(“You’ve got him right where you want him, Patrick!”)

Since dropping his third straight fight to Tom Lawlor at UFC 121 and subsequently getting axed from the UFC, former middleweight title challenger (that still just seems weird to write) Patrick Cote has been quietly putting together wins under various Canadian promotions, and in fact has scored three straight over UFC veterans Kalib Starnes, Todd Brown, and Crafton Wallace.

Meanwhile, back here on Earth, Tim Sylvia has undergone one of the most obnoxious and plain bizarre campaigns to get back in the UFC that we have ever seen. He’s enlisted the help of the UG, he’s Twitter-bombed Dana White, and he’s even released a training video that was hands down the funniest two minutes this world has seen since that Leprechaun was spotted in Mobile, Alabama.

One thing Sylvia hasn’t been doing, however, is scoring convincing wins over decent opponents. And according to Cote, Sylvia, and any other ex-UFC fighters attempting to beg their way back into the promotion, need to simply “shut up and fight.”

It all started when Cote out the following Tweet amidst all of Sylvia’s UFC pandering.

“@patrick_cote: Dear Tim Sylvia, shut the hell up, win fights and stop begging, its f*cking anoying !!!”

Join us after the jump for the war of words. 

(Don’t play that shit around Senator Harry Reid. This is the man who *invented* invisible lat syndrome.)

As the editor of an MMA website, I’m constantly bombarded with images of tattooed skinheads engaged in gay foreplay. And yet, there are times when I’m faced with an image that even makes me uncomfortable. Check out 25 of the most chillingly awkward MMA photos in the gallery after the jump, laugh nervously, then avert your eyes in shame…

(Video courtesy of YouTube/StudioMMA)

An interesting quote from the interview above by our friends at StudioMMA got me thinking today whether or not the landmark TV deal the UFC struck with Fox is helping or hindering Zuffa’s bottom line.

According to UFC president Dana White, every day he deals with fans who say they had no idea that the UFC is broadcasting events on Fox and it’s affiliates like FX and Fuel TV.

“Our deal with Fox is seven years. Over the next two years we’re working our asses off to get this Fox deal dialed in… Fuel, FX and big Fox — as far as the production goes, as far as the type of programming we’re going to continue to put together, fine-tuning the Ultimate Fighter that’s live and reaching out and letting not only the hardcore fans, the sometimes fans and people who aren’t yet fans know that we’re on Fox. That’s a bigger job than people could imagine. How many people that I still talk to on Twitter that have no idea we are on FOX, FX or FUEL; oh, it’s crazy man. It’s crazy. So that’s what we’re going to be doing in the next two years.”

By Elias Cepeda

This season’s TUF features live fights each week but everything before that are taped highlights of how the fighters and their teams and coaches have spent the past week. By the looks of what we saw on episode 3, a good amount of what Team Cruz did before getting ready for the next bout was making fun of how Dominick Cruz mind fucked the whole of Team Faber last week.

Cruz coach Lloyd Irvin gleefully recounted how, after choosing overall number one pick Justin Lawrence to fight this week, Dominick Cruz told Faber that he could choose who, from his team wanted to fight. Faber was shocked by Cruz giving up matchmaking power that he had earned after James Vick KO’s Daron Cruickshank and asked his team who wanted to fight.

No one raised their hands. And, as Irvin pointed out, many of them were all but looking up at the sky, whistling. A flustered Faber gave the pick back to Cruz, who chose the most accomplished fighter in the house, Cristian Marcello.

Faber lets us know, during an interview, that he really is trying to contain his rage at Cruz. “I’m doing my best to hold it together,” he says. “But, you know, I want to punch the guy right in the face,” bro. Ok, I added the “bro,” in. But no matter what Faber is saying, his surferspeak always makes it sound like he’s inviting you to go catch a few waves or telling you about the killer party he’s throwing next weekend, and could you please pitch in for the keg.

From the little we’d seen thus from Lawrence, the fact that he trains at Blackhouse, and Marcello’s pedigree and experience, this seemed more like a TUF Final than a first round bout.

