(Video courtesy of YouTube/federalpremiumammo)

Well, it looks like Brock Lesnar has recovered from his latest diverticulitis flare-up. The former WWE and UFC heavyweight champion’s sponsor Federal Premium Ammo released the video above of Lesnar out killing vicious prairie dogs with high-powered rifles while laughing like a maniac and chewing on Jack’s Links jerky. So much for his illness making him a kinder, gentler Brock who eats healthier.

(Unlike the rest of us, the eye candy in the back decided to open her eyes for Cyborg.)

By Jason Moles

While suffering through The Change-Up this weekend, I started thinking about the hypothetical situation of MMA fighters switching bodies. Obviously, one fighter would get the short end of the stick, like in all relationships, but other than that, it’s all good news from there. Imagine the man with a warrior spirit and broken body upgrading for a newer model. Imagine the heavy-duty gas-guzzler being replaced by a tiny, eco-friendly, electric car. Imagine experience and youth joining forces to reign terror on anything that steps in its way. So who most deserves a cinematic body-swap? Read on and find out…

BJ Penn and Brock Lesnar

Advantage: Baby Jay

For years, Penn has been criticized for his lack of self-discipline and willingness to stay in shape. Switching bodies would solve that problem and create what might be the best heavyweight in UFC history. A Nova Uniao Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt with explosive striking and a granite chin, Penn has everything that Lesnar wishes he had. The Prodigy would be a wrecking ball at heavyweight if he had Brock’s body — as long as the viking took the diverticulitis thing with him. If he had to keep the illness during the switch, then I guess we could all agree that we’d like to see Josh Koscheck trade bodies with Brock.

(Video courtesy of YouTube/IronChefKenichiSakai)

UFC 87: Seek and Destroy went down three years ago at the Target Center in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

Why it Matters:

(Video courtesy of YouTube/SemtexRumble617)

• Jon Jones made his UFC debut on the card, defeating fellow undefeated fighter Andre Gusmao by unanimous decision. Jones would go on to win five of his next six fights in dominating fashion against some of the promotion’s best fighters including Vladimir Matyushenko, Brandon Vera and Mauricio “Shogun” Rua at UFC 128 to win the UFC light heavyweight strap in a little more than two-and-a-half years since he first competed in the Octagon. Analysts predict that he will go down as one of the sport’s best fighters. Time will tell.

(Brock, pre-c*ck sword)

Former UFC heavyweight champion Brock Lesnar was born in Webster, South Dakota on this day in 1977.

Thanks to an undefeated 33-0 record he compiled in his final year of high school and an upset victory over top-seeded University of Minnesota heavyweight Brent Boeschans his division in the North Dakota State University’s Bison Open Tournament in 1997 while attending Bismarck Junior College, Lesnar was granted a full scholarship by Boeschans Alma Mater the following year after Bismarck dropped its wrestling program. Brock, who had amassed a 56-3 record in his two years at Bismarck wasted no time in making a name for himself at U of M by winning the Big 10 tournament and effectively ending Iowa’s 25-year streak as tournament champion.

ATTENTION PAUL BUENTELLO: Please do this at Bellator 48.  PLEASE.

“The only great failure in life is the failure to try.” -Some old wise man, probably with a large beard

Fail is sort of like porn. You can’t really define it properly, but you know it when you see it. And brother, we’ve seen some fail watching our favorite sport. It can happen anytime, from walking out to the ring, to celebrating your victory (see above), and anytime between. We here at CagePotato hold MMA and fighters in our highest regard … but we still like to point and laugh every once in a while. Allow us to present to you our first (in what we assume will be many) installment of MMA Fails.

Special thanks go out to anyone and everyone who ever GIF’d a video, including the fine people at UpstandingCitizens, MMA-Core, IronForgesIron, and MMATKO.  Props.

Now let’s get it on!

(Video courtesy of YouTube/LegalForLess)

Add UFC lightweight Clay Guida to the list of MMA fighters who have acted in television commercials. With the guest spot above he did in the latest Safe Auto Ad, “The Carpenter” joins the ranks of the likes of Kurt Pellegrino, Jon Jones, Georges St-Pierre, Bob Sapp, Wanderlei Silva, Mirko Cro Cop and Mark Coleman.

