(You’ve earned this.) 

After we took a test run with last week’s Comment of the Week survey, we weren’t really sure how you all would react when given even the smallest bit of power. Because let’s be honest, most of you (at least those who comment) come across as a “unique in a Ted Bundy way” kind of crowd. You know, the kind of people that cross names off their hitlists with lipstick and cry themselves to sleep…in a good way.

Thankfully, you managed to pick the comment that we had originally voted for as your winner, and completely validated yourselves in the process. Don’t get used to us patting you on the back, because the only thing that happens less than us writers giving you readers your due credit is you readers giving us writers ours. That being said, this week’s competition looks like it’s going to be fierce, with everything from our “If UFC Fighters Were in the Olympics” post to the downfall of Frank Trigg providing opportunities for several brilliant, if not politically incorrect and relentlessly dark, comments.

Going with the idea that one of you suggested, the comment that won last week will be carried over to see how long it can reign supreme. We are also only going to take one comment from each reader, as to keep this poll from turning into a full blown clusterfuck. On that note, join us after the jump for the best of the best, and vote on which comment you think takes the blood-flavored cake this week.

(Brandon Vera: Willing to take his licks in victory or defeat. Mainly defeat.) 

After collecting the top eight comments from last week and allowing you, the Potato Nation, to determine who was the funniest son of a bitch amongst you, it looks like we have a winner. With an astounding 38.5% of the votes, none other than Mr. Misanthropy’s Brandon “The Aloe” Vera comment ran away with the victory like it had just drank an entire crate of Powerthirst energy drinks. Although Vera’s fighting style was anything but soothing in his fourth round knockout loss to Mauricio Rua this past weekend, it was comments like that one that managed to finally light a fire under Vera’s ass, so an extra congrats is in order for Mr. Misanthropy’s last minute motivation.

Misanthropy (that is how you pronounce it, right?), please e-mail feedback@cagepotato.com with your real name, address, and shirt size, and we’ll get you hooked up ASAP. You can also rest assured that your comment WILL be carried over to next week’s competition as the reigning champion, but it’s looking like it will already be facing some stiff competition. Thanks to everyone who voted, and make sure to get in on the action by voting next week or, God forbid, coming up with something funny of your own!

(The fact that Jones stomped that rabbit to death seconds after this photo was taken did not get him any new fans either.) 

By Nathan “The12ozCurls” Smith

There are a couple of taboo topics at your local watering hole: religion and politics. These two subjects bring out the best and worst in people because the issues are argued with both an intense passion for one’s belief and ire against another’s. Both sides are unwilling to concede the debate, and when you mix in a few cocktails, it ultimately ends in name calling and/or fisticuffs. But among MMA fans, a third topic has already been added to the unwritten “Banned-Bar-Conversation-List.” I’m speaking, of course, about Jon Jones.

Over the past several days, CP has posted not one, not two, but three pieces concerning Jones and his arrest for allegedly driving under the influence of alcohol. The UFC light-heavyweight champion’s arrest was justifiably big news, and both his supporters and detractors took to the comments section to voice their opinions; the Bones-lovers came with a shield to defend Jones and the haters came with party favors to celebrate his misfortune. Here are a few representative comments left by some of you…

SquidInk
Jones haters, what’s it like being so fucking perfect?

Darkside
Everybody falls down eventually. But, that fall hurts a lot more when it’s off of your high horse.

Brobafett
oh god someone drove drunk!!!!??? what a horrible person…blah blah blah. Who gives a fuck? Its stupid he even has to apologize, he already killed his Bentley what else do you want?

("Mommmmm, you’re embarassing me!")

Netterbog on "Jenna Jameson Gives Birth to Two Lil’ Tito’s": As #2 was turtle-heading its way out, I wonder if Tito gazed lovingly into Jenna’s eyes and said, "let me tell you how you’re feeling right now."
[Ed. note: "Babe, made you me the happiest on Earth man."]

