(Tom Lawlor: The UFC’s undisputed Seven Up champion.) 

Maybe it’s just us, but it seems like it’s getting harder and harder to drum up a potential list of future opponents for the winners of a given UFC card these days. Not only are most fighters already booked for the promotion’s ever-increasing amount of cards, but the ones selected for title shots are seemingly being drawn out of a hat. Be that as it may, we are going to try and sift through the wreckage of last night’s UFC on FUEL card and determine who the big winners should face next. Enjoy.

Chan Sung Jung: We’ll be the first to admit that we underestimated “The Korean Zombie” heading into yesterday’s fight. But aside from his excellent transitions on the ground, or that amazing takedown reversal to mount he was able to pull off, the thing that impressed us the most about Jung was his tranquility. While Poirier was throwing his best shots at him, Jung remained calm, and worked his way out of every hairy situation like a true pro. He deserves a title shot, and Dana White claims that he is next in line for one. And The Baldfather would never go back on his word. Just ask Anthony Pettis.

(Wear it like a champion. Or at the very least, like a #1 contender.)

Y’know, it would have been helpful last week if we knew that Jung vs. Poirier was going to be a five-round fight. (Serves me right for trusting the word of a fly-by-night MMA fan-blog.) Though we got a wide variety of guesses in our TrauMMA/No Mas fight-picking contest, none of you guessed that the fight would go to the championship rounds, probably because you didn’t know that it was even a possibility.

Nevertheless, the two closest picks belonged to spidey811 (“Zombie def. Poirier via Anaconda Choke at 3:54 in Round 3 [Submission of the Night]“) and topdog (“Jung def Poirier via submission (RNC) @ 3:23 of rd 3 [Submission of the night]“) — who will both be getting the new Korean Zombie t-shirt from TrauMMA Combat Apparel.

Honorable mention goes to Freddyboiiiii, who predicted a second-round submission win for Jung, and correctly guessed that the fight would pick up the Submission of the Night and Fight of the Night bonuses. That’s good enough for a CagePotato t-shirt, I think. If your name has been called, please send your real name, shirt size, and address to contest@cagepotato.com, and we’ll send out your prizes ASAP. Thanks again to TrauMMA for the hookup!

(Stay away from the light, Dustin! Stay away from the light!) 

Ladies and gentlemen of the Potato Nation, the end times are upon us. Last night, a quiet, unassuming man named Chan Sung Jung escaped from a remote Korean testing facility and wound up in Fairfax, Virginia. Needing to fulfill certain diversity requirements that had long eluded them, the people of Fairfax embraced and accepted him with open arms, completely unaware that he was in fact patient zero of a zombie-like virus that would spell the untimely demise of the human race. Those ignoramuses.

Before they even knew what had hit them, reports of strange occurrences were popping up from county to county, then state to state. Having caught the latter half of the movie Outbreak on TBS just a few weeks prior, the people of Fairfax knew that they had to capture the source of the disease if they were ever to restore order to the chaos they had created. So they sent forth their bravest virologist, a man by the name of Dustin Poirier, to subdue the host and bring him back for testing. Early reports claimed that “The Diamond” would have little to no trouble accomplishing this feat, as he had successfully extinguished every threat placed before him since joining the Zuffa corporation.

How wrong they were.

For nearly twenty minutes, the two engaged in an all out war of attrition, one that would determine the very fate of mankind. He put up a hell of a fight, but as much as it saddens us to say this, we are officially doomed. Poirier was infected by “The Korean Zombie (virus),” and chances are that you will be soon as well. Early symptoms include raucous use of the phrase, “HOLY SHIT BRO”, an ability to absorb a tremendous amount of punishment, $80,000 cash, drowsiness, and cramps.

(Props: FoxSports)

The main event of last night’s UFC on FUEL TV 3 event blew past its already high expectations. “The Korean Zombie” Chan Sung Jung and Dustin Poirier set a frenetic pace for over three rounds, with Jung dominating the fight both in the standup and on the ground. In the end, Jung rocked Poirier with punches and a flying knee, and put “Diamond” to sleep on the mat with a d’arce choke at the 1:07 mark of round four. You can check out highlights from their scrap above, including an excerpt from Jung’s astounding grappling clinic in round two.

