(Guida engages the UFC on FOX: Johnson vs. Dodson audience in the ancient Native American dance known as the “Iwannanothadrinka.” Photo via Combat Lifestyle.)

We’ve thrown the word “curse” around a lot here at CagePotato in the past year or so (as in “injury curse,” “cursed from birth,” and “curse you Dana for setting this up!”), but featherweight contender Chad Mendes is one of the few fighters who might actually be able to stake a claim to that title. In his past three scheduled fights, all of his original opponents have pulled out due to a last minute injury, leaving Mendes to face off against late replacement opponents on two occasions and cancelling his fight altogether in the third. Then again, any curse that ends in you collecting two quick knockouts and upwards of eighty thousand dollars is a hell of a lot better than the festering boils and dead first born I’ve been stuck with.

Anyway, the last man to pull out of a fight with Mendes was none other than recently-converted featherweight Clay “N-Pray” [*rimshot*] Guida, who was replaced by Darren Elkins just as quickly as Darren Elkins was defeated by Chad Mendes when the two eventually met at UFC on FOX: Henderson vs. Diaz. According to Ariel Helwani, the UFC is considering rebooking Mendes vs. Guida for the August 31st-scheduled UFC 164 card, which will also feature the beginning of Brandon Vera’s second attempt to become the UFC’s first two-division champ when he returns to the heavyweight division to face…Ben Rothwell. Baby steps, folks.

(“…and verily, Carvalho did’st invoke the accursed ‘What the fucketh is thy problem, good sir?‘ rule, but forsooth, it was all for naught.” / Photo via Getty Images)

When Clay Guida dropped out of UFC on FOX 7: Henderson vs. Melendez due to injury last week, it looked like Chad Mendes might be forced to beat up another outmatched palooka just to stay busy at the April 20th event in San Jose. (Such is his life — just body-shottin’ dudes who don’t deserve to be there, and collecting paychecks. It’s sad, really.) But Mendes’s latest replacement opponent could be an even tougher test than Guida was.

MMAJunkie reports that Darren Elkins — who just scored a first-round TKO over Antonio Carvalho during the UFC 158 prelims over the weekend — has gotten the call to step in against Mendes at UFC on FOX 7. Elkins’s latest victory increased his current win streak to 5-0 since dropping to featherweight in 2011, including previous wins over tough competitors like Diego Brandao and Michihiro Omigawa. If his name still isn’t ringing a bell, it’s probably because every single one of Elkins’s UFC fights have been relegated to the prelims; when somebody says that a fighter has “quietly amassed an impressive win streak,” this is exactly the kind of thing they’re talking about.

Unfortunately, Elkins’s match against Mendes likely won’t make the UFC on FOX 7 main card either — but a dominant win over a former title contender could change his fortunes significantly. Making that happen on a five-week layoff is easier said than done, of course. Your predictions?

(Now that I’ve successfully taken out Guida via bear pit, I’m just a first round knockout over a late-replacement UFC newbie away from another 40k. BOOM BABY!) 

Chad Mendes, reader of the Necronomicon, personification of the injury curse of 2012, has just lost his third straight opponent to injury in the past few months. Since KOing Cody McKenzie with a body shot back at UFC 148, Mendes has been a cursed man. First, he was expected to face Hacran Dias at UFC on FX 6, until Dias hurt his shoulder and withdrew just days out from the event. Dias was replaced by UFC noob Yaotzin Meza, who was thrashed by Mendes inside of two minutes. Then, Mendes was set to fight Manny Gamburyan at UFC 157, until Manny blew off his thumb with a firecracker or some shit and the bout was cancelled altogether.

Then, Mendes was booked against Clay Guida in “The Carpenter’s” sophomore featherweight appearance at UFC on FOX 7, which goes down on April 20th. But wouldn’t you know it, the usually uninjurable (?) Guida has done injured hisself too (via Sherdog):

Chad Mendes is once again without an opponent, as Clay Guida has suffered an undisclosed injury and will be unable to compete at UFC on Fox 7.

Sherdog.com recently confirmed the development with sources close to the situation, who verified that Mendes is still expected to compete at the April 20 event from the HP Pavilion in San Jose, Calif., though the search for a new opponent has apparently not gone well.

A perennial top contender with recently developed KO power, it’s no shock that Mendes is strapped for opponents in the featherweight division, especially on short notice. Who would you like to see Mendes fight in Guida’s absence? Personally, I gotta go with Don Zimmer, who has been itching for a fight ever since Pedro Martinez backed out of the rematch.

-J. Jones

(If only he used his moustache powers for good. Photo via Tracy Lee/Yahoo!)

