(“And you tell Anderson that if he wants the true middleweight belt, he can ask me nicely and I will have it back by lunch!” Photo via Getty Images.)

When asked by MMA Heat’s Karyn Bryant about the likelihood of a potential fight with Wanderlei Silva next, Chael P. Sonnen recently stated the following (emphasis mine):

I’m not looking for it anymore, I don’t like to bully guys. I tried to fight him, he doesn’t want to fight. I’m not gonna stick a finger in a guy’s chest. If a guy says ‘no,’ I’m not gonna be a jerk about it. 

We shit you not, that quote (not the caption one, that’s fake and you damn well know it) came directly from the mouth of Chael P. Sonnen. As in the Chael P. Sonnen who once threatened to smack Anderson Silva’s wife on the ass. As in the Chael P. Sonnen who once declared that Lance Armstrong gave himself cancer through PED use (which to be fair, he got the PED part right). As in the Chael P. Sonnen who called Wanderlei Silva a “dirtbag” some three weeks ago when challenging him to a fight in the first place.

Either Jon Jones succeeded where Anderson Silva failed and managed to actually beat some humility into “The American Gangster” or Wandy’s threat to “suck his blood” was just a little too far outside the comfort zone of his Christian, conservative-Republican background to tolerate. Or Wandy has been offered the fight, turned it down, and is pulling another prank on us. Or Joe Silva dropped his cell phone in the toilet and hasn’t had access to the Internet since April.

Whatever the case may be, we suddenly, like, really need to see this fight. So touche, Chael. Tou-fuckin’-che.

-J. Jones 

In typical Chael Sonnen fashion, the outspoken whateverweight recently issued a challenge to Wanderlei Silva with a 24-hour expiration date. Apparently Sonnen’s ability to lose fights yet subsequently talk himself into main events has confused him to the point that he believes he is a UFC matchmaker. Sure, Silva is coming off of an impressive knockout win and yes, Sonnen has lost two in a row. But when has being on a career downturn ever stopped the “American Gangster” from getting fights with more famous fighters who are actually winning before?

“I gave him the timeline…if he doesn’t answer, I’m done and I’ll move on,” Sonnen said from his Fuel TV analyst’s seat this week.

Wanderlei finally responded to Sonnen’s challenge yesterday, and thankfully not on Twitter. Silva told Ariel Helwani that he’s never been offered the Sonnen fight by, you know, the people who offer fights in the UFC. Sonnen also apparently didn’t realize that the communication medium of choice for twelve year old girls would mean little to Wanderlei.

When Fuel TV called up Silva for comment on Sonnen’s challenge, Wanderlei took things from the world of Twitter to a much weirder and more frightening place. First off, Helwani said that Silva “laughed uncontrollably” — which, if you’ve ever heard him laugh, is scary enough – before adding that, “Jon Jones and Anderson Silva have been too nice to Chael. I want to suck his blood. I want to smell it. Not just fight. Not just fight. I want to hurt him…”

Tonight, at 9:30pm EST on Fuel TV, a taped sit-down interview with UFC middleweight champion Anderson Silva will premiere. As often as we get to see the champ knock heads around inside the cage, we don’t often get longer, in-depth interviews with him, and certainly not in English.

Karyn Bryant‘s interview with Silva tonight looks to be in English and promises to be in-depth — hopefully much more so than the fun stuff shown in the teaser video above. We’re certainly not complaining any time we get to hear Anderson’s high-pitched jokes in English, however.

Silva says, without much explanation, that he’s the “black Dana White,” for one. Silva manages to get his back-handed barbs in, per usual, and it’s a good time.

“Sometimes Dana [is] cranky. ‘Come on man, smile!’” Silva says.

“I have my problems for Dana but I love him.”

Awww.

Anderson has love for his favorite punching bag, Chael Sonnen as well — although he and his family have given up hope that Sonnen will show up to Silva’s house for that barbecue the Spider invited him to.

“No go,” said a disappointed Silva when asked if Chael ever came by to grub up with his clan. “No go. I wait for Chael for long, long time. My wife talk to me, ‘hey, Chael no come?’ [I told her] ‘No baby. Baby, no.’”

See more of Anderson Silva’s sensitive side revealed tonight on Fuel TV.

- Elias Cepeda

(Jon…erg…just hear me out…*duff*…if we make it to round 2 *duff**duff*…I promise you no less than 20 thousand more buys. Jon?) 

At first glance, the pay-per-view numbers that just came in for UFC 159 don’t seem all that terrible. Truth be told, it would be near impossible to declare the event’s 550,000 estimated buys anything less than a success. However, when you realize that the sole reason the fight was booked in the first place was to cash in on the Chael Sonnen circus act, that 500k kind of pales in comparison to the 925,000 UFC 148 pulled in. In fact, it’s pretty much in line with the average Jon Jones-headlined pay-per-view, save his 700k-earning fight with Rashad Evans at UFC 145. MMAFighting’s Dave Meltzer reports:

Preliminary estimates for UFC 159, headlined by Jon Jones’ successful light heavyweight title defense against Chael Sonnen, indicate pay-per-view buys coming in between 520,000 and 550,000.

