(Oh Michael, I just miss the days of one UFC event a month is all.) 

As BG previously lamented, it’s been kind of a depressing week in MMA news (or in his case, year). Stefan Struve tearfully discussed his father’s recent cancer diagnosis, there was a slew of firings, a once great show continued it’s downward spiral into irrelevance, and the injury curse of 2012 made sure to pop in and remind us that it was still around.

But it is always darkest before the dawn, Potato Nation. So sayeth Two-Face.

Because through all of the depressing doom and gloom reporting we brought you guys this week, you kept your heads up. You stood tall and proud. Hell, you even had the intestinal fortitude to mock others’ misfortune like we taught you to. So with our faith restored, we are proud to bring back the Comment of the Week today so at least one of you can be rewarded for your ruthless, blackened souls.

Listed after the jump are the comments that gave us some much needed laughs this week, along with a poll for you to vote on your favorite. The winner will receive one of our classic “We Pull No Punches” shirts, but make sure to submit your designs for our next t-shirt contest, as we plan on giving a bunch away in the near future.

And the nominees are…

We’ll be the first to admit that sometimes, we’re so busy trying to report on the day-to-day happenings of the MMA world that we occasionally (re:often) lose sight of some of the benefits of being an MMA site that dabbles in everything from lowbrow to subpar comedy. Mainly, our ability to give out free shit to the funniest Taters trolling the comments sections (or the forums if they are really, really lonely).

That’s why we are proud to announce that, in honor of our mobile site finally being up and running, we will be bringing back the caption contests and comments of the week on a regular basis here at CagePotato, in the hopes that you guys will stop treating us like the goth kid with psoriasis at the MMA lunch table. Believe it or not, as sour as your opinions often are, we still enjoy hearing them, especially when they come in the form of a relentlessly dark or unnecessarily crass assessment of a candid photo.

Our newest caption contest awaits you after the jump, and we will be giving our signature “We Pull No Punches” shirts (pictures below) to the top three entries. So feel free to swing for the fences on this one as many times as your heart desires.

And today’s photo is…

(Now picture the fist rapidly moving up and down.)

Remember when we brought back Comments of the Week weeks ago and I joked about how I would immediately forget about it by the following week — and then I did forget about it? That was insane, and totally unexpected. But thanks to a GIF of a guy jerking off while unconscious (i.e., “pulling a Carradine”), we’re back on track.

Today’s comment winners will receive the new version of CagePotato Devil’s Horns shirt, with the fist on the back, as pictured above. If your name is called, just e-mail contest@cagepotato.com with your name, size, and mailing address. Alright? Now let’s see who commented hardest this week…

Kaboom82 on “GIF of the Year Candidate: Kaleo Gambill Enjoys an Involuntary Post-Fight Beat-Off“:
Yo Dawg, we heard you like beatings. So we put a beating in your beating so you could watch a guy knock one out when he gets knocked out.

(Watch out for that metal thing? / Props: Maury Povich via ScreenJunkies)

God damn you, ReX13. His running gag this week inspired us to revive an old, dead CagePotato feature, in which we take a moment to recognize some of your efforts in the comments section. Will we forget about this by next Friday? Maybe. Maybe not. All we have is this moment. And now, the eight greatest comments of the week…

ReX13 on “Report: Miesha Tate to Defend Strikeforce Title Against Ronda Rousey on March 3rd” [selected highlights]:
- “If you weren’t pretty, it wouldn’t matter what you said or didn’t say. That’s why you’re getting this attention.” – Miesha Tate
- “Man, Stalin was a real asshole, killing his own people like that.” – Pol Pot
- “Wow, that Bachmann chick is stuck on turbo-crazy. The only reason people are giving her the time of day is because she’s a relatively attractive woman in the Republican party. Does she hear the words that are coming out of her mouth?” – Sarah Palin
- “Goddammit, I’ve spent fifteen years in this neighborhood trying to increase property vaules, and a whole fucking passel of kettles just moved in next door. With their hippity hop music and Tyler Perry movies…..we better get a dog, honey.” – Pot
- “Bobby Flay is kinda a douche, you guys.” – Guy Fieri
- “The Duggars should stop having children. Can they even handle the children they already have?” – Nadya “Octomom” Suleman
- “That Octomom is such an attention whore.” – Kate Gosselin
- “Fuck you, bitch.” – Nadya Suleman

ElDandy on “Video of the Day: Fabricio Werdum Is as Inappropriate as We Are and Fedor Isn’t Impressed“
Fedor’s high priest looks like every dude I’ve ever seen at a Widespread concert.

Fried Taco on “Aw Geez, Now BJ Penn is Calling Nick Diaz a Cheater“:
At least BJ is right about one thing. No one will ever accuse him of being the bigger man.

(This guy knows what I’m talking about.)

The first week of 2011 is coming to an end, and it seems like a good time to give away a few t-shirts. Fun fact: This is the third "Comments of the Week" post that we’ve published in the last three months. It almost seems like we should change the name to something…I don’t know…more fitting somehow. If you have any suggestions, we’d love to hear ‘em, because we’re absolutely stumped.

Anyway, three commenters stood out from the pack this week, setting a standard for the new year that ALL of you should be living up to. If your name is called, please send your real name, address, and shirt-size to contest@cagepotato.com and we’ll hook you up…

(Yeah, kind of!)

Everybody likes to be recognized for their work — even if it’s the "work" they do on MMA-blog comment sections when they should be actually, you know, working. And so, our first order of business: The winners of Wednesday’s impromptu Rampage-on-Dr.-Phil caption contest.

hotsaucemonster [winner]: and i guess at that moment i realized that perhaps it was me that had the nasty ass stank breff the whole time

Dana_Plight [first runner-up]: "Every guy I went to high school with, except for one, is dead. Someone poisoned the grape soda at the high school reunion. The one survivor was diabetic, he couldn’t drink grape soda…and that’s why you shouldn’t join a gang."

Maine Blazer [second runner-up]: James Toney sees two rednecks.

hotsauce, please shoot me your address and I’ll send you something nice. Dana and Maine, you guys are eligible for some CP shirts (see the end of this post). We’d also like to take some time to pay tribute to some of the week’s other comment-section power-players…

Bang-up job in the comments section this week, Potato Nation. You’ve inspired us to give away some t-shirts — but whose smart-ass contributions are worthy of being rewarded? Well…

("I’m sorry, Jenny, but my heart belongs to another.")

Great work in the comments section this week, you guys. There were a few lines in particular that we felt were worthy of recognition — and CagePotato t-shirts — but we have to warn you, some of this stuff gets a little blue. So tell your kids to leave the room, and read on…

(Make sure your speakers are turned all the way up before you hit play. Props: gonzagabjj)

As we occasionally do when it’s Friday and we’re bored — and my God are we bored — it’s time to give away some CagePotato t-shirts to the commenters who made us laugh this week. But first, a classic comment from last month that we never got around to honoring:

El Famous Burrito on "Behold Tim Sylvia’s New Belt He Will be Wearing Everywhere He Goes": Thousands of years from now, the discovery of a mayonnaise-cured vinyl belt around a giant human skeleton is going to turn ape society upside down.

And now, this week’s big winners…

danomite on "Can Anybody Explain What the F*ck Gabriel Gonzaga Is Talking About?": I love the "car have no key’ video. He should do a whole series where he’s just fascinated by technology.
This lamp…it go on when…walk by. I….no touch…buttons. I don’t have to turn on….clap twice…light go on….clap twice more time….light go off.

RWilsonR on "Hot Potato: Sarah McDowd": It’s odd, though… when I look at her, I wonder what her original nose looked like, but I have no interest in what her original breasts looked like.

smiledriver on "Video: Nick Ring – Oh No You Didn’t!": I would have sex with Nick Ring just to keep this joke going.

If your name has been called, please send your name, address, and t-shirt size to contest@cagepotato.com. Enjoy the weekend, Potato Nation.

We feel just awful that we don’t do this every week, but you guys deserve some CagePotato t-shirts for all the hard work you’ve been putting in lately. The first honoree is Brooklyn-based artist Patrick Francisco, who e-mailed us some MMA-themed highlights from his body of work, including the above interpretation of Chuck Liddell painted onto a vinyl toy. We thought it was worth sharing, so thanks Patrick.

As for the rest of the winners, we’ll just pick a few of the recent comments about how boring Jake Shields is. (Ed. Note: CagePotato.com doesn’t necessarily agree that Jake Shields is a boring fighter, but we can appreciate a good one-liner.) Here we go…

(Fight!‘s June 2010 issue, on newsstands now.)

Okay, we gotta tell you a couple-three things:

– Come back to CagePotato.com tomorrow night beginning at 10 p.m. ET for our liveblog of Strikeforce: Fedor vs. Werdum.

– Hurry up and enter some pools on MMA FightPicker. There will be no prizes for the winners, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.

– How ’bout a round of e-appaluse for the Potato Nation members who made their presence known in the comments section this week, and will be receiving one-year subscriptions to Fight! Magazine…

Disco-Platypus on "Knockout of the Week: Marlon Sandro Flattens Masanori Kanehara in 38 Seconds, Wins Sengoku Featherweight Title": The Sengoku championship may as well be labeled, "The Champion Who Would Crumble Most Quickly When Faced With American-style Wrestling."

DangadaDang on "Report: Batista Signs With Strikeforce; Opponent and Date of Debut Set to Be Announced": He is aware that no one in MMA can be brought out of a sleeper hold on the pure energy of a chanting crowd, correct?

And finally — uh-oh, get comfortable…

(Props: Johnny B. Submit your MMA fighter t-shirt designs by Sunday night, or regret it forever!)

It’s Friday afternoon, which means it’s time to give away some subscriptions to everybody’s favorite monthly MMA rag, Fight! Magazine. (By the way, the cover interview with Chael Sonnen in the May issue is worth the price of admission, so pick it up.) Three brave members of Potato Nation went above the call of duty this week…

Almost North on "Jake Shields Doesn’t Remember Most of First Round Against Hendo": 
So he missed the good part of the fight?

MoTropolis on "‘UFC Primetime: Rampage vs. Evans’ — Episode 3 Video": 
"I got him a snuggie since after I beat him retarded he is gonna be putting his clothes on backwards anyway."

(For the next few weeks, "Comments of the Week" winners will score subscriptions to our favorite MMA-rag, Fight! Magazine. Follow Fight! on Twitter, and pick up the latest issue on newsstands now. Pictured above: "Gens" himself.)

There are some people in this world who are so socially inept and abrasive in real life that they can only function on the Internet, relying on non-relationships with total strangers via message boards and blog comments. And then, there are some people who can’t even do that right. Such is the case with "thisredengine," a truly bizarre individual who showed up here out of the blue on Tuesday, and immediately tried to impress all of you by claiming the following:

– He’s pretty well-known and respected over at BloodyElbow.com, and regularly tweets with Leland Roling. He’s pretty much an unofficial staffer there.
– MMA legend "Gens" Pulver once acknowledged something he wrote.
– He’s a jet-setting world traveler, on account of his job.
– He considers himself "one of the cool kids in the MMA community."
– He considers himself and BE’s Luke Thomas to be "a level above most in MMA conversations." The readers of this site would not be able to hang on his conversation-level.
– He ignores all comments from people he doesn’t know, which on this site would be everybody.

Though many of us (including myself) begged him to fuck off and leave us alone, he refused to fuck off. And so, new contributor ReX13 hit him with what will go down in history as the "I Have a Dream" speech of CagePotato.com…

(We weren’t sure what to put up at the top of this post, so we figured, hey, Miesha Tate’s ass, right guys? Photo courtesy of Fight! Magazine.)

Praise Crom it’s Friday! Time to shout out our favorite members of the peanut gallery… 

chamby on "War Machine Returning to MMA in April, Still Out His Damn Mind": I wish that grenade on his neck would blow up already

Aptninja on "Photo Gallery: 17 Amazing MMA Event Posters": (@skeletor) Sperm sometimes move toward an egg rather than the space bar.

ReX13 on "Heads-Up: Win a $200 MMA Warehouse Gear Package in This Week’s FightPicker Prize Pools": (@JoseMonkey) Don’t think i won’t put on this entire outfit and run errands, including stopping at the bank, where i will refuse to take out my mouthpiece while i converse with the tellers. Despite the fact that i have hands so dimunitive that i refuse to go to Burger King, i will not remove my gloves. I will grasp the pen-on-a-chain with an overhand stabby grip and scrawl an approximation of my name, and mumble about "fucking staph" while they count out stacks of ones, per my request. When i am bid a good day, i will grunt the words "protein", "gym", "train", "appreciate your help and have a lovely afternoon", or some combination of preceding, and i will stalk out. I hope the rash guard won’t cover the awesome tribal armband i have planned. If you want to quit being a pencilneck, feel free to come by my gym, Keyboard Warrior, and ask for a free month’s membership (promotional code: Tap, Nap, or Snap).

Goog on "Tito Ortiz Rumorwatch: Now It’s a Neck Injury": "I tattooed my fathe, beat the pith out of Robin Giventh, and thquandered over 300 million dollarth and I’m thtill not the biggest douchebag in thith photo."

If your name has been called, please send your real name, address, and shirt size to feedback@cagepotato.com, and we’ll send you a CagePotato.com Devil Horns tee to you at some point in the near-to-distant future. 

(Looks like somebody forgot to "put that little extra in there."  Photo courtesy of The Sun.)

Now that we’ve relaunched our t-shirt giveaways, it’s like a hot load of reeking chum has been tossed into the water with you blood-crazed commenting-sharks. Y’all brought it hard this week, until we really didn’t want it anymore, and we were just waiting for you to finish so we could get some sleep. (So to speak.) Moving on…

mynameisalsoben on "Mark Coleman Has Been Going Through Some Times, Brother":
C’mon we shouldn’t be surprised here…Mark’s always been known to have a small gas tank.

mma samurai on "Herschel Walker’s MMA Debut Has Only Emboldened Jose Canseco":
What’s Canseco talking about? Cyborg is the real bad boy of sports.

Viva Hate on "Completely Unnecessary Rematch Alert: Wes Sims vs. Tim Sylvia II":
Loser needs to retire and the winner needs to retire.

And finally, the audience award for Comment of the Week:

steampunk22 on "The New York Times Attempts to Find Out Why Jesus Didn’t Tap":
Why am I not surprised? The church has been trying to tap young boys for the last thousand years!

If your name has been called, please e-mail feedback@cagepotato.com with your real name, address, and shirt size, and we’ll get a CagePotato Devil Horns shirt out to you soon. (Disclaimer: CagePotato.com’s definition of "soon" may be very different from your own.)

Some of you have been asking us why we don’t give CagePotato t-shirts away anymore. Others have been asking us why our store site has completely shit the bed. The answers to those questions are 1) Because we’re lazy, and 2) Don’t ask us, we just work here. But it’s been too long since we’ve shouted out our best commenters, and that insult ends…right now. Picking up "Devil Horns" tees this week are…

skeletor on "Get Your Sleeveless T-Shirt Out: The UFC Now Has a Gym": I think you get to train at the gym for something like $20 for the first month, but you have to come in early when no important people are around to see you. If you do well enough they will do like a multi-month contract for about $45 dollars. The more buff you get the more you have to pay, and it can get pretty out of hand. The biggest problem is if you ever leave for another gym or they kick you out for not being able to squat as much as some of the new guys, Dana will publicly berate you. He will then begin to question the the validity of you’re max on the bench, and say you only went to the friendlier less dictator like gym down the street because he didn’t want you at his gym anymore.

If you’re not ready for the UFC gym I would suggest trying out a smaller gym like Strikeforce. They have some good equipment just not nearly as much, but the fees are less, and the owner isn’t such a dick. Also they let you work out at other gyms for as long as you want, even if they take the time to build a whole workout room around your specific needs.

I hope this clears up some of the questions you had. So to sum it all up, it looks like Chuck could use some fiber in his diet.

landOencagement on "Renzo Gracie’s Only Problem Is His Wife Complaining": BJ Penn looks like the baby from Dinosaurs in that clip.
[Ed. note: OMFG.]

If your name has been called, please e-mail feedback@cagepotato.com with your address and shirt size, and we’ll get a shirt out to you pronto.

(Props to Ronnie James Dio)

Heads up, Potatomaniacs: Our new t-shirt design is being printed up as we speak, and we’re giving away the first four before they’re even available in CP’s high-tech online store. For the vision-impaired, the message on the back says "MMA Is Not a Crime." Wear it, and tell the world that you support the sport, and that you also love to party. Scoring the brand-new tees are…

GEE-yuh-TEEN on "Dr. Johnny Benjamin Sets the Record Straight Re: Piss-Drinking": You think Machida asks for his piss sample back from the NSAC after the drug tests are complete?

Brock SMASH puny human odour on "How Angry Does Quinton Jackson Get on ‘TUF’ 10?": Soon afterwards, that door had a miscarriage.

superflat on "Question of the Day: Does It Matter If No One Cares About a Fight Night’s Main Event?": Offshore barge means there’s the chance they fill-in the undercard with a monkey knife fight. And to answer your question, I’ve sat through whole episodes of "Sabado Gigante" thinking I was watching Bellator.

Damn, is it Friday already? Well, you know what time it is. (No, not peanut butter jelly time.) It’s time to give away some t-shirts to some of our LOLiest commenters. This week’s winners:

Dangada Dang on "Michael Bisping Voted the Coolest Bloke in the U.K.":
Bisping makes a good point as the last person to get him on the ground was Abu Dhabi world champion Chris Leben.

Old, Bald and Irish on "No Ortiz Announcement at Today’s Presser":
All this "Affliction: DEATHWATCH (TM)" is making me nuts. Ya know when you see something horrible happen, like a car crash, and everything is in slow motion? That’s what following Affliction is like. Except, you’ve already seen the crash and you can’t peel your eyes away from the slo-mo sight of the mangled girls body ejecting through the front windshield as her $95 Affliction t-shirt gets sheared away from her skinless naked body as it sloooooowly rips on the broken glass while her pulverized bloody carcass gets forcefully expelled from the flaming vehicle.

Kinda like that…

…except Fedor is standing there on a street corner witnessing the whole thing with an emotionless expression on his face and an ice cream cone in each hand.
[Ed. note: Suck on that, Kadumel!]

milo bling on "Randy Couture Joins Cast of Stallone’s ‘The Expendables’":
if someone invited me to see this, i wouldn’t show up. but i guess it wouldn’t really matter.
[Ed. note: You had to be there.]

If you’ve been shouted out, please send your name, address, and size to feedback@cagepotato.com to claim your CagePotato Hall of Fame t-shirt. Fuuuuuuuun!

(This is quickly turning into the “Weekly Bust Urijah Faber’s Balls Contest.” Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle, obvi.)

Between Brock Lesnar’s heavyweight championship win and Jon Fitch’s temporary firing, we probably had more comments posted on CagePotato this week than any other week in our history. I can’t know that for sure because I’m not going to sit here and count them. But you guys are really starting to chime in with your adorable little opinions, and we definitely appreciate it, so keep ‘em coming. Now the question is, who will be getting CP Hall of Fame t-shirts for going above and beyond? Answer:

Patrick on “WWE Gets Its Gloat On”: A little later on in that very same article, WWE.com writers were quoted as saying “also, most UFC fighters wear baggier fitting shorts and are not allowed to slather their hard, toned bodies with vasoline or baby oil, which makes UFC events far more difficult to masturbate to.”

TB on “Lil Fabie’s First Trip to the Strip Club”: Two and a half men

To be honest, that Urijah Faber post produced so much gold it was hard to choose just one standout. (Pat yourselves on the back OB&I, abenormal, and SB.) As for Patrick and TB, please send your address and size to feedback@cagepotato.com and we’ll get those shirts right out to you.