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Worst Christmas Ever: The 15 Most Depressing UFC Items Currently Available at

(This is a Tank Abbott professional wrestling action figure produced and sold by the WWE. Spoiler alert: It is easily a much better Christmas present for the MMA fans in your life than ANYTHING on this list.)

By Seth Falvo

From ugly t-shirts to video games with comically deformed characters, MMA fans don’t exactly have a ton of half-decent options for Christmas presents. So it should probably go without saying that if you see that one of your presents is from tomorrow morning, you should just throw the damn thing in the trash without opening it. Trust me, whatever is inside of that box is a Christmas tragedy the likes of which would make Agatha Christie blush.

The UFC’s official shop is not only littered with exactly the ugly, trashy, tasteless merchandise that you’d expect to see the Eddie Justbleeds of the world own, but also some incredibly confusing, useless products that suggest that maybe the UFC isn’t fully comfortable catering to said Justbleeds. I mean, for a company whose fan base is constantly measuring its collective dick, you’d think they’d be selling things like a UFC Belt Sander instead of a hyper-masculine UFC Shoe Bag.

So it’s in that spirit that I’ll be ranking the fifteen most depressing UFC items that you can currently buy — or, likely, receive as a Christmas present tomorrow — from Two rules: Number one, only UFC and UFC Gym brand items are eligible for inclusion, because as much as I’d love to include this eyesore, I’m not nearly enough of a masochist to rank every last item that awful place has up for grabs. And number two: It isn’t enough for an item to simply be extremely ugly, pointless, overpriced, dated or just plain stupid. No, for an item to make this list, it has to be that magical brand of awfulness that actually makes you feel sad and empty upon seeing that people are being asked to pay money in order to own it. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s begin our trip to the Island of Misfit UFC Merchandise…


Merry ChristMMAs: A Photoshopped Tribute

(Props: TheUG. Click for larger version.)

From all of us to, to all you PotatoHeads around the Internet: Have a merry, merry Christmas! Did you get everything you wanted this year?


(Props: Strictly Shoops)

And while we’re here…


[VIDEO] Britney Palmer Celebrates the 12 Days of Christmas in Her Skivvies

(Don’t worry, Fido, we’re pissed we can’t hump her leg either.) 

Thanks to the athletic supplement brand Gamma Labs, my penis has officially never been more confused in its life. It’s like a nervous groundhog down there, unsure of whether or not we’ll have six more weeks of winter. And all in the name of Christmas.

Picture this scenario: Brittney Palmer is in your living room, counting down the 12 days of Christmas in red lingerie, preferably while you wait for her evil but equally hot doppelganger to arrive and help you pick out stocking stuffers together (BA-DUM-TSH!). Sounds awesome, right? Now picture that, as you’re about to lay this gorgeous piece of work down by the fireplace, she suddenly morphs into PETE FREAKING SELL, complete with two black eyes and a shitload of tinsel (and probably a cold cut combo somewhere in there). Then Shane Carwin shows up. Then Chuck Liddell. Then Joe Stevenson and an army of caroling children. And so on. And so forth. It is a hellish nightmare that I wouldn’t wish upon the dingus of my worst enemy, yet Gamma Labs has spawned forth this erectoral purgatory on us all seemingly as some sort of cruel holiday joke.

Video after the jump. 


Hot Potato: 11 Photos of MMA Gals Celebrating the Holidays

(Full gallery is after the jump)

You’re like family to us, Potato Nation, and after looking over your wishlist we knew just what to get you this year. True, we’ve given you a holiday-themed Hot Potato gallery before, but whether you’re a Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or Festivus kind of guy we doubt you’ll complain.


Gallery: Five Presents Under the Zuffa Tree This Year

(Looks like it’s been a fruitful year at UFC HQ.)

With Christmas almost here and with *some* remaining contacts at Zuffa who like us, we were able to snag a few photos using x-ray technology of what gifts a few UFC employees are getting this year. It’s amazing what apps you can get for your iPhone these days.

Anyway, at least we know that the recipients will be able to use these thoughtful token gifts.

Check the gallery out after the jump.


