(Urijah’s lowest moment as an MMA fan? One can only ponder…)

This weekend, the UFC will make its glorious return to the only network that can bash gay rights and advertise Glee within the same half hour. We’re talking about FOX, of course. Featuring Jim Miller vs. Nate Diaz in a probable number one lightweight contender bout, a grudge match between Josh Koscheck and Johny Hendricks (because every fight with Kos is inherently a grudge match), a fight that will more than likely require the use of a stretcher, and a heavyweight sure-to-be-slugfest between Pat Barry and Lavar Johnson, it’s looking like UFC on FOX 3 has the potential to erase the memories of a rather forgettable second event and a rather brief first one. Not that we were complaining, because free fights are free fights.

And to get us hyped for the event, Dana White recently released one of his patented Danavlogs in which he catches Urijah Faber ogling over himself while on the set of TUF 15. It makes TOTAL SENSE if you don’t think about it. We gotta admit though, watching The Baldfather giggle like a school girl at Urijah’s expense makes us long for the days of his shock pen pranks that we came to know and love. [*looks over shoulder nostalgically and sighs*] 

Check out the video after the jump. 

(Apparently Lesnar was the only one who wasn’t a fan of Anderson Silva’s nude pictorial.) 

Adhering to its usual formula and taking a look back at the locker room footage from the previous event, the newest edition of UFC President Dana White’s infamous vlog features an up close and personal look at the poor bastards who came up short at UFC on FUEL: Gustafsson vs. Silva. And Brian Stann. He’s simply too nice to not be around at all times.

After DW’s regular introduction, we are treated to the woeful words of Damacio Page, Damarques Johnson, and Thiago Silva, who all insist that they are “fine.” We know what that really means. But worse than “The Angel of Death,” worse even than “Darkness,” is the silent sorrow of Paulo Thiago, who stares on in disbelief when re-watching the final moments of his first round KO loss to Siyar Bahadurzada. Thiago has now lost three of his last four UFC contests, despite having the most badass day job of any UFC fighter ever. Chin up, Paulo, we know you’ll be back with a vengeance.

Check out the video after the jump. 

You know the deal by now, Potato Nation. Dana White’s first video blog for UFC 144 takes a look back at the aftermath of UFC 143, as has become the norm. So we’re going to skip the fancy introduction and get right into it.

(1:43) -  Matt Riddle has to be one of the nicest guys in the UFC, bar none. Talk about a guy that loves his job. And a metaphorical fist bump is due to Henry Martinez for putting on a hell of a fight on such short notice. DW states that he originally thought this match-up was “the worst mismatch in UFC History.” How quickly we all forgot Silva/Leites.

(2:36) - Poor Edwin Figueroa‘s testicles.

(2:44) - Apparently Bruce Leroy kicked Figueroa so hard in the balls that he forgot how many times he kicked Figueroa in the balls. Irony? Either way, we agree that a two point deduction seemed a little harsh. Then again, Caceres likely destroyed any of Figueroa’s future plans to have children, so we’ll call it even.

By now, you know the deal when it comes to Dana White’s videoblogs, and today’s “episode” is no different. Taking a behind-the-scenes look at the aftermath of the UFC’s second Fox event, the UFC 143 videoblog contains the familiar mix of upper and downer moments, with an emphasis on the downer. Especially tough to watch is Joey Beltran’s realization that his Zuffa career may have reached a temporary standstill in the wake of his first round KO loss to Lavar Johnson. Keep your chin up, “Mexicutioner.”

Let’s get right to the highlights.

(0:45) - Jon Jones, seen here for the last time before disappearing into a thicket of notes from which he has yet to emerge.

(1:22) – God damn it, will someone give Beltran a hug and tell him that everything is going to be alright?

(1:40) – Eric Wisely, still in awe of the calf-slicer Charles Oliveira was able to pull on him. The pain was apparently so incredible that Wisely has trouble explaining to the backstage physician where exactly the strain was.

(2:48) – Jon Jones explains how Cub Swanson is one of the “nastiest dudes” on Team Jackson. He makes a good point.

(Video courtesy of YouTube.com/UFC)

Dana White’s latest vlog walks us through the behind the scenes drama at yesterday’s weigh-ins. Before the action unfolds we get to tag along with the multimillionaire fight baron as he soars over the slums of Rio in a private helicopter. Poetry.

Things get interesting when Vitor Belfort checks in at the arena. Watching “The Phenom” gnaw away on a towel of crushed ice like a starved animal as he learns that “Rumble” is nowhere in the vicinity of 185lbs makes Johnson’s massive failure all the more unforgivable. Vitor had the option of stopping his cut and fighting at a catchweight, but ultimately chose the path of the professional and made the contracted weight. That 20% of Johnson’s purse probably didn’t hurt his decision.

Join us back here this evening as we kick off our Liveblog with the prelims on FX!

Now that we’ve all officially finished binge-eating/drinking our way through Christmas, our good pal DW is back and with a late gift of his own – the gift of heartbreak. In typical fashion, this week’s Danavlog focuses on the aftermath of UFC 140, giving us a behind the scenes look at the pre and post-fight moments of Tito Ortiz, Jon Jones, and perhaps most importantly, Krzystof Soszynski, who, after suffering a 35 second knockout at the hands of Igor Pokrajac, informs us that he has fought his last MMA contest. Whether he is just pulling a BJ Penn on us or is truly sincere about his decision remains to be seen, but if we really have witnessed the last of “The Polish Experiment,” we here at CP would just like to thank him for all the great fights and wish him the best of luck in his future endeavors.

Join us after the jump for the rest of the highlights.

Dana White’s video blogs, though sporadic, have taken an increasingly interesting turn in that they are now largely made up of post-fight footage from UFC events rather than the day-to-day extravagance that is “The Baldfather’s” life. As with his UFC 136 vlog, Dana gives us a brief introduction and wishes us a happy Halloween before throwing us behind the scenes of UFC 136 to witness the agony of defeat firsthand.

Particularly tough to watch is that of Melvin Guillard, who, after having his lightweight title aspirations choked out of him by Joe Lauzon, completely loses his shit backstage, throwing a chair across the room before breaking down on his hands and knees as the doctor’s try to attend to him. Even Joe Warren had to look away.

Join us after the jump for some other musings from this week’s vlog:

The latest Dana Vlog opens with a montage of the UFC kingpin battling his way through a torrent of media obligations stateside, including a cell phone convo in which he puts archenemy Bob Arum on blast. Once the final interview has been granted and the last F-bomb dropped, we see him jet off to Rio courtesy of some broke-ass “Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego” graphic.

While mingling with the segregated Brazilian and American camps, Dana makes a few weight inquiries which reveal that a disgruntled Forest Griffin was walking around at 216 lbs. one day removed from the official weigh-ins while Shogun was hovering just above the limit at 207 lbs. As for Middleweight challenger Yushin Okami, he was tipping the scales at a solid Thursday 89 kilos 196 lbs.

Full weigh-in results after the jump. And if you didn’t get to drop your predictions in our Fight Picking contest, you’ve still got time to tell the Nation how it’s all going down tonight!

Part of Dana White’s success is attributable to his ability to identify with the common man. Remember when your car broke down and you had to walk five miles to get to work? Dana feels you. Of course, in his case the car is actually a luxurious private jet, and he doesn’t have to walk because there’s a second private jet at his disposal waiting in the next hangar. Like they say- mo’ money, mo’ problems.

Dana’s second “UFC on Versus 5” vlog gives us an up close and personal view of yesterday’s weigh-ins, though thankfully the camera backs off when it’s time for Hardy to shed his skivvies. Give it a look and catch the tension in the Miller-O’Brien staredown, the bold donning of a pair of daisy dukes (is another ban about to drop?), and the cool excitement in Lytle’s smile as he heads into battle one last time.

Dana’s Video Blogs are often great for two reasons: you get to see some cool shit from just over his shoulder, and you get just a small hint of how much money he has. This final UFC 133 entry is no different.

Following the UFC 133 Press Conference, Dana takes your standard helicopter ride to Atlantic City, where he proceeds to “kick the shit out of Caesar’s Palace”. Judging by the fat stacks of cash in his hotel room, The Baldfather is rapidly approaching the point where he must weigh his money rather than count it. We also get a closer look at last night’s weigh-ins and learn that Ivan Menjivar knew that he wouldn’t be cutting any additional weight as soon as he stepped off the scales, opting for a fine instead. A tough weight cut is always something to consider for those of you looking to place any last minute bets.

Here’s your chance to get it on the record. Who is getting their hand raised tonight?

It’s largely business as usual for yesterday’s Dana vlog. We see Dana make good on his promise to treat MMA enthusiast/homicidal maniac-thwarter Joseph Lozito to a behind the scenes weekend at UFC 128. Yesterday’s weigh-ins may have been low on seething anger and hostility, but it’s always cool to catch the action up close and personal.

(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

Dana White’s latest UFC video blog is out, and it reveals the following:

- Somebody (not saying who) has already punched a hole into one of the walls on the TUF 13 set. Junior Dos Santos predicts Michael Bisping will defeat Jorge Rivera at UFC 127, and Jon Fitch will beat BJ Penn by decision. No surprises there.

- Brock Lesnar picks Jorge Rivera via ground-and-pound, but agrees that Jon Fitch will win by decision. (“Gotta stick with the wrassler,” he says.) Dana White sitting next to Brock Lesnar on a couch looks like a little bald child sitting next his big mean dad.

