(Jared Hamman attempts to pull a fast one on us all at UFC 150. AS IF we couldn’t tell that his leg was clearly photoshopped.) 

Perhaps two-time Bellator middleweight tournament winner Alexander Shlemenko is just a little bitter that rival Hector Lombard vacated his former promotion (and a long-awaited rematch with Shlemenko) to compete in the UFC, or maybe “Storm” is just as tired of seeing all of the UFC cards he is ordering turn to shit as the rest of us. Whatever his end game may be, Shlemenko recently stated in an interview with ValeTudo.ru that he believed many of the injuries that have been plaguing the UFC as of late were more than likely faked by the fighters in order to get out of a fight that was not a good matchup for them. His primary example was Brian Stann:

I can tell you for sure, 100%, I know why there are so many injuries. I personally find UFC fights not as exciting because of all those injuries. There are a lot of background tactics around who’s fighting who; fighters are trying really hard to have a good record in the UFC. If you’ve been offered to fight someone who’s considered a bad match-up, then it’s pretty easy to say ‘hey, I’m injured’.

For example, they offered Brian Stann to fight Hector Lombard. He got injured, and then the next thing you know – he’s fighting Michael Bisping. I can see the logic – for Brian Stann it makes more sense to fight Bisping, he’s simply more popular in the UFC than Hector Lombard. That’s why beating Bisping means more than beating Lombard, who’s a risky opponent.

You can fake every injury. Just tell [UFC doctors] about the symptoms and that’s it.

God Damn it, Alex. Your love of centrifugal forces and general badassery made you one of our favorite fighters, but NO ONE accuses “All American” of ducking a fight. And considering the bullshit-laden excuse your boy Lombard gave us three weeks after putting on one of the worst performances of the year, we’d say it’s a little presumptuous to start calling out other organizations fighters for sparing us a fifteen minute wet fart in advance.

After the jump: Stann’s response, as well as a video of Shlemenko’s most recent fight, which ends with an injury that is physically impossible to fake.

If you are a child of the 80s, Richard Dean Anderson will probably forever hold a special place in your heart as one of the coolest heroes ever. Why there isn’t still a show running in which a non-violent genius improvs helpful gadgets and kludges with a few innocuous articles from his lady friend’s purse is beyond us. Luckily, the spirit of MacGyver lives on in us all, and that includes Mr Josh Barnett.

The Babyface Assassin was having interview funtime with Karyn Bryant of MMA HEAT when a mishap with free weights put a damper on some dude’s day, leaving him with a dinged schnoz. Weightlifter guy is doing the whole routine: yeah, this is like the other times I broke it, nah, it don’t hurt that bad, yeah, I’m ok, nah, I ain’t got time to bleed.

Barnett springs into action! Using a couple of ballpoint pens, our buddy Josh manages to open and straighten Mr Bad Snatch’s nasal passages. It’s no field tracheotomy, but still probably a handy bit of knowledge to have, especially if people punch you in the face a lot.

Weightlifter dude walks away to cry off-camera, Josh does his PSA about bad snatch, end scene. While you probably didn’t learn anything, we at least distracted you for three minutes, so you’re welcome. If you’ve ever performed some oddball first aid using the field medic training you received in ‘Nam, tell us about it in the comments. (No need to share your own stories of snatch encounters, thanks.)

[RX]

By popular demand, here’s the video of the grisly fight between Randy’s wife and some other woman named Kim, which ended (one would hope) with Couture rethinking this whole MMA thing. Reportedly it was Rose’s fight-opening overhand right that split Couture’s jaw in two. Props to “Sugar-Free” for hanging in despite the agony. Round 1 is above; rounds 2 and 3 are after the jump.

Update: Couture and Rose each received $1,000 for their fight.

(Photo courtesy of Sherdog via Combat Lifestyle via Bloody Elbow, or something like that.)

As you can see, things didn’t go so well for Kim Couture during her professional MMA debut Friday at “Free For All: A Night of Combat,” at the Thomas & Mack Center in Las Vegas. En route to a decision loss against Kim Rose — who was also making her pro debut that night — Couture suffered a broken nose, a broken jaw-bone (split in the middle of her chin), and a seriously busted grill. Interviewed after the match, Rose told fans in attendance “I felt like destroying something beautiful.” Nah, not really. Results of the MMA half of the MMA/boxing card are below.

John Alessio def. Pete Spratt via submission (rear naked choke), 2:07 of round 2
Kim Rose def. Kim Couture via unanimous decision
Dave Jansen def. Dennis Davis via unanimous decision
Kui Gonsalves def. Ricky Johnson via unanimous decision
Brice Ritani-Coe def. Rob Mitchell via TKO (strikes), 4:33 of round 1

(Props: MMA Weekly)

(Yeah, you should probably get that looked at.)

The Nevada State Athletic Commission announced that six fighters have received medical suspensions related to their losses at UFC 84. They are…

Sean Sherk: Suspended until July 7th, with no contact until June 24th (laceration on right cheek)

Keith Jardine: Suspended until November 21st, with no contact until July 9th, but could be cleared by a doctor to compete as early as July 24th (nasal fracture)

Tito Ortiz: Suspended for six months or until clearance by a doctor (injured left hand and wrist)

Wilson Gouveia: Suspended for six months or until clearance by a doctor (broken nose and ribs)

Kazuhiro Nakamura: Suspended for six months or until clearance by a doctor (broken nose)

Jason Tan: Suspended for six months or until clearance by a doctor (broken nose)

Update from MMAMania:

Goran Reljic — The Croatian is suspended until June 24 and there is no contact allowed until June 15.
Antonio Mendes — The Brazilian is suspended until June 24.
Terry Etim — The British lightweight is suspended until June 24 and there is no contact allowed until June 15 because of a right cheek laceration.
Christian Wellisch — “The Hungarian Nightmare” is suspended until June 8 and there’s no contact allowed until June 1.

After the jump: The third episode of ESPN’s “MMA Live,” where Jon, Kenny, and Franklin run down Kimbo Slice’s controversial main event status, UFC 84′s results, Sunday’s WEC show, and the matchup between Fedor Emelianenko and Tim Sylvia; plus, Bas Rutten demonstrates another nasty neck-crank.

In the headlining match at yesterday’s K-1 HERO’s Korea event in Seoul, Yoshihiro Akiyama proved that he had no ring rust from his 10-month lubrication-related suspension. Though he was generally considered an underdog in his matchup against Denis Kang — an American Top Team member who had gone 20-1-1 with one no contest in his last 23 fights — Akiyama looked razor-sharp once he settled in, busting Kang’s nose with a jab and stalking his opponent until he connected with a right uppercut that put Kang’s lights out. Check out 6:22-6:24 — that nose isn’t so much broken as exploded.