Christmas Link Dump

(It’s a Christmas miracle! Nah playa, it’s just a Jonathan Brookins video blog. Propers:

 – Told You So: K-1 standout Gokhan Saki says he’s headed to Strikeforce (Twitter)

– Tatsuya Kawajiri, Hiroyuki Takaya Pre-Dynamite!! open workout video (MMA Fighting)

– Cody McKenzie shows you around his "crib." (YouTube)

– Clay Guida talks Gomi (Yahoo)

– "Lesnar to Wrestlemania" rumors still alive and well (Bloody Elbow)

– Thiago Alves vs. Rick Story targeted for May. (MMA Weekly)

– Mike Brown ready to roll against Diego Nunes at UFC 125 (MMA Junkie)

– GSP wins Canadian athlete of the year (Heavy)

– What your favorite pro MMA fighters really do want for Christmas. (Sherdog)

– Top 10 Xmas videos to share with friends and family (Gawker)

– 25 sexy celebrity Santas. Don’t worry, they’re girls. (Made Men)

– How to survive the Zombie Christmas Apocalypse. (Break)

– Hot chick pickle eating contest! (Break)


Gina Carano Is in Love With Christmas, You Guys

Gina Carano Twitter photo
Gina Carano twitter Christmas
(Images courtesy of,

Gina Carano has been spending most of her time on a movie set lately, but she took a moment earlier today to make sure that everybody is in the holiday spirit. To be honest, I wasn’t until I saw that picture of Gina Carano. Now I’m ready to put some muhfuckin’ ornaments on a tree, y’feel me? Though Gina has kept quiet about her return to MMA, Scott Coker hopes to see her back in a Strikeforce cage next summer. In the meantime, we have enough MMA sex symbols to keep us busy


Christmas with the Coutures

(Here comes the pain, Whoville.)

Yeah, that’s Randy and Kim Couture enjoying the hell out of themselves at their Christmas costume party.  Combat Lifestyle was there and captured the magic in a photo album you really should take a look at. 

While there is absolutely no way I can go to sleep tonight without having a nightmare about Randy the Grinch up there, I do have to admire his willingness to go all out and his attention to detail.  Not only did he do the whiskers, he did the creepy long eyelashes too.  That’s a man who is committed to his costume.  We also gotta give respect to Shawn Tompkins, who nailed the "dick in a box" thing perfectly…


Top 10 Fights on My Christmas Wish List

(There may be only one man on earth who can make the Santa hat look cool.)

I don’t want much this holiday season.  Well, besides that Red Ryder BB Gun I ask for every year.  And a pony.  But there are some fights I’d like to see in 2009, and while I don’t think that mall Santa I tried to talk to is going to be any help (let’s just say it got heated and we both said some things we didn’t really mean), I’m holding out hope that the powers that be will hear my pleas and make some of these happen.  

Here’s my wish list of ten fights for 2009.  Some are very likely.  Some are just barely feasible.  But I tried to stay away from the downright impossible, hence the absence of Fedor vs. The Highlander.  Feel free to let me know all about what’s on your list in the comments section:

1. Anderson Silva vs. Georges St. Pierre: Whether GSP beats Penn or not (magic eight ball says, “all signs point to yes,”) this has the potential to be the UFC’s biggest superfight ever.  They have precious few opportunities to settle pound-for-pound debates, but this is their best shot.  If MMA becomes legal in New York this year, as it probably will, this fight could do a Jay-Z and sell out the Garden in a day.

2. B.J. Penn vs. Kenny Florian: Perhaps no fighter in the UFC has improved so much by sheer force of will as KenFlo.  Penn is the lightweight champ, and he deserves to be, which is why I really wish he’d stop chasing fights in other weight classes and set his sights on defending that title.  Winning a belt is great, but defending it is how you cement your status as a dominant champ.  Penn probably beats Florian in a tough fight, but there’s only one way to find out.

3. Fedor Emelianenko vs. Josh Barnett:
If he beats Arlovski, this is the only realistically possible bout for Fedor that would still be compelling.  I know they’re friends and all, but Affliction is starting to feel like a narrowing path leading only to this fight.  Hopefully all parties concerned – Affliction, Barnett, Fedor, Fedor’s management team – can hold it together long enough to make it happen.