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21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

Tag: Chael Sonnen

Insane Story of the Day: Woman Goads Her Infant Child Into a Fight, Then Records It


(This pretty much says it all.) 

Whenever I am involved in a discussion regarding crime and punishment, I am often dubbed a “sociopathic”, a “loony”, or a “stay the fuck away from me and my family” kind of guy as a result of my extreme view on how people should be disciplined. Society is overpopulated and ever-increasing, so it is my belief that we should take everyone from the convicted pedophiles and murders of the world down to the sue happy whackjobs, load them into a jumbo jet, and crash it into a mountain. Those whom I have these conversations with often retort that I should have more faith in humanity, that people are inherently good and are capable of change.

And then a story like this surfaces and drags them deeper into the murky cesspool of human existence in which my faith currently lies.

Today’s story comes to us out of St. Louis, where a local woman recently released an abhorring video on Facebook (a.k.a society’s douche) in which she not only prods her infant daughter into fighting another local girl, but gives her a few pointers while she carries out the despicable act. Unfortunately, no charges have been filed at this point, so the woman’s name has yet to be released, likely out of fear that her neighbors would tie her to a fence post and take turns kicking her in the vagina with steel-toed boots in order to ensure that she never reproduces again, as they so rightfully should.

Video after the jump. 

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Thursday Link Dump: Mike Tyson Wants Higher Pay for MMA Fighters, Bisping Picks Sonnen for the Upset, Britney and Arianny Enjoy the Holiday + More


(Four badasses…and Tim Tebow. / Click for full-size version. Props: TerezOwens)

Michael Bisping Says Chael Sonnen Will Defeat Anderson Silva at UFC 148 (BleacherReport/MMA)

Mike Tyson Says MMA Fighters Should Be Paid More, But Warns of Predatory ‘Scumbags’ (MMAFighting)

Britney and Arianny’s Exclusive 4th of July Photo Shoot (The Chive)

Video: Chael Sonnen Watches Himself Lose to Anderson Silva at UFC 117 (MMAMania)

- Chad Mendes Says Loss To Jose Aldo Helped Him, Discusses Aldo vs. Koch (Fightline)

Strikeforce Champ Rousey Enlists Lucia Rijker as Striking Coach Ahead of Kaufman Bout (MMAJunkie)

- The Top 5 UFC Rematches Of All Time (HeavyMMA)

Chael Sonnen Says He’ll Die Without TRT (FightersOnly)

- The Sickest Athletes of the 2012 NBA Draft (MensFitness)

- DV Hottie of the Week: Genevieve, a Gorgeous Blonde (DoubleViking)

How Will Scientology Assassinate Katie Holmes? A Screen Junkies How-To (ScreenJunkies)

7 Reality Shows That Could Be the Best Shows Ever (HolyTaco)

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West Linn, Oregon, Is Basically Compton x 1,000,000 [CHAELSANITY]


(Props: UFC)

At last, UFC middleweight contender Chael Sonnen pulls back the curtain to confirm that the “mean streets” of West Linn, Oregon, weren’t really that mean after all. LOL, etc., but can we take a moment to appreciate what a legitimately talented comedic actor Chael is? The pause at 0:27-0:33, the delivery of the “hundred grand” line at 1:27 — the man’s got a future in showbiz after Anderson Silva ends his MMA career this Saturday.

Seriously, TBS is giving away sitcoms to chuckleheads like Danny Masterson and Steve Byrne. Why not Chael Sonnen?

After the jump: A video response from the #1 dumbest broad on the Internet.

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CagePotato Roundtable #14: Who Was the Greatest American Fighter in MMA History?


(Little known fact: The original version of America the Beautiful contained a fifth verse about Don Frye’s shorts.)

In honor of our country’s 236th birthday, we’ve got a special CagePotato Roundtable discussion for you guys: Who was the greatest American MMA fighter of all time? Because let’s face it, America is exceptional, and we produce the best goddamned fighters in the world. SORRY LIBERAL MEDIA, I SAID IT. Enjoy, and if you have an idea for a future Roundtable topic, please send it to tips@cagepotato.com. And hey, be careful with those bottle rockets, okay?

Ben Goldstein
 

What do MMA legends Chuck Liddell, Matt Hughes, Tito Ortiz, Kazushi Sakuraba, Wanderlei Silva, Randy Couture, and Mark Coleman have in common? They all started their careers within 11 months of Dan Henderson‘s professional debut in June 1997. And where are those guys now? Retired, pretty much retired, retiring this weekend, completely washed up, close to retirementretired, and retired unless Herschel Walker picks up the phone. Meanwhile, Hendo is preparing for his next title fight in September. Does the TRT help? Sure, though I don’t think you can credit Henderson’s heart, balls, and H-bomb power to a little hormonal help. (You also have to give some props to the Jam Gym.)

I’d stack Dan’s accomplishments up against any other fighter in this roundtable discussion — the unprecedented two-division title reign in PRIDE, the five single-night tournament sweeps, the stunning knockouts of Wanderlei Silva, Michael Bisping, and Fedor Emelianenko — but what makes him America’s MMA G.O.A.T. is his incredible longevity. Dan Henderson has been a top-ten fighter longer than anybody else in the history of the sport. I can only think of two other MMA fighters who started their careers 15 years ago who are still considered viable stars, and neither of them are American: Vitor Belfort, whose career was plagued by long stretches of injury and inconsistency, and Anderson Silva, who’s a freakish exception to any rule.

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4th of July Quiz: Who Said It, Founding Father or MMA Fighter?


(So I sez to da brod, “I want to f*ck Chuck!“)

By Jason Moles

Happy Independence Day, Potato Nation! In honor of today’s festivities we figured it was time once again to switch things up around here. For starters, we’re not going to tell you that the fight you were looking forward to has been rescheduled/tweaked/cancelled due to injury, nor will we bog you down with the latest trash talk between Anderson Silva and Chael Sonnen. Instead, let’s play a patriotic game. We’ll give you a list of quotes and then you decide who said it, either a founding father or a famous (and I’m using that word lightly) MMA fighter. The answer key is on the next page. Let’s begin!

1. “Happiness depends more on the inward disposition of mind than on outward circumstances.” Was this A.) Diego Sanchez or B.) Ben Franklin

2. “I let go of the disappointments and setbacks in my life and hang on to the promises of God for my future.” Was this A.) Phil Baroni or B.) John Adams

3. “And to think, there are still places in the world where man has not been, where he has left no footprints, where the mysteries stand secure, untouched by human eyes. I want to go to these places, the quiet, timeless, ageless places, and sit, letting silence and solitude be my teachers.” Was this A.) Evan Tanner or B.) Thomas Jefferson

4. “I have not yet begun to fight!” Was this A.) Jon Jones or B.) John Paul Jones

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Today’s Silva vs. Sonnen Staredown Got Very, Very Uncomfortable [VIDEO]


(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

Yes, Anderson Silva initiated contact. Yes, he appeared to lunge in for a kiss at the 1:05:35 mark. Yes, it took Dana White and two other dudes to hold him back. By comparison, Chael Sonnen was cool as a cucumber during the climactic staredown at today’s UFC 148 press conference. Congrats, buddy, you’re in his head. Now what?

Update: An edited version with audio is after the jump, courtesy of MMAFighting.

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‘Silva vs. Sonnen 2′ Video Hype: The Stat Line, Chael’s Mom + More


(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

If you’re a stats geek, this new UFC 148 promo clip will give you a raging nerd-boner. In dissecting the rivalry between Anderson Silva and Chael Sonnen, we learn the following:

- Before his first fight with Sonnen at UFC 117, Anderson Silva had been hit a combined 166 times by his previous 11 UFC opponents. Sonnen landed on him 320 times. (Each of these must have counted as two.)

- Sonnen has actually out-landed all of his opponents in the UFC and WEC. Unfortunately, he’s also allowed 18 serious submission attempts during his UFC fights, which places him 3rd on the all-time list. We’re guessing he’ll never catch up to Melvin Guillard.

- Silva’s triangle/armbar submission of Sonnen 23:10 into their fight was the latest stoppage in UFC history.

- Sonnen’s 34 takedowns in the Octagon place him at #1 among middleweights.