The match earned both men $40,000 Fight of the Night bonuses, and Jung picked up an additional $40k for the event’s Submission of the Night (“What about meeeeeeee?!” – The McKenzietine). Knockout of the Night went to Tom Lawlor, who celebrated his birthday then starched Jason MacDonald in just 50 seconds.

After the jump: Dustin Poirier gets emotional in a post-fight interview with Ariel Helwani, and full results from UFC on FUEL TV: Korean Zombie vs. Poirier.

(Impressed, Jung decided to get a tattoo of the outline of Louisiana, mistaking it as the American symbol for “courage.” / Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle. For more photos from this set, click here.)

Tonight at the Patriot Center in Fairfax, Virginia, two of the most exciting forces in the featherweight division will square off for the next shot at the UFC’s 145-pound belt. After a 2011 that saw him twist up Leonard Garcia then knock out Mark Hominick in seven seconds, “The Korean Zombie” Chan Sung Jung now faces Dustin Poirier, the 23-year-old phenom who’s smashed through four straight opponents during his time in the Octagon.

Also on the six-fight UFC on FUEL TV 3 main card: TUF winner Amir Sadollah returns against Jorge Lopez, Donald Cerrone throws down against Jeremy Stephens, and Tom “Neo Genki” Lawlor meets up with Canadian vet Jason MacDonald.

Handling the play-by-play for this evening is Justin Corey, better known around these parts as Kid Clam Curtains. Live results from the FUEL TV main card will be piling up after the jump beginning at 8 p.m. ET / 5 p.m. PT. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest.

(I’ll show you Linsanity, you racist sonofabitch!) 

Perhaps it’s because we are truly spontaneous creatures at heart, but we are more excited for tomorrow night’s UFC on FUEL broadcast than perhaps any other free card in as long as we can remember, if only because it gives us an excuse to do something on a Tuesday night that we normally save for the weekends ie. drink, shout at the TV until our ears bleed, and gamble away the money we have yet to even earn. And since we don’t want to be the only MMA fans waiting in line at the soup kitchen come next week, we figured we’d drag you all down with us. Because, honestly, it’s neither as easy or as fun to start a soup fight with the homeless by yourself. Anyway, check out the betting lines below, courtesy of BestFightOdds, and join us after the jump for our more-or-less comprehensible advice.

MAIN CARD (FUEL TV)
Chan Sung Jung (+270) vs. Dustin Poirier (-330)
Amir Sadollah (-185) vs. Jorge Lopez (+160)
Donald Cerrone (-255) vs. Jeremy Stephens (+215)
Yves Jabouin (-235) vs. Jeff Hougland (+195)
Igor Pokrajac (+145) vs. Fabio Maldonado (-165)
Jason MacDonald (+200) vs. Tom Lawlor (-240)

PRELIMINARY CARD (Fuel.tv, 5:30 p.m. ET / 2:30 p.m. PT)
Cody McKenzie (-105) vs. Marcus LeVesseur (-115)
Brad Tavares (-175) vs. Dongi Yang (+155)
T.J. Grant (-400) vs. Carlo Prater (+325)
Rafael Dos Anjos (-280) vs. Kamal Shalorus (+240)
Jeff Curran (-135) vs. Johnny Eduardo (+115)
Alex Soto (+200) vs. Francisco Rivera (-240)

Thoughts…

(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

UFC on FUEL TV: Korean Zombie vs. Poirier goes down tomorrow night at the Patriot Center in Fairfax, Virginia, and the weigh-ins are scheduled for today at 4 p.m. ET. You can watch the hot feet-on-scale action in the player above. Though we don’t foresee any hat-smacking or face-squishing, Tom Lawlor did promise to arrive with the most obscure MMA reference in UFC weigh-in history, so there’s that. [Photo is at the end of this post.] The full UFC on FUEL 3 fight card is after the jump, which are now updated with weigh-in totals. Come back to CagePotato.com tomorrow evening for our liveblog of the FUEL main card broadcast, which kicks off at 7 p.m. ET/4 p.m. PT.

(Shirt image via TrauMMACombat.com)

In honor of Chan Sung Jung‘s upcoming fight against Dustin Poirier at UFC on FUEL 3 on Tuesday, TrauMMA Combat Apparel has released a brand-new “Korean Zombie” t-shirt that you can buy right here for $29.99. But we know that thirty bucks is hard to come by in this economy, so how ’bout we give you a chance to win one for free?

You know how this works: Submit your prediction for the Zombie vs. Poirier main event in the comments section below by Monday night at midnight ET, including the winner, method of victory, and time/round of stoppage (if applicable). No need to include judges’ scores if you’re predicting a decision, but for the purposes of a tie-breaker, please include which end-of-night bonus you think the fight will win, if you think it’ll be bonus-worthy. Your entry should look like this…

Jung def. Poirier via split-decision [Fight of the Night]
or
Poirier def. Jung via submission (triangle choke), 3:54 of round 2 [Submission of the Night]
or
Jung def. Poirier via TKO, 1:59 of round 3 [no bonus]

And there’s just one more twist…

(Props: Pepper and Bones)

After paying his dues for the last three years, Fightville star Dustin Poirier will have his first UFC headlining appearance at UFC on FUEL 3: Korean Zombie vs. Poirier, May 15th in Fairfax, Virginia. And what better way to prepare for Chan Jung Sung than facing down an invasion of the undead? Remember Dustin, all it takes is one good shot to the head…

Fightville debuts this Friday in select theaters (NY/LA), video-on-demand (Comcast, Cox, Time Warner Cable), and digital download (iTunes, Xbox, VUDU).

CagePotato Roundtable is our new recurring column in which the CP writing staff and some of our friends all get together to debate an MMA-related topic. Joining us this week is former CagePotato staff writer Chad Dundas, who now writes for an up-and-coming blog called ESPN. If you have a suggestion for a future Roundtable column, send it to tips@cagepotato.com.

CagePotato reader Alexander W. writes: “The Demetrious Johnson vs. Ian McCall fight inspired my suggestion: Greatest robberies in MMA history. I’d be curious to hear the variety of opinions out there. Surely that fight was a top ten.”

Chad Dundas

There are a lot of things about Pride Total Elimination 2003 that don’t make sense when viewed with modern MMA sensibilities. How to even comprehend a world where a skinny, haired-up, suit jacket-wearing Dana White could bet Pride bigwigs $250,000 that Chuck Liddell was going to win that company’s 2003 middleweight grand prix? Or comprehend that a bizarrely dangerous and clearly-enunciating Liddell showed up in the first round of said tournament and KTFOed an impossibly svelte Alistair Overeem? Or that Overeem had an old dude in a robe and shriners hat accompany him to the ring while carrying a big foam hammer? Or that on this night somebody got tapped out with a sleeve choke? Or that Wanderlei Silva fought Kazushi Sakuraba and it didn’t just make everybody feel sad and empty?

No sense at all.

What does still sort of make sense is this: After watching Liddell sleep Overeem, there was no way on God’s green Earth that Pride judges were going to let another UFC emissary walk out of Saitama Super Arena with a win*, so they conspired to pull off one of the greatest screwjobs in MMA history when they awarded Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira a unanimous decision over Ricco Rodriguez. The indisputable fact is, Ricco whipped Big Nog good that night, taking him down, brutalizing him, shaking off his feeble submission attempts and controlling pretty much the whole affair. At least, that’s how I remember it. Unfortunately, due to Zuffa’s ongoing war on Internet piracy it seems their bout will only be remembered by history and by the creepy old man who answers the queries you submit to the Sherdog Fight Finder.

(We’re not the only ones who see a woman in a bear suit in the background, right?)

