Dana White

According to Brock Lesnar's jiu-jitsu coach, Rodrigo "Comprido" Medeiros, the big man is healing up after his surgery and will "be fighting again within six months."  That means Lesnar-Carwin could take place this spring, and there will be no need for an interim title or any other such nonsense.  Great, right?  Only maybe we should consider the possibility, however minor, that "Comprido" is substituting blind optimism for medical knowledge.

If we can believe what Dana White says, Lesnar had a hole in his intestine that was leaking stuff into his stomach.  I'm no more a doctor than I am a jiu-jitsu world champion, but that sounds like the kind of thing that could sideline a man for a little while.  Even if the surgery was completely successful in repairing the problems, Lesnar will probably need to rest for a little while before returning to the kind of intense training that might prepare him for a title defense. 

In other words, let's take this six month promise with a grain of salt.  While it's believable that Lesnar may heal much faster than your average mortal, it's also possible that he might need more time to put this behind him and get in shape to defend a heavyweight championship.  Especially after what those Canadian doctors did to him. 

(Props: twitter.com/danawhite)

Look, everybody knows that Karo Parisyan is a very troubled young man. But we're still shocked by the now-emerging news that Parisyan has pulled out of a fight at the last minute for the second time in his UFC career, directly following his nine-month suspension for the use of unapproved meds. Judging from his tweets, it's obvious that UFC prez Dana White has had enough of Karo's bullshit, and we may never see the Heat inside of the Octagon ever again. As for Parisyan's "laundry list of excuses" for canceling his UFC 106 meeting with Dustin Hazelett, MMA Weekly presents one explanation:

However, Nevada State Athletic Commission Executive Director Keith Kizer's side of the story is quite a bit different. As he told Sherdog:

(Enjoy your long winter breaks, boys.  Try to lay off the Christmas chocolates.)

According to Dan Wetzel of Yahoo! Sports, the UFC is spreading the word that May 1 will bring the much-anticipated and very necessary rematch between UFC light heavyweight champ Lyoto Machida and Mauricio "Shogun" Rua in Montreal.  That also happens to be May Day, so maybe Machida and Rua will celebrate by leading their fellow UFC workers in a bloody revolution against the bourgeoisie oppressors in the Zuffa front office.  More likely though, they'll just fight each other for a whole lot of money in front of a packed audience of Quebecois.  

Sure, May is kind of a long time to wait for this rematch, and by then we may have forgotten how heated we were about the controversy surrounding the decision, but after going five hard rounds these guys need some time off before they begin another training camp.  Plus, if the UFC waits long enough, maybe the light heavyweight division will sort itself out and an obvious challenger will appear.  Or maybe by then "Rampage" Jackson will be filming an "A-Team" sequel, Rashad Evans will have joined the cast of "The Real World," and Tito Ortiz will be directing porn movies under the name Rod Poundington.  The way the UFC's luck has been lately, it's not really that far-fetched. 

It's the week of UFC 106, but coming off a trip across the pond for last weekend's show, Dana White doesn't feel like he has enough material for a new video blog.  Fortunately for him, his personal videographer never uploaded the fight night footage from UFC 104 in Los Angeles, so why not just put that on the internet and call it good?  Things are going smoothly at first.  DW presses the flesh with some celebrities, talks to some fighters in the locker rooms, passes by ace interviewer and hopelessly unfashionable friend of the Potato Ariel Helwani (is that a flannel shirt? is it 1994?) at the 5:15 mark.  But when he watches refereee Steve Mazzagatti's oddly-timed stoppage in the Cain Velasquez-Ben Rothwell fight, that's when White loses his cool just a bit.

"Mazzagatti will fuck up any fight," White says directly into the camera.  "The worst referee in the history of fighting.  Period.  I don't care if there was a fight back in the old days, okay, the Stone Age.  Mazzagatti is the worst referee ever.  The guy has no business watching mixed martial arts, let alone refereeing it."

White then visited both Velasquez and Rothwell to make sure they both knew what a terrible referee Mazzagatti was, and after that he presumably called Mazzagatti's children to let them know that their father is a failure.  That part must have been edited out.

And so the Brock Lesnar illness saga continues.  According to Dana White's Twitter, the UFC heavyweight champ is out of "minor surgery" and beginning to feel better.  Since the surgery was presumably designed to help deal with a bacterial infection in his intestinal tract, it's hard to imagine that there could anything too minor about it.   Where I come from, wisdom tooth extraction = minor, anything having to do with intestines = major.

At least the surgery sounds like it went well and now White can finally get out of Bismarck.  Meanwhile, every other fighter in the UFC is forced to ask himself, what would it take for Dana to come visit me in a place like North Dakota?  The answer, of course, depends on who you are.  Georges St. Pierre?  Probably wouldn't take much more than a mild heart attack.  Tito Ortiz?  There'd better be some exposed brain matter involved.  Kendall Grove?  Unless aliens show up and declare him their emperor for life, DW isn't even getting out of bed.