(“…unless it’s on short notice, in which case I’ll have to decline because it would be the worst decision of my career.” Pic Props: No Holds Barred)

By Jason Moles

The Ultimate Fighting Championship recently held its own version of Dana White’s “blocking spree,” as the official roster has been narrowed quite noticeably, leaving many to seek employment elsewhere. Over the past few weeks, a handful of fighters received their pink slips for refusing to take a fight on short notice, losing a fight taken on short notice, missing weight, and flat-out sucking. Although it’s been quite a while since we last did this, we feel it only necessary at this point in time to offer a few suggestions to the latest Zuffa casualties.

Dennis Hallman: If there’s one thing we’ll remember about Hallman, it’s his appearance in the Octagon wearing nothing but a Speedo and the gloves on his hands. The aging veteran (he’ll turn 37 in December) still has a few years before he’s eligible to receive those social security checks and will need to find a new gig to line his wallet. The timing couldn’t be better, really; as it turns out, Speedo needs a new PR guy. And to think you thought I was just grabbing low-hanging fruit. Psssh! Having a former UFC fighter with over 65 fights pushing your product will definitely put Speedo back on the map. He’ll tell consumers about the extra attention and unique propositions you’ll undoubtedly receive because of the confidence you exude. If he plays his cards right, maybe someone will pay him to just go away.

(He beat the crap out of Jamie Yager, so he’ll always be a legend in our book. Photo props: Justin M. Bowen/ Las Vegas Sun)

When UFC matchmaker Joe Silva calls you to fight on short notice as an injury replacement, sometimes it’s better to not even answer the phone. That’s the lesson we’ve learned from a contradictory pair of recent firings that seem to define the phrase “damned if you do, damned if you don’t.”

As confirmed by MMAFighting.com, welterweight contender (and former CagePotato guest-blogger) Rich Attonito has been released by the UFC. Attonito had an official record of 3-2 within the Octagon, and last competed at UFC 140 in December 2011, where he was TKO’d by Jake Hecht. Here’s the sequence of events that led to Rich’s firing, from the MMAFighting report:

When [Pascal] Krauss pulled out of UFC on FUEL TV 5, [Joe] Silva offered Rich Attonito the fight against [Gunnar] Nelson via Attonito’s manager Dan Lambert. Lambert spoke to the American Top Team fighter, who agreed to take the welterweight bout. The next day, Lambert called Silva to tell him Attonito said he would not be able to make the 170-pound weight limit on short notice. Silva then offered him the opportunity to take the fight at a 175-pound catch weight, which both Attonito and Nelson, through his manager and father Haraldur Nelson, agreed to. The next day, Lambert called Silva back again to inform him that Attonito would not be able to make the 175-pound catch weight either. As a result, Silva decided to release Attonito from his contract.

Here’s the deal: When the UFC offers you an opportunity to come in as a replacement fighter, you generally don’t get a day or two to think about it. Attonito’s crime was speaking too soon — agreeing to a fight before he realized that making weight would be impossible. But at the time the fight was offered to him, saying “no” to Joe Silva probably seemed like the bigger sin.

Anyway, Attonito changed his mind and got fired for it. And you probably remember what happened next…

(Johnson secures a dominant position against Mike Swick at UFC on FOX 4, shortly before it all fell apart.)

After suffering his third-straight stoppage loss against newcomer Gunnar Nelson at UFC on FUEL 5: Struve vs. Miocic, UFC welterweight DaMarques Johnson has been released by the promotion. Johnson confirmed the news via Twitter late last night. “And the hits keep on coming,” Darkness wrote. “No longer a UFC fighter.”

The TUF 9 finalist complied an official record of 4-6 within the Octagon, with none of those fights going to decision — a stat that placed him in a first-place tie on the “Least Decision-Prone UFC Fighters of All Time” leaderboard. His most recent fight was somewhat controversial in that it came just 56 days after a brutal knockout loss to Mike Swick. Johnson faced Gunnar Nelson on short notice as an injury replacement, and while the UFC usually gives extra leeway to fighters who step up to save fights, the fact that Johnson didn’t even come close to making weight likely sealed his fate.

In other firing news…

(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

Stefan Struve, Stipe Miocic, Dan Hardy, Amir Sadollah, and the rest of the fighters on tomorrow’s UFC on FUEL TV 5 card will be hitting the scales today at the Capital FM Arena in Nottingham, England, and you can watch all the thrilling weigh-in action in the player above, beginning at 11 a.m. ET / 8 a.m. PT; we’ll be updating the results after the jump. Remember to come back to CagePotato.com tomorrow at 4 p.m. ET / 1 p.m. PT for our liveblog of the FUEL main card.

(“You know the deal, guys. Whoever puts on the most impressive performance tonight gets the title shot.” [*unzips*] / Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle.com. For more photos from this set, click here.)

By Ryan Sarr

Who is going to win the “Jon Jones Sweepstakes?” That is the big question heading into the UFC’s fourth venture onto network television tonight. Dana White was so pissed about the boring, lackluster abomination that was the UFC 149 main card, that he decided to award a light-heavyweight title shot to the man who wins the “most impressively“ among the four main and co-main event participants. (Yes, even Brandon Vera)  The only problem with this scenario is that all four men — Shogun, Vera, Machida, and Bader — have each been decisively destroyed by Jon Jones in previous fights.

Nonetheless, this fight card is still very intriguing and offers many reasons to tune in.  First of all: It’s free on Fox. Second, all four main card bouts are likely to be exciting, fast-paced battles. It also marks the return of the very talented Mike Swick to the Octagon, who hasn’t fought in over two years. Finally, we have a chance to see a true Cinderella story play out once again as Jamie Varner gets a chance to take another huge step up in his comeback by fighting on a main card on network television. So, join me as I break down the main card for UFC on Fox 4 and offer my predictions as to who will emerge victorious.

Mike Swick (14-4, 9-3 UFC) vs. DaMarques Johnson (15-10, 4-4 UFC)

DaMarques Johnson said in the fight promo, “There’s a 50% chance I’m gonna win this fight, there’s a 100% chance that somebody’s taking a nap,” and Johnson has the track record to back it up: None of his fights in the UFC have gone the distance. The Jeremy Horn protégé has slick submission skills to go along with his heavy hands. We know Johnson will bring a fast-paced, exciting style into the Octagon, and his opponent Mike Swick will almost certainly do the same.

(Needing to decide upon his future in the UFC, Swick galloped into a wooded glen, and after punch-dancing out his rage and suffering an extremely long and very painful fall, he realized what had to be done.)

To quote David After Dentist, “Is this real life?”

Outdated reference? Sure, but to give you some perspective, the last time anyone saw UFC welterweight Mike Swick in action, that little SOB’s anesthesia adventure was the biggest Youtube sensation going. It has really been that long.

But it seems the man known as “Quick” will finally step back into the octagon before his mid-life crisis hits him, as he has been scheduled to take on TUF 9 alum Damarques “Darkness” Johnson at UFC on FOX 4, which goes down at the Staples Center in Los Angeles on August 4th.

(Apparently Lesnar was the only one who wasn’t a fan of Anderson Silva’s nude pictorial.) 

Adhering to its usual formula and taking a look back at the locker room footage from the previous event, the newest edition of UFC President Dana White’s infamous vlog features an up close and personal look at the poor bastards who came up short at UFC on FUEL: Gustafsson vs. Silva. And Brian Stann. He’s simply too nice to not be around at all times.

After DW’s regular introduction, we are treated to the woeful words of Damacio Page, Damarques Johnson, and Thiago Silva, who all insist that they are “fine.” We know what that really means. But worse than “The Angel of Death,” worse even than “Darkness,” is the silent sorrow of Paulo Thiago, who stares on in disbelief when re-watching the final moments of his first round KO loss to Siyar Bahadurzada. Thiago has now lost three of his last four UFC contests, despite having the most badass day job of any UFC fighter ever. Chin up, Paulo, we know you’ll be back with a vengeance.

Check out the video after the jump. 

(Whether it’s because of horsemeat, hard work or good genetics, these guys don’t get sand kicked in their faces at the beach.)

A few months ago, our friends over at MuscleProdigy.com put together an extensive and widely popular list of The Top 100 Most Jacked NFL Players. Since then, they have been barraged with requests to assemble a similar list with MMA fighters, so to keep the masses happy, they did just that.