With his UFC 157 appearance up in smoke due to an injury withdrawal by Manny Gamburyan, featherweight contender Chad Mendes has been officially removed from the February 23rd card, and was just given a new match at UFC on FOX 7: Henderson vs. Melendez (April 20th, San Jose). Mendes, who is coming off back-to-back knockout victories in what could charitably be called “rebound fights,” will face Clay Guida, who is coming off a questionable split-decision victory in his featherweight debut against Hatsu Hioki, which followed his Worst Fight of the Year runner-up against Gray Maynard.

For Mendes, the matchup represents a return to tough competition that’s long overdue. For Clay, it’s another opportunity to bounce around the Octagon between takedowns and long stretches of top-control. (I’m just saying, remember the beast-version of Clay Guida who put in legendary battles against Roger Huerta and Diego Sanchez? Well, he got tired of losing fights and changed his strategy a bit. It is what it is.)

In addition to the headlining lightweight title fight, UFC on FOX 7 will feature Daniel Cormier vs. Frank Mir, Nate Diaz vs. Josh Thomson, and Dan Hardy vs. Matt Brown.

(Well, that might explain the spray tan, at least. Photo courtesy of Getty Images.)

It’s safe to say that the UFC’s latest trip to the land of major network television succeeded in exceeding most of our expectations. For starters, the event pulled in much higher viewership numbers than most pundits of the sport (and apparently the UFC’s marketing department) ever believed a card topped off by a flyweight fight could do. The fact that the card delivered exciting finishes and entertaining brawls from top to bottom further cemented our belief that the UFC has truly started to hit their stride with Fox. Not that we ever doubted them, but things were looking hairy for a while there *thinks back to UFC on Fox 2, shudders*. 

But today, we must gather up last weekend’s results like a herd of slaughtered bison, take to our (ban)wagons, and forge ahead to the river of subjectivity that is the armchair matchmaker (Oregon Trail metaphors. They’re like, so in right now.). So join us after the jump as we breakdown what is next for some of Saturday’s biggest winners.

Demetrious Johnson: Challenger John Dodson might have brought the pop rocks to his first ever UFC title fight, but Demetrious Johnson surely brought the coke. And by coke, I mean cocaine. Because Johnson fights like he’s on…you know what, forget it. The Tazmanian Devil-esque tornado of takedowns known as “Mighty Mouse” is truly something to behold when he enters the octagon, combining a limitless gas tank with a simple will to survive that is unmatched by 90% of his MMA counterparts, flyweight or otherwise.

Props: KVDZFighting.tumblr.com

By George Shunick

When the UFC first began its relationship with Fox, the results were mixed. The first show had only a 64 second fight, and the next two shows – while solid – didn’t do so well in the ratings. Even as the cards themselves picked up on UFC on Fox 4 and 5, the production of the show was excessively drawn out and was tedious to watch at times. But UFC on Fox 6 showed just how good these cards can be. Packed with excellent, violent fights, and backed with the full might of the Fox marketing machine, this card was the first that fulfilled the potential of MMA on network television.

But let’s talk fights, shall we? I know the flyweights aren’t nearly as respected as they should be in some parts of the fight community, but if you’re still in those parts after last night’s performance, do us all a favor, stop reading and get the fuck out. Because what you just witnessed was one of the best, if not the best 5-round title fights in the promotion’s history. In an extraordinarily competitive fight, John Dodson took an early lead off the strength of his…well, strength. He landed a number of monster lefts that were able to knock Demetrious Johnson down, and showed how he is arguably the most exciting fighter in the entire division.

But it was for naught, because what Dodson has in excitement, Johnson has in sheer stamina, will and technique. He roared back in the latter rounds, particularly the championship rounds, delivering innumerable knees to the head, body and legs, mixing in takedowns, and consistently pushing forward. Dodson was unable to keep Johnson’s pace, and in the final round, Johnson unleashed vicious flurries as Dodson backed up. Though he never wilted, Dodson was defeated. Demetrious Johnson remained champion, and was able to deliver one of the better post-fight shout outs you’ll hear. While Benson Henderson may believe all things are possible through Christ (excuse me, “through CHRIST!!!”), Johnson appears to have sided with a more contemporary deity – the Xbox 360.

(“Alright folks, we’re about to get these weigh-ins started in a few minutes, but first, please direct your attention to the main stage to see a schizophrenic homeless person doing the robot.” / Photo via CombatLifestyle. To see more pics from this set, click here.)

Before the “Johnson vs. Dodson“ main card lineup kicks off on FOX, FX is giving us a preliminary card broadcast featuring a tasty appetizer-platter of cage fights, including Clay Guida vs. Hatsu Hioki, Ryan Bader vs. Vladimir Matyushenko, TJ Grant vs. Matt Wiman, and Mike Russow vs. Shawn Jordan.

Leading us through the UFC on FOX 6 prelims is liveblog first-timer Alex Giardini, who will be stacking round-by-round results after the jump beginning at 5 p.m. ET / 2 p.m. PT. (Be gentle with him, okay?) Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest results, and feel free to dump your own thoughts into the comments section.