There was hope for bigger numbers in the days after the fight, due to the strong ratings of UFC 159 shoulder programming. The weigh-ins were the second-highest rated since Fuel began airing. The event also drew the highest ratings for post-fight coverage of a pay-per-view on Fuel. Prelim match ratings on FX were 32 percent above average.

The number would be the company’s second largest of 2013, trailing UFC 158, with Georges St-Pierre vs. Nick Diaz, but ahead of the now No. 3 event of the year, UFC 157, headlined by Ronda Rousey vs. Liz Carmouche.

So yeah, the event was a success by most standards, yet it only managed to pull in 70,000 more buys that Jones’ UFC 140 title defense against Lyoto Machida, who Jones once begrudgingly referred to as “my lowest pay-per-view draw of the year.” For some reason, this image seems to sum things up nicely.

(Props: YouTube.com/fueltv)

It takes more than two consecutive ass-kickings to keep a good Gangster down. As I [*cough cough*] PREDICTED, Chael Sonnen has no plans to retire following his recent title-fight loss to Jon Jones, and the American Gangster even has a name in mind for his rebound fight: Wanderlei Silva.

Bruised but in high spirits, Sonnen returned to the UFC Tonight studios yesterday where he discussed the experience of fighting Jones (“like getting into a bear cage”), the slightly-controversial stoppage (Sonnen says he was still defending himself when the referee stepped in), and the prospect of winning the light-heavyweight championship on a toe-related technicality (“I’d have walked out of there to the boos…and I’d never look back!”).

Later in the segment, Kenny Florian asked Sonnen the question on everyone’s mind — is this the end for our hero? Sonnen had this to say…

(High-fEYEve! Photo courtesy of Getty Images.) 

In the weeks leading up to his battle with Alan Belcher at UFC 159, we noticed that Michael Bisping appeared to be even more irked than usual – which is saying something when you’re talking about a guy whose rage often exceeds the physical limitations of his human vessel – and hypothesized that “The Count” might just be the kind of fighter who needs anger as a motivator. Bisping has admitted it himself and famed hacker Jerry Rips has since passed along audio proof.

But after taking a gander over the UFC 159 salaries, which were released by The New Jersey State Athletic Commission (via MMA-Manifesto) over the weekend, one begins to wonder just what the hell Bisping is so angry at these days. Either the “grudge match” angle is the only one he knows how to play or the $275,000 to show/$150,000 to win rate he is currently receiving is being stolen out from under him, because with that payday, you think he’d be all smiles.

Bisping’s $425k is just one of many head-scratchers that the UFC 159 salary list has to offer, so join us after the jump for a full rundown of the payout and a few totally unbiased observations.

Yep. (Photo courtesy of Getty Images.)

It’s almost unfair to write about the light-heavyweight title fight between Jon Jones and Chael Sonnen from last night’s UFC 159 right now, since we won’t know whether or not this fight delivered what it was supposed to for a long time. I’m not writing about the way that Jon Jones effortlessly defeated Chael Sonnen; we knew Sonnen was absolutely no threat to the light-heavyweight kingpin. I’m not writing about how Jones completely ignored his vastly superior striking and ridiculous reach advantage in order defeat “the gangster from West Linn” by impersonating him; we sort-of predicted that Jones would clown his way through this fight. We knew that the main event was going to deliver a lopsided beat-down. It’s yet to be seen how – or even if – the marketability of Jon Jones will benefit as a result.

That being said, it’s hard to expect the superfight we never asked for to have much of an effect on the way that fans perceive Jones. I didn’t think it was possible to feel as apathetic about a first round knockout as I felt after last night’s main event. Judging by the comments I’ve read on our liveblog, I’m hardly alone here. When it was over, the match felt more like a bad professional wrestling storyline than a UFC pay-per-view main event, and the outcome felt just as forced.

(Good. Now that Chael knows what it feels like to make contact with Jon Jones, let’s get this execution over with. / Photo via MMAJunkie)

There’s not much to say about Jon Jones vs. Chael Sonnen at this point, other than the fact that Jones will be tying Tito Ortiz’s record for light-heavyweight title defenses (5) tonight, and Danga has already written Chael’s retirement rap. Luckily, UFC 159 features some legitimate fights as well, from Jim Miller meeting his taller, skinner doppelganger, to Roy Nelson meeting his polar opposite. Plus: Michael Bisping faces off against some retard from Mississippi (his words, not ours!), and Vinny Magalhaes tangles with Phil Davis.

Handling liveblog duties for this evening is Alex Giardini, who will be delivering round-by-round results from the “Jones vs. Sonnen” main card after the jump beginning at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and let us know what’s on your mind in the comments section.