It’s a new week, Potato Nation, and with it brings change. I, for one, will be shedding the DangadaDang “nom de plume” if you will, in favor of my actual name from now on. Will the writing be any gooder? Perhaps, but for every change, something must stay the same, as they say. And in the ever changing landscape that is the current MMA scene, it’s comforting to know that we can count on the stability of at least one thing: Fedor Emelianenko‘s desire to toss around Asian men he outweighs by a good 70 pounds. You get caught with your hand in the (fortune) cookie jar once, it’s forgivable. You get caught twice, and you’re moving into full blown fetish territory, Mr. Emelianenko.

Yes, the former PRIDE heavyweight champion recently appeared on the South Korean TV show, “Star King,” to reenact the end of the Tim Boetsch/David Heath scrap with the help of fast rising featherweight contender Chan Sung Jung. Aside from being a reminder of how much better Asian television shows are than ours (oh MXC, where hast thou gone?), the sparring session is at the minimum a silver lining in the storm cloud of disappointment that was the second UFC on Fox broadcast. Like we said, it’s a new day, and let’s just shed the memory of last weekend’s main card with a good old fashioned freak show exhibition to start the work week, shall we?

Join us after the jump for the glorious video, but for the love of God, turn off your speakers before you do so. If you’ve ever ordered take out from P.F. Chang’s, then you are familiar with the chaos that awaits you.

(I see trouble a brewin’ on the horizon.) 

Given their frequency within the sport, we oft discuss the rematch here at CagePotato: we’ve mentioned a few that we’d like to see, we’ve mocked the possible occurence of others, and we’ve even gone as far as to predict how future ones would go down. And with 2011 featuring over 10 in the UFC alone, we decided to take a look back at at a year that both showcased and disgraced the awesomeness that is the rematch. Join us on this trip down memory lane, won’t you?

The Ones We Needed to See 

#5 – Anderson Silva vs. Yushin Okami at UFC 134

(Silva v. Okami, though this image could be from just about any of Silva’s fights.) 

Why it had to happen: Because the first fight marked the last time Silva had lost…at anything, and even if it was by way of illegal upkick DQ, it was enough to convince some people that Okami had his number. Plus, Okami had earned his shot by this point, and we were getting pretty damned tired of debating this old issue.

How it happened: Absolute. Domination. In typical fashion, Silva toyed with Okami like he was wrestling with his 4 year old nephew, letting the audience know that the fight would end when he decided it would. A head kick that rocked Okami at the end of the first round reinforced this belief, and Silva mercifully finished him off in the second. Cut. Print. TKO.

What it proved: That, outside of Chael Sonnen, there are no threats left in the UFC’s middleweight division for Anderson Silva. As with Strikeforce women’s featherweight champion Christiane “Cyborg” Santos, Silva must journey to another weight class if he desires a true challenge. Even DW is coming around to the idea, sort of.

(Chan Sung Jung strikes Mark Hominick with the ferocity of someone who has just discovered Canadian beef in his bulgogi. / Photo via Cagewriter)

No matter how much Dan Henderson begs, Jon Jones‘s next opponent will be the winner of Rashad Evans vs. Phil Davis. Other than that, the fates of UFC 140‘s winners and losers are currently floating in limbo. But if we know matchmaking as well as we think we do, you might be seeing a few of these fights announced in the near future…

Frank Mir: His arm-snapping win over Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira was exactly what Frank needed to pull him out of his career holding pattern. Pundits are already chattering about a trilogy match with Brock Lesnar, in case there’s some truth to those ugly rumors about Alistair Overeem getting pulled from UFC 141. Let’s hope that’s not the case. Instead, we’ll set up a hypothetical booking between Mir and former champ Cain Velasquez, whose title reign and undefeated record were abruptly smashed at UFC on FOX 1. There’s always the chance that Mir would get overwhelmed by Velasquez’s power — see Mir vs. Carwin, Mir vs. Lesnar 2 — but his jiu-jitsu prowess and dangerous hands could make Frank vs. Cain a thriller.

