(Props: 69hailey via CP reader Aaron B.)

When a delusional wannabe-fighter like Jose Canseco gets wrecked in a celebrity boxing match, it comes as no surprise to anybody. But when it happens to an actual former UFC fighter like Gabe Ruediger? I mean, how do you explain that? Sure, Gabe wasn’t exactly a successful UFC fighter — and radio host/author/adventurer Jason Ellis is a tough S.O.B. who knows how to throw them hands — but when the two met in a boxing exhibition at Ellismania 8 in Las Vegas last month, you’d assume that Ruediger would be the favorite. Instead, he got knocked out cold at the end of the round two. The fact that Gabe wore a t-shirt into the ring suggests that he might not have taken his training camp as seriously as he should have.

And yes, that’s Jason “Mayhem” Miller shouting on the mic; a few weeks later, he would be begging Dana White to kill himself. If only we could have held onto that moment, when Miller was in high spirits, a packed arena was cheering Gabe Ruediger’s latest sad defeat, and everything seemed right with the world.

(Props: battlecambrah)

Jose Canceso‘s record as a celebrity boxer currently sits at 1-2-1, including a knockout loss to Vai Sikahema, a decision loss to a 60-year-old man, a tough draw against Danny Partridge, and a win (finally) against Todd Poulton, self-described as “The Heavyweight Champion of OCD.”

We’d say that the former baseball star’s next match offers him a shot at redemption, but considering his opponent, he’ll look like a loser even if he wins it. Canseco is booked to appear at a Celebrity Fight Night event on November 5th against Tareq Salahi, best known as the “White House party crasher” whose wife Michaele is a total whore.

 
(Horrifying image courtesy of CelebrityBoxing.tv.)

It’s bad enough that Affliction’s "Day of Reckoning" show has to compete with the Antonio Margarito/Shane Mosley boxing match that’s happening a half-hour away. Also vying for your entertainment dollar this Saturday night — live at the Ice Works Skating Complex in Aston, PA, and available on pay-per-view for $12.99 — is a Celebrity Boxing Federation match between former child star/radio personality Danny Bonaduce and former baseball star/’roid snitch Jose Canseco. While Canseco is 0-1 in CBF matches, having gotten his ass kicked by Vai Sikahema last July, Bonaduce has whipped a string of D-list stars in boxing events, including Donny Osmond, Barry Williams, and Bob Levy. Regarding the matchup, Bonaduce had this to say:

According to this profile of the Celebrity Boxing operation, CBF put on an event in November headlined by Phil "Bam’s Dad" Margera and John Wayne "Dude Who Got His Dick Cut Off" Bobbitt. What can you say — they know what the people want. Sorry, Fedor, but I have a feeling you’ll be beating Andrei Arlovski’s ass in an empty arena. A laughably low-budget promo video for Bonaduce vs. Conseco is after the jump; props to CP reader Danny-Eyal for the tip.