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15 Moments of Instant Regret [GIFs]

Tag: Cris Cyborg

The 10 Most Cursed MMA Events of All Time

If it wasn’t for bad luck, Strikeforce’s upcoming “Carano vs. Cyborg” card wouldn’t have any luck at all. Despite the best intentions, some MMA events are destined to be magnets for injuries, unwelcome surprises, and other bizarre occurrences. But which events have been screwed by fate the hardest? Knock on wood, grab your crotch, and read on…

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#10: UFC 67: All Or Nothing, 2/3/07
UFC 67 event poster

The aptly-titled “All or Nothing” event was the first UFC pay-per-view in nearly a year to lack a title fight by the time it finally took place.  That’s all the more disappointing when you consider that it had two a couple months out from the event, pitting TUF “Comeback” winners Matt Serra and Travis Lutter against the champions in their respective weight classes.

The first title fight went down the drain when Georges St. Pierre injured his knee during training and had to put off the fight with Serra (and we all remember how that went when it finally happened).  Fortunately they still had Anderson Silva vs. Travis Lutter to fall back on…right?  Only Lutter failed to make weight for his title shot, downgrading his “Rocky” storyline to a “Bad News Bears” one.  Instead they just had themselves a normal old three-rounder, with Lutter holding his own in the first round before getting triangled/elbowed to death in the second. What fun.

#9: UFC 98: Evans vs. Machida, 5/23/09
UFC 98 Rashad Evans Lyoto Machida MMA poster

The event that famously launched “the Machida Era” only included Lyoto as a last resort. Originally, the card was to be headlined by the heavyweight title scrap between Brock Lesnar and Frank Mir, until Mir informed the UFC that he was still recovering from knee surgery. The main event was then changed to a light-heavyweight title fight between Rashad Evans and Quinton “Rampage” Jackson, but Jackson — who had just gone the distance with Keith Jardine two months earlierbowed out due to lingering hand and jaw injuries. And so, the UFC decided to give a well-deserved light-heavyweight title shot to that weird Brazilian guy with the unibrow.

If you’re Rashad Evans, that would be enough to make this one of the unluckiest fight cards ever. But UFC 98’s string of setbacks extended to the supporting cast as well. Josh Koscheck pulled out of the event due to a broken toe and was replaced by Brock Larson; Koscheck’s scheduled opponent, Chris Wilson, missed the show because of incomplete paperwork. James “Born Under a Bad Sign” Irvin suffered one of his many knee injuries and was replaced by Xavier Foupa-Pokam. Yushin Okami also went down with a dodgy knee and was replaced by Chael Sonnen. And finally, hard-luck-case Houston Alexander broke his hand during training and was replaced by Krzysztof Soszynski. Later, it was discovered that the MGM Grand Garden Arena had been built on an Indian burial ground.

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Training Video: Cris Cyborg Is Satan


(Props: cnovs13 via Moth2Flame)

When you watch this video of Cristiane "Cris Cyborg" Santos going through some caveman-style training at Advanced Human Movement, you don’t see a woman who’s on the verge of calling for her mommy. Cyborg is a physical dynamo. Check out the 2:39 mark, where she repeatedly picks up her husband Evangelista with a bungee rope harnessed to her back. I don’t know if I could even do that once, and I outweigh Cyborg by a solid 20 pounds of stomach fat. It’s no wonder why the Brazilian is a betting favorite by as much as -200. Anybody plan on taking Gina Carano in this one?

After the jump: Fabricio Werdum gets in a workout at AHM. Werdum will be facing despicable cheater Mike Kyle on the undercard of "Carano vs. Cyborg."

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Joe Riggs Reportedly Pulls Out of ‘Carano vs. Cyborg’ Card Due to Bad Drug Reaction

Joe Riggs Jabba MMA
("Side effects may include headache, dry mouth, constipation, and Huttism.")