Chan Sung Jung: In four fights under the Zuffa banner, Chan Sung Jung has given us a Fight of the Decade candidate and 2011′s greatest submission, and has now tied the (official) record for fastest UFC knockout; I just wanted you to take a moment and appreciate that. Smashing a recent featherweight title contender in Mark Hominick shoots the Korean Zombie way up the 145-pound ladder. He hasn’t earned a title shot yet, but he’s knocking at the door. Give him the loser of the Jose Aldo vs. Chad Mendes title fight next month in Rio and see if he can turn in another brilliant performance.

There’s a time for fightin’, and a time for dancin’! Nog breaks out “The Robot“, Mir shows off the “Smooth Criminal“. (Photo: UFC.com)

I’m not sure what sort of pre-fight pep talk was given to the fighters in their locker rooms last night, but I hope somebody recorded it to play at all future events. “Never leave it in the hands of the judges” doesn’t begin to capture the sentiment that most of the fighters carried with them to the Octagon. Last night’s finishes were emphatic and extraordinary. Knocking your opponent out wouldn’t do—it would have to tie for the quickest KO in UFC history. Subbing the previously untapped wasn’t enough—you had to break them or render them unconcious.

We’ve already broken down the Jones-Machida bout, so we’ll just say the champion definitely gave us something to Skype about. Now, onto the rest of the card.

(The CagePotato HR Department: Boldly squashing inter-office disputes since 2007.) 

Just like pictures of hot womens and irresponsible opinions, pre-UFC event bickering has become a fixture here at CagePotato. In advance of this weekend’s card in Toronto, we locked Danga and ReX in a miniature Octagon with energy drinks, a blow-up doll, and a set of questions. We were dubious about the doll, but ReX insisted that hilarity would ensue, and he assures us that it did. It wasn’t mentioned in the final article, but some things you just don’t want to ask about.

Come on in past the jump and witness the confusion of two men discussing MMA while being distracted by said hot womens, touching on the subjects of likability, MMA Math, and the potential importance of fashion choices.

Last week, we let none other than The Great Potato step in and give you guys some gambling advice for the TUF 14 Finale. He went spuds out, gambling his son Tater’s future college fund on a parlay that included Jason Miller and T.J. Dillashaw. He has since gone into hiding and refused to answer any of our calls. Now that UFC 140 is on the horizon, we bring you some saweet betting lines, courtesy of BestFightOdds, along with our advice, in order to ensure his children receive the education they deserve.

Main Card
Jon Jones (-440) vs. Lyoto Machida (+350)
Frank Mir (-250) vs. Antonio Rodrigo Nogueria (+210)
Antonio Rogerio Nogueria (-225) vs. Tito Ortiz (+175)
Brian Ebersole (-125) vs. Claude Patrick (-105)
Mark Hominick (-380) vs. Chan Sung Jung (+290)

The Main Event: The fact that Lyoto Machida is listed with a slightly better chance to beat Jones than Rampage Jackson, a.k.a the last person to beat Machida, is intriguing to say the least. We all know Lyoto has stepped up his training camp for this bout, and packed on an incredible 21 pounds of muscle to try and deal with the size and strength of Jones, but will this weight gain hinder the Dragon’s renowned elusiveness? And despite Jones’ near immortal stature among the UFC’s light heavyweight division, there is still one huge facet of his game that has yet to be tested, his chin.

(Full video of yesterday’s UFC on FOX: Velasquez vs. Dos Santos press conference, via YouTube.com/UFC)

Some selected highlights from our friends around the MMA blogosphere. E-mail feedback@cagepotato.com for details on how your site can join the MMA Link Club…

- UFC 141: Brock Lesnar vs. Alistair Overeem Winner on Dec. 30 Earns Heavyweight Title Shot (MMA Mania)

- We Know You Want to Watch This Video of The Korean Zombie and Arianny Celeste on a Korean Game Show (MiddleEasy)

- Dana White: Dan Henderson Signed Exclusive UFC Contract, Unsure About Strikeforce Belt (5thRound)

- 4 Reasons Jon Jones Will Destroy Rampage Jackson at UFC 135 (BleacherReport.com/MMA)

- Gegard Mousasi vs. Ovince St. Preux Set for Dec. 17 Strikeforce Card (MMA Fighting)

- Exclusive UFC on FOX Press Conference Photo Gallery (LowKick)

- A Summary of Bas Rutten’s Excellent Interview With Rampage Jackson (FightOpinion)

- Will UFC 135 Be the Last Fight for Matt Hughes? (NBC Sports MMA)

- Diaz Reportedly Losing Seven Figures Due to UFC 137 Re-Booking (MMA Payout)

- Worst MMA Foul Ever – Takeo Shiina Shows Floyd Mayweather How It’s Done (TheFightNerd)

- Kenny Florian: “I Think I Do Everything Well” (Five Ounces of Pain)

- Greatest TUF Contributions of All Time (MMA Convert)

This should not be Florian’s stiffest test before Aldo. Just saying. PicProps: Examiner.com

Dana White has all but made official the next featherweight championship fight, saying that Kenny Florian “pretty much” is next in line for Jose Aldo, and we’ve kind of grumbled about it. It’s not the we don’t like Ken-Flo — we do — but we’re not entirely sold on Florian as the number one contender in the featherweight division.

Being brand new to the weight class, most reasonable people would expect Florian to get two or three good wins before they throw him in against the Brazilian destroyer of legs and faces. It’s not like we’re asking him to go on an eight fight win streak before he gets a title shot, just spend more than fifteen minutes in the weight class.

Being the kind and helpful people we are, we decided to share our own ideas about who Florian could fight next to strengthen his case for a shot at the belt. If Florian wins, then by all means slate him for the Aldo fight. If he loses, he probably wasn’t ready anyway, right?

Mark Hominick MMA Live interview – Watch more Funny Videos

Three weeks after his unsuccessful bid for the UFC featherweight title at UFC 129, Mark Hominick was in London, Ontario, supporting his Adrenaline Training Center teammate James Haourt at MMA Live 1. Our own Brian J. D’Souza caught up with the local hero to get his thoughts on his last fight and his immediate future. Some highlights…

On his performance against Jose Aldo: “[He's] one of the best pound-for-pound fighters in the world, and I wasn’t supposed to get out of the first round, and if there were 30 more seconds, I’d be wearing the belt right now. It was one of those fights that like, you go back to the drawing board and there’s a few things that could have changed, but I laid my heart out on the line, I laid it in the ring, I put everything into that fight and everybody who was there knows that, and everyone who watched the fight knows that…I almost had him finished in the fifth, and it’s just that the knockdown in the third kind of took the momentum I felt I was building, and kind of took the sail out until I had to come back in the fifth.”

(That’s what happens when you spar every day with Steven Seagal.)

Heavy.com is reporting that UFC featherweight champion Jose Aldo has sustained an unspecified injury that will likely push back a planned late summer title defense against Chad Mendes.

According to the story, which sites several unnamed sources who predict the minor setback wil keep Aldo out until about September, Mendes will likely take a fight in the interim. Although no potential opponents have been named at this point, one fighter who would likely be up to facing Mendes is Mark Hominick, who logged a gutsy five-round war with Aldo in April at UFC 129 in Toronto.

(“See? Good as new.” Photo via twitter.com/markhominick)

Following his admirable decision loss to Jose Aldo at UFC 129, featherweight contender Mark Hominick claimed that he’s just two wins from another title shot. If he gets his way, his first return opponent will be “the Korean Zombie,” Chan Sung Jung. On Friday, Jung tweeted “I want mark hominick,” to which the Machine responded: “Korean Zombie would be an awesome fight!…It would be a great fight and would love to do it if it was offered.”

