(Fact: Don Frye charged each of these women a ZJ for this photo.)

For all the “creative” insults and red-blooded rants Chael Sonnen is able to come up with out of the blue, he will never hold a candle to the crass, old timey anecdotes of Don Frye. The man has more bravado than a Sherman tank full of other Sherman tanks, more wisdom than a Tibetan monk achieving Buddhahood, and would fight his own mother in your basement for a shot of Jack Daniels if you asked him correctly. He makes the Brawny man look like a metrosexual, and orders grilled bison when your mother takes him to that hip new Vegan restaurant in town. Matter of fact, Frye’s masculinity has grown so powerful that it even manifested itself in the greatest television character of all time: Ron fucking Swanson.

So you wouldn’t be surprised to learn that, during a recent interview with Sherdog’s “Savage Dog Show,” Frye was unrelenting in his mockery of everyone from Dana White to Brock Lesnar, unleashing a hellstorm of one liners that will surely make you feel like less of a man for not even having the gonads to dream them up.

First, let’s start with Frye’s assessment of the current UFC fighter pay scale:

Oh my God, it’s a crime. It’s a crime. You see some of these guys only getting two or three or six thousand dollars and you’ve got Dana bragging about having 30 Ferraris. Come on. You have a sponsor and he charges a sponsor what, a hundred and fifty grand to have your stuff on the fighter? That’s money he’s stealing from the fighter. Then he goes and he pays them two or three thousand dollars. That’s crazy.

Join us after the jump for more from the interview. Don’t worry, it only gets better.

(Props: sitthongsai via CP reader Andrew W.)

On Sunday, 46-year-old MMA old-schooler Don Frye competed at a Gladiator Challenge event in Lincoln, California, making his first cage appearance since a one-minute TKO loss to Dave Herman in 2009. This one lasted a little longer, but ended the same way, with Don eating punches until he fell over. Poor Don.

Frye was originally supposed to face Mike Gonzales, but ended up throwing leather with journeyman Ruben “Warpath” Villareal; Frye and Warpath had previously fought to a draw at a King of the Cage event back in 2006. Villareal didn’t leave it to the judges this time, KO’ing Frye about two-and-a-half minutes into the fight. The win snapped a five-fight losing streak for Warpath, and earned him the Gladiator Challenge light-heavyweight title.

Once again, our boy ZombieProphet over at IronForgesIron has come through with an awesome bit off MMA related goodness to help your work day along. Today, we have the musings of Mustache King, life advice expert, and former UFC fighter Don Frye from yesterday’s Halloween themed episode of Inside MMA.

Donning the most appropriate Halloween costume imaginable in Magnum P.I., Frye provided us with more gems in a minute than most of us can come up with in a lifetime:

(You can make fun of your opponent’s voice, and you can trash his fighting style. But mock a man’s sideburns, and you’re asking for the worst beating of your life.)

Start sharpening your razors, folks: We’re just eight days away from the official start of Movember! To help get you in the moustache-growing spirit, we’ve put together a photo gallery of our favorite facial hair arrangements in MMA history, which you can check out after the jump.

It’s good to be back.

After days of anticipation, Ask the Potato is finally back and as credible as ever. The deepest thinkers among us have emerged with a series of questions- some of which even came in the form of complete sentences, with question marks and everything. The rest of you? Well, you at least tried to have a coherent thought, right? And even though the thought doesn’t count, you’re still special to us. So, without further delay, the triumphant return of Ask the Potato awaits after the jump.

CagePotatos Cage Cameo Contest – Watch MoreFunny Videos

We had several entries in what was likely our toughest contest to date. As always, you guys showed that you’re passionate fans of our site and the sport — either that or you just like free stuff.

