(Fun fact: Nogueira’s body is composed mainly of replacement parts from grave-robbed corpses.)

UFC 149 (July 21st, Calgary) is picking up some heavyweight muscle in the form of Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira vs. Cheick Kongo. The Calgary Sun first reported the matchup, adding that the event will likely be headlined by the Jon Jones vs. Dan Henderson light-heavyweight title fight.

Big Nog is coming off his gruesome kimura loss to Frank Mir at UFC 140 in December, a defeat that had many fans and pundits pleading for the legend’s retirement. Following that fight, Nogueira said he expected to return within nine months. Just seven months later, he’ll be taking one more kick at the cat against a tough striker in Kongo, who ate a first-round TKO loss against Mark Hunt in his last outing. Still, you can’t count either of these guys out (see: Nog vs. Schaub, Kongo vs. Barry). Are you happy to see Nogueira back in the Octagon? And who do you think will be left standing?

In other booking news…

(Etim and Lauzon, seen here demonstrating the Tomax and Xamot effect.) 

Two lightweights will be looking to bounce back from horrific, nightmare-inducing losses and vie for the love of their malnourished alien overlord when Joe Lauzon takes on Terry Etim at UFC on Fox 4, which goes down on August 4th from the Staples Center in Los Angeles, California.

The last time we saw Etim in action, he fell victim to, and in fact helped spawn the idea behind, the “Falling Tree” knockout, when he was leveled via a spinning heel-kick compliments of Edson Barboza at UFC 142. The fight was only Etim’s second in as many years, as he spent most of the 2010-2011 season nursing a rib injury that forced him out of a match with, you guessed it, Joe Lauzon, at UFC 118. He was replaced by Gabe Rudiger for that event, and we all know how that ended up. Etim finally made his return at UFC 138 in England, where he submitted Edward Faaloloto with a guillotine in just 16 seconds. The victory earned Etim his fourth “Submission of the Night” award in his ten fight career under the Zuffa banner.

Lauzon is also coming off a devastating head kick KO loss– his coming against top lightweight contender Anthony Pettis in their main card scrap at UFC 144. Prior to that, Lauzon had put together a two fight win streak over Kurt Warburton (via kimura) at UFC Live: Kongo vs. Barry and Melvin Guillard (via rear-naked choke) at UFC 136. Lauzon has never lost two in a row in his UFC career, and Etim hasn’t since dropping back-to-back contests to Gleison Tibau and Rich Clementi at UFC 75 and 84, respectively.

I feel compelled to reiterate that the similarities between these two is nothing short of suspect. Both are coming off head kick knockout losses, both are SOTN savants, and both look like the offspring of Christopher Walken and a hairless Aye-Aye. Could it be that these two were separated at birth, destined to fight for the right to rule all of mankind somewhere down the road? Or are these mere coincidences? I suppose it all really depends on which type of person you are.

While you take a moment to reconsider everything your futile religion taught you to believe, join us after the jump for more fight booking news…

By now, you know the deal when it comes to Dana White’s videoblogs, and today’s “episode” is no different. Taking a behind-the-scenes look at the aftermath of the UFC’s second Fox event, the UFC 143 videoblog contains the familiar mix of upper and downer moments, with an emphasis on the downer. Especially tough to watch is Joey Beltran’s realization that his Zuffa career may have reached a temporary standstill in the wake of his first round KO loss to Lavar Johnson. Keep your chin up, “Mexicutioner.”

Let’s get right to the highlights.

(0:45) - Jon Jones, seen here for the last time before disappearing into a thicket of notes from which he has yet to emerge.

(1:22) – God damn it, will someone give Beltran a hug and tell him that everything is going to be alright?

(1:40) – Eric Wisely, still in awe of the calf-slicer Charles Oliveira was able to pull on him. The pain was apparently so incredible that Wisely has trouble explaining to the backstage physician where exactly the strain was.

(2:48) – Jon Jones explains how Cub Swanson is one of the “nastiest dudes” on Team Jackson. He makes a good point.

(Little did Eric Wisely know just how quickly a game of Twister could spiral out of control when he spun “left foot blue.”) 

Simply put, Saturday’s second UFC on Fox event saw its fair share of ups and downs. Chris Weidman was able to score the biggest win of his career over Demian Maia on just 11 days notice (which leads us to believe that the Vegas bookies knew something about Maia the rest of the world didn’t), and both Rashad Evans and Chael Sonnen managed to punch their tickets to a title shot against the men they despise the most. And though the future is set for two contenders, the fates of many still remain unsure. That’s why we are here to right the ship that misplaced NFL theme music and Jon Jones’ “commentary” threatened to sink. So join us as we determine the best match-ups for last weekend’s biggest winners and losers.

Phil Davis: Although he started off strong (or at least held his own) in the striking department in the early going, the championship rounds saw Davis overwhelmed by “Suga’s” speed and stamina, content to throw weak, pawing jabs that were anything but wonderful. My older brother, who is by no means a huge MMA fan, summed it up best when he said, “What does he expect to accomplish with that kind of offense?” Davis undoubtedly has a bright future ahead, but needs to round out his game a little more before he takes on a top contender like Evans again. Matching him up against the resurgent Stephan Bonnar, or, depending on how he fares against Rampage Jackson, Ryan Bader would make sense. Forrest Griffin is also a big light heavyweight coming off a loss, so that could make for a great fight as well.

Swanson vs. Roop provided an early candidate for Side-Punchface of the Year. Props: UFC.com

Remember how last night, you invited your non-MMA fan friends over to introduce them to our sport? You spent the past week talking about how Chael Sonnen is one of the best trash talkers in professional sports, and how technical and talented these fighters were. You figured that after three fights that were guaranteed to be exceptional, your friends would be won over to MMA fandom. Then you’d continue to drink and be merry all night, and we’d all meet up here today for our traditional post-UFC event GIF party where we all high five over how awesome the fights were.

Well, it didn’t quite work out that way. Instead, you found yourself doing damage control as you watched three fights worth of sloppy brawling, wall and stall and Chael Sonnen’s blatant swaggerjacking of homage to “Superstar” Billy Graham. You tried to convince them that the fights are usually nothing like this, and that these guys gassing out and the end of the first round are world class athletes. Eventually, one of your friends said “I bet Pacquiao would destroy ANY of these guys” as the rest of your friends grabbed their coats and said they’d call you next time they wanted to watch the fights.

Okay, so last night sucked. But we’ve been planning this party all week, and we’ll be damned if we cancel it at this point. So grab an alcoholic beverage, put on your gaudiest Affliction shirt and join us for our traditional post-UFC event GIF Party.

As always, praise be to Zombie Prophet at IronForgesIron.com for the GIFS.

Totally illegal in NCAA competition. (Photo: UFC.com)

“It’s usually not like this.” With that text I found myself apologizing to a UFC-virgin for the first time in a long time. My friend had just told me that she was at home watching the the show on FOX, without any provocation from me mind you. “This is that fighting you like, right???”. I assured her that the event had yet to capture the energy and excitement indicative of the sport. “I’m going back and forth between this and figure skating,” she replied. I can’t really say I blame her, either.

While we expected plenty of grappling in the bouts themselves, the wrestling theme seemed to carry on throughout the production at large. The usually-charismatic Jon Jones wrestled with his notes, relying on them not just for in-depth fight analysis but for simple things like his thoughts on fighting Rashad. The opening act wrestled with fatigue, leading to a performance as exhausting for fans as it was for the competitors in the cage. And once again, FOX wrestled with an underwhelming broadcast that left the most exciting action behind in the prelims.

Enough belly aching about the show itself, let’s take a look at what made such a promising event so forgettable for the masses.

“Is it too soon to talk about Sandusky, or should I wait ten years, like Paterno?” Props: MMAJunkie.com

“The House that Jordan Built” is sold out for the UFC’s return to Fox, which features three times as many televised fights as its Fox debut. Can Chris Weidman make a name for himself against Demian Maia? Will Chael Sonnen challenge Anderson Silva to a casket match after tonight’s fight? Does Phil Davis establish himself as a contender at light-heavyweight, or does Rashad Evans set himself up to get overlooked for yet another title shot? We’ll answer all this and more as it unfolds.

Handling liveblogging duties tonight is Seth Falvo, who will be watching the event with some old friends. Please direct all complaints about spelling and grammar, comments about the liveblogger’s sexual preference and unrelated conspiracy theories directly at him. Spoilers after the jump.

(Rashad Evans: He’ll put those hands on you worse than…well, you know. / Photo via MMAFighting.com)

The UFC returns to FOX this Saturday with a three-fight main card that could produce the next title contenders in two different divisions. It’s also packed with betting opportunities that will generously reward the risk-takers. And you’re not a chicken, are you? Huh? Bawk bawk bawwwwwk?? Yeah, that’s what we thought. So consider our UFC on FOX 2: Evans vs. Davis gambling advice after the jump, and be sure to come back for our liveblog, which kicks off at 8 p.m. ET/5 p.m. PT. But first, the complete odds lineup, via BestFightOdds.com:

MAIN CARD (FOX)
Rashad Evans (-165) vs. Phil Davis (+175)
Chael Sonnen (-400) vs. Michael Bisping (+394)
Chris Weidman (-140) vs. Demian Maia (+128)

PRELIMINARY CARD (FUEL TV)
Evan Dunham (-314) vs. Nik Lentz (+300)
Shane Roller (-218) vs. Michael Johnson (+200)
Mike Russow (-150) vs. Jon Olav Einemo (+152)
Cub Swanson (-136) vs. George Roop (+125)
Charles Oliveira (-458) vs. Eric Wisely (+400)
Joey Beltran (-204) vs. Lavar Johnson (+183)

PRELIMINARY CARD (FACEBOOK.com/UFC)
Chris Camozzi (-170) vs. Dustin Jacoby (+160)

Let’s get started…

(You’ve given us a lot to think about, weird yoga girl. Props: EpicTunaMan via Fightlinker)

Some selected highlights from our friends around the MMA blogosphere…

- Chris Weidman to Face Demian Maia at UFC on FOX 2 (MMA Fighting)

- MiddleEasy.com Is Against SOPA/PIPA (MiddleEasy)

- Kenny Florian to Provide Color Commentary for UFC’s Second Team (5th Round)

- Big Bang: Duane Ludwig UFC on FX Interview Exclusive (MMA Mania)

- Prince of Persia: Kamal Shalorus talks UFC on FX 1 (Exclusive) (Lowkick.Blitzcorner.com)

- First Look at ‘UFC Undisputed 3′ Video Game — Videos & Photos Dump (The Fight Nerd)

- What Did the Fighters Do After UFC 1? (BleacherReport.com/MMA)

- Jim Miller on Melvin Guillard: ‘I’m a Fan of the Way He Fights’ (FightLine)

- DREAM and ProElite Announce New Partnership (Five Ounces of Pain)

- Georges St. Pierre Would Rather Fight Nick Diaz Than Carlos Condit (MMA Convert)

- WWE Head Nixes Punk-Sonnen Entrance (MMA Payout)

- Zuffa’s IQ Test (Fight Opinion)

From TheFightNerd:

“This Sunday marks the ten-year anniversary of the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. The way America looked at itself was altered immensely on that date, and a decade later the world is a very different place. Memories of panic and uncertainty are still present, but the urge to keep moving forward is even stronger. In remembrance of this anniversary, TheFightNerd.com, has released an exclusive short-film that commemorates this event alongside the New York MMA community. ‘A Fighting Spirit’ is a video memoir that interviews members of the NY martial arts community and discusses where they were when the Towers collapsed, how they have coped, and how New York and America have grown stronger.

Directed by Kahleem Poole-Tejada (director of the full-length documentary ‘New York MMA’) and produced by Matthew Kaplowitz (Editor-in-Chief of TheFightNerd.com) in association with Ranger Up, the film takes viewers around a tour of downtown Manhattan and provides a glimpse inside several of New York City’s top MMA gyms. It features many NY-based fighters, such as Renzo Gracie, Chris Weidman, Pete ‘Drago’ Sell, and Vitor ‘Shaolin’ Ribeiro, as well as Stephen Koepfer of NY Combat Sambo, Mark Yehia of ‘Elite Plus MMA,’ Rob Constance of ‘The Renzo Gracie Academy’ and President of the ‘Ultimate Absolute’ grappling tournament, and Emilio Novoa, President of ADCC North America. Also appearing is UFC middleweight fighter Jorge Rivera, as well as Strikeforce middleweight Tim Kennedy, who adds the voices of members of the U.S. Armed Forces to this emotional piece.”

As a New York resident since August 2002, the ten-year anniversary of 9/11 has put me in a reflective mood all week. Maybe you feel the same. If you have any recollections or tributes to share from that day, please leave them in the comments section. Here, I’ll start…

(The UFC is calling this ‘a potential Fight of the Night’)

A welterweight scrap between Martin Kampmann and Rick Story has been added to UFC 139, which is scheduled for November 19 at the HP Pavilion in San Jose, California.

The UFC announced the bout Wednesday.

You tell us who looks more “All American”, Mr. Weidman. (Pics: JustinTrapp.com, SBRForum.com)

There may not be an event this weekend, but that doesn’t mean the boys behind the scenes at Zuffa aren’t working hard. Fights have been announced this weekend at a furious pace, and there seems to be no end in sight. Let’s hope Joe Silva’s getting some of that “Anderson Silva money”. Without further ado:

The UFC Fight Night 25 card is starting to flesh out. Lightweight Evan Dunham will take on recent TUF graduate Shamar Bailey. Dunham was last seen being picked up off the canvas following a brutal TKO loss to Melvin Guillard at Fight for the Troops 2. His prior controversial split decision loss to Sean Sherk was tallied as a victory by the only person that really matters, so his back isn’t exactly against the wall here. As for Bailey, he failed to make it to the finals of The Ultimate Fighter 13 despite being a hands on favorite to take the trophy, but he did win a plodding, uninspiring decision over Ryan McGillivray at the finale. Bailey needs to show that he’s got more in his arsenal than world-class smothering.

Still here? More announcements are after the jump!

(Since this sculpture seemed to be a major talking point…)

Minoru Suzuki was born 43 years ago.

Why he matters: One of the co-founders of Pancrase — the pre-cursor to the UFC — Suzuki was of the best Japanese submission specialists of his era. He holds wins over Ken Shamrock, Vernon White, Matt Hume and Guy Mezger and Maurice Smith. A former Olympic alternate freestyle wrestler for Japan and former Japanese freestyle wrestling national champion, Suzuki retired from MMA competition in 2002 with a record of 27-20 to focus on professional wrestling, in which he is still active today.

(Video courtesy of YouTube/MrDartzero)

Many MMA luminaries from Bas Rutten and Ken Shamrock to Josh Barnett count Suzuki as one of THE best catch wrestlers the sport has ever known.

(Video courtesy of YouTube/scientificwrestling)

“Hands of Stone”? Yup, that sounds about right. (Pic: UFC.com)

There is so much to love about the UFC’s Fight Night Bonuses. Often times one of these rewards can double, triple, or even quadruple a fighter’s take home pay for the evening. They also serve as bounties for action, encouraging the knockouts, submissions, and exciting fights that we all enjoy. But I love them best for another reason altogether. They give Dana White the opportunity to do what he does best: wield his godlike power with impunity. That sword has two edges of course, one of which has cut us frequently, but when dolling out these bonuses we get to see the best of Dana White. There’s Dana the Vindictive, who snubbed Mir’s poor performance against Cro Cop by denying the night’s only KO a bonus; Dana the Fight Fan, who loves action packed bouts so much that sometimes he can’t bring himself to award only one “Fight of the Night” bonus; and Dana the Merciful, who sets right the grave injustices cast down from the judges table. It was this last Dana who reared his head last night, giving an “unofficial” bonus to Michihiro Omigawa, who lost a unanimous decision to Darren Elkins in the prelims. White felt that Omigawa clearly deserved the victory and awarded him his win bonus for his performance. This fight, particularly one judge scoring it 30-27 for Elkins, is sure to add more fuel to the firestorm that is MMA judging. And now, on to the $70k bonuses…

(“…and once I find that son-of-a-bitch who embalmed me, there’s gonna be hell to pay.” Image courtesy of ESPN)

Due to a torn MCL suffered in training, Ultimate Fighter 11 winner Court McGee has been forced to withdraw from his scheduled middleweight bout against Canadian prospect Jesse Bongfeldt at UFC 131: Lesnar vs. Dos Santos. McGee has been inactive since his submission victory over Ryan Jensen last October, and his current timetable for return is uncertain. Bongfeldt will likely remain on the Vancouver card against a replacement opponent. Update, 4:01 p.m. ET: Bongfeldt will now be facing Chris Weidman, the undefeated Serra-Longo Fight Team product (and former All-American wrestler) who scored a unanimous decision over Alessio Sakara in his Octagon debut last month at “Sanchez vs. Kampmann.”

According to reports, McGee injured his knee while training with the Cesar Gracie team, helping Jake Shields, Nick Diaz, and Gilbert Melendez prepare for their upcoming fights. (Damn it, why couldn’t it have been Chael?) So remember kids, EFX Performance bracelets may improve your balance and stamina, but they don’t make you impervious to knee injury…