(If Dana were to give an actual State of the Union, we imagine it would sound a little something like this.)

Now, I know I am going to take a lot of flack for writing this, but it’s good to see that UFC President Dana White is at least addressing our concerns when it comes to the clusterfuck that is MMA judging and refereeing. No matter what, or should I say, whose, side you took in the whole Diaz/Condit debacle, you probably agree that there need to be some serious changes made when it comes to choosing the winner of a given fight. And don’t even get us started on the Koscheck/Pierce decision.

The simple fact is that although the sport has evolved in leaps and bounds over the years, the matter by which it is judged has refused to change its mindset, like a stubborn old man who still believes that a mythical beast hustled him out of three dollars and fifty cents.

And while reffing will always contain a certain degree of human subjectivity (as with any other sport), MMA judges should be able to adhere to stricter, more definable rules than “aggression” and “octagon control,” which leave a lot of room for interpretation when it comes to deciding a close round. We’ve already put forth several options, and per usual, no one has returned our calls.

Anyway, join us after the jump for a transcription of DW’s inaugural “Presidential Address,” as well a snippet about his plans to bring the UFC to Hawaii.

(We should have known that Harold Howard would be snubbed. It’s politics, man. It’s all politics.)

This Saturday at UFC 143, the UFC will unveil the broadcast intro that has replaced our fallen gladiator. Known as “Evolution,” the 60-second clip will “pay tribute to all the guys who have helped build this company and helped build this sport over the last 10 years during the Zuffa era,” as Dana White put it. Basically, it’s the most elaborate, big-budget MMA highlight reel ever produced. Read on, and you won’t be shocked when you see it tomorrow…

1) With the exception of Royce Gracie vs. Ken Shamrock at UFC 1, “Evolution” doesn’t include anything before UFC 30.
Here’s a list of the 18 fights featured in the intro, via MMAFighting: Royce Gracie vs. Ken Shamrock (UFC 1), Tito Ortiz vs. Evan Tanner (UFC 30), Matt Hughes vs. Frank Trigg (UFC 52), Chuck Liddell vs. Tito Ortiz (UFC 47), BJ Penn vs. Sean Sherk (UFC 84), Georges St-Pierre vs. Matt Hughes (UFC 65), Randy Couture vs. Tim Sylvia (UFC 68), Quinton Jackson vs. Wanderlei Silva (UFC 92), Brock Lesnar vs. Heath Herring (UFC 87), Rich Franklin vs. Nate Quarry (UFC 56), Junior dos Santos vs. Gilbert Yvel (UFC 108), Dominick Cruz vs. Demetrious Johnson (UFC on VS 6), Forrest Griffin vs. Stephan Bonnar (TUF 1 Finale), Cain Velasquez vs. Brock Lesnar (UFC 121), Frankie Edgar vs. Gray Maynard (UFC 125), Jose Aldo vs. Mark Hominick (UFC 129), Jon Jones vs. Stephan Bonnar (UFC 94), Anderson Silva vs. Vitor Belfort (UFC 126).

The UFC made a point to include all seven current UFC champions, as well as “the guys, almost in chronological order, who have helped us get here,” White said. Of course, the UFC’s SEG-era champions and stars are conspicuously absent. No Frank Shamrock, no Pat Miletich, no Tank Abbott.

2) The intro cost “an obscene amount of money,” and was delayed because of Rich Franklin.

(“Medium rare? What the f*ck is that supposed to mean and why is that your answer to every one of my questions?”)

With all of his WWE-esque posturing the past few years it’s been tough to discern who the real “Chael P. Sonnen” is. Thankfully we have Dr. Phil to get to the bottom of things.

Check out Chael in his most candid interview like you’ve never seen him before being open and honest with Oprah’s BFF after the jump.

