seth rogen james franco the interview
Six Other Seth Rogen/James Franco Films That Should’ve Been Canceled

Tag: Crazy Russians

So Mickey Rourke *May* Have Beaten Up a Mentally Unstable Homeless Man Last Weekend [UPDATE]


(Rourke vs. Elliot Seymour, Round 2. Come for the funny accents, stay for the SAVAGE body shots.)

While you were pausing to check your phone in between trips to the Golden Corral buffet line this Thanksgiving weekend, you might have heard that 62 year-old actor Mickey Rourke returned to the boxing ring after a 20 year absence to face off against 29 year-old Elliot Seymour in Moscow. You might also have heard that star of The Wrestler not only survived the encounter, but actually walked away the victor via a second round TKO.

What you might not have heard (or seen) was the fight itself, which played out in the kind of cringeworthy fashion you would expect of a Russian freakshow fight between a 62 year-old and a 1-9 journeyman. Rourke repeatedly dropped Seymour with body shots that looked…let’s say “less than devastating”, leading many fans to cry foul mere moments after the fight was waved off. (“A Hollywood actor playing make believe? I for one am flabbergasted!” — Nobody)

And unfortunately, today brings an even more depressing insight into the story of Rourke’s glorious absolute victory. We’ll let The Daily Mail explain:

In an exclusive interview, a source close to Seymour’s family, said: ‘It was clearly a fixed fight. The whole bouncing off the ropes, hands down, punches were not landing and they were intentionally hitting each other’s gloves.

There are people at Wild Card gym who know that Elliot’s in a really terrible situation and pretty much living on the streets, these are Mickey Rourke’s people who Elliot’s been around and known for some time.

All these headlines Mickey Rourke beat someone half his age… yeah he did but you’re not telling them the real story, the real story is he’s homeless and desperate and he will probably go back to living on the streets when he gets back. People have no clue about that.

Read More DIGG THIS

Street Fight of the Day: Russian* Dude Knocks Two Fools Cold With Just Two Punches


(Props: MiddleEasy)

As is often the case with Russian alley fights, context and backstory are completely irrelevant here. But basically, this video features a guy in a hooded jacket demolishing two consecutive foes with two perfect punches. The first victim gets falling tree’d with a left hook. The second one eats an off-balance haymaker and drops to the ground, temporarily dead.

Watch that second knockout again and you will notice two things. 1) The dude got knocked out while trying to throw a leg kick. In a street fight. So, so embarrassing. 2) The second knockout victim also had a cigarette in his mouth at the time, which was ejected like a bullet due to the force of the punch. Those two details combine to make this video a late front-runner for 2014 Unsanctioned Fight of the Year. If you have any better candidates, let us know.

* I’m going to assume these people are Russian, because the full video of this incident was originally uploaded to the FromRussiaWithLOLs YouTube account. And that’s what passes for fact-checking around here.

Read More DIGG THIS

Alexander Emelianenko Got Engaged! While in Jail! Awaiting Trial!! For Sexual Assault!!1!


(He’ll fight for my love AND he bakes! *swoon*)

Love is…strange, Nation. It requires trust, understanding, patience, and occasionally, the willingness to look a convicted sex offender in the eyes and say “I do” from behind the bars of a Russian prison.

What? Haven’t you heard? Alexander Emelianenko — the very same who is currently awaiting trial for the sexual assault of a 27 year-old woman – recently got engaged to a living, breathing woman named Pauline, reports MMABoxing.ru. Break out the streamers! Fire up the band! Just make sure you tell them to keep it down!

Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Oh, that just means that he’s prison engaged, if you know what I’m saying.” First off, don’t nudge me, and secondly, you’re wrong. According to BloodyElbow, “Emelianenko, through the request of his lawyer, got permission to marry inside the detention center. It also appears that it was his fiancé, Pauline, who proposed.”

So there you have it. Alexander Emelianenko is engaged to be married. And I have no one.

Read More DIGG THIS

[VIDEO] This Russian Gym Commercial Featuring Fedor Emelianenko Hits You Right in the Feels


(Props: r/mma)

Russians: They have feelings. Who would’ve guessed? And this commercial for a Russian gym starring Fedor Emelianenko will hit you in every. last. one of them.

