(“I’ll be there in a minute, mom. First I need to go pwn these noobs on CagePotato.”)

After reading through the entries for this week’s caption contest, we have one thing to say: “Damn we miss our old kids. Those fuckers were funny and they didn’t bitch a quarter as much as you little bastards.”

But like any good parent, we just smile and lie through our teeth when we tell everyone how smart and great you ugly neanderthals are. We’re stuck with you, so we might as well make the best of it, right…*cough….Xeno…cough*?

Anyway, since we had to pick a winner, we chose the three that sucked the least. Seriously. We gave you guys three chances to knock it out of the park and the best you did was the equivalent LOL-wise of a Family Circus comic? Son, I am disappoint.

Check them out below, and remember that it ain’t easy to be funny, as you can tell by most of the entries we received.

*drops mic and walks away like Andrew Dice Clay*

(“I’d like you to go in there and switch outfits with Ewan. And that’s not a suggestion if you ever want to work in Hollywood again.”)

We had some somewhat hilarious (and many, many more not so hilarious) entries in last week’s Haywire caption contest, but unfortunately for everyone else who wanted a shirt with a picture of Gina Carano choking out Michael Fassbender on it, there can only be one winner.

First, let’s take a look at our runners up, who win nothing but the satisfaction of knowing they made someone nearly laugh kinda smile with something they posted on the Internet.

Here are some of our *other* favorites in no particular order:

Kid Clam Curtains:
Steven: “…so you combine the two words and you get the term ‘gunt’.”
.
Gina: “Haha NOW it makes sense.”
.
Ewan: “Wait, I still don’t get it.”

Tyr:
Ewan McGregor: “Ooohhh you beat up people for a living, i thought you said beat off…. Well this is awkward.”

NomadRip:
Soderbergh: “Seriously. That guy that just left. Paxton or Pullman? I have no idea.”

scottdy:
“You realize I could kill you and the chick with the scarf in the blink of any eye?”

shatterproof:
Gina Carano and Ewan McGregor meet a young jewish boy riddled with cancer. Another wish fulfilled.

Check out the winner after the jump.

(“Avehay ouyay eensay atwhay wanehay is earingway?” “I owknay. I inkthay atthay is ymay arfscay.” “Guys, I know pig latin. And Gina, you can have your scarf back after the premiere.”)

The fine folks at Relativity Media have generously offered us a Haywire prize-pack to give away to one lucky reader who comes up with the best caption for the photo above.

The rules are simple: post your best (or worst) subtitle for the candid shot of Gina Carano, Ewan McGregor and Steven Soderbergh  above from last week’s premiere for the film in the comment section by 6:00 pm ET today for your chance to take home some swag from the movie including a Haywire t-shirt, bracelet and mini-poster. One entry per reader. The winner will be announced Monday.

With 10 correct entries out of 32 submissions, the odds of winning this Hayabusa-sponsored UFC 140 contest were better than most, but as with most things in life, (except for stupid sports like doubles tennis and two-man bobsled) there can only be one winner.

We’ve partnered up with our friends at Hayabusa for another awesome contest for UFC 140 in Toronto, Ontario, which just happens to be where the company is based out of. Because they’ve had a banner year and their athletes have enjoyed a great amount of success in 2011, they have once again raised the bar with the incredible prize package they put together for the winner.

The rules are simple.

In the attached gallery, you will find a collection of snapshots of action from fights from the past year that feature at least one, and in some cases two, Hayabusa-sponsored fighters. Your job is to do your homework and figure out which event the bout depicted took place at, which fighter or fighters are depicted in each photo and determine which of them are actually Hayabusa-sponsored. Some are obvious due to the huge “Hayabusa” logo on their shorts, but others will take a bit more digging. If you look for other photos of the fight or scour through the videos in your DVD collection, you’ll find the answers.

Trust us, it’s worth the effort.

One entry per person emailed to contest@cagepotato.com by midnight Sunday December 11. To be eligible you need to sign up for the Hayabusa newsletter on the company’s website and “Like” their Facebook page HERE.

In the case that there is more than one winner, a name will be drawn out of all of the correct answers.

Check out the prizes after the jump.

CagePotatos Cage Cameo Contest – Watch MoreFunny Videos

We had several entries in what was likely our toughest contest to date. As always, you guys showed that you’re passionate fans of our site and the sport — either that or you just like free stuff.

Anyway,  before we get into announcing who the winner is, here are the official correct answers:

1. Don Frye in “Big Stan” (2007)

2. Acclaimed coach Shawn Tompkins (hitting the bag), Frank “Johnny Cage” Colcher and Trevor “Hollywood” Harris (both sparring in ring) in “Sons of Anarchy” (2010)

3. UFC 1 tooth loser Teila Tuli AKA Taylor Wily in “Forgetting “Sarah Marshall” (2008)

4. Maurice Smith (the fatherless bastard) in “Miami Connection” (1987)

5. Cage Potato reporter molester Quinton “Rampage” Jackson in “The Midnight Meat Train” (2008)

6. UFC founder Rorian Gracie (Mexican restaurant maitre d’) in “Hart to Hart” 1983

7. Cunning linguist Tito Ortiz in “The Crow: Wicked Prayer” (2005)

8. Rapist and murderer Joe Son (fighting Bolo Yeung) and Mike Bernardo (cornerman shouting encouragement to Yeung) in Shootfighter 2 (1996)

9. MMA legend and all around good guy (unless you accost his wife in a bar) Bas Rutten  in Zookeeper (2011)

10. MMA trainer extraordinaire Steven Seagal, Randy Couture (answers door and gets KO’d by Seagal) and Karo Parisyan (thug number two that Seagal KOs) in “Today You Die” (2005)

11. UFC Hall-of-Famer Ken Shamrock in “That 70′s Show” (1999)

12. Raving lunatic Harold Howard (wild-eyed murderous gladiator) in “Gladiator Cop” (1995)

13. Rickson Gracie in “The Incredible Hulk” (2008)

14.Stephen Quadros (dude with the animated facial expressions) in “Demon Wind” (1990)

15. Patrick Smith’s first UFC 2 victim Ray Wizard (gang leader) in “The Master” AKA “Long Xing Tian Xia” (1992)

16. Joe Rogan in “Zookeeper” (2011

17. Chuck Liddell (Boy Scout catching orange) in “The Postman Always Rings Twice” (1981)

(Video courtesy of YouTube/Us)

Do you fancy yourself an aficionado of obscure cameos by MMA fighters and personalities in movies and TV shows? Do you like cool MMA gear?

If you answered “YES” to either of the questions above, you may have a slim chance of winning a sweet prize package from our friends at Hayabusa valued at approximately $300.

Here’s the deal: Tomorrow we will post a video with a variety of obscure and not so obscure clips from various films and television programs featuring fighters, commentators and innovators from the sport of MMA. To enter, drop us an email at contest@cagepotato.com with the name each movie and show and the MMA personality that appeared in it. Simple.

The clip above is an easy tune-up for you to get you ready for tomorrow, but be warned, some of the clips we’ve dug up are so random you might have to do a little detective work to identify who is in them. Seriously…we didn’t even know some of these movies existed and that some of these fighters even knew what a script was.

Remember to check back in tomorrow morning for the official video for the contest. The deadline will be Friday at 12:00 pm ET, so get your entry in early. One submission per reader and if no entrant is correct, we will choose the person with the “most correct” answers. If more than one entry is deemed a winner, all of the “winning” entries will be put into a random draw.

Yeah, just put a bucket in that one hand, sponge there, maybe some Mr. Clean and boom, you got yourself an entry.

Heads up, Potato Nation, we wanted to turn you on to an opportunity to lay in to some cool free stuff from Vladimir Matyushenko, just between us. Now, don’t tell nobody but a friend of the Potato dropped us a line about a contest running on everybody’s favorite social networks to hate on, and it sounded like it might be right up our alley.

Vladdy and his friends have been amusing themselves with #JanitorTips on Twitter, and they’ve decided to issue an open challenge for the most hilarious/memorable/violently amusing tips. Some examples thus far:

- Janitors don’t tell jokes, they deliver punchlines. #janitortips

- Breaking news: Toronto’s garbage collectors will be going on strike April 30th because @vladthejanitor is taking out the trash #janitortips

-Every janitor should be able to sweep, mop, and ankle pick. #janitortips

(You still care about these guys, right? Image courtesy of MMA Weekly.)

Good morning, Potato Nation. It may interest you to know that there’s still eight days left to enter our UFC 98 sweepstakes, in which one of you lucky bastards will score an all-expenses-paid trip to Las Vegas, where you’ll get to watch Rashad vs. Lyoto, Matt vs. Matt, and more great fights in person. Refresh yourself with the rules here, and get your entries in by 11:59 p.m. PST on Monday, May 11th.

And one more thing: To those cynical commenters who thought this was some sort of scam, it honestly isn’t — it’s just not free, that’s all. Someone is really going to win a $3,000 UFC prize package with a minimum total investment of $0.99. (Or the cost of a postcard and a stamp, if you don’t have AT&T or Verizon Wireless and you decide to go that route.) Think of it as a scratch ticket. And stop being such a pain in our asses.

(Another day, another opportunity to win big on CagePotato.com. Image courtesy of TheFightAddict)

How would you like a chance to win a pair of tickets to UFC 98: Evans vs. Machida on May 23rd, as well as airfare to Las Vegas, a one-night hotel stay, and some pocket money? Ain’t no joke, player — the ultimate UFC weekend can be yours. To get a shot at this $3,000 prize package, go here to enter our UFC 98 sweepstakes, though you may want to read the FAQ first. Basically…

— You must be at least 18 years old to enter.
— If you have AT&T Wireless or Verizon Wireless cell phone service, you can enter directly on the sweepstakes main page; it’ll cost you 99 cents, but you’ll get a totally sweet CagePotato mobile wallpaper in return. Otherwise, you can do it old-school and enter via postcard.
— You can sweeten the odds by entering the sweepstakes up to ten times.
— All entries must be received by Monday, May 11th; the winner will be selected by random drawing and announced on Tuesday, May 12th.

Sound good? Then head over to the UFC 98 sweepstakes page right now. Thanks for playing, and spread the word!

(If only you had some of that No Fear Bloodshot energy drink in your corner, Frank. The second round would have been a completely different story.)

It’s official: With a whopping 13 points, CP reader "angry little feet" blew away the competition in last week’s pick ‘em contest, and scores a No Fear prize package for his efforts. Here’s how he did it…

Diaz via Submission round 2 (2 points)
Melendez T/KO round 2 (3 points)
Smith T/KO round 3 (3 points)
Santos T/KO round 1 (2 points)
Rogers T/KO round 2 (3 points)

So, Lil’ Feet, send your address and shirt/hoodie size to feedback@cagepotato.com and we’ll get your bounty right out to you. In second place was G-Smooth with 11 points. The runner-up performance entitles G to a CagePotato t-shirt; send us your address and size if you’re interested. And special CP back-pats go to Burzerkers, joneser5, coach pablo, and Freddy Fangers for racking up 10 points apiece, tying them all for third place.

Coming in with a mad-respectable nine points was our very own Ben Fowlkes, who, like so many of you, got screwed by Frank Shamrock. And slightly further down the list with five points was Ben Goldstein, whose only consolation is that he didn’t score four points, which would tie him for dead last with all those dumbasses who thought Abongo was going to pull out the upset.

Many thanks to everyone who entered, and remember to visit EarnSomeCred.com for your chance to win a VIP trip to an upcoming MMA event.

So No Fear has this new promotion called Earn Some Cred, where the grand prize is a trip to an MMA event. You crack open specially marked cans of No Fear Energy Drink, find the code under the tab, enter that code at earnsomecred.com, and earn points toward No Fear gear — or if you’re lucky, win tickets to the big show.

But why go through all the trouble? We’re going to hook you up with some NF swag right here, right now. That is, if you can predict the results of the "Strikeforce: Shamrock vs. Diaz" main card better than anyone else reading this. To refresh your memory, here’s what we’ll be looking at on Saturday night:

Frank Shamrock vs. Nick Diaz (179-pound catch weight)
Gilbert Melendez vs. Rodrigo Damm (lightweights)
Scott "Hands of Steel" Smith vs. Benji "Razor" Radach (middleweights)
Cris “Cyborg” Santos vs. Hitomi "Girlfight Monster" Akano (140 pounds)
Brett "The Grim" Rogers vs. Ron "Abongo" Humphrey (heavyweights)

And here’s what you need to do…

After a sort of pathetic whopping 550 votes were cast by CP readers in our latest caption contest, we’re calling an end to the action at 2:38 p.m. of 3/25. The lucky winners, who are all receiving subscriptions to either the U.S. or Canadian versions of Fighters Only magazine, are as follows:

1st place, with 35% of the vote — Batman: After Fedor’s circumcision, the Russian Team celebrates because they now have enough meat to eat for a year.

2nd place, with 21% of the vote — philaxler: Fedor returning from his glorious arm bar victory over God.

3rd place, with 13% of the vote — SiDeBuRnZ: In mother Russia, sky go youdiving.

4th place, with 11% of the vote — mayhem420: 3 cheers for Emelianenko!?
Hep hep hooray?
hep hep hooray
?hep …..oh sorry that’s the other Emelianenko!

5th place, squeaking by with 7% of the vote — danomite: Everyone was happy til someone told Fedor that Nicoli forgot the ice cream. A mass funeral service will be held tomorrow at 2 pm.

If you’re one of the Big Five, send your name and address to feedback@cagepotato.com and we’ll get you hooked up; though be patient, because it’ll take a while for your first issue to arrive. And Batman, we’ll also send you a CP t-shirt for being so awesome, if you don’t have one already. Sound good? Man, I love it when a plan comes together.

Watch MMA Fix Presents MMA Ring Girl Search 2! on RawVegas.tv

Oh, these “ring girl searches.”  Just related enough to the sport of MMA for us to have an excuse for posting them.  I really like Dave Farra’s interview style, because he manages to say things like “Maybe you should go with the ass-shaking thing again, because that worked pretty well last time,” and yet somehow he does not come off sounding like a jerk or a perv, like I would if I said that to a girl in a club.

Seriously though, why do they always ask these girls what they know about MMA?  Are we supposed to be disappointed when a wanna-be ring girl can’t even name an MMA fighter?  Because I’m not.  Nor am I surprised.  I am, however, endlessly amused by the girl who says she likes Randy Couture before blowing a kiss to him (assuming that he’s at home watching Raw Vegas videos on his computer, of course).  When Dave informs her that he’s married to a woman who can also fight a little bit, she responds, “Well then I guess I’ll have to wait.”

I’ll let you guys debate whether that woman has failed to grasp the concept of marriage, or whether she actually knows enough about Couture’s personal history for that to be a somewhat intelligent statement.

Many of you have already submitted your entries to the Fight! Magazine/Cage Potato Pre-UFC 96 VIP party contest.  Looking through the forum thread, I have to say I’m impressed at the variety of methods you people came up with to prove your worthiness. 

Some of my favorites range from promising us drugs to telling us your sad, sad story to posting evidence of your frequent flier miles to pointing out that you are biologically a woman.  [Note: that last one may be rare and impressive enough by itself on an MMA forum, DutchAsFuck, but is much less so at a party with a ring girl contest going on.  Try again.]

As much as we’ve enjoyed hearing your pleas for fun, this must come to an end.  Tuesday we announce our winners, based on whatever the hell criteria we feel like, so get your entries in now if you haven’t already.  Hopefully that will give the lucky winners time enough to make the necessary plans while also allowing the rest of you to heal from the tremendous hurt you’ll have suffered.  And yes, if you win you will be permitted to bring one guest.  But choose wisely.  The friend you have who’s known for shooting tequila and puking on himself?  Even though you guys have been bros since fifth grade, maybe it’s best to leave him at home for this one.

The good news is that even if you don’t win you can still meet up with us when the club opens to the public at 10 pm.  The ring girl contest is set to pop off at around 11 so you’ll still get to see the good stuff, and we may even have a t-shirt or two left to give out by then.  If that doesn’t entice you enough, I’ll leave you with this: what do all three UFC Octagon Girls have in common?  No, it isn’t daddy issues.  Well, maybe it is.  But more importantly they’ll all be partying with Cage Potato and Fight! Magazine this Friday night.  Where will you be?

