(This fan-made hype video was first posted to YouTube on September 30th. Wow. CletusDamVan must have read The Secret.)

Ugh, you guys, I had the worst dream last night. I was at home, but it was actually the house I grew up in, you know? I was watching TV, and suddenly all the lights went out. Dana White walked in through the back door. He told me — and here’s the freaky part — that Jon Jones and Chael Sonnen would be coaching the next season of The Ultimate Fighter, and they’d actually be fighting for the light-heavyweight belt in April. I was like, “Why? Why are you doing this?” And he said, “Because I fucking hate you.” And when he said that, I realized it wasn’t Dana White, it was my own father. Then, my teeth started cracking and falling out one by one, and-OH MY GOD NO! AHHHHHHHH! THIS CAN’T HAPPEN! THIS CAN’T HAPPEN! [scene]

Look, we’re not alone in our utter distaste for this booking. Elsewhere on the Internet, pundits have called Jones vs. Sonnen (vs. TUF) a thinly-veiled money grab that reeks of desperation and sets a horrible precedent. But this matchup is now our reality, and we have to deal with reality on reality’s terms. Here’s a sample of the fallout and news updates that yesterday’s bombshell kicked up:

- Tweet of the Day, from Dan Henderson: “I guess I should just quit training to win fights and to be exciting for the fans and just go to shit talking school. @danawhite”. Dan and Chael might be bros from way back, but that clearly doesn’t make this news any easier for Hendo to swallow. It’s insulting, really. Henderson is still the most rightful challenger to Jones’s belt, but an ill-timed injury has apparently put him on the UFC’s “pay no mind” list. Don’t make us say it.

- More sour grapes: Of course, Sonnen’s new opportunity now leaves Forrest Griffin without an opponent; FoGriff was originally supposed to meet Sonnen at UFC 155 in December. As you can imagine, Griffin doesn’t seem too thrilled about this latest development either, telling Ariel Helwani, “I’m not mad at him. Why fight your way to the top when you can talk your way to the top? I’m actually happy I’m not fighting him anymore, because watching his fights was boring and tedious.” The hot new rumor is that Griffin could possibly face the recently-wrecked Stephan Bonnar instead. Fine, whatever.

- And now, the Chael Sonnen reaction video you’ve all been waiting for/dreading…

(Let this be a lesson to all you up-and-coming fighters out there: Wearing a fake belt and talking trash on Twitter will do more for your career than legitimate wins ever will.) 

What the fucking fuck, you guys.

Look, we know that we’ve been all over The Ultimate Fighter’s ass lately, citing such complaints as their tired formula, lackluster fighters/fights, and steadily declining viewership. We also remember that when Chael Sonnen stepped in to face Jon Jones on a week’s notice, we were all for it. But when Dana White announced to the LA Times some minutes ago that Chael Sonnen and Jon Jones had been booked as opposing coaches for the next season of The Ultimate Fighter, with a title fight set for April 27th, our reaction was that of horror and revulsion.

This is madness, pure and simple. Let’s look past the fact that Chael Sonnen has not fought at light heavyweight since his UFC debut way back at UFC 55, or the fact that he was supposed to fight Forrest Griffin at UFC 155, or that he is just coming off a loss to Anderson Silva, or that there is at least one legitimate contender in line before him, or that Dana White just got through telling us that the winner of Shogun/Gustafsson would likely receive the next title shot. Actually, we can’t look past any of that. In no alternate universe does this matchup make sense.

(It’s pretty obvious who takes the “Cooler Hairstyle” category.)

It’s time for some real talk, Potato Nation. Stephan Bonnar is booking a one-way train ticket to Painsville Station on Saturday night and Anderson Silva is the conductor. I know it, you know it, the bookies know it, and your mom knows it (I asked her last night. Say hi to her for me, alright?). Matter of fact, if “The American Psycho” is simply able to come away from the fight in the same state of matter he began it in, everyone watching will unquestionably declare his performance a win for America, the UFC, and perhaps even the Caucasian race.

But this fight is about more than who’s accomplished what or who holds what title or who may or may not have lost to a decrepit Mark Coleman. There are several x-factors at play here, and when we decided to match up Stephan Bonnar and Anderson Silva for one of our infamous head to head sessions, the results might surprise you. Let’s get started.

AGE
Bonnar: 35
Silva: 37
Advantage: Bonnar

SIZE
Bonnar: 6’3″, walks around at roughly 235 lbs, 80 inch reach
Silva: 6’2″, walks around at roughly 215 lbs, 77.5 inch reach
Advantage: Bonnar

(I was a big fan of James Thompson until he TKO’d my beloved Giant Silva. You broke my heart, James. You broke my heart. / Photo via Sherdog.)

We’d like to send out a CagePotato Fist-Bump to reader Joseph Cisneros, who submitted today’s topic on this Facebook thread: “Fighters that u hated, that now u are a fan of.” It’s a good question (despite its grammatical quirks), and so is the reverse of it — fighters who you were a fan of, but can’t stand anymore. We figured, why not cover both sides of the coin?

Joining us for this installment of the CagePotato Roundtable is a very special guest, and former Roundtable subject: veteran MMA heavyweight James “The Colossus” Thompson. It’s been a fruitful year for Thompson, who has scored wins over Bob Sapp and Bobby Lashley under the Super Fight League banner, and launched his own MMA media empire with a fantastic blog (ColossalConcerns.com) and a highly entertaining MMA podcast, which you should subscribe to on iTunes right here. Follow the Colossus on Twitter @JColossus, and quiet down children, because the man is about to speak…

James Thompson

When I was told the subject for this round table, I thought I’d have to pass on it, simply because on first reflection I couldn’t think of any fighters that I was a fan of, but then went off completely, or vice versa. But then I did something I try, as often as possible, not to do…I used my brain. After this painful but mercifully brief process was over, I remembered a couple of fighters hidden deep in my grey matter that did fit this description. So here’s what I dug up.

(Skip to 3:45 to watch Sonnen chew up the scenery. Props: AlwaysSunnyonFX)

“It was just nice to finally get my break. I’m sure you can imagine, you know, the plight of the blue-eyed German male in this country, and if I finally get my chance, great — if it doesn’t, I’ll go back to the streets and return to gang-life.”

See? What did I tell you about this genius!

The eighth season of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia premieres Thursday, October 11th, at 10 p.m. on FX. It’s still unclear if Sonnen and the other members of the “replacement” cast will be actually be getting screen-time that night, or if this is just one of the most bizarre promos in the history of basic cable. couchbirth.gif, you guys.

(Haley Joel Osment turns in his only best performance in years, but even he is upstaged by Sonnen’s shit-eating troll face.)

- GIFathon: Getting to Know UFC’s Jimi Manuwa (BloodyElbow)

- 10 Moments That Made MMA the Sport It Is Today (BleacherReport/MMA)

- Light heavyweight rankings: After the deluge, Jon Jones still No. 1 (MMAFighting)

- The Top Ten UFC 152 Photos (HeavyMMA)

- Rampage Jackson talks newfound love for fighting, says he can beat Jon Jones in a rematch (Lowkick)

- Video: Recovering UFC commentator Kenny Florian undecided on potential MMA return (MMAJunkie)

- Fightlinker UFC 152 Awards (Fightlinker)

- Now Machida wants to fight GSP as well (FightersOnly)

- Best Workout Songs of the Decade (Men’sFitness)

- A Q&A with ADCC world champion Hannette Staack (MiddleEasy)

- Brian Stann: Dana thought I won over Bisping, I did too (CagedInsider)

(Matt Hamill plays airplane with his freakishly large, Progeria-ridden child after defeating Roger Hollett earlier in the evening.)

It may be a futile effort to draft up these Armchair Matchmakers given the chaos that injuries are creating at every turn these days, but God damn it, a comedic MMA website has to have its principles! So with that in mind, we decided to scour through the wreckage left behind by UFC 152 and provide some potential opponents for the UFC to consider when booking the night’s biggest winners down the line. Join us and voice your opinions in the comments section, won’t you?

Jon Jones: Despite his best trolling efforts, it appears as if the UFC will actually show some common sense and wait to see if Chael Sonnen can at least defeat one “contender” at 205 (you know, the one he’s supposed to face) before expediting him right to a title shot because the fans apparently control the matchups all of a sudden. We were all for Sonnen/Jones on 8 days notice, but it’s clear that Jones only has two opponents truly worthy of getting ground into dog meat by him next. The first is Dan Henderson, who Jones blamed for the whole UFC 151 fiasco in the first place. He’s clearly next in line in a division that is suddenly absent of marketable contenders (sorry, Alex) and will hopefully be back to his normal H-bombing self before osteoporosis sets in and we have to go through this all over again. The second option…well, let’s just say that he would give Jones an offer that he could neither refuse nor defend. Specifically, “Five of these across the sneeze.”

(While 406 votes may not seem that significant, first consider that this screenshot was taken within an hour of the poll’s creation, and all 111 votes for Dana White were placed by one person. You know who.)

UFC 152 is still three days away, yet I already feel something churning within the deepest regions of my stomach, something I haven’t felt in quite some time when dealing with a UFC card: Excitement. Maybe even nervousness. While at least some of the mixed emotion can be attributed to a few names featured on the card that I always like to watch throw down (specifically: Stann, Belfort, Benavidez, and Hettes), I can’t help but feel as if the main source of my excitement is completely disconnected from the card itself, as if any card could bring me this kind of joy. I feel like I did in the days before a UFC event four or five years ago, and I guarantee that a good percentage of you are feeling it too.

And I imagine you know why you’re feeling it. It’s because the cancellation of UFC 151 was responsible for the largest gap between UFC cards in nearly two years, and was ultimately a good move by the UFC.

At the risk of retreading old ground, I’ll admit that I was quick to throw haterade on Jon Jones for his decision to not fight Chael Sonnen in the days that followed it, and still feel a little disdain toward the champ for doing so. But now that I’ve had some time to digest the situation in its entirety, I’ve come to at least appreciate both Jones’ and the UFC’s decision — as conflicting as it is to say so — and here are the main reasons why.

(What has 2 thumbs and can muffle a fart on the first date?)

By Nathan Smith

Dan Henderson’s knee injury and the refusal by Jon Jones to fight his chosen replacement, Chael P. Sonnen on 8 days notice, forced the first UFC event cancelation in history and the infamous Dana White conference call to announce the goings-on took the MMA world by storm. DW chastised and spewed vitriol towards JBJ’s unwillingness to step up to fight Sonnen which infuriated the UFC brass as a whole. Likewise, it enraged the Bones nuthuggers and haters who in turn inundated the CP comment section for more than a week with well-reasoned arguments but mostly sophomoric jabs involving nipples.

Now Lyoto Machida Vitor Belfort has been named JBJ’s next opponent but that is not stopping Sonnen from getting ready to fight the man that turned down his challenge. The American Gangster expects to walk to the octagon and go mano y mano with Bones next weekend.

Dana White told mmajunkie.com:
“Chael Sonnen is in full training camp right now. He’s been training since he got offered the Jones fight. He said, ‘I’m in full camp right now because Vitor will get hurt and pull out, and it will be Jones vs. Sonnen, anyway.’”

(Seen here: One of the fighters who still has a chance of competing at UFC 153.)

Let’s face it: There is little more we can say to convey our disappointment in the disintegration of UFC 153. The card began solid enough (see above), then it got a little less awesome, then it got significantly more awesome, and now it is resting in a state of awesome limbo that it may never return from, which is not really awesome at all if you think about it.

With rumors flying that everything from Wanderlei Silva vs. Chael Sonnen to Rashad Evans vs. Anderson Silva at a catchweight is being eyed as the replacement main event for UFC 153, it got us thinking:

What fight would you, the fans, like to see as the new main event of UFC 153?

We’ve placed a few of the most likely options after the jump, but feel free to choose the “Other” option and give us your picks/reasoning in the comments section. The sky is the limit, but we must warn you, we’ve already asked Dana to consider Zimmer-Martinez II, and he gave us a resounding “maybe.”

-J. Jones