Anyway,  before we get into announcing who the winner is, here are the official correct answers:

1. Don Frye in “Big Stan” (2007)

2. Acclaimed coach Shawn Tompkins (hitting the bag), Frank “Johnny Cage” Colcher and Trevor “Hollywood” Harris (both sparring in ring) in “Sons of Anarchy” (2010)

3. UFC 1 tooth loser Teila Tuli AKA Taylor Wily in “Forgetting “Sarah Marshall” (2008)

4. Maurice Smith (the fatherless bastard) in “Miami Connection” (1987)

5. Cage Potato reporter molester Quinton “Rampage” Jackson in “The Midnight Meat Train” (2008)

6. UFC founder Rorian Gracie (Mexican restaurant maitre d’) in “Hart to Hart” 1983

7. Cunning linguist Tito Ortiz in “The Crow: Wicked Prayer” (2005)

8. Rapist and murderer Joe Son (fighting Bolo Yeung) and Mike Bernardo (cornerman shouting encouragement to Yeung) in Shootfighter 2 (1996)

9. MMA legend and all around good guy (unless you accost his wife in a bar) Bas Rutten  in Zookeeper (2011)

10. MMA trainer extraordinaire Steven Seagal, Randy Couture (answers door and gets KO’d by Seagal) and Karo Parisyan (thug number two that Seagal KOs) in “Today You Die” (2005)

11. UFC Hall-of-Famer Ken Shamrock in “That 70′s Show” (1999)

12. Raving lunatic Harold Howard (wild-eyed murderous gladiator) in “Gladiator Cop” (1995)

13. Rickson Gracie in “The Incredible Hulk” (2008)

14.Stephen Quadros (dude with the animated facial expressions) in “Demon Wind” (1990)

15. Patrick Smith’s first UFC 2 victim Ray Wizard (gang leader) in “The Master” AKA “Long Xing Tian Xia” (1992)

16. Joe Rogan in “Zookeeper” (2011

17. Chuck Liddell (Boy Scout catching orange) in “The Postman Always Rings Twice” (1981)

(The sad part is, they both think they’re the cute one.)

Some selected highlights from our friends around the MMA blogosphere. E-mail feedback@cagepotato.com for details on how your site can join the MMA Link Club…

- UFC 129 Moved Up One Hour to 9 p.m. ET; Change to All PPV Start Times Being Considered (MMA Fighting)

- Exclusive Interview With UFC Fight Night 24′s Phil ‘Mr. Wonderful’ Davis (BleacherReport.com/MMA)

- Chad Ochocinco Continues to Call Out Anderson Silva (Versus MMA Beat)

- Strikeforce ‘Feijao vs. Henderson’ Ratings Down 44% From ‘Fedor vs. Silva’, Bellator Delivers Target Demos In MTV2 Debut (MMA Convert)

- A Memo to Strikeforce: Fighters Need To Fight (Five Ounces of Pain)

- UFC Inks Four-Year Broadcast Deal with Rogers Sportsnet in Canada (5thRound)

- Brendan Schaub: I’m Two Fights Away From a Title Shot (LowKick)

- Don Frye and Shark Fights Have Parted Ways (MiddleEasy)

- Watch the Wrestling Chops of this 8-Year-Old and Hope the Parents are Enrolling Him in MMA in the Near Future (MMA-Scraps)

- FIGHT! Ranking: Hendo Is #2, M-1 Global Champs Hold Ground, Bellator Welterweights Pick Each Other Off (FightMagazine)

(Video courtesy YouTube/UFC.com)

- KahLOne presents: Legend of Dragon and Tiger (thegarv)

– 7 celebrity TSA body scans (holytaco)

– Penn changing things up with new coaches for UFC 123 (mmafighting)

– What her Facebook photos say about her (mademan)

– Joe Lauzon seems really concerned about Sotiropoulos’ legwear (fightersonly)

– New Green Hornet trailer busts out Kato-Vision (screenjunkies)

– Like Velasquez, Swick won’t commit to picking Koscheck to beat GSP (Tatame)

– Martha Higareda gallery (tuvez)

– Yankees to offer Jeter more than fair (scoresreport)

– Forrest Griffin & Michigan football (youtube)

– Don Frye calls Brock an embarrassment (hurtsbad)

– Machida’s brother weighs in on Rampage match-up (gustavoblat)

– Yesterday’s episode of MMA Live (espn)

(Images courtesy of Esther Lin/Shark Fights, Victory Belt)

Thanks to everybody who entered this week’s caption contest — even those of you who referred to "General Custer" as "General Custard." After sifting through 280 of your entries, we’ve pulled out the two that we think are most worthy of winning a signed copy of Jackson’s Mixed Martial Arts: The Ground Game, in stores now. As usual, there are a bunch of captions that were almost good enough. Let’s take a look at those first… 

A year after the release of their essential MMA striking-and-strategy manual The Stand Up Game, Greg Jackson and Kelly Crigger have teamed up again for Jackson’s Mixed Martial Arts: The Ground Game, a brand-new primer on ground fighting that was released on Friday. The book breaks down all the common grappling positions found in MMA (as well as Greg’s own cage-proven variations), helpfully illustrated with full-color photos, and even includes a section on nutrition contributed by P.R. Cole.  You can currently purchase the book for the bargain price of $23.07 on Amazon — or, you can win one of the two signed copies we have in our possession. You’re damn right it’s time for a caption contest.