Check out some of our other amesomely cheesy favorites after the jump.

(Now we know why Brock left…OK, besides ridicule about the tattoo.)

Well, there you have it. Watertown, South Dakota just reverted back to being as closed-minded as New York when it comes to MMA sanctioning.

According to reports, town residents voted 1228-841 to suspend mixed martial arts regulation after a fight between two bar patrons turned fatal when one of the combatants died as a result of injuries he sustained in the fracas. So why would they ban MMA as a result, you may ask? Because one of the combatants, a man by the name of Jerrin Stulken happened to be a local MMA trainer.

Bob Reilly’s cousin Bubba must be the mayor of that podunk town.

If you missed Keyboard Warriors Monday, hey thanks. Nice to know someone actually appreciates all I do to entertain you jerkfaces. For the rest of you: hey guess what i did?

Yup, prepare yourselves for KBW #3! In the aftermath of the weekend’s Strikeforce action, Dana takes the time to address the heavyweights, evaluate their performances, and fill them in on his short terms plans. And his long term plans. Say what you will, but Big Daddy White dreams big, son.

If you are interested in 100% made up conversations between characters that are mostly fabrications, come on in and enjoy. Feel free to comment your little hands off. If you don’t like comedy … well, i’ve got nothing for you.

Why do you keep coming here again?

As always, thanks to Christopher and those jokers at WithLeather.

[RX]

(Look, we only have this at the top because we couldn’t find that clip of Krazy Horse telling kids to “stay in school, and don’t f*ck with drugs.”)

By Matthew “The Fight Nerd” Kaplowitz

The public service announcement has been part of American culture for decades. Popularized by the perpetually foxy Nancy Reagan in the ’80s, the PSA has taught us everything from not smoking crack to not dumping a pot of boiling oil on your face, and a whole bunch of other not’s. It has also served as a way to punish celebrities and athletes who did something incredibly stupid and got caught.

MMA fighters eventually began to get roped into this as the popularity of the sport rose; some are good, while others should be avoided as much as strangers in pick-up trucks who offer to let you see their puppy. That is why today I present to you the top eight public service announcements featuring MMA fighters. Why? Because knowing is half the battle…

8. Randy Couture VS Crystal Meth

Just say no to drugs! Randy Couture enters the battle against Methamphetamines in this PSA, because when you think crystal meth, think Randy Couture. For a video that is meant to appear sad and claustrophobic, it comes off like an amateur snuff film and loses its impact with the soft-spoken UFC veteran.

Couture has done plenty of these ads, so don’t be surprised if he pops back up on this list. Am I saying he will for sure? No, but if I did, would you stop loving me? I can’t handle any more rejection…oh man, sinking back into that pit of despair. I need some meth. But if I do that, then Randy won’t love me either. Argh, what a vicious cycle! But seriously kids, don’t do drugs. If you feel yourself losing power to your addiction, go punch a hobo instead. It’s much more fulfilling, but don’t take my word for it.

Oh, and I lied. Randy does not appear again on this list. That was the crystal meth talking.

(Video courtesy of YouTube/BratIvan88)

When news first got out that a little known fighter named Jon Olaf Einemo who hadn’t fought in over five years was scheduled to take on former UFC number one heavyweight contender Shane Carwin at UFC 131, many wrote it off as an easy tune-up fight for “The Engineer” who has been out of commission rehabbing a back and neck ailment since having surgery last year.

To those in the know, however, Einemo is a tough challenge, no matter how long he’s been away from MMA.

Einemo’s only MMA loss came by unanimous decision to Fabricio Werdum at PRIDE 31. For most, not being submitted by the decorated Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt would be an accomplishment in itself considering he tapped out Alistair Overeem and Aleksander Emelianenko just a few months later. But Einemo was an ADCC champ who won the revered submission grappling tournament in 2003, (and would later lose to Roger Gracie on points in 2009 in the same tournament) so it was unlikely he’d be submitted, even by Werdum.

