infomercial fail gifs
21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

Tag: Columbus

UFC 96 Payouts: Only One Superstar on This Card


(Fight night Danavlog reveals that someone is a little self-conscious about his weight.)

The UFC paid out $762,000 in base fighter payroll for UFC 96 in Columbus, Ohio, and they dispersed this money according to their usual principles: from each according to his ability, to each according to his marketability.  Full disclosed payout figures are below.  For a more accurate accounting, imagine Rampage Jackson, Keith Jardine, and Matt Hamill all pocketing an extra $60,000 for their end of the night bonuses:

Quinton Jackson — $325,000 (includes $100,000 win bonus)
Keith Jardine — $55,000
Shane Carwin — $32,000 (includes $16,000 win bonus)
Gabriel Gonzaga: $60,000
Matt Brown — $16,000 (includes $8,000 win bonus)
Pete Sell — $12,000
Matt Hamill — $40,000 ($20,000 win bonus)
Mark Munoz — $12,000
Gray Maynard — $20,000 (includes $10,000 win bonus)
Jim Miller — $9,000
Tamdan McCrory — $20,000 (includes $10,000 win bonus)
Ryan Madigan — $3,000
Kendall Grove — $44,000 (includes $22,000 win bonus)
Jason Day — $5,000
Jason Brilz — $10,000 (includes $5,000 win bonus)
Tim Boetsch — $12,000
Brandon Vera — $60,000 (includes $30,000 win bonus)
Michael Patt — $5,000
Shane Nelson — $16,000 (includes $8,000 win bonus
Aaron Riley — $6,000

Read More DIGG THIS

UFC 96 Bonuses and Videos


(‘Page vs. Keef. Props to MMALinker.)

After a wild, occasionally bizarre night of action which once again proved that weak-on-paper cards often turn out to be the most entertaining ones, the UFC released $60,000 end-of-night bonuses to UFC 96‘s standout fighters. Taking home the extra cash are…

Fight of the Night: Quinton Jackson and Keith Jardine, who put on a surprisingly competitive three-rounder in the main event; in fact, the fight was one of the few matches on the card that wasn’t a one-sided squash.

Knockout of the Night: Matt Hamill, obviously, for his Cro Coppian head-kick obliteration of Mark Munoz. 

Submission of the Night: No bonus was given out, even though Tamdan McCrory did technically make Ryan Madigan tap due to strikes. We’ll let you know if he decides to file a complaint with the athletic commission.

UFC 96 drew a very-impressive 17,033 spectators to Nationwide Arena, for a gate of $1.8 million. 

After the jump: The Hammer’s nasty KO, Carwin’s ownage of Napao, the Brown/Sell fiasco, and Kendall Grove’s job-saving beatdown of Jason Day.

Read More DIGG THIS

UFC 96: Liveblogging Because We Care


(Photo courtesy of Combat Lifestyle.)

It’s a lovely spring day in Columbus, Ohio and the streets of the Arena District are teeming with fans eager to find out, can Keith Jardine really continue his streak of ruining every good plan the UFC has, or will "Rampage" Jackson save him from the ethical quandary of a potential future title shot against his dear friend Rashad Evans?  We’ll be liveblogging all the action as it unfolds, so stick with us.  And when I say stick with us I really mean it.  God help me, if I find out you’re two-timing us with some other liveblog there will be hell to pay.

Before we get started, how about giving this a quick Digg.  It only takes a second, and you’ll feel better about yourself afterwards.  Remember to hit refresh often to keep up with the action.  We’ll get started any minute now…

Read More DIGG THIS

Ben vs. Ben: UFC 96 Edition


(A face only Greg Jackson could love.  Courtesy of Combat Lifestyle’s UFC 96 press conference gallery.)

It’s debatin’ time again.  With one day to go before UFC 96 rocks Columbus, Ohio, we’re talking title shots, Hall of Fame inductees, and more in this edition of Ben vs. Ben.

Given Jardine’s track record for spoiling the UFC’s best-laid plans, what are his chances to upset Rampage Jackson and force a Machida-Evans title fight?

BG: Unless Greg Jackson’s gameplan for Keith Jardine is “change everything about your standup game,” the Dean of Mean is in deep shit. Sure, Jardine has been a notable spoiler for Forrest Griffin and Chuck Liddell, but he’s just as well-known for being eaten alive by the heavy-handed onslaughts of Houston Alexander and Wanderlei Silva, thanks in large part to his often-shaky striking defense. Jardine may be able to outmaneuver a measured counter-puncher, but if Jackson comes out slugging, he’s done for.

Not to say that Rampage is going to be a wild man from the opening bell. Against Wanderlei Silva in December, he took the first half of the first round at a slow pace, settling in and finding his range. (And then he found it, and boom went the dynamite.) But there’s a difference between the patient knockout artist that Jackson was at UFC 94, and the tentative, off-peak, troubled Rampage we saw against Forrest Griffin at UFC 86. Jardine could have probably won a decision over that Rampage via leg kicks. Unfortunately, a 100% healthy and focused Quinton Jackson would likely outbox Jardine into unconsciousness, sometime after the first round. QJ wins this one four out of five times. Machida’s title shot will come at the end of this year, at the earliest.

BF: First of all, QJ?  Man walks around with a perfectly good nickname like “Rampage” and here you are calling him QJ?  There’s just no excuse for that.

Read More DIGG THIS

It Is All Over! Your Fight Magazine/Cage Potato VIP Party Contest Winners Are…

It wasn’t easy, but we’ve poured through your entries and selected the two we liked best to join us for some VIP fun at the Sugar Bar in Columbus, Ohio this Friday night as we get our UFC 96 pre-party on.  Your winners:

Vrax: we liked his Maker’s Mark-centric entry, and he did a lot of work on the Wiki for us and we don’t forget a friend like that.

Cariouslesions: there’s something about a Cage Potato reader who is in dental school and also subscribes to Fight! Magazine that we like.

Gentlemen, please send us an email at feedback@cagepotato.com with your real name and contact info and we’ll put you down on the guest list (+1).  See you Friday, 8:30 pm.

For those of you who didn’t win, this doesn’t mean we don’t like you.  It just means we don’t like you as much as Vrax and Cariouslesions, who are going to get to throw a few back with us, some UFC fighters and Octagon girls, and the guys from Fight! Magazine.  The rest of you can and should still swing by when the club opens to the public at 10 pm.  We’ll have t-shirts to give away and a ring girl contest for you to enjoy, and we’d love to make your acquaintance and then forget all about it in the morning.

Read More DIGG THIS

Warning: Fight Magazine/Cage Potato Party Essay Contest Ends Tomorrow!

Many of you have already submitted your entries to the Fight! Magazine/Cage Potato Pre-UFC 96 VIP party contest.  Looking through the forum thread, I have to say I’m impressed at the variety of methods you people came up with to prove your worthiness. 

Some of my favorites range from promising us drugs to telling us your sad, sad story to posting evidence of your frequent flier miles to pointing out that you are biologically a woman.  [Note: that last one may be rare and impressive enough by itself on an MMA forum, DutchAsFuck, but is much less so at a party with a ring girl contest going on.  Try again.]

As much as we’ve enjoyed hearing your pleas for fun, this must come to an end.  Tuesday we announce our winners, based on whatever the hell criteria we feel like, so get your entries in now if you haven’t already.  Hopefully that will give the lucky winners time enough to make the necessary plans while also allowing the rest of you to heal from the tremendous hurt you’ll have suffered.  And yes, if you win you will be permitted to bring one guest.  But choose wisely.  The friend you have who’s known for shooting tequila and puking on himself?  Even though you guys have been bros since fifth grade, maybe it’s best to leave him at home for this one.

The good news is that even if you don’t win you can still meet up with us when the club opens to the public at 10 pm.  The ring girl contest is set to pop off at around 11 so you’ll still get to see the good stuff, and we may even have a t-shirt or two left to give out by then.  If that doesn’t entice you enough, I’ll leave you with this: what do all three UFC Octagon Girls have in common?  No, it isn’t daddy issues.  Well, maybe it is.  But more importantly they’ll all be partying with Cage Potato and Fight! Magazine this Friday night.  Where will you be?

Read More DIGG THIS

You Gotta Write…For Your Right…To Party With Cage Potato and Fight! Magazine

‘Sup, Potato Nation.  What are you guys up to next Friday night?  Just sitting around, painting your toenails and wishing it was Saturday already so you could watch UFC 96?  That’s a bummer, because we’ll be partying our asses off at a VIP party with Fight! Magazine at the Sugar Bar in Columbus, Ohio.

It’s no big deal, really.  Just us, the dudes from Fight Mag, a bunch of UFC fighters, an open bar, and a ring girl contest hosted by none other than Bruce Buffer himself.  See I lied, it’s totally a big deal!!!!

But we’re not telling you simply to brag about how big time we are.  We want you to come party with us to kick off the UFC 96 weekend, and two lucky Cage Potato readers will get the full VIP treatment – free drinks, hobnobbing with the stars (and, you know, us), the works.  To determine which two of you will receive this honor, we’re going to have ourselves an old-fashioned (really, really short) essay contest.

Simply tell us, in 100 words or less in this forum thread, why you think you deserve to hang with the stars and party it up in Columbus, Ohio before UFC 96.  Only entries in the forum thread will be considered, and to be eligible you should a) be 21 or over, and b) be reasonably capable of actually getting to Columbus on March 6.

Read More DIGG THIS

UFC 96 Video Promo: Rampage Is Having a Meltdown Trying to Compute That In His Brain Right Now


(Props: BloodyElbow)

Well, we’re nine days away from the most-anticipated [Columbus, Ohio-based] UFC card in history since last March. No, the lineup isn’t exactly knocking anybody’s dick off. But people bitched about UFC 95, and that turned out to be insane from top to bottom, so who really knows? Above is the extended promo clip for the night’s two main events. Quinton Jackson says Keith Jardine‘s chin is suspect, and vows that somebody’s gonna pay for making him go back to the chilly U.K. to train. Jardine says he an overall better fighter that Jackson, and plans on testing his spirit.

Meanwhile, both Gabriel Gonzaga and Shane Carwin take pride in the fact that they finish fights. The undefeated Carwin still hasn’t been out of the first round in his career, which is both a good thing (can anybody make it to the second bell against this guy?) and potentially a bad thing (will he gas out if it goes to rounds two and three?). But now that Carwin is training with Greg Jackson’s camp, he’ll be able to draw from the wisdom of guys like Keith Jardine, Nate Marquardt, Rashad Evans, and GSP, and the brilliant gameplans of the team’s namesake. Deal with that, Team Link.

Semi-Related:
— Quinton Jackson is not Lyoto Machida’s biggest fan: "I mean, he’s good, he’s undefeated, but he’s boring. If I was the promoter of a show I wouldn’t have guys like that fighting on my show.” And so the trash-talk for an eventual face-off begins…

— Sore as hell from his three-round burner against Troy Mandaloniz last Saturday, Rampage’s Wolfslair teammate Paul Kelly is dropping to lightweight.

— Keith Jardine’s friendship with Rashad Evans would prevent him from fighting "Sugar" for the UFC light-heavyweight title. If it comes to that. Which it won’t.

Read More DIGG THIS

Rogan vs. Columbus II: 3/5 @ Southern Theatre


(Here’s what happened the last time Joe did a show in Columbus. Just think — you could be that drunk, Affliction-clad asshole.)

As first reported right here, UFC commentator/funnydude Joe Rogan is filming his next comedy special in March, to be broadcast on Spike TV. UFC.com has just posted this notice announcing the details:

Comedian Joe Rogan will shoot a one hour comedy special for cable TV at The Southern Theatre in Columbus, Ohio on March 5 — two days before Rampage Jackson takes on Keith Jardine at UFC 96 in Nationwide Arena. Show times are 7:00 & 10:00 PM and tickets are on sale now at all Ticketmaster outlets. Fans can read Joe’s daily blog detailing his preparations leading up to the performances at www.JoeRogan.net.
 
"If you have never seen Joe Rogan’s comedy show, you should go see him live March 5th at the Southern Theatre in Columbus," said Dana White, UFC President. "His shows are fun, exciting and are always packed; this is a great night out for UFC fans headed to Columbus for UFC 96."

In the event that you won’t be near Columbus on 3/5, at least take the above suggestion and start following Joe’s blog, where’s he’s been writing enormous and insightful posts about primate evolution, pursuing your passions amid uncertainty, and why Kellogg’s should lighten up about the Michael Phelps weed situation. Here, why don’t I just give you an excerpt from that last one:

Read More DIGG THIS

“Tappin’ Out’s for *Whores*”: Matt Serra at the 7/11


– Watch More Funny Videos

Oh this? It’s just me hangin’ out at a 7/11 on the OSU campus in Columbus with my buddy, UFC welterweight champion Matt Serra. Pretty average Saturday night, really.

Alright, let me explain. You want the long version? Good.

The hierarchy of hatred in Columbus, Ohio, seems to go like this:

1) The University of Michigan, particularly its football team and its mascot, the wolverine.
2) New Yorkers.
3) All other non-Ohio residents.

As a U of Michigan grad who’s lived in New York for the last 5+ years, I could feel their eyes as soon as I stopped into Tommy’s Pizza to take a piss. It wasn’t paranoia; they knew. I got a sense of what it must feel like for a Crip to walk through a Blood neighborhood. That’s both an apt metaphor and a totally lazy one, as most people on the Ohio State campus — where I booked my hotel, mainly out of curiosity — were flying Blood-like colors yesterday. Literally everyone under the age of 25 and over the age of 50 was decked out in Ohio State sweatshirts, jackets, hats, whatever. It turns out that the Ohio State Wrestling Championships were that weekend — fitting, since former OSU wrestling champ Mark Coleman was going to be inducted in the UFC’s Hall of Fame that night — and the sporting types of Columbus were showing their support. So here I come into Tommy’s with my black pea-coat and reptilian loafers (already I was thinking afterparty), and my big Jew nose, reeking of Ann Arbor pheromones. Forks hits plates, a record scratched.

Read More DIGG THIS
CagePotatoMMA