(Photo via Esther Lin/MMAFighting.com)

Before Clay Guida was a UFC star, appearing on television screens all across the world, he fought constantly in the U.S. Midwestern regional circuit. Often, he fought multiple times per month. He was a lightweight and the UFC didn’t even have a lightweight division at the time, to say nothing of the three divisions below it that they have since added. Clay fought in halls, bars — anywhere there was a tough guy and a crowd, really. His locker rooms were sometimes bathrooms and closets.

It was small-time, but the energy in those halls and bars would spike when Guida came out to fight. He was a spastic ball of energy from his walk to the cage and on through the fights themselves, and Clay built a fan-base in the area that raucously cheered for him and rabidly followed him.

On local MMA shows, fighters get paid very little, if anything, to fight. Promoters use the fighters to sell tickets, however, and then give a small percentage of the sales back to the fighters. Matchmaking at this level often takes who can sell tickets into heavy consideration. Clay sold a lot of tickets. And he didn’t exactly have a personal assistant or PR team to help him handle the transactions. Back in the day, Clay would hock tickets while training for fights, weigh in, show up on fight night, and then combine warming up with getting tickets to those of his friends and family that needed them.

Since joining the UFC in 2006, Clay has moved beyond fighting in smoky suburban Chicago rooms, but his fans often follow him around the country and world for his fights. If it wasn’t for the amount of work he puts in at the gym that reveals how serious he takes his job, you’d think life is just one big party for Guida. He enjoys having loved ones around him, and the more people that come out to support him, the better, because it makes the celebration afterwards that much more fun.

That said, all the attention and work that goes along with taking care of friends and fans can take a toll on a fighter and affect their energy and focus. There’s always another request for the fighter to fulfill as he prepares for battle, always another favor for him to do. As best as can be observed, Guida does all that he can with a smile on his face. He knew, however, that if he held his training camp back home because he was scheduled to fight in Chicago this Saturday at UFC on Fox 6, it would be a mess. Instead, Guida chose to stay in New Mexico and keep his camp there at Greg Jackson and Mike Winkeljohn’s gym as he has the past few years.

“That’s why we’re out here in New Mexico,” Guida told CagePotato last week. “We’ve really got to focus. I love everyone back home and we’re going to have a great time there during the fight, but training camp needs to be just about preparing.”

(“Thanks Jay. Joining me now backstage is none other than…uh…wait a minute. You’re Anderson Silva’s son, right?”)

If you’ve been watching the NFL playoffs on FOX over the last couple weekends, you’ve surely noticed the frequent UFC promos throughout the broadcasts hyping a “World Title Fight” on January 26th between “Johnson and Dodson.” At no point is the word “flyweight” ever mentioned — because that would be a turnoff to casual fans, I guess? — and in most of the live promos I’ve seen, Demetrious Johnson and John Dodson‘s first names aren’t even included. Basically, they’re hoping that the mere promise of a “title fight” will be enough to lure some football fans into tuning in this Saturday night, even if those viewers have no idea who the headliners are, or what belt they’ll be fighting for specifically.

By sticking to the ironclad rule that a title fight will always get headlining-priority no matter who else is fighting on the card — a policy that previously drew some fan-criticism when Ronda Rousey vs. Liz Carmouche was given the UFC 157 main event spot over Dan Henderson vs. Lyoto Machida — the UFC has painted themselves into a corner. Johnson and Dodson simply aren’t as well-known, marketable, or admired as some of the other fighters competing at UFC on FOX 6, namely Quinton Jackson, Donald Cerrone, and Anthony Pettis.

It’s a problem, because TV ratings and buyrates are so closely tied to who’s headlining each event. Instead of perhaps making Rampage vs. Teixeira or Cerrone vs. Pettis the headliner, the UFC is choosing to keep things vague (“world title fight!” “Johnson!”) and hope for the best. We’ll see if that proves to be the right decision, or if the ratings will plunge compared to the strong showing of UFC on FOX 5. I know the UFC wants to pump up its budding flyweight division, but I can’t help wondering if they’re doing themselves a disservice when there’s so little heat around that weight class. Could they re-consider their “championship fight always gets the main event” policy down the road?

Since I’ve been thinking about this lately, I’ve decided to present my own rundown of which fights I’m actually looking forward to this weekend. If you see things differently, please hurl some abuse at me in the comments section. Let’s begin…

(We know, Clay, we had a hard time watching your last fight too.) 

It’s looking like the crippling power of this year’s injury curse is going to be tested early come 2013, because the UFC’s first major network event of the year is currently stacked with more budding talent than a Miss Teen USA pageant. Aside from the Cerrone/Pettis, Jackson/Teixeira, and Dodson/Johnson fights that were announced earlier this week, the UFC has recently announced that Clay Guida will be making his featherweight debut against Hatsu Hioki at the same event as well.