But before we get to the fight itself – Chris Tickle’s annoying ass, ladies and gentlemen. Episode 3 featured the Team Cruz fighter, being a smart ass in teasing Team Faber members, acting all sensitive when teased him, trying to spar with ear rings in, destroying parking lot signs, using perhaps the most quickly passing case of diarrhea to avoid training and (yes, really) wearing a fucking gas mask during an interview.

Back in the house, Tickle worked hard to tell Team Faber members how stupid they looked in not raising their hands when their coach asked them who they wanted to fight. But Justin Lawrence made it clear that it wasn’t just Team Faber guys who were annoyed by Tickle.

As reels ran showing Tickle’s hilarious, totally disruptive and incredibly creative “prank” of pulling out Urijah Faber’s parking space sign out of the ground, Lawrence delivered the play by play with about as much excitement as one could imagine him having to describe clipping his own toe nails. Lawrence says Tickle is “obnoxious.”

We have a very, very special guest on this week’s installment of the CagePotato Roundtable: UFC light-heavyweight legend Stephan Bonnar, who has agreed to join the CP gang for a spirited debate on the most epic rivalries in MMA history — something he knows a thing or two about first-hand. Follow Stephan on Twitter @stephanbonnar, buy some of his t-shirts at PunchBuddies.com, and if you have a suggestion for a future Roundtable topic, please send it to tips@cagepotato.com. Now then…

Stephan Bonnar

I’m here to talk about MMA’s most intense rivalries. Catering to the casual fight fan first, I’ll start with the most obvious one. (I know it’s not fair to you hardcore fans, but no one cares about you. We know that you will tune in no matter what. I still appreciate you, you obsessed lunatics, so just stay tuned.)

Chael Sonnen vs Anderson Silva. Chael recently received his PHD in the art of trash talking (TT), and was also the valedictorian of his class. He took TT to new heights. His words ripped not only through his adversaries intestines, but the intestines of his counterpart’s entire country. Trust me though, this brilliant TT’er has an outrageous yet adept plan to convert the hate of some of those countrymen to love and acceptance. Yes, I have inside info…but no, I won’t spoil Chael’s next scheme. Take it from me, “You’ll see what’s up Chael’s sleeve!”

If Chael was valedictorian of his class, then Anderson was the class buffoon. Anderson’s knowledge of the English language quickly evaporates when it’s his turn to retort to some of Chael’s verbal onslaught. This rivalry has had the most one-sided trashtalking in the history of the sport. When it comes to slanging rhetoric, is Anderson worse than Joe Frazier was against the great Ali? I’d enthusiastically say so. I’d also have to say that Chael would be able to hang with “The Greatest” when it came to sparring with verbs. Even in his native tongue, Anderson fails to even so much as hold Chael’s jock strap. Landslide victory for Chael in this event. And for those of you that say talking trash doesn’t do shit, I beg to differ. It has increased my anxiousness ten fold in anticipation of seeing this “rivalry” settled with extreme violence.

(*mind explodes*)

A fight MMA fans have been clamoring for the past few years is a super fight between two of the sport’s most dominant champions: Anderson Silva and Georges St-Pierre.

The stumbling block, besides the queue of challengers lining up to face both men is the fact that they compete in different weight classes — St-Pierre at 170 and Silva at 185. It would almost make more sense to have “The Spider” face 205-pound champ Jon Jones since they walk around at a closer weight and Silva has fought and won at light heavyweight, but “Bones” has stated that he has no interest in the fight.

One of the biggest proponents of a GSP-Silva pairing (which St-Pierre says he’s all for in the next 12 months) is UFC president Dana White, who stated this week that he would love to do the fight in St-Pierre’s home country,which would guarantee a sellout even if it was the only bout on the card.

“I want to put on big fights. I want to put on fights the fans want to see. I know how big that fight is. Imagine if we did Anderson Silva versus Georges St-Pierre anywhere in Canada, how big that fight would be. Believe me, I’d love to do it. We’ll see what happens,” he told MMAWeekly. “Obviously it’s a fight that people have been talking about for a long time. So like Georges said, first of all, he has to get healthy. Then he’s got to fight [Carlos] Condit. Anderson is fighting Chael [Sonnen], and then we’ll see where we go from there. I know that Anderson couldn’t make 170 [pounds], so it would depend on Georges moving up or those guys meet at a catchweight or something like that.”

(That moment you realize you are a fraction of the man Dan Henderson is.) 

Few, if any, will ever be able to forget Dan Henderson and Mauricio “Shogun” Rua’s epic battle at UFC 139. It was like that time you watched your dad and your friend’s dad argue over a garden hose at your local pub when you were 12, an argument that quickly devolved into chair throwing, bottle smashing, and frequent use of the “n-word” despite the fact that both participants were white. You and your friend would never be the same again, but to be fair, his dad did say he would return the hose over a week ago, so fuck him.

Now swap your friend’s dad/Shogun with Dana White, and your dad with Dan Henderson, and you’ve pretty much got the gist of these two’s ongoing series of misunderstandings. They’ve butted heads over money before, but now it seems they’ve moved into the territory of straight up verbal warfare. At yesterday’s Calgary press conference, White informed Mauro Ranallo that he had attempted to secure a rematch between Henderson and Rua, but was met with firm opposition by the inventor of the H-bomb:

Yeah, I was trying to put together Dan Henderson vs. Shogun II and Henderson doesn’t want to do the fight. Henderson wants to wait for the winner of either Jonny “Bones” Jones or Anderson Silva. He wants Anderson Silva, if Silva wins, he will make that cut. Otherwise, he wants to fight the winner of Rashad and Jones.

After hearing the above snippet, Henderson took to his Twitter account to respond, where he promptly slayed DW in less than ten words.

Join us after the jump for those ten words.

(We hear you there, bro.) 

In a move that is sure to upset hundreds of thousands of dozens of people, the Oklahoma State Athletic Commission, and specifically its Executive Director Joe Miller, recently issued the following statement to promoters statewide that has more or less banned MMA from the land of fried okra:

The purpose of this letter is to inform you the Oklahoma State Athletic Commission will not be accepting applications for event permits for events scheduled after March 31, 2012. The Commission is faced with an out-of-state threat that, if successful, could greatly affect the Commission’s ability to provide for the public safety and for the health and safety of the athletes for future events throughout the state of Oklahoma. The Commission is currently trying to address legal and legislative efforts which have given us serious concerns about how we move forward with adequate oversight of Oklahoma’s boxing, mixed martial arts, and professional wrestling events. As you know, the primary focus of this agency is to make sure the athlete’s health, and safety is not compromised. We take this charge very seriously. The Commission and I will be working diligently to address these issues and develop a plan of action to return to a normal course of business.

Now why, pray tell, do you think Oklahoma would do this to us? Here’s a hint: Dana M.F. White.

Join us after the jump for more on this story as well as a great piece of Pro-NY MMA propaganda. 

By Elias Cepeda

Jon Anik’s silky voice talks us in to episode two of The Ultimate Fighter 15, telling us we’re less than an hour away from tonight’s live fight. We’re about to see what happened this past week in TUFlandia but right now there are two hooded fighters warming up with their backs to the camera in their respective lock rooms.

Could it be? Yes…those two (at present) nameless and faceless fighters will fight each other tonight but we will have to wait and see who they are. Cheesy, but kinda cool. Another new element of this debuting hybrid taped/live TUF format. Also, there’s a fight clock on the bottom right hand of the screen, ticking down.

The 16 winning fighters from last week’s elimination round pull up to the TUF mansion and once again we see a new crop of young fighters enthusiastically explore their new digs with the type of giddiness that can only lead us to believe that they’ve never watched past seasons and thus don’t realize how completely miserable it can be to be locked in that house. Happens every season.

(“When I find the fool that stole my chain, I’m gonna whoop his ass.”)

Dana White’s latest video blog is chocked full of cool behind-the-scenes moments from UFC 144 in Japan, UFC on FX 2 in Australia and last week’s TUF Live premiere from Las Vegas.

Dana starts out by explaining why they went with single round eliminator bouts at to decide which fighters made it into the house on TUF and breaking down the format the show will follow from here on out. It will be interesting to see what shenanigans make it on the show and what will happen during the weekly live fight segments.

Rampage makes a brief appearance to explain that he was hurt training and that’s why he didn’t beat that “boring-ass wrestler” Ryan Bader.

Add this upcoming documentary to the pile of must-see soon-to-be-released MMA movies along with “Once I was a Champion” and “Fightville.”

“Fight Spirit Pride” looks back on former UFC featherweight contender Mark Hominick’s crossover period from Canadian MMA standout to popular Octagon veteran five years ago. Though it should have been one of the most exciting and happy times of his life, it was one of the most stressful and painful for Hominick as his father was also dying from cancer.

Featuring a number of the sport’s most recognizable faces including Dana White, Eddie Bravo, Joe Rogan, Sam Stout, Georges St-Pierre, Bas Rutten and Kevin James, the emotional film also touches on the untimely death of “The Machine’s” longtime mentor, trainer and friend, Shawn Tompkins last year.

Here’s a description from the film’s producers:

“This is a Documentary film about a UFC fighter’s struggle between being there for his dying father, and his career. This documentary is a very raw uncensored microscopic look into the life of a fighter; it has two deaths and two births.”

Check out the trailer after the jump.

By Elias Cepeda

Over the better part of a decade, The Ultimate Fighter reality fighting competition show has seen a number of different format changes and gimmicks, from coaches set to fight for titles and nominally famous singer eye candy hosts, to veterans given a second chance in the UFC with title shots as the prizes. But three things have always stayed constant – the show airing on Spike, seasons being taped months before airing, and fighters in the house being treated to all you could drink liquor buffets while simultaneously being asked to maintain the UFC’s high standards of sober living.

We can only hope that the last item doesn’t change this year, but the first two already have. With the new season of TUF being aired on FX, the UFC has decided to try something new and air all fights live every Friday night. Friday night 32 UFC hopefuls, TUF head coaches Dominick Cruz and Urijah Faber, Prez Dana White and a variety of other Nevada judges, referees and oddly placed celebrities in the crowd, gathered in the UFC training center in Las Vegas for 16 fights to determine who got to be in the TUF house for the next three months.

Here’s the action, tater nation, in the present tense, as fast as we could type it all.

(“Damn, I did Nazi this one coming. Yeah, I know, go fuck myself…”)

Sure, it would have been nice if Strikeforce did a simple Google search to see if Brandon Saling had any skeletons in his closet; even if they looked at one photo of him before last Saturday, they might have noticed that his tattoos were of the “history buff” variety. But now that the truth is out regarding Saling’s past — which includes a 2004 conviction for having sex with a 12-year-old — at least we can be sure that we’ll probably never see this walking-turd compete in sanctioned MMA competition again*.

According to an MMA Weekly report, the Ohio Athletic Commission has revoked Saling’s fight license after last weekend’s event in Columbus for failing to disclose his past criminal background on the licensing application he filled out in February for a previous fight under the NAAFS banner. In addition to being listed as a registered sex offender in the state of Ohio, Saling was also convicted on domestic violence charges stemming from an incident in 2008.

Just a friendly reminder for you to set your PVR for 9:00 p.m. ET tonight so you don’t miss the acclaimed two-hour Bruce Lee documentary SPIKE TV is airing.

The film, “I Am Bruce Lee,” is a theatrical release currently playing in select theatres in Australia, the U.S. and Canada this month, and by all accounts it’s definitely worth watching, especially if you’re a fan of the late great martial artist and actor’s work.

(Gentlemen, if you want to truly be considered the winner, we’re going to need to see a little more effort here.) 

Well, he must have called DW back. Whether you feel Frankie Edgar deserved it or not, it appears the former lightweight champion will be getting his rematch with Ben Henderson sometime this summer, as announced by UFC  President Dana White on his Twitter earlier this evening.

UFC President Dana White recently sat down with Spencer Lazara among others for a brief interview, and among the topics to come up was that of a possible Frankie Edgar/Ben Henderson rematch. Edgar, who lost his belt to Henderson at UFC 144, has been bombarding White with talks of a rematch since losing the belt, despite the fact that Dana has outwardly stated a desire for Edgar to drop to 145 and face Jose Aldo. When asked if there was any update on the rematch, DW had the following to say:

No, not yet. Frankie Edgar’s manager has been blowing me up for the last two days. I know he flew to Las Vegas and met with Lorenzo. They thought I was going to be there too, but I’m not. Frankie owes me a phone call. I called Frankie again yesterday and he didn’t answer so we’ll see what happens.

When asked if Dana was growing discouraged with Edgar’s persistence, White was quick to commend the former champ:

Frankie Edgar has given every guy a rematch that we said deserved a rematch. Again, my only beef is, with him being at a higher weight class, you have these decisions that are so narrow that people are on both sides of the fence. I’d rather see him at 145.

I mean, look at these guys at 125. Benavidez said it tonight, he said, ‘Listen, I used to crack guys at 135 pounds, and it was tough to put them away at that bigger weight class.’ What do you think Frankie Edgar’s going to do? Everybody thinks there’s no competition for Jose Aldo. I disagree…and I’d like to see [Edgar] go there. 

Join us after the jump for the full video, which includes White’s thoughts on TUF 15′s Dakota Cochrane.

(And if enough of you follow him on Twitter, he will fight this dog to the death on live television.) 

Talk about an odd method of motivation. UFC President Dana White has long lamented over the extra baggage UFC heavyweight Roy Nelson has been carrying around over the course of his career, and it appeared to have some impact, as Nelson showed up at a slim and trim 246 pounds for his most recent UFC 143 battle with Fabricio Werdum. Though the results were less than successful, it seemed as if “Big Country” had actually begun to make a commitment to shedding the unnecessary pounds that were holding him back from being a truly elite fighter. After his loss to Werdum, many were calling for the rotund Burger King enthusiast to consider a drop to light heavyweight, regardless of how long it took. Though it would undoubtedly be a mountainous task, it would ultimately benefit Nelson, who is a mere 3-3 as a heavyweight in his UFC career.

Well according to Roy, we won’t be seeing him even attempt the cut unless he gets a few more people to “like” him on Facebook. In a recent interview with BloodyElbow, Nelson managed to set aside his order of baby back ribs long enough to make a pledge to transform his body, but if and only if he added 100,000 friends/likes/whogivesafucks to his profile:

The reason is my friend and I had a discussion about what was better? I think twitter just because of use and for fans interaction, but Facebook is 20x bigger. So we decided to bet. I said if it so easy and great I should be able add 100K fans in 2 weeks because I have that on twitter. Facebook is bigger and better so this should be easy. Right?

Bet is I will try to get to 205 if I can add 100k to Facebook.com/RoyNelsonUFC in two weeks. I love to win bets. Plus he will have to give me a part in his next movie.

(To be fair, DW also thought the Conan remake was going to TOTALLY RULE.) 

In what might become known as the most difficult rebound match in the history of combat sports, UFC President Dana White has suggested that former UFC Lightweight Champion Frankie Edgar drop down to 145 lbs, whereupon he would be given an immediate title shot against Jose Aldo. When questioned on the possibility of Edgar receiving a rematch against Ben Henderson following his…close, I guess, decision loss at UFC 144, White didn’t come right out and say yes or no, but rather suggested an alternate route for Edgar:

I think everybody is pretty clear on what I’d like to see him do, I’d like to see him go down to his natural weight of 145 pounds. There’s no doubt, again, when you talk about respecting a guy, I have so much respect for Frankie Edgar and what he’s been able to do at 155 pounds – because he had to, because there wasn’t a 145 pound division…

…if I’m gonna deny him the rematch for the 155 pound title, I’m gonna make him move to 145 and say, ‘Yeah, you’re gonna have to fight a couple fights first to get the title.’ Does that sound right? No.

When asked for comment, Urijah Faber exclaimed, “That makes perfect sense to me. Absolutely perfect sense.” OK, we made that last part up.

Tim Sylvia is a desperate man, ladies and gentlemen. A couple of weeks ago, he released a video in which he claimed he could beat eighty percent of the heavyweights in the UFC. He went on to blame the UFC’s need to fill cards as the reason guys like Joey Beltran, Chrisitan Morecraft, and Stefan Struve were still employed. Because, as we all know, Abe Wagner, Ray Mercer, and Mariusz Pudzianowski are the heavyweight contenders the UFC is missing out on. To no one’s surprise, Dana White did not take the bait.

Then, “The Maine-iac” caught part of The Shawshank Redemption on TBS one night and came up with a plan: continue to release videos week after week until he received his metaphorical library full of books. It’s gotten bad, folks. So bad, in fact, that Sylvia is now enlisting the help of The UG (hey, it works for some people), offering to let one of his followers corner him in his UFC return match, whenever that may come. DW caught wind of all this, and proceeded to crush Sylvia’s dreams outright before they ever gained any steam, stating the following:

I have no beef with Tim Sylvia whatsoever, I have nothing against the guy, but I say it all the time: that was when the division was the weakest, when he was champion. And for him to make a statement like he could come back and beat 80-percent of the fighters in the UFC? The last time I saw him, he got knocked out by a 50-year-old boxer in like 10 seconds. Him and Arlovski were knocking each other out every weekend.

By Shawshank terms, Tim Sylvia just received another month in the hole. Or are we being too obtuse?

In either case, the former UFC Heavyweight Champ and Depend’s spokesperson inevitably heard The Baldfather’s criticisms, and was quick to retort. Well, probably not too quick:

(“Where’s your other fist and why do they call you ‘Master’ anyway?”)

Just a friendly reminder that the UFC is on Japanese time this weekend, so everything will be happening a bit later than usual.

Today’s weigh-ins are going down at 11:00 pm ET and we’ll have the live stream for you below.

Will the fighters play up to the Japanese crowd? Will young local girls cover their mouths and laugh when fighters disrobe? Will Akiyama cause mass hysteria and women to pass out? Will Dana be booed by the PRIDE faithful?

All of these questions and more will be answered after the jump.

(“TRX is a workout thingy? I thought it was a rap group.”)

In spite of the fact that it was mostly made up of clips from this week’s pre-fight presser, Dana’s second UFC 144 vlog was pretty entertaining.

Check out the highlights and the video after the jump if your boss blocked YouTube at work. What is this, 1984?

(You may see Snoop Dogg and some bald white guy, but all we see are two cool friends, hanging out and singing karaoke.)

The rise of New Yorks Knicks point guard Jeremy Lin has not come without a bit of racially motivated backlash amongst the sports world, for reasons that have yet to be determined. After using the phrase “chink in the armor” to describe the Knicks loss to the New Orleans Hornets, a remark that appeared to be aimed at Lin, ESPN fired the writer responsible and suspended MMA Live host Max Bretos for using the phrase during a live broadcast. Sports media personality Stephen A. Smith recently discussed the issue alongside Skip Bayless, and if you have an extra 10 minutes on your hand, we recommend you check out his take on everything from over-sensitivity to racism in general, as it really puts the whole debate into perspective.

One person who clearly didn’t get Mr. Smith’s message was WBC Welterweight champion and detriment to society, Floyd Mayweather, who recently took to Twitter to intelligently discuss all that is Linsanity. And by intelligently discuss, we mean turn it into a matter of race like he always does, stating the following:

Jeremy Lin is a good player but all the hype is because he’s Asian. Black players do what he does every night and don’t get the same praise.

Aside from drawing the backlash of his fans, the remark caught the attention of UFC President Dana White, who tore Floyd a new one during a recent episode of FUELTV’s “UFC Tonight,” the video of which awaits you after the jump.

You know the deal by now, Potato Nation. Dana White’s first video blog for UFC 144 takes a look back at the aftermath of UFC 143, as has become the norm. So we’re going to skip the fancy introduction and get right into it.

(1:43) -  Matt Riddle has to be one of the nicest guys in the UFC, bar none. Talk about a guy that loves his job. And a metaphorical fist bump is due to Henry Martinez for putting on a hell of a fight on such short notice. DW states that he originally thought this match-up was “the worst mismatch in UFC History.” How quickly we all forgot Silva/Leites.

(2:36) - Poor Edwin Figueroa‘s testicles.

(2:44) - Apparently Bruce Leroy kicked Figueroa so hard in the balls that he forgot how many times he kicked Figueroa in the balls. Irony? Either way, we agree that a two point deduction seemed a little harsh. Then again, Caceres likely destroyed any of Figueroa’s future plans to have children, so we’ll call it even.

(If Dana were to give an actual State of the Union, we imagine it would sound a little something like this.)

Now, I know I am going to take a lot of flack for writing this, but it’s good to see that UFC President Dana White is at least addressing our concerns when it comes to the clusterfuck that is MMA judging and refereeing. No matter what, or should I say, whose, side you took in the whole Diaz/Condit debacle, you probably agree that there need to be some serious changes made when it comes to choosing the winner of a given fight. And don’t even get us started on the Koscheck/Pierce decision.

The simple fact is that although the sport has evolved in leaps and bounds over the years, the matter by which it is judged has refused to change its mindset, like a stubborn old man who still believes that a mythical beast hustled him out of three dollars and fifty cents.

And while reffing will always contain a certain degree of human subjectivity (as with any other sport), MMA judges should be able to adhere to stricter, more definable rules than “aggression” and “octagon control,” which leave a lot of room for interpretation when it comes to deciding a close round. We’ve already put forth several options, and per usual, no one has returned our calls.

Anyway, join us after the jump for a transcription of DW’s inaugural “Presidential Address,” as well a snippet about his plans to bring the UFC to Hawaii.

(We should have known that Harold Howard would be snubbed. It’s politics, man. It’s all politics.)

This Saturday at UFC 143, the UFC will unveil the broadcast intro that has replaced our fallen gladiator. Known as “Evolution,” the 60-second clip will “pay tribute to all the guys who have helped build this company and helped build this sport over the last 10 years during the Zuffa era,” as Dana White put it. Basically, it’s the most elaborate, big-budget MMA highlight reel ever produced. Read on, and you won’t be shocked when you see it tomorrow…

1) With the exception of Royce Gracie vs. Ken Shamrock at UFC 1, “Evolution” doesn’t include anything before UFC 30.
Here’s a list of the 18 fights featured in the intro, via MMAFighting: Royce Gracie vs. Ken Shamrock (UFC 1), Tito Ortiz vs. Evan Tanner (UFC 30), Matt Hughes vs. Frank Trigg (UFC 52), Chuck Liddell vs. Tito Ortiz (UFC 47), BJ Penn vs. Sean Sherk (UFC 84), Georges St-Pierre vs. Matt Hughes (UFC 65), Randy Couture vs. Tim Sylvia (UFC 68), Quinton Jackson vs. Wanderlei Silva (UFC 92), Brock Lesnar vs. Heath Herring (UFC 87), Rich Franklin vs. Nate Quarry (UFC 56), Junior dos Santos vs. Gilbert Yvel (UFC 108), Dominick Cruz vs. Demetrious Johnson (UFC on VS 6), Forrest Griffin vs. Stephan Bonnar (TUF 1 Finale), Cain Velasquez vs. Brock Lesnar (UFC 121), Frankie Edgar vs. Gray Maynard (UFC 125), Jose Aldo vs. Mark Hominick (UFC 129), Jon Jones vs. Stephan Bonnar (UFC 94), Anderson Silva vs. Vitor Belfort (UFC 126).

The UFC made a point to include all seven current UFC champions, as well as “the guys, almost in chronological order, who have helped us get here,” White said. Of course, the UFC’s SEG-era champions and stars are conspicuously absent. No Frank Shamrock, no Pat Miletich, no Tank Abbott.

2) The intro cost “an obscene amount of money,” and was delayed because of Rich Franklin.

(“Medium rare? What the f*ck is that supposed to mean and why is that your answer to every one of my questions?”)

With all of his WWE-esque posturing the past few years it’s been tough to discern who the real “Chael P. Sonnen” is. Thankfully we have Dr. Phil to get to the bottom of things.

Check out Chael in his most candid interview like you’ve never seen him before being open and honest with Oprah’s BFF after the jump.

By now, you know the deal when it comes to Dana White’s videoblogs, and today’s “episode” is no different. Taking a behind-the-scenes look at the aftermath of the UFC’s second Fox event, the UFC 143 videoblog contains the familiar mix of upper and downer moments, with an emphasis on the downer. Especially tough to watch is Joey Beltran’s realization that his Zuffa career may have reached a temporary standstill in the wake of his first round KO loss to Lavar Johnson. Keep your chin up, “Mexicutioner.”

Let’s get right to the highlights.

(0:45) - Jon Jones, seen here for the last time before disappearing into a thicket of notes from which he has yet to emerge.

(1:22) – God damn it, will someone give Beltran a hug and tell him that everything is going to be alright?

(1:40) – Eric Wisely, still in awe of the calf-slicer Charles Oliveira was able to pull on him. The pain was apparently so incredible that Wisely has trouble explaining to the backstage physician where exactly the strain was.

(2:48) – Jon Jones explains how Cub Swanson is one of the “nastiest dudes” on Team Jackson. He makes a good point.

(“Wait. How did he know I was writing this from my mom’s basement. Scary.”)

According to a story released today by Softpedia.com, the hacker that shut down UFC.com and posted Dana White’s purported personal information including his Social Security number, phone numbers and net worth, was a 13-year-old Australian computer whiz who goes by the handle s3rver.exe

When I was 13 I couldn’t even beat Super Mario Brothers. This kid claims to have “taken down” over 120 and hacked over 150 websites, including Mastercard.com and URLs belonging to the Oakland Police Department and the Federal Bureau of Investigation using the same software that others use to steal credit card and banking information.

Today is truly a sad day for the MMA world, one that no amount of Office Space parodies or Korean television can resolve. For today, a great man has died, and therefore has taken a piece of us all with him. We’re talking, of course, about none other than the unacknowledged gladiator who’s trials and tribulations were once synonymous with the beginning of every UFC event. We’re talking about the nameless, faceless warrior who could grind sand into…well, sand, in the palm of his hand whilst an epic chorus sang in the background. Though we never knew what lied beyond the blinding white he so courageously stepped into night after night, it seems now that the mysterious abyss was in fact the UFC vault. The Underground was the first to break the story:

Tonight, UFC President Dana White revealed exclusively to the Underground that the opening sequence for its PPV broadcast has been redone and the new introduction will be revealed this Saturday for UFC 143. The event will feature Nick Diaz fighting Carlos Condit for the interim welterweight championship in the main event.

The opening sequence, which has shown a Roman gladiator preparing for battle has often been critiqued by fans and although the sequence hasn’t been used by the UFC on its FOX and Fuel TV broadcasts, it had been present as most recent as this past UFC 142.

To quote the UFC President directly: “He’s been cut.”

We know what you’re thinking, what does this mean for Stemm?

(Video courtesy of YouTube/UFC)

Nothing groundbreaking this time around, but I’m starting to agree with Nick Diaz about how it’s strange that the UFC expects fighters to be cordial and play nice before an event.