- Sonnen is the “World’s Best Trash Talker,” which has been scientifically proven by the researchers at CompuTrash.

After the jump: Sonnen discusses the training camp support he gets from his mother/co-conspirator, and the full video of Sonnen’s UFC 136 smashing of Brian Stann.

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A Note to Future Interviewers of Chael Sonnen: DO NOT Bring up the “Mortgage Fraud” Thing


(Who just called me a thief?! Was it you?! I am an undisclosed investment opportunist you son of a bitch, so get your shit straight!) 

If there’s one thing we know about Chael Sonnen, it’s that he can hurl insults at other fighters, reporters, and entire countries with the lyrical ostentation of an 18th century poet (we also hear he’s an OK fighter as well). His ability to string together an eight or nine word sentence without having “uh” or “you know” constitute at least three of those words puts him head and shoulders above a lot of his peers (Junior Dos Santos is trying, you guys, leave him alone), so much so that he can almost convince us that Big Nog once tried to feed a carrot to a bus without sounding like a sundowning centenarian in the midst of an LSD flashback while doing so. Almost.

That being the case, you’d imagine that Sonnen would be able to take a joke, or at least an awkward question in stride, because those who cast stones at other people should expect stones to be cast at them, or whatever it is that they say. I’m not looking it up. But more often than not, this is not the case for the shit-spewing, trash-talkers of the world. Such is the case with Mr. Sonnen, who has shown us in such memorable moments as “Amateur Hour with Michael Lansberg” that he can’t exactly take it as well as he can dish it out.

Sonnen recently appeared on the John Canzano-hosted “Portland’s 750 -The Game” to promote his upcoming rematch with Anderson Silva at UFC 148, and when the subject of his past legal troubles came up, let’s just say that Chael went from about 0-100 faster than a McLaren F1 with Memphis Raines behind the wheel. And don’t think for a second that we don’t see the irony in poking fun at Chael Sonnen while at the same time lambasting him for excessively poking fun at other fighters. The Internet gives us a Diplomatic Immunity to do so and not even Roger Murtaugh can revoke it.

A full audio recording of the exchange and transcription are after the jump. 

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[VIDEO] The Greatest Exercise Equipment Ad Ever, Starring Chael Sonnen (Of Course)


(Triangle defense sold separately.) 

We first caught a glimpse of the incredible human Whack-a-Mole style training device designed by Nexersys when Matt Serra took us on a tour of Chael Sonnen’s house in between trips to the deli to get some nice gabagool. Chael could not speak highly enough of the revolutionary piece of equipment, so much so that he recently decided to appear in an ad for the product. Sort of.

Basically, the “ad” is nothing more than the “Oregon Gangster” riffing on prison politics and how awesome he is for just under a minute. He not once mentions the product at hand, or even how it works, but that kind of frivolous information is best left for the puny-brained weaklings who think that a few push-ups a day will transform them into the next Ultimate Fighter. So goes the reasoning of Chael P. Sonnen.

Video after the jump. 

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Classic Fight: Anderson Silva vs. Chael Sonnen @ UFC 117 [FULL VIDEO]

(Props: sports.yahoo.com)

If you work in an office, you probably spend the first half-hour of your day drinking coffee, reading blogs, and lamenting the bad decisions you’ve made in your life that led you to this point. So make this morning a special one by watching the entire five-round battle between Anderson Silva and Chael Sonnen at UFC 117, which went down back in August 2010 in Oakland.

Sonnen may have a tendency to “talkee too muchee,” as the Brazilians might say, but you have to give him credit — he came to fight that night. Sonnen showed no signs that he was psyched out by the aura of the Spider, and aggressively pursued the champ for all five rounds. When it was all over, Sonnen had out-struck Silva by a stunning 320-64. Unfortunately, the judges were not well-versed in the Stockton scoring system, and awarded the fight to the guy who didn’t get choked out at the end. Still, it was a hell of a fight — can the sequel possibly live up to the original?

After the jump: A fan-made ‘Silva vs. Sonnen 2‘ hype video from Bruthamuzone, which is pretty killer despite the use of Limp Bizkit.

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