(Props: Jerry Rips)

The latest installment of “hilarious UFC audio you weren’t supposed to hear” features bad deaf-jokes, botched game-plans, excessive cursing, and Greg Jackson reaching the absolute limits of human frustration. (As one YouTube commenter already pointed out, Jackson does indeed sound a little like Timothy Treadwell when he’s upset.) Some highlights…

0:00: Some asshole wonders why Matt Hamill needs walkout music if he’s deaf. HA! The joker in question acknowledges that the joke was mean…then repeats it, in case you missed it the first time.
1:10: ”Spread the fuckin’ legs. Fuck. Fuckin’.”
1:53: Hamill’s coach expresses his disappointment in a loving, supportive way.
2:37: “Elbows! Whrrsthgoddmnelbws?? Shut the fuck up. Shut up.”
3:54: “Tito! Get up! Try! You gotta try, Tito!”
4:29: “Well, he wants you to hit him. That’s cool.”
4:49: Donald Cerrone head-kicks Nate Diaz to the mat, then refuses to follow him down, as steam blasts out of Greg Jackson’s ears.
5:23: Donald Cerrone trips Nate Diaz to the mat, then refuses to follow him down, as Greg Jackson has a massive coronary and pisses himself.
5:40: Donald Cerrone trips Nate Diaz to the mat, then refuses to follow him down, as Greg Jackson’s head literally launches off his body.
5:46: “GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! FORWARD!”
6:18: Jackson calls Nate Diaz by his brother’s name, possibly on purpose just to fuck with him.
6:35: Richard. Fucking. Perez.

(It is reported that Cerrone’s final words were “Hold my beer, and watch this.” / Photo via Sherdog)

Two more big matchups have been added to the already-beefy UFC 160 lineup, which is slated for May 25th at the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas. In addition to the previously reported Cain Velasquez vs. Antonio Silva heavyweight championship headliner and Junior Dos Santos vs. Alistair Overeem, the card will feature…

- Donald Cerrone vs. KJ Noons (lightweight): The always entertaining “Cowboy” Cerrone, who followed up his ass-whuppin’ at the hands of Anthony Pettis last month by nearly falling to his death in a recent rock-climbing incident*, will welcome former Strikeforce boxing-specialist KJ Noons to the Octagon. Noons has hit a rough stretch lately, losing four of his last five fights, all by decision. His last match ended in a split-decision loss against Ryan Couture.

- Glover Teixeira vs. Ryan Bader (light-heavyweight): Coming off his decision win over Rampage Jackson at UFC on FOX 6 — his third-straight win in the UFC and 18th-straight overall — the much-hyped Teixeira will get another solid test in the form of Ryan Bader, who choked out Vladimir Matyushenko in just 50 seconds at the same event.

We expect Cerrone and Teixeira to be solid favorites in these fights. Anybody predicting an upset?

* Don’t blame me, I wanted to go bowling.

Props: KVDZFighting.tumblr.com

By George Shunick

When the UFC first began its relationship with Fox, the results were mixed. The first show had only a 64 second fight, and the next two shows – while solid – didn’t do so well in the ratings. Even as the cards themselves picked up on UFC on Fox 4 and 5, the production of the show was excessively drawn out and was tedious to watch at times. But UFC on Fox 6 showed just how good these cards can be. Packed with excellent, violent fights, and backed with the full might of the Fox marketing machine, this card was the first that fulfilled the potential of MMA on network television.

But let’s talk fights, shall we? I know the flyweights aren’t nearly as respected as they should be in some parts of the fight community, but if you’re still in those parts after last night’s performance, do us all a favor, stop reading and get the fuck out. Because what you just witnessed was one of the best, if not the best 5-round title fights in the promotion’s history. In an extraordinarily competitive fight, John Dodson took an early lead off the strength of his…well, strength. He landed a number of monster lefts that were able to knock Demetrious Johnson down, and showed how he is arguably the most exciting fighter in the entire division.

But it was for naught, because what Dodson has in excitement, Johnson has in sheer stamina, will and technique. He roared back in the latter rounds, particularly the championship rounds, delivering innumerable knees to the head, body and legs, mixing in takedowns, and consistently pushing forward. Dodson was unable to keep Johnson’s pace, and in the final round, Johnson unleashed vicious flurries as Dodson backed up. Though he never wilted, Dodson was defeated. Demetrious Johnson remained champion, and was able to deliver one of the better post-fight shout outs you’ll hear. While Benson Henderson may believe all things are possible through Christ (excuse me, “through CHRIST!!!”), Johnson appears to have sided with a more contemporary deity – the Xbox 360.

(Now there’s two guys you definitely wouldn’t want to trip over in a dark alley. / Photo via CombatLifestyle. For more photos from this set, click here.)

The UFC returns to FOX tonight, and the stakes are high: Can John Dodson become the fourth Ultimate Fighter winner to win a UFC championship? Will Rampage Jackson‘s final appearance in the UFC end in triumph or humiliation? Can Erik Koch regain his place as the #1 featherweight contender with a win over Ricardo Lamas, and will Anthony Pettis secure his own spot atop the lightweight contender ladder with a victory against Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone?

But hey, enough damn questions — it’s time for some answers. CagePotato liveblogger Aaron Mandel will be providing round-by-round results from the UFC on FOX 6: Johnson vs. Dodson main card after the jump, beginning at 8 p.m. ET / 5 p.m. PT. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and share your own feelings in the comments section.

(“You are SO lucky I’m wearing shoes that restrict my movement to baby steps or I’d knock you out right here.” Photo courtesy of MMAFighting.)

All 22 fighters scheduled to compete on tomorrow night’s UFC on FOX: Johnson vs. Dodson card will be hitting the scales live from the Chicago Theatre in, you guessed it, Chicago starting at 5 p.m. EST. Luckily for you, we will be hosting a video of the weigh-ins RIGHT HERE. I know, right? The things we do to ensure that you guys are happy.

Anyway, the weigh-ins kick off in just a few minutes, so get in here for all the action!

(“Thanks Jay. Joining me now backