(Dana White’s “I’m not the president of a massive company” pose, typically used by presidents of massive companies. / Photo via Getty.)

A few years ago, Matt Brown’s recent, sexist comments about women’s MMA wouldn’t have rocked the boat much. Some people would’ve complained, citing such infractions of decency as the reason why the UFC wasn’t where the NFL was in terms of mainstream appeal. Dana White would’ve simply responded “Fuck you, dummy” or some other dismissive, useless remark. The UFC is cool, and it’s cool because the fighters aren’t corporate, generic, and anodyne. They’re as real as it gets, as opposed to the walking-press releases that are athletes in other major sports.

For proof, look no further than motorboat-gate. Rampage Jackson acted lecherously towards a female reporter (and this wasn’t the first time he’d done such a thing). Nothing happened. When Yahoo’s Maggie Hendricks lambasted Rampage and the MMA media, Joe Rogan called her “cunty” and MMA fans thought it was the cleverest comeback since Lord Palmerston verbally thrashed his enemies in parliament.

CagePotato’s own Ben Goldstein got to the crux of the issue:

Nine out of ten UFC fans will side with Quinton Jackson and Joe Rogan every time, because Rampage and Joe are awesome, and motorboating is hilarious, and who the fuck is Maggie Hendricks anyway? Seriously, here’s another representative comment from the UG thread from member ‘Bat21?:

“shitty cunty?!?!? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!
Fuck, I’m still laughing after 5 minutes. You’re the man, Joe.”

Jesus. If this is the mindset of the average UFC fan, then good luck being taken seriously, guys.

A high-profile commentator for the NFL or NBA couldn’t get away with throwing around slurs like this in public forums. I know that the fast-and-loose quality of the UFC’s frontmen and fighters has been part of the brand’s great success to this point. But there will come a time (we hope) when MMA is so popular that guys like Rampage and Rogan will have to behave like gentlemen — so they may as well start practicing for it now.

Has this time finally come? Do UFC employees finally have to behave, as Ben Goldstein put it, like gentlemen?

(Does this look like the face of guy who would duck a fight? / Photo via Getty.)

Remember when the UFC showed they could still book great matches when they paired off Khabib Nurmagomedov and Gilbert Melendez? And remember how they canceled that fight for no reason?

The UFC apparently had other plans for Nurmagomedov—the kind that involved a fight against Nate Diaz. According to Dana White, Diaz wanted none of it.

@EDLEZGIN @TeamKhabib Nate turned the fight down

— Dana White (@danawhite) January 11, 2014

Needless to say, Diaz wasn’t happy with White’s words. He rushed to twitter to protect his Stockton street-cred.

@danawhite @ufc are full of shit I didn’t turn down anything …

— Nathan Diaz (@NateDiaz209) January 12, 2014

We all probably think our bosses are full of shit to some extent, but saying it in public isn’t the smartest idea.

(2014: The year that Dana White buys this dog. For Bjorn Rebney. Too soon?)

When former CagePotato.com contributor Jason Moles announced his retirement in 2013, it appeared that there wouldn’t be a “Crazy Enough to be True” predictions column for 2014. Rather than let the opportunity to make outlandish assumptions about the state of our favorite sport pass us up, we’ve decided to offer our wildest ideas in the form of a CagePotato Roundtable. Read on for our picks, share yours in the comments section, and please continue to send your ideas for future CagePotato Roundtable topics to tips@cagepotato.com.

Ben Goldstein

(Mariusz Pudzianowski defends his UFC Poland Super-Heavyweight Title against honorary polack Bob Sapp. / Photo via Sherdog)

Though the UFC once laid claim to the title of fastest-growing sport, the promotion has begun to hit its ceiling in the United States. And they know it — which is why they’ve been pushing so hard for World Fucking Domination lately. After finding major success in international markets like Canada and Brazil, the UFC has been busy laying the groundwork in overseas locales as far-flung as Singapore, India, Turkey, and Poland.

The problem is, none of these upcoming markets have the talent pool available to produce a world champion in the foreseeable future. Or a top contender. Or a fighter who could credibly compete anywhere on a pay-per-view main card. That’s why I’m predicting that 2014 will see the unveiling of individual UFC titles for countries/continents. I mean, Vitor Belfort is already the middleweight champion of Brazil, right? They might as well give him a belt and make it official.

(HELL YES I’D LIKE SECONDS. Photo via Getty.)

You gotta love us MMA media types. All we need is a snippet of not news to throw our spin on and suddenly, the internet is afire with ridiculous rumors based on the smallest semblance of evidence. Take the current “reports” of a potential Brock Lesnar return to the UFC. When asked about the possibility of seeing Lesnar (who will be in attendance at UFC 168) making a triumphant octagon return at the UFC 168 scrum, here was DW’s *verbatim* response:

I honestly don’t know. Honestly. I don’t know.

That’s it. Yet what headline is dominating every MMA website out there? Oh, something along the lines of “Is Brock Lesnar returning to the UFC?”, citing the exact quote I just provided you with. Well allow me to answer the question on (apparently) everyone’s mind for you: No, dumb-dumb, Brock Lesnar is NOT coming back to the UFC. Here’s why:

(And when Cella was just lying there all comatose while everyone was fearing for his life? FUCKING. AWESOME.)

As MMA fans, it’s safe to say that we can appreciate a good knockout when we see one. The timing, the precision, the simultaneous grace and utter devastation — these are all factors we take into account when, say, deciding the greatest knockout of the year. But as we are continuously reminded in the aftermath of knockouts like the spinning back kick Uriah Hall hit Adam Cella with on TUF 17, the line between a brilliant knockout and a hard-to-watch knockout is a thin one. As amazing as these displays of technique are to witness, they can often leave a sour taste in one’s mouth when the victim appears to be seriously injured as a result.

So perhaps we’re in the minority here, but when Dana White recently attempted to hype the 19th season of TUF by promising fans “a f*cking scary knockout,” we were less than enthused (okay, sarcastically enthused) to say the least (via Fox Sports):

We had the fights to get into the house yesterday on The Ultimate Fighter, probably the nastiest f-king knockout.  It beats Uriah Hall knockout. Was Uriah Hall not one of the sickest knockouts you’ve ever seen?  This one beats it.  Picture how f-king scary this knockout is.

On one hand, this could just be another instance of White attempting to stir up some buzz for a season of TUF that he knows no one is interested in. On the other, should we even be excited by this news?

(Joe Rogan is intrigued by our Tumblr. / Screencap via @3amMMA)

The CagePotato tumblr has surpassed over 650 followers! We figured it has been a while since we shared some of our Tumblr highlights with the vast majority of the Potato Nation, so that’s why we’re making this post. We’ve got some interesting stuff to share with you guys—and it’s all SFW (though there are no Al Bundy GIFs, sorry):

-This is an oldie but a goody: Someone once made an MMA-tabloid complete with ridiculous stories like Ariel Helwani having a lovechild with Arianny Celeste. Funny stuff.

-For some reason, the UFC tried to photoshop Anderson Silva‘s shorts and it looks like shit. Really, it looks like a 5th grader was screwing around with MS paint.

-Tristar hinted at a GSP return. Hmm.

-An awesome traditional martial arts fail—a different one than we posted earlier today.

-Cain Velasquez, Ryan Bader, CB Dolloway, and Aaron Simpson as young ASU wrestlers.

-Your worst nightmare.

-Eddie Alvarez doing parenting right.

-A titanic, earth-shaking sumo body slam.

-Armani is trying to get involved in the MMA game with a shitty, generic sweatshirt. I’d rather wear affliction…

-Remember Ronda Rousey‘s awkward spot on FOX NFL a few weeks ago? The one that had families asking more questions about her wardrobe than about the fight? So do we.

Check out a sick wrestling takedown, Jackie Chan in drag, and more after the jump.

(Woodley might not be in the top ten, but he was definitely the people’s champion that night. / Photo via Getty)

Ever since Johny Hendricks vs. Robbie Lawler was booked as the first welterweight title fight in the post-Georges era, the UFC has been trying to find a high-profile dance partner for Carlos Condit on the UFC 171 card (March 15th, Dallas). As UFC president Dana White has recently explained, it wouldn’t be Matt Brown because Brown’s health is uncertain, it wouldn’t be Nick Diaz because Diaz turned the match down, and it wouldn’t be Tyron Woodley because T-Wood hasn’t cracked the top ten according to the UFC’s totally irrelevant rankings.

But earlier today, the UFC found an opponent for Condit, and it’s…Tyron Woodley? Huh. We’re not saying that the guy doesn’t deserve the opportunity, considering that he just beat the brakes off of Josh Koscheck and everybody else in the division is either booked or injured. Maybe now we can stop pretending that the UFC’s official rankings mean jack-shit, since they always seem to fly out the window as soon as it’s time to find a warm body. (Though I’ll bet you a nickel Woodley magically appears in the top ten the next time the rankings are updated. Seriously. Just watch.)

According to Dana White, Woodley texted him “15 times a day” when Matt Brown pulled out of his scheduled UFC on FOX 9 match against Condit, but of course, DW digs fighters who step up. “There are guys like (Woodley) that are out there,” White said. “Those are the guys I want to deal with. Those are the guys I want to hear from. I love Tyron Woodley. I love it.”

As MMAJunkie reports, the winner of Condit vs. Woodley is likely to get the winner of Hendricks vs. Lawler, which means that theoretically, MMA dinosaur Robbie Lawler could be defending his UFC welterweight title against currently-”unranked” Tyron Woodley sometime next summer. What a country.

(Photo via Getty)

During the GSP-retirishment™ conference call on Friday, UFC president Dana White mentioned that he was working on getting welterweight contender Carlos Condit a big fight for the UFC 171: Hendricks vs. Lawler supporting card. As it turns out, White intended to book a rematch between Condit and currently-inactive star Nick Diaz — but Diaz turned it down.

According to an MMAJunkie report, White offered Diaz the fight in person at UFC on FOX 9, Saturday night in Sacramento. Diaz declined, saying he might return to competition in the spring, but only for a title fight.

“He doesn’t want the fight,” White told reporters following UFC on FOX 9. “I thought he wanted the rematch…but he’s not interested. He said maybe he’d be interested in coming back in May…He said, ‘I’ll fight the winner of Hendricks and Lawler.’ I said, ‘You’re ranked No. 10. It kind of doesn’t work that way.’”

“I’ve got to go back to the drawing board,” White continued. “Condit accepted the fight immediately, but I didn’t get it done (with Diaz)…Obviously the Diaz brothers are very unique individuals. You don’t pressure a guy who’s not interested in fighting. In this business, you’ve got to have the fire or you shouldn’t do it.”

(New theory: GSP will announce that he’s stepping away from MMA to take over the role of Sportacus on LazyTown. / Photo via MMAWeekly)

In case you forgot, today is the day that UFC welterweight champion Georges St-Pierre will head to a mall in Quebec City and either announce his retirement from the sport or cut the ribbon on a Canadian Orange Julius. Though we were quick to speculate about the major news that could potentially result from this appearance, UFC president Dana White immediately doused the rumors, saying that St-Pierre’s “press conference” was nothing more than a promotional appearance at a mall.

White’s denial was based in solid, boring logic. It’s hard to imagine St-Pierre making a career-changing announcement without the UFC’s advance knowledge, and the champ could just be showing up to shake hands, kiss babies, and plug his new movie. But then, Dana actually spoke to GSP yesterday, and shit — as they say — got real. It was suddenly announced last night that the UFC would be holding a “special media conference call” with White and St-Pierre today, beginning at 2:20 p.m. ET. No other details were released, although White told Ariel Helwani that the call will be about “stuff that people want to hear.”

So that’s that, for now. Stay tuned to CagePotato this afternoon, and we’ll let you know what happens, as soon as it happens.

Update: “According to a report from the French-language arm of Canadian sports station TSN, UFC welterweight champion Georges St-Pierre will announce later today that he is taking an indefinite leave from MMA and will relinquish his title.” Holy crud.

(Just keep repeating to yourself, “Nobody’s making me watch this…nobody’s making me watch this…nobody’s making me watch this…”)

By Matt Saccaro

The UFC has come under fire lately for several reasons: Declining numbers, oversaturation, the fading of their stars, launching a digital network with a questionable premise, not hiring Ben Askren and so on. When we fling insults at the UFC, we need to remember a few things about the company in order to put these negative occurrences and circumstances into perspective. Let’s start with the most obvious but frequently-ignored point:

1. The UFC is a business.

The purpose of the UFC is to make its owners money. The UFC does not exist to feed fighters’ families. There’s not much else to say on this front. Companies have to make money to be viable. Yeah, it sucks that some guys get paid an absurdly small amount of money for what they do, and it sucks that the UFC is upping the PPV price.

That’s just something we have to deal with though. If you don’t like it, vote with your dollar. If enough people tune out, Zuffa’s wallet will know and they’ll either change their tune accordingly or lose money.

2. The UFC is an international company.

There’s been talk about the UFC hiring unfit-for-television jobbers lately. It’s true but necessary. The UFC is headed to distant lands where MMA is in its most nascent stages. The talent pool in these places is more like a mud puddle. The UFC has to work with what it’s given in China and Singapore. Deepening foreign talent pools can only happen by growing the sport overseas, and growing the sport overseas can only happen when they have foreign (foreign to us, home grown to them) fighters on the card. And since there aren’t many great foreign fighters, the UFC has to scrape the bottom of a very empty barrel. This results in fighters getting a place in the “Super Bowl of MMA” who shouldn’t even be in the bleachers, let alone on the field.