(Photo by Esther Lin | FCFighter.com)

For as long as he’s been short, chubby and kicking ass in the heavyweight division (approximately, since forever since), fans, pundits and Daniel Cormier himself have openly discussed the possibility of his dropping down a weight class to light heavyweight. DC is fresh off a dominating win over yet another former UFC heavyweight champion in Frank Mir at the UFC on Fox 7 event but the organization’s President, Dana White, says that he’d rather see the two-time Olympian at light heavyweight.

And, oh yeah, if Cormier does decide to cut back on the deep-fried burritos a tad and drop down to 205 pounds, White says that his first fight in the division could very well be for the belt. So, you know, against Chael Sonnen.

“He could drop to 205 and get a shot at the title in my opinion, on day one,” White told a group of assembled media earlier this week in New York. “Look at the guys he’s beat at heavyweight.”

Cormier has recently weighed in for fights in the 230′s. Aside from the fact that he’s got the height of a lightweight, 230 pounds is actually light in the strange, modern world of gigantic super athletes that we live in.

Frank Mir looked like he could have been Cormier’s daddy when they took the center of the cage last week. That is, until Cormier got his hands on his much larger opponent and made him look like a heavily tattooed read-headed step child.

There’s the rub. Cormier has a tiny frame for heavyweight but he so far has found no one that can touch him, including Mir, fellow former UFC heavyweight champion Josh Barnett and current number one contender Antonio Silva.

So, why should the wrestler-turned-fighter try and fix something that ain’t broke? Also, it is well-documented that Cormier missed out on actually wrestling at the 2004 Olympic games despite being the U.S. team’s captain and being favored to medal, because he nearly killed himself trying to cut weight.

The “Wake up and Grind” warrior is doing well at heavyweight, so why should he risk his life cutting down? Thing is, there’s no real reason to believe he’d have to risk his health to cut down to light heavyweight.

(“Each of us has the same quantity of the most precious commodity in the world… time. Except for you, Jon Jones, you’ve only got a few more hours left on the ticker than Daniel Cormier’s nutritionist.” I’m Pic Props: BleacherReport.com/MMA)

By Jason Moles

Since August 2012, Chael P. Sonnen has been pining for a fight with Jon Jones. In that time, Sonnen named a pizza after the UFC light heavyweight champion, wrote him a poem, and rendered masterful performances of his soliloquies at every turn along the way.

Considering we live in a tech-crazed world, it’s no surprise that the beef between the two UFC standouts spilled over into social media. Because Twitter was invented with MMA in mind, it was the perfect place for this feud to play out, with hundreds of thousands of fans hanging on every word. It is there that the “bad guy” ratcheted up the intensity of his verbal assault on Jones, moving from his running commentary on the young champ’s latest headlines to putting “Bones’” title reign on the clock. Here’s what the countdown looks like, via @SonnenCH:

30 – the days left until the fall of your champion and the rise of the DARKSIDE #UFC159 #4/27/13

29 – the year AD in which King Dionysius died and was succeed by Spartacus. 29 days and I too take what is rightfully mine #UFC159 #4/27/13

(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

Now that we’ve told you what to think about tomorrow night’s fights, it’s time to watch the competitors hit the scale, and laugh at them if anybody misses weight. Will Michael Bisping angrily point at Alan Belcher while swearing at him? (Yes.) Will Chael Sonnen leave Bones hanging again? (Probably not.) Does Sara McMann need a Band-Aid? (Wait for it.) Because her abs are friggin’ cut. (BOOM.) Watch the UFC 159 weigh-in action in the player above starting at 4 p.m. ET / 1 p.m. PT, and take a peek after the jump for full results, which will be updated immediately afterwards.

(“How ’bout we say ‘triangle choke, round 2.’ I’ve got a t-shirt riding on this.” / Photo via MMAFighting.com)

With UFC 159 slated for tomorrow night, CagePotato founding editor Ben Goldstein and beloved CP staff writer Jared Jones have teamed up to argue about all the important themes surrounding the event. So how will the absurd light-heavyweight title fight end, exactly? What will happen if Alan Belcher actually lets Michael Bisping take a free shot to his face? Can the third women’s UFC fight possibly live up to the first two? How many more fights can Leonard Garcia lose before the UFC gives him the ol’ heave-ho? Read on, and throw down your own opinions in the comments section.

Will Jon Jones immediately demolish Chael Sonnen, or will he play around with Chael a little before demolishing him? And will Chael retire after the loss?

BG: I rarely make sweeping statements about who will win an MMA fight because 1) anything can happen in this crazy sport, and 2) the things you write on the Internet often come back to haunt you. But yes, Jon Jones will win this fight. I absolutely guarantee it. Sonnen’s best weapon — his relentless wrestling attack — will dash apart against Jones’s own wrestling, which is precision-tuned for the sport of MMA. Quickly out of options, Chael will throw his patented “I give up” spinning backfist, fall down against the cage, and will whisper a quick prayer to his God before Jones literally eats him and shits him out. And I do mean literally, okay? Literally.

