MMA Fighter Challenges People to Punch Him in the Face, Everyone Fails

Tag: Cub Swanson

Correction: When Cub Swanson Said He Could Beat Jose Aldo ’10 Out of 10 Times’, He Meant Jens Pulver


(“Hey darlin’, wanna lie down underneath some palm trees?” / Photo via MMAFighting)

Remember that bizarre interview Cub Swanson did with Sherdog in which the UFC featherweight contender claimed that he’d beat Jose Aldo “10 out of 10 times” in a rematch? The same Jose Aldo who exposed Cub’s skull in just eight seconds the first time they fought? The same Jose Aldo who hasn’t lost a fight in seven years? At the time, it sounded like Swanson’s words had crossed the border from heat-seeking boast into “Are You Fucking Kidding Me?™” territory. Especially when Swanson added that he’d like his brother to fight Scarface instead, as that would be a more fair fight.

The good news is, he didn’t mean it. When he was giving that quote, he actually thought the interviewer was asking him about Jens Pulver, which makes sense since both “Jose” and “Jens” begin with a hard-J sound. If you’ll recall, Pulver submitted Swanson in 35 seconds during Lil’ Evil’s WEC debut back in December 2007, but is nowhere near the competitive threat he once was. As Cub said during a follow-up appearance on Sherdog’s “Beatdown” radio show:

We were going back and forth about different past opponents, and that was a mental error on my side. I was talking about Jens Pulver, and I thought you guys had asked me about a rematch with him. That’s why I said that was a long time ago and that I had put it past me…No, [I don't want my brother to fight Aldo.] My brother is a [flyweight], and he fights at 135 [pounds] as well, but that’s the fight that I would love for my brother to have — with Jens. Jose Aldo is the fight that I want.”

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Bold Insane Statement of the Day: Cub Swanson Could Beat Jose Aldo “10 Out of 10 Times”…In a Rematch

I’m a bit puzzled, Potato Nation.

You see, when I sat down at my computer after lunch, I was under the assumption that I was still participating in this thing we call Planet Earth. Little did I know that, while reheating the few scraps of ground beef that managed to survive Meatloaf Monday, I had apparently been thrust into some sort of magical UNICEF fantasy world in which everyone was twelve stories high and made of radiation and Cub Swanson can claim that he would kick Jose Aldo‘s ass 10 times out of 10.

Confused? Well just listen to what Cub told Sherdog’s “Beatdown” radio show and prepare to be even more bewildered:

I know that I could win that fight 10 out of 10 times if we did it again. It’s not even an issue to me anymore. I’d actually like my brother — would love for my brother — to fight him, who’s an up-and-comer, which I feel is more of a fair fight. I don’t really feel like [himself vs. Aldo] would be a fair fight at all.

Call me old fashioned, but when I make some contrived, ridiculous, he’s-got-to-be-joking statement, I’d like to think I did the math right when making said statement. This isn’t Vietnam, Cub, there are rules here. AND YOU CAN’T JUST START THE FIGHT COUNTER WHEREVER YOU WANT.

But since you’re a man of numbers, allow me to throw one at you. Eight. You lasted eight seconds with the dude the last time around. According to Michael Bisping, that is 14 minutes and 52 seconds less than a typical virgin lasts on prom night. And now you want your brother to be next in line at the slaughterhouse? It looks to me like somebody completely missed the point of The Hunger Games. 

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Armchair Matchmaker: UFC 152 Edition


(Matt Hamill plays airplane with his freakishly large, Progeria-ridden child after defeating Roger Hollett earlier in the evening.)

It may be a futile effort to draft up these Armchair Matchmakers given the chaos that injuries are creating at every turn these days, but God damn it, a comedic MMA website has to have its principles! So with that in mind, we decided to scour through the wreckage left behind by UFC 152 and provide some potential opponents for the UFC to consider when booking the night’s biggest winners down the line. Join us and voice your opinions in the comments section, won’t you?

Jon Jones: Despite his best trolling efforts, it appears as if the UFC will actually show some common sense and wait to see if Chael Sonnen can at least defeat one “contender” at 205 (you know, the one he’s supposed to face) before expediting him right to a title shot because the fans apparently control the matchups all of a sudden. We were all for Sonnen/Jones on 8 days notice, but it’s clear that Jones only has two opponents truly worthy of getting ground into dog meat by him next. The first is Dan Henderson, who Jones blamed for the whole UFC 151 fiasco in the first place. He’s clearly next in line in a division that is suddenly absent of marketable contenders (sorry, Alex) and will hopefully be back to his normal H-bombing self before osteoporosis sets in and we have to go through this all over again. The second option…well, let’s just say that he would give Jones an offer that he could neither refuse nor defend. Specifically, “Five of these across the sneeze.”

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Cut Man Says Charles Oliveira Injured Knee Warming up Backstage Before UFC 152


(On the topic of painful leg injuries…)

We all saw lightweight Charles Oliveira get dropped and finished by Cub Swanson Saturday night at UFC 152. What we didn’t see, according to cut man Jacob “Stitch” Duran, was Oliveira injure his knee just before fighting Swanson while warming up in the locker room.

“I do know that in preparation for going out there, warming up, he twisted his knee,” Duran told MMA Junkie.

Duran also said that Oliveira needed assistance walking up the steps into the Octagon to fight Swanson. Junkie could not immediately reach Oliveira or representatives of the fighter but pointed out that “medical suspensions made public…on the Association of Boxing Commission’s official record keeper, mixedmartialarts.com, stated that Oliveira has drawn an indefinite term and needs a CT scan or MRI to be cleared to fight.”

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UFC 152: The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly


(I kept telling the bouncers that I was over 21; I even showed them my ID and told them that it was *my* afterparty that they were bouncing, yet this happens once again…) 

After enduring the longest card free drought in nearly two years, the UFC returned to action last Saturday, delivering an event that was thoroughly satisfying from top-to-bottom, unless you happened to be in the small minority of people who wished ill upon either Michael Bisping or Jon Jones, that is. But as is the case with most UFC events, the evening was not without its share of ups and downs, so join us as we take take off our fanboy pants, pull our analrapist stockings over our heads, and take a look back at the event that was…

The Good:

Seth Baczynski’s Second Tour of Duty: One of the more improbable, if not unknown, comeback stories currently circulating the MMA world, the story of “The Polish Pistola’s” second octagon run has seen him score submission victories over TUF 13 alum Clay Harvison, TUF 7 alum Matt Brown, and earn a split decision victory over Lance Benoist. His beautiful knockout of Simeon Thoreson this past weekend should have easily earned him the KOTN award, but we imagine that Baczynski will be happy enough knowing that he has more than earned a shot at some stiffer competition — and considering his finishing rate, a main card spot — in the near future.

Vinny Magalhaes‘ Second Tour of Duty: While we’re on the subject of TUF alums kicking major ass their second time around, we can’t overlook TUF 8 finalist Vinny Magalhaes, who clearly packed some of his M-1 swagger for his return to the big show (figuratively speaking, of course). Granted, it makes your job a hell of a lot easier when your opponent decides to play directly into your strengths, but for now, we’ll just congratulate Vinny on a sweet finish and a successful return.

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UFC 152 GIF Party: The Armbar That Almost Shocked the World, The Knockout of the Night + More


(Oh man. That kick was about six inches away from being the greatest DQ of all time.)

In case you missed Saturday night’s action, we’ve compiled 12 of UFC 152‘s best highlights in GIF form, from the gnarly stoppages to the memorable post-fight moments. Follow the “next page” links starting after the jump, or just use the direct links below. Special thanks to BloodyElbow and Cameldog for the hookups.

Jon Jones vs. Vitor Belfort
Cub Swanson vs. Charles Oliveira
Vinny Magalhães vs. Igor Pokrajac
Intermission: Ronda and Royce
Michael Bisping vs. Brian Stann
TJ Grant vs. Evan Dunham
Matt Hamill’s corner mix-up
Kyle Noke vs. Charlie Brenneman
Seth Baczynski vs. Simeon Thoresen

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Booking Smorgasbord: Oliveira vs. Swanson, Thiago vs. Kim, + More


(RagePotato: Using the sleekest technology possible to combine MMA and stupid internet trends since 2007.) 

Not many of us expected Brazilian up-and-comer Charles “do Bronx” Oliveira to absolutely manhandle TUF 12 winner Jonathan Brookins in the fashion he did at the TUF 15 Finale. Sure, Brookins’ head movement and general striking stance most closely resembles a Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em robot when his block has been knocked off, but Oliveira’s performance, which improved his featherweight record to 2-0, was truly a coming out party for a fighter who already had a considerable amount of hype behind him. Given the circumstances, it’s all the more appropriate (not to mention exciting) that Oliveira has been booked to take on fellow ever-rising featherweight Cub Swanson at UFC 152, which goes down on September 22nd at the Air Canada Centre in Toronto, Canada. Swanson has looked nothing short of spectacular lately, blistering George Roop and Ross Pearson in consecutive bouts at UFC on FOX 2 and UFC on FX 4.

After falling to the secret death-touch taught to Demian Maia by Sensei Seagal at UFC 148, Dong Hyun Kim is set to return to action against the always dangerous but struggling Paulo Thiago at UFC on FUEL 6, which will make for the UFC’s first ever trip to China on November 10th from the Cotai Arena in Cotai, Macau. Thiago last performed a dead-on impression of a cadaver in his bout with Siyar Bahadurzada at UFC on FUEL 2 (his first career loss via KO) and has dropped three of his last four bouts, so look for him to try and end things impressively against Kim because his career may be on the line.

And in heavyweight booking news…

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UFC on FX 4 Aftermath: Up is Down, Black is White, Fans Cheer Gray Maynard

By George Shunick


Our thoughts exactly. Props: MMAMania

Gray Maynard has never been the most popular UFC fighter. Maybe it’s because it’s almost impossible to picture him as an underdog; he’s an enormous lightweight who lives up his “Bully” moniker. (His choice of entrance music probably doesn’t do him any favors, either.) He’s always Goliath, and in our society we’re conditioned to root for David. That attitude was epitomized in Frankie Edgar’s back-to-back comebacks against him, with the crowd firmly in favor of the smaller fighter who seemed to rely on his will and technique, while Maynard relied on his size and power. As long as Maynard’s achievements were contextualized within that narrative, he would always be the villain.

Clay Guida won the first two rounds of their main event last night by constantly remaining out of Maynard’s reach, dictating the pace, occasionally landing jabs, and landing a solid head kick in the latter half of the second round. The action had been sparse throughout, but it seemed understandable; Guida obviously didn’t want to engage Maynard head on at first, he’d tire him out and then wear him down. Well, that didn’t happen. For the majority of the third round, Guida squandered whatever momentum he may have built by circling, dancing, and circling some more. It was UFC 112 Anderson Silva on meth. By the end of the round, Maynard was flailing with power punches, frustrated by Guida’s unwillingness to engage.

Midway through the fourth round, Maynard had enough. With Guida still circling and refusing to engage, Maynard finally grabbed a hold of him, landed some knees and then proceeding to embody the audience’s frustrations by dropping his hands and bellowing epithets, daring Guida to just stop running and hit him. Guida proceeded to oblige him, only to have Maynard walk through a hard overhand right, stuff a takedown and almost secure an arm-in guillotine in an unprecedented display of attitude and badassery that it actually caused fans to cheer him. Round 5 was unfortunately more of the same, which is to say, not much at all.

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Melvin Guillard to Be Strangled by Fabricio Camoes at UFC 148 and Other UFC Fight Booking Announcements


(Dammit! This was so much easier to escape in the video game!)  

On the heels of two straight submission via rear-naked choke losses courtesy of Joe Lauzon and Jim Miller, former “top contender” Melvin Guillard’s stock is probably at an all time low. The UFC, likely recognizing Melvin’s need to step up his ground game or GTFO, are not cutting him any slack, as they have paired him against 3rd degree (uh-oh) BJJ black belt (not good) under Royler Gracie (dear God) Fabricio Camoes. The worst part: Camoes is coming off a submission by rear-naked choke victory at UFC on FX: Guillard vs. Miller.

Game. Set. Soon.

Look, we’ve got mad respect for Melvin Guillard; how can you not love someone whose idea of avoiding the takedown is repeatedly throwing flying knees? But this does not look good for “The Young Assassin,” who may very well get the boot if he is submitted for the seventh time in his UFC career come July 7th. Come on Zuffa, you can’t even give him some low-level nobody to squash first?

Matter of fact, it looks to us like the UFC is trying to punish each and every member of The Blackzilians for Anthony Johnson’s colossal mistake. Have the Zuffa attorneys not informed DW and Joe Silva that judging a certain group of people based on one isolated incident is considered profiling, and could lead to a huge backlash from said group? If we could think of any examples from American history, say from around the 1960′s, that could possibly help prove this point, we would. Unfortunately, no such example exists. Perhaps we’re just lucky.

Join us after the jump for a ton of fight booking news…

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MMA Video/Gif Tribute: The Flying Mouthpiece

Over the past few weeks, we’ve taken a look at several unique knockouts in the world of mixed martial arts, and as Nick Diaz will tell you, now that we’re hooked, there’s no turning back. So today, we pay tribute to yet another aspect of the fight game, specifically, one that only happens on the rarest of occasions, like Halley’s Comet or Bob Sapp showing up to win. We’re talking, of course, about the moment in combat sports when a fighter delivers a shot with such force that it is able to dislodge the airtight mouthpiece from the opponent’s…mouth. It’s embarrassing, often causes a stop in the action, and doesn’t always end in a knockout, but it’s also hilarious, and that’s what we’re all about anyway. So with that in mind, here are some of the finest instances of the flying mouthpiece in MMA.

Forrest Griffin vs. Tito Ortiz – UFC 106
Forrest kicks out Tito's mouthpiece [UFC 106]

Rob McCullough vs. Olaf Alfonso – WEC 19

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