Guida’s last performance saw him channel Steve Prefontaine for the majority of five rounds against Gray Maynard at UFC on FX 4, earning him his second straight loss at lightweight following his much more exciting loss to current champion Benson Henderson at the inaugural UFC on FOX event.

Despite the fact that he is coming off a close decision loss to Ricardo Lamas at the same event, there’s no denying that Hioki is still considered to be one of the top contenders at 145, so a win over Hatsu is not only essential for Guida — he has never dropped three straight in his MMA career — but would easily launch him up the list of potential contenders to boot. Let’s just hope he brings a more aggressive strategy against Hioki or we could be in for a long three rounds.

Also booked for UFC on FOX 6…

(Careful Clay, all those fruity, sugary, woman drinks ironically go right to the hips.)

On the heels of a razor thin split decision loss to Gray Maynard at UFC on FX 4, his second loss to top tier competition in as many fights, it appears that everybody’s favorite energizer bunny/alcoholic, Clay Guida, will be dropping to featherweight for his next fight. Although no debut date or opponent have been decided as of this write up, Guida told MMAJunkie that he expects to make his featherweight debut sometime in early 2013.

Prior to his current two fight skid, Guida racked up four straight wins over such names as former PRIDE lightweight kingpin Takanori Gomi and former WEC lightweight champion Anthony Pettis among others, pulling in two Submission of the Night awards in the process and bringing his total award count to 7.

Our friends at With Leather just put together an incredible/awful collection of cheesy WWF promo photos from the late ’80s and early ’90s, and as we were browsing through some of these gems while drinking our coffee this morning, we couldn’t escape the eerie feeling that we’ve seen these faces elsewhere. The same snarling mugs, the same wacky personas — it’s obvious that some of our favorite MMA fighters owe a debt to these guys. So follow us back to pro wrestling‘s golden age, and allow us to make some startling comparisons.

Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart was the original…
Hillbilly Jim was the original…
Legion of Doom were the original…
Junk Yard Dog was the original…
Ultimate Warrior was the original…
The Honky Tonk Man was the original…
Tatanka was the original…
Big Boss Man was the original…
George “The Animal” Steele was the original…

(Jesus Christ, Joe, are you playing for the other team?! You don’t snipe in Carentan, saboteur!)  

Of all the seasons of The Ultimate Fighter to have produced upper-echelon fighters and title challengers at 155 lbs., who would’ve guessed that the season that coined the phrase “Wang and Bang” would one day rule them all? Not only is Nate Diaz next in line for a shot at Ben Henderson, but former title challenger Gray Maynard has just been booked to take on perennial contender Joe Lauzon in a battle that will easily launch the victor onto the short list of contenders at lightweight.

Then again, Sir Isaac Newton did state that every action has an equal and opposite reaction, which might explain why Gabe Ruediger is getting his ass kicked by skateboarders these days.

After spending the entirety of 2011 feuding with former lightweight champion Frankie Edgar, which ended in his first career defeat, Maynard recently bounced back into the win column with a controversial split decision win over Clay Guida in the main event of UFC on FX 4. Although Maynard was thoroughly out-hustled for the majority of the fight, the significance of his offense in the latter rounds combined with Guida’s lack thereof was enough to earn him the nod.

Maynard will be facing the always entertaining Lauzon, who is currently 3-2 in his past five and most recently scored a third round triangle submission victory against former WEC champion Jamie Varner in their classic scrap at UFC on FOX 4. Lauzon has struggled in the past when facing top contenders, having dropped fights to Kenny Florian and Anthony Pettis in the past, but has also finished his opponents in all 22 of his victories. And although his cardio looked the best against Varner that it arguably ever has, there is no doubt that Maynard’s experience in the championship rounds will pay huge dividends if Lauzon isn’t able to put him away earlier.

After the jump: An update on Matt Hamill’s return to the octagon. Spoiler: His opponent just got a lot tougher.

(“Nothing comes between me and my Baconator. Nothing.”)

By Jason Moles

In the ever-competitive world of professional mixed martial arts, the men and women are fighting for more than just the fans and their next paycheck; they’re fighting for survival. When you barely have enough money left for yourself after paying your training partners, coaches, and buying nutritional supplements, it’s time to find another source of income. Most do this in the way of sponsorships — you know, like the Nike deal Jon Jones recently signed, or Anderson Silva’s relationship with Burger King. And if more of these well-known mainstream companies would sponsor a few fighters, the smaller companies that currently sponsor fighters could move to guys and gals who are still making their way up the ranks without anyone losing out. Let’s look at the companies that best suit MMA, how they should be involved, and why it makes sense.