By now, you know the deal when it comes to Dana White’s videoblogs, and today’s “episode” is no different. Taking a behind-the-scenes look at the aftermath of the UFC’s second Fox event, the UFC 143 videoblog contains the familiar mix of upper and downer moments, with an emphasis on the downer. Especially tough to watch is Joey Beltran’s realization that his Zuffa career may have reached a temporary standstill in the wake of his first round KO loss to Lavar Johnson. Keep your chin up, “Mexicutioner.”

Let’s get right to the highlights.

(0:45) - Jon Jones, seen here for the last time before disappearing into a thicket of notes from which he has yet to emerge.

(1:22) – God damn it, will someone give Beltran a hug and tell him that everything is going to be alright?

(1:40) – Eric Wisely, still in awe of the calf-slicer Charles Oliveira was able to pull on him. The pain was apparently so incredible that Wisely has trouble explaining to the backstage physician where exactly the strain was.

(2:48) – Jon Jones explains how Cub Swanson is one of the “nastiest dudes” on Team Jackson. He makes a good point.

(“Wait. How did he know I was writing this from my mom’s basement. Scary.”)

According to a story released today by Softpedia.com, the hacker that shut down UFC.com and posted Dana White’s purported personal information including his Social Security number, phone numbers and net worth, was a 13-year-old Australian computer whiz who goes by the handle s3rver.exe

When I was 13 I couldn’t even beat Super Mario Brothers. This kid claims to have “taken down” over 120 and hacked over 150 websites, including Mastercard.com and URLs belonging to the Oakland Police Department and the Federal Bureau of Investigation using the same software that others use to steal credit card and banking information.

Today is truly a sad day for the MMA world, one that no amount of Office Space parodies or Korean television can resolve. For today, a great man has died, and therefore has taken a piece of us all with him. We’re talking, of course, about none other than the unacknowledged gladiator who’s trials and tribulations were once synonymous with the beginning of every UFC event. We’re talking about the nameless, faceless warrior who could grind sand into…well, sand, in the palm of his hand whilst an epic chorus sang in the background. Though we never knew what lied beyond the blinding white he so courageously stepped into night after night, it seems now that the mysterious abyss was in fact the UFC vault. The Underground was the first to break the story:

Tonight, UFC President Dana White revealed exclusively to the Underground that the opening sequence for its PPV broadcast has been redone and the new introduction will be revealed this Saturday for UFC 143. The event will feature Nick Diaz fighting Carlos Condit for the interim welterweight championship in the main event.

The opening sequence, which has shown a Roman gladiator preparing for battle has often been critiqued by fans and although the sequence hasn’t been used by the UFC on its FOX and Fuel TV broadcasts, it had been present as most recent as this past UFC 142.

To quote the UFC President directly: “He’s been cut.”

We know what you’re thinking, what does this mean for Stemm?

(Video courtesy of YouTube/UFC)

Nothing groundbreaking this time around, but I’m starting to agree with Nick Diaz about how it’s strange that the UFC expects fighters to be cordial and play nice before an event.

(Jesus Christ Rumble, pull yourself together, will you?) 

If you recall, about a fortnight ago, super middleweight contender Anthony Johnson showed up to the UFC 142 weigh-ins at a Weigh-In Failure Leaderboard Record of 12 pounds heavy for his clash with former UFC light heavyweight champion Vitor Belfort. Dana White all but fired Johnson on the spot, labeling him “unprofessional,” to which Johnson responded by laughing at all us ignant haters. After a strong start in his fight with “The Phenom,” Johnson quickly gassed and succumbed to a first round rear-naked choke, and was given his walking papers promptly afterward.

Well, it seems that, despite missing weight for 25% of his UFC bouts, “Rumble” still has an outside chance of getting back into the sport’s highest promotion. When questioned about the issue following the UFC on Fox 2 press conference, White stated:

[Johnson] needs to go fight somewhere else, get some wins and come in on weight. He needs to prove to me that he can be a professional, show up on weight and do the things that he needs to do. [If] he gets a few fights under his belt and does that, we’ll talk.