After the jump, you’ll find a photo of Shark Fights off-color-man Don Frye sampling some of Amarillo’s local flavor. Come up with a clever caption and post it in the comments section below by Thursday morning at 8 a.m. ET. We’ll choose our two favorites and post the winners later that day. Good luck, folks. And thanks to Victory Belt for making this possible!

(Alexander vs. Sokoudjou, where it appears the referee briefly considers letting Soko get beaten to death before finally stepping in to stop the fight. VidProps: ZombieProphetMMA)

Early reviews of last night’s Shark Fights 13 broadcast seem mostly positive, after Trevor Prangley, Houston Alexander and Paul Daley all notched wins. Also, “broadcasters” Don Frye and Bas Rutten said a bunch of crazy stuff live on pay-per-view. Especially Frye, who — after claiming that he threatened Shark Fights promoters with death if they didn’t put him on the show — reportedly dropped at least one F-bomb, made jokes about beating his wife and then compared the whole thing to an extended session of violent and satisfying coitus.

Basically, it was the kind of performance that, in any other sport, would cause a major scandal, Frye’s immediate firing and the issuing of a vague and halfhearted apology on Sunday morning. In independent MMA, it’s just par for the course.

"That was like two hours of hard, rough sex,” Frye reportedly said to close out the PPV. “I need a shot of tequila and a cigarette now."

C’mon Don, like you weren’t doing shots of tequila the whole time.

(We know that expression. Looks like somebody needs a James Toney upset to hit their $42,500 parlay bet. Check out more exclusive photos at FightMagazine.com’s UFC 118 photo gallery.)

Some selected highlights from our friends around the MMA blogosphere. E-mail feedback@cagepotato.com for details on how your site can join the MMA Link Club…

– After Perfect Performance at UFC 118, More Tests Await Edgar (Versus MMA Beat)

– Kenny Florian Says Dana White Is ‘Dead Wrong’ About Him ‘Choking In Big Fights’ (MMA Convert)

- Wanderlei Silva Recovering, Hoping for February Return vs. Leben or Belfort (MMA Fighting)

– Roger Huerta vs. Eddie Alvarez set for non-title fight at Bellator 33 (Heavy.com/MMA)

– Mark "The Smashing Machine" Kerr now sells cars in Scottsdale, Arizona. (MiddleEasy)

– Fan Opinon: Top 10 Personalities in MMA (LowKick)

– Tito Ortiz and Shaquille O’Neal face off at the UFC Fan Expo in Boston (Watch Kalib Run)

– Brett Rogers to Return Against Ruben "Warpath" Villareal Next Month in Halifax (Five Ounces of Pain)

– If Don Frye Says You Should Watch Shark Fights, You Should (MMA Scraps)

(UFC 9, "Motor City Madness," 5/17/96)

Just for the hell of it, join us as we jump in our MMA time machine and travel back to an era when gloves (and wrestling shoes) were optional in the UFC, and grabbing everything from the fence to the shorts and knee pads of your opponent was hardly even discouraged, much less outlawed. This was an exciting showdown between UFC 8 tournament winner Don Frye and Amaury Bitetti, the self-proclaimed “jiu-jitsu fighter of the world.”

Things that are awesome in this video, in chronological order:

1:45: A fresh-faced young Frye clearly reads off a script as he explains that he’s returning to defend his title, adding (after looking off-screen at a cue card), “There can be only one.”

2:35: Bitetti, who at 5’9” and 185 pounds would be a middleweight by today’s standards, is introduced as having a record of 150-1.

