(“…unless it’s on short notice, in which case I’ll have to decline because it would be the worst decision of my career.” Pic Props: No Holds Barred)

By Jason Moles

The Ultimate Fighting Championship recently held its own version of Dana White’s “blocking spree,” as the official roster has been narrowed quite noticeably, leaving many to seek employment elsewhere. Over the past few weeks, a handful of fighters received their pink slips for refusing to take a fight on short notice, losing a fight taken on short notice, missing weight, and flat-out sucking. Although it’s been quite a while since we last did this, we feel it only necessary at this point in time to offer a few suggestions to the latest Zuffa casualties.

Dennis Hallman: If there’s one thing we’ll remember about Hallman, it’s his appearance in the Octagon wearing nothing but a Speedo and the gloves on his hands. The aging veteran (he’ll turn 37 in December) still has a few years before he’s eligible to receive those social security checks and will need to find a new gig to line his wallet. The timing couldn’t be better, really; as it turns out, Speedo needs a new PR guy. And to think you thought I was just grabbing low-hanging fruit. Psssh! Having a former UFC fighter with over 65 fights pushing your product will definitely put Speedo back on the map. He’ll tell consumers about the extra attention and unique propositions you’ll undoubtedly receive because of the confidence you exude. If he plays his cards right, maybe someone will pay him to just go away.

(Oh Michael, I just miss the days of one UFC event a month is all.) 

As BG previously lamented, it’s been kind of a depressing week in MMA news (or in his case, year). Stefan Struve tearfully discussed his father’s recent cancer diagnosis, there was a slew of firings, a once great show continued it’s downward spiral into irrelevance, and the injury curse of 2012 made sure to pop in and remind us that it was still around.

But it is always darkest before the dawn, Potato Nation. So sayeth Two-Face.

Because through all of the depressing doom and gloom reporting we brought you guys this week, you kept your heads up. You stood tall and proud. Hell, you even had the intestinal fortitude to mock others’ misfortune like we taught you to. So with our faith restored, we are proud to bring back the Comment of the Week today so at least one of you can be rewarded for your ruthless, blackened souls.

Listed after the jump are the comments that gave us some much needed laughs this week, along with a poll for you to vote on your favorite. The winner will receive one of our classic “We Pull No Punches” shirts, but make sure to submit your designs for our next t-shirt contest, as we plan on giving a bunch away in the near future.

And the nominees are…

(Noke had carefully selected his training partners to mimic how Brenneman would look on fight night. / Photo via neurovisual)

In the space of two fights, UFC welterweight Charlie Brenneman went from co-headliner to curtain-jerker. So where do you go next if you get TKO’d in 45 seconds by a non-contender on the Facebook portion of a card? The unemployment line, son. Don’t let the door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya.

That’s right, Brenneman has been released by the UFC after taking his second consecutive first-round stoppage loss to Kyle Noke at UFC 152, which followed his submission loss to Erick Silva at UFC on FX: Johnson vs. McCall in June. With his most recent loss, “The Spaniard”‘s overall UFC record dropped to 4-4, including decision wins over Jason High, Amilcar Alves, Rick Story, and Daniel Roberts, and previous TKO losses to Johny Hendricks, and Anthony Johnson. In other words, his victories were mostly forgettable, but his losses were all highlight-reel material. Not a good look.

Brenneman was disppointed but hopeful after getting the news, telling Bloody Elbow’s Steph Daniels:

(“Now, Demian! Use the muscle-spasm death touch that I taught you!”)

Demian Maia‘s welterweight debut at UFC 148 was over before it really began, thanks to a poorly timed muscle spasm suffered by Dong Hyun Kim. But the former middleweight title contender will be getting another chance to make an impression against Rick Story. Their bout is scheduled to take place at UFC 153 (October 13th, Rio de Janeiro), a card that is quickly stacking up with top Brazilian talent. Story recently outpointed newcomer Brock Jardine at UFC on FX: Maynard vs. Guida, which snapped a two-fight losing streak against Charlie Brenneman and Martin Kampmann.

Speaking of Brenneman, “The Spaniard” has booked his return fight after being choked out by Erick Silva in June. He’ll be appearing at UFC 151: Jones vs. Henderson (September 1st, Las Vegas) against TUF 11 competitor — and former Crocodile Hunter bodyguard — Kyle Noke, who is coming off of two losses at middleweight and will be making his welterweight debut.

In other booking news…

(Highlights from the Silva-Brenneman bout, courtesy of Fox Sports)

Six hours of free televised fights seems like a gift from Zod, unless of course the first three hours suck. A few plodding decisions, amateur officiating, a never-ending commercial loop, and the requisite botched score cards marred the prelim bouts on Fuel. It was enough to stifle what little hope some had for the rest of the evening.

But for those who flipped the channel to FX still harboring the post-prelim blues, undercard openers Scott Jorgensen and Eddie Wineland took little time to erase any ill will and set the stage for an exciting night of action. After settling into the bout, Wineland began finding a home for his hands, sitting “Young Guns” down with a sharp jab. He’d plant Jorgesen on his back briefly with a trip before landing several more blows to close out the first frame. Having had his fill of leather in round one, Jorgensen turned it on in the second frame, hustling for takedowns and opening up a hatchet wound over Wineland’s eye with a glancing knee. But the extra effort and billowing blood only brought out the fire in Wineland, who stuffed several shots while looking for the knockout. He’d find it at the end of a big right hand uncorked in the last minute of the second round. Jorgensen was stunned as he hit the floor, unable to defend himself from the final blows Wineland rained down as the ref stepped in to wave him off. Wineland’s win reversed a two fight skid against two top opponents; now Jorgensen has his own pair of losses to shake off. The extra cash from the “Fight of the Night” bonus should make that task a little easier.

For some reason, “IT’S CHARLIE TIME!” just didn’t have the same ring to it. Care to guess who deserves credit for this image?

The main card of the UFC’s third card on FX is almost upon us, and we’re sure that you’re almost just as interested as we are. But don’t let the lack of big men and big names get you down- we still have some interesting fights on our hands. Eddie Wineland battles Scott Jorgensen for bantamweight relevance, Josh Neer looks to maintain his momentum in the welterweight division against Mike Pyle, Erick Silva looks to establish himself as The Next Next Big Thing against Charlie Brenneman and Ian McCall meets Demetrious Johnson in The Most Anticipated Rematch of the Night to determine who advances in the UFC’s Flyweight tournament.

Okay, so on paper it’s nothing to write home about. But it’s free fights on a Friday night, okay? Look, we know you don’t have plans or anything, so stop pretending to be Mr. Popular and join us after the jump for round-by-round results and commentary. Handling tonight’s action will be Seth Falvo, who promises that there will be no more obscure professional wrestling references this evening. Please stand by.

(Wait, now I’m fighting who?) 

Maybe it’s because we’ve been burned many, many times before, but we’re not exactly sold on Dana White’s recent claims that the upcoming TUF 15 Finale headlining match between Martin Kampmann and Jake Ellenberger will be for the next title shot. You see, “number one contender” is a term that is so loosely used and abused by the Zuffa brass these days that it might as well be Rampage Jackson.

But be that as it may, a press release sent out by the UFC this morning, quoting the almighty DW nonetheless, has stated that the victor of Kampmann/Ellenberger will indeed get the winner of Condit/GSP, whenever the hell that happens:

The welterweight division is stacked and Jake Ellenberger and Martin Kampmann are going to fight for the chance to earn a title shot. They will headline the season finale of TUF Live on FX to crown the next Ultimate Fighter. There’s a lot at stake for the guys competing on this card at the Palms.

You see how they did that? “For the chance to earn a title shot,” is about as brilliant a non-commitment as we’ve ever seen. Dan Henderson would be impressed by such a classic Dana White misdirection, and would undoubtedly have a better response than the one you are about to read. But if you feel tricked, hoodwinked, or even bamboozled by such a statement, then you’re not alone. We’re not going to take it anymore, and are calling shenanigans on this right now before things get out of hand. Here’s why.

Guillard choking, in every sense of the word. (Photo: UFC.com)

While the ‘UFC on FX’ debut may have lacked the big names of UFC 142, the fights themselves packed just as much fire-power. For the second straight week, six fighters were able to put away their opponent and double their earnings in less than a round. Punches, chokes, and a torrent of brutal hellbows were all used to send grown men into la-la land, and we’ve got the GIF’s to prove it.

(Thanks to Zombie Prophet for the GIFs)

(Roop: seen here enforcing the theory that a straight shot to the head will kill any zombie.) 

Looking to rebound from his controversial decision loss to Hatsu Hioki at UFC 137, featherweight contender and TUF 8 alum George Roop has recently agreed to face Cub Swanson at UFC on Fox 2. Prior to the Hikoi loss, Roop scored a brilliant thrid round TKO over Josh Grispi at the TUF 13 Finale in June. Swanson, on the other hand, is coming off a less-than-controversial second round submission via arm triangle choke to Ricardo Lamas in his UFC debut at UFC on Fox 1. The Team Jackson product has dropped three of his last five and should need a win here if he wants to continue fighting under the Zuffa banner.

Fun fact: Roop hasn’t put together a win streak since 2007 and has gone loss-win in his past 9 bouts (excluding a draw with Leonard Garcia), so pure logic dictates that he will emerge victorious from this one. You can’t argue with that science, Potato Nation.

( The Millers and the toughest fighter in the family, Danny Jr.)

If you’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting Dan Miller, you’d know that he is one of the nicest and most accommodating fighters on the UFC roster. What many of you may not know is that Dan and his wife Kristin have been on a rollercoaster the past two years, having lost their daughter Alexis shortly after she was born and learning soon after that their infant son, Danny Jr. has a rare, and often fatal disorder known as autosomal recessive polycystic kidney disease.

Danny is on daily dialysis and is awaiting  a kidney transplant from his aunt as his are more than triple the size that they should be and are filled with cysts. The surgery will allow Danny to live a much more normal life, but the procedure and aftercare are not cheap. His medication after the operation, the Millers were told by Danny’s specialist, will cost upwards of $10,000 per month, and will only be partially covered by their insurance provider. To top it all off, only part of his operation will be covered by their HMO.

By Jason Moles

Over the last 18 months, we’ve been lucky enough to get six live fight cards on Versus, completely free of charge. This past Saturday marked the end of Versus’s run as the “home away from home” for the UFC on basic cable. Not to worry, though: More free, live fights will be coming your way soon on FOX, FX, and Fuel TV. We thought we’d take a look back at the best of the best from the “UFC Live” series, but first, here’s how those sixty-five fights were decided: 24 (T)KOs, 15 Submissions, 23 Judges Decision, 2 Doctor Stoppages, and 1 No Contest.

Now let’s hand out some hardware, shall we?

Biggest Upset: Charlie Brenneman Beating Rick Story

After weeks of height-related gags, Struve still wasn’t done rubbing his length advantage in Barry’s face. (Photo: Tracy Lee via Yahoo Sports!)

Sandwiched between two marquee UFC cards, last night’s UFC Live flew under the promotional radar. It’s understandable that Zuffa would focus more on two stacked pay per view cards than a Versus broadcast, but in a time when fights are hyped for months only to fall short when the bell rings, it’s rare to see a card that delivers so much action from Facebook to the main event. Add to the mix that there was gold on the line and the lack of promotion for this event is borderline criminal. Only two fights on the card were decided by the judges—though just as many were decided by the referees—and either of them could have earned FOTN honors. We’ve got a lot to cover, so hunker down.

First off, I’d like to welcome back an old friend. Elbows, we’d nearly forgotten about you, but last night you were ushered back into society like the queen of a violent debutant ball. Bored with simply working on teeth, “The Dentist” performed a full-facial extraction via elbow on Keith Wisniewski during the Facebook broadcast. Cut stoppages aren’t my favorite, but these ‘bows we’re seeing from the clinch are brutal, damage inflicting blows that you’ve got to stop before they stop you, and I like them. Speaking of which…

(Damn. Mandy Moore is looking *rough*. / UFC 135 crowd gif via caposa)

- What’s Next for UFC 135′s Winners and Losers? (NBC Sports MMA)

- Exclusive: Paul Daley Discusses Beef With BAMMA and His Desire to Return to the UFC (BleacherReport.com/MMA)

- Here’s That Strange and Awkward Moment From Last Weekend’s Strikeforce Challengers (MiddleEasy)

- EliteXC’s Gary Shaw Tried To Sign Fedor Emelianenko, But Wouldn’t Meet M-1 Global’s Demands (MMA Convert)

- Chuck Liddell Talks Retirement, FOX Deal and ‘Hawaii Five-O’ Cameo (MMA Fighting)

- Save the Day: MMAMania Interview Exclusive With Demetrious Johnson (MMA Mania)

- ‘UFC 135: Jones vs. Rampage’ Exclusive Photo Gallery (TheFightNerd)

- Jeff Monson Asks Pat Miletich, “How Can You Not Consider America a Terror Organization?” (FightOpinion)

- Charlie Brenneman: I Have Everything I’ve Ever Wanted Within My Grasp [Exclusive] (LowKick)

- Vitor Belfort Interested in December Dance Against Winner of Sonnen/Stann (Five Ounces of Pain)

- Dominick Cruz Lives Cheap, Enjoys Cruising in a Honda Civic (5th Round)

- UFC 135: Payout Perspective (MMA Payout)

As the dust settles from UFC 135, some of us out there must be itching to bet on fights that will not make us look like fools if we are wrong. Lucky for us, redemption lies around the corner, because this Saturday UFC Live: Cruz vs. Johnson goes down, and the odds are a hell of a lot closer than what we’re used to. Check out the fight odds below, then see if you can stomach our suggestions.

Main Card (courtesy of Best Fight Odds)
Dominick Cruz (-440) vs. Demetrious Johnson (+350)
Anthony Johnson (-180) vs. Charlie Brenneman (+158)
Matt Wiman (-210) vs. Mac Danzig (+175)
Pat Barry (-185) vs. Stefan Struve (+160)

Undercard (Courtesy of MMAValor)
Yves Edwards (-120) vs. Rafaello Oliveira (-120)
Michael Johnson (-240) vs. Paul Sass (+180)
Mike Easton (-130) vs. Jeff Hougland (even)
Shane Roller (-130) vs. T.J. Grant (even)
Josh Neer (-120) vs. Keith Wisniewski (-120)
Joseph Sandoval (-150) vs. Walel Watson (+120)

Not content with merely adding fights to their roster this weekend, the UFC has added an entire event to its lineup. Welterweights Charlie Brenneman and Anthony Johnson have signed to duke it out on October 1st. Joining them on the card will be the very necessary rematch between Matt Wiman and Mac Danzig.

Brenneman was the only real winner of the sordid Marquardt TRT saga last month. “The Spaniard” snuck onto the UFC Live 4 card the day before the event, when Marquardt was pulled from his match with Rick Story due to unacceptably elevated testosterone levels. Brenneman had been toiling away on the undercard prior to scoring the upset victory over Story. Anthony Johnson was originally slated to take on Marquardt in that bout, but he was sidelined by rotator cuff injury. After a long injury lay-off, Rumble returned to action last March with a win over Dan Hardy.

A bit about Wiman-Danzig, and more details of the event, are after the jump.

Seems like you should be able to predict the fight based on the shorts alone. PicProps: MMAJunkie

It happens everytime. You write off a UFC card as uninteresting and decide to paint along with Bob Ross (or whatever it is you do with your personal time), and the fighters get wind of it and take your lack of interest personally.

They get in to the Octagon and perform stupifying acts of athleticism and heartitude, Dana White gets a huge boner at the press conference, and now you have to read recaps and watch GIFs to catch up on the action. Sucks to be you, we guess.

Frankly, you need to be making better choices in your life — you cannot paint those happy little clouds and friendly little mountains like Bob Ross — no one can. Frodog himself couldn’t even paint like that; all of Bob Ross’s shows were actually produced by Industrial Light and Magic. There, the secret is out, and we can die in peace.

For those dedicated souls that tuned in, hey wow, how about that show, huh? Like you, we had some thoughts during the fights, and unlike you, we wrote some of these thoughts down during and after the fights. Come on in and let us tell you how you’re feeling right now.

All hail Zombie Prophet!

FACT: At some point tonight, someone will refer to this man as “Kongo Slice”, and consider him/herself incredibly clever for doing so. Props: MMAJunkie.com.

The UFC will be holding its fourth installment of live MMA on Versus Network tonight at the Consol Energy Center in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, headlined by Nate Marquardt versus Anthony “Rumble” Johnson Pat Barry versus Cheick Kongo. Eh, what are you going to do? Plus, Rick Story and Charlie Brenneman battle for welterweight contendership, Matt Brown and John Howard more than likely fight for their jobs and Matt Mitrione squares off with Christian Morecraft.

The prelims are currently happening on Facebook now, so why not check them out? We’ll be here when you get back with live updates starting at 9 PM, ET. And yes, we know you’ll be back. It’s a Sunday night, now’s not the time to start acting like you have other plans. Refresh this page every few minutes for the latest results.

Breaking sports news video. MLB, NFL, NBA, NHL highlights and more.

While we all wildly speculate what exactly caused Nate Marquardt to be pulled from tonight’s card and ejected from the UFC, we can likely eliminate one potential reason. As seen in the NBC Sports video above, the weight cut looked extremely smooth for Marquardt as he made his first drop down to welterweight. Incidentally, his replacement Charlie Brenneman says that he was notified Friday that he may be stepping in to take on Story.

Perhaps the cutting of Marquardt reminded the rest of tonight’s cast just how fickle a UFC career can be, but something seemed to light a fire under the asses of several fighters at yesterday’s weigh-ins. Weigh-in results and videos of tense staredowns await you after the jump.

(Video courtesy of YouTube/CharlieSpaniard)

UFC  welterweight Charlie Brenneman decided to video blog from the Zuffa Fighter Summit the past couple of days to give us mortals a glimpse of what goes on behind closed doors at this yearly meeting of extraordinary gentlemen and gentlewomen.

In the clip above UFC president Dana White opines about his bitter nemeses — the much maligned “so called MMA media,” offers suggestions on how to make money after retirement and recommends that his employees embrace social media as a free tool to increase their star power.

And if neither pulled out? My God what a beautiful baby!

The fight cards for UFC 130 and UFC on Versus 4 are undergoing some minor renovations. It was announced yesterday that both Matt Riddle and Cody McKenzie have sustained injuries forcing them from their respective bouts.

(Props: Genghis Con)

Tonight’s UFC Fight Night card will feature three fresh prospects trying to make their names and one MMA legend — all of whom will be competing in the UFC for the first time in their careers. Which ones will rise to the challenge, and which ones will succumb to Octagon jitters and dangerous opponents? Get to know them below and let us know what you think…

TAKANORI GOMI (LW)
Experience: 31-5-0 record w/1 no-contest, with multiple appearances in PRIDE, Shooto, and Sengoku. Notable victories over Tatsuya Kawajiri, Hayato Sakurai, Jens Pulver, and Mitsuhiro Ishida. Most recently won a unanimous decision over Tony Hervey at Vale Tudo Japan 2009 last October.
Will be fighting: Kenny Florian (12-4, 10-3 UFC)
Lowdown: Only the noobiest of TUF noobs would need an introduction to the Fireball Kid, who has already secured his place as one of the greatest lightweight fighters of all time. A legendary former champion in both PRIDE and Shooto, Gomi unfortunately hasn’t looked the same since his gogoplata loss/marijuana no-contest against Nick Diaz in February 2007, as he’s suffered a couple of surprising defeats and struggled to put away opponents that he would have smashed in his prime. Though he vows to "create a ruckus" in the UFC, this bit of info is somewhat troubling: "I don’t have a cage in my gym, but I understand that the cage can either be used for me or be used against me. I’ll try not to think about the cage too much as I fight in it.” He’ll also need to adjust to elbow strikes on the ground, something he hasn’t had to deal with in Japan — which could become a painful factor against Ken-Flo.