stanley kubrick movie tattoos
20 Absolutely Insane Tattoos Inspired by Stanley Kubrick Movies

Tag: crazy shit

Old Man Liddell Thinks He Could Have KO’d Jon Jones in His Prime, And Doesn’t Like the Way Chael Sonnen Sells Fights


(“These damn kids with their sagging pants and exposed mid-riffs. Good luck getting a job, you punk!”)

Because this weekend’s UFC 172 title fight between Jon Jones and Glover Teixeira isn’t quite interesting enough to discuss, FOX Sports’s Marc Raimondi decided to ask Teixeira’s longtime training partner Chuck Liddell how he would have done against Jones, back when he was in his prime. Chuck’s answer is both eye-rollingly delusional and totally unsurprising:

Liddell loves Jones’ overall game, but is not at all impressed with his punching power. He thinks if the two would have fought in his prime, he would have knocked Jones out.

I think I would have been a horrible matchup for him,” Liddell told FOX Sports. “I would have walked through his punches and he wouldn’t have caught me with anything…I would have found a way to hit him,” Liddell said, “and I hit too hard.

The “walked through his punches” part is my favorite; it’s just so Leben-esque. There’s a lot more I can say here, but our own Matt Saccaro beat me to it:

Those are the only correct responses. If you believe otherwise, you’re stuck in a fanboy time-warp. And Chuck? Please don’t turn into Royce Gracie. We’re begging you.

Speaking of the Iceman crapping on current UFC stars, Liddell also took some time to diss Chael Sonnen’s self-promotion routine:

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On This Day in MMA History: Tim Sylvia Shits His Way Into Our Hearts (and Permanent LOLBanks) at Fight Night 3

Not taking anything away from Assuerio, he’s a tough dude, obviously. I hit him a couple of times and couldn’t finish him. I was really sick for the fight. I got really sick Saturday and had problems holding my innards. When I was warming up, I had a few problems, and I actually had a few problems in the ring when I was fighting.

I don’t know what it was. It got really cold when we were outside working out and stuff, going back and forth from the room. I caught something, and I just couldn’t hold in my number twos… If you look at the fight you’ll see that when my shorts came down, you’ll see the wet mark in my underwear.

That’s former UFC heavyweight champion Tim Sylvia, discussing the infamous night in which he shat himself during his main event bout with Assuerio Silva at Fight Night 3 on January 16, 2006 — eight years ago today. It was an incident that has become the subject of a joke or two over the years here at CagePotato, and one that has also become all the more relevant in light of last night’s Fight Night 35, wherein Yoel Romero allegedly suffered a similar intestinal malfunction during his fight with Derek Brunson (although Romero will tell you that the much-speculated stain on his shorts was the result of water and sweat). 30rockeyeroll.gif

Of course, Fatty Boom-Boom wasn’t the first fighter to suffer a case of the squirts (no, not that kind) in an MMA fight. Hell, he wasn’t even the first to admit to committing the act in the UFC. That honor goes to…

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Anderson Silva Wants A Third Crack at Chris Weidman, Who Won By ‘Accident’ at UFC 168


(Now cast-free, the Spider will reportedly be walking without crutches by next month. / Photo via Instagram.com/UFC)

I’m not sure if this is good news or bad news, but Anderson Silva has no plans to retire following his sickening leg break at UFC 168, and the former middleweight champ is looking for a third fight against Chris Weidman as soon as he recovers. In fact, Silva is already trying to build heat for a re-rematch, crapping all over Weidman’s latest win in a new interview with Globo. As MMAFighting’s Guilherme Cruz translates:

“I believe that, if you pay attention to these technical details, you will see that (Weidman checking the kick) was instinct, not something that he trained to do,” Silva said. “No, I don’t think (Weidman should consider it a win). It was an accident. And I’m pretty sure I would have won the fight…

To land the perfect kick, I needed to distract him by punching him in the face so he wouldn’t pay attention to the kick. He was protecting the upper part of his body, and the raised leg instinctively. The kick was so strong he lost balance…I saw my mistake, and now I’m only worried about my comeback. If the UFC thinks I deserve another opportunity (against Weidman) or if I need to earn it. I just want to do what I do, it doesn’t matter if it’s for the title or not. I want to do what I do well.”