I’m leaning towards a quick beat-down in this fight rather than an extended clowning, because Jones takes his job too seriously to “play around” with an opponent. (He’s not exactly Mr. Fun, we’ve noticed.) And once Chael feels the power of a large light-heavyweight, he’ll realize what a bad idea this whole thing was in the first place. To exit the sport directly after another humiliation wouldn’t fit in with Sonnen’s blustery self-image, so I think he’ll take at least one more fight — maybe at middleweight, maybe at light-heavyweight — before calling it quits. Once he starts losing to non-champions, he’ll wisely make the switch to full-time UFC talking head and occasional hair-texture tester.

JJ: Mark my words, this fight will be Jon Jones’s UFC 97 (or UFC 112, depending on which fight you thought was worse). Jones may not be a fun-loving guy, as you stated, but it also appears that the tryptophan-induced honeymoon between these two TUF coaches has passed, leaving behind only apathy in its wake. If you’ve noticed in the past, the foes “Bones knows” on a personal level seem to last the longest in the cage with him (Rampage, Rashad) — perhaps out of respect, perhaps because they are both tough as hell — so I think we should start preparing ourselves for a tepid, five-round affair highlighted by Bones’s jab and Sonnen’s desperate attempts to convert a single leg.

And when all is said and done, Sonnen will snatch the mic out of Joe Rogan’s hand, and in an attempt to mimic [enter professional wrestler name here]’s infamous retirement speech, will announce that, and I quote:

(Props: mmadigest)

Proving that you don’t need dramatic music or clever editing to make a killer highlight reel, here’s a must-see compilation of Ronda Rousey judo-tossing the bejeezus out of Miesha Tate, Nick Diaz, Uriah Hall, Aaron Tru, Bas Rutten and a laundry list of opponents and training partners. And now that you’ve seen that, follow us downward for three more of the day’s best sort-of-MMA-related videos…

(Props: AXE)

Chael Sonnen‘s girlfriend is very attractive. Here’s how he landed her, with some sage advice at the end for all you young single fellas out there.

(We’d start getting *real* used to that desk if we were you, Chael.)

By Dan “Get Off Me” George

It’s finally happening, Potato Nation. Jon Jones vs. Chael Sonnen a.k.a “the fight fans have been asking for” is set to go down this Saturday from the Prudential Center in Newark, New Jersey. Although many fans have focused on the chemistry (or lack thereof) between Chael and Jon as reason enough to pass on this pay-per-view event, UFC 159 will be offering a solid card of competitive fights which on paper may make it a sleeper that you won’t want to miss.

So join us as we continue to contribute to the Save Danga’s Legs Fund (he’s almost better, but he likes the nurse visits) by highlighting where to place your money on a few undercard and all of the main card bouts. All betting lines courtesy of BestFightOdds.

Undercard bouts:

Steven Siler (-120) vs. Kurt Holobaugh (+100)

Steven Siler comes in at around -130 for his fifth UFC appearance and will improve his Octagon record to 4-1 should he emerge victorious against the debuting Strikeforce veteran in Holobaugh. In his last outing, Siler was tarred and feathered by Darren Elkins‘ wrestling and was unable to take control of the fight for any sustained period of time. As an underdog who has only tasted defeat once in his career (a decision loss to Pat Healy), Holobaugh at even money or better is a solid choice. Kurt fights like a veteran and showed he can hang with some of the best in the world while dominating anything less than that caliber. Coming out of the Gracie Barra gym, Holobaugh will be too tough for Siler to submit and will put Super’s stand up game to the test with his own excellent striking. Holobaugh for the slight upset win.

(Despite what your grandmother thinks, Twitter is not a euphemism and does not warrant a squirt of Dawn in your mouth.)

By Jason Moles

Back in 2010, the brain trust at CagePotato HQ compiled a list of the 25 most essential MMA Twitter feeds to follow. Boy, do we sure know how to pick ‘em. Miguel Torres, Kimbo Slice, Mayhem Miller, Reed Harris, Shane Carwin, and Strikeforce have all since faded out of relevance or gone off the deep end. Wait, Reed does what now? Are you sure? Nevermind — we’re back with an updated list of who you should really be following on Twitter, and this time we’ve actually put some thought into it instead of blindly tossing darts at our screen while simultaneously using a Shakeweight. Please note, this is 2013 and if you don’t already know you should be following Dana White, Arianny Celeste, or Ariel Helwani, you’re probably the reason Jon Jones is defending his title against Chael Sonnen this Saturday at UFC 159. Speaking of the gangster from West Linn…

twitter.com/sonnench

Bio: “Godfather of integrity; dual masters in dominance and modesty; once outboxed Hemingway; & author of this year’s bestseller, available NOW on Amazon”

If you thought Sonnen refused to break kayfabe only when the cameras were rolling, you must not have been paying attention because his gimmick is boundless. The People’s Champion maximizes his 140-character limit with every emasculating jab at his opponents, peers, and detractors in the MMA media. The American Gangster is the only man on Twitter to follow absolutely no one, not even his own mother.

Sample Tweet: “15 – the number of letters in the word hydropneumatics as well as Chael beats Jones. #UFC159 #4/27/13″

(And just like that, the inspiration for Mean Street Hair Care & Boutique was born.) 

For a dead man walking, Chael Sonnen sure seems to be enjoying the hell out of his final days on death row. The UFC’s favorite hypeman appeared on ESPN’s flagship program, Sportscenter, just hours ago to plug his upcoming public execution at UFC 159 and appeared to be channeling the great Bobby Knight during his brief interview, leaving Sportscenter anchor (and all around fox) Sage Steele grasping at straws in attempt to steer things in any other direction but that of a complete farce. She tried, dammit.

The segment began in typical Sonnen-fashion – interrupting/patronizing the interviewer, throwing a couple WWE-esque threats at Jones, arms, charms, rinse, repeat — but quickly took a turn for what people in the television industry refer to as “What-the-fucks-ville” after Sonnen promised to put Bones “on his ass” on live television. Sure, it was a pretty mild offense given the current spectrum of television, but the remark incurred the subtle wrath of Steele nonetheless. But if there’s one thing Chael P. Sonnen doesn’t understand, it’s subtlety. And being that Chael is mere days away from being beaten into a coma at best, he figured he might as well check off one last item from his bucket list: feeling an African American woman’s hair. It was a weird moment for everyone involved.

Video after the jump. 

(Props: fueltv via MMAConvert)

Going head-to-head against UFC promo king Chael Sonnen would be a tall order for anybody — but you’d think that Jon Jones would at least try to make it competitive. In case you missed it, here’s Jon and Chael’s interview segment from the TUF 17 Finale broadcast, in which Jones acts like a 15-year-old whose weed stash was just discovered by his stepdad. The first words out of Jones’s mouth are a slurred jumble of Ortizian proportions. He can’t stop swinging his arms. He won’t make direct eye contact. He refuses to address Sonnen — who continues his carnival-barking, undeterred — even though this segment was specifically arranged to generate interest in their UFC 159 fight in two weeks. As David Letterman might say, “Jon, I’m sorry you couldn’t be here tonight.”

This clip unfortunately leaves off the very end, in which Jones sulks off stage left at his first opportunity, while Sonnen remains standing next to Jon Anik; Jones may still be the light-heavyweight ruler of the Octagon, but Sonnen has rightfully claimed his territory in front of the camera. We’ll give Jon the benefit of the doubt and say he was trying to come off as intensely focused, instead of bored, or pissed off, or half-drunk. Either way, it was a missed opportunity to spark some more fan-interest in a fight that is completely uninteresting from a competitive standpoint. That’s no way to get some fans, bro.

(Photo via MMAMagazine.)  

The only thing that irks Dana White more than his fighters giving “pointless” interviews is when he misses the opportunity to exploit a grudge match between said fighters. Seriously, it keeps him up most nights and sometimes even causes fits of dizziness in the poor fellow. And unfortunately, now that the UFC has finished cashing in on their latest grudge match, there has been a void left behind in the lives of “true” MMA fans. You know, the ones who need fabricated storylines and endless trash-talk in order to find the sport exciting in the first place. People who think Brock Lesnar has obviously earned a spot in the UFC Hall of Fame, in other words.

Although a “much” “anticipated” “grudge match” between Chael Sonnen and Jon Jones is set to transpire any day now, recent events have pretty much dispelled any idea that those two actually hate each other, so no luck there. Enter Anderson Silva vs. Jose Landi-Jons: a bitter rivalry that dates back to the glory days of the Chute Box gym. Sure, most of these “true” fans have likely never heard of Landi-Jons despite his legendary status and longevity in the sport, but when they get ahold of the positively Diazian story involving “Pele” chasing old Andy through the streets of Brazil, you can bet your bottom dollar that the Twitter rally campaigns will be shortly behind (via Portal do Vale Tudo, translation via Sherdog):

Anderson was jogging in the company of a friend when Pelé, who was driving by the location, saw his enemy and decided to go back and confront him about stuff Anderson wrote about Pelé in his book. According to witnesses, the only reason they didn’t fight was because Anderson’s friend stopped them.

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(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

The extended trailer to UFC 159 is an interesting case study. On one hand, it reminds us that at the very least, watching Jon Jones defend his belt against Chael Sonnen will be an entertaining experience. And that’s important, considering the match was seemingly made only with entertainment value in mind. As a light-heavyweight title contender, Sonnen is about as undeserving as it gets, but according to UFC president Dana White (as quoted in the video by Jones), the fans really want this fight. Now, we all know that’s bullshit; I don’t think anybody reacted to the Jones/Sonnen booking with anything other than utter bafflement. Still, it’s a fun fight, right? Right?

