("I got your conference call for you right here, Coker.")

Apparently Nick Diaz doesn’t like conference calls.

If Strikeforce would have read his "Things I don’t like," rider he sent along to them with his signed contract, they would have realized that "conference calls" were on the list before "Mayhem Miller" and after "children" and they wouldn’t have scheduled him for a media call that he had no intention of participating in. 

So instead of pulling the plug on today’s call completely when they realized Nick wasn’t interested in talking to reporters about his October 9 title defense against KJ Noons, they got the next best guest they could get on short notice for the call: Cesar Gracie. No, seriously, that’s the best they could do.

According to Diaz’s outspoken coach, it "isn’t in Nick’s psyche" to do conference calls with his upcoming opponents, but he didn’t have a problem pretending to know what Nick would say in response to reporters’ questions.

Here’s the transcript of the call, which seemed suspiciously more like a scripted infomercial than a conference call at times. I’m not surprised Nick took one look at his lines and said, "Fuck that; I’m out."

(‘Screw this, baby. Let’s go to IHOP.’)

You’d think Cesar Gracie – head trainer/enabler to Nick and Nate Diaz – would have enough head cases in his life to keep himself busy. Either that’s not true, or else perhaps he’s developed a taste for difficult students, because now he is actively courting Jose Canseco. Silly us, we hoped it was just an empty, impulsive gesture when team members put out a video of them in a diner inviting Canseco to come on down and learn how to fight. But now the Gracie squad says it has reached an agreement to train Canseco for a fight with Herschel Walker “should that matchup happen.”

Hopefully that matchup won’t happen, and as a result Nick Diaz will not have to face a crisis of conscience for helping Canseco in his efforts to demean MMA for his own financial gain.  Why the Gracie team wants anything to do with him is a mystery in itself.  Unless they’re not getting a big enough piece of Diaz’s six-figure payday and are dealing with a dire financial situation, you’d think they’d want to stay away from a guy who has proved so toxic to everything he touches.

(Does this look like a man who considers the consequences and repercussions of his actions?)

Nick Diaz’s chief enabler/manager Cesar Gracie weighed in on the California State Athletic Commission’s recent clarification of their stance on athletes and medical marijuana. If you’ve followed the adventures of Cesar and Nick in past episodes such as “Nick screws over Strikeforce” and “Nick gets pulled from EliteXC event,” it probably won’t surprise you to know that Gracie isn’t responding by insisting that his fighter get clean or find himself new management:

“Just when he gets licensed, he probably shouldn’t smoke,” said Gracie. “That’s my advice to him. If you’re going to fight, don’t smoke. Besides that, there are a lot of states in the country. He could go fight in Japan. He could fight wherever he wants.”

[…]

(Will fight for munchies.)

Eager to get a sane perspective on Nick Diaz’s unapologetic love of weed, MDS over at MMA Fanhouse took the issue up with Cesar Gracie, Nick’s longtime coach and mentor.  Gracie did not disappoint, laying out Diaz’s case in a way we can all understand.

1. It’s technically legal for Nick since he has a prescription for it thanks to his ADD/California’s lax medicinal marijuana laws
2. He still plans to test clean, so screw it anyway
3. It’s probably not something athletes should be doing, but Diaz has great cardio and does freaking triathlons, so it can’t be that bad
4. Michael Phelps does it, and how many gold medals have you won?

If that summary of points isn’t enough for you, leave it to the Brazilian to give your American ass a lesson about personal liberty: