(A glimpse into the nightmare that awaits Stefan Struve if he doesn’t start choosing his battles.) 

If I could spend a day inside the head of any UFC fighter – Being John Malkovich style — I would obviously choose Donald Cerrone, who is currently sticking it to Brittney Palmer if I remember correctly. High fives all around, guys! But on the off chance I could crawl inside the head of a second UFC fighter, I would have to go with Cheick Kongo, because based on recent events, I can only assume that his brain functions exactly like one of those twisty-turvey waterslides at your local amusement park.

In the past few days, Kongo has turned down a fight with Daniel Cormier, which is understandable, and turned down a fight with Roy Nelson, which is not so understandable for a guy who is coming off one of the most atrocious winning performances in UFC history. But after turning down the Nelson fight, Kongo sent out this tweet, which challenges the phrase “splitting hairs” on a level my brain has yet to fully comprehend:

I did NOT REFUSE to FIGHT Roy Nelson. I REFUSED to TAKE A FIGHT on SHORT NOTICE. Which is NOT THE SAME AT ALL.

Fine, Cheick, if that helps you sleep at night. I hate to judge a book by it’s cover, but if you were to tell me anywhere else that a man with pectorals the size of dinner plates refused to fight this dude on a month’s notice, I would probably call him a pussy. I said probably.

(We could have found a more pertinent photo but are you really going to complain?)

Amidst all the UFC 154 talk and Anderson Silva vs. GSP superfight speculation, UFC President Dana White took some time to discuss the UFC’s newest superstar, Ronda Rousey. The good news is that White says Ronda is now officially the UFC’s first female world champion, at 135 pounds.

Just as when the UFC absorbed WEC fighters after dissolving the organization and champions from divisions that previously had not existed in the UFC  automatically became champs in their new homes, Ronda’s Strikeforce belt will be turned into a brand spanking new one. This is what happened with Dominick Cruz and Jose Aldo and now Rousey makes more history as the first ever female UFC champ.

The bad news, according to MMA Junkie that has the story from Montreal, is that right now White only has plans to have one female weight division – Ronda’s 135 pound one. Is anyone even thinking of poor, suspended and stripped former champion Cristiane “Cyborg” Santos?

The former Strikeforce 145 pound champ recently announced that her crack team of doctors said it would be utterly impossible for her to safely move down a weight class. Surely they considered the possibility of Santos cycling her steroid usage differently in order to become slightly less muscle-bound and, thus, lighter in coming up with their opinions.

In any case, White doesn’t seem to be buying Santos’ public stance that, A. she does want to fight Rousey and B. that there is no way she could safely drop ten pounds. White only has plans for a 135 pound female division and if ‘Cyborg’ wants in the UFC she’ll have to drop down to there.

“We’re bringing in the 135-pound division,” White said. “I’m trying this whole women’s thing out. Obviously, Ronda is the champ. I think Ronda has the potential to be a big star. She’s already getting media that we’ve never even gotten before, and she’s never even set foot in the UFC yet. That’s the division that we’re bringing in. We’re bringing in the 135-pound division.”

Uncle Dana also clearly thinks that the mean lady who took Gina Carano away from us is scared of Rousey, homie. “Our matchmakers have talked to their camp, and she doesn’t seem too excited to fight Ronda,” White said.

After every UFC event, there is a press conference where some of the main fighters are brought out to field questions from the media in attendance. While over the course of a presser you are bound to get many of the same questions repeated in slightly different ways by media members, they are always still interesting to watch if only because of the unique moment and that there are usually at least a few insightful comments given.

For example, in last night’s UFC 154 post presser we hear from and see a bruised, cut and battered Georges St. Pierre talk about how he feels just a few minutes after a successful long-awaited return bout that he once feared would never happen. We also see his beaten opponent, Carlos Condit, still eloquent though despondent after coming so close to realizing his professional dream only to have it violently taken from him by the returning champion.

Above we bring you just about the full presser from last night (it cuts out after about two minutes. When it does, go ahead and fast forward to about the 7:30 mark and it picks back up). Dana White and a few other fighters are also in attendance.

GSP discusses not finishing fights, ring rust, Anderson Silva and Johny Hendricks. Condit says how close he feels he was to beating St. Pierre in the third round and about making another title run in the future.

For those that like their information less complete and quicker, check out an additional video with highlights of St. Pierre and Condit’s comments after the jump.

MMA Fighting interviewed Dana White yesterday and BLAF, per usual, had lots to talk about. Check out the video above for the full interview.

Dana White says that the UFC isn’t looking past Carlos Condit even though, you know, if St. Pierre wins tonight at UFC 154 he will definitely fight Anderson Silva and Dana has a month in mind and three possible locations for the fight to happen (May, in either Toronto, Brazil or Dallas). If Condit wins, however, he’ll take on the winner of Martin Kampmann vs. Johny Hendricks.

The UFC President also describes what he says is St. Pierre’s extra nervousness and irritability this week. For example, White says St. Pierre is refusing to touch people for fear of getting sick. Interesting.

Speaking of sick, White talks about being sick and tired of guys like Dan Henderson pulling out of fights and complaining about Chael Sonnen getting title shots. Oh yeah, Dana says that Cyborg is ducking Ronda Rousey. Its a good view and listen, so check out the full video to help you wait for UFC 154 tonight.

- Elias Cepeda

(Props: Ronda Rousey’s Facebook page)

Confirming earlier reports that Ronda Rousey had become the first woman to be signed by the UFC, Dana White went on the Jim Rome Show today to make an official announcement:

“Yes, it’s official. Ronda Rousey did sign with the UFC…Over the next two years, we’ve got really good opponents for her.”

White also brought up the hottie/murderer dichotomy that makes her so oddly compelling to him:

“She’s beautiful,” White said. “But deep down inside, she’s a killer.”

Rousey also let the cat out of the bag on Twitter, writing: “Okay I admit it…I’m officially a @ufc fighter SO excited! Can’t wait to debut! Let @danawhite know who you want my 1st opponent to be!”

Well…about that. It’s probably not going to be Cris Cyborg, and the only other woman who has reportedly been signed by the UFC is Miesha Tate — and I don’t see an immediate rematch of that massacre in anybody’s future. So who else is there? Want to give us any hints about these “really good opponents,” Dana? Sara McMann…where you at, girl?

By Nathan Smith

At the conclusion of the UFC 154 main event, I fully anticipate Bruce Buffer to get on the microphone and begin his enthusiastic spiel:

“At the end of five rounds we have a unanimous decision. All three judges score the bout 50-45 for your winner and the undisputed UFC welterweight champion of the woooooorld – Georges “RUSH” St. Pieeeeeeeerre!”

The Canadian crowd will erupt; Molson will be sprayed about and empty Poutine containers will be trampled as the joyous celebration begins. Dana White will put the championship belt around GSP’s waist and then Joe Rogan will approach for the post fight interview. It is at this point that Bizzaro Georges will snatch the microphone out of Rogan’s hand and jump into a tirade while speaking in his native French language. The only two words we will understand during his entire outburst will be “Anderson” and “Silva” as he walks to the edge of the octagon and points directly at The Spider, who will be mocking him all the while from cageside.

(Oh for God’s sake, Scott. You can put those things down now.)

By Doug “ReX13″ Richardson

While there’s been no official confirmation — yet — the story goes that Strikeforce has one more show scheduled in January, after which Zuffa will shutter the whole operation and add another head in Dana White‘s trophy case. Presumably, the Baldfather has a triple-locked basement room where he goes to sip single-barrel bourbon and contemplate the zombified heads of his former competitors, a quiet time that allows him to reflect on his successes and find some measure of inner peace. You’d think doing the backstroke through piles of money a la Scrooge McDuck would be enough for that, but you’re just a stupid pleb without two nickels to rub together, so what the fuck do you know?

Anywho, while some would say that Strikeforce has hung around long past its expiration date, I’m here to tell you that turning off the lights and canceling Scott Coker’s credit line is just the latest of Zuffa’s missteps when dealing with Strikeforce. Dana White bought a goose that laid golden eggs, killed it to get the magic gold-producing gland, taxidermied the corpse when that didn’t work, stuck his dick in the lukewarm cadaver because Ronda Rousey, and is now looking to decorate his mantle with blood-stained goose down because what are you going to do, this stupid goose is broken.

Brand Recognition

First of all, it bears repeating that Strikeforce pre-dates the UFC (not just Zuffa) by eight years. Strikeforce was putting on kickboxing shows when Dana White was still using GLH after his boxercise classes. This is a brand that’s been established for two decades, and fans, athletes, managers, and athletic commissions knew the brand. Now, the long-acknowledged #2 name in combat sports (at least in North America) is being thrown to the scrap heap because Zuffa was unable or unwilling to use it properly. Silver lining: maybe your Strikeforce merch will be collector’s items?

(…and don’t even get me started on that damned Bubonic plague business.) 

We’ve talked a lot about marijuana in MMA around here lately, mainly as a result of the recent statements made by UFC VP of regulatory affairs Marc Ratner, who declared that Dave Herman might be forced to undergo a rehabilitation program following his second positive test for cannabis in just four fights at UFC 153. Simply put, Ratner’s belief (although he didn’t state it outright) that marijuana was a bigger concern to the various athletic commission governing the sport than that of PED’s, is a load of horseshit. Pure, unadulterated, horseshit.

Enter boxing promoter Bob Arum, a dusty old geezer with an intellect rivaled only by garden tools who feels that the sport of MMA is rampant with homosexual skinheads that couldn’t throw a punch to save their life. He’s not exactly phone-a-friend material if you catch our drift. But when it was revealed that Julio Cesar Chavez Jr. had tested positive for marijuana following his unanimous decision loss to Sergio Martinez on September 15th, fans and members of the media alike were anxious to see how Arum would react to it.

Simply put, his response would have made Dana White proud.

Basics of negotiation dictate that one starts with a high asking price. UFC middleweight champion Anderson Silva doesn’t need to be told that twice.

Fans want Silva to fight light heavyweight king Jon Jones, but neither he nor Jones really seem all that interested in tainting their legacies testing themselves against one another. Well, sorta, but not really. Nonetheless, UFC Prez Dana White has confidently declared on several occasions that he has the cashflow to change their minds completely.

“I think the Jon Jones fight is a big fight. I know my man says ‘No, no, no,’” White told reporters at the UFC 153 post-fight press conference, “but the amount of money that would be offered for that fight, I guarantee you I will make Anderson Silva say, ‘Yes, yes, yes.’”

“O RLY?”, Silva recently replied in an interview with Brazil’s Tatame Magazine, stating that his price tag to fight Jon Jones is a completely reasonable 50% of the UFC’s net worth. “Let’s ask him to see if [White] will give me 50% of the UFC,” Silva told Tatame.

White has publicly estimated that the UFC is worth $2.5 billion. Half of that is…well, we’re writers not mathematicians but we’re betting its a lot of money.

(Let’s just say that their Chat Roulette session with fans quickly took a turn for the worse.)

When it was first announced that Jon Jones would be coaching the next season of The Ultimate Fighter opposite Chael Sonnen, then beating him into dust defending his light heavyweight strap against him at the season’s end, the general public reaction seemed to be that of bewilderment. Even those who were quick to defend the pairing didn’t have the cojones to claim that Sonnen had earned a title shot (because how could you), but rather that he stepped up when no one else would and it would make for great television so we should just all STFU. We have officially entered the Rollerball phase of the UFC, people. And although Sonnen made sure to break out the WWE trash-talk in the days following the announcement, if you are expecting all-out verbal warfare on next season’s TUF, you might want to start preparing yourself for disappointment.

Last night, Dana White, Jones, and Sonnen sat down for a 40 minute video chat with fans to answer questions about ranging from the upcoming season of the reality show to what Dana White thinks of Fedor, which was apparently asked by a fan who had been living underground for the past 3 years. After Dana was done berating anyone who had the gall to ask him anything other than how he would describe his perfect Sunday, he called in an uncharacteristically laid back and terrorist beard-free Jones, who was immediately asked how he viewed Sonnen now that the show had begun shooting. His response was surprising to say the least.

Full story and video after the jump. 

(For the girl in the Spiderman costume, what happened later that night was the most humiliating experience of her life. For Jon Lovitz, it was just another champagne orgy. Photo via VegasNews)

UFC president Dana White — who, as we are legally obligated to tell you, has never bet on a UFC fight in his life, other than that friendly $100 cash wager he made on Manny Gamburyan vs. Thiago Tavares — has cut ties with The Palms Casino Resort in Las Vegas, a longtime host-venue of TUF Finale events. In true Godfather style, it’s over an insult, related to his immense, well-documented love of gambling (which again, he’s never done on a UFC fight, except for that one time in January 2009).

Here’s the scoop, from swashbuckling shit-stirrer Norm Clarke of the Las Vegas Review Journal:

A falling-out with UFC president Dana White is the latest setback for the hard-hit Palms, sources confirmed Sunday.

The blowup occurred about six months ago when White, furious that his credit line was cut in half, pulled all UFC-related events from the Palms and has not returned…

(Let’s just say that Cristiane has a way of “convincing” men to do what she wants. We won’t give away the secret, but it involves a garden hose, a tub of creamed corn, a circus midget, and a LOT of tears.) 

What a difference one year (and a smokin’ hot champion) can make.

Over the past few months, we’ve seen UFC President Dana White pull a 180 on such topics as TRT, fights that “make sense,” and most importantly, women’s MMA. Where less than a year ago, Dana could be quoted as saying that we would “never” see women in the UFC – unless they were informing us what round it is, of course — nowadays, his attitude seems to have shifted in the opposite direction. This could partially be due to the success of such smaller promotions as InvictaFC, but is more a result of Dana’s budding fascination with Ronda Rousey, who he has referred to as “unique,” “a Diaz brother,” and “a f*cking dude trapped in this beautiful body.” We’re not sure how he would consider the second quality to be all that endearing, but needless to say, The Baldfather recently informed Sports Illustrated that WMMA is on its way to the UFC:

It’s absolutely going to happen.

[It] could happen tomorrow, it could happen a year from now.

We’ve just heard word that Scott Coker has hung himself.

(Full audio from the call, via MMAFightingonSBN)

TUF 17 coaches Jon Jones and Chael Sonnen, along with UFC president Dana White and FX exec Chuck Saftler, hosted a media conference call yesterday in which they promoted the upcoming season and fielded questions from baffled reporters. It was a lively affair, marked by an unusually aggressive Jon Jones — Chael tends to bring that out of people — and some interesting revelations about the future of The Ultimate Fighter. Here are some highlights…

FX is moving TUF off Friday nights, and preparing for a war with Spike: “The show is going to move off of Friday nights,” Saftler said. “I can’t confirm the day right now, but it’s definitely moving off of Friday, it’s definitely moving to a weekday. There will be an announcement on that somewhere in the next 30 to 45 days. But I will say that Spike should watch their ass. Spike clearly has been dogging us for most of this year…by trying to create viewer confusion and scheduling old episodes against ‘The Ultimate Fighter’ and trying to pass them off as new content. They’ll be off of the UFC game effective in January. They’re going to try to launch a new product, there’s going to try to launch their own reality show that competes with ‘The Ultimate Fighter’ or does a very similar thing with their Bellator product. We watched how they behaved, and we’re well aware of their behavior and how they’ve acted competitively…I’m not ready to commit to (scheduling TUF directly against the Bellator show on Spike), but we’re certainly going to be watching how they schedule, what they schedule and where they schedule.”

Jones vs. Sonnen “made sense,” according to Dana White: “Basically, we got the word when Jon went out and got his elbow checked, that he was out and couldn’t come back until April,” White explained. “So it made sense* for him to do The Ultimate Fighter. Why block up [the division]? Machida can fight. Dan Henderson can fight. Gustafsson and Shogun are going to fight in December. Everything will keep right on moving…These guys will both coach The Ultimate Fighter. They’ll fight when the season’s over, and then whoever’s next in line at 205 pounds can fight Jon Jones** next for the title.”

MMA Fighting caught up with Dana White last night in Rio after UFC 153 to dig into topics not fully explored during the post fight presser and the Prez had some interesting things to say. The most ear-catching thing for us came near the end of the interview when White said that the UFC was hoping to have suspended heavyweight Alistair Overeem fight for the title against the winner of Cain Velasquez and Junior Dos Santos as soon as he was cleared to.

Overeem came to the UFC in late 2011 and earned a title shot after stopping former champion Brock Lesnar in the first round. This, of course, came after he led the Nevada State Athletic Commission on an international goose chase as they tried to get him to complete his pre fight drug tests.

Then as he was nearing his next fight, Alistair tried to run out on a random drug test conducted by the commission and then, when he ultimately did take it, failed. As a result, he’s currently suspended.

Last night Eddie Alvarez scored a dramatic first round KO win (video above) over Patricky “Pitbull” Freire at Bellator 76 and potentially earned a UFC contract. The fight was the last on Alvarez’ contract with Bellator.

After Alvarez won, UFC President Dana White reportedly tweeted him saying, “congrats Bro!!! Let’s talk ”

Alvarez isn’t the top lightweight in Bellator after losing to Michael Chandler, but he has rebounded nicely from that loss with the win over Patricky and Shinya Aoki. Alvarez has long been regarded as one of the best fighters in the world not signed to the UFC.

We’ll keep you posted on developments with this story as they emerge. For now, enjoy Alvarez’ nasty KO.

- Elias Cepeda

(Sorry guys, but this shitty Photoshop is as close as we’ll get to seeing these two face off. / Image via MMAMania)

Considering how many times Jon Jones and Anderson Silva have told us that they’ll never fight each other, most reasonable people would have given up hope on that particular fantasy-match by now. Of course, UFC president Dana White is not exactly known for being reasonable. Asked by a fan on Twitter yesterday if Jones vs. Silva would ever happen, Dana replied “it will.”

That simple phrase — seemingly based on nothing other than his own desire to promote the fight, and his long-standing belief that any fighter can be convinced to do anything if you put enough money in front of them — resulted in a predictable firestorm on twitter. There were the gullible UFC-marks who expressed their excitement for the match as if it was already booked, and the detractors who questioned if Dana could actually put it together.

Props to Reddit/MMA for capturing part of the ensuing tantrum…

(An approximation of Dana’s reaction when we asked him the minimum number of dicks we would have to suck to get a press pass back.) 

Yes, you read that title correctly. No, it is not sarcasm and no, this is not a feeble attempt to get back into Dana’s good graces on our part. There are some bridges that are simply meant to be burned and we are willing to accept that. But we think you all should know that The Baldfather is finally expected to undergo surgery to combat the Meniere’s Disease he has publicly struggled with for some time now, and we should all be willing to put our personal issues with the guy aside for the moment and wish him the best of luck and a smooth recovery.

Dana made the announcement this morning via his Twitter:

Taking off right now for UFC RIO!! Anderson Silva vs Stephan Bonnar, pumped for Erick Silva vs Fitch too. Here I come BRAZIL!!!!!!
Saw the Dr today about my menieres and I’m getn the surgery when I get home from Brazil!!!!! #getmyfuknlifeback

If you are unfamiliar with the disease, head after the jump for a full breakdown.

(You should see the other guy.)

Although I thought George’s critique of Jeremy Stephens was a bit harsh, I must admit that I was similarly both impressed and a little put off by Dana White’s insistence that Stephens was not only a pawn in a vast Iowa-based conspiracy, but would in fact be fighting last Friday despite what us dumbass media types were saying [Ed note: Ironically, I took DW at his word and ended up looking like a dumbass]. Dana White’s loyalty to his fighters is admirable, but when you sweep a felony assault charge under the rug like it’s a parking ticket, you might just be sticking your neck out a little far is all I’m saying.

In either case, “Lil’ Heathen” is still stuck behind bars with bail set at a staggering $100,000. Now, I’m not a lawyer and I don’t play one on TV, but that kind of figure should be a good indication as to how serious this assault charge is. That is Law & Order triple homicide bail right there, people. Stephens will be extradited to Iowa on Tuesday to appear in court at approximately 1:30 p.m.

Stephens’ management, Evolution Agents, recently released the following statement regarding Jeremy’s side of the story. And although it’s still way too early (for me, at least) to choose sides, if the events transpired as this release claims they did, then Stephens’ is truly on the wrong end of some bullshit.

(Order it on Amazon.com right here.)

By Brian J. D’Souza

With his fight career behind him, and the MMA promotion that he helped build heading towards disintegration, Frank Shamrock has reached a reflective moment in his life. Armed with the perspective from years of struggle, Shamrock has poured his thoughts into an autobiography published last week, Uncaged: My Life as a Champion MMA Fighter. In this revealing interview with CagePotato.com, “The Legend” discusses his formative years, the experiences that carved his mind and body into fighting shape, and the massive labor of love that resulted in his book. Enjoy…

CAGEPOTATO.COM: How are you doing?
FRANK SHAMROCK: I am slightly jet-lagged and my spine is killing me.

You just came back from ‘Glory 2’ in Brussels? Did you enjoy the fights? 
Yeah, it was awesome, totally awesome. I’ve never called kickboxing, but I liked it. They [Glory] have a serious shot there. They have really good production people involved, the distribution seems to be pretty solid for the plan. Everybody just seemed to be on top of the world. It was pretty cool.

I read your book — in one sitting, because it was so riveting. It touched on a lot of personal issues, a lot of sensitive things [child abuse, molestation, incarceration, alcoholism] that we almost never hear fighters talk about. How tough was it to write this book?
It was pretty tough — not the sharing part, but just the learning part. There was a lot of stuff that I didn’t know about myself during the book writing part. It was healing and it was challenging. I think it was more healing than anything.

How long did it take to bring this project to completion?
It took four-and-a-half years. We started with an outline — I always knew I’d write this book — but it was an outline about four-and-a-half years ago. My story is my story, it didn’t change, it just kept growing. I wrote the skeleton down and got it going, and as soon as I found a writer [Charles Fleming], which took me a couple years, then it took me a year to sell him on the project. It took a long time to get people to realize what the depth of the work would be.

(Jeremy Stephens, shown here attempting to perform long division without a calculator.)

By George Shunick

So, Jeremy Stephens didn’t end up fighting on last night’s card. Instead, he spent the night in a jail cell, where he apparently has been denied bail.

Which is interesting, given that he is apparently is being “held on a two assault charges based on a 2011 incident in Des Moines, Iowa. One commanded $1,000 bail and the other $20,000.” Huh.

Anyway, this lack of coherence has infuriated the Baldfather, who had repeatedly tried to get Stephens out of jail in time for his fight and and claimed he was willing spend the amount of money it would take to free Charles Manson to do so. Like many things Dana White says, he may have been embellishing slightly.

While his support for his fighters is heartening and arguably the ethical course to take in these situations, Jeremy Stephens probably doesn’t deserve the benefit of the doubt in this case.

(What’s more interesting to you — Donald Cerrone‘s wakeboarding career, or Tracy Lee‘s chest? / Video via AlienwareChannel)

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When Frank Mir got injured and had to pull out of his scheduled fight with Strikeforce champion Daniel Cormier for their scheduled November 3rd fight Dana White asked UFC heavyweight Matt Mitrione to fill in for Mir. On Saturday White told reporters that Mitrione had turned down the fight and that he was not happy about it.

“It fucking makes me sick,” White said, according MMA Junkie. “Listen, you don’t want big opportunities, I hear you. I get it, then. All I can say is, I guess he doesn’t want big opportunities. I get it. Duly noted.”

White went on to say that Mitrione’s decision to just continue to train for his already scheduled December 29th against Phil De Fries was “fucking insane.”

“It makes no sense to me, and it’s insane. I’m a little bummed out by it. We’ll figure it out. Yeah, [Mitrione has already got a fight booked]. He said, ‘I’ll just take that one.’”

(White pictured with his crossed fingers out of the frame)

UFC President Dana White does not like MMA trainer Greg Jackson. At all.

He’s also been vocal and degrading in expressing his distaste for the New Mexico coach over the years. From blaming Jackson for fighters’ performances that were less than titillating to White to, more recently, calling Jackson a “sport killer” after his charge Jon Jones turned down a last minute replacement fight with Chael Sonnen at UFC 151, Uncle Dana routinely blasts Jackson.

Those days are over, though, according to White. After yesterday’s UFC on FX event White told assembled media that during a meeting with Jones prior to his title defense before UFC 152, President and Champion struck a deal wherein White would stop insulting Jackson and his camp.

“I sat down with Jon Jones and we talked, I made a deal with Jon,” White said. “I’m not going to say anything about Greg Jackson [anymore].”

(“Ronda, do you ever feel like you were born in the wrong body? Like, maybe your real gender isn’t the one that everybody sees? Oh. Okay. No, I don’t either, I was just asking. Hey, look, Pinkberry.”)

You can tell when UFC president Dana White is excited, because he swears slightly more than he usually does. Here’s what he had to say last week about his recent platonic play-date with Ronda Rousey (via MMAFighting):

“I took Ronda Rousey to the Sons of Anarchy premiere the other day. And you know how Hollywood premieres are with (expletive) people lined up and down the streets. You got the red carpet. So we pull up and you got all the Sons guys, and all the celebrities that are there from FX TV shows. We got out of the car and the whole (expletive) place started screaming ‘Ronda, Ronda, Ronda,’ like (expletive) crazy. Like a (expletive) Kardashian got out of the car. I was like holy (expletive) (expletive) this girl is right there.

“She’s a (expletive) unique individual. She’s like a Diaz brother. She really is. Inside like a (expletive) dude trapped in this beautiful body. The reason I got interested in women’s MMA is because of her…everyone is like it’s cause she’s good-looking and ‘Dana blah-blah.’ Gina Carano is good-looking too. She’s very pretty. There’s (expletive) something different about Ronda Rousey.

(During international expansion negotiations, UFC CEO Lorenzo Fertitta lets his pecs and arms do the talking.)

MMA Junkie has an interesting item up on their site from UFC CEO Lorenzo Fertitta where the owner/executive discusses the organization’s expansion into India. If you’re anything like this writer, your initial reaction to the news that the UFC was looking to break into the sub-continent nation with The Ultimate Fighter: India was, “Yeah, that’s a huge market! What with all their people, and such. Wait, do they like MMA in India? Are there Indian MMA fighters?”

Perhaps you’re much more worldly and cultured than I (more than likely) and didn’t think that. But in the Junkie article, Fertitta admits that the UFC is starting from scratch in India. He just believes that there are cultural forces and trends that might make Indians of a certain age very receptive to MMA and the UFC.

“It’s a market we think has a lot of potential, but we are literally starting from ground zero,” Fertitta said. “People (there) really don’t know anything about this sport or the UFC.”

Meh.

Perhaps you are part of the ever-diminishing group of people who chose to watch The Ultimate Fighter on a Friday night before going into town on a taxi, having a couple of drugs, having dinner, having a threesome, going home again, having a shower, going out again, more drugs, more threesomes – basically living the rock n’ roll lifestyle of the 18-34 year olds that this show targets. Or perhaps you are straight edge, in which case TUF serves as a warm-up for your night of  Mr. Pibb (or some other beverage, if you enjoy missing all the cool things), lines of Pixy Stix and threesomes. You know, standard practice.

If you tuned in during the first episode, the good news is that you were treated to a night of actual fights instead of drunken arguments, disturbing pranks and more of the stuff you hate about the show. Sure, we still had multiple dudes entering the cage sporting Tatanka/Jorgensen hawks, but not everyone can pull off a normal haircut, I guess.

Right off the bat things get awkward between Dana White and Roy Nelson. Before the fights, Big Country informs the fighters that it’s important to entertain the fans, but winning should be their main priority. Dana White lets Shane Carwin address the UFC hopefuls before he tells the fighters how wrong Roy Nelson is for saying that. That moment probably would have been pretty effective in building interest in the Roy Nelson vs. Dana White storyline if Dana White hasn’t been telling everyone who will listen how fed up he is with Big Country.

As for the actual fights, we’ve got results after the jump, including team selections.

(He’s just jolly. Who could begrudge him that outlook?)

Since tonight marks the premiere of TUF 16, coached by UFC heavyweights Roy Nelson and Shane Carwin, and featuring Uncle Dana on backup vocals, it seems like a good time to round up all the vitriol spewed at Nelson by Carwin and White, as well as preview all the drama to come. In recent interviews, both Shane and the Baldfather spoke about their distaste for Big Boy Roy.

Carwin is succinct in telling Bleacher Report, ”I hate [Nelson]. I dislike him. I hate him as a person. That’s just it.”

Apparently, Shane feels that Roy poses as a hardworking blue-collar guy, but instead spends most of his time complaining. “He always has an excuse for everything. He claims to be this average, normal guy and that’s who he tries to reach too, the blue-collar workers,” Carwin tells BR.

“Well, that’s me. That’s where I came from. I was the one working at 15 years old and working concrete in construction, working at meat packing plants, throwing boxes and things like that. He hasn’t had a job in his life. This is the only thing he has ever done. He’s the farthest thing from a blue-collar worker that he claims to be.”

While Carwin chastises Nelson for not doing enough chores around the family farm as a kid, White has his own reasons for criticizing the more rotund TUF coach:

(Machida has a lot riding on this fight: A UFC title shot, the respect of Brazil’s fans, and a chance to one day sit on the Cool Guy Bench.)

The UFC’s light-heavyweight title picture has become quite a twisted web over the last few weeks. When Dan Henderson blew out his knee before his scheduled title challenge against Jon Jones at UFC 151 (R.I.P.), the call went out to Lyoto Machida to meet Jones at UFC 152, since the Dragon was officially next in line. But then Machida declined the offer, and yada yada yada, we now have an aging middleweight looking to shock the world next weekend.

So does that mean that Henderson keeps his spot at the front of the 205-pound contender-line when he heals up? Not exactly. According to a new report from Dave Meltzer on MMAFighting, UFC president Dana White now intends to have Hendo and Machida fight each other to determine the true #1 LHW contender. The planned booking seems to be motivated at least partly by anger. As Meltzer writes:

(Fighter escapes power-bomb to land big knockout on neckbearded savage, via MMA: Inside the Cage.)

- Dana White Goes Off Again on Jon Jones, Greg Jackson (MMAFighting)

- Contracts, How Do They Work? The Bellator Story (BloodyElbow)

- UFC 153 Timetable: How The Rio Card Recovered From Devastation (HeavyMMA)

- Matt Lindland Discusses His Future, Fedor Emelianenko, Fallout With the UFC, And More (Fightline)

- Woman vs. Workout: Model Lauren Berlingeri Learns the MMA Basics With Louis Gaudinot (YouTube.com/3V)

- Must…resist…horsemeat joke… (Facebook.com/CagePotato)

- A Female MMA Fighter Will Be a Character in the Upcoming ‘Dead or Alive 5′ Game (MiddleEasy)

- The 25 Fittest Football Players (MensFitness)

- The 50 Most Brutal Hits in NFL History (Complex)

- Movie Supercut Video: Animals Covering Their Eyes With Their Paws (FilmDrunk)

- The 50 Coolest Kids in the History of the Internet (WorldWideInterweb)

- How to Fight With Your Wife (MadeMan)

- 20 Extremely Remote Landmarks (EgoTV)

(It was on this night that Dana realized: No matter how many f-bombs you can get away with in public, one n-bomb will still get you shot.)

As difficult as it is to be a poster-designer for the UFC these days, it seems that it is even more trying to be a fan of the promotion in general, especially one who actually purchases tickets and pay-per-views (chumps). Main events, co-main events, and entire cards are being switcherooed, discombobulated, kerfluffled, skip-skopped, skallywagged, and outright cancelled seemingly willy-nilly, and the constant change of pace is clearly taking its toll on UFC fans around the world.

Realizing the mounting frustration that has taken over our already acrimonious audience, we’ve tried to coax you away from this harsh, unforgiving world of news and enchant you with fancy knockouts, hot chicks, and pot-shots at Jose Canseco to make it all better. Basically, we’ve rubbed some ‘tussin on your open, festering wounds, but as Sam Peebles will tell you, no amount of Bull’s Eye Red Licorice will make up for the fact that you were raped in the library bushes as a child.

…

I forgot where I was going with that analogy, but here’s a supercut of Dana White’s best f-bombs to help get you through this topsy-turvy day in MMA.