(Wait a minute, Brian Bowles was hanging out with Don Frye last night? I hope it’s not too late to change my FightPicker bet, because there’s no way Bowles wasn’t hung over and short one kidney this morning. Photo courtesy of the WEC 47: After the Weigh Ins gallery on CombatLifestyle.com.)

WEC 47 kicks off on Versus at 10 p.m. ET, featuring the bantamweight title fight between Brian Bowles and Dominick Cruz, plus Miguel Torres vs. Joseph Benavidez and Jens Pulver vs. Javier Vazquez. Follow us on Twitter tonight for updates, and let us know how you’re feelin’ in the comment thread below. Okay? Let’s have some fun tonight…

(Skip to the 3:15 mark to hear Coleman’s thoughts on the rule changes in MMA that forced him to "learn a lot of other skills.")

Those of you who became MMA fans somewhere between "Iron Ring" and “Bully Beatdown” might not realize this, but there was a time when Mark Coleman was a holy terror as a fighter. We know, he didn’t look like it against Randy Couture at UFC 109, but give the guy a break. He’s 45 years-old and has been using his body (and sometimes his head) as a weapon to hurt other men since 1996. That stuff is bound to take a toll on you, which is why Couture is the exception and not the rule.

After his loss on Saturday night it now seems like Coleman is done, or at least done in the UFC.  At the very real risk of eulogizing Coleman’s career too soon, as we did with Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic’s – Christ, doesn’t anyone quit this sport when they should? – we’d like to pay tribute to the monster Coleman used to be by looking back at some of his finest MMA moments.

(Props: SinisterGi.com)

Remember when Toby Imada pulled off that awesome inverted triangle choke in the Bellator tournament last year?  Of course you do.  Your brain isn’t so clogged with Snickers bars and "Golden Girls" reruns that you could go and forget a thing like that.  It was by far the best submission of the year.  Now that we’ve moved on to a new year and Imada no longer has to worry about all you jokers biting his style, he’s going to go ahead and show you how it’s done.  Forget about Blanche and Sophia and the gang for just a few minutes and pay attention.

After the jump, check out round two of Matt Serra‘s video blog, and listen as Don Frye shares a very special memory from the Pride days, just for the hell of it.

(Goodridge vs. Frye, Pride Shockwave, 12/31/03)

So you watched Gary Goodridge’s poor showing against Gegard Mousasi on New Year’s Eve and thought to yourself, why do they keep bringing this guy back?  The answer is a) he’ll fight just about anybody with a few hours notice, and b) there was a time when he thrilled the Japanese fans with his standing and banging.  His final fight in Pride against legendary hard-ass and recent retiree Don Frye was just one such time. 

It was only six years ago, and yet it feels like another lifetime.  All those young bucks who felt like they were on top of the world with their New Year’s Eve victories at Dynamite!! might want to take note.  The good times are good, but they do not last.

("Waaaaaaaaahhhhh!")

Judging from his TUF 10 wins over Mike Wessel and Darrill Schoonover, and subsequent losses to Brendan Schaub and Matt Mitrione, Marcus "Big Baby Darkness" Jones looked like he was halfway to being a serious heavyweight threat. He had the size, power, and ground game, but his boxing skills and chin left a lot to be desired. Despite his late start in MMA, we figured Jones would return to American Top Team, shore up his striking, and return stronger than ever — especially since he always seemed very passionate about the sport. But according to Around the Octagon, there’s been a change of plans:

(No Don, there is not going to be free tequila at this film festival. And no, we are not shitting you about that.)

There are two types of old school MMA legends: the ones who will gladly tell you how much better the sport and its athletes are now than they were ten years ago, and the ones who will insist that the fighters of today are all a bunch of gutless pussies. Don Frye is in the latter camp. He frequently says that he doesn’t watch the UFC or even follow the sport in general with much interest, and yet he also seems certain that the kids these days are a bunch of punks who spend more time styling their hair than beating people up. It’s sort of like how your grandfather can manage to hate gays and people of other ethnicities despite not personally knowing anyone from either demographic. Some gifts just come with age.

But now the UFC may have finally put together a fight that interests Frye. Talking with The Rumble this week, “The Predator” admitted that even he can’t pass up the chance to see Mark Coleman and Randy Couture go at it in the main event of UFC 109:

"This might be the first UFC I buy and actually watch in about 10 years, you know?" Frye said. "These two guys, it’s going to be one hell of a barnburner. They’re going to show these new guys how to fight."

