(This fan-made hype video was first posted to YouTube on September 30th. Wow. CletusDamVan must have read The Secret.)

Ugh, you guys, I had the worst dream last night. I was at home, but it was actually the house I grew up in, you know? I was watching TV, and suddenly all the lights went out. Dana White walked in through the back door. He told me — and here’s the freaky part — that Jon Jones and Chael Sonnen would be coaching the next season of The Ultimate Fighter, and they’d actually be fighting for the light-heavyweight belt in April. I was like, “Why? Why are you doing this?” And he said, “Because I fucking hate you.” And when he said that, I realized it wasn’t Dana White, it was my own father. Then, my teeth started cracking and falling out one by one, and-OH MY GOD NO! AHHHHHHHH! THIS CAN’T HAPPEN! THIS CAN’T HAPPEN! [scene]

Look, we’re not alone in our utter distaste for this booking. Elsewhere on the Internet, pundits have called Jones vs. Sonnen (vs. TUF) a thinly-veiled money grab that reeks of desperation and sets a horrible precedent. But this matchup is now our reality, and we have to deal with reality on reality’s terms. Here’s a sample of the fallout and news updates that yesterday’s bombshell kicked up:

- Tweet of the Day, from Dan Henderson: “I guess I should just quit training to win fights and to be exciting for the fans and just go to shit talking school. @danawhite”. Dan and Chael might be bros from way back, but that clearly doesn’t make this news any easier for Hendo to swallow. It’s insulting, really. Henderson is still the most rightful challenger to Jones’s belt, but an ill-timed injury has apparently put him on the UFC’s “pay no mind” list. Don’t make us say it.

- More sour grapes: Of course, Sonnen’s new opportunity now leaves Forrest Griffin without an opponent; FoGriff was originally supposed to meet Sonnen at UFC 155 in December. As you can imagine, Griffin doesn’t seem too thrilled about this latest development either, telling Ariel Helwani, “I’m not mad at him. Why fight your way to the top when you can talk your way to the top? I’m actually happy I’m not fighting him anymore, because watching his fights was boring and tedious.” The hot new rumor is that Griffin could possibly face the recently-wrecked Stephan Bonnar instead. Fine, whatever.

- And now, the Chael Sonnen reaction video you’ve all been waiting for/dreading…

(Skip to 3:45 to watch Sonnen chew up the scenery. Props: AlwaysSunnyonFX)

“It was just nice to finally get my break. I’m sure you can imagine, you know, the plight of the blue-eyed German male in this country, and if I finally get my chance, great — if it doesn’t, I’ll go back to the streets and return to gang-life.”

See? What did I tell you about this genius!

The eighth season of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia premieres Thursday, October 11th, at 10 p.m. on FX. It’s still unclear if Sonnen and the other members of the “replacement” cast will be actually be getting screen-time that night, or if this is just one of the most bizarre promos in the history of basic cable. couchbirth.gif, you guys.

(Props: fueltv)

With his middleweight title hopes crushed once again by Anderson Silva, Chael Sonnen has decided to return to his original home at light-heavyweight, where he’ll face off against Forrest Griffin on December 29th. Sonnen broke the news himself on yesterday’s edition of UFC Tonight. Watch the clip above to see Sonnen heap praise on Forrest as a future Hall of Famer and pioneer in the industry, before inevitably trashing 205-pound champion Jon Jones. (“I could take Jon Jones’s belt away the same as I could take his candy on Halloween, alright? He’s a little punk kid, I’d snatch it away all I want.”) The weight-class may be different, but the song remains the same.

This will be Sonnen’s first match at light-heavyweight since his UFC debut against Renato “Babalu” Sobral at UFC 55, which he lost by triangle choke. As for Griffin, he’s coming off a decision win (and post-fight meltdown) against Tito Ortiz at UFC 148, in a performance so unimpressive that Dana White suggested that he retire afterwards. Will FoGriff look any better against the Gangster from West Linn?

