(Sorry Nate, the Iceman has been doing the goofy-punch for years.)

It seems that the curse of Mauricio Rua extends past Shogun himself. MMARated brings us the disappointing news that Chuck Liddell recently sustained an injury and will not be fighting Rashad Evans in the main event of UFC 85 (June 7th, London); Liddell and Evans will supposedly face each other later in the summer. Liddell was originally supposed to fight Rua in UFC 85′s main event, but Rua ruptured his ACL and was replaced by Evans. No other information on Chuck’s condition is available at the moment.

Since UFC 85 doesn’t have a title fight attached to it — the other notable bouts on the card are a heavyweight match between Brandon Vera and Fabricio Werdum, and a welterweight bout between Marcus Davis and Mike Swick — Chuck’s injury represents a big loss for the event. If I was Dana White, I’d be calling Michael Bisping right now to see how his knees were doing. Not only is the Count a huge draw in his hometown, but he’s also two dominant wins away from being a credible opponent to Anderson Silva (from a marketing standpoint, at least). Unless they want the Spider on ice for the better part of a year, dreaming about boxing money, the UFC would be wise to arrange those fights for Bisping as soon as possible; and six weeks is about as soon as it gets. Nate Marquardt is already penciled in on the card to face Thales Leites. Why not poach him for an opponent?

In this new video released by Triumph United, the fighter known by his momma as Kevin Ferguson vents some frustration at “all these MMA fighters talkin’ shit about me,” and invites Chuck Liddell to come see him at Elite MMA, maybe set up a bareknuckle match, y’know, whatever. Also: James “The Colossal” Thompson is dead!

(Phil Baroni works to take down Kimbo Slice at Xtreme Couture.)

Dana White on a match between Kimbo Slice and Chuck Liddell:

“If he [Kimbo] fought anybody that mattered, I would book that tomorrow…The fact is, Kimbo’s not there yet. He would get destroyed. I heard he just got knocked out by Forrest Griffin last week in a sparring match after a kick to the head…I’d take him [Kimbo] absolutely seriously — but, again, he hasn’t beat anybody. In this sport, it’s all about ‘Who have you beat right now?” And he hasn’t beat anbody.” — Deadspin via FiveOunces

Quite a tune-change for White, who was previously dismissive of Kimbo’s potential. But with the Iceman’s last fight only 2-4 years away, the UFC prez may already be looking ahead to a final glorious cash-in for the Octagon’s most loyal star. If things continue to go well for Kimbo, he’ll have earned his respect among MMA purists by the time Liddell is ready to retire. Could Slice vs. Liddell headline UFC 127: The Clone Wars on New Year’s Eve 2011? We’ll go ahead and clear our schedule…

(“Hey, Ladies, where’s the fire?”)

At 38, The Iceman is talking about doing what scores of athletes in every sport have done before him: go into coaching after he’s done competing. Liddell has stated that he loves what he does — not sure if he meant getting drunk and groping chicks, or fighting — but he figures he’s got between 2-4 years left in the cage. The reality of age is starting to creep in and he’s got a plan for the future…or at least an idea of what he might do in retirement.

From The Sun:

“I definitely will be moving into coaching. I’ve got a couple of guys that have been training with me for a long time and they’ve helped me get to where I’m at today.

“So if nothing else I’ll be around for a few years helping them out with their careers.”

Well, at least he won’t be going into “acting” and polluting the already-polluted movie field, right?

“I hope I’ll be doing some movie work – I’ve had a couple of offers but trying to work it around a training regime is real hard to do and I haven’t been able to get anything I’ve really wanted to fit around my fight schedule.

“But If I can get something to fit in with my fight schedule, I might do it now but for we’ll see what happens.”

Shit.

And if you’re interested in some semi-related news, MMAJunkie recently had a sit-down with Chuck’s next opponent, the undefeated Rashad Evans. The fight will go down at UFC 85 on June 7th in London. Among the things discussed — a strategy to beat Chuck, training with Keith Jardine, and where the hell Evans feels he ranks among the UFC light heavies.

(Roger Huerta could be ending his fight-hiatus in August.)

Brief (but important) developments in the world of organized violence…

— MMAMadness has learned from a “very reliable source” that UFC lightweight Roger Huerta will return to the Octagon at UFC 87 (August 9th, Minneapolis), against a yet-unnamed opponent. Could this be related to Kenny Florian’s recent call-out of “El Matador”? If it’s not, Joe Silva can basically go eff himself.

— In his first TUF7 column for Fox Sports, Forrest Griffin reveals that all the fighters were instructed to show up at no heavier than 190 pounds; so that one dude who had to drop 17 in one day only has himself to blame. Also: “I noticed that for the first couple of days ‘Rampage’ was much more funny than me and I was upset by that.”

— Perhaps due to the controversy spurring from last week’s news coverage of kiddie MMA, legislators are seeking to ban children’s MMA competitions in Missouri, the only state where youth matches are allowed. The MO-based youth-MMA organization Freestyle Combat League already requires its fighters to wear head gear and shin guards, and prohibits strikes to the head of a grounded opponent. The head of the FCL, Nathan Orand, says he’ll also be adding chest and stomach protectors for fighters younger than 14, allowing referees to stop a match if they see the danger of a joint injury, and switching from a cage to a ring. Sounds safe enough for our daughter!

— This Portfolio article on Chuck Liddell-as-accountant is notable for the following metaphor: “When I’m watching pre-fight tapes, I’m collecting all my receipts on my opponents, accumulating data,” [Liddell] says. “Once I step into the cage, it’s April 15. Everything is due.”

— MMAJunkie just put up an article evaluating the UFC performance of the 100 fighters featured on the first six seasons of The Ultimate Fighter. Junkie’s rather downbeat assessment: “[O]nly about 20 percent could be generously credited as UFC stars, or even serious contenders in their weight classes…more than half of the “TUF” contestants were unequivocal flops in that they failed to last more than two or three fights with the organization, if even that long.”

— Our buddy Ariel at JarryPark was recently named Editor-in-Chief of MMARated.com (mazel tov, brotha), and just put up a great audio interview with Cung Le, in which the new Strikeforce middleweight champ discusses Frank Shamrock’s trash-talk and his current contract situation with Strikeforce.

— Have a friend you don’t mind getting uncomfortably close with? Then these 10 “Ultimate Fighting” Exercises might be for you…

(Rampage: Stokin’ the Silva-Jackson III fire?)

Lotta’ trash talk floating around the past few days and here are some select dishes from today’s war of words.

— The Sun — which is apparently owned and operated by Chuck Liddell what with all the love they give him — has a piece today detailing The Iceman’s thoughts on Kimbo Slice. In a nutshell, Chuck doesn’t think Kimbo is worthy of the praise. The UFC light heavyweight fighter talks about how Kimbo has yet to be tested in MMA and mentions his first fight against Bo Cantrell — a guy who had already been KO’d twice before in under 30 seconds.

“So is that a real fight? I mean come on! The guy tapped before he hit the matt – he was tapping on the way down!”

“Gannon beat him didn’t he? And how long did Gannon last in the UFC?!!

“Kimbo’s one of those guys who doesn’t have any ground game. He’s training and he’s learning but he’s been built up as such a big star and that’s the thing that bothers me.

“People talk about him like he’s the next great thing when he really hasn’t done anything.

“He’s been built up because of the Internet and him beating a bunch of guys on the street.”

Using Kimbo’s loss to Sean Gannon in a ‘street fight’ as a prime example is something that a lot of people resort to. It’s also the same people that say Kimbo has no ground game. But mat work has nothing to do with Kimbo’s loss to Sean Gannon — that fight was a fist fight with an occasional lock-up. The only time it went to the ground was when both fighters were so gassed they collapsed on one another. And who fucking knows if Kimbo has a ground game or not. We’ve never seen him have to use one.