Fast forward five years and the 35-year-old Norwegian heavyweight, who has remained busy training with his new Team Golden Glory teammates in Holland and competing in grappling tournaments since stepping away from MMA to focus on his family, is stepping back in the cage to take on UFC newcomer Dave Herman, who replaced Shane Carwin in the match (who stepped in to face Junior dos Santos in the main event when Brock Lesnar was forced off the card due to a diverticulitis flare-up) this weekend in Vancouver at UFC 131 this weekend. Most think that ring rust and Herman’s proven stand-up may play a factor in the bout, but considering Einemo is a main training partner of Strikeforce and K-1 champion Alistair Overeem and according to his coaches has had “many wars in sparring” with “The Reem,” it seems doubtful that the 6′ 6″ fighter (Herman is no slouch himself at 6′ 5″) will be unprepared in any areas of the fight.

After the jump: Rounds two and three of Einemo’s fight with Werdum and his ADCC match with Roger Gracie.

By CagePotato contributor Jason Moles

During the illustrious eighteen-year history of the Ultimate Fighting Championship, we’ve witnessed countless brutal beatings, killer knockouts, and spectacular submissions. Simply put, we’ve witnessed a ton of holy $&*% moments!

I’m sure you have your favorites that you’ll share with your grandkids when you’re sitting in the old man’s chair. But have you ever stopped and asked yourself which moments in the past two decades were the biggest on a large scale? Well I did and I went to the largest scale imaginable: the almighty Google and here’s what I found. Remember, Google doesn’t have emotional or monetary interest at stake here. These moments are the ones that have generated the most web traffic via searches, not which ones impacted the sport the most.

5.) St. Pierre Beats Shields at UFC 129 – 04/30/2011

Why it’s ranked: Jake Shields left Strikeforce as champion so essentially casual fans and mainstream media alike viewed this as the first major inter-promotional, champion vs. champion fight. Georges St. Pierre, reigning UFC Welterweight champion and winner of nine straight came out on top of Shields who was riding a fifteen-fight win streak over the past five years.

The UFC went all in on this one hyping this event with the normal Countdown shows in addition to a pretty sweet commercial, the Primetime series, and a flyer in my mailbox reminding me to order the PPV. It was a huge moment in both men’s career primarily because it was the first tough competition either had faced in quite some time up to that point.  The underlying reason this mattered so much is that we all wanted to see the GSP vs. Silva super fight.

If the fact that he has broken training partner’s facial bones with jabs, torn through expensive focus mitts with combinations and sent trainers running for icepacks after holding pads for him are any indication of Shane Carwin’s punching power, getting hit in the face by “The Engineer” might not be something Junior dos Santos should try when he heads to Vancouver next week. We’d recommend he try something less harmful to his health like a butter tart or a Moosehead lager or pale ale.

Brock Lesnar has a gut feeling. It’s a bad feeling.

Brock Lesnar is reportedly convalescing from his latest dust up with diverticulitis, after undergoing scheduled surgery Friday to deal with the chronic and debilitating intestinal disorder. According to the Baldfather, Lesnar had “about twelve inches” of his colon removed, and there’s perhaps a bit of irony that Mr “Write That Down In Your Little Notebook” is uncomfortable in the bunghole region. “He said he’s a little sore, but the operation was a huge success,” says Dana.   Take it with a grain of salt, but Lesnar and the UFC are optimistic for a to return to the cage in early 2012.

Just in case you missed the important part in there, Brock Lesnar just lost about a foot of his large intestine.  Also,  how has no one mocked up the Trash Talking Kids “Eat Some Broccoli Lesnar” yet?

For the previous installments of our conversation with Brock Lesnar, click here and here.

Update: The complete audio from this interview is now at the end of the post.

BRIAN D’SOUZA: [When you were sick], maybe you thought a lot about your family, about what you’ve achieved in life…any regrets?
BROCK LESNAR: No, you know, I thought, if this thing is going to take advantage of me, I wanted to figure out what was wrong with me so I could beat it. When you’re laying there, after the fact, you start thinking about your family, and your friends. It wasn’t until afterwards when you’re thinking ‘Man — I really could have died from this stuff,’ when the dust settles, and you start thinking about it.