Ted Nutmeg on "Karo Parisyan Suspended, Fined, Stripped of Last Win, and Told ‘Good Day’ by NSAC": Commissioner John Bailey’s statement that the NSAC "can’t have fighters drifting in and out of reality" should have far-reaching implications. At a minimum, I foresee lifetime bans for B.J. Penn, Tim Sylvia, Tito Ortiz, Patrick Cote’s friends, and anyone who has ever had any affiliation with the Lion’s Den at any point in his life.

FEDORISAPUSSY on "Must-See: Franky Van Hove, the One-Legged MMA Fighter": Talk about a one legged man in an ass kicking contest!
[Ed. note: For real. I bet Franky's cornermen never have to tell him to "stay busy".]

Marcer on "BJ Penn to Possibly Form Cult, Lead Unholy Army of Martial Arts Instructors": I came across a few examples of the classes that will be offered at this camp:
"PENN 101 – Maintaining narcissism in the face of adverse reality
PENN 213 – Increasing Chi by consuming blood
PENN 122 – The fundamentals of shit talking
PENN 203 – Cooking with a deep fat fryer – With a short intermission to cover cardiovascular training in its entirety"

If your name has been called, e-mail feedback@cagepotato.com with your name, address, and shirt-size, and we’ll get a CP "Hall of Fame" t-shirt out to you post-haste!

("It is our destiny to become an advanced race and to kill the earth in the process, only in all probability to be crushed by an even more advanced and complexed system. One day we will find other human like creatures that have noses on their arms and we will find them ugly and they will find us ugly." More from this insane rant after the jump! Photo props to HolyTaco.)

Dana Mother F$%king White on "Aleks Emelianenko Leaves Red Devil, Continues to Pretend That He Can Fight in America": Instead of hatin’ on him, ya’ll should Hepa brother out.
[Ed. note: ZING!]

El Famous Burrito on "The Potato Index: UFC 96 Aftermath": The UFC needs to get Vince from the Shamwow commercials to pitch title fights to guys:
"Ok Rampage, if you act now, and call your manager in the next 20 minutes, because we can’t do this all day, we’ll send you to Vegas to fight Rashad Evans for the title. And as a bonus we’ll throw in a fight at UFC 99, because we all know the Germans need good fights, you can even use the Shamwow to wipe down those greasy Jackson fighters. You’ll be saying wow every time."
[Ed. note: Hey, it worked for Lyoto "SlapChop" Machida.]

(Seems like a pretty good way to throw out your back.)

Before we get into this week’s t-shirt winners, we’d like to announce that CagePotato.com now has its own Facebook page. Become a fan, and allow us to infect your lives even further… 

Myles Kilometers on "Videos: Maia’s ‘Science of Jiu-Jitsu,’ Ken Shamrock’s Life Story + More": Before I "jumped" I assumed the "weak old man gets beat up by an MMA fighter" was just more recent Ken Shamrock footage.

The Carpenter on "Videos: Maia’s ‘Science of Jiu-Jitsu,’ Ken Shamrock’s Life Story + More": Close Call. Jesus of Nazareth could definitely take more punishment but his chin was suspect. However, Guida is tough enough to actually fight back, even if he just hugs his opponents. Jesus is tougher in a sense that he can take more punishment, but Clay could probably kick his ass.

In one way, Jesus was a better carpenter because he was more accurate and he took it more seriously. Clay on the other hand, participates in fighting and it is his main source of income so he doesn’t take carpentry as seriously. However, Clay has the better and more advanced tools, so I’d have to say he could build a better spice rack if he had to.

punchguyinface on: "Kirill Sidelnikov, Of All People, Tests Positive for Steroids": that Kirill guy puts the lol in Stanozolol

Brian W on "Is ‘UFC 2009 Undisputed’ in Jeopardy?": 
up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, A, B, A, B, Select, Start
That’s the code to unlock Harold Howard. You’re welcome.

If you’re a big winner, send your name, address, and shirt size to feedback@cagepotato.com and we’ll get a "Hall of Fame" shirt out to you ASAP. 

(It looks like GSP learned some of his moves from YouTube too…)

andrewm on "LubeGate Break: For the Sake of Your Sanity": I wish Vermont Teddy Bear Company would start promoting, just so i can hear Dana say, "those fuckin teddy bear guys."

CoconutSkin on "LubeGate Break: For the Sake of Your Sanity": Can we please stop calling it LubeGate, it just doesn’t roll off the tongue. I have found the solution (to more than just this problem) is LubriGate.
[Ed. note: You're right; that slips off the tongue like feet off of a greased-up French-Canadian's back.]

Kadumel on "Trainers Speak Out on St. Pierre Greasing Controversy": For someone with grease on his back, St. Pierre sure did punch BJ in the face a lot.

TUF Guy’s Dad on "Chiappetta: NSAC ‘Doesn’t Really Have a Leg to Stand On’…": Dammit son, you’re embarrassing me
[Ed. note: Thanks for trying to get him in line, TGD. We simply don't know what to do with the boy anymore...]

Alright fellas — send your names, addresses and t-shirt sizes to feedback@cagepotato.com and we’ll send you a CagePotato "Hall of Fame" tee pronto. By the way, if you haven’t won a shirt from one of these weekly giveaways yet, you probably never will, so you might as well just bite the bullet and buy one.

(Gegard Mousasi accidentally interrupts Tito Ortiz’s brilliance at "Day of Reckoning" last Saturday. No, this has nothing to do with your comments; I just thought it was hilarious. Props to VIPete/Gnarly219.)

Scoring the CagePotato "Hall of Fame" t-shirts this week are…

realNick on "Affliction Payouts Are as Ludicrous as You Expect…": Never realized ‘Arlovski 360′ actually stood for the spin Arlovski makes when he gets knocked out.

schnetzler on "Ben vs. Ben: UFC 94 Edition": just to piss you guys off, let’s rhyme more names on the card…

Georges "The Grizzly Bear" St Pierre
BJ "Mother Hen" Penn
Stephan "Badge of Honor" Bonnar
Dong Hyun "Trim and Prim" Kim
Jon "Nobody’s Bitch" Fitch
Akihiro "Oh No" Gono
John "Powered" Howard
Dan "The Shamer" Cramer

Outstanding. If your name has been called, please e-mail us at feedback@cagepotato.com with your real name, address, and shirt-size.

***

UNRELATED REMINDER: Fowlkes will be liveblogging UFC 94 tomorrow night from the MGM Grand Garden Arena, beginning at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT. Do not, under any circumstances, miss it.

("Listen bro, you rough up your girlfriend or one of your multiple wives, that’s your business. But when you assault a grandfather clock, somebody has to go to jail.")

Hey, who wants a CagePotato t-shirt? Oh yeah? So buy one you cheap bastard. (For one thing, they’re great for hiding your gynecomastia.) Here are the witty commenters who will be getting their shirts for free:

The irish car bomb on "War Machine: ‘F*ck an Obama’":
w washed up
a ass hole
r retarded mother fucker

m mentally ill (expects sympathy hahaha)
a arguably gay
c cant hold back a full face of tears on every occasion he gets
h he acts like a little bitch
i i dont even know why he gets this much attention hes such a loser
n never going to fight in any company worth mentioning ever again
e evan tanner is one of the most respectable people in mma history so go home
and cry yourself to sleep little johnny
[Ed. note: MY GOD THIS ACROSTIC]

agentsmith on "Gambling Addiction Enabler: Affliction’s Day of Reckoning": The nostrils truly are the windows to the soul

Jugger on "Monson Update: Ex-Girlfriend to Turn in More Graffiti Pictures to Authorities": Check it out! Steph just updated her facebook status:
"I was going to rat on Monson for cheating on me and two other women, but some creepy stalker named ‘Crap Factory’ explained to me how wrong I am for answering the Cop’s questions about my ex’s past exploits. I’ve decided to forgive him for wasting a year of my life, lying to me, possibly giving me an STD, getting violent with me, and basically kicking me in vag while I was down. Thanks Crap Factory! You are my new moral compass!"

If your name has been called, please e-mail feedback@cagepotato.com with your real name, address, and size, and we’ll have a shirt out to you in 6-8 months. 

(Shhh, Kyra‘s sleeping.)

OMFGLOL, you guys…

shitwhistle on ‘Gambling Addiction Enabler: UFC 93‘: I saw that pic on hotchickswithdouchebags.com 
[Ed. note: Why don't you have a seat over there...]

Clyde on ‘Kyra Gracie in VIP Magazine‘: Just remember if she’s on top of you, don’t reach for the boobs. You’re just asking to get armbarred.
[Ed. note: See, isn't that better than the endless "triangle choke" gags?]

‘Whistle and Clyde, please send your names, addresses and shirt-sizes to feedback@cagepotato.com, and we’ll mail you a "Hall of Fame" tee at our earliest convenience. Keep rockin’ the comments, everybody — they bring joy to our lives.

(UFC 97: Big Building vs. Lightning Bolt. Tickets now available at ConvolutedMetaphor.com.)

Hey, sorry we haven’t done t-shirt giveaways in a few weeks — that’s on us, player. But there’s been a lot of commenter brilliance happening lately, so let’s do this…

Lysol on "Rampage Pleads Guilty to Reckless Driving…": I want to see two guest lectures in the near future: The Importance of Sleep, Nutrition, and Exercise by Rampage Jackson and Black Belt Jiu Jitsu Grappling by Tank Abbott.

??? on "Kimbo Slice Has a ‘Boxing Machine’":
http://i713.photobucket.com/albums/ww133/CrushCo/Kimbo.jpg
[Ed. note: This comment somehow disappeared from the post, so we don't know who sent it in or what the exact setup was, but it was something along the lines of "Check out the prize I got from playing this game," and it was kind of amazing.]

John Kimble on "This Just In: MMA Is Finished, XARM to Take Over": Lyoto Machida and Kalib Starnes would be awful at this.

And finally, this idiot-savant-like exchange on our current poll:

If you happen to be any of these people (except for the multiple Anonymouses, because if you can’t come up with a clever screen-name, you’re ineligible to win) and you want a CagePotato "Hall of Fame" t-shirt, send your name, size, and address to feedback@cagepotato.com. And have a great day!

(A fist-medallion-less Kimbo Slice arrives in Japan for his guest-commentator gig at tomorrow’s K-1 event in Yokohama. Props to FightOpinion.)

It’s Friday, which means it’s time to give away some t-shirts. Covering their torsos with soft cotton this week will be:

xogcx on "Strikeforce Payouts Prove You Can Still Get Your Bread Outside of the UFC": A real Xmas? Not like the time I cut my long hair to buy Kimbo some medallion shine and he sold his Gold fist medallion to buy me a brush for my pretty hair…..we learned a lot of about real love and real WORK!
[Ed. note: O. Henry references are always appreciated on this site.]

Poop Chute on "WEC 37 Liveblog: Small But Mighty": There’s another championship match happening tonight: My Hand vs. My Penis. It’s their 103,767th rematch. I always win. Except for those three "no contests".
[Ed. note: I just checked the Sherdog Fight Finder profile for Poop Chute's hand. Those three no-contests were due to unintentional eye-pokes.]

Mr. xogcx and Mr. Poop, please send your real names, addresses, and sizes to feedback@cagepotato.com and we’ll send you those shirts right away. Bro-hugs to all our brilliant commenters. (Even you, anonymous!)

(This is a totally undoctored photo, we swear.)

Picking up the free t-shirts this week are…

Gunny on “Urijah Faber Not Getting Taken Advantage Of?”: If I’m not mistaken, he is half ballchinian on his mother’s side.

MarMAr on “Efrain Escudero’s TUF 8 Blog: Episode 9″: Anyone notice how bad the editing can be sometimes? Sometimes they have haircuts, sometimes Vinny’s hair is blonde, other times Tom is on top of Kaplan, and then Kaplan is on top of Tom.

Steve W. on “MMA Agents Unite to Block Pro Elite Contract Auction”: Conspicuous by his absence is the one and only “Icy” Mike.

Gunny, Mar, and Steve, please e-mail feedback@cagepotato.com with your addresses and sizes, and we’ll get those “Hall of Fame” t-shirts out to you ASAP. As for the rest of you, there will be plenty of opportunity to creatively toss in your two cents during our liveblog of UFC 91 on Saturday. Don’t miss it!

(“The belt, the flannel, and the bible — only these three things are sacred.” Photo courtesy of MMA Weekly.)

In an effort to get more of you bastards walking around as human billboards for CagePotato.com, we’re going to start giving away CP “Hall of Fame” t-shirts to our two favorite comments of the week. (Well, out of the ones we actually read, at least.) This week’s honorees are:

Krazy Kracker on “Paulo Filho Has No Excuse”: This is no laughing matter you guys. Earlier tonight Filho was complaining of chest pains and was rushed to the nearest emergency room. After several tests doctors have comfirmed that instead of a heart, Paulo has a gigantic clitoris pumping pure estrogen through his veins. The flow of estrogen can only be slowed by wearing sleeveless flannel shirts and resting on your back once every minute. Usually cutting weight is no problem if he can time his fights into that five day window all clitoris owners have once a month, where he can purge himself of roughly ten pounds of pesky blood, but Hurricane Ike threw a wrench in his plans. Without being whipped into a PMS induced rage, we saw his true colors… a typical moody bitch, yelling at someone to do chores from the other room, looking for rich men to lay at MMA events and falling into missionary position whenever a man gets within three feet. A sad day for the sport indeed. According to Filho’s manager “All we need is four days, a lot of chocolate, sweatpants and a copy of Sleepless in Seattle and Paulo will be back in the cage the THIRD week of any month you’d like.”

(We know how you feel. Image courtesy of HolyTaco; click for larger image.)

By now, most of you are aware that leaving comments on this site is a royal fucking pain in the ass to the tenth power. There isn’t a day that goes by where we don’t get e-mails from readers complaining about the “You’re posting comments too fast” error message, and we just wanted to let you know that yes, we are aware of the problem. In fact, it should be fixed by this weekend. Chalk it up to our tremendous growth clashing with the shitty Wordpress template that we launched on. As Marlo Stanfield would say, “it’s one of them good problems.” Anyway, once everything is working properly, we’ll let you know, and we hope that those of you who gave up trying to leave comments will re-emerge from the shadows of lurkery. Any blog lives and dies by its community of readers, the two-way exchange of information, etc., and you’re all very important to us. Thanks so much for your patience.

Speaking of our community of readers, we’re happy to announce that something else on our site which was previously plagued with bugs — our forums section — is now fully operational again. In the month-and-a-half or so when this thing was actually working, it was a great place to discuss news stories after they dropped off the front page, trade outlandish rumors, and post pics of Marisa Miller. Unless you’re already committed to being a retarded Sherdogger (boooooo!), please register and help us build the coolest MMA forum on the web.

Oh, and one more thing: Though it’s never been broken, our Wiki section is just not very well-traveled. So whenever you’re bored, please search for your favorite fighter’s page and add some info/photos/links, or correct any inaccuracies. We’re currently in the process of building that up as well, and one day we hope to make it the most complete and entertaining collection of fighter bios on any MMA site.

Thanks again for all your support…

— BG