Read More DIGG THIS

Oh, This? Just a Double Knockout In a 2 on 1 Russian MMA Bout [VIDEO]

A freakshow MMA fan I may be, I must admit that I’ve never quite understood the appeal of 2 vs. 1 MMA, Tag Team MMA, or anything of the like (except for Hip Show, that is!). How something as blatantly tilted and insanely dangerous as having two trained fighters team up against one can even be legalized boggles my mind, and more or less plays into the notion that MMA is a trend sport in need of exploiting (except for Hip Show!).

That being said, I won’t act like I didn’t jump out of my seat while watching this video uncovered by the UG, wherein the clearly disadvantaged fighter knocks out *both* of his opponents in roughly 3 seconds. The fight took place somewhere in Siberia, of course, and that is literally all I know about this video, and quite frankly, all I need to know. Other than the fact that 2 vs. 1 fighting will never hold a candle to Hip Show.

Hip Show.

-J. Jones

Read More DIGG THIS

Amazing Video: Russian Fighter Suffers Horrible Leg Break, Wins by Rear-Naked Choke Anyway


(Props: GrapplersPlanetCom via Reddit/MMA)

Today’s example of inhuman Russian toughness comes to us from the International Federation of Full Contact Fighting, where a fighter won a recent match by rear-naked choke directly after having his leg snapped and twisted sideways by his opponent.

Skip to the video’s 0:40 mark to see the fighter in red shorts grab an ankle and start working on a heel hook. At the 0:54 mark, you can see that the fighter in blue shorts is in a position that you might describe as “uncomfortable.” Realizing that his tough-as-nails opponent isn’t going to tap so easily, Red Fighter re-adjusts the hold and cranks the absolute bejesus out of Blue Fighter’s ankle. I think what you’re hearing at the 1:05-1:06 mark is ligaments tearing off the bone.

999,999,999 out of a billion times, this would result in the leg-lock victim screaming in agony and tapping as quickly as possible. Instead, Blue Fighter goes “full Russian” and snatches the now-exposed neck of Red Fighter. The following sequence is unbelievable. When the camera angle changes, we see how badly-off Blue Fighter’s leg is. But amazingly, he holds the choke until Red Fighter releases the leg lock and starts tapping. Blue Fighter tries to get up to celebrate his victory, and quickly realizes that, nope, he ain’t walking out of here on that thing. It’s inspirational and bizarre and kind of disgusting all at once.

If you know Blue Fighter’s name or how much he got paid for this match, please let us know at tips@cagepotato.com.

Read More DIGG THIS

Aleksander Emelianenko Receives Russia’s Highest Honor, Is Placed on Federal Wanted List


(“Alright…take me to The Throne Room.”)

For a while there, we here at CagePotato always just kind of assumed that Aleksander Emelianenko would spend the remainder of his days quietly crushing tomato cans and occasionally killing bears with knives. Until the day came 10 or so years from now, of course, when the Russian government would finally locate his geographically-isolated cabin and assign him one. final. mission. to save the world he gave up on so long ago. They’d say something like, “You’re a hard man to find,” and Aleks would be all like, “Not hard enough,” and before you know it, we’d have a movie franchise on our hands. Yeah, that’s how it’d go.

Unfortunately, it appears that the nightly bounties of delicious stabbed bear meat (second only to strangled boar meat on the list of manliest meals) and occasional espionage we had envisioned for Fedor’s little bro was only that: a dream. Last October, Aleks was detained after beating up a 63-year-old army veteran on his birthday (classy stuff, Al), and today brings word that Russia’s answer to War Machine has been placed on the country’s federal wanted list in light of another bizarre altercation:

Russian authorities have put renowned Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) fighter Aleksander Emelianenko on a wanted list on suspicion of housekeeper abuse and passport theft, investigators said Wednesday.

Vladimir Markin, a spokesperson for the country’s Investigative Committee said that Emelianenko had been put on the federal wanted list as “he disappeared and did not appear for questioning at the scheduled time,” adding that charges were forthcoming.

Housekeeper abuse? Good God, Aleks, I know you’ve been itching to fight someone who won’t give up before you throw the first punch, but there’s gotta be a better way!

Read More DIGG THIS

Ben Henderson Becomes the Latest Fighter to Mistake Rustam Khabilov for Khabib Nurmagomedov, Agrees to June Showdown With “Tiger” in Albuquerque

Remember how back in December, we reported that Rafael Dos Anjos had agreed to fight Rustam Khabilov while under the impression that “Tiger” was actually Khabib Nurmagomedov, the up-and-coming Dagestani grappling machine? Well, it dun happened again.

This time, it’s none other than former lightweight champion Ben Henderson who has apparently mixed up his Russians. After Khabilov was forced to withdraw from his fight with Dos Anjos due to injury (which in turn led to Dos Anjos vs. Nurmagomedov actually being booked), he recently took to Twitter to request a shot at “a fighter like Ben Henderson.” Henderson quickly accepted, but it was what he tweeted back that raised a few eyebrows.

“Seems like no 1 wants to play with u buddy,” tweeted Henderson. The only problem is, it’s Nurmagomedov, not Khabilov, that’s been having trouble finding opponents — both Nate Diaz and Gil Melendez have turned him down in recent months. In any case, Henderson vs. Khabilov has now been booked to headline a TBD “Fight Night” card on June 7th at the Tingley Coliseum in Albuquerque, New Mexico. It’ll be the UFC’s first-ever event in ABQ, home of the world-renowned Jackson’s MMA camp, where Khabilov trains.

Read More DIGG THIS

Friday Link Dump: GSP’s Belt Allegedly Stolen, Complete List of 2013 UFC Injuries, Russian Dash Cam Car Chase + More


(Anderson Silva, on crutches, just takin’ it one day at a time. / Props: ZombieProphet)

UFC 168 Garners Huge Interest, But Nothing on the Horizon Can Match It (MMAFighting)

Georges St-Pierre Said Belt Was Taken After UFC 167 Bout with Johny Hendricks (BleacherReport)

Year in UFC Injuries: Full List of All Injured UFC Fighters in 2013 (MMAMania)

The Best MMA Writing of 2013: Brian D’Souza on the Failure of the MMA Media (BloodyElbow)

A ‘Realist’ About His Own Career, Retired UFC Fighter Jorge Rivera Turns Focus to Others (MMAJunkie)

10 Worst Sports Plays of the Year for 2013 (EveryJoe)

Check Out The Latest Insanely Bad Ass Russian Dash Cam Car Chase (UPROXX)

The 15 Best Nutella Recipes Ever (HiConsumption)

The Most Anticipated Car Debuts of 2014 (Complex)

Norm MacDonald Is a Terrible Spokesman (Break)

14 Foods to Kick Out of Your Kitchen Forever (MensFitness)

Living the Pirate Life in Assassin’s Creed IV (The Escapist)

Celebrity Race Reversals (WorldWideInterweb)

Read More DIGG THIS

[VIDEO] Russian Audience Member Accepts Fight in a Sand Ring on 5 Seconds Notice, Unleashes Hell


(A major pat on the back is in order for our buddies over at MiddleEasy, who unearthed this gem yesterday.)

As we have learned, all Russians are trained sleeper cell assassins simply waiting to be activated, capable of unleashing the fury of an entire suppressed nation on a moment’s notice. As such, the above video of a random audience member volunteering to fight Russian Wolverine with zero prep time and subsequently knocking him the fuck out should not come as all that great a surprise to us. Nor should the fact that the fight was held in a sand-based ring strung together with old farm rope and was reffed by a guy rocking one of Mac’s custom made sleeveless shirts.

And of course, people are already crying foul, forgetting that 1) Russians don’t throw fights at the risk of banishment and 2) People don’t usually agree to get absolutely starched in a work. THIS is what a work looks like, and THIS is what it looks like when a random dude is picked from the audience and winds up kicking a fighter’s ass. Clearly, the above fight falls into the latter category.

While you’re busy debating this video’s merit, let’s kick it over to Sandy Abramov, who is here to offer us some tips about how to keep cool in the blistering Russian sun-OH MY GOD…

Read More DIGG THIS
CagePotatoMMA