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Tag: Can Crusher

Aleksander Emelianenko Doomed to a Pair of Can-Crushing Blue Balls

(Video courtesy of YouTube/limonadoss)

There is no greater crime than to be deprived of sharing your gift with the world. Okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration, but to let a god-given talent die on the vine is unforgivable, yet this seems to be the fate of one Aleksander Emelianenko. You see, after fighting in a series of meaningful, competitive battles, Aleks found his true calling as a can-crusher. Each morbid beatdown was a sight to behold, a gift to the masses. Sadly, we are now being robbed of that gift. Sure, he’s still standing across the cage from lesser competition, but they are a dangling carrot that he cannot bite, a mirage in the distance that he’ll never actually reach. Observe:

We first caught a glimpse of this phenomenon when Aleks squared off against Eddy Bengtsson. After a scant forty seconds, Bengtsson succumbed to a phantom punch and deprived Aleks the joy of a brutal finish. Fast-forward to last Friday evening, where Aleks took to punching heavybag journeyman Tadas Rimkevicius. To his credit, Rimkevicius seemed game to trade until Emelianenko really started to swang them thangs, which forced “The Lithuanian Bear” to dig deep into his bag of tricks (check out that rolling kneebar at 5:20 and tell me that Tadas isn’t the bastard child of Oleg Taktarov and Ryo Chonan). Ol’ Rimke actually catches Aleks with a left hand and drops him as the round draws to a close, which was possibly the closest anyone came to being legitimately put away in a bout that ended via TKO.

After the jump, Aleks gets cut off at ‘second base’.


[UPDATED] Kimbo Slice Pulls Out of March 24 Boxing Bout, But Still Wants Different Fight On Card

(U mad?)

If you bought a ticket to see Kimbo Slice attempt to extend his professional boxing record to 4-0 with a win over Mike Glenn on March 24, you might want to get yourself a refund — that is unless you want to watch him fight a lesser opponent instead. has learned from a source close to Glenn who contacted us Tuesday afternoon that Slice, whose real name is Kevin Ferguson, has bowed out of the bout. According to the source the former UFC fighter allegedly told the promoter that he would still participate in the event if they found him another opponent, but explicitly stated that he did not want to fight Glenn.


Chisora Slaps Klitschko At Weigh-Ins for Tomorrow Night’s WBC HW Title Bout [VIDEO]

(“Where I come from, this is what happens to you when you come in smelling like cabbage during a staredown.”)

Dereck Chisora must think he’s the Paul Daley of boxing. The brash Brit today slapped WBC heavyweight kingpin Vitali Klitschko across the face during the staredown at the weigh-ins for their championship bout tomorrow night in Munich. He may not get as good of a shot past the Ukranian can-crusher’s juggernaut’s guard tomorrow night.

The Zimbabwe-born England-raised fighter is just 1-2 in his last three fights. Not sure how rankings work, but in the UFC you might have been fired, not given a title shot after a slide like that.


Brett Rogers’ 1-0 Opponent Injured, So Now He’s Facing a 38-Year-Old Who is 2-1 Instead On Feb. 18

(“Awwww…How adorable are you?”)

It looks like Brett Rogers is content with his career being that of a can crusher.

The former EliteXC and Strikeforce heavyweight’s next opponent is 38-year-old Todd Allee, who is 2-1 (1 NC) with only four fights under his belt, including two wins against a pair of fighters with a combined 0-3 record.

“Da Grim,” who was dropped by Zuffa after his arrest last summer for beating his wife, was set to square off at the “My Bloody Valentine” event with another disgraced fighter by the name of Jeff “The Predator” Kugel. The 1-0 Michigan native, whose sole win came over Eric “Butterbean” Esch, was banned for life by the Ontario Hockey League after taking to the ice during a brawl, pulling a Paul Daley sucker punching an unsuspecting victim and skating around the ice trying to incite the crowd while the referees attempted to corral him.

Now instead he’ll face Allee, a Michigan MMA instructor who hasn’t fought in a year.


Kimbo Slice to Make Boxing Debut *For Real* on August 13 in Miami, Oklahoma

(“Your OTHER left jab…”)

Well, we can all stop holding our breath wondering when Kimbo Slice will get back to crushing cans.

Slice, AKA Kevin Ferguson is finally making his boxing debut and, under the watchful eye of former EliteXC vice president Jared Shaw, he will likely have a decent run of beating up overmatched opponents while restocking his breadbox with boxing dollars.

Here’s the lead-in from the hyped-up press release Shaw sent out today:

“Forget the kicking and wrestling, Kevin ‘Kimbo Slice’ Ferguson will soon be where he should have been all along… busting heads in a boxing ring.

On Saturday, August 13, legendary street brawler Kimbo Slice will make his long-awaited professional boxing debut in the four-round main event of a Gary Shaw Productions and Tony Holden Promotions boxing extravaganza at Buffalo Run Casino in Miami, Oklahoma.

Slice became the Internet’s first street-certified action hero by smashing down a series of opponents in brutal backyard fist fights. The announcement is good news for fight fans, as he will surely administer a much-needed shot of adrenaline into the American heavyweight scene.”