And on the other side of things, on the business side, there’s a lot invested in you, or a lot of value to you from the UFC. What was their attitude back then and recently, right now [when you pulled out of the Junior dos Santos fight]?
The first thing that came out of Dana White’s mouth was concern for my health. He said, “Don’t even worry about the fight. Let’s get your health taken care of.” That goes to show a lot about the company, and about the person that Dana White is.

Josh Barnett once told me ‘We have a pro wrestling system for MMA.’ But I kind of believe it’s a star system; I believe this based on the estimated pay-per-view buys which suggest — which we both know — you’re the number one draw in the organization by far. Going into the millions of pay-per-view buys where Georges St-Pierre can maybe do 800,000 or 900,000. How do you feel about being the number one guy?
Well, I don’t feel any different other than I’m glad to be in that spot, that opportunity; it’s a lucrative spot to be in, and at the end of the day, I hope that I can get back in the Octagon to keep trying to pursue those numbers.

For part one of our conversation with Brock Lesnar, click here.

BRIAN D’SOUZA: There’s your stage persona, and there’s your own job and family. I understand you didn’t want the media to cut into time when you’re having dinner with your family.
BROCK LESNAR: I really don’t know anybody that does. My time with family is very important to me and in today’s age with the cell phone and the internet, there’s not a lot of privacy left in this world and everybody knows what everyone is doing at any given time and I don’t really care if anyone knows what I’m doing at any given time.

Moving on to your wrestling career, you talk about not having watched — what is it — five minutes of wrestling before you came to professional wrestling. Is that true?
That is true.

So what sports were you drawn to view, to watch, growing up?
Well growing up, we had 2 ½ TV channels that sometimes worked, and sometimes didn’t. And in the summertime, I very rarely watched any television because we were working. I was outside. To me, if I’m inside, I don’t feel natural. My sons are the same way — they’d rather be outside doing something and I think that that’s a big problem in today’s society where kids are in front of the computer, the television and the [video] game boxes; they don’t get to go outside and experience communication, and nature, and get out and be creative and entertain yourself, and not having to be entertained by technology.

“The bottom line: I don’t talk about my personal life with strangers. This one time, and this one time only. You are invited to join me in my private world for a few hours. Just don’t ever expect another invitation.” – back cover of Death Clutch: My Story of Determination, Domination, and Survival, Brock Lesnar’s autobiography

By Brian J. D’Souza

Harper Collins provided me with an opportunity that comes too infrequently in MMA — a chance to talk to Brock Lesnar one-on-one, to discuss his new book, while he’s in a good mood. The truth about Lesnar? He came from a small town, worked extremely hard, and utilized a wrestling persona to become the number one MMA draw. Does he hate the media? How much money does he make? And what does he think of promoters like Vince McMahon who pull all the strings? Read our three-part interview series with the controversial UFC heavyweight contender and find out…

BRIAN D’SOUZA: Death Clutch is your story, it’s your autobiography, it’s written in conjunction with Paul Heyman. First of all, tell us a little bit about your relationship with Paul, when you first met him?
BROCK LESNAR: I met Paul back in 2001, working for the WWE, and Paul was working as a writer for Vince McMahon, and I met Paul one day, he came up, and introduced himself. The next thing I knew, we were working together, and he was my onscreen manager and we became friends throughout the process, and stayed in contact over the years, and it was a delightful process for him and I to get together and reminisce and put this book together.

So of course, he had a lot of writing experience. I noticed the book is well-written.
Yeah, the main reason I decided to do this with Paul is because I felt comfortable having a conversation with him about all the subjects. Between him, the publisher, and my attorneys, I believe it’s a well-written book.

Can you tell me a little about your relationship with Erik Paulson, one of your trainers?
Erik is a Minnesota guy, and I met Erik through Greg Nelson. Greg was one of the first guys that started training me for Mixed Martial Arts and throughout the process, I was able to meet Erik Paulson; being fellow Minnesotans and Erik having a plethora of knowledge in the sport he’s been a mentor of mine throughout the full process.