You can likely add CBS Sports to the growing list of media outlets on the outside looking in at the boys club that is granted media access to UFC and Strikeforce events after publishing a scathing editorial today. The piece, entitled, “Calling out UFC is a losing fight, but it’s time to step into the cage,” ironically, focused on Zuffa’s heavy-handed press bans handed out when stories such as his get published and the disparity between the company’s gross revenues and total yearly fighter salaries.

As the writer Gregg Doyel, who admits to being a relatively new fan and reporter of the sport mentions, he is hopeful that things don’t change between him and Dana since he has been approved for a press pass for the next Strikeforce show and is remaining optimistic that he’ll still receive his promised media credentials. Take it from us, it ain’t gonna happen.

“And if you think *I’m* upset, young man, you just WAIT until your father gets home!” (Pic: MMAMania.com)

Sometimes a fighter gets cut under bizarre circumstances that no one saw coming, and sometimes the writing is on the wall.

There was very little Anthony Johnson could have done last night to preserve his job in the UFC, and “losing” wasn’t on the short list. Every facet of Johnson’s battle with gravity has been a spectacle. On Friday night, he missed weight for the third time in his UFC career—that’s a first for the promotion. And when he stepped on the scales, he didn’t miss by a slim margin, either. He was closer to the light heavyweight limit than he was the middleweight. The eleven extra pounds he was sporting? That sets a UFC record as well.

Now we’ve already belabored Johnson’s lack of professionalism over the last two days, and whether it’s through a dinner invitation or a dismissive laugh, “Rumble” has made it clear that he doesn’t care what we the fans think. One person that does matter, however, is his boss. Here’s what Dana White had to say on the issue.

(Video courtesy of YouTube.com/UFC)

Dana White’s latest vlog walks us through the behind the scenes drama at yesterday’s weigh-ins. Before the action unfolds we get to tag along with the multimillionaire fight baron as he soars over the slums of Rio in a private helicopter. Poetry.

Things get interesting when Vitor Belfort checks in at the arena. Watching “The Phenom” gnaw away on a towel of crushed ice like a starved animal as he learns that “Rumble” is nowhere in the vicinity of 185lbs makes Johnson’s massive failure all the more unforgivable. Vitor had the option of stopping his cut and fighting at a catchweight, but ultimately chose the path of the professional and made the contracted weight. That 20% of Johnson’s purse probably didn’t hurt his decision.

Join us back here this evening as we kick off our Liveblog with the prelims on FX!

(“If they aren’t with us, they’re against us, and in that case we will crush them.”)

The much ballyhooed ESPN: Outside the Lines (which we originally erroneously identified as E:60) episode dealing with UFC salaries and the assertion that the promotion is becoming a monopoly will air Sunday morning on the sports network and Dana White says he’s looking forward to it.

According to the UFC president, the company is preparing to counter-program the show with the uncut and unedited version of the interview with UFC chairman and CEO Lorenzo Fertitta to expose ESPN and the outlet’s main MMA analyst Josh Gross, who contributed to the episode.

(“What the hell did you put in my Bud Light?”)

According to Dave Meltzer’s Wrestling Observer Newsletter, Antonio Inoki’s Inoki Genome Federation is trying to put together a pro wrestling bout between recently retired former UFC heavyweight champion Brock Lesnar and former PRIDE and WAMMA heavyweight champion Fedor Emelianenko.

The chances of the one-off fake fight happening are slim-to-none considering Brock mentioned that one of the main reasons he retired was to spend more time with his family after his pair of diverticulitis scares the past two years. Travelling to Japan likely isn’t high on his list of family vacations.

(Oh, you DID NOT just deny my Facebook friend request, Reilly.)

In an interview given to MMAFightCorner, Dana White didn’t beat around the bush when discussing the possibility of finally legalizing mixed martial arts in New York. If you recall, the UFC recently filed a law suit against New York, claiming that the “Empire State” was in breach of their first amendment rights to peacefully assemble. Specifically, Zuffa lawyers have been attempting to prove that mixed martial arts is a form of entertainment, like any other sport, and therefore cannot be criminalized.

Well, it seems we may have finally reached the mountaintop, so to speak, as the UFC President seems more than confident that 2012 will be the year that New Yorkers near and far will finally be able to sit down and watch MMA from somewhere other than their couches:

We’re so close. It’s going to happen, and I guarantee you it’s going to happen this year. It’s going to depend on when it happens, timing and everything else, but obviously, it would be nice to go in there with, probably, Jon Jones.

(Props: PopCandiesTv via MMAMania)

UFC President Dana White was recently accosted by fame parasites outside of Agency nightclub in Hollywood, and was drunk kind enough to grant a brief interview. Here’s what we learned

- Tiki Ghosn is everywhere, man. Everywhere.

- Brock Lesnar is free to go back to the WE. Or the WWE, if that’s what it’s called.

- When Dana White is drunk, it kind of affects his hearing. But to answer your question, Jon Jones might be the baddest dude on earth.

- DW doesn’t do New Year’s resolutions, although he does have some advice for the kids: “Don’t get drunk. Don’t drink Red Bull. Don’t stay out too late. Don’t do stupid interviews when you’re drinkin’. That should be your nous’re…yeah, you know what I’m sayin’.”

After the jump, another PopCandies video from earlier the same night, in which a relatively sober Dana gets props from a classy older woman, reminds everybody that Fedor sucks, and denies that his bodyguard is his bodyguard.

(The Interweb never lies.)

Ariel Helwani caught up with Dana White ahead of tonight’s UFC 141 event and he asked the UFC president where about the growing opinion that Jon Fitch is being overlooked in the UFC welterweight title picture. According to White, who says he’s in the mix, regardless of Fitch’s current streak and the fact that he only has one loss and one draw in his past 20 fights, unless he makes some drastic changes to his game, he likely won’t main event on a pay-per-view let alone fight for the welterweight strap any time soon.

“You hear the same thing from everybody about Jon Fitch: ‘If I want to get to sleep and I can’t get to sleep at night, I’ll put in a Jon Fitch fight.’ Whatever you think, Jon Fitch is one of the best 170-pounders in the world. And yes, he’s in the hunt for a title again, but everybody… find one person that will tell you they love a Jon Fitch fight, it’s the most exciting thing they’ve ever seen and they just get so excited for it. So when you say that you have a fight like Cerrone and Diaz on the card and a guy with a record like his is on and people aren’t jumping out of their seats for that fight, I think Jon needs to have a little bit of a… he’s got to be a little honest with himself and have a little bit of a reality check when he talks about stuff like [fighters talking their way into title fights.”

Via ArielHelwani:

“Dana says Torres is back. Torres has donated money to local rape centers, visited them. Dana says Torres was very remorseful…Dana says Torres handled his business like a man and no one told him to do it. Torres very emotional.”

In the latest example of Dana White releasing fighters in a fit of anger before changing his mind (see also: Jon Fitch, Karo Parisyan), the UFC president confirmed at today’s “Lesnar vs. Overeem” press conference that Miguel Torres‘s tweet-related firing was more like a three-week suspension. Torres apparently did enough to get back in White’s good graces after his rape-joke-gone-awry, and can now return to his rightful place in the UFC bantamweight division.

We’re glad this story got a happy ending. Now can Gerald Harris and Natasha Wicks get some love or what?

(Why does Keith have to be such a mean old Grinch? Pic props Getty Images)

Dana White put out a short and sweet edition of his UFC 141 video blogs today so he could explain the UFC’s decision to award Duane Ludwig with the fastest KO in UFC history.

Previously, Todd Duffee held the distinction for his :07 routing of Tim Hague at UFC 102 back in 2009 and it was believed that Chan-Sung Jung mirrored The Duffman’s time earlier this month when he knocked out Mark Hominick at UFC 140.

On closer inspection it seems that neither fighter really holds the record as it really belongs to Ludwig, whose 2006 knockout over Jonathan Goulet at UFN 3 was previously in the books at :11.

(The fact that Duane didn’t ass-punch Goulet at full strength proves what a classy guy he is.)

I’m sure you know the story by now: In January 2006, Duane “Bang” Ludwig met Jonathan Goulet at UFC Fight Night 3 and first-punch KO’d him in just four seconds. But due to a timekeeper’s error, the stoppage time was officially recorded as 11 seconds. It didn’t really bother Ludwig until he saw all the media attention that Todd Duffee got for knocking out Tim Hague in a “record breaking” seven seconds. This was clearly some bullshit.

But after several months spent petitioning the Internet, the Nevada State Athletic Commission, and the UFC, Ludwig has been vindicated, in the form of a tweet sent out by UFC president Dana White on Christmas Eve:

“@DUANEBANGCOM @ufc and for x mas you have the fastest KO in UFC history and it will be changed ASAP”

And now, here’s the NSAC’s Keith Kizer to play the Grinch/Scrooge role in this holiday miracle…

#10: Not everybody was prepared for the intensity of the UFC on FOX promo trailer.

Damn we love us a good GIF. 2011 provided us with dozens of memorable ones, but these ten stood out a little more than the rest. If we’ve left out one of your favorites, shoot us a link in the comments section. Props to ZombieProphet, Gordo on the UG, and everybody else who spends time making these things.

#9: Honey badger don’t care.

(Looks like it’s been a fruitful year at UFC HQ.)

With Christmas almost here and with *some* remaining contacts at Zuffa who like us, we were able to snag a few photos using x-ray technology of what gifts a few UFC employees are getting this year. It’s amazing what apps you can get for your iPhone these days.

Anyway, at least we know that the recipients will be able to use these thoughtful token gifts.

Check the gallery out after the jump.

(Nog with his new bionic arm.)

Two days after UFC president Dana White was shaking his head during the UFC 141 conference call wondering aloud what ever possessed Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira to opt to try to choke out a rocked Frank Mir rather than finish him up on the ground with punches during their UFC 140 bout a week and a half ago, and “Big Nog” has offered an explanation. According to the former PRIDE star and one-time interim UFC light heavyweight champion, referee Herb Dean made him switch gears when he told him his punches were illegal.

Alistair Overeem has met the first of three required stipulations of his conditional licensing in Nevada today as he passed his pre-fight urine test administered a few weeks ago in Holland.

UFC president Dana White tweeted the news today.

(“St-Pierre it is, then.”)

Dana White spoke with Brazilian website Alpha recently, and according to the UFC president, in spite of middleweight Anderson Silva’s recent re-assertion that he isn’t interested in a fight with light heavyweight champ Jon Jones, the fight may happen before “The Spider” calls it a career.

“He’s probably the greatest fighter in history. He hasn’t lost and has been champion since 2006. I think he has two more title defenses and I do not know what he’ll do next or if he will retire,” he said. “He could end his career with a super fight against Jon Jones or George St-Pierre. He could end his career like that — fight in a different weight class. I would be happy with that. Then he could take a boat and sail into the sunset.”

Although he doesn’t think Jones’ youth would play a major factor in the fight, “The Baldfather” says Father Time and his effect on fighting skills is one of the leading causes of retirement in the sport, even amongst the sport’s best.

(You know what? I still think Chad Griggs could have whipped all your asses.)

Strikeforce put out a press release today announcing their contract renewal with premium cable channel Showtime, which officially begins with the Rockhold vs. Jardine event on January 7th. Under the terms of the new agreement, Showtime will produce and televise up to eight live events, and will also begin broadcasting undercard fights on Showtime Extreme.

Said Dana White: “We’re excited about this renewal with Showtime and I expect to put on some big Strikeforce events next year. I never thought I would say this, but I am very much looking forward to building Strikeforce and working very closely with Showtime.”

According to the press release, the winner of the World Grand Prix Heavyweight Tournament (either Josh Barnett or Daniel Cormier) will compete again on Showtime under the Strikeforce banner in the months to follow. But after that, the reign of big men in Strikeforce will be history.

(Video courtesy of YouTube/notlookoutawhale)

If you aren’t familiar with the work of lookoutawhale and Chaplin’s House, do yourself a favor and spend some time getting to know them before you enjoy their latest collaborative masterpiece, “The UFC Bunch,” featuring Dana White, Frank and Lorenzo Fertitta, Bruce Buffer, Joe Rogan, Chuck Liddell and Joe Silva.

Check out more from the dynamic duo after the jump.

(“I appreciate the recognition, but really, this award belongs to CagePotato. Get up here, guys.”)

By Jason Moles

This time last year, I gave you a list of predictions that really created a stir. I boasted that the UFC would host an event in Mexico and be legalized in New York. Man, was I ever wrong about that. I apologize. But I also said that Dana White would coin a new phrase, land a network TV deal and that a famous athlete would cross over into the world of mixed martial arts. Not bad, eh? 2012 is quickly approaching so get the champagne on ice and let’s get to those wild predictions…

1. FOX will reprimand Dana White for his inevitable off-handed comments.

“Faggot“, “f*cking retarded”, “dumb bitch” — these are all things that have been uttered by the president of the Ultimate Fighting Championship, Dana White. The UFC may be MMA’s pinnacle and FOX’s diamond in the rough, but if the promotion is ever to secure a spot in the mainstream, it needs to display more control over its mouthpiece and his tongue. Advertisers tend to frown upon such public displays of hostility and bigotry. When Uncle Dana slips again and gives someone an earful, you can be certain that it won’t go unpunished as it has in the past. This goes for you too, Rogan and Rashad.

2. A champion will test positive for a banned substance.

(Torres following his unanimous decision loss to social media. / Photo via ESPN)

Update: Torres has released a statement about his release. Check it out at the bottom of this post.

Miguel Torres — former undisputed WEC bantamweight champion and die-hard fan of rape jokes — has been released by the UFC. Dana White confirmed the firing yesterday evening, telling SI.com, “his career with us now is over.”

The reason for Torres’s release was a tweet that reportedly read, “If a rape van was called a surprise van, more women wouldn’t mind going for rides in them. Everyone likes surprises.” Torres later removed the tweet and replaced it with an edited version. White was informed of the tweet second-hand by Michael Landsberg and made the decision to fire Torres shortly after.

So why is Torres being made an example of, when Forrest Griffin and Rashad Evans made similar off-color statements recently? Basically, it’s because he didn’t have a good enough explanation.

(A PSP, a Marmaduke book, and fistful of dollars… Man, this cat really knows how to get down!)

By Jason Moles

While our wives and girlfriends are busy maxing out our credit cards in hopes of finding the perfect gift for everyone she knows, we should be reminded that money can’t buy everything — especially in the world of mixed martial arts. Follow us after the jump to discover the irony of the MMA Black Friday. I promise it will be better than the turkey sandwich and leftover pumpkin pie you’ll have for lunch.

1.) Resurrection

In June, Cheick Kongo did what no man has done since the Messiah some 2,000+ years ago — he defeated death. Alright, so maybe I’ve had a few too many turkey day cocktails and that’s not exactly how it went down, but you get the jist. Kongo was knocked unconscious not once but twice in his fight against fellow heavyweight Pat Barry and he still managed to win the fight! By KO nonetheless. No amount of Earthly money could ever buy a second (or third) chance to live again. If it were that easy, Steve Jobs would’ve made certain you increase your credit limit.

(#16: Whatever the hell this is.)

By Brian Lopez-Benchimol

There’s no denying the effect that UFC President Dana White has had on the world of mixed martial arts. Though it was no singlehanded effort, White has overseen the organization’s rise thanks to the strength of his fighters and partners in Frank and Lorenzo Fertitta.

However, looking back at his historic career, there are some confusing and questionable details that remain as stains in his otherwise successful tenure as President.

From verbal gaffes to questionable signings and regrettable firings, BleacherReport.com/MMA has the list right here. If you think they missed any, let us know in the comments section…