Chuck then talks about how he could make his own set of KO vids — although his plan would be to just go around punching people.

Our favorite author makes an appearance in the upcoming Owen Wilson flick, Drillbit Taylor. Blink and you’ll miss it. Seriously…

Wonder how many takes it took to get a coherent performance from Chuck?

(…or group-gropes.)

With the UFC’s heavyweight division utterly bereft of legitimate contenders to face Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira, the organization may need to start thinking creatively. And if they need Chuck Liddell to bail them out, Liddell would be up for it.

On Fight Network Radio, Chuck said he’d be willing to fight Minotauro for the interim big-boy belt if the UFC requests it. “If they want to set it up. I’m willing to do it,” he said. “Honestly I would like to get my title back at light heavyweight and then talk about moving up, but if that came up, (that) too is a possibility.”

Though Liddell is aching for another crack at Quinton Jackson, a win over Rashad Evans technically shouldn’t put him any closer to a title shot, and Chuck probably wouldn’t fare any better in a third match with Rampage than he did in their first two fights. He had a great run as the light-heavyweight champ — instead of chasing past glory, why not shoot for a new accomplishment and take on Nog at heavyweight? Especially if we’re talking about an immediate title shot (well, after Chuck gets through Rashad Evans, of course). Big as he is, Nogueira is beatable. And Rampage has Chuck figured out. Simple math, people.

(A black & white photo makes it uber classy, no?)

The Iceman has spoken about who he wants to fight next (after UFC 85) and it includes the usual suspects, plus a new entry. Liddell thinks he should be the one to take down Fedor Emelianenko. Chuck spoke to The Sun recently and had this to say about a possible match-up with the Russian badass:

“Fedor’s someone I want to fight because he’s someone I match up well with. He’s a ground and pound guy that doesn’t have a great shot. He doesn’t have a great game plan.

“I think I could take him. I think I match up well with him.

“As far as I know he’s never knocked anyone out from his feet and I think he’d have a hard time taking me down.”

Liddell goes on to say he might consider a move up to the heavyweight division once he’s done with light heavyweight. By “done”, we assume he means beating Rampage, Jardine, Wanderlei Silva again, and successfully defending the belt against someone like Dana-favorite Sokoudjou.

(Yep, that’s Rashad Evans.)

Despite some of you suggesting that madman striker Houston Alexander should take on Chuck Liddell as a replacement for the injured Mauricio Rua — not a bad idea, and one we overlooked earlier — the UFC has gone with one of the safer options that we were expecting, booking Rashad Evans to face the Iceman. Sherdog confirmed last night that the undefeated Ultimate Fighter 2 winner will be meeting Chuck Liddell at UFC 85 on June 7th in London.

It seems like Evans was picked to fill-in because he’d be the least likely to make Liddell eat another loss. Chuck’s a banger, and if he stayed in the pocket with unpredictable brawlers like Alexander or Sokoudjou, he could easily catch a knockout punch. Thiago Silva would have been just as dangerous, as he’s a threat both standing and on the ground, and he’s won all but one of his fights by stoppage. But aside from the occasional head-kick, Rashad Evans sticks to takedowns and lay-and-pray, and it’s nothing that Chuck won’t be able to deal with. In fact, we see this one turning out a lot like UFC 82′s Arlovski/O’Brien farce.

I can’t imagine many people being psyched about this matchup. Evans has a reputation for dullness, and UFC fans aren’t going to want to see Liddell spend entire rounds on his back. And from a marketing perspective, it’ll be tough to sell — Rashad’s a much smaller name than Chuck, and there’s no personal rivalry between them. But it will give the Brits a chance to throw bottles at the man who edged out their beloved Michael Bisping in November. Let’s all hope for a quick and brutal knockout…

(One of the most hospitalized fighters in MMA is at it again.)

That’s the official word from the UFC:

Scheduled to make his return to the Octagon this June against Chuck Liddell at UFC 85 in London, light heavyweight star Mauricio “Shogun” Rua has instead been forced to withdraw from the bout due to a ruptured ACL in his left knee, the same injury he had surgery on to repair last October after his UFC 76 fight with Forrest Griffin.

Surgery on the injured knee will be scheduled shortly, and there is no word on when Rua will be cleared to return to the Octagon.

Liddell’s opponent for UFC 85, which will be held at London’s O2 Arena on June 7th, will be announced shortly.

Damn it, we were really looking forward to that one. All we can say to Rua is find a competent surgeon or find a new line of work; we’ve seen more pictures of you in a hospital bed than in a gym. And who knows who Liddell’s replacement opponent will be, because all of the UFC’s other top 205ers are already busy around that time. Check it…

Quinton Jackson, Forrest Griffin: fighting each other in July
Lyoto Machida, Tito Ortiz: fighting each other in May
Wanderlei Silva, Keith Jardine: fighting each other in May
Rameau Thierry Sokoudjou: scheduled to fight Kazuhiro Nakamura in May
Thiago Silva, Rashad Evans: likely to fight each other in May

That doesn’t really leave anyone else that would give Chuck a serious challenge. We’d guess that either T. Silva, Evans, or Sokoudjou will be pulled off the match they were slated for to fight Chuck. Thiago and Sokoudjou might be interesting opponents, but a win for Chuck wouldn’t do much to prove he’s ready for another title shot, and a loss would sink him. Fucking Shogun — this kind of ruins everything.

Taken outside of the Nationwide Arena after UFC 82 was over. This dude was actually on crutches, which took some of the edge off his look. Still, the ubiquitous Liddell-hawk wasn’t my favorite hairstyle from the weekend. That honor goes to a gentleman I saw at the airport on Sunday…

Again, at the Arnold Classic, marveling at the power-lifters and their bloated legs. Nearby, Jose Canseco and Triple H were shilling for something or other. This guy caught my eye for his Liddell-Hawk with just the hint of a prehensile rat-tail.

Here’s one of the dudes waiting in line to meet Houston Alexander, Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira, and Sam Stout at the UFC booth at Saturday’s Arnold Classic, a multi-sport athletic competition and fitness convention held in Columbus every year. On the way to the Greater Columbus Convention Center, my West Indian cab driver told me he’d actually caught a glimpse of Arnold himself that morning, coming out of his hotel: “He looked great. He looks about 250, 280 pounds, and he had no wrinkles. The man is 60 years old. My father is 60. He doesn’t look like that.” I asked him what he thought Arnold’s secret was for staying so youthful. “Steroids and buttocks,” he said. I think he was trying to say “botox,” but he could have just as easily meant “getting tons of ass.”

It would not be the last time I spotted this haircut…

(Dude does a mean Truffle Shuffle.)

— The fight card for Sengoku‘s first show has been announced. Scheduled to go down March 5th in Tokyo, the event is headlined by Josh Barnett’s fight against champion judoka/mediocre MMA fighter Hidehiko Yoshida, which Barnett should win handily. Sengoku 1 also features bouts between Takanori Gomi and Duane “Bang” Ludwig, and Kazuo Misaki vs. Siyar Bahadurzada.

— Jens Pulver choked Cub Swanson directly into the minor leagues. Swanson faces Donny “Eagle Eye” Walker at IFBL Fight Night 11 tomorrow night in Niles, Ohio. Sucks to be you, brah!

— TUF 6 castmember Jon “War Machine” Koppenhaver will receive no jail time for that little shirtless misunderstanding he had last September.

— Did we hear that right? Did Bob Sapp say he can actually run for ten straight minutes?