Strikeforce’s monumental "Carano vs. Cyborg" card may have lost another title fight. Earlier this week, the scheduled heavyweight championship bout between Alistair Overeem and Fabricio Werdum went up in smoke due to Overeem’s infected hand. Now, it appears that the rematch between Nick Diaz and Joe Riggs — which would have decided Strikeforce’s first welterweight champion — could be off as well. According to GracieFighter (via FiveOuncesofPain):

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Afternoon Video Dump: Tompkins on Vitor Belfort, Machida: The Next Generation + More


(Props: CageWriter)

Believe it or not, Vitor Belfort‘s trainer Shawn Tompkins says that he and Vitor had been pushing for a fight against Fedor Emelianenko three months ago — and now the opportunity may have dropped in their laps. "It’s Vitor’s way of proving that he is the best pound-for-pound champion," says Tompkins of Belfort’s desire to face the Last Emperor. The Xtreme Couture striking coach tries to convince Steve Cofield that going from Jorge Santiago to Fedor Emelianenko isn’t that big of a stylistic change for Vitor, but acknowledges that Fedor probably isn’t too nervous about the last-minute opponent-switch.

Also, fighting Emelianenko is far from a lost cause: "[Fedor's fight against Andrei Arlovski] really showed a lot of the kink in Fedor’s armor. Whether Fedor believes it or not, he doesn’t deal well with speed, and he doesn’t deal well with getting hit…it’s going to be hard to keep up to Vitor’s pace." And as for their previous refusal to take on Gegard Mousasi at light-heavyweight? Tompkins drops some real-talk on us: "What does Mousasi do for us in America? If Affliction sticks around, we’d like to renew our contract with them, but if they don’t, we want to go to the UFC. Beating Mousasi does nothing for us, getting beat by Mousasi…it’s not good for us at all."

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Pics: Gina Carano at the 2009 ESPY Awards

Gina Carano ESPY Awards ESPYs MMA
Gina Carano 2009 ESPYs ESPY Awards MMA Gina Carano MMA ESPYs 2009 ESPY Awards Gina Carano Cris Cyborg MMA ESPYs red carpet
(Props: MMAFightGirls)

From Wednesday’s taping of the 2009 ESPY awards; the face of women’s MMA still cleans up real nice. Woefully uninformed sports site InGameNow.com labeled that last pic "Gina Carano and bodyguard" — though maybe Carano will need one when she meets Cris Cyborg in their Strikeforce title fight on August 15th

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CagePotato Comments of the Week + A Programming Note

Cristiane Cris Cyborg Santos MMA
("Ho. Ree. Shit.")

Two comments in particular made us LOFL this week, earning their authors Hall of Fame shirts from our dwindling supply. (Get ‘em while they’re still outdated!) Coincidentally, they were both Cris Cyborg-related…

Dubbs on "Exclusive Photos: ‘Carano vs. Cyborg’ Press Conference in New York City":
IMG_1038: Basic Instinct meets The Crying Game.

PurplePickle on "Kit Cope Says He Has a Gina Carano Sex Tape, Continues to Be a Total Asshole":
I don’t know about this Gina sex tape shit, but I had one of Cyborg Santos on Tivo. It showed Cyborg totally raping the shit out of this little Japanese girl for like nine whole minutes. If you look closely in the background you could see Josh Barnett yelling and cheering. It was fucking sick I tell you. I can’t believe they showed that shit on Showtime. Sad times we live in, sad times.

If you won, please send your name, address, and shirt size to feedback@cagepotato.com. We’ll be passing along your addresses to Mrs. Santos, because she told us she’d really like to visit you guys sometime. How exciting!

ALSO: "Ben vs. Ben" hits the airwaves later today for an encore performance on SIRIUS Fight Club (channel 127, or 104 for XM subscribers), beginning at 6 p.m. ET. Join us as we discuss the major themes coming out of UFC 100′s aftermath, as well as how much Gina Carano’s aforementioned sex tape would be worth to us, hypothetically speaking.