(Murilo "Ninja" Rua wrecks Alex "The Brazilian Killa" Stiebling in 39 seconds. Fight starts at the 0:22 mark. Props to TheGarv. More videos to come…)

BITETTI COMBAT: NORDESTE 4 (9/12; Rio de Janeiro, Brazil)
– Ricardo Arona def. Marvin Eastman via unanimous decision
– Paulo Filho def. Alex Schoenauer via unanimous decision
– Pedro Rizzo def. Jeff Monson via unanimous decision
– Murilo “Ninja” Rua def. Alex Stiebling via KO, 0:39 of round 1
– Milton Viera def. Luciano Azavedo via split decision
– Fabio Maldonado def. Vitor Miranda via unanimous decision
– Glover Texeira def. Leonardo Nascimento via submission (guillotine choke), 3:18 of round 1
– Luis Dutra Jr. def. Henrique Nogueira via TKO, round 1
– Cassiano Tytschyo def. Fausto Black via submission (guillotine choke), round 1
– Alexandre Pimentel def. Luciano “Izzy” Correa via unanimous decision

(Don Frye doesn’t offer mustache rides. He merely takes applications and approves or denies them based on merit, need, and whether or not you are a gross fat chick.)

As much as we’ve been enjoying all the back and forth about who will and who won’t fight Fedor next weekend, it just seemed as though it hadn’t gotten quite absurd enough yet.  And then Don Frye chimed in:

"If Tom (Atencio) was smart, he’d have me fighting Fedor instead of whoever he’s hiring on a one week notice.  My phone works if he wants a real fight with someone who sell a fight in four days, somebody who will beat that bald-headed commie too. …He ain’t seen anything I have to offer.  He built his whole reputation (as a) waffle house chef. They’ve been serving him up ham and eggs with a side of canned tomatoes. I’ll bring it. And if he can bring it, you’ll have the best fight you’ve ever seen on the planet."

I’m sorry, bald-headed commie?  Waffle house chef?  Best fight you’ve ever seen on the planet?  And that’s just off the top of his head, people.  Imagine what he could do with a week to prepare some material and really build momentum.

(You know, Cub, in bull riding this would have been considered a victory. Photo courtesy of Newsday.)

— According to an interview on intheguard.tv, WEC featherweight/human highlight-reel Jose Aldo says he’ll be getting a much-deserved shot at Mike Brown‘s belt at WEC 45 (November 11th, location TBA). Aldo has racked up five consecutive TKO/KO victories during his stint in the WEC, most recently slicing Cub Swanson’s head wide open in 8 seconds at WEC 41 last month. Brown made his second successful title-defense at the same event, out-pointing Urijah Faber in a classic five-rounder to pick up his tenth straight win. 

— With Strikeforce middleweight champ Cung Le out of action due to a blossoming acting career, Scott Coker has announced that Jake Shields will fight for the organization’s interim middleweight title in October; the exact date, location, and Shields’s opponent will all be announced later. Shields has long been known as one of the best welterweights in the world, but his first-round choke-out of Robbie Lawler last month proved that he could be very competitive at a higher weight. Plus, his homey’s already got the welterweight division on lock…

(Props: Fightlinker)

At long last, we present the video of Wednesday’s grappling exhibition between Fedor Emelianenko and Shinya Aoki at DEEP/M-1 Challenge 3rd Edition. As you’ll see, the whole thing was really just a good-natured joke, with both fighters putting on a display that was more slapstick than combat. (But man do Emelianenko’s throws look smooth when they’re done with a 160-pound training dummy.) Fun stuff. Now let’s see the UFC do this with Lesnar and Penn…

("And that’s for Pearl Harbor, you son of a bitch!" Photo courtesy of thepredatordonfrye.com.)

MMA legend/advice guru Don Frye (19-7-1), who has been representing American masculinity in no-holds-barred matches since UFC 8 in February ’96, God bless him, has just booked his next fight. According to FiveOuncesofPain, the Predator will be competing two weeks from tomorrow at Shark Fight IV in Lubbock, Texas, against Rich Moss. Moss (7-2) is a former Judo champion who once defeated TUF 9 hopeful Ray Elbe — which remains his only win over a fighter with a winning record. He’s also a middleweight, and we all know Don doesn’t give a damn about a middleweight.