‘Sup, Potato Nation.  What are you guys up to next Friday night?  Just sitting around, painting your toenails and wishing it was Saturday already so you could watch UFC 96?  That’s a bummer, because we’ll be partying our asses off at a VIP party with Fight! Magazine at the Sugar Bar in Columbus, Ohio.

It’s no big deal, really.  Just us, the dudes from Fight Mag, a bunch of UFC fighters, an open bar, and a ring girl contest hosted by none other than Bruce Buffer himself.  See I lied, it’s totally a big deal!!!!

But we’re not telling you simply to brag about how big time we are.  We want you to come party with us to kick off the UFC 96 weekend, and two lucky Cage Potato readers will get the full VIP treatment – free drinks, hobnobbing with the stars (and, you know, us), the works.  To determine which two of you will receive this honor, we’re going to have ourselves an old-fashioned (really, really short) essay contest.

Simply tell us, in 100 words or less in this forum thread, why you think you deserve to hang with the stars and party it up in Columbus, Ohio before UFC 96.  Only entries in the forum thread will be considered, and to be eligible you should a) be 21 or over, and b) be reasonably capable of actually getting to Columbus on March 6.

  
(Thanks Joe! Click pics for larger images.)

At ease, Potato Nation. As some of you might remember, we announced a contest on the site a couple weeks back where we asked you to creatively place our name in a public place, with $200 hard cash as the grand prize. Unfortunately, we had to sort-of unofficially discontinue the contest due to legal issues (long story), but we did get a couple of great entries that we wanted to share with you. Well, one of them is great. The other’s more shocking and insane (and therefore is the contest’s official winner). First the runner up, shown above, which was sent to us from loyal reader Joe V. He writes:

Awesome!  For your efforts, you get a CagePotato Mystery Prize Pack, which consists of a "Hall of Fame" t-shirt (or multiple shirts, if you need them), plus other stuff to be named later. Basically, we have nothing else to give you right now, but as soon as we do, we’ll hook you up.

The winner? Well, it’s not exactly in a public place, per se, but I think you’ll all agree that this is worth a hell of a lot more than $200. Have a seat, then click that "Read More" link…

You know, it’s nice that even as hard as Dana White works he still finds time for a little fun, mainly by busting the balls of subordinates and playing office pranks on co-workers.  Whatever gets you through the day, right?  Although you can’t help but feel that Dana might not be as fun-loving were he on the business end of these pranks (remember the shock pen?).  But I guess that’s one advantage of being the boss.  The video blog cameraman aptly sums up his situation at the end of this installment, saying: “It’s like National Geographic.  They don’t stop the lions from eating the gazelles; they just film it.”

In other UFC 94 news, many of you have noticed that there’s no official Cage Potato Pick-em Contest for this event, mainly because we’ve been giving away so much stuff we’re pretty tapped at the moment.  That doesn’t mean you can’t still play for pride though, as the more enterprising among you have discovered.  

Head on over to our forums right now and enter your picks for a chance to win…a swift kick in the balls?  Dammit, you guys aren’t using our forums to try and turn this into one of your weirdo fetish sites again, are you?  Either way, best of luck to you all in the informal UFC 94 Pick-em Contest.

(Fedor’s greatest enemy: nothingness)

We were so pleased with how many of you participated in our UFC 93 Pick-em Contest – despite the fact that most of you tasted bitter, humiliating defeat – that we’ve decided to run it back this weekend for “Affliction: Day of Reckoning.” 

Once again you get your chance to predict the results and win a prize, and once again you have to get your picks in to this forum thread by Saturday (1/24) at noon EST, or else you’re dead to us (for the purposes of this contest anyway).

But we learned a thing or two about how to do these bad boys after last time, so pay attention to our guidelines:

(Shhh, Kyra‘s sleeping.)

OMFGLOL, you guys…

shitwhistle on ‘Gambling Addiction Enabler: UFC 93‘: I saw that pic on hotchickswithdouchebags.com 
[Ed. note: Why don't you have a seat over there...]

Clyde on ‘Kyra Gracie in VIP Magazine‘: Just remember if she’s on top of you, don’t reach for the boobs. You’re just asking to get armbarred.
[Ed. note: See, isn't that better than the endless "triangle choke" gags?]

‘Whistle and Clyde, please send your names, addresses and shirt-sizes to feedback@cagepotato.com, and we’ll mail you a "Hall of Fame" tee at our earliest convenience. Keep rockin’ the comments, everybody — they bring joy to our lives.

(All that hype couldn’t even get Davis and Lytle a spot on the poster.  What a shame.)

As the deadline nears to get your picks in for The Great Cage Potato UFC 93 Pick-em Contest (man, we have got to come up with a shorter name for that), we’ve been perusing the forums and checking out some of your entries.  Sometimes we’re impressed with what we see.  Sometimes we’re just confused (Cronk is taking Coleman, Horn, Belcher and Egan – now that’s a guy who loves underdogs), and sometimes we marvel at how lazy you can be (yeah, that’s a shot at you, Clever_Username).

Just for fun, we thought we’d go ahead and post our picks for this event.  No, we aren’t eligible for any of the awesome prizes, but at least you can see how you scored in relation to total bad-ass experts like ourselves.  And when you beat us by one point because you had enough of a lack of respect for Jeremy Horn to pick Palhares by first-round submission, Geriatric Peon, this will give you something to hold over our heads for years.  You jerk.

Our predictions are after the jump.  If you haven’t already, make sure you get yours in before Saturday at noon EST.  We ain’t playin’ about that deadline, either, so don’t come crying to us when your inability to follow instructions causes you to go without a t-shirt that is both stylish and an interesting conversation-starter at parties.

(You’re never too old for toys. Courtesy of the good people at Round 5.)

Okay, we’ve heard just about enough from you people about how great you are at predicting fight outcomes.  It’s time to step up and put the reputation of your assumed internet identity where your mouth is, and maybe even take home a sweet prize in the process.  Here’s how:

First, head on over to this thread in our (free/easy-to-use/totally awesome) Cage Potato forums.  Then make your picks for each of the ten scheduled bouts at UFC 93.  For each fight pick the winner, round, and method (note: please choose from submission, TKO, or decision. No need to specify type of submission, of differentiate between TKO and KO, but simply saying "Henderson by ownage, R1" will earn you nothing more than the disdainful mockery of your peers).

Each correct pick is worth one point, though you’re only eligible to receive points for round and method if you get the winner right.  Just to safeguard against the dreaded tie, also answer this tie-breaker question: what will be the ending time of the night’s fastest finish? (the closest without going over gets it)

And what do you stand to gain from this contest, other than mad respect?  We’re glad you asked…

Dana White’s Video Blog 10/21/08 – Watch more free videos

Some people say it’s as important to be a gracious winner as it is to be a gracious loser. Those people are fucking pussies. Dana White knows what’s best in life: crushing your enemies, seeing them bankrupted before you, and hearing the lamentations of Jared Shaw. That’s why he has zero problem with not only tap-dancing, but also urinating on the grave of EliteXC in this video.

Seriously, no one can hate like Dana White hates. His enthusiasm for the misfortune of others is truly unrivaled. He doesn’t even mention UFC 90 until almost four minutes into this video, that’s how much fun he’s having kicking Pro Elite while it’s down and rehashing other old grievances that are mostly meaningless to everyone else. What a joyous day.

Unrelated but important: Old, Bald and Irish’s Epic Fail Contest ended with OB&I getting eye-poked and choked out and Polish winning a “Hall of Fame” t-shirt. Polish, e-mail your address and size to feedback@cagepotato.com. The rest of you can read more about this craziness in the CagePotato forums.

(Luis Cane’s pimp-slap, straight left combo. No one ever expects it. Props, UG.)

- Apparently the hip new trend for youngsters on the internet is to film themselves making UFC predictions and then throw it up on YouTube. Fightlinker spotted the very enthusiastic WishKid12 doing her thing, and decided to see how her picks matched up against those made by professionals like us. We’re proud to report that both Bens (weirdly, we made the exact same picks) soundly defeated this precocious prognosticator. While she went 2-3 on the night, we went 4-1 (curse you Cane, and your bitch-slapping awesomeness). The only one in this impromptu contest to beat us was Fightlinker, with a perfect 5-0. So basically we’re smarter than a twelve-year-old girl but dumber than drunk Canadians. That’s still better than either of our families ever expected.

