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Tag: CagePotato Roundtable

CagePotato Roundtable #34: What is the Single Worst Tattoo in MMA?


(And this debate is ALLLLLLLL OVVVERRRRR!!!)

Don’t let the “A” in MMA fool you, mixed martial arts fighters are *not* artists…at least, not  in the traditional sense of the term. Look no further than the hilariously atrocious inkwork that so often adorns their bodies for proof of this. Between the non-tribal tribal arm bands, the last name tramp stamps, and the ill-advised branding attempts, MMA fighters (and their fans — see above) sport some of the worst tattoos you’ll ever see outside of a prison cell. But who has the worst tattoo of them all? The CagePotato Roundtable investigates… 

Ben Goldstein

Matt Horwich‘s musical pencil is like something out of a nightmare. It’s a bunch of unrelated visual signifiers held together by an inscrutable logic, and the only thing being conveyed is dread. You wake up sweating after seeing this thing, and you tell your wife, “Shit, I had that dream about my stepfather again, but this time he was a pencil,” and she looks at you, trying to feign sympathy, but the apparition simply can’t be verbalized. Words will never do it justice, because it’s so much more than just “pencil, musical notes, angry face,” it’s what the pencil represents. That goddamned abusive drunk piece of shit, who hated himself because he couldn’t write songs like Neil Diamond, so he took it out on you and your mom. That face. You could put it on a cantaloupe, a hammer, the front of a steamboat, and it would still be him.

Look, I get it, Matt Horwich is eccentric. His concept of reality is not the same as yours. I’m trying to avoid judgment here, but I just can’t relate to the sort of mind that would put this on his body. It’s awful. A worn-down pencil with a ragged eraser. A face devoid of most human characteristics. And three notes — whole note, half note, quarter note! — flying upwards. It’s not a singing pencil. It’s a scowling pencil with musical notation ejecting from the end that is responsible for deletion, not creation. It’s a contradiction, and it’s unsettling. The pencil seems to be straining to get these notes out, and for what? To express that the artistic process is torture? Does the pencil wish it was a violin instead? Does Matt Horwich even remember getting this tattoo, or did it just kind of appear one day? You’re seeing it too, right? The pencil with the face? I’m not crazy, am I?

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CagePotato Roundtable #33: What is the Greatest One-Minute Fight of All Time?


( *sigh* They just don’t make squash matches like they used to. Photo via Getty.)

How good can a fight *really* be if it ends quicker than Michael Bisping’s prom night? That’s just the question we’re trying to answer this week, and we’ve got a whole slew of special guests to help us: Sydnie Jones of WomensMMA (making her second CP Roundtable appearance), Tim Burke (formerly of BloodyElbow), MiddleEasy Editor-in-Chief Jason Nawara, and MiddleEasy writer Nick Robertson. The topic: What is the Greatest One-Minute Fight of All Time? Join us for yet another thrilling CagePotato Roundtable, won’t you?

Ben Goldstein

Anderson Silva vs. Chris Leben is an obvious pick, I know. The 49-second demolition from Ultimate Fight Night 5 has been anthologized in dozens of Internet lists — from “Worst Game Plans of All Time,” to “Most Spectacular UFC Debuts” — and kicked off the greatest win streak in UFC history. It’s a flawless victory, in the Mortal Kombat sense of the phrase.

Coincidentally, Silva vs. Leben synchronizes perfectly to my favorite under-a-minute song of all time, “Wasted” by Black Flag, which is officially listed at 51 seconds, but includes about two seconds of dead air at the end. For your convenience, I’ve overlaid the Silva vs. Leben fight with “Wasted” in the video above, so you can see what I mean.

The whole thing is fast, dumb, and violent, just like MMA at its best. And when Leben collapses to the mat at the end of the fight, as Keith Morris shrugs off the final line “I was wasted,” it’s such a perfect summary of Leben’s persona. He’s reckless, self-sabotaging, often intoxicated, always driving forward with no regard for the consequences. He’ll wake up the next morning with a massive headache, take a couple bong rips, and go skateboarding without a helmet, because fuck it, if it’s your time to go it’s your time to go.

Honorable mention: Ronda Rousey vs. Alexis Davis, which is the “I Like Food” by the Descendents of MMA fights.

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CagePotato Roundtable #32: Who Is Your Favorite Fictional Fighter of All Time?


(Woah, they got constipated Ryu as a secret unlockable character in this game? Count me in!)

The inclusion of Bruce Lee in EA Sports’ derpy-looking UFC game over actual fighters like bantamweight champion TJ Dillashaw not only enraged the CP staff to no end, but got us thinking about other characters that should’ve been included in the roster. That’s right, the CagePotato Roundtable is back, and with special guest Sydnie Jones of WomensMMA! This week’s topic: Who is Your Favorite Fictional Fighter of All Time? 

Nathan Smith

If he dies, he dies.

Those iconic words were delivered in a callous monotone shortly after this fighter beat Apollo Creed to death in an exhibition boxing match. You can blame Rocky Balboa for not throwing in the towel (and I am sure Creed’s wife still does) or you can blame Creed’s advanced age, but the fact remains, this pugilist made sure the only Apollo Creed appearances in future Rocky movies would be via flashback sequences. That is how I was introduced to the greatest fictional fighter of all time – Ivan Drago.

Weighing in at 261 lbs. and standing 6’5” Drago looked like the epitome of a living, breathing action figure. He had it all. From the chiseled physique to the thousand-yard-stare, Drago accompanied those characteristics with a hair cut that would make Iceman jealous and a punch that measured 1850 psi.

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CagePotato Roundtable #31: What Was the Greatest One-Round Fight of All Time?


(Don’t worry, this is the only time you’ll be seeing this guy on the list.)

With three of the fights on UFC 170‘s main card ending in the first round, the CagePotato.com staff has decided to revisit the greatest one-round fights in MMA history during today’s CagePotato Roundtable. Despite their brevity, these fights were memorable enough to be worthy of any discussion on the greatest fights in MMA history. Read on for our picks, and please continue to send your ideas for future roundtable discussion topics to tips@cagepotato.com

Nathan Smith


(Photo courtesy of MiddleEasy.com)

Greatest fight that only went one round, you say? Psh, please. How about a fight that had more total strikes thrown in the first 30+ seconds than in the entire multi-year relationship between that (piece of crap) Ike Turner and Tina? Ok, ok, maybe not that many but Don Frye vs. Yoshihiro Takayama still resulted in a shit load of punches. So, to all the other contributors to this RoundTable, I respect your opinions but much like the original Highlander – There can be only one – your choices are all The Kurgan (and he was “the hardest screw that ever walked a turn at Shawshank State Prison” mind you, so you can take solace in that you losers).

After a multitude of viewings, according to my bloodshot eyes and my bourbon breath, there were 91 total strikes thrown by both Don Frye and Yoshirho Yamasaka in the opening 34 seconds of their epic collision way back at Pride 21 in June of 2002. True, I am not Reed Kuhn and these figures are not exact like a Cagepotato Databomb but let those punch-stats sink in. For a little more than half a minute, almost 3 strikes were thrown per second with almost ALL of them landing.

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CagePotato Roundtable #30: If You Took an MMA Fight, What Song Would You Walk Out To?


(Respect the legend.)

It’s safe to assume that most of you reading this have at least entertained the notion of taking an MMA fight. If you have, you’ve probably also given some thought as to the song that you would want playing as you made your walk to the cage. In today’s CagePotato Roundtable, we’re sharing our staff picks for the songs that we would use as entrance music — songs that get us fired up and would (hopefully) enhance the experience that is watching live MMA for those in attendance. Read on for our picks, and please continue to send your best ideas for future CagePotato Roundtable topics to tips@cagepotato.com.

Jared Jones

There aren’t many scenarios in which suddenly being thrown into an MMA fight would not end in a violent, just pitiful death for me. That being the case, I’d want my entrance song to reflect my acceptance of this fate, while also being something that transcends all musical genres and really, all of humanity. What can I say? I’m a simple guy. I would want my entrance song to tell the attending audience that, contrary to the urine stain on my shorts, I do not fear death and in fact am fully prepared to torture my opponent’s body so that his soul will be humble. For God is the teacher, I am his instrument, and his lessons are so…beautiful… (*smears pig blood on chest*)

Only one song meets all of the above criteria: “The Host of Seraphim” by Dead Can Dance.

You’re probably familiar with Dead Can Dance even if you don’t think you are. Aside from the fact that their haunting, neo-classical world tunes have been featured in countless films (“Seraphim”, for instance, was featured in The Mist), Lisa Gerrard — who along with Brendan Perry makes up DCD — is a singer, composer, and musician whose voice has appeared on such iconic film soundtracks as Gladiator, Man on Fire, and Black Hawk Down. But for those of you who might not be familiar with the greatest musical group to come out of Australia in ever, I’d recommend that you check out their impressive catalog of work, which spans over 20 years and eight studio albums. A few of my favorite tracks: “Rakim,” “Ulysses,” “Sanvean” and “Spirit.”