— Chuck Liddell proves he’s no less intelligent than the average American during his disastrous performance on highbrow NPR quiz show “Wait Wait…Don’t Tell Me!” Not sure who advised him that this would be a good idea, but they should be taken off the payroll immediately. (To save yourself a whole lotta boredom, skip past the first five minutes.)

Well, some of you sons-of-bitches are going to be pissed after this one. With the last signed copy of Iceman: My Fighting Life up for grabs, over 150 captions were submitted, and you guys were throwing straight fire. Unfortunately, less prizes + more entries = disappointment. Will you agree with our choice? Probably not. But with so many awesome captions, we had to pick the one that gave us the most unexpected laugh. Check out the honorable mentions below, and the winner after the jump. Special bro-grabs to Dutton Books for making this whole thing possible!

Frank: GSP taking the bitches out for a walk

Dudeman: Josh Koscheck…The Ultimate Pooper Scooper

BG75: The odd couple 2: Napoleon and Sisqo

dleacock: Ultimate Fancy Championship

SikSik6: No really Josh, seriously, your gameplan against GSP was a good one……for me to poop on.

Niceguyeddie:

John-01: Matt Serra never saw his dog again….

The BOOG: Anything less.. would be uncircumcised.

Wyatt: F*cking French Canadians…

(“Hey, you know what would make you feel better? A delicious Rockstar Energy Drink.”)

— If Dan Henderson beats Anderson Silva at UFC 82, Wanderlei Silva would drop to middleweight to fight him. Hendo and Wandy have fought twice before in the PRIDE organization; Silva defeated Henderson by unanimous decision in December 2000, and Henderson knocked Silva out during a long-awaited rematch in February of last year.

— France is the latest European country to legalize MMA, and M-1 is looking to be the first promotion to hold an event there. Elbows, knees, and kicks on the ground will not be allowed in French MMA matches. Tapping out will be encouraged.

— Betting odds for Saturday’s Strikeforce at the Dome event have Bob Sapp as a -600 favorite, and Jan Nortje as a +450 underdog. Even though Nortje’s MMA stats have sucked, he’s done much better as a kickboxer. If you bet on fights, remember this: Sapp always has the capacity to lose.

— Chuck Liddell’s Iceman: My Fighting Life is #9 on the New York Times Nonfiction Best Seller list for the second week in a row.

— With great power comes a great big kick in the balls: That $325 million loan that Zuffa allegedly obtained through fraudulent means requires interest payments of approximately $23.9 million per year.

There, now don’t you feel smarter?

Someone just mentioned it’s President’s Day – which is cool, I guess. So in honor of the day, here’s some news.

— The Dayton Daily News is confirming what we all suspected: That a light heavy fight between Keith Jardine and Wanderlei Silva at UFC 82 will not be happening. The show is set for March 1st in Columbus, Ohio. The rumors for this match were given more fuel when ads for UFC 82 shown on Versus during WEC 32 straight-up promised that Jardine was going to be there. An editing snafu is being blamed, but the fight could happen this year. The DDN is saying a source close to Jardine has confirmed the fight is in the works and could go down this summer – MMA Junkie is saying UFC 84 could be the card for this fight.

— Chuck Liddell believes he’ll smoke Mauricio “Shogun” Rua during their fight on June 7th. And “The Iceman” also believes he should be fighting Rampage for the title…like NOW. Chuck had this to say to Brawl Sports:

So far, we’ve given away nine autographed copies of Chuck Liddell’s Iceman: My Fighting Life, and we’re going to put this thing to bed with one last caption contest. And here’s a curveball — Chuck’s not even in the pic this time. But I just came across this breathtaking photo of Josh Koscheck and GSP dressed to the nines and walking their dog, and the CagePotato reader who can provide the best caption in the comments section gets the last book. There will be no multiple winners this time, so bring your A-game, and feel free to enter more than once. The winner will be announced Friday, as is the custom.

(Photo props: Maxim)

Well, that was chaotic, wasn’t it? Luckily, commenter ‘Geoffr0y’ nailed all 5 answers at 2:43 p.m.:

1) A place of peace and prosperity (or as Chuck wrote, “House of Peace and Prosperity”)
2) Dana White
3) 2 kids by 2 mothers
4) Green
5) Jägermeister

Three minutes later, Geoffr0y realized the futility of this contest, and wrote: “Fuck this shit, we’re all just guessing. Whats the point of a contest where you have to already own the prize to win it? I’m going to the Gym.”

Well, Geoffr0y, I hope you had a good workout…BECAUSE YOU JUST WON THE SIGNED COPY OF ICEMAN!!! E-mail your address to feedback@cagepotato.com and we’ll get it to you ASAP. Big ups to everyone for playing. The final round of the Iceman caption contest goes down next Monday, so stay loose.

Totally unrelated: EliteXC just announced that Miami-based rap artist Pitbull will be performing at Street Certified on Saturday. Damn — I hope the BankUnited Center is insured. In honor of the booking, here’s the video to “Bojangles.”

We’ve been giving away copies of Iceman: My Fighting Life for the last couple of weeks, and during that time, it’s been my go-to for bathroom-reading. Consequently, I’ve learned a lot about Chuck that I didn’t know before — things that only devoted fans and family members would know. We’re taking a break from the caption contest this week, but we’d like to send an autographed copy of Iceman to the first reader who can correctly answer the questions after the jump, which are based on facts pulled from the book itself (UPDATE: We have a winner). But first, we’d like to excerpt our absolute favorite part of Iceman, which basically confirms that all the stories you’ve heard about the guy are true. Read it and weep:

Here’s what happens when you win a big fight: Girls flock to you. I was once at a club in Vegas with my girlfriend after I had beaten some guy up, and right in front of my girl, another woman came up to us and handed me her key. When I fought Tito, I wasn’t dating anyone seriously. So after a night of celebrating at the clubs, I brought some company back up to my room. A lot of company. I can’t remember how many woman, but I know it was more than two. I had promised Dana the gloves and trunks from the fight, and he had forgotten to get them in the celebration after. He came by my room in the morning, knocked on the door, and someone let him in. He saw two girls asleep in the living room, two more girls in the bathroom, and a girl in bed with me. None of us had any clothes on. And Dana remembers seeing condoms hanging from the lamps, on the floor, pretty much everywhere. He looked at me, asked me for the gloves and the trunks, then said, “Get the hell out of here.” I ended the morning by having sex while doing an interview on the phone with a radio station. Again, I’m not trying to brag. This is just the way it was.

And now that we’re all in the mood, the trivia contest:

For the second week in a row, you’ve proven your dedication to the noble cause of winning free shit. Last week’s Chuck Liddell caption contest took in 100 entries. This week: 102. Progress! Before we name the four (!) people who won signed copies of Iceman: My Fighting Life, let’s take a moment to recognize the runners-up:

SikSik6: In today’s press release, Liddell announced that he will be changing his nickname from “The Iceman” to “The Douche Magnet.”

darylo: Chuck n Cheesy
[Ed. note: Great. Now I have a craving for ball-pits.]

totaldb: The Liddelerline’s first night out
[Ed. note: Doesn't quite roll off the tongue like TomKat or Bennifer, does it?]

Niceguyeddie: http://mikey99.deviantart.com/art/K-Feddell-76490856

BG75:
K-fed: ay dawg its some fine ass breezies round hurr put it in the browntown from downtown
Chuck: *snorts a line,nods*
[Ed. note: We're suckers for stage-directions.]

And now the winners…

You guys killed it last week — let’s see how you do with this photo of Chuck with notable backup-dancer/sperm-donor Kevin Federline. The two CagePotato readers who produce the best captions will score signed copies of Chuck Liddell’s badass new memoir, Iceman: My Fighting Life, courtesy of Dutton Books. Submit your entries in the comments section and check back on Friday as we announce the winners. Come on…do it for Sean Preston and Jayden.