- Patrick Cote tells MMA Mania that the UFC did not have him sign a contract extension prior to his title fight against Anderson Silva at UFC 90 this Saturday night. That’s notable since he’s at or near the end of his current contract, and typically the UFC makes sure they have a guy locked up before they take a chance on him becoming a belt-holder. At least, that’s what they do when they think the challenger has a chance in hell of winning.

- In case you were wondering, Dana White says he will reward Josh Koscheck with a shot at the welterweight title if he beats Thiago Alves this weekend. We all know how much White loves guys who are willing to step in on short notice, and Koscheck has a chance to turn Diego Sanchez’s misfortune into a big break for himself. Not that anyone’s really clamoring for GSP-Koscheck II at this point.

- MMA Payout takes issue with the UFC’s insinuation that Brandon Vera voluntarily sat out a year and then returned a different fighter. They point out that Vera was an early victim of the “Zuffa Freeze Out” and that by running around comparing the old Vera to the new one, Dana White may be unwittingly calling the wrong kind of attention to his own negotiation practices. Damn revisionist history.

(“Chained Fists,” only available at NathanDiaz.com.)

On Friday, we put two Nate Diaz-related t-shirts up for grabs to the readers who could provide the best captions for the above photo involving Randy Couture, Gina Carano, and three of their groupies. And apparently you really want to represent tha’ 209, because you came full force with it. First, our honorable mentions…

Matt Herpes: This is exactly why Kim bought that testicle-scale.

F.A.S.: Xtreme Ho-ture

Damien: Looks like Fedor isn’t the only heavyweight that Randy wants to get his hands on.

boobah: Gina later realized that Applebee’s was not the best choice for cutting weight.

MMA-hole: “Yeah, that’s right…I’m Bruce Willis…”

TheFeniX: Shown here: People who make a living destroying others for monetary gain, every 6 months or so. Also pictured: Randy Couture and Gina Carano.

bmwtech: Just goes to show you that every group of girls has a DBUF. Designated bald ugly friend.

And now, the shirt-winners…

(“Muerto,” only available at Triumph United.)

You know how this works: The cream of this week’s commenting crop is below; vote for your favorite on the homepage poll. The most popular comment gets a sweet tee of their choice from my favorite torso-covering company, Triumph United. You said:

“Is this what happened to the other half of Tre Telligman’s chest? I know the UFC struggled early on, but holy shit…” — KTFO on The UFC Is Selling Used Clothing, and Doing Surprisingly Well

“They should call the new surface ‘The Sux’.” — JOhns on IFL to Debut Fighting Surface of the Future (!!!)

“Classic Ortiz: Too much head, not enough brain.” — C-Bus Allstar on Tito Ortiz: “I Feel Like a Slave”

“This could really hurt his ‘Loads of old produce for the poor’ platform.” — Myles Kilometers on Matt Lindland Endures First Smear Campaign

“‘I’d also like to clarify that Matt Hamill was deaf when we found him,’ Epstein said.” — Kimbo’s Lice on Possibly the Best Argument Yet for MMA Regulation in New York

“I hope there is no regulation on any fighting in NY. I hope the entire state engages in the largest gladiator battle ever, and you all fight to your deaths. I hope the armpit of America, also known as New Jersey, joins you in this quest as well.” — Fuck NY on Possibly the Best Argument Yet for MMA Regulation in New York

“So we’re just going to act like ‘Jailbreak’ and ‘The Cowboy Song’ didn’t even happen, huh?” — joeson on Thin Lizzy (“Way Off-Topic” Forum Thread)

Voting ends at 5:00 p.m. ET. TGIMFF.

Congratulations, buddy: You’re about to be one shirt-wearin’ motherfucker. By a wide, wide margin, Vrax turned in the most popular comment in our second Triumph United Comment Contest, suggesting that involvement in YAMMA Pit Fighting is more shameful than kiddie-diddling. So Vrax, please swing through Triumph United’s shirt rack, and e-mail us at feedback@cagepotato.com to let us know which one you want; we’ll hook you up ASAP.

Also important: Your homework this weekend is to make one last attempt at coming up with creatively humiliating punishments for Ryan Harkness of Fightlinker when he goes down in flames in our upcoming UFC 84 pick-off. Go here and do your worst!

(Are you a Mayhem Monkey?)

Since all you guys did was bitch about it last time, we’re going to leave the decisions in your hands from now on. Below were our favorite comments from this week. Take a moment to digest them and then vote for your favorite in our new homepage poll on the right. The winner gets a Triumph United t-shirt of their choice. Okay? And the nominees are…

“The first time I ever saw Kimbo I was surfing for porn and I saw his various appearances @ inthevip.com. If you told me that a couple years later that dude would be on the cover of ESPN, I’d call you crazy. Actually I’d say I didn’t know who he was and deny the fact I was looking at porn.” — Jeff on Kimbo’s ESPN Cover Shoot

“When discussing Mark Hunt, it’s customary to precede his name with ‘noted fatty fatty fat fat’ so that people remember which out-of-shape guy you’re talking about.” — Jemaleddin on Quote Stew: Bisping, Quarry, Hunt + More

“YAMMA veteran. Doesn’t that make your skin crawl a little when you type it?” — Vrax on Patrick Smith Is a Sex Offender

“I think Chris Leben is showing a lot of growth here as a human being….and I also think he will make a fine prison prostitute….that guy is going to earn somone a lot of soups and cigarettes.” — BIG CHRIS on Chris Leben in Jail, But Only on a Technicality

“The Mad Monkey, is this the one that had pinpoint bleeding all over his freshly waxed unibrow in the serra/gsp pre-fight family interviews? You want to get that done 24 hrs in advance buddy (not that I would know anything about it).” — tony@rbd on Nick Serra, The Mad Monkey

“these arent rankings. these a fans thoughts on who they think is good. iv never seen so much crappy rankings by a nuthugging blog before. garbage.” — clitwizard on ‘Power Rankings’ Update of DOOM!

Voting ends at 5:00 p.m. ET. Git ‘er done.

(“Death Squad”: One of the designs available at Triumph United.)

Between Chuck Liddell’s leg injury and “Starnesgate,” it was a great week to kick off our Triumph United Comment Contest. Our most sincere thanks to everyone who makes this site a two-way exchange of information by posting opinions, tips, and punchlines in the comments section. But which comment was the most shirt-worthy this week? First, let’s give props to those who fell just short of the glory…

5th Runner-Up
“I told you I was hardcore.” — TheFeniX on New ‘Gladiator’ Loses Shit, Beats Husband

4th Runner-Up
I bet chuck took kimbo up on that bare knuckle fight and got demolished — Anonymous on F*ck! Chuck Liddell Injured, Out of UFC 85

3rd Runner-Up
If BJ licks sherk’s blood he may test positive for steroids in the post fight drug test. — steve-o-plata on “…and licking the blood off his face while I’m punching him…”

2nd Runner-Up
Would lube and a giant fake cock be too obvious? — Kimbo’s Lice on Chuck Liddell’s Injury is Disturbingly Real

1st Runner-Up
I don’t have health insurance at my place of employment so to show my boss up and to make a point I punched myself in the cock really hard, cried like a girl, then put the video on youtube. Take that you wanker!!! Go Starnes!! — KTFO on What’s to Become of Kalib Starnes?

And the winner is…

(The Kimbo Slice LTD tee — only available at Triumph United.)

Heads up, people:

— We’ll be liveblogging UFC 83 tomorrow night starting at 10 p.m. ET, so come back for thrilling round-by-round updates and semi-coherent commentary. And please share your own thoughts during the broadcast via the comments section, especially because…

— We’ve teamed up with Triumph United to launch our Comment of the Week contest. We’re not going to lie; some of your comments have been making us LOFL lately, and we want to start rewarding you for your creativity. Thus, every Friday starting next week we’ll call out our favorite comments from the previous week and award one winner a Triumph United shirt of his/her choosing. If you’re tired of MMA-inspired shirts that induce headaches and seizures, you should definitely check out some of T.U.’s more reserved, aesthetically-pleasing designs. I’ve paid actual money for two of their shirts in the past, which I think demonstrates my genuine love for this brand. So keep hitting us with your witty/insightful comments and good luck. Lurkers, emerge from the shadows!

— Do us a favor and check out this interactive trailer for The Forbidden Kingdom. Then do Jackie Chan and Jet Li a favor and see the movie.