- Anthony Kiedis, my God. I’d like to take a time machine back to 1990 and confront a “Knock Me Down”-era Kiedis with footage that this is how he will look and carry himself when he’s 48 years old. Just the idea that he would be alive that long would probably freak him out, but one look at that mustache/pony-tail combo would send him into a tailspin of drug use and depression, possibly ending in suicide. Then, I would replace him as lead singer of the Red Hot Chili Peppers just in time for the band’s greatest period of commercial success. And that’s what I would do if I had a time machine.

(Video courtesy YouTube/UFC)

When I clicked on the latest episode of Dana White’s fight week video blogs, I was hoping to at least hear the UFC president mention the candid private conversation he had with Ben on Saturday afternoon about Arianny’s Playboy spread, but instead I was treated to the usual inside jokes and inane banter between The Baldfather and his homeboys.

For more on what Dana had to say to Ben (and trust me, you don’t want to miss it) tune into The Bum Rush Friday morning.

Let’s just say Dana makes Gus Johnson seem like a polite telemarketer.

(VidProps: YouTube/UFC)

One of the things the mainstream media loves to crow about Dana White is that he appeals to MMA fans because we view him as a “normal guy” who talks like we talk, dresses like we dress and isn’t afraid to speak his mind when the time comes. Of course, like a lot of things the mainstream media says about our sport, that’s total bullshit. There’s nothing “normal” about Dana White. Normal guys don’t take their kids to Rob Dyrdek’s Fantasy Factory for their birthdays, flit around on private planes or have sit downs with Mike Tyson.

In fact, one of the main reasons to like Dana White is that he’s not a normal guy. One of the reasons to like Big DW is that after the mainstream media told MMA fans to collectively go fuck themselves for, oh, about a decade Dana White smiled at them and basically said, “You’ll be begging me to be on your shows someday.” You know what? That cocky fucker was right, and it’s hard not to admire him for it. As evidence, witness DW’s new video blog, where he’s basically given the run of ESPN’s Bristol, Conn. “campus” for a day while he’s out promoting UFC 118.

(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

Good news: The Danavlog is back, baby. Bad news: It might be the worst one yet. Ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourself for a full seven minutes of Dana White busting the balls of Marty Cordova, who forgot his passport on the way to Canada. Seriously, the whole thing takes place in the cabin of their private jet, and that’s all that happens. Luckily, we can hit the pause button as soon as the bullying insult-routine becomes too grating; unfortunately, Dana’s employees can’t hit pause on their own lives. One of these days, Marty or that "Morzo" guy behind him is going to snap and tell Dana to go fuck himself, and Dana is going to be dumbfounded, and Lorenzo Fertitta will be cracking up, and through his laughter Lorenzo will ask Dana if he’s going to take that from an employee, and Dana will take his shock pen and shock Marty (or whoever) to death, and then he and Lorenzo will have to bury the body somewhere, and at that moment Lorenzo will realize that Dana can’t be controlled, even if he’s just a minority owner on paper, and no that’s not a subplot from Goodfellas, that’s a completely original scenario that I just made up, so suck it.

Semi-related: After a brief period of reconciliation, the UFC has indefinitely denied press credentials to Dana’s old rival, Sherdog.com. When asked by Josh Gross to explain the reason for the re-ban, Dana White responded, "none of your [expletive] business." 

(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

Gilbert Yvel’s UFC debut against Junior Dos Santos is only five days away, and Dana White is pumped. To introduce the infamous Dutch striker to any dumbass noobs who’ve never heard of him, DW brought his video-blog operation over to Modern Martial Arts to watch Yvel work out. The gym is run by John Lewis, Dana’s first (and only) jiu-jitsu instructor, who went 1-1 in the UFC about ten years ago. Lewis complains to Dana that all he ever sees on UFC Unleashed is him getting tooled by Jens Pulver. To make it up to him, Lewis’s nasty stoppage of Lowell Anderson at UFC 22 is at the end of this video blog. Anyway, Yvel looks to be in fine form, but Dos Santos can bang too, and if he can get Hurricane Yvel to the ground it might be a wrap, son.

After the jump: Paul Daley discusses his God-given ability to knock people out; he’ll be taking on submission prodigy Dustin Hazelett at #108.

The 10/20 edition of the Danavlog is full of bad omens. After getting a bullshit ticket from some douchebag traffic cop, DW and his crew stop by Cold Stone Creamery — not Pinkberry — and Dana winds up paying the price with a tummy ache. And the Cold Stone workers didn’t even sing to him! Can this day get any worse? WHAT HAS HE DONE TO OFFEND YOU, GOD?

As if he doesn’t have enough problems, Dana has an Esquire writer following him around for a profile. So obviously he’s going to try out the bomb bag again. It fails so incredibly hard. Seriously, listen to that barely audible pop at the 3:13 mark. "Something’s bursting," Mike says. Hilarious. Then, it’s time to play video games and air hockey at Dave & Buster’s. Are you getting all this, Esquire guy?

Finally, around the 5:40 mark, Cain Velasquez and Mauricio Rua show up, and it isn’t long before Dana bomb-bags them. Suck it, Bellator — this is how you harness the power of the Internet to promote fighters. Also, future Celebrity Rehab star Chuck Liddell shows up drunk and belligerent, and lifts Dana off the ground as he’s trying to give out some UFC 104 tickets. All in a day’s work, I guess, if you can legitimately call it that.

(Props: MMA Fanhouse)

Win or lose, you can always count on Mark Coleman to give up the emotions after a fight. Taking home his first win in over three years against Stephan Bonnar on Saturday, the Hammer was elated. In the video above, Coleman tells us that he can’t stand being called an old man, and guarantees he’ll be a factor in the UFC light-heavyweight division now that he’s changed his mindset and the way he trains. He also denies gassing out at UFC 100: "I always look tired, I’m playing possum…I was fresh, I got better as the fight went on." You can watch the fight here to see just how fresh he looked.

After a three-day delay, the UFC 99 fight-day installment of the Dana White Video Blog was finally uploaded to youtube.com/ufc, and the massive two-parter feels like any other classic double-album — sure, it would have been "better" if it were edited down to a single video, but then you wouldn’t get the scope of the Danavlog’s ambition. In the first, more boring half (shown above), Dana roams the streets of Cologne, taking a lot of pictures with fans and getting a taste of the Germans’ particular brand of crazy. (See: short-shorts guy at 0:04, crazy dog man at 1:10-1:28, and blue afro lady at 4:57.) He also spends time explaining how this whole UFC thing works to curious German camera crews, winding his way through an endless receiving line at the arena, and congratulating Stefan Struve, who’s still sore about that Dos Santos fight. Anyway, you don’t need to watch it unless you’re a Danavlog completist, but the backstage action picks up in part two…

(Props: youtube.com/ufc)

Recession? What fuckin’ recession? Even in this economy, Zuffa has enough disposable income to buy an almost 100% intact sabretooth tiger skull, freshly pulled out of La Brea. It’s so beautiful that you can tell the fossil salesman, deep down, would rather have it displayed in polished glass and soft lighting in his personal study, and not on a table in the UFC offices where Rampage can put his face up against it and make bad breath jokes. But that’s the life of a bone dealer — heartbreak, scattered with moments of unbearable ecstasy.

Also in this installment of the UFC 99 Danavlog, DW takes in Sunday’s WEC show (where some horrible drunk bitch keeps demanding one more picture), drools over Marty Cordoba‘s hot bod, and reviews the sick televised card for Saturday’s show. FYI, the pay-per-view for #99 starts at 3 p.m. ET / noon PT, with a replay at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT.

After the jump: Mike Swick beats the crap out of some focus mitts; he’ll take on Ben Saunders on the main card of UFC 99.

With "Evans vs. Machida" signaling the end of a five-week UFC drought, the anticipation and nervous energy runs high in this video-blog-recap of Wednesday and Thursday. President White is in good spirits, checking out the new, heavier version of the UFC championship belt, cruising around in the ultimate guidomobile, and torching some poor schmuck who had the misfortune of showing up in a paisley shirt. ("You and the Revolution have a good day. Say hi to Apollonia for me.") Later, he presses palms at Thursday’s press conference, and has a very cordial phone conversation with Chuck Liddell, who’s his usual lucid self. I hope you’re all re-hydrating, because it’s about to go down…

CageWriter brings us this video of UFC 97‘s headliners weighing in yesterday in Montreal. Anderson Silva established his dominance during the face-off, coming so close to Thales Leites that the challenger had to take a step backwards (3:45 mark); he’s lucky the Spider didn’t give him two for flinching. Don’t forget to come back to CagePotato.com tonight as we liveblog the action beginning at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT.

Below: Yesterday’s edition of Dana White’s video blog, in which DW finally loses his UFC Undisputed championship title to Georges St. Pierre ("I think there was Vaseline on the controller"), hangs some more with his Army vet buddy, and gives his fighters the traditional F-bomb-laced pep talk.

We’ve already told you that Dana White will be giving the video blogs a rest after that faggot-thing blew up in his face (no homo), and now there’s this new video that basically confirms it…OR DOES IT?!? Give it a look, and get ready for the most stunning shock ending since The Happening. (Are you fucking serious? The trees did it?) Basically, Dana White is the new Lenny Bruce now, or something. It is he who is persecuted. Props for the Bob Dylan-reference, I guess.

Below: Street-gays respond to Dana White’s recent hate-speech. We had no idea Greg Jackson was gay, but there he is, on the left, at the 1:14 mark. Audio very NSFW. +1 for the cameo by the HotForWords chick @ 0:39.

(Props: RicoRado)