I heard a rumor — maybe true, maybe not — that before the Shane Carwin fight you stopped working with him and concentrated on other trainers. Is that true?

(“The fact you would even bring Barthelme into this discussion tells me everything I need to know about your view of so-called postmodern literature, Mir. Seriously, grad school is over, man.”)

We’re still 10 days out from the scheduled release of Brock Lesnar’s autobiography and – if you’re like us – it’s getting hard to wait, since you already expunged your spring reading list by powering through “The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks” and “The Emperor of All Maladies” over the weekend. What can you say? You are a fucking voracious reader. Luckily for you, the fine folks at literary giant Harper Collins have served up a fairly lengthy excerpt from the former UFC heavyweight champion’s upcoming opus “Death Clutch” to keep you sated until the actual publication date.

Some of the middle-aged ladies who work at HC have even been tweeting links to the outtakes from Lesnar’s book – something we bet they never thought they’d be doing when they got into publishing – and so we checked it out. Oddly, we were sort of delighted with what we found. Firstly, it turns out that Lesnar finds a way to dis Frank Mir in the book’s very first paragraph. We read that and started thinking, ‘OK Brock, you have our attention.’ Look for Mir to fire back in his upcoming memoir “Confessions of a Strip Club Bouncer.” After the jump however, Lesnar gets the first word …

(This man is earning his paycheck.)

A pair of UFC fight bookings were reported today by MMAJunkie. Heavyweight Octagon newcomers Jon Olaf Einemo and Dave Herman will meet at UFC 131 next month in Vancouver, BC and Vladimir Matyushenko and  Alexander Gustafsson will square off at UFC 133 in August in Philidelphia, PA.

(Pic: MMA Soldier)

It was rampant speculation time across the interwebs on Friday, after yesterday’s announcement that Brock Lesnar’s diverticulitis has returned with a vengeance. “Is Brock done?” we all wondered aloud. Is Carwin vs. dos Santos actually a better fight? Can the UFC rebound from a couple of weeks that saw the main events of UFC 130, 131 and 133 all go up in smoke? And, dear God, are Urijah Faber and Dominick Cruz next to suffer some bizarre malady, causing a reshuffling of the only PPV still left in one piece? Nobody knows.

What we do know is this: Brock Lesnar turns 34 in July and twice now since 2009 he’s seen his career indefinitely sidetracked by being the world’s only millionaire athlete to get a near fatal disease from not eating enough vegetables. Age has never been particularly kind to jumbo-sized athletes and even for a professional wrestler, Lesnar’s job history has been pretty flighty over the years. So, while we can’t say with any kind of certainty that his MMA career might be over over, Lesnar’s second bout with a strange digestive infection nobody had ever heard of before two years ago can’t exactly be considered a good thing. Apparently, the first time he went through this the UFC forgot to tell us that diverticulitis is something that sticks around for the rest of your life. Whoops. But we digress. What it all means for Lesnar, dos Santos, Carwin and – most importantly – you, after the jump.

(Lesnar was emphatic that this would not be a career-ending malady.)

The UFC held an impromptu conference call today to announce that former UFC heavyweight champion Brock Lesnar has been force to pull out of his upcoming UFC 131 bout in Vancouver next month against Junior dos Santos due to a recent flare-up of diverticulitis that has left the North Dakota native physically unable to train for the bout.

Hear the audio from the call HERE.

An obviously disappointed Lesnar, who spent 14 hours at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN yesterday undergoing a battery of tests, explained that he tried to work through the exhaustion and the pain of the malady, but it was simply too much to deal with while preparing for such an important bout. Both Lesnar and UFC president Dana White echoed the same sentiment that the fight is of secondary importance to Brock’s health and wellbeing, revealing that his symptoms began resurfacing three weeks ago.

(Props: FightGameTV via Deaf Forever)

Hmm. Poor Tank has taken too many bottles to the head, if you know what I’m saying…

(Above: Zach Davis’s face-off with Chuck O’Neil. Below: Jake Busey, for comparison. Gif via ironforgesiron.com)

It’s a big ol’ locker-room pity party on Team Dos Santos following Mick Bowman’s loss. “Sometimes it’s not our time to be winner, but we have to try our best,” Junior says, trying to raise Mick’s spirits. He explains that the UFC is looking for exciting fighters and exciting fights. Lew Polley sees it differently: “You can say whatever you want, I don’t care, but the fact of the matter is, your job is just to win the fight. If it’s boring [and] you win, great. If it’s exciting [and] you lose, then what?”

Junior is not pleased to be contradicted in front of his team. “I think we make the guys a little bit confused, Lew,” he says. “Because sometimes I say something and you say something different…I know you’re a good fighter, I’m glad you’re here, but I think we need to talk to each other.” Uh-ohhh.

Back on the victorious Team Chickenshit, Brock tells Len Bentley that if they win their next two fights, he’s in line for a wild card spot. (Pay attention. This will become important later in the show.) And like clockwork, Len goes down grabbing his knee in practice. “I’m speechless,” Brock says, not literally speechless. “Maybe it’s time to close shop here for the day…I just want to exit the building. I’m just sick to my stomach.”

(Leg kicks, why have you forsaken me? / Photo courtesy of allelbows.com)

Today, as you know, is Easter — a day in which Christians celebrate the resurrection of Jesus, three days after his crucifixion. To commemorate the holiday, we’d like to take this time to remember notable resurrections in the sport of mixed martial arts. (Because we’re respectful like that.) There’s nothing more incredible than watching a dude get the living crap beaten out of him for minutes at a time, and then somehow, miraculously, finding the strength to knock his opponent dead before the last bell. So without further ado, here are 11 of our favorite “Back From the Dead” MMA fights of all time…

(Without televisions in the house, Ramsey and Junior had to imagine what happened on the ‘Jersey Shore’ finale. / Props: IronForgesIron)

Lew Polley thinks Team Dos Santos is outworking Team Lesnar, and believes Brock Lesnar has already lost interest. “Junior legitimately cares about how these kids are doing,” he says, totally contradicting the trash he’ll talk after the show wraps.

Lesnar, who missed last week’s fight due to a family obligation, returns to a very luke-warm welcome. “Len, I heard you fought hard buddy,” he says. Len Bentley isn’t interested in such pleasantries. After going 1-2 in the first three fights, Team Lesnar is down to “The Four Horsemen”: Tony Ferguson, Clay Harvison, Chuck O’Neil, and Charlie Rader.

But in practice, the Horsemen are performing like a bunch of damn fillies. Clay is sleepwalking through practice, and Charlie is lollygagging too. (Brock’s word, not mine.)

(“What can I say? Beef jerky and flattops don’t pay for themselves.”)

As the rest of us scramble to get our taxes done in the hopes of getting back a nominal return, the world’s highest paid athletes laugh at us from their million-dollar penthouse apartments as they light thousand-dollar cigars with hundred dollar bills as their accountants write checks to Uncle Sam on their behalf to cover what they owe for the year.

Sadly, what the top ball throwers, dribblers, catchers, hitters and kickers pay out in yearly taxes equals more than many of us will make in a single year as long as we live. According to ESPN The Magazine, former UFC heavyweight champion Brock Lesnar is a member of that elite club as well.

By CagePotato contributor, Jason Moles

(Garth DeFelice could have been a contender if it weren’t for that bum hip.)

Imagine for a moment that it’s a hot July morning. You wake up in your McMansion located in a gated community or on a private road. You step into a bathroom, which appears to have been transplanted from a magazine, and take a shower. After you’re dressed, it’s time to have a modest breakfast consisting of no less than four eggs, three slices of bacon, three sausage links, a stack of hotcakes so scrumptious Paul Bunyan would be jealous, and all the freshly squeezed orange juice a man could want. Once you’ve had your fill, you hop in your Lamborghini and head to work… at BestBuy, or maybe it’s Staples. Oops, almost forgot; you went to college so you may have landed a comfortable desk job.

