Let me get this straight: You come to me empty-handed, and you want my help?

Earlier this year, we passed along a rather disturbing story regarding former UFC fighter and HDNet commentator, Frank Trigg. For those of you who don’t remember: In October 2011, Trigg allegedly choked his wife unconscious in front of their children. TheDirty.com posted a graphic picture of his wife’s throat following the incident, and one affair with a twenty-three year old assistant producer later, Trigg was out of work with HDNet.

Today, ProMMANow.com is reporting that Trigg was arrested yesterday on charges of battery over the incident. He’s currently being held at the Clark County Detention Center in Las Vegas on a $15,000 bond, and will be appearing in court tomorrow.

I’m not a lawyer, and I realize you’re innocent until proven guilty, but I’m not liking Trigg’s odds of (ahem) beating this case.

(Say, that reminds me of a joke: What’s bloodshot, greasy, and smells like cologne?)

According to a new report from MMAJunkie, the Las Vegas District Attorney’s office has decided not to file domestic violence charges against veteran UFC ring girl Arianny Celeste. “After our review of the case, we found that there was insufficient evidence to move forward,” said Tess Driver, executive assistant to Las Vegas district attorney Steve Wolfson.

After being arrested on May 26th following an altercation at the Wynn hotel in Las Vegas — and spending the entire day in jail — Celeste claimed that she was simply defending herself when her boyfriend Praveen Chandra choked her twice; Chandra denied Arianny’s version of the events, and claimed that Celeste kicked him in the nose in a limousine. But then you look at their mugshots and all you see is two tired people who should have left the club at midnight, instead of partying to the point of going “crayyyy ha hey bay bayyy.” With no visible injuries to speak of, it seems the Las Vegas authorities decided to just chalk this one up to drunk people acting stupid, or stupid people getting drunk, or both, whatever.

Requests for comment have not been answered by Chandra. Seriously, we found his e-mail address online a few weeks ago and sent him a note about this whole mess, but nothing. WE WILL NOT BE IGNORED, PRAVEEN.

(Yeah, I think he’ll fit right in.)

Today in Las Vegas, boxing superstar Floyd Mayweather Jr. finally went to jail for some shit he did two years ago. After being sentenced in December for beating the hell out of his ex-girlfriend then threatening her and their sons with further violence if they called the police, and then being allowed to remain a free man through May so he could make $32 million fighting Miguel Cotto — good lookin’ out, justice system! — Mayweather was scheduled to surrender before a Las Vegas judge today to start his 87-day jail term. Huffington Post passes along some details about his upcoming summer in the pokey:

Floyd Mayweather Jr. may be one of the richest prizefighters ever. But the unbeaten five-division champion who goes by the nickname “Money” is about to trade life in a posh five-bedroom Las Vegas home for almost three months in a cell about one-third the size of a small boxing ring…

As a high-profile inmate, police say Mayweather, 35, probably will serve most of his time in a small solo cell. There is floor space for sit-ups and push-ups. But Mayweather’s stint in the high-rise Clark County Detention Center is expected to limit his ability to train for another fight.

At least for the first week, Mayweather will be segregated for his protection from the other 3,200 inmates in the downtown Las Vegas facility, police Officer Bill Cassell said this week…

(Don’t know what you got, ’till it’s gone…) 

The ongoing trials and tribulations of Arianny Celeste are really beginning to pull at our heartstrings, you guys. When word first broke of her dust up with her unexpectedly average looking boyfriend last Saturday night, we didn’t know whether or not Tiki was somehow to blame for this injustice, or even how it was possible that anyone could DO THIS TO THE POOR GIRL in the first place. All we knew is that we sincerely missed her during the first half of the UFC 146 main card. Brittney is beautiful and all (seriously, she’s freakin’ gorgeous), but we’ve just never been big fans of monogamy.

When we were treated to the long-time ring girl’s mugshot and arrest details shortly thereafter, it appeared as if Ms. Celeste was responsible for starting the fight, and her oddly phrased tweets that came just hours before the incident transpired surely didn’t help her case.

Well, our girl Arianny is not just going to lay back and let the penal system have its way with her…

(“Okay, maybe she didn’t actually hit me, but she was clearly trying to hurt my feelings.”)

Sorry for being late to the party on this one, but as you might have heard by now, UFC ring girl Arianny Celeste — real name Annie Schwartz-Wasserstein* — was arrested early Saturday morning and charged with “battery (domestic violence).” She was taken into custody by the Clarke County Police Department at 7:30 a.m., and later released on $3,000 bond before showing up halfway through the UFC 146 main card.

Your first assumption will probably be, “Whoa, she beat up Tiki?” But until more details surface, we can only speculate. (I mean, theoretically, she could have also choked a live-in personal assistant, right?) MMAJunkie passes along Arianny’s last few tweets before her arrest, which suggest she was on a collision course with disaster/hilarity:

Near midnight, she posted a photo of her herself in evening attire sitting at a table, with a caption that read: “Dinner at Mizumi,” referring to a new restaurant at the Wynn Las Vegas. A few hours later, she tweeted another photo of herself with a male companion who was kissing the side of her face, with a caption: “??! forever n always??” An additional tweet came around 3:30 a.m. with her making a crazy look and the caption: “I be going crayyyy ha hey bay bayyy.”

We’ll update you as soon as we know more. For the record, Dana White stated on Saturday night that the UFC has Celeste’s back and supports her 100%.

Related: Arianny Celeste Is Wonderfully Topless in FHM Philippines’ May 2012 Issue

* Not really.

(“This? Oh, this isn’t assault; it’s a show of affection where I come from.”)

In spite of the fact that a jury trial date been set for former Strikeforce heavyweight Brett Rogers for 8:30 a.m. on September 13 in Dakota County District Court where he will answer to charges of beating his wife in front of their two children, it’s possible that the case could be settled next month.

(Click mugshots for larger versions.)

The losing streak continues for Strikeforce heavyweight Brett Rogers. Less than two weeks after being choked out by Josh Barnett at “Overeem vs. Werdum”, the Grim was arrested yesterday for allegedly beating the crap out of his wife in front of their daughter. MyFoxTwinCities.com (via CagePotato reader Jerry T.) has the report…

DAKOTA COUNTY, Minn. – Major-league Mixed Martial Artist and Apple Valley, Minn. resident Brett Rogers was arrested and jailed in connection with assaulting his wife Wednesday in their south metro home. She was reportedly strangled, punched repeatedly in the head and face and lost a tooth in the struggle.

Brett Charles Rogers, 30, has been charged with assault in the third degree, domestic assault by strangulation and pattern of stalking conduct — all felonies — in Dakota County. He was also charged with endangerment of a child, a gross misdameanor.

(Erin Toughill, limbering up before a pill-induced rage.)

In a development that will set female American Gladiators back ten years, MMA fighter Erin Toughill — who will be appearing alongside Gina “Crush” Carano in the next season of the spandex-and-ball-cannon freak show — was slapped with a restraining order last week by her husband Clark Bevans, who also happens to be an MMA fighter. As TMZ reports:

[Bevans] claims Toughill went “insane” with jealously, and accused him of being “a pedophile, sociopath and homosexual.” Aside from allegedly beating him on several occasions, Bevans claims Toughill smashed the windshield of his RV. He also says Toughill “bodychecked, hockey style” a trainer at Gold’s Gym he had dated years before. … Bevans has filed for annulment. As for the restraining order, it was granted.

Sadly, that description only scratches the surface. Combing through the criminal report reveals the most amazingly batshit craziest bits. For example:

— “Over a twelve month period, during and after our marriage, Respondent obtained over nineteen (19) prescriptions for NORCO, a narcotic similar to “Oxycontin.”

— “We both came clean about dating other people during our separation…lmmediately after the “coming clean” session, Respondent went insane that I had dated others, despite the fact that she slept with two of my best friends and is currently engaged to a fellow marine friend of mine. Since then, Respondent tapped into my cell phone and has harassed, stalked and threatened most of the people that she found in my text messages (women). Said parties include my attorney, my hairdresser, my manager, various employees, a restaurant owner and her daughter and even the janitor at Gold’s Gym. She has even gone around and accused me of sleeping with my friend Andrew.”

— “On April 4, 2008…Respondent arrived at Shear Talent Hair Salon, barged in at 10:15 a.m. and yelled ‘Who’s Shelley Smith?’. Ms. Smith is my hairdresser. l had not seen her in over a year. A couple of days prior, via text message only, we confirmed a haircut appointment for me at 11:00 a.m. for the 4th. Respondent then yelled out – ‘Great, just wanted to see the bitch that was fucking my husband while we were married.’ [ed. note: LOFLZ!] When I arrived and learned all of this from Ms. Smith and others in the salon who were shaken up, I realized that once again, Respondent is accessing my T-Mobil account.”

Wait, it gets better…