Frye has the size advantage, though that didn’t help him in his most recent fight against noted fatty-hunter Ikuhisa "Minowaman" Minowa, at a DEEP show last August. Still, Frye has won three of his last five matches, so maybe the old bastard still has some spark left in him. The complete Shark Fight IV card looks like this:

Don Frye vs. Rich Moss
Rex Richards vs. Darill Schoonover
Shannon Ritch vs. TJ Wallburger
Jesse Taylor vs. Eric Davilla
Wayne Cole vs. Marcus Sursa
Phil Cardella vs. Johnny Flores
Louis Luna vs Douglas Frey
Brandi Hainey vs. Jessica Miramontes
Aaron Garcia va. Elmar Muller

Bonus "Dear Don" brilliance after the jump…

As The Fight Nerd reminds us, this weekend marks one year since the MMAbortion known as YAMMA Pit Fighting was forced upon the world.  In honor of this YAMMAversary, our nerdy friend has dug up some promo material that never saw the light of day.  Remember when Don Frye was originally scheduled to take on Oleg Taktarov in the "Master’s Division" (read: old guys), and then had to pull out with an injury?  It proved to be Frye’s smartest career move, but fortunately for us he had time to film some promos for YAMMA first. 

Say what you will about "The Predator," but he is the master of totally sweet burns that sound like something you’d hear down at the hardware store.  Plus, his delivery is second to none.  Today’s fighters just don’t compare their opponents’ heads to a "five-gallon bucket full of buttholes" quite the way Don used to.

After the jump, relive the awful shitshow that was YAMMA, and then be glad that it went away forever.

(Up next: a real fight, or a shameless hype match?)

What do you do if you’re Pro Elite and you want to distract people from the bad news regarding event cancellations and concerns that you’re on the verge of going under? You find a way to get Kimbo Slice back in the news. That may be why Elite XC is planning to announce Slice’s opponent for the October 4 event on CBS some time at the end of this week or early next week.

Eite XC representatives supposedly said that the organization is considering three possible opponents for Slice, two of which are “big names” within MMA circles. Since Brett Rogers is probably not considered a big name to anyone other than hardcore fans who want to see him test Slice, it’s fair to assume that the other two names belong to older, past-their-prime fighters.

Ken Shamrock has been rumored as a possible opponent for Kimbo, as has Don Frye. We’d like to dismiss that as idle chatter, if only it didn’t sound so much like something Elite XC would do. Brett Rogers has very cleverly put Elite XC in a position where they almost have to give him Kimbo, or at least they have to if they want to have a chance at Kimbo being taken seriously as a fighter on the rise.

Since that seems low on their list of priorities, the only thing stopping them from tossing an aged and battered Shamrock in there is probably availability and/or price. Fortunately for MMA fans, that may be enough to make the Slice-Rogers fight happen.

In other Pro Elite-related news, the brief stock price explosion is now over. The stock fell from $8.00 to $2.75 on Monday, still a small improvement from the $2.50 mark where it jumped up from on Friday. Hope you sold your shares when you had the chance. And by shares we mean that old Camaro that’s on blocks in your front lawn. And by sold we mean had it towed away before those raccoons made it into a permanent home.

Pro fighter/bikini model Michelle “The Karate Hottie” Watterson will make her EliteXC debut on the untelevised undercard of their September 20th Showtime broadcast. You can get to know her better by watching this video of her posing in bikinis and doing high kicks; thanks, Fightlinker.

Sometimes the most badass guys are the ones you’d least expect — for example, the short, skinny, possibly Hispanic man in the above video with the insane fu-manchu mustache. Who knew he’d have that kind of upkicking prowess? (See the 2:28 mark). By the way, if anybody can figure out what he’s saying at 1:18, 1:23, 1:27, and 1:32, please let us know. Bas Rutten, you’ve just been served. Mad props to our buds at Holy Taco.

Here’s a clip from the Rob Schneider comedy Big Stan featuring Don Frye, Bob Sapp, and Randy Couture. If we remember Couture for nothing else, let’s remember him for the line he delivers at 3:28. Props to “Card” on the UG.

Bonus awesomeness after the jump…

(LOFL!)