Yes sir, instead of heading to two-a-days at the stadium preparing for the upcoming season on the gridiron, you’re playing the role of the stiff with a 9-5’er to make ends meet. Hey man, it is after all “straight cash, homey” and every hour worked in that inglorious soul-crusher known as work is another chance to elude the repo man.

Do you know who you are? You are an American football player who used to play in the NFL. Since the lockout, things just haven’t been the same. We know it’s all about the Benjamins and all (unless your name is Herschel Walker), so here are a few, possibly former NFL players who might actually have a chance in MMA, unlike Jonnie Morton.

(Video courtesy of YouTube/NicktheFace2)

Although we’re a bit skeptical that he’ll hold true to his word this time, Randy Couture says win or lose, he’s calling it quits after his UFC 129 showdown with Lyoto Machida.

In honor of “The Natural” we thought it would be timely and appropriate to post a highlight video showing some of the greatest moments of his storied MMA career. It just so happens that “Nick the Face” recently assembled a UFC 129 highlight video that fits the bill nicely and incorporates most of Randy’s best performances.

Check out NTF’s awesome Lesnar vs. Dos Santos highlight after the jump.

(Video courtesy of YouTube/bjfromarattlesnake)

Brock Lesnar sat down recently with HDNet’s Mike Straka for the latest episode of Fighting Words and as always, the former UFC heavyweight champ had a lot to say.

We won’t spoil the rare experience of hearing Brock speak candidly and honestly about his life by revealing all of the topics he covered, but we will say that Gus Johnson’s make-up artist made Brock and Straka look remarkably like  Zac Effron and Justin Bieber.

(“Look mom, no future!” Pic: Las Vegas Sun)

If 13 seasons of “The Ultimate Fighter” have taught us anything, it’s that we will never see Keon Caldwell again. Truth is, you can get away with a lot of things on “TUF” and very little of it really has anything to do with being a professional fighter. You can piss in somebody’s fruit tray. You can piss in somebody’s bed. You can piss in somebody’s workout gear. Hell, you can even get drunk and piss in your own pants and as long as you don’t cause an embarrassing public scene at a casino later, you’ll probably be fine. After approximately 160 episodes however, one thing we know you absolutely can not do is quit the UFC’s popular reality show.

In choosing to leave “TUF” of his own free will this week, Caldwell essentially committed career suicide. Of all the bullshit UFC fighters can do and be forgiven — Steroids? Fine. Federal crimes? Whatever. High speed chases with the cops? No problem – it’s strange to think that quitting a TV program is a sin that simply can’t be absolved. It’s true though, leave “TUF” and you might as well be a child molester. You’re done. Finito. Dead to them. Time to start thinking about community college.

More than any of the ridiculous “made for TV” aspects of the show – more than the editing designed to bury him or his coach’s cartoonish disappointment or Dana White’s self-righteous fuming — that’s what made Caldwell’s exit from the show so hard to watch this week. As fake as the rest of “TUF” may be, one fact is very real: We just saw a 22-year-old kid euthanize his own dream on national television, seemingly without fully grasping the consequences.

(Chris Cope and Javier Torres: They will clinch you into a living death.)

Coach Dos Santos kicks off the episode by putting his team through an intense workout circuit. “Nobody died by get tired,” he says. Uh, dude?

With control of the matchups still in his hands, JDS wants either Javier Torres or Ramsey Nijem to fight next. One dude who won’t be fighting any time soon is Dos Santos’s last pick, Keon Caldwell, who has been struggling in practices. Junior tries to encourage him. Keon barfs in the bathroom. He thinks he’s falling behind because his mind is “where’s my family’s at.” He misses his daughter and he’s having a tough time with everything.

Brock Lesnar is in a bad mood. He hates to lose, and notices that his team is lacking in wrestling skill, which was their downfall in last week’s fight. Unfortunately, there isn’t much time to get everybody up to speed. “You can’t make chicken salad out of chicken shit,” he tells us, once again. “You know, you can’t polish turds to make ‘em look pretty. But we’re doing all we can.”

“If we don’t win this next fight, Brock is probably gonna kill us,” Charlie Rader says.