Here’s the problem: The UFC 159 video preview does nothing to suggest that the fight will actually be competitive. In fact, it gives more credence to the theory that Jones vs. Sonnen will be a total blowout. Did you know that Jon Jones has never been taken down in his UFC career? (Meaning, Sonnen will have a very tough time executing his only real pathway to victory, even if he is the self-proclaimed “best MMA wrestler in the world.”) Another fun fact: Jon Jones owns the most submission victories in the history of the UFC light-heavyweight division, while Sonnen has already been submitted four times in the Octagon. I mean, besides his takedowns and his trash-talk, tapping out is one of the main things that Chael is known for. As Bones puts it:

(Video courtesy of Hulu.) 

Apologies in advance for dropping the ball on last week’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter: Jones vs. Sonnen, which we completely forgot to recap for reasons that are not immediately obvious (if only we could get Danga to set down the bong for like thirty seconds…). Long story short: Chael Sonnen emerged victorious from a Coaches Challenge that involved stacking tires with excavators (?) and Team Jones’ Dylan Andrews secured a spot in the quarterfinals with a majority decision victory over Zak Cummings. For this week’s “Wild Card” matchup, Team Jones’ Bubba McDaniel and Team Sonnen’s Kevin Casey were selected.

To find out which fighter secured the final spot in the TUF 17 bracket, as well as the rest of last night’s highlights, join us after the jump.

- In a final effort to make us sympathize with noted codpiece Bubba McDaniel, last night’s episode began with McDaniel telling us his “I’m a poor little sad sack” story about how he can’t see his daughter because he is too far in debt.

I don’t know why I just downplayed a story as sad as that for laughs, and I apologize. God I’m dead inside…

(They say a picture is worth a thousand words, yet the only one that comes to mind when looking at this one is ZOMGBARFLOLLERCOPTER. Via Getty Images.) 

Mixed martial arts is a cruel mistress, Potato Nation, and we’re not just talking about Fallon Fox. As the sport’s popularity has increased over the past decade, its participants have been forced to take on the added pressure of not only supporting their families with the oft paltry salaries they take home every few months (if they’re lucky), but winning fights and winning them impressively for the sake of their ever-increasing fanbases, who will turn on them at the drop of the hat should they fail to meet expectations. At the risk of sounding too cliche, MMA is a game that truly offers the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. It’s also a sport that Tim Sylvia once declared 90% half mental.

And to some degree, that semi-retarded Ogre was right; MMA is a sport that, aside from pushing one to their limit and often past it physically, can do ten times as much damage to a person mentally. A string of losses — a single, particularly devastating loss even — can leave a fighter questioning whether they ever truly belonged in the first place, or whether their prime has simply passed them by. And it just happens so damn fast; in the span of roughly a year, Chuck Liddell went from the unstoppable light heavyweight kingpin to a washed up brawler who was getting punch-drunk into an early grave. At least according to the “experts” who regularly peruse the UG and Sherdog forums, CagePotato comments sections, and Wikipedia.

No, it’s not every day that we see a Randy Couture or a Georges St. Pierre who can recover from a brutal loss or string of losses and use them as motivation to refocus or completely resurrect their career. And in light of Wanderlei Silva and Mark Hunt’s recent triumphs, we go to thinking: Who Had the Most Unexpected Career Turnaround of Them All? 

That’s right, Taters. The Roundtable is back.

(Video courtesy of Hulu.) 

Last week, Team Jones was able to chalk up victory #2 after an injured Josh Samman blistered Swede Tor Troeng. With control finally back in their corner, Jon Jones decided to place his #1 pick, boxer Clint Hester, against Team Sonnen’s most decorated grappler in former police officer Jimmy Quinlan. It was a matchup that completely baffled Chael Sonnen, but will Jones’ unorthodox strategy pay off this time? Check out last night’s episode in full above and join us below for all the highlights.

- To kick things off this week, the house is treated to an ever-so-rare night on the town at a local Hooters establishment. Hooters: Our wings might taste like dirty bath water, but hey, tits! Fives are highed. Waitresses are groped. Gilbert Smith repeatedly finds ways to take his clothing off. And by the end of the night, Uriah Hall somehow manages to alienate himself from everyone even further. Collin Hart states his distaste for Hall’s attitude and hope he gets the chance to smash him.

- Hall admits that he hasn’t been sleeping well lately because his desire to nearly decapitate another housemate is eating away at him. You sure you still want a piece of this guy, Collin? Anyway, Sonnen’s assistant coach, Scott McQuary, tries to offer some zen-like wisdom to calm Uriah down. “A non-quiet mind is like a tractor,” he says, “You just can’t stop it.” Not sure which model of John Deere Scott’s used to plowing the fields with, but I’m pretty sure that the worst thing a tractor can do is give you gonorrhea.

Following his shocking upset loss to Kelvin Gastelum last week, Bubba McDaniel emerged a much humbler man in the opening moments of yesterday’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter: Jones vs. Sonnen. With Team Sonnen now back in control of the fight selections, this week’s matchup pitted highly-touted Swede Tor Troeng against Team Jones’ #2 pick and self-appointed captain Josh Samman. Was Samman able to overcome his nagging injuries and regain control for Team Jones, or did Troeng notch “another on for the bad guys?” Check out the entirety of last night’s episode above and join us after the jump for a full recap to find out.