Yes, Anderson, he raised his leg instinctively — almost as if he’d been drilling the defensive technique for months and was doing it on muscle-memory alone. Since the fight, Weidman has repeatedly stated that checking leg-kicks was a specific part of his gameplan going into his second meeting with Silva, so to imply that the checked kick was in any way “accidental” is absurd, and kind of disrespectful. Plus, Silva is “pretty sure [he] would have won the fight” if his leg didn’t snap in half? Congrats, Andy — you have officially entered the loss-justification leaderboard, somewhere between “the Japanese poisoned my food” and “I had a cracked skull, bro.”

Anderson’s desire to return to action is even crazier when you consider how agonizing his recovery has been to this point:

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‘WTF?’ Video of the Day: Musangwe Fighter Gets KO’d, Is Given Furious Handjob CPR


(Props: Musangwe. Kinda NSFW)

“In Musangwe it is believed that stimulating the male sexual organs after a knockout increases their chances of surviving.”

This bit of folksy medical wisdom comes from the video description of “MUSANGWE KNOCKOUT- MOST DARING CPR!“, which just came to our attention this morning even though it’s been floating around for few days. (Apologies if you’ve already seen it; we were pretty much off the grid over New Year’s Eve/New Year’s Day. So…2014, eh? How ’bout that.)

As Gawker explains, Musangwe “is a form of bare-knuckle fist fighting traditionally practiced by the Venda people of South Africa.” And apparently, the rough, frantic handjob that the knockout-victim receives in the video isn’t punishment for losing — they’re trying to save his life. Still, once you add in the water-bucket it starts to look like an especially brutal fraternity hazing. I don’t know, man. There’s got to be an easier way.

My theory: At a certain point, that dude was just pretending to be asleep.

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Terrible, Stupid, Just Awful Idea of the Day: A Man vs. Woman Fight is Going Down at Shooto Brazil 45 This Weekend [UPDATED]

God damn it, you guys. God. Damn. It.

Maybe it’s just me, but everytime it seems like this thing we call MMA is finally on the right track towards honest-to-God legitimacy, Jose Canseco shows up, or the UFC signs a yoga instructor(‘s death warrant), or some shit like this happens and we’re back to square one.

Begin the SMH’ing, because some Brazilian website is reporting that Shooto, one of Brazil’s longest and (formerly) most prestigious MMA organizations, is planning a man vs. woman fight at this weekend’s Shooto Brazil 45. Specifically, Nova Uniao product Emerson Falcao vs. Team Nogueira’s Juliana Velasquez. Who will be making her professional debut. 

I…I just can’t anymore, you guys. Wiping my hands of this whole thing.

And who came up with this fucking ree-dick-you-lus idea, you ask? Oh, just Andre Pederneiras, the legendary Uniao founder/trainer who has seemed like a relatively intelligent individual up until this point. Maybe he knows something we don’t. In any case, here’s the scoop, as Velasquez told MMAFighting:

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MMA in the Wild, Pt. 5: No Arms, No Legs…No Problem


(Props: TheFightingSkill)

“9-1-1! Call 9-1-1! Stop your fucking smiling! This asshole steals from me! You think it’s a joke? 9-1-1! I’m trying to stop a thief! Let’s go, goof! You wanna rob from me? Let’s go!”

And with that battle cry, one of the saddest but weirdly inspiring street fight videos we’ve ever seen is set into motion. First, we see an armless, legless man yell out in anger from a wheelchair on a sidewalk, accusing another man of stealing from him. The camera pans and we see a guy in a hat squared up with a blonde person in the middle of a street, as cars honk past them.

When the yellow-haired fighter — who seems to be sided with the man in the wheelchair — gets taken down, our limbless hero hops off his wheelchair and bounces towards the grounded pair. The speed at which he closes the distance is terrifying. Once he has joined the pile of bodies, he uses all the powers at his disposal to fight the accused thief until onlookers separate them. “You’re kidding me,” the cameraman says.

Like most street fights, this looks to be a sad situation and truthfully, we have no idea who is in the right and wrong here. However, we like to imagine that the man in the wheelchair was indeed taken advantage of due to his reduced condition, a friend tried to defend him, and when that friend’s fortunes took a bad turn in the fight, wheelchair-man didn’t let his own lack of appendages stop him from throwing down in the middle of a busy street.

Kind of like a real-life, noble Black Knight. “NONE SHALL PASS!”

-Elias Cepeda

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‘WTF?’ Video of the Year Candidate: Brazilian Fighter Quits Match by Jumping Out of Cage, Leaving Arena


(Props: Zona de Ataque)

OK, watch the above video and please tell us if you can figure out what in the Sam Hell just happened. Evilasio Silva and Claudinei Angelo met at JF Fight Evolution in Juiz de Fora, Brazil, on Saturday and things were going as MMA fights normally do — both men fighting inside an enclosed space — until, for some reason, Angelo decided he had had enough.

“When Angelo clearly spat his mouthpiece to recover from the punches, the referee refused to stop the fight,” wrote MMA Fighting’s Guilherme Cruz, who first brought this strange fight to our attention. “Angelo went on and asked for a ‘time out.’ Silva and [the referee] didn’t understand what he was asking for, but Angelo decided to quit. The door was locked, so his only way out was jumping off the fence and leaving the arena.”

And, he did. Now, we didn’t see the entire match and Cruz has more description of what happened before Angelo decided to hit splitsville, but it doesn’t seem as if the quitting fighter was upset about some supposed unrecognized fouls on the part of his opponent or anything like that.

Angelo simply broke free from the clinch, tried to call a time out by making the sign with his hands that is universally recognized in sports where participants are actually allowed to call time outs, tried to open up the cage, and when that failed, he climbed the chain-link and then walked out of the arena. As Angelo did that, boos cascaded down on him from the confused crowd.

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Video: Fear Factor 2.0 is F*cking Crazy


(Video courtesy of NBC)

Free-falling from 600 feet in the air.

Jumping from a burning platform you are standing on while ten stories in the air.

Plummeting 400 feet head first through multiple floors of a wooden structure.

Leaping from a moving bus onto a rope dangling from a helicopter that then drops you onto a speeding boat, that promptly takes you to another helicopter, which dangles you over a barge with gas-filled oil drums while you blow the motherfucker up with a flare gun.

These are four of my recurring nightmares, which all happen to be stunts from the return season of Fear Factor.

According to the show’s producer and host Joe Rogan, an increase in stunt technology has allowed them to multiply the,  ”Holy shit!” factor by 1000 and the result of the equation should be infinite entertainment when NBC launches Fear Factor 2.0 in December.

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Knockout of the Week: Marcus ‘Lelo’ Aurelio’s Flying Switch Kick


(Props: TheBattlefieldFight via MiddleEasy)

And here we have Marcus ‘Lelo’ Aurelio scissor-kicking Jose Cornejo’s head in mid-air like he was trying to score the winning goal for Brazil. The stoppage came just 43 seconds into their meeting at Saturday’s Battlefield Fight League event in Vernon, British Columbia, Canada. Fun fact: Lelo is the very same dude who pulled off that insane capoeira kick knockout against Keegan Marshall in 2009. Good lord, get this guy on TUF already.

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Technique Video of the Day: Fly Me Courageous

While searching for a video of Matt Horwich discussing how the flow of positive and negative energies affect the success of rubber guard (because some of you asked for “crazy shit”), we came across a few highlight videos of flying submissions. That’s interesting, we thought to ourselves, and it would no doubt keep you jerks arguing for hours about how flying subs are a waste of time. (They totally are, by the way, because they never ever ever ever work, no matter what that highlight video shows.)

So we find one guy who has an entire series of “How to do the perfect _______”, with a focus on exotic quick kills like the flying triangle and the rolling kneebar.  These two jokers take turns jumping onto one another’s necks for some kind of crazy shoulder lock called an “omaplata”, which has got to be a made-up word.  And yeah, it looks cool and all, but wouldn’t grapplers be better served learning something useful like wrestling?

But then, that would ignoring the entertainment value of breaking down one of these mythical “flying submissions”. So for your edu-tainment, check out GracieAcademy‘s walkthrough of a flying triangle.  They’re good people over there at Gracie Academy, even if they do wear their pajamas when they work out.

If you ever hit one of these loony flying gimmicks in competition, we’ll buy you a beer. Hell, we’ll buy you a few.  And if you hit one in a streetfight ….well, we’ll drive you to the hospital.  Because we’re good people, too.

[RX]

 

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