Jung is coming off his outstanding “twister” submission victory against Leonard Garcia in March, avenging a previous judging robbery at WEC 48. Sandwiched between the two fights against Garcia, Jung suffered a head-kick knockout against George Roop. Coincidentally, Hominick TKO’d Roop in his last fight before UFC 129, and beat Garcia so convincingly last year that even the judges couldn’t screw him out of a victory (although one of them tried.) Feel free to do your own MMA Math on this one…

(Meanwhile, Christian Morecraft picked up $500 for “Freakishly Long Tongue of the Night.” / Photo courtesy of UFC.com)

The competitors at Saturday’s UFC Fight Night 24: Nogueira vs. Davis card earned a total of $757,000 in disclosed salaries and bonuses, according to figures released by the Washington State Department of Licensing. Preliminary card fighter Johny Hendricks actually walked away with the biggest check of the night, earning $99,000 for 95 seconds of work against TJ Waldburger. Check out the full salary list below; keep in mind that the figures don’t include deductions for taxes, licensing fees, or insurance, or additional revenue from sponsorships and undisclosed “locker room bonuses.”

Phil Davis: $34,000 (includes $17,000 win bonus)
def. Antonio Rogerio Nogueira: $90,000

Anthony Johnson: $40,000 (includes $20,000 win bonus)
def. Dan Hardy: $25,000

Amir Sadollah: $40,000 (includes $20,000 win bonus)
def. DaMarques Johnson: $14,000

Remember, kids: drugs are evil, and will only hold you back in life. (VidProps: TwisterEddie)

Ok, since you bitches obviously wanted to hear from Eddie B himself, he’s obliged you with this fifteen-minute analysis of the Twister from Saturday night. Some of you my find it of interest, since Eddie shouts out Rener and Ryron like everything is all Kool & the Gang, and he addresses that rumor that some of you have mentioned about this being a move from amateur wrestling, of all places. Honestly, now, submission wrestling? That’s just crazy talk.

“What’s wrong? You’re not upset about that whole ‘stand and bang’ thing, are you?”

Odds are good that last night’s fights didn’t play out exactly as you’d envisioned them. Whereas many thought the headliner would be decided by a strict adherence to fundamentals like boxing and wrestling, the allure of the card’s other fights was their potential for wild, unrestrained fisticuffs . Whether we simply expected a couple of slugfests based on previous fights or due to outright lies, last night’s competitors exercised some unexpected caution and took a more thoughtful approach to victory.

(Leonard Garcia [left] paid Tim Burton $3,250 for that custom-made zombie-head. And still, the crowd cheered harder for Dan Hardy’s ironic Charlie Sheen t-shirt. There’s just no accounting for taste. / Photos courtesy of the UFC Fight Night 24 Weigh In Pics gallery on CombatLifestyle.com)

Just think: If not for a completely unexpected injury, you’d all be watching Tito Ortiz‘s big comeback tonight — or not watching it, depending on your current interest level in Tito Ortiz. Instead, Phil Davis gets a shot at the big time, and Tito’s retirement fight is delayed until July. Anyway, we’ve got a solid lineup of free fights on Spike TV, kicking off at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT with Leonard Garcia vs. Chan Sung Jung 2, Revenge of the Zombie. We’re excited, and we hope you are as well. Round-by-round results can be found after the jump; refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest. Thanks for coming.

The weigh-in official found Davis’s ticklish spot. Pic: MMA Junkie

Heading into tonight’s bouts, it feels strangely like we’ve been here before… we’ve got drama surrounding Anthony Johnson’s weight, fighters promising to eschew their full range of talent in favor of standing and banging, and of course the redo of Garcia and Jung’s epic battle. With all of the variables that unfold in a fight it’s practically impossible to predict how a fight will go down, but that doesn’t mean we won’t irresponsibly try. Here’s a look at some of tonight’s fights and how history may play a role in their outcome.

(“FINISH HIM!” shouted the spooky narrator from Mortal Kombat, who had clearly never seen Jon Fitch fight before. Props: MMAConvert)

After their UFC 127 main event ended in a frustrating majority draw, BJ Penn and Jon Fitch have been re-booked for an immediate rematch at UFC 132 (July 2, Las Vegas). The UFC confirmed the news late last night. Both fighters were initially disappointed in their performance, but have since come around to the idea that they both should have won and a rematch is the only logical option. The fight will lead off the live Facebook-stream portion of the evening. (Kidding. It’ll probably be on the main card somewhere.) Maybe this match is a good time to test out the UFC’s proposed use of five-round fights for non-title features. No? Terrible idea?

