(Nineteen years later, we may finally find out how effective Shaq Fu is as a martial art.)

It’s been nearly four years since former Major League Baseball slugger Jose Canseco was defeated during the opening round of DREAM’s Super Hulk Tournament, but that hasn’t stopped him from attempting to find another MMA fight. Come to think of it, that last sentence isn’t entirely accurate. Let’s try again: It’s been nearly four years since Jose Canseco decided to get his ass kicked by Hong Man Choi, yet he’s still attempting to exploit MMA like it’s a former teammate’s steroid usage.

His most recent effort involved calling out former NBA center Shaquille O’Neal via his Twitter account. Shaq — already a big MMA fan with actual training under his belt — didn’t take kindly to being called out by a snitch. At this point, you’re probably already like…

…but you really have to see Shaq’s response for yourself, available after the jump.

(Melendez slugs Shinya Aoki in the head, back when slugging Shinya Aoki in the head actually meant something. / Photo via Esther Lin)

Though he’s still recovering from the nagging shoulder injury that pulled him off of Strikeforce’s possibly-final event (and led to the straight-up cancellation of their previous card) Strikeforce lightweight champion Gilbert Melendez knows exactly what he wants to do when he’s healthy again — roll the dice against UFC champ Ben Henderson. The Cesar Gracie product, who just saw his homeboy Nate Diaz get run over by Bendo last weekend, pleaded his case in a new interview with BleacherReport, running down all the reasons why he should get the next crack at Henderson:

“I think a champion versus champion fight makes absolute sense right now. I think we already know how things are going to work out between Benson Henderson and a lot of other lightweight fighters in the UFC, but I’m that mystery fighter. No one really knows how I’m going to matchup with anyone. I have been around for a long time and have been the top lightweight in the world before Benson or any of these other guys.

I think I have a lot of answers for his style. Sometimes he fights a wrestler like Guida who doesn’t have great hands, and sometimes he fights strikers who can’t really wrestle. Look at his fights against “Cowboy” Cerrone back in the day, or even Pettis. I have that wrestling pedigree where he ain’t taking me down, and I’ll be stuffing some shots. I’m not backing away, and I’ll be dropping some bombs. I’m not an easy guy to stand with. I have a lot of power, and I’m not running away from kicks. I don’t run away from anything. I hold my ground. I’ll be coming for him, and anything he dishes out I’ll be answering back twice as hard.”

Later in the interview, Melendez discussed how the reports of Strikeforce’s impending demise — and the coronation of Ronda Rousey as the UFC’s first women’s champion — actually got him excited about the future again, since Melendez could finally get the opportunity to fight some of the best lightweights in the world:

(This. / Photo via Sherdog)

Yesterday, Jared wrote up a detailed assessment of the UFC’s middleweight contenders in an attempt to bring some clarity to the pecking order at 185, because sometimes we want to be part of the solution instead of the problem. Anderson Silva‘s management is doing the opposite of that — shooting down logical suggestions and casually calling out a guy who can’t even fight Silva, contractually speaking. It’s a bit of a dick move, to be honest. Here’s the current situation, as reported on Fuel TV’s UFC Tonight (via MMAMania):

“One of Anderson Silva’s managers said that one of the issues with Hector Lombard is he thinks he needs at least three more impressive wins* in the UFC. He said that 85 percent** of UFC fans don’t even know who Hector Lombard is, who is of course making his Octagon debut on Saturday night…As for Chris Weidman, he said, ‘Well, there’s another great unknown fighter.’*** He doesn’t see those match ups as being money making pay-per-view events…He did mention Luke Rockhold, who is the Strikeforce middleweight champion. Alas, Rockhold is contractually tied to Strikeforce, so that fight’s not happening.**** We’ll have to wait and see, but right now, the Anderson Silva camp [is] not too excited about the options out there.”*****

(Whether you’re a Muay Thai fan or a foot-fetishist, that is one sexy kick.)