The judging criteria they used was similar to the one employed in bodybuilding competition and included points for muscular size, vascularity, leanness, proportionality, aesthetics, and rarity of body type.

All of these factors contributed equally in determining the final order of the list.

For example, a 230 pound heavyweight who has huge arms, but no abs did not score as high as a ripped 155 pound lightweight.

A sliding scale was used to allow for weight variances and the typically increased body fat percentages in fighters at larger weights. For fighters who compete in more than one weight class, they used the weight they typically fight at the most.

If you’re looking for a hard to find workout programs used by your favorite fighter, you can find many of them at Muscle Prodigy.

In the meantime, check out numbers 100 to 91 after the jump.

Knock it off, you two. We said “Gif Party”, not “Punch Face Party“! (Props: Cagewriter/Tracy Lee)

It’s not everyday that we’re treated to “the biggest fight in the history of the sport”, and even rarer that a single gif covers the pre-fight warm up, the bout, the post-fight celebration, and the after party at Ghost Bar. That calls for a GIF party. Though the sole focus of last night’s UFC on FOX event yielded precious little in terms of motion-picture awesomeness, the fighters relegated to the dark corners of social media came through in spades.

Join us after the jump for an incredible collection of throws, slams, submissions, knock outs, spinning everythings, and even some good old fashioned mid-fight showboating.

(Thanks to Zombie Prophet, as usual, for the gifs)

The shorts don’t lie. (Pic: UFC.com)

In the weeks leading up to last night’s Heavyweight Championship bout, Dana White trumpeted that “whether this fight goes 30 seconds or 30 minutes, this is going to be a fight right here.” It was a fight, and it was slightly longer than 30 seconds, but in the post fight analysis Dana appeared frustrated and was searching for a reason that his champion went down so quickly. With all of the buildup and hype, I can’t help but think that first time viewers were equally confused and found the whole affair to be anticlimactic. Were that all the action we got to see last night, we’d probably be disappointed as well, but thank god for Facebook.

With regards to the main event, there’s not a lot to say, really. Junior Dos Santos hits hard. Cain’s game plan has been under attack, but it’s not like he got butchered on his feet for two rounds while doggedly refusing to shoot for a single. Velasquez got nailed with a huge overhand right just 55 seconds into the bout after already trying unsuccessfully for a takedown. Obviously, getting Dos Santos off of his feet quickly would have been Cain’s best option, but for a versatile heavyweight fighting under the brightest lights ever shone on a UFC fighter, shooting in for a Couture-Toney ankle pick with the opening bell still ringing wouldn’t do. Props to Dos Santos for getting it done quickly and violently in the Knock Out of the Night. It wasn’t the most epic fight that the UFC and FOX could have hoped for, but it was a memorable one. That Dos Santos did it with a torn meniscus is all the more impressive.

(Leonard Garcia [left] paid Tim Burton $3,250 for that custom-made zombie-head. And still, the crowd cheered harder for Dan Hardy’s ironic Charlie Sheen t-shirt. There’s just no accounting for taste. / Photos courtesy of the UFC Fight Night 24 Weigh In Pics gallery on CombatLifestyle.com)

Just think: If not for a completely unexpected injury, you’d all be watching Tito Ortiz‘s big comeback tonight — or not watching it, depending on your current interest level in Tito Ortiz. Instead, Phil Davis gets a shot at the big time, and Tito’s retirement fight is delayed until July. Anyway, we’ve got a solid lineup of free fights on Spike TV, kicking off at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT with Leonard Garcia vs. Chan Sung Jung 2, Revenge of the Zombie. We’re excited, and we hope you are as well. Round-by-round results can be found after the jump; refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest. Thanks for coming.

(If you don’t know the backstory on this one, Krazy Horse claims to have knocked Wand out back stage at a PRIDE Bushido event, which led to him later being choked out by Cris Marcello -VidProps MegaSlim7)

Some selected highlights from our friends around the MMA blogosphere. E-mail feedback@cagepotato.com for details on how your site can join the MMA Link Club…

- Ring Girls Round-Up: Nikki Chang (LowKick)

– FEG President Foresees Death of K-1 and DREAM (MMA Fighting)

– DaMarques Johnson Interview (MiddleEasy)

– Big Nog’ Says JDS Will KO Brock (MMAConvert)

– Teammates Look to Point Featherweights in Right Direction (Versus MMA Beat)

– Cain Velasquez Back Training After Successful Shoulder Surgery (FiveOuncesofPain)

– 5 of the Scariest Knockouts Ever (MMAScraps)

– UFC Champ Frankie Edgar FINALLY Favored to Win a Fight (5thRound)

– The 8 Heavyweights Bellator Needs To Sign (FightMagazine)

– Roop Talks Fighting Teammate Hominick at UFC Fight For the Troops II  (SBNation.com/MMA)

(What Leonard lacks in striking technique and conditioning, he more than makes up for with his unshakable sense of humor.)

Despite coming off a disappointing performance at WEC 51 in which he was outstruck to a split decision loss against Mark Hominick, former featherweight title contender Leonard Garcia will be one of the first 145-pounders to debut in the Octagon, when he meets Tyler Toner at the TUF 12 Finale (December 4, Las Vegas). The match will be Garcia’s first in the UFC since his 1-2 stint as a lightweight in 2007. Garcia is 1-2-1 in his last four fights in the WEC, with his only victory coming in a very questionable decision against Chan Sung Jung. Tyler Toner most recently dropped a decision against Diego Nunes at WEC 51. The TUF 12 finale takes place four weeks before the "official" debut of WEC talent at UFC 125, and 12 days before the WEC’s last event.

Speaking of the TUF 12 Finale, our guest-blogging friend Rich Attonito will reportedly take on Renzo Gracie product Dave Branch in a middleweight contest on the card. After being forced out of the competition on TUF 11 due to a broken hand, Attonito came back to shut Jamie Yager’s big mouth at the TUF 11 finale, then outscored Rafael Natal at UFC Fight Night 22. Branch was the victim of a Gerald Harris body-slam KO in his Octagon debut at UFC 116, but rallied back to win a decision over Tomasz Drwal, also at UFC Fight Night 22.

In other booking news…

(Back from the grave: James Irvin yesterday [left], and in March [right]. Photos courtesy of CombatLifestyle)

Spoilers after the jump…

(Paul Thatcher shoots model Jade Bryce for FIGHT!’s July 2010 issue. She enjoys camping, Roger Huerta, and covering her boobs with boxing gloves. Props: FIGHT! Magazine)

Some selected highlights from our friends around the MMA blogosphere. E-mail feedback@cagepotato.com for details on how your site can join the MMA Link Club…

– Bold MMA Predictions For The Second Half Of 2010 (Heavy.com/MMA)

- Chad Griggs: Lashley Is Strikeforce’s Golden Child, But Very Beatable (MMA Fighting)

– The Most Ridiculous Nick Diaz T-Shirt Ever Printed (MiddleEasy)

– Community Interview: WEC Featherweight Contender Josh Grispi Answers Questions From Fans (LowKick)

– After TUF Loss, DaMarques Johnson Still Climbing the UFC Ranks (Versus MMA Beat)

– Mitrione vs. Beltran, Dollaway vs. Doerkson set for UFC 119 Prelims on Spike TV (Five Ounces of Pain)

- Brock Lesnar Makes it Rain, PPV Buys That Is (Watch Kalib Run)

– Knockout of the Day: Segio Junior vs. Thiago Gomes da Silva (MMA Scraps)

(DaMarques Johnson turns the tables on Brad Blackburn. Photo courtesy of allelbows.)

Since UFC 112 featured two title fights that both went the distance in completely baffling fashion, we didn’t get to see much preliminary card action, with the exception of Phil Davis’s first-round stoppage of Alexander Gustafsson. Here’s how the dark matches shook out…

– Phil Davis def. Alexander Gustafsson via submission (anaconda choke), 4:55 of round 1. 
– Rick Story def. Nick Osipczak via split decision (29-28, 28-29, 29-28)
– DaMarques Johnson def. Brad Blackburn via TKO, 2:08 of round 3
– Paul Kelly def. Matt Veach via submission (guillotine choke), 3:41 of round 2
– Jon Madsen def. Mostapha Al Turk via unanimous decision (29-28, 29-28, 29-28)

With three straight losses, Al Turk is definitely heading to the scrap yard after this one, while Blackburn and Veach may also be in trouble after suffering their second-consecutive defeats. But enough about those poor losers. Blackburn’s opponent DaMarques Johnson picked up a $75,000 Knockout of the Night bonus for putting Bad Brad away with a body kick in the third round of their fight after getting handled for most of the first two frames. Rafael Dos Anjos was awarded the Submission of the Night bonus for his armbar of Terry Etim, while the Fight of the Night was given to Mark Munoz and Kendall Grove for their two-rounder, which Munoz won via TKO after almost getting finished repeatedly in round one.

(Wilson Gouveia [in the Brazilian shorts] and Alan Belcher [in the Fairyland shorts] slug it out at UFC 107. Photo courtesy of MMA Fanhouse.)

Despite some thrilling moments in UFC 107‘s main card, the UFC awarded all of its traditional end-of-night bonuses to preliminary card fighters. Scoring the $65,000 pay bumps were…

Knockout of the Night: TJ Grant, for wrecking Kevin Burns with a right hook in the closing seconds of their one-rounder, which kicked off the prelims.

Submission of the Night: DaMarques Johnson, who upkicked the wits out of Edgar Garcia, then quickly finished him with a triangle choke in the first round of their fight. The memorable sequence — which was shown at the end of the pay-per-view broadcast — occurred shortly after Johnson was punched to the mat.

Fight of the Night: Alan Belcher vs. Wilson Gouveia, which also made it to the PPV broadcast. Though their match was the second-shortest of the night, it was a fast-paced striking war that ended with Gouveia crumpling under Belcher’s onslaught. And really, are you going to give it to Clay Guida three fights in a row? You know he’ll just blow it all on shampoo and energy drinks…

(James Wilks chokes out DaMarques Johnson at the TUF 9 finale in June. Props: OC Register)

If you’re like us, you may have already forgotten that there was a ninth season of The Ultimate Fighter, which featured a bunch of guys from the U.K., two of whom won six-figure contracts with the UFC. But what TUF 9 lacked in drama and overall talent level, it more than made up for in…in…uh…sorry, lost my train of thought there. Anyway, James Wilks is probably going to fight Matt "The Immortal" Brown at UFC 105 (November 14th, Manchester). Oddly enough, it will be Wilks’s first fight in England; the well-rounded welterweight scrapper moved to the U.S. in 2000, and competed only in California before joining the TUF 9 cast. Brown is the TUF 7 vet and former drug addict who has looked very sharp following his reality show stint, and is coming off back-to-back stoppage victories over Ryan Thomas and (infamously) Pete Sell.

Also on the Manchester card will be Wilks’s TUF 9 rival, DaMarques Johnson. According to MMA Weekly, the Salt Lake City native will be taking on Peter Sobotta, who dropped a unanimous decision to Paul Taylor during his Octagon debut at UFC 99. Needless to say, the loser of this fight had better hope that Strikeforce is hiring. As of now, no other fights have been confirmed for UFC 105.

(Three points, down the drain. Photo courtesy of MMA Weekly.)

Due to a string of minor upsets at the TUF 9 Finale, we got murdered in the latest round of our fight-picking contest. (It doesn’t matter that we’re ineligible to win the Lyoto Machida DVD set; it still hurts.) Ben F. went from hero to zero, earning just six points on Saturday night to add to his still-respectable two-event total of 29. Ben G. did only slightly better this weekend, adding 10 points and ending up with a total of 25.

If you overcame the odds and racked up impressive scores for UFC 99 and the TUF 9 Finale, let us know your sum total in the comments section below. We’ll be verifying the top scores soon and announcing the first winner in a couple days. No worries if you crashed and burned this time; you’ll have another chance to win by predicting the outcome of UFC 100. Many thanks to everyone who played!

10. "I’m here to get paid and hurt people’s feelings, so…it’s time to do the man dance." — Damarques Johnson, offering his mission statement.

9. "You just gotta do what you gotta do whatcha can." — Dan Henderson, on the meaning of life.

8. “Oiiiieeeeehhhh!” — Michael Bisping, every time a Team U.K. fighter landed a shot on an American, and sometimes when they just came close.

7. "Put another shrimp on the barbie!" — Rob Browning, not the most worldly gentleman, tries to mock the Brits with a beloved Australian catchphrase.

With MMA Madness reporting that Frank Lester vs. Nick Osipczak will be added to the TUF 9 finale, and the Grant/Markham scrap taken off the card, we have a pretty solid idea of what Saturday’s show will look like, barring any last-minute surprises. Here’s the lineup:

MAIN CARD
Diego Sanchez vs. Clay Guida (LW)
DaMarques Johnson vs. James Wilks (TUF 9 welterweight finals)
Ross Pearson vs. Andre Winner (TUF 9 lightweight finals)
Joe Stevenson vs. Nate Diaz (LW)
Chris Lytle vs. Kevin Burns (WW)

PRELIMINARY CARD
Melvin Guillard vs. Gleison Tibau (LW)
Mike Ciesnolevicz vs. Tomasz Drwal (LHW)
Brad Blackburn vs. Edgar Garcia (WW)
Cameron Dollar vs. Jason Dent (LW)
Frank Lester vs. Nick Osipczak (WW)

So if you participated in round 1 of our pick-off contest and you still want the Lyoto Machida "Karate for Mixed Martial Arts" DVD set, read on…

(Click above for the completed TUF 9 welterweight bracket. Props: Wikipedia.)

With the last welterweight semifinal coming up, Team U.S. comes together for one last barbecue. Frank Lester gets all swoony over Dan Henderson, telling Hendo "your eyes don’t look bad at all" and "I wouldn’t fuck with you because of your ears." This is what six weeks without women will do to a man.

Damarques Johnson does his best to build up Lester’s confidence for his fight against James Wilks. He says James can’t absorb as much damage as Frank and be okay with it. We never really got to see why Damarques hates James so much, but Damarques tells us that "James is just such a pompous prick, and I want Frank to hurt him badly." He also refers to James as a "pretty boy." Seriously. This James Wilks. I think it’s safe to say that Damarques has a different standard of beauty than the rest of us. Just another example of how the absence of females can distort your perceptions.

TUF 9.10, Osipczak vs. Johnson – Watch more Funny Videos

It’s time to pick TUF 9‘s semi-final matchups, and while this could have been another opportunity for an argument, Bisping and Henderson are pretty much on the same page. They’d like to see Cameron/Ross and Jason/Andre in the lightweight bracket, and James/Demarques and Nick/Frank for the welterweights. The fighters are asked who they want to take on. James wants Damarques and Damarques wants James. ("I want to hurt his feelings.") Nick wants Frankie and Frankie wants Nick. Ross wants Jason, but Jason wants Andre, and Andre is "happy to fight eeva."

Cameron breaks ranks and brings up his teammate Jason Dent as the guy he’d like to fight. He tries to backtrack, but the seed has already been planted in Dana’s head. DW suggests putting teammates against each other in the semis. "Fuck that, no way," Bisping says. Then, echoing the thoughts of every Internet message board conspiracy theorist: "What so you can guarantee one of each in the finals?…I think we have the stronger team and you’re worried that you’ll have an all-UK final."

(The UFC garage-door backdrop — never a good sign.)

Team U.S. lightweight Santino Defranco gives us the inside scoop on Cameron Dollar’s tall tales, Jason Dent’s future as a presidential assassin, "black on black crime," and the quarterfinal fight that knocked him out of contention on Wednesday’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter.

***

From one of the greatest movies of all time, "You don’t mow another mans lawn."

That statement still holds true today, especially when you are going to announce to the world, on live television mind you, that you slept with your best friend’s wife. Bad form man. Very bad form. I am a married man and the thing I hold "most" sacred in this world is my marriage. There is nothing and I mean NOTHING more sacred to me than my wife and the bond we share. If I found out that my best friend(s) were sleeping with my wife I would live out the rest of my days behind steel bars or in solitary.

Anyways, now that I’m done with being creepy myself, back to the show.