(Video courtesy of YouTube/UrijahFaber0com)

You can’t say Urijah Faber is a bad host. “The California Kid” took the time recently to help teach Chan Sung Jung about American culture and to show to fit in in California. Faber taught “The Korean Zombie” some common phrases like, “I’m Captain Save-a-ho,” and “Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants.”

Who knew there was a personality hiding under the surface of the stone-faced Korean fighter? Unfortunately, with the more time he spends with Faber he will be talking like a douchebag like one of the idiots from The Hills.

If 2010 was a cold beer, we’d be down to the backwash. December puts all of us MMA-pundit types in a reflective mood, and this year gave us a double-crapload of big stories, insane fights, rising stars, and utter embarrassments to wrap our heads around. And so, we’d like to pay tribute to 2010 in the best way we know how — sarcasm and insults, mostly. Without further ado, here are 15 things we felt were worthy of some end-of-year recognition, Potato-style…

The Giant Silva Freak Show Award, presented each year to the match that’s made strictly for gruesome entertainment value; fighters should ideally exhibit a tremendous difference in either size or experience level.
Winner: Randy Couture vs. James Toney at UFC 118, in which a tubby boxing champ trash-talked his way into a co-headling bout against an MMA legend, and got choked out before he was able to land a single punch. This marks the first time in eleven years that the Giant Silva Award hasn’t been granted to a fight held in Japan.
Also receiving votes this year: Herschel Walker vs. Greg Nagy

The Wanderlei Silva Unintentionally Homoerotic Smack Talk Award, known as "The Wandy" is presented each year to the fighter who, when trying to hype a fight, inadvertently makes reference to having gay sex with his (or her) opponent.
Winner: Josh Koscheck, for the utterly disturbing wild-eyed, tongue-waving description above of what he was planning to do to UFC welterweight champ Georges St-Pierre during this season of The Ultimate Fighter. 
Also receiving votes this year: Matt Horwich, for his cringeworthy rant about how he was going to Mike Tyson 10th Planet protagonist Renato Laranja.

The Natasha Wicks Memorial Best Female Newcomer Award, presented each year to the up-and-coming MMA ring girl — preferably blonde, as per the bylaws — who gets us to forget about Arianny Celeste and Brittney Palmer, if only for a moment.
Winner: Rhian Sugden, the stunning (and frequently-nude) star of the U.K.’s BAMMA promotion.
Also receiving votes this year: Kelli Hutcherson, Stephanie Ann Cook, Brittany Ward, Melissa Jo

("COME AT ME, BRO!")

Happy Thanksgiving, Potato Nation! If you’re reading this right now, you should probably consider disconnecting from the Internet and spending time with your family. If you came here to escape those horrible people, brother we can relate. (*Pours another glass of scotch*) Let us know what you’re thankful for in the comments section, and keep up-to-date with this grab-bag of UFC headlines…

– Replacing the unfortunately injured Jose Aldo at UFC 125 against Josh Grispi will be Dustin Poirier, an 8-1 featherweight prospect who just knocked out Zach Micklewright in 53 seconds earlier this month at WEC 52: Faber vs. Mizugaki. Chris Leben vs. Brian Stann will now be the event’s co-headliner, in support of the Frankie Edgar vs. Gray Maynard lightweight title fight.

– Coming off an ugly knockout loss against George Roop at WEC 51, "The Korean Zombie" Chan Sung Jung has his win-or-go-home fight booked, as he’ll be taking on Rani Yahya at Fight for the Troops 2 on January 22nd. It’ll be the only fight on the card where you won’t be able to chant "U!S!A!" in support of at least one of the fighters. Expect a lot of fans in the arena to make trips to the bathroom.