Company: Old Spice
Ideal fighter to sponsor: Cheick Kongo, Alistair Overeem

Why it makes sense: Standing 6′ 4″ and weighing 230 pounds, and 6′ 5″/263, respectively, the Frenchman and the Dutchman are the most physically imposing fighters in the UFC’s heavyweight division. Old Spice is known for their funny commercials targeting the same audience watching PPV’s on a Saturday night. In the past, Old Spice has used NFL players Brian Urlacher and Ray Lewis as spokesman for their ‘Swagger’ line of men’s body products, as well as jacked Expendables cast-member Terry Crews. And if those guys can do it, why not Kongo and Overeem? In particular, “The Demolition Man” is the type of guy you want your customers to think they’ll be more like by using your product. Alistair could even make his commercial debut by eating the horse the original Old Spice Guy rode in on.

(No, really Clay. Make yourself comfortable. Props: @JoeLauzon)

The UFC’s annual Fighter Summit — in which every fighter under the Zuffa roster is forcibly brought together for a series of lectures meant to educate and inspire — went down earlier this week in Las Vegas, and judging from this epic Sherdog thread, it was a nightmarish endurance test of boring presentations and insane guest speakers.

Browsing through the photos, you can just feel how uncomfortably warm the room was, how early the start-times were, how soul-crushingly dull some of those presentations turned out to be. (Anybody who’s suffered through an 8 a.m. Intro to Philosophy course in college can certainly relate.) The fighters coped as best as they could — mostly by napping and doodling. We’ve hand-picked some of our favorite photos that were tweeted out during the ordeal, and put them in the gallery below. Enjoy.

(Dan Miragliotta explains to Guida the maximum amount of miles allowed to run in the octagon without penalty.) 

After a brief hiatus, Dana White has returned with the daily dose of heartbreak that is the Danavlog to remind us all of the downsides of being a f*cking fighter. Thankfully, not all of us take the phrase as literally as Brazilians do. But the main lesson we took away from today’s episode is simple: what you don’t pay in gym fees, you will more than make up for in blood. Nick Catone, Joey Gambino, and Ross Pearson were just a few of the men to walk away from their bouts with some gruesome lacerations and another (or in Gambino’s case, a first) loss on their record. A tough day at the office indeed.

“Boring,” and “sucked” were just a couple of words that White used to describe the five round affair between Clay Guida and Gray Maynard, a sentiment that most fans seemed to agree with when all was said and done. And regardless of who you thought won that fight, you could probably understand a little bit of Gray’s frustration with the Steve Prefontainian conundrum that Guida brought to the octagon. This frustration became all the more apparent when the two met backstage, where some less than positive remarks were exchanged between the two camps. Oddly enough, it all began when Guida uncharacteristically complained about the judges decision, despite the fact that Napoleon was closer to conquering Russia than Guida ever was to finishing that fight, or even attempting to for that matter.

Video after the jump. 

(And that’s for asking me how to save money on car insurance! / Pic Props: BRMMA Flickr)

By Jason Moles

Clay Guida won that fight. I know what the scorecards said; Bruce Buffer announced them to the world loud and clear. I know what everybody and their brother said on Twitter as well. None of that matters, though, because I know what I saw. Friday night in Atlantic City, Guida defeated Gray Maynard. In what parallel universe can you throw nearly a hundred more strikes than your opponent, he spends the evening swinging at ghosts, and they declare him the winner? On the mean streets of Albuquerque, New Mexico, if you have all but one of your fourteen takedowns stuffed, that does not make you a winner. That makes…not a winner.

Since when do we penalize fighters for not wanting to get smashed in the face? Guida willingly let himself be locked in a cage with “The Bully” for a total of twenty-five minutes. And yet somehow Maynard still wasn’t satisfied, saying at the post-fight press conference, “You can’t just go to the end of the cage and then back to the other end and back to the other end the whole time. You’ve got to give me a chance, too.”

“You’ve got to give me a chance, too?” Sorry, I thought Maynard was a professional fighter. I thought he was above the “If Johnny can’t hit off the pitcher, we’ll just bring out the tee” mentality. First, you don’t like his hair and now you don’t like the way he dances? If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were looking for a date to the prom. You had your chance and you blew it. Were you really expecting Clay to just stand in front of you like the striking dummies at the gym?

By George Shunick

Our thoughts exactly. Props: MMAMania

Gray Maynard has never been the most popular UFC fighter. Maybe it’s because it’s almost impossible to picture him as an underdog; he’s an enormous lightweight who lives up his “Bully” moniker. (His choice of entrance music probably doesn’t do him any favors, either.) He’s always Goliath, and in our society we’re conditioned to root for David. That attitude was epitomized in Frankie Edgar’s back-to-back comebacks against him, with the crowd firmly in favor of the smaller fighter who seemed to rely on his will and technique, while Maynard relied on his size and power. As long as Maynard’s achievements were contextualized within that narrative, he would always be the villain.

Clay Guida won the first two rounds of their main event last night by constantly remaining out of Maynard’s reach, dictating the pace, occasionally landing jabs, and landing a solid head kick in the latter half of the second round. The action had been sparse throughout, but it seemed understandable; Guida obviously didn’t want to engage Maynard head on at first, he’d tire him out and then wear him down. Well, that didn’t happen. For the majority of the third round, Guida squandered whatever momentum he may have built by circling, dancing, and circling some more. It was UFC 112 Anderson Silva on meth. By the end of the round, Maynard was flailing with power punches, frustrated by Guida’s unwillingness to engage.

Midway through the fourth round, Maynard had enough. With Guida still circling and refusing to engage, Maynard finally grabbed a hold of him, landed some knees and then proceeding to embody the audience’s frustrations by dropping his hands and bellowing epithets, daring Guida to just stop running and hit him. Guida proceeded to oblige him, only to have Maynard walk through a hard overhand right, stuff a takedown and almost secure an arm-in guillotine in an unprecedented display of attitude and badassery that it actually caused fans to cheer him. Round 5 was unfortunately more of the same, which is to say, not much at all.

(I don’t see any braids, homeboy.) 

Tonight, the UFC makes its ever glorious return to FX, and if the undercard is any indication, we are in for a night of action packed goodness, Potato Nation. Clay Guida and Gray Maynard will battle for a spot amongst the endless string of lightweight contenders, and Spencer Fisher will be battling for his dignity against Sam Stout. Our very own Jared Jones will be liveblogging everything as it goes down, so join him as he recaps all the action as it plays out, won’t you?

Did that title totally blow your freakin minds?! We know it did, but for those of you who still remain on the planet Earth after reading it, prepare yourselves for a double dose of down and dirty gambling advice. Thanks to a pair of back-to-back cards and an injury curse the likes of which we’ve never seen before, this weekend’s UFC on FX 4 and UFC 147 events have just enough interesting matchups between them to help you prosper during the greatest American depression since the last great American depression, so lets do some (betting) lines!

UFC on FX: Maynard vs. Guida
Gray Maynard (-305) vs. Clay Guida (+275)
Spencer Fisher (+260) vs. Sam Stout (-290)
Brian Ebersole (-240) vs. T.J. Waldburger (+200)
Ross Pearson (-180) vs. Cub Swanson (+165)
Hatsu Hioki (-185) vs. Ricardo Lamas (+155)
C.J. Keith (+225) vs. Ramsey Nijem (-285)
Joey Gambino (-115 ) vs. Steven Siler (-115)
Rick Story (-380) vs. Brock Jardine (+290)
Luis Ramos (+145) vs. Matt Brown (-175)
Chris Camozzi (+175) vs. Nick Catone (-245)
Ricardo Funch (+375) vs. Dan Miller (-515)

UFC 147 
Rich Frankin (-170) vs. Wanderlei Silva (+150)
Cezar Ferreira (-260) vs. Sergio Moraes (+200)
Rony Mariano Bezerra (-280) vs. Godofredo de Oliveira (+220)
Mike Russow (+400) vs. Fabricio Werdum (-500)
Yuri Alcantara (+220) vs. Hacran Dias (-280)
(all figures courtesy of BestFightOdds) 

Thoughts…

(Ah, the Rumbleweight Diet, or as it’s known to the general public, the Fatkins diet. Well, played, Mr. Guida.) 

Just a reminder to make sure and swing by CagePotato at 4 p.m. ET/1 p.m. PT to catch the live weigh-ins and results for tomorrow night’s UFC on FX 4: Maynard vs. Guida event, which goes down from the Revel Casino in Atlantic City, New Jersey.

Although the card may be somewhat lacking in terms of drawing power, it does feature some top to bottom great matchups that are sure to entertain. And let’s be honest, it’s more stacked than any pay-per-view event you’ll be purchasing stealing this weekend. Aside from the five round main event between perennial lightweight contenders Clay Guida and Gray Maynard, we will be treated to the anticipated trilogy bout between Spencer Fisher and Sam Stout, which may very well be Fisher’s last in the octagon, as well as a pair of great contests between Muay Thai “Bad Boy” Brian Ebersole and submission whiz T.J. Walburger and featherweight sluggers Ross Pearson and Cub Swanson. The undercard kicks off with the long-awaited return of our boy Dan Miller, who will be taking on Brazilian Ricardo Funch.

We will be liveblogging all of the action starting tomorrow at 9 p.m ET, so if your Friday is looking less than spectacular, why not spend an evening with your favorite drunken slobs?

Video and full results after the jump. 

Previous experiments have involved a flat iron and a tub of Crisco.

We enjoy a great hairdo as much as the next guy, but it’s not often that one plays a role in the outcome of a fight. Back in the day, Jason Fairn and Guy Mezger famously made a gentlemen’s agreement not to tug on each other’s locks during their fight, and more recently Louis Gaudinot has considered chopping off his tresses after his hair hampered his performance against John Lineker. Those men took a look in the mirror and decided the fate of their own follicles, an option that has sadly been taken out of the hands of Clay Guida.