When BJ Penn turned down fights against Gilbert Melendez and Josh Koscheck, we figured it was because he was holding out for…well, a fourth fight against Matt Hughes, if you want to get specific. You know how it is with these old legends. They take a couple losses to younger contenders, and all of a sudden they’ll only consider fights that “make sense,” which usually means big-name opponents who are also on the downside of their careers.

In other words, we just assumed that Penn felt Melendez and Koscheck were too dangerous, and that facing either of them could be harmful to his legacy. So it comes as a bit of a surprise that Penn has now accepted a fight against young welterweight killer Rory MacDonald, who is not a superstar, but is one of the most dangerous sons-of-bitches in the UFC.

(“I WAS ONLY KIDDING! RAAAAAWWWRRRR!!!!” Photo via UFC.com)

Mark Munoz‘s post-fight call-out of middleweight champion Anderson Silva at UFC 138 was so unnecessarily beside-the-point that Spike TV didn’t even include it in their tape-delayed broadcast. And you can’t really fault them for that editing decision. Munoz is behind at least two guys on the contender ladder — Chael Sonnen and Michael Bisping, provided that the Count can get past Jason Miller in December — and if you’re not going to start your call-out with a memorable line like “Anderson Silva, you absolutely suck,” you’re not going to gain much traction with fans.

So, the Filipino Wrecking Machine has set his sights on smaller, more manageable prey — namely, the aforementioned British heel, Michael Bisping. As Munoz told ESPN:

(Props: carloscub104)

Chael Sonnen might be the greatest pro-wrestler in MMA history. After his thrilling arm-triangle submission of Brian Stann at UFC 136 last night, Sonnen got on the mic, channeled his inner Ric Flair, and cut a promo directed at a single person — his arch-rival, Anderson Silva:

“Anderson Silva, you absolutely suck. Super Bowl weekend, the biggest rematch in the history of the business, I’m calling you out Silva, but we’re upping the stakes. I beat you, you leave the division. You beat me, I will leave the UFC forever.”

Gotta love the Charles Barkley cameo at the end. So will the Spider take the bait? And how did you feel about Sonnen’s WWE-style hype-routine?

(It was at that moment that Rick noticed Charlie’s ‘Carpe Diem’ tramp-stamp, and terror washed over him like a warm, rancid wave.)

Wrestling — it’s all fun and games until you wind up on the wrong end of it. That’s the reality for Rick Story, whose six-fight UFC win streak was snapped by the takedown-happy Charlie Brenneman last month at UFC on Versus 4.  Now, Story — a former collegiate wrestler himself — is channeling his inner Dan Hardy, asking for a follow-up opponent who will just stand in front of him and throw hands. And as he told MMAWeekly, he even has a guy in mind:

“(Dong Hyun Kim) just recently came off a loss, like myself. And he’s still a Top 10 (fighter) and he’s game, too. I wouldn’t have to be worried too much about takedowns and I’ve been working on my boxing skills tremendously and (I’ll) be able to showcase a knockout…Most of my opponents that (I’ve had) punch a couple times and they don’t want to fight anymore. They just want to wrestle or run away. The other opponent that I had that was game was Brian Foster and we ended up getting fight of the night.”

(“Ay Handy, what did the five toes say to the face?” Props: MMAWeekly)

UPDATE: The fight looks like it might actually happen; Fighters Only says it’s slated for UFC 136 (October 8th in Houston), while BloodyElbow says it might take place this winter.

“I don’t know what the future holds, there’s plenty of guys out there to fight. There’s a karate guy at 205 pounds, I might stop there on my way back to 185 for a tune-up fight and take out Machida, but we’ll see, we’ll see where it goes.” — Chael Sonnen to MMAFighting at UFC 132

“I think that’s great, I’m excited to do that. He’s coming back now, wants to fight, and I really think it’s a good fight for me. If Sonnen really wants this fight, I’ll sign it immediately, no problem at all.” — Lyoto Machida responding to Tatame

It shouldn’t come as a big surprise that Sonnen wants to ease back into the UFC as a light-heavyweight, considering he’s a gigantic son-of-a-bitch these days. Plus, Machida’s persona as a pee-drinking Brazilian Seagal-student has already given Uncle Chael a lot of material to tweet with.