It’s hard to express the love we have for you all right now. When we posted our first Chuck Liddell caption contest on Monday, we thought we’d be lucky if we got a couple dozen entries. Well, you guys must really want those signed Iceman: My Fighting Life books, because the contest brought in 100 captions before today’s deadline, and almost all of them were LOL-funny. Seriously, you guys kicked ass, and we had a great time reading your one-liners. In fact, we’re going to give out three autographed books today instead of the two we were originally planning on parting with. This was a very difficult decision, but…

WINNERS
Than: “Yeah, my buddy Tim is outside, he’s down for a gang bang, but be warned his championship belt is gonna bruise you.”
[Ed. note: Oh! It's so topical!]

Colin G: “Hey baby, did you read my book? …… Me neither”
[Ed. note: Good pickup line...great ghost-writer. Jokes aside, our contact at Dutton has assured us that Chuck has read every page of his book — and he loves it!]

Brad: “People say that I don’t train hard anymore, but they have no idea how hard you have to work to get laid with this haircut”
[Ed. note: ...and in just 25 words, Brad has summarized the entire essence of Chuck Liddell.]

HONORABLE MENTIONS
Toolman: Chuck: Man…uhhh i tellya wut..man..there’s eh um. yeah dude…for real. i was like….yeah..uh..er..you know whut i’m sayin.
[Ed. note: That probably comes closest to what Chuck was actually saying at the time.]

KLovick Says: What has one thumb and wants to replace your cigarette with his dick?………
[Ed. note: Clever.]

MMA-hole: “Nikki — my Range Rover, 15 minutes. Andre — the bathroom, now.”
[Ed. note: The idea of a pansexual Chuck Liddell terrifies us.]

natureboy: Ultimate Fighter Chuck Liddell attempts to recruit a camera operator for a “3 Girls, 1 Chuck” internet video.
[Ed. note: We love "3 Girls, 1 Chuck." But shouldn't she be a co-star? I don't know if I'd relegate her to the crew...]

beast: Would you mind putting out the cigarette, maam? This is a no smoking area.
[Ed. note: "Plus, my tiny bald friend says you've been using his head as an ashtray."]

RawDawg: “Then I said ‘careful my thumb might be a little cold,’ then POW! Right in the pooper! — Oh hey babe.”
[Ed. note: "...I was just telling my friend about the time I stuck my thumb up your ass."]

Roark: “Sorry lady, I thought that was the belt Rampage took from me!”
[Ed. note: Damn, that is a big belt.]

DISHONORABLE MENTION:
sean: Iceman Brakes The Ice By Braking a Midgit.
[Ed. note: Lame pun + misspelling "break" twice and "midget" once = quadruple failure points.]

Than, Colin G, and Brad: Please drop a line to feedback@cagepotato.com with your addresses and we’ll get the books out to you as soon as we can. As for the rest of you — we still have seven more autographed Iceman copies left to give away, so come back Monday and we’ll do this aaaaaaall over again.

Here’s the video from Chuck Liddell’s appearance on Late Night With Conan O’Brien on Monday. The best exchange:

Conan: There’s an old adage in fighting…no sex before a fight. And when you’re training for a fight, no sex. What’s your feeling about that?
Chuck: I don’t believe in that, I never have. I actually go the opposite, I think.
Conan: Sex during the fight?

As Chuck explains, what’s harmful is going out and chasing sex all night, but he doesn’t have to chase it anymore so there’s no problem. Makes sense…

(Props: MMA Mania)

Great news, Potato Nation: The generous and attractive people at Dutton Books are hooking us up with ten autographed copies of Chuck Liddell’s intense new memoir, Iceman: My Fighting Life, and rather than keep them all to ourselves, we’ve decided to give them away in a weekly caption contest. Check out the photo below — the two CagePotato readers who come up with the best/funniest captions will each get a book. Submit your entries in the comments section and check back on Friday to see who won. Then swing by next Monday as we do it all over again…

UPDATE: The results are in!

— Randy and Fedor finally faced off…and couldn’t have been more courteous!

— The UFC continued to announce fights like the world was about to end.

— Jason “Mayhem” Miller gave us some insight on psycho fight-groupie skanks.

— Xyience went tits-up.

— From palm-trees to cock-swords, we counted down the worst ink in MMA.

— The IFL named Bas Rutten as their new Vice President in Charge of Liver-Punches.

— Mike Goldberg reached a new level of stupidity during Ultimate Fight Night 12.

— One incredible matchup was rumored, while another was officially booked.

— We talked to both sides of Bodog Fight’s upcoming welterweight championship match.

— Affliction may be starting their own MMA league. In response, the UFC has decided to go with the scorched-earth approach.

— Most importantly of all, we debuted our POWER RANKINGS!!! You can leave comments on the page now, so let us know how you feel. Remember: “These rankings suck” is not constructive criticism…

In a Seattle Post-Intelligencer profile of Chuck Liddell, the Iceman revealed who he’d like to step into the Octagon with next:

“My next fight will probably be in the summer and I am thinking about Jardine since Jackson is already scheduled to fight (Forrest Griffin),” Liddell said. “I can’t wait around (for Jackson). I love the sport and I think I have a couple years left in me.”

Jardine has been sitting on the bench since his decision victory over Liddell at UFC 76 in September, and we’re guessing that’s because the UFC doesn’t quite know what to do with him; “The Dean of Mean” isn’t enough of a big name to qualify for a title shot yet, but he’s already knocked off Chuck as well as the guy who will challenge for the light-heavyweight belt next, Forrest Griffin. Fights with Wanderlei Silva and Maurico Rua would be good options, but as the UFC’s only remaining superstar, Chuck will probably get what he wants — a chance to redeem himself. And that’s unfortunate, because a Liddell/Jardine rematch is the last thing we’d want to see.

(Matt Hughes “taking it” from GSP.)

An entry on Matt Hughes’ official blog yesterday announced that his book “Matt Hughes – Made in America” has reached number 21 on the New York Times Best Seller List. Here’s the announcement:

We just got the NY Times bestseller list in, and MADE IN AMERICA is #21! Thanks to all the fans for making this happen.

I did in fact go to the New York Times website and did not see the former UFC welterweight champ’s book listed there. I was ready to scream bullshit, or cry wolf, or whatever else it is someone roars when they think they’ve been duped – or want to start a revolution. Then an edit popped up on Matt’s blog and it appears he may have pulled it off.

EDIT: If you go to the NY Times website, you will see a list posted there that is dated January 20th, 2008 and MADE IN AMERICA is not on that list. That list only reflects sales for the week ending January 5th. My book should be on the list for the week ending January 12th, which hasn’t been posted to their website yet; but it should be in a week or two.

-Matt

(Above: Skanks.)

It seems that Wanderlei Silva isn’t the only one who wants to “fuck Chuck.” Post-UFC 79, the Iceman’s life has gone back to being one continuous afterparty, and as this TMZ video clearly shows, the club rats are literally hanging off of him to steal some of his man-essence. I guess this means the dude doesn’t need Anthony Robbins anymore…

Note to the Iceman: Remember when people were blaming your back-to-back losses on your hard-partying ways and loss of focus? This is kind of what they were referring to. I know it’s hard to turn down the rock star lifestyle when it presents itself as an option, but it’s not something that’s conducive to regaining the championship belt. Rampage can get away with that shit, but he has a personal relationship with God to balance it out. And as for the women? While you’re blowing out your testosterone on these party girls, dudes like Keith Jardine spend their evenings sharpening their teeth, whipping themselves with nail-studded belts, and bedding down with bitches like these. But I’m not Chuck Liddell, I’m just a blogger who’s never had the pleasure of banging more than three broads at once, so what do I know.