— Brock Lesnar has brought in seven-time BJJ world champion Rodrigo “Comprido” Medeiros to help out with his ground game in preparation for his match against Heath Herring at UFC 87 (August 9th, Minneapolis). Lesnar by flying cockswordplata?

— UFC: Silva vs. Irvin is now officially listed on UFC.com’s events page, while UFC 88 (September 6th, Atlanta) has been dubbed “Breakthrough”; no matches are listed yet other than the Liddell/Evans headliner.

— Fightline.com reports that Jared Shaw has confirmed Kimbo Slice and Brett Rogers will fight in October. The fight will “more than likely” take place on CBS. A Nick Diaz/KJ Noons match is being discussed as a co-main event for the same card.

— Affliction: Banned will feature a performance by Megadeth (!), who will be rockin’ out at key points throughout the event. Hopefully that means they’ll be playing the end of “Peace Sells” during Fedor’s ring entrance, and then “Killing Is My Business” during the main event fight itself.

— A “Japan and South Korea friendship event” called Kakutougi Taikai GLADIATOR has been scheduled for August 16th in Okayama, Japan, featuring a headlining bout between crusty American legend Don Frye and Japanese middleweight Ikuhisa “The Punk” Minowa, aka “Minowaman.” Minowa is no stranger to freak show bouts, as he already holds wins over Paulo Cesar Silva, Eric “Butterbean” Esch, Bum Chan Kang, and Phil Baroni.

(Maurice Smith becomes the latest YAMMA victim.)

Seriously. It’s now officially fucked up. Let’s count the fighters that Bob Meyrowitz’s YAMMA 1 event has lost to date:

– Headliner Don Frye
– Gary Goodridge
– Frye’s replacement, Patrick Smith
– Rex Richards
– Two undisclosed members of the heavyweight tournament

The fight card on YAMMA’s site has still not been updated, but we’ll try and keep score for ya’. It was reported earlier that Ricco Rodriguez had been tapped to fill in as one of the replacements in the eight-man tourney, but we’re still not sure where that one stands. Rex Richards was replaced by Kevin Jordan. Don Frye had pulled out for whatever reason — probably because he realized how terrible the card is — and Patrick Smith took over. Then Pat Smith had been dropped due to arrest scheduling and 90-year-old Maurice Smith had been submitted as his replacement.

Now 5 Ounces is reporting that Maurice Smith has pulled out due to sickness related to old age (okay, I added that last part). But it gets better. Nick Lembo, attorney for the New Jersey Athletic Control Board, confirmed that Smith was dropping out, but then said the other Smith had been resubmitted. Pat Smith’s charges had been taken down a notch to misdemeanors so he would be able to compete. In case you’re lost by now, Patty would be fighting Oleg Taktarov at the show.

Gary Goodridge has yet to be replaced, but rest assured that the replacement will be well into his forties, if not fifties. Skip Hall should keep his phone on.

YAMMA 1 is scheduled for April 11th at the Trump Taj Mahal in Atlantic City and we’ll wait until the 10th to publish the fight card, because it just might change. More importantly, those that care about Bob Meyrowitz should put him on round-the-clock suicide watch. This is just too much for one man to absorb.

If there’s one lesson that can be taken from the recent arrest of MMA veteran Patrick Smith, it’s this: Always bring along your prescriptions if you plan on leading police on a wild high-speed chase while taking your crotch rocket out for a spin.

As previously reported, 45-year-old Smith agreed to face Oleg Taktarov at next month’s YAMMA Pit Fighting debut after Don Frye backed out of the match due to a shoulder injury. But, according to MMAJunkie:

[J]ust hours after the announcement, KXII TV 12 in Sherman, Texas, reported that Smith had been arrested after a high-speed police chase. Smith was clocked at speeds of up 130 mph while fleeing on his sports motorcyle, police said. He’s been charged with felony attempting to elude, possession of a prescription drug without a valid prescription, and reckless driving.

It’s not yet clear whether Smith will still be able to compete in the YAMMA event, but in case Bob Meyrowitz needs to find another replacement, Teila Tuli, Ron van Clief and He-Man Gipson are available and ready to work.

Bonus: Patrick Smith pounds Scott Morris’s face into burger at UFC 2. Fight starts at the video’s 3:30 mark and ends shortly after.