- The episode kicks off with Jimmy Quinlan constructing a hammer for Tor (pronounced Thor. GET IT?). Although the prototype is laughably undersized, Quinlan showcases some MacGuyver-esque resourcefulness when building Troeng a life-sized model. If Josh Samman turns out to be less a human fighter and more a mole in need of whacking, he is pretty much screwed now.

(A slice of feta, roasted garlic, and sun-dried tomato pizza priced at $8.99? We *must* be in the rough part of town.) 

When a fighter attempts to cheat or manipulate the system in the world of mixed martial arts, say by faking a glove tap and diving for a takedown, and is knocked unconscious as a result of his own dickishness, we usually chalk it up to Karma and call it a day. However, when a similar situation arises in everyday American society, it is not only acknowledged by those around it, but is often validated with a lawsuit.

Take Chael Sonnen, for instance, who you might recall was involved in a pesky little money-laundering scheme back in 2011 that ended in a $10,000 fine, probation, and the loss of his real estate license. You might also recall that Sonnen opened up a pizza joint last year for the sole purpose of trolling his way into a title shot against Jon Jones. It’s a move some would call “penny smart and dollar foolish,” but you simply can’t argue with his results. In either case, it appears that Sonnen must have consulted his list of personal acquaintances when determining a co-owner for the place, because he now finds himself playing the role of fraud victim rather than perpetrator. Via OregonLive:

Professional mixed martial artist Chael Sonnen is suing his business partner and the co-owner of his West Linn restaurant, claiming he embezzled $20,000 and owes Sonnen another nearly $23,000 in borrowed money and unpaid rent.

The lawsuit filed earlier this month in Clackamas County Circuit Court also seeks to oust Lee Gamble, who co-owns Mean Street Pizza with the Ultimate Fighting Championship fighter, from the limited liability corporation the pair run. 

My God, I haven’t seen irony that…ironic since Sonnen called out Lance Armstrong for PED usage while simultaneously using PED’s. Fraud is no laughing matter, but are any of you Taters finding as much hilarity in this story as we are?

-J. Jones

Opinions that fans and pundits have on testosterone replacement therapy (TRT) and its place in MMA are about as varied as the search engine terms that brought you here. With Dana White promising to “test the shit out of” fighters on testosterone replacement therapy to Vitor Belfort lashing out at his critics on Twitter over his own TRT usage, we’ve seen two different extremes over the course of this weekend alone. It’s a complicated issue that has many different ways of being interpreted; possibly none of which are entirely right or wrong by themselves. With that in mind, here’s an attempt at condensing the plethora of opposing views on the issue into nine different ways to look at it, arranged in no particular order.

1.) It’s Incredibly Dangerous For Both Fighters Involved.

Perhaps the most common criticism I’ve heard and read regarding testosterone replacement therapy in MMA is that it makes an already dangerous occupation even more hazardous. This is easy to observe through the perspective of the user’s opponent. It’s one thing if Barry Bonds wants to hit longer home runs, or if Hedo Turkoglu wants to flop harder — their opponents are not physically hurt by their actions in either example. However, if an MMA fighter takes testosterone to become more aggressive and punch harder, the likelihood of his opponent suffering irreparable brain damage increases dramatically.

Often neglected, however, are the additional long-term risks that the TRT user opens himself up to. Testosterone may make a fighter faster and stronger, but it doesn’t exactly undo brain damage. Prolonging a fighter’s physical prime also elongates the amount of time he’s receiving blows to the head. Imagine if boxers like Meldrick Taylor and Riddick Bowe – who showed signs of dementia pugilistica by the ends of their careers yet didn’t retire until they couldn’t stay in shape — had access to testosterone replacement therapy. Giving aging fighters the illusion that they can keep taking shots to the head because they’re still in good physical condition is bound to end in disaster.

2.) TRT Isn’t Nearly The Advantage It’s Made Out to Be.

As one could tell from the opening moments of The Ultimate Fighter 17 premiere a couple weeks back, some drastic improvements have been made to the long neglected reality show. The sleek production, the lack of fabricated drama, the fight quality — nearly everything audiences were demanding over the past few seasons seems to have improved for the time being and has been reflected in the show’s much improved ratings.

And tonight’s episode, featuring a showdown between the highly touted Uriah Hall (Team Sonnen) and the all but completely overlooked Adam Cella (Team Jones), promises to deliver not only one of the most violent KO’s in the show’s history, but in the history of the sport. That is according to noted TUF hypeman and occasional UFC president Dana White, of course.

So in order to do a little TUF-hyping of our own (I know right? WHAT YEAR IS THIS?!), we’ve thrown a preview of tonight’s episode above for you all to check out. And indeed, if the audience’s reaction is any indication, then someone is going down in a big way during the night’s main event. Unfortunately for you spoilerphobes, if you freeze frame the video around the 45 second mark, you can see that the fighter strapped to the stretcher appears to be of the African American persuasion. A bit of intentional misleading by the TUF production team, or a massive upset in the making? And more importantly, how many of you Taters will be tuning in to find out?