As Chael mentioned during the UFC Tonight segment, he and Forrest actually fought once before, in the first round of an eight-man IFC tournament in September 2003 that was eventually won by Babalu. Check out the video of Forrest Griffin vs. Chael Sonnen 1 after the jump. We’re not going to tell you how it ends, but prepare to be not surprised whatsoever.

(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

If you’re a stats geek, this new UFC 148 promo clip will give you a raging nerd-boner. In dissecting the rivalry between Anderson Silva and Chael Sonnen, we learn the following:

- Before his first fight with Sonnen at UFC 117, Anderson Silva had been hit a combined 166 times by his previous 11 UFC opponents. Sonnen landed on him 320 times. (Each of these must have counted as two.)

- Sonnen has actually out-landed all of his opponents in the UFC and WEC. Unfortunately, he’s also allowed 18 serious submission attempts during his UFC fights, which places him 3rd on the all-time list. We’re guessing he’ll never catch up to Melvin Guillard.

- Silva’s triangle/armbar submission of Sonnen 23:10 into their fight was the latest stoppage in UFC history.

- Sonnen’s 34 takedowns in the Octagon place him at #1 among middleweights.

- Sonnen is the “World’s Best Trash Talker,” which has been scientifically proven by the researchers at CompuTrash.

After the jump: Sonnen discusses the training camp support he gets from his mother/co-conspirator, and the full video of Sonnen’s UFC 136 smashing of Brian Stann.

(Props: FuelTV)

It shouldn’t come as a surprise that Chael Sonnen feels sympathy for Alistair Overeem, considering his own history with abnormally high testosterone levels. On last night’s installment of his weekly troll segment for UFC Tonight, Sonnen blasted MMA media for implying that the Reem tested positive for anything illegal:

“Congratulations, MMA media. Right when I think your incompetence cannot get to any higher level, the Alistair Overeem story comes out. From you kids on the interwebs, running your little dot-com’s from the couch in your mother’s basement, to you beneficiaries of Mark Cuban’s tax write-off, you’ve gone and screwed up the Alistair Overeem case beyond all belief. Is it repairable? I doubt it. If I’m a member of the media and someone tells me that Alistair Overeem failed a drug test, the very first thing I’m going to say is: ‘Really? What substance did he test positive for?’ You see, those basic questions are where the wheels begin to fall off the bus to this entire story.

(Props: youtube.com/fueltv)

Chael Sonnen is back with more surreal statements in his latest Chael’s Corner segment for Fuel’s UFC Tonight. Here a sampling of Sonnen’s sincere and deep thoughts:

“Fighters have recently seen it as their quasi-job to continually put out misinformation.”

Recently? Naw that’s nothing new, Chael. Fighters have never had a problem, say, screaming in pain and tapping out to a submission, and then claiming that they did not. Heck, some guys have even gone on pr campaigns questioning the professionalism of refs who save fighters who ask for fights to be stopped. Maybe it doesn’t count as misinformation if the obvious truth is caught on live national television.

“[Some fighters] just refuse to answer a question, head on.”

True. Like, for example, answering questions with non-sequitor quotes ripped off from western movies and pro wrestling promos.

“There’s a tremendous difference between what fighters say vs. what fighters mean.”

(Fans outside the Engenhão await their national hero.)

The UFC has confirmed the date and venue for UFC 147: Silva vs. Sonnen 2, slating it for June 23rd at Estádio Olímpico João Havelange in Rio de Janeiro. Known to the locals as “Engenhão,” the multi-use stadium seats nearly 47,000 people, and is the home field for the Botafogo soccer team. Engenhão will host the athletics competitions at the 2016 Summer Olympics.

With the main-event building steam, Chael Sonnen has gotten a head-start on his trash talk, responding to Anderson Silva‘s recent claim that Chael should quit talking and start training. His latest promo clip is vintage Sonnen. Here’s a taste:

“I’m not fighting you in Brazil, I’m not fighting you in Chicago, I’m not fighting you in Florida. I’m fighting you in the Octagon. And when you get in there and I get in there, I’m gonna stomp you this time the same as I did last time. You can complain about your rib. I’m sure your rib *did* hurt. Your rib is inside of a coward. That’s the problem your rib’s got. It’s got the same problem your hands and feet have — they’re attached to *you*, dummy! I’m gonna be attached to you too, for 25 minutes or until you give up.”

Check out the video after the jump..

(I smelled bullshit as soon as he said “I wrote this myself.” Everybody knows that Jeff Ross ghost-writes all of Chael’s material. / Props: fueltv)

Some selected highlights from our friends around the MMA blogosphere…

- Junior Dos Santos vs. Alistair Overeem Official For UFC 146 (FightLine)

- Exclusive: Bellator CEO Bjorn Rebney Talks Counterprogramming, Eddie Alvarez and Hector Lombard Negotiations (MMA Mania)

- Brittney Palmer: “I Plan on Being in the UFC for Many Years to Come and Riding This Wave.” (Five Ounces of Pain)

- MiddleEasy’s Guide to the Top Ten Memes in MMA (MiddleEasy)

- Strikeforce: Why American Society NEEDS Ronda Rousey (BleacherReport.com/MMA)

- Gilbert Melendez Says He’s Fighting May 19, But Doesn’t Know Who His Opponent Is (MMA Convert)

- Junior Dos Santos Signs With Sports Marketing Agency; Reveals He Spent $100K to Train for Cain (MMA Payout)

- Al Iaquinta Not “Feeling Too Much Pressure” Heading to TUF on FX (The Fight Nerd)

- Georges St. Pierre: Marijuana Is Not a Performance-Enhancing Drug (Lowkick.Blitzcorner.com)

- Dana White: Ronda Rousey Is a Star, But She’s Going to Need Help (5th Round)

- Would Testosterone Exemptions for Zuffa Fighters Be Approved Using USADA standards? (Fight Opinion)

(Props: foxsports)

Of the many painful moments during Saturday’s UFC on FOX 2: Evans vs. Davis broadcast, the worst were the two appearances by Chael Sonnen‘s pro-wrestling heel character, which didn’t exactly help MMA’s reputation as a serious sport. Before the fight, Sonnen compared himself to a pack of cigarettes then leered directly into the camera, in a promo that would have gotten him immediately eliminated from WWE NXT.

After the fight, Sonnen launched into a self-aggrandizing monologue that had nothing to do with the battle he just had with Michael Bisping. If it reeked of low-budget wrasslin’ trash, there’s a reason for that. Sonnen was actually doing his own version of a 1975 post-match interview by “Superstar” Billy Graham, from a World Wide Wrestling Federation show. Watch the video above, then watch the video after the jump, and you’ll see what we mean…

(Props: 4z4r3th via Willin. Fight starts at the 1:09 mark.)

In his 12 fights under the UFC and WEC banners, Chael Sonnen has won seven fights by unanimous decision and lost the rest by triangle choke or triangle/armbar. You have to respect that level of consistency. But believe it or not, the mouthy middleweight also has ten stoppage victories on his record from appearances in non-Zuffa promotions.

Exhibit A: Sonnen once grappled the shit out of fellow WEC/UFC vet Tim McKenzie at a Bodog Fight event in February 2007, scoring a takedown and sinking a brabo choke in just 13 seconds. Even Royce Gracie himself was giving Chael props after the performance. (And hey, nice pull with that Asian girlfriend, buddy!)

Previously:
- Bizarro World Technique Video of the Day: Omoplata from Guard by Chael Sonnen
- MMA Video Tribute: Six Amazingly Rare Occurrences

(Props: notlookoutawhale)

The ducking sequence at 3:51-4:04? LOL. The cup-balancing act and Pop-Up Video homage at 4:40-5:18? LMFAO, MF.

Side note: Chael Sonnen ends this classic Helwani interview by promising to corner Yushin Okami at UFC 134. Recently, the people of Brazil vowed to lynch him on Facebook. Chael acted tough on Twitter, then reportedly dick-tucked.