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CagePotato Roundtable #29: What’s Your Wildest MMA Prediction for 2014?

Free Cage Potato dog
(2014: The year that Dana White buys this dog. For Bjorn Rebney. Too soon?)

When former CagePotato.com contributor Jason Moles announced his retirement in 2013, it appeared that there wouldn’t be a “Crazy Enough to be True” predictions column for 2014. Rather than let the opportunity to make outlandish assumptions about the state of our favorite sport pass us up, we’ve decided to offer our wildest ideas in the form of a CagePotato Roundtable. Read on for our picks, share yours in the comments section, and please continue to send your ideas for future CagePotato Roundtable topics to tips@cagepotato.com.

Ben Goldstein


(Mariusz Pudzianowski defends his UFC Poland Super-Heavyweight Title against honorary polack Bob Sapp. / Photo via Sherdog)

Though the UFC once laid claim to the title of fastest-growing sport, the promotion has begun to hit its ceiling in the United States. And they know it — which is why they’ve been pushing so hard for World Fucking Domination lately. After finding major success in international markets like Canada and Brazil, the UFC has been busy laying the groundwork in overseas locales as far-flung as Singapore, India, Turkey, and Poland.

The problem is, none of these upcoming markets have the talent pool available to produce a world champion in the foreseeable future. Or a top contender. Or a fighter who could credibly compete anywhere on a pay-per-view main card. That’s why I’m predicting that 2014 will see the unveiling of individual UFC titles for countries/continents. I mean, Vitor Belfort is already the middleweight champion of Brazil, right? They might as well give him a belt and make it official.

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CagePotato Roundtable #28: What Is the Most Underrated Fight of All Time?


(McCullough vs. Cerrone: a great fight overshadowed by the shitstorm that was Filho vs. Sonnen II. / Photo via Getty)

In today’s CagePotato Roundtable we’re talking underrated fights — fights that deserve to be remembered as some of the best our sport has to offer, yet are rarely even brought up during the discussion. Obviously, Fight of the Year winners are disqualified from this list, and UFC Fight of the Night winners have been strongly discouraged from inclusion. Read on for our picks, and please continue to send your ideas for future CagePotato Roundtable topics to tips@cagepotato.com.

Jared Jones

Until their recent rematch truly helped bring to light how incredible their first encounter was, I would argue that Eddie Alvarez vs. Michael Chandler at Bellator 58 was the most criminally underrated fight in MMA History. It wasn’t difficult to see why; the fight just happened to transpire on the same night that Dan Henderson defeated Mauricio Rua in a “Because PRIDE” classic at UFC 139, and being that Bellator plays Wes Mantooth to the UFC’s Ron Burgundy, Alvarez vs. Chandler was sadly overshadowed by its manlier, more mustachioed counterpart.

Contrary to popular opinion, however, I would additionally argue that Alvarez vs. Chandler surpasses Hendo vs. Rua in terms of pure excitement, and I say that as a guy who dug PRIDE more than Seth digs TNA Impact. For one, there was more than pride on the line for Chandler and Alvarez, there was a lightweight title. Sure, it was a Bellator lightweight title, but that’s worth like three MFC titles, dudes. And while Hendo vs. Rua was a goddamn barnburner in its own right, it never quite reached the fever pitch of the first round of Chandler vs. Alvarez.

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CagePotato Roundtable #27: Who Suffered the Furthest Fall from Grace in MMA History?


(Taktarov vs. Kerr, as promoted by Bob Meyrowitz. If this doesn’t embody everything about today’s discussion, then what *does*? Photo courtesy of Sherdog.)

It was thirty-three years ago today that the absolutely tragic bout between Muhammad Ali and Larry Holmes went down — where a younger, far more athletic Larry Holmes beat the aging legend so badly that he actually cried for Ali when it was over. Though Ali is still celebrated as one of the greatest fighters of all time, his legacy has never been the same as it could have been if he simply stayed retired. It’s in memory of this fight that we’ll be talking about falls from grace during today’s roundtable: fighters who stuck around far too long, lost some embarrassing bouts as a result and tarnished their once-great legacies. Read on for our picks, and please continue to send your ideas for future CagePotato Roundtable topics to tips@cagepotato.com.

George Shunick

Tim Sylvia: A name once synonymous with greatness, excitement, and extraordinary physique. Once atop the Mount Olympus of the sport, he reigned supreme over lesser beings for roughly four years, vanquishing the best of the best in his weight class. OK, so maybe I’m exaggerating here. So maybe Tim Sylvia was never exactly a world beater; he was awkward, plodding, fat, had no real ground game to speak of and was the UFC heavyweight champion when all the best fighters in the division were busy competing across the Pacific ocean.

But for all that, he was the heavyweight champion. He even had sex with his greatest rival’s ex-girlfriend. (Leading to this glorious interview with said rival, Andrei Arlovski.) He was relatively wealthy, at least compared to other fighters. Point being, he had achieved all someone who came into this world as Tim Sylvia could possibly hope to achieve. Even once he had lost the title, he still retained the respect that was deservedly owed to him.

Then this happened.

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CagePotato Roundtable #26: What Is the Greatest Comeuppance in MMA History?


(Bro, you need a male nurse.)

After spending last week’s roundtable discussion paying tribute to the most foul people associated with our sport, this week we’ll be focusing on great comeuppances — cases when a fighter got too cocky and karma caught up with him mid-match. Some of our picks are knockouts, some are submissions, and all are extremely satisfying to relive. Read on for our picks, and please continue to send your ideas for future CagePotato Roundtable topics to tips@cagepotato.com.

Ben Goldstein


(Props: Esther Lin/MMAFighting.com)

It’s one of the most well-known (and feared) unwritten rules in baseball: You never jinx a no-no. When a pitcher has gone a few innings without giving up a hit, you shut the fuck up about it. Teammates aren’t supposed to acknowledge it in the dugout, broadcasters aren’t supposed to mention it on air. These days, you’re not even supposed to tweet about it. If you even so much as whisper the words “no hitter” into your sleeve from the bleachers, the baseball gods will smite you for your hubris and it’ll all come crashing down.

MMA offers all kinds of painful penalties for celebrating early, and you’d think that everyone would have learned the lesson by now. But every once in a while, some asshole comes along and claims that he’ll achieve some lofty feat way before he has any right to. Call it a jinx, call it karmic retribution, but those fighters tend to fall on their face, while the rest of us revel in their defeat. You shouldn’t have tempted fate, buddy. You should have stayed humble. You shouldn’t have jinxed the no-no.

If you’ve been following the UFC for a long time, you might remember a former lightweight champion by the name of Benson Henderson. (He was the guy who held the belt between Frankie Edgar and Anthony Pettis? Long, curly hair? He could do all things through Christ who strengthened him? Does any of that ring a bell?) Anyway, this Benson Henderson guy was known for edging out very close decision wins in title fights — the kind of fights that could have gone either way, but kept falling in his favor. He got a reputation as a point-fighter who never went in for the kill, who only took risks involving toothpicks.

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CagePotato Roundtable #25: Who Is the Most Despicable Person in MMA?


(Joe Son: The “Too Obvious to be Eligible for Inclusion” Pick.)

In celebration of the possibility that deplorable scumbag Joe Son may be getting the death penalty, we’ve decided to update our blatantly outdated “Most Despicable People in MMA” list in the form of our newest roundtable discussion. Read on for our picks, and please continue to send your ideas for future Roundtable topics to tips@cagepotato.com.

Matt Saccaro


(Photo via Esther Lin/MMAFighting)

MMA can be a sordid, awful business — a wretched hive of scum and villainy, as Obi-Wan Kenobi would say. Some characters are worse than others though. The classless fighters and “let me bang bro” douchebags that litter the landscape are only small time. The real people you need to watch out for are the promoters, for they’re the ones pulling the strings, greasing the wheels, and killing the dogs.

Yes, killing dogs. You read that right. And that’s the main reason why I have to throw Bjorn Rebney’s name into the “who is the most despicable person in MMA” discussion: He was allegedly involved in the brutal murder of a rival’s dog.

It’s quite a tale so here’s the abridged version: Back in Rebney’s boxing promotion days, he was partners with a man named Seth Ersoff. Eventually, they found themselves at odds and a lawsuit developed. As Ringtalk noted, the situation escalated and somehow Ersoff’s dog wound up with a metal spike through its head.  

But there’s no definitive proof of Rebney murdering this poor, innocent dog, so I can’t judge him solely on that action — something that he might not have been responsible for. But there are other bad actions that make him a perfect candidate for CagePotato’s “Worst Human Being in MMA” award…

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