After the jump: A little more video hype, featuring a sneak peak of Ronda Rousey’s special on Real Sports, which airs February 19th on HBO. Liz Carmouche’s special, on the other hand, will be airing tonight on Lifetime After Dark in the form of a 30-second trailer during the network’s coveted 3 a.m. spot. We kid, we kid; Liz didn’t get a special.

You’d think that Jon Jones would understand the importance of having a tremendous reach advantage, considering it’s one of the key elements of his own success in the UFC. But I’ve already said too much. Read on for our quick breakdown of the best and worst moments from last night’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter 17: Team Jones vs. Team Sonnen, which produced the season’s first middleweight quarterfinalist.

The Good
- The sheer glee on the faces of the castmembers as they enter the TUF mansion for the first time, especially the ones who are used to living a much more humble lifestyle. Not a single one of them goes straight to the booze closet and starts breaking shit. Luke Barnatt is just thankful for six weeks of free food. The house is “astronomically extraordinary,” according to Gilbert Smith. Enjoy it guys, because that beautiful house will soon become…YOUR PRISON.

- Sonnen wearing wind-pants to every appearance in the gym — gotta love it — and the familiar faces among the assistant coaching staff, including Frank Mir (Team Jones), Vinny Magalhaes (Team Sonnen) and Mike Dolce (Team Sonnen).

- Uriah Hall telling Sonnen he wants to fight the best guys in the house, after Sonnen makes it known that he’d like Hall to get an easy road to the finals. Hall’s attitude is a refreshing contrast to Bubba McDaniel, who is fixated on getting the matchups that would give him the best chance of advancing in the tournament, and spends the first half of the episode lamenting how the Smith vs. Barnatt selection puts Team Jones at risk for losing control of the picks.

“They said they’d stand in front of me so we could exchange blind haymakers, and that we’d go to Arby’s after the fight…but then they started wrestling me, and they all went to Subway afterwards and didn’t even invite me!” *sobs*

Today is a new day, which means Quinton ‘Rampage’ Jackson has new shit to complain about. You know the drill by now: The guy who made over $15 million in eleven UFC fights feels he isn’t being treated fairly, and needs the entire world to know how difficult it is to be Rampage. I guess I’d be mad too if my shoes were so ugly, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying to hear him constantly play the victim.

Last week, Rampage decided to vent about the unfair treatment he received from Mike Dolce. Yep, the same Mike Dolce who hasn’t even worked with Jackson in over two years. The same Mike Dolce who helped Rampage cut 45 pounds in only eight weeks, saving Rampage the embarrassment of being overweight for his fight against Rashad Evans. That Mike Dolce.

(Takes one to know one, we guess.) 

I’m pretty sure the amount of irony present in the whole Chael Sonnen/Lance Armstrong beef is giving me cancer. Here you have an MMA fighter on PED’s who called out a cyclist of all people for using PED’s just weeks before said MMA fighter was busted for PED’s. Then, said MMA fighter denied that he ever claimed the cyclist was on PED’s, only to come out years later demanding a personal apology from the cyclist, who it turns out was actually on PED’s all the while. It was an act that required a huge set of balls to commit to, yet was pulled off by a guy whose balls are apparently so small that he needs testosterone injections just to survive, again, because he used PED’s in the past. “Pot, meet kettle,” doesn’t even begin to describe it.

In either case, Sonnen recently appeared on his favorite venue for trolling the MMA world, The Jim Rome Show, and picked up where he left off in regards to the now disgraced cyclist, even delving into how Armstrong had threatened to sue him for his statements at one point:

Why are they calling him a bully? That’s what I can’t wrap my mind brain around. Lance is a dweeb, the only thing he’s missing is the tape on the glasses and the high water pants. That guy couldn’t get respect at the local Honky Tonk in my hometown. He threatened to sue me so I threatened to kick his ass and the whole thing went away.

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Let’s make two things clear from the beginning: Vitor Belfort is an amazing fighter, and an equally terrible trash talker. He demonstrated both of these things on Saturday night, with both his brilliant finish of Michael Bisping and his callout of Jon Jones immediately afterwards.

Of course, Jon Jones is a little busy at the moment, getting ready for Chael Sonnen and all. Belfort addresses this by asking Dana White to “Take that clown away” so he could have his rematch with Jones instead of having Bones fight Sonnen in the spring.

No one is here to say that Belfort can’t beat Sonnen in the cage – especially at light-heavyweight – but “The Phenom” doesn’t exactly live up to his nickname when it comes to trash talking. Even though I wouldn’t count Belfort’s post-fight interview as a callout of Chael Sonnen, the clown comment definitely left a sour taste in his mouth. Sonnen wasted no time responding to Belfort’s comments, using his commentary gig on the post-event FUEL TV broadcast to issue the following statements: