(All praises be to MiddleEasy for the find.) 

Alright, you guys, this is the last time we’re going to explain this.

We understand that six months of sprawl training can fill you with a previously unimaginable sense of self-confidence. Hell, throw in a couple BJJ lessons and a month or so of P90X and most of us would probably feel damn near invincible. It’s understandable to a degree, for we are a fragile-minded species that are easily influenced and oft corrupted by our own power, no matter how fleeting it may be.

But as fragile as our minds truly are, our bodies usually pale in comparison (*cough* Kevin Ware *cough*). And in the MMA game, taking one’s body for granted is a surefire way to wind up on the wrong end of a knockout — an embarrassing moment made all the more embarrassing when it comes just moments after you dare your opponent to test your otherworldly chin strength. Just ask our winner for the Biggest MMA Fail of 2012 or the Diaz wannabe who got front-kicked into never-neverland what showboating leads to. Hint: It’s pain. Only pain.

(“Oh, Georges, you couldn’t pull off a mean mug if you tried. Your eyes, they just have too much…soul in them.”)

You might not know this about the CagePotato writing staff, but not a one of us is a UFC-caliber fighter. Sure, Elias lays boots to asses every now and again and Goldstein once slapped Bas Rutten in public and lived to tell the tale, but none of us here at CP have ever had a situation arise where we forced to fight one of our fellow writers for the right to be called “King of the Mountain.” So maybe we’re not the correct sources to come to when discussing whether teammates in a given MMA camp should be more open to fighting one another or not. Then again, none of us (to my knowledge) have ever been busted for steroids before, yet we’re perfectly fine casting our respective opinions toward those who have, so here we go.

This whole “Fighter X won’t fight Teammate Y” nonsense is out of control. Rory MacDonald won’t fight GSP. Cain Velasquez won’t fight Daniel Cormier. Anderson Silva won’t fight anyone who doesn’t wear a kimono and firing range goggles 24/7. It’s getting ridiculous. Simply put, if you are unable to separate your personal life from your professional one in the fight game, then you probably shouldn’t be involved in the fight game. MMA is not a team sport, especially when a title shot and thousands of dollars are on the line.

Thankfully, guys like Dan Henderson are still around — old school, take-on-all-comers-even-if-that-means-fighting-at-heavyweight type guys who would fight their bedridden aunt for the last slice of pizza if she dared call dibs on it first. Ever since Hendo blew out his knee and was passed over for the next light heavyweight title shot by Chael Sonnen, things have been rather tense over at Team Quest, to the point that Hendo recently told FightersOnly that he would no doubt fight Sonnen now that he’s a LHW:

We’re friends, but above all we fight now in the same category and therefore have the same goal. We both compete for the same belt.

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Via Hallman’s Twitter Account.

It’s safe to say that we should all be thankful that 2012 is almost over. This has been a rough year to be an MMA fan, and with a damn-near legendary injury curse spanning the last eleven months, it’s been just as hard on the fighters. But this has been an especially hard year for UFC veteran Dennis Hallman, whose house burned down in the early hours of Thanksgiving morning.

As Hallman told MMAFighting.com, the cause of the fire is unknown, but authorities believe it was an electrical fire. No one was hurt, but Dennis Hallman has lost everything to the fire.

(An approximation of Dana’s reaction when we asked him the minimum number of dicks we would have to suck to get a press pass back.) 

Yes, you read that title correctly. No, it is not sarcasm and no, this is not a feeble attempt to get back into Dana’s good graces on our part. There are some bridges that are simply meant to be burned and we are willing to accept that. But we think you all should know that The Baldfather is finally expected to undergo surgery to combat the Meniere’s Disease he has publicly struggled with for some time now, and we should all be willing to put our personal issues with the guy aside for the moment and wish him the best of luck and a smooth recovery.

Dana made the announcement this morning via his Twitter:

Taking off right now for UFC RIO!! Anderson Silva vs Stephan Bonnar, pumped for Erick Silva vs Fitch too. Here I come BRAZIL!!!!!!
Saw the Dr today about my menieres and I’m getn the surgery when I get home from Brazil!!!!! #getmyfuknlifeback

If you are unfamiliar with the disease, head after the jump for a full breakdown.

We’re about to win at IRONY!

TOP SCORE!!!

We should probably feel sad about the fact that we live in a country where people get more passionate about voting for the winner of a reality show than they do for voting for their school board representatives. Or that many of you have probably quoted “the Founding Fathers™” inaccurately in a typo-ridden Facebook rant at some point in your lives. Or that many of you don’t know when this year’s presidential election is, yet have already voted for the awards we’re about to shamelessly plug.

But if we did that, then we might miss out on one of these fighters winning an ESPY. We wouldn’t want that, would we? Didn’t think so.

“A job, a job, my kingdom for a job!”

Let’s face it: being a professional fighter is pretty much the coolest job on earth. Even if you never get to wear gold, you can party like a rockstar and make a decent living, not to mention the benefits–oh the benefits. Few of us will ever know the pleasure of punching our coworkers in the face—in fact it’s generally frowned upon—and for that I am eternally jealous. But in the corporate world we live and die by a universally accepted code of conduct that one can follow to stay on the straight and narrow. For the professional ass-kicker, the guidelines are less concretely defined. As evidenced by an increase in pink-slips for cage-unrelated activities, mixed martial artists are not issued the same employee handbooks as their 9-5 brethren. With that in mind, here are a few axioms from the office that may prove handy for our leather-throwing friends as they walk the fine line between living large and unemployment.

Unless you’re a lady, or a dude with a crippling testosterone deficiency, you probably have the ability to grow a sweet moustache.