“The Carpenter’s” signature coiffure was recently placed on the proverbial chopping block after Gray Maynard‘s camp filed a formal complaint with the New Jersey State Athletic Control Board. Sanctioning bodies are responsible for determining “whether head or facial hair presents any hazard to the safety of the unarmed combatant or his opponent or will interfere with the supervision and conduct of the contest or exhibition.” Though Guida has the right to contest Camp Maynard’s objection to his hair, he has opted to braid his Medusa-like top for their bout rather than bog himself down with legal wranglings.

Hear from all parties involved after the jump.

Yes, it’s ugly, trashy and tasteless to include Arianny on this list. Just like this t-shirt. Props: UFCStore.com

MMA fighters aren’t exactly known for their fashion sense. So it should come as little surprise that most MMA t-shirt companies produce some pretty questionable designs. The rampant abuse of foil print, skulls, chains, tribal designs and nautical stars among most MMA t-shirts is bad enough on its own; even worse when you consider that they sell for thirty bucks a pop.

Which I guess makes it all the worse when a fighter makes his way to the cage covered in an “athletic fit” Old-English mess. Not only is the shirt revolting, but it’s going to sell for an outlandish sum of money, and be worn by every overweight Texas Roadhouse chef, milquetoast tech support geek and muscle-bound frat boy.

Perhaps the reason that we’ve never attempted an “Ugliest Walkout Shirts” post is because ranking these train wrecks is like ranking, well, actual train wrecks. No matter what order you place them in, you’re a total scumbag for attempting to rank a tragedy from most to least depressing. And besides, you’re clearly wrong about which one belongs at number three. For that reason, these will not be ranked, per se, but rather categorized. How you feel these shirts fall into place is up to you.

Let’s start with the most obvious category:

(In a rare misstep for Guida, he had no idea that the beer bong he was offered actually contained Four Loko. There were no survivors.) 

It seems that you can’t come across an MMA interview these days that doesn’t bring up the Alistair Overeem situation. The phrase “testosterone replacement therapy” has been thrown around in more MMA blogs within the past month than the name “Tim Tebow” on your average Sportscenter episode, and that’s saying something. Is it a coincidence that both phrases emphasize the “T” sound? We think not.

Being the laid back, no worries, Winnebago-loving kind of guy that Clay Guida is, he was much more willing to forgive Overeem when speaking to MMAWeekly about the situation yesterday, believing that a lot of the blame should be placed on that of his coaches. And in case you’re wondering, he managed to relate the situation to the lion-esque mange that sits atop his head:

Yeah, Alistair not knowing that there is testosterone in his vitamins, is like me not knowing what kind of conditioner I’m putting in my hair. I’m not going to put the complete blame on him, I’m going to put it on his coaches, and, maybe not his team necessarily, but his trainer and this and that and whoever maybe slipped him a Mickey or whatever you want to call it. I’m a fan of the guy, don’t get me wrong, but, I think they had plans elsewhere or whatever it may be, but, it’s a bummer that the main event in one of the biggest cards of the year is going to be kind of tampered with, just because you know, they got careless and maybe they didn’t have all the belief in themselves, so. I just stick with my regular stuff. The fruits and vegetables, fish oils, glucose and stuff like that you know? I’ve never been big on supplements on stuff like that you know? I just take natural stuff.

Fish oil, eh? And here we thought he was drinking whiskey shooters and vodka cranberries this whole time.

It turns out that fellow lightweight contender Mark Bocek, ever the stickler, was not too pleased that Overeem received only 9 months for his botched surprise drug test, going as far as to say that any fighter needing TRT (or marijuana for that matter), shouldn’t be fighting in the first place:

(“I ain’t Leonard Garcia, pal.”)

Another New Jersey native has been added to the UFC’s upcoming FX 4 card set for this summer in Atlantic City.

Jimy Hettes (10-0), the undefeated 24-year-old featherweight phenom who impressed us all in his first two UFC bouts, trouncing TUF veterans Alex Caceres and Nam Phan, will join fellow New Jerseyans Dan Miller, Nick Catone and Rich Attonito on the June 22 card.

(“I’d like to see that old greeter try to tell me I can’t come in.”)

We’re starting to think that maybe Clay Guida is allergic to shirts, since it’s rare that we ever see him in one.

In spite of Walmart’s strict, “no shirt, no shoes, no service” rule, the Carpenter recently thumbed his nose at the big box store’s customer dress code policy in Missouri to pick up some supplies for another undoubtedly epic weekend of debauchery in his shaggin’ wagon.

(I’ll take “Injuries that make me reconsider my line of work” for a thousand, Alex.) 

Good morning, Potato Nation. As we’re all still nursing hangovers from this weekend’s festivities and trying to cope with the fact that there will be no more The Walking Dead until next fall, let’s start the day off with a bit of light reading.

Firstly, a math teacher from Ohio and a movie star from South Vietnam have been booked to throw down at UFC 148, which features the completion of the Dominick Cruz/Urijah Faber trilogy as its headliner, and goes down from the MGM Grand in Las Vegas on June 7th.

What’s that, you say? Rich Franklin is also a movie star and Cung Le could probably teach math? Well, there’s no room for that kind of intolerance around here, especially not this early in the morning, so we suggest you pull your heads out of your collective asses. Besides, Rich Franklin is definitely not a movie star.

This will be Franklin’s first fight at middleweight since April of 2008, when he dispatched TUF 4 winner Travis Lutter via second round TKO back at UFC 83. In fact, it’s been a while since we’ve seen “Ace” in the octagon at all. After dropping a unanimous decision to Forrest Griffin at UFC 126, Franklin was expected to face Antonio Rogerio Nogueria at UFC 133. The bout was cancelled, however, after Nogueria suffered a last minute injury, and a subsequent shoulder injury forced Franklin into surgery in October.

Cung Le appeared to be destined for victory in his UFC debut match against Wanderlei Silva at UFC 139 last November, picking apart the former PRIDE middleweight champ with his patented arsenal of San Shou kicks throughout the first round. But as in his fight with Scott Smith at Strikeforce: Evolution, Le would snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, eating one knee too many in the second round and dropping his second career loss to “The Axe Murderer” in the second round of their co-headlining scrap. Also similar to the Smith fight would be the horrific nose injury that Le would walk away with.

In other fight booking news…

CagePotato Roundtable is a new recurring column in which the CagePotato writing staff (and some of our friends) share their opinions on an MMA-related topic, and hopefully inspire some discussion among our readers as well. For the inaugural installment, we took inspiration from Joe Rogan’s enthusiastic crowning of last weekend’s Tim Boetch vs. Yushin Okami fight as “the greatest comeback in the history of the UFC.” That’s debatable, to say the least — but isn’t everything? So what *was* the greatest comeback fight in MMA history?

Seth Falvo
When Joe Rogan first called The Barbarian’s victory the greatest comeback in UFC history, my first thought was “Come on, Joe, are you seriously the only MMA fan who hasn’t seen Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira vs. Bob Sapp?” That comeback exposed Sapp for the overhyped freak that he was while establishing the legend of Big Nog and his ability to come from behind to win fights. Hell, we at Cagepotato consider it to be the best freak show fight to ever come out of Japan. But in fairness to Joe Rogan, that fight didn’t take place in the UFC. So my second thought was “Come on, Joe, are you seriously the only UFC fan who hasn’t seen Mike Russow vs. Todd Duffee?”

What makes this comeback so great was the fact that Todd Duffee and Mike Russow were essentially photo negatives of each other. Before this fight, Duffee was destined to be the next big thing in the UFC’s heavyweight division, having just tied the record for the fastest knockout in UFC history in his promotional debut against Tim Hague. Duffee was on the cover of Muscle & Fitness, the poster boy for Muscletech and seemingly in every men’s magazine on the planet — no matter how loosely the content was related to sports. Meanwhile, Russow was quietly coming off of a unanimous decision victory over Justin McCully in his UFC debut and had more fat in his left bicep than Todd Duffee had in his entire body. Everything about this fight seemed like it was a squash match.

(Hover-hands… making UFC fighters not seem like germophobes since 1993.)

We realized we haven’t had a good old fashioned caption contest in a while, so to make it up to you guys we figured we’d do three for the price of one. That way you can pick your favorite photo to mercilessly carve, rather than having us disappoint you by choosing one that dries out your creative juices. And you say that we never listen.

You know the drill. Come up with your best captions for these three Tracy Lee photos from last weekend’s “It Ain’t Chemo” fundraiser. Best one for each pic gets a CP devil horns or HOF T-shirt. One prize limit per entrant.

And….GO!

(It is a little known myth that if you tickle a Shrexican behind the ear, he will fall under your spell forever.)

The California State Athletic Commission released the official fighter salaries for UFC on FOX earlier today, and if you were a follower of June White’s theory that Dana sold his soul to the Devil for the Fox deal, then this is all the evidence you’ll need. The total (disclosed) fighter payroll came out to exactly $666,000. The proof is in the pudding, folks. Start drafting up your PowerPoint conspiracy reports now.

Snatching up nearly half of that payroll, newly crowned heavyweight champ Junior Dos Santos not only walked away with the gold and the glory, but the cash and the girl (Props, Boo) as well. Earning 3,437 dollars per second, Dos Santos collected a $220,000 paycheck that took less effort than a supporting role in an animated kids movie.

The only other fighter even close to Dos Santos in terms of salary was that of his victim, Cain Velasquez, who took home an even $100,000 for his efforts. Check out the full salary list below. Keep in mind, these figures are void of any locker room bonuses, fight bonuses, sponsorships, or any other nonsense.