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21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

Tag: comments

CagePotato PSA: A Change Is Gonna Come…

Got a couple things to share with you today, Potatoheads…

- We know that CagePotato’s commenting system sucks at the moment. It’s hard to log into, it’s buggy, and it’s been completely overrun by spammers. That’s why we’ll be switching to a Facebook-login system in the near future, which will be much easier to use, and will hopefully inspire a lot more of you to stop lurking and start leaving some comments on our daily posts.

- Speaking of “overrun by spammers,” it’s time to bid adieu to the CagePotato forums. They’ve actually become dangerous from a security standpoint, and we simply don’t have the resources to update/overhaul/monitor them so that they provide a positive experience for their few remaining users. In the immediate future, they’ll still be accessible at forums.cagepotato.com, but pretty soon, they’ll be gone. They had a good run, but it’s over.

As with any change to the environment of a website you’ve been visiting for months, or even years, now is the time to throw yourself out of a window and vow that you’ll never come here again. I know that some of these changes will negatively affect some of you — the loss of your beloved usernames, no more forums or handbag spam — but this is all being done to benefit of the majority of our readers, who will hopefully have a smoother experience on our site when this is all said and done. And after that, some upgrades to our mobile site will even make browsing CagePotato on your phone less aggravating. So trust us, take our hands, and together we will march forward into a promising future. Thanks, as always, for your support.

-BG

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Comment of the Week 8/6 – The Nominees


(You’ve earned this.) 

After we took a test run with last week’s Comment of the Week survey, we weren’t really sure how you all would react when given even the smallest bit of power. Because let’s be honest, most of you (at least those who comment) come across as a “unique in a Ted Bundy way” kind of crowd. You know, the kind of people that cross names off their hitlists with lipstick and cry themselves to sleep…in a good way.

Thankfully, you managed to pick the comment that we had originally voted for as your winner, and completely validated yourselves in the process. Don’t get used to us patting you on the back, because the only thing that happens less than us writers giving you readers your due credit is you readers giving us writers ours. That being said, this week’s competition looks like it’s going to be fierce, with everything from our “If UFC Fighters Were in the Olympics” post to the downfall of Frank Trigg providing opportunities for several brilliant, if not politically incorrect and relentlessly dark, comments.

Going with the idea that one of you suggested, the comment that won last week will be carried over to see how long it can reign supreme. We are also only going to take one comment from each reader, as to keep this poll from turning into a full blown clusterfuck. On that note, join us after the jump for the best of the best, and vote on which comment you think takes the blood-flavored cake this week.

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Comment of the Week 7/30: And the Winner Is…


(Brandon Vera: Willing to take his licks in victory or defeat. Mainly defeat.) 

After collecting the top eight comments from last week and allowing you, the Potato Nation, to determine who was the funniest son of a bitch amongst you, it looks like we have a winner. With an astounding 38.5% of the votes, none other than Mr. Misanthropy’s Brandon “The Aloe” Vera comment ran away with the victory like it had just drank an entire crate of Powerthirst energy drinks. Although Vera’s fighting style was anything but soothing in his fourth round knockout loss to Mauricio Rua this past weekend, it was comments like that one that managed to finally light a fire under Vera’s ass, so an extra congrats is in order for Mr. Misanthropy’s last minute motivation.

Misanthropy (that is how you pronounce it, right?), please e-mail feedback@cagepotato.com with your real name, address, and shirt size, and we’ll get you hooked up ASAP. You can also rest assured that your comment WILL be carried over to next week’s competition as the reigning champion, but it’s looking like it will already be facing some stiff competition. Thanks to everyone who voted, and make sure to get in on the action by voting next week or, God forbid, coming up with something funny of your own!

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Open Thread: Jon Jones, And MMA’s Thin Line Between Love and Hate


(The fact that Jones stomped that rabbit to death seconds after this photo was taken did not get him any new fans either.) 

By Nathan “The12ozCurls” Smith

There are a couple of taboo topics at your local watering hole: religion and politics. These two subjects bring out the best and worst in people because the issues are argued with both an intense passion for one’s belief and ire against another’s. Both sides are unwilling to concede the debate, and when you mix in a few cocktails, it ultimately ends in name calling and/or fisticuffs. But among MMA fans, a third topic has already been added to the unwritten “Banned-Bar-Conversation-List.” I’m speaking, of course, about Jon Jones.

Over the past several days, CP has posted not one, not two, but three pieces concerning Jones and his arrest for allegedly driving under the influence of alcohol. The UFC light-heavyweight champion’s arrest was justifiably big news, and both his supporters and detractors took to the comments section to voice their opinions; the Bones-lovers came with a shield to defend Jones and the haters came with party favors to celebrate his misfortune. Here are a few representative comments left by some of you…

SquidInk
Jones haters, what’s it like being so fucking perfect?

Darkside
Everybody falls down eventually. But, that fall hurts a lot more when it’s off of your high horse.

Brobafett
oh god someone drove drunk!!!!??? what a horrible person…blah blah blah. Who gives a fuck? Its stupid he even has to apologize, he already killed his Bentley what else do you want?

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CagePotato Comments of the Week

Jenna Jameson UFC MMA
("Mommmmm, you’re embarassing me!")

Netterbog on "Jenna Jameson Gives Birth to Two Lil’ Tito’s": As #2 was turtle-heading its way out, I wonder if Tito gazed lovingly into Jenna’s eyes and said, "let me tell you how you’re feeling right now."
[Ed. note: "Babe, made you me the happiest on Earth man."]

Ted Nutmeg on "Karo Parisyan Suspended, Fined, Stripped of Last Win, and Told ‘Good Day’ by NSAC": Commissioner John Bailey’s statement that the NSAC "can’t have fighters drifting in and out of reality" should have far-reaching implications. At a minimum, I foresee lifetime bans for B.J. Penn, Tim Sylvia, Tito Ortiz, Patrick Cote’s friends, and anyone who has ever had any affiliation with the Lion’s Den at any point in his life.

FEDORISAPUSSY on "Must-See: Franky Van Hove, the One-Legged MMA Fighter": Talk about a one legged man in an ass kicking contest!
[Ed. note: For real. I bet Franky's cornermen never have to tell him to "stay busy".]

Marcer on "BJ Penn to Possibly Form Cult, Lead Unholy Army of Martial Arts Instructors": I came across a few examples of the classes that will be offered at this camp:
"PENN 101 – Maintaining narcissism in the face of adverse reality
PENN 213 – Increasing Chi by consuming blood
PENN 122 – The fundamentals of shit talking
PENN 203 – Cooking with a deep fat fryer – With a short intermission to cover cardiovascular training in its entirety"

If your name has been called, e-mail feedback@cagepotato.com with your name, address, and shirt-size, and we’ll get a CP "Hall of Fame" t-shirt out to you post-haste!

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CagePotato Comments of the Week


("It is our destiny to become an advanced race and to kill the earth in the process, only in all probability to be crushed by an even more advanced and complexed system. One day we will find other human like creatures that have noses on their arms and we will find them ugly and they will find us ugly." More from this insane rant after the jump! Photo props to HolyTaco.)

Dana Mother F$%king White on "Aleks Emelianenko Leaves Red Devil, Continues to Pretend That He Can Fight in America": Instead of hatin’ on him, ya’ll should Hepa brother out.
[Ed. note: ZING!]

El Famous Burrito on "The Potato Index: UFC 96 Aftermath": The UFC needs to get Vince from the Shamwow commercials to pitch title fights to guys:
"Ok Rampage, if you act now, and call your manager in the next 20 minutes, because we can’t do this all day, we’ll send you to Vegas to fight Rashad Evans for the title. And as a bonus we’ll throw in a fight at UFC 99, because we all know the Germans need good fights, you can even use the Shamwow to wipe down those greasy Jackson fighters. You’ll be saying wow every time."
[Ed. note: Hey, it worked for Lyoto "SlapChop" Machida.]

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CagePotato Comments of the Week


(Seems like a pretty good way to throw out your back.)

Before we get into this week’s t-shirt winners, we’d like to announce that CagePotato.com now has its own Facebook page. Become a fan, and allow us to infect your lives even further… 

Myles Kilometers on "Videos: Maia’s ‘Science of Jiu-Jitsu,’ Ken Shamrock’s Life Story + More": Before I "jumped" I assumed the "weak old man gets beat up by an MMA fighter" was just more recent Ken Shamrock footage.

The Carpenter on "Videos: Maia’s ‘Science of Jiu-Jitsu,’ Ken Shamrock’s Life Story + More": Close Call. Jesus of Nazareth could definitely take more punishment but his chin was suspect. However, Guida is tough enough to actually fight back, even if he just hugs his opponents. Jesus is tougher in a sense that he can take more punishment, but Clay could probably kick his ass.

In one way, Jesus was a better carpenter because he was more accurate and he took it more seriously. Clay on the other hand, participates in fighting and it is his main source of income so he doesn’t take carpentry as seriously. However, Clay has the better and more advanced tools, so I’d have to say he could build a better spice rack if he had to.

punchguyinface on: "Kirill Sidelnikov, Of All People, Tests Positive for Steroids": that Kirill guy puts the lol in Stanozolol

Brian W on "Is ‘UFC 2009 Undisputed’ in Jeopardy?"
up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, A, B, A, B, Select, Start
That’s the code to unlock Harold Howard. You’re welcome.

If you’re a big winner, send your name, address, and shirt size to feedback@cagepotato.com and we’ll get a "Hall of Fame" shirt out to you ASAP. 

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CagePotato’s Greasiest Comments of the Week


(It looks like GSP learned some of his moves from YouTube too…)

andrewm on "LubeGate Break: For the Sake of Your Sanity": I wish Vermont Teddy Bear Company would start promoting, just so i can hear Dana say, "those fuckin teddy bear guys."

CoconutSkin on "LubeGate Break: For the Sake of Your Sanity": Can we please stop calling it LubeGate, it just doesn’t roll off the tongue. I have found the solution (to more than just this problem) is LubriGate.
[Ed. note: You're right; that slips off the tongue like feet off of a greased-up French-Canadian's back.]

Kadumel on "Trainers Speak Out on St. Pierre Greasing Controversy": For someone with grease on his back, St. Pierre sure did punch BJ in the face a lot.

TUF Guy’s Dad on "Chiappetta: NSAC ‘Doesn’t Really Have a Leg to Stand On’…": Dammit son, you’re embarrassing me
[Ed. note: Thanks for trying to get him in line, TGD. We simply don't know what to do with the boy anymore...]

Alright fellas — send your names, addresses and t-shirt sizes to feedback@cagepotato.com and we’ll send you a CagePotato "Hall of Fame" tee pronto. By the way, if you haven’t won a shirt from one of these weekly giveaways yet, you probably never will, so you might as well just bite the bullet and buy one.

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CagePotato Comments of the Week

Gegard Mousasi Tito Ortiz MMA Affliction
(Gegard Mousasi accidentally interrupts Tito Ortiz’s brilliance at "Day of Reckoning" last Saturday. No, this has nothing to do with your comments; I just thought it was hilarious. Props to VIPete/Gnarly219.)

Scoring the CagePotato "Hall of Fame" t-shirts this week are…

realNick on "Affliction Payouts Are as Ludicrous as You Expect…": Never realized ‘Arlovski 360′ actually stood for the spin Arlovski makes when he gets knocked out.

schnetzler on "Ben vs. Ben: UFC 94 Edition": just to piss you guys off, let’s rhyme more names on the card…

Georges "The Grizzly Bear" St Pierre
BJ "Mother Hen" Penn
Stephan "Badge of Honor" Bonnar
Dong Hyun "Trim and Prim" Kim
Jon "Nobody’s Bitch" Fitch
Akihiro "Oh No" Gono
John "Powered" Howard
Dan "The Shamer" Cramer

Outstanding. If your name has been called, please e-mail us at feedback@cagepotato.com with your real name, address, and shirt-size.

***

UNRELATED REMINDER: Fowlkes will be liveblogging UFC 94 tomorrow night from the MGM Grand Garden Arena, beginning at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT. Do not, under any circumstances, miss it.

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CagePotato Comments of the Week

Jeff Monson police MMA UFC riot
("Listen bro, you rough up your girlfriend or one of your multiple wives, that’s your business. But when you assault a grandfather clock, somebody has to go to jail.")

Hey, who wants a CagePotato t-shirt? Oh yeah? So buy one you cheap bastard. (For one thing, they’re great for hiding your gynecomastia.) Here are the witty commenters who will be getting their shirts for free:

The irish car bomb on "War Machine: ‘F*ck an Obama’":
w washed up
a ass hole
r retarded mother fucker

m mentally ill (expects sympathy hahaha)
a arguably gay
c cant hold back a full face of tears on every occasion he gets
h he acts like a little bitch
i i dont even know why he gets this much attention hes such a loser
n never going to fight in any company worth mentioning ever again
e evan tanner is one of the most respectable people in mma history so go home
and cry yourself to sleep little johnny
[Ed. note: MY GOD THIS ACROSTIC]

agentsmith on "Gambling Addiction Enabler: Affliction’s Day of Reckoning": The nostrils truly are the windows to the soul

Jugger on "Monson Update: Ex-Girlfriend to Turn in More Graffiti Pictures to Authorities": Check it out! Steph just updated her facebook status:
"I was going to rat on Monson for cheating on me and two other women, but some creepy stalker named ‘Crap Factory’ explained to me how wrong I am for answering the Cop’s questions about my ex’s past exploits. I’ve decided to forgive him for wasting a year of my life, lying to me, possibly giving me an STD, getting violent with me, and basically kicking me in vag while I was down. Thanks Crap Factory! You are my new moral compass!"

If your name has been called, please e-mail feedback@cagepotato.com with your real name, address, and size, and we’ll have a shirt out to you in 6-8 months. 

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