE


(How many times do I have to tell you people this? I HAVE COMMITMENT ISSUES!) 

My grandfather always told me “Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear,” a statement that would in turn lead to a lifetime’s worth of cynicism. So perhaps it’s just my general misanthropy rearing its ugly head, but when former UFC heavyweight champ Brock Lesnar released a video last night declaring that he was “never coming back” to the WWE, I was a bit skeptical. After all, Lesnar just returned to the promotion in April, and I may not follow the WWE anymore, but I’m pretty sure that Vince McMahon doesn’t hand out many five month contracts. For Christ’s sake, isn’t Ric Flair’s decomposing corpse still fighting for a retirement check that will never come?

Anyway, Lesnar released the video that awaits you after the jump, stating:

I came here and I accomplished everything that I said I was going to do. There’s nothing left for me here to conquer. I’m leaving the WWE and I’m never coming back.

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Brock Lesnar Gets Clotheslined Out of the Ring on 1,000th Episode of WWE Raw [VIDEO]


(Props: WWEFanNation)

After some awful soap opera bullshit involving Paul Heyman and Triple H, former cage-fighter Brock Lesnar showed up on the historic 1,000th episode of WWE Raw last night to save his manager from getting slapped to death by Stephanie McMahon. Though his last run-in with Triple H ended in a Submission of the Night performance, Brock got the short end of the script this time, and was clotheslined directly out of the ring. (Perfect execution on that fall, by the way. The man’s still got it.)

Plus, the Undertaker and Kane reunited, and Fozzie Bear showed up. Hardcore, bro.

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Quote of the Day: Josh Rosenthal Was “Slow on the Trigger” During Munoz/Weidman


(A replay of the Munoz/Weidman ending in all its gory glory for those of you who missed it.) 

Right before he kinda sorta announced his pending retirement from the sport during the UFC on FOUEL TV post-fight show, Stephan Bonnar made the audacious claim that referee Josh Rosenthal should be fined and/or suspended for his late stoppage during the Mark Munoz/Chris Weidman fight. After Weidman landed some 12 or 13 unanswered shots on a helpless Munoz, I briefly thought that we were witnessing the first death in the promotion’s history, and my immediate reaction was almost that of agreement. Almost. 

Because, although it is hard to deny that Rosenthal dropped the ball Wednesday night, the stoppage was likely considered even worse because it was a revered official like Rosenthal who made it. This wasn’t Steve Mazzagati calling an eye poke a TKO or Kim Winslow letting Jan Finney return from the dead only to be killed once more. This was Josh freakin’ Rosenthal, a man who had not only made our top five referees list a couple years ago, but had easily climbed up it a few spots in the time since. This was a man who had, as GritandMettle’s Darren Jensen put it, “reffed Shogun vs Hendo perfectly” — the same goes for his excellent job in the first round of Brock Lesnar and Shane Carwin’s UFC 116 heavyweight title fight. What we’re saying is, this isn’t an everyday occurrence for the guy. Hell, can anyone even remember an instance in recent memory that Rosenthal has even come close to screwing up (Faber/Mizugaki maybe)?

In retrospect, Bonnar’s assessment was a little harsh, but Rosenthal was still willing to admit that he shit the bed, so to speak, when he appeared on SiriusXM’s “Tapout Radio Show”.

Check out a few snippets from the interview after the jump.

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According to Alistair Overeem, Alistair Overeem Will Be Fighting in December


(As Dennis Reynolds once said, “I’m not gonna take no for an answer, because I just refuse to do that. Because I’m a winner, and winners… we don’t listen to words like ‘no,’ or ‘don’t,’ or ‘STOP!”) 

Either our math is a little off, or Alistair Overeem has literally gotten so strong that he can both fly and alter the very fabric of time using the power of his centrifugal forces. Because, according to a recent tweet sent out by “The Reem,” the former Dream and Strikeforce heavyweight champion will be back in action this December, despite the fact that he received a nine month suspension just under two months ago:

Well at least he gave you fair warning, Amish communities of Florida.

As he was told in his April hearing, the earliest Alistair could reapply for his license would be December 27th, meaning that the earliest he could compete would be in the UFC’s always loaded New Year’s Eve card, exactly one year after he demolished Brock Lesnar at UFC 141.

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Frank Mir ‘Not Opposed’ to Doing Professional Wrestling


(“DO YOU SMELL WHAT THE FRANK IS COOKING??”)

Wow, Frank Mir wants to face Brock Lesnar again more than we realized. The two-time UFC heavyweight champion (and two-time Lesnar adversary) recently told The Chronicle Journal that he is “not opposed to the idea” of becoming a professional wrestler, although he did clarify that he “can’t do a back flip or anything.”

Mir has never kept secret the fact that he wants revenge on Lesnar for the beating he took at Brock’s hands in their rematch. With Lesnar back in the WWE, maybe Mir realizes that his only chance at getting his paws on Brock again is for the two of them to work together in a squared circle.

But could Mir really be trusted to stick to the script and work collaboratively with his nemesis, should they meet up in the WWE? Daniel Puder taught us that MMA fighters can’t always be trusted to make pro wrestling superstars look good in the ring.

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The Fourteen Ugliest Walkout Shirts in MMA


Yes, it’s ugly, trashy and tasteless to include Arianny on this list. Just like this t-shirt. Props: UFCStore.com

MMA fighters aren’t exactly known for their fashion sense. So it should come as little surprise that most MMA t-shirt companies produce some pretty questionable designs. The rampant abuse of foil print, skulls, chains, tribal designs and nautical stars among most MMA t-shirts is bad enough on its own; even worse when you consider that they sell for thirty bucks a pop.

Which I guess makes it all the worse when a fighter makes his way to the cage covered in an “athletic fit” Old-English mess. Not only is the shirt revolting, but it’s going to sell for an outlandish sum of money, and be worn by every overweight Texas Roadhouse chef, milquetoast tech support geek and muscle-bound frat boy.

Perhaps the reason that we’ve never attempted an “Ugliest Walkout Shirts” post is because ranking these train wrecks is like ranking, well, actual train wrecks. No matter what order you place them in, you’re a total scumbag for attempting to rank a tragedy from most to least depressing. And besides, you’re clearly wrong about which one belongs at number three. For that reason, these will not be ranked, per se, but rather categorized. How you feel these shirts fall into place is up to you.

Let’s start with the most obvious category:

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