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Exclusive: ‘Carano vs. Cyborg’ Press Conference Video Highlights


Gina Carano vs. Cris Cyborg Press Conference – Watch more Funny Videos

As promised, here are some of the memorable moments from yesterday’s "Carano vs. Cyborg" press conference in New York. To summarize:

0:00-1:34: Gina Carano and Cris Cyborg are introduced and brought on stage. Cris gives Gina the cold shoulder when she tries to make eye contact.

1:35-3:09: Gina makes some opening remarks and talks about having Randy Couture as a mentor.

3:10-5:13: Cyborg makes some opening remarks, thanks her husband Evangelista for helping her train, and talks about what she expects in the fight.

5:14-5:51: Responding to a question about how the fight is being marketed with Gina’s beauty, Cyborg acknowledges that MMA writers have been referring to this fight as "Beauty and the Beast," but that doesn’t bother her because it won’t matter during the fight. Ouch. Sorry, Cris.

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Exclusive Photos: ‘Carano vs. Cyborg’ Press Conference in New York City

Gina Carano Cris Cyborg Scott Coker Strikeforce
(Click all images for larger versions.)

The WaMu Theater at Madison Square Garden hosted a press conference this afternoon to promote Strikeforce’s upcoming "Carano vs. Cyborg" mega-card in San Jose on August 15th. I was there pretending to be a journalist and snapping pics with my trusty PowerShot. Video highlights will come later, but first I’d like to share some photos of the two headliners, the bright ‘n’ shiny belt they’ll be fighting for, and the half-cage that Strikeforce set up outside the building for a public open workout. All I’ll say for now is that Gina had better come prepared, because Cristiane Santos is looking yoked.

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Cris Cyborg Strikeforce MMACris Cyborg Strikeforce MMACris Cyborg Strikeforce MMAGina Carano Cris Cyborg MMA Strikeforce

Gina Carano Cris Cyborg Strikeforce MMA Scott CokerGina Carano Cris Cyborg Strikeforce MMA Scott CokerCris Cyborg posterGina Carano poster

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Heads-Up: Gina Carano and Cris Cyborg Take Manhattan Next Tuesday

Gina Carano Cris Cyborg MMA UFC
Carano Cyborg Strikeforce press conference flyer

If any of you Potato Heads live in New York and are either unemployed or have a job that allows you to skip out for a couple hours in the afternoon, keep next Tuesday free. Gina Carano and Cris Cyborg will be appearing at the WaMu Theater at Madison Square Garden to promote their cute little Strikeforce title fight on August 15th, and will be participating in a public workout outside the theatre directly following (weather permitting), with an actual cage set up on the corner of 33rd and 8th. Fans will be able to take photos and get body parts signed. I’ll be lurking around trying to get some time with the headliners, so holler at me via Twitter or email if you’ll be there.

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Afternoon Video Dump: Cris Cyborg Is the Baddest Bitch Ever, Clay Guida Trash-Talks Diego Sanchez + More


(Props: MMA Worldwide via MMA Fanhouse)

Cristiane "Cyborg" Santos is a passionate, passionate woman. In fact, she’s so passionate that when the interviewer in the above video asks an innocent question about how long it would take her to choke out Gina Carano (skip to the 4:13 mark), Cyborg sinks in a rear-naked and squeezes until her male training partners have to drag her off. The interviewer eventually comes to, and when he sort of figures out what happened ("I was sleeping?"), he’s so terrified that he goes on record saying that Santos will beat Carano on August 15th. This is what Cris Cyborg does to non-biased journalists — she fucking ruins them.

After the jump: If Diego Sanchez thinks Clay Guida is just going to lay on him this Saturday, he’s "terribly confused"; Dana White says Brock Lesnar "could possibly be the best heavyweight in UFC history"; and our friend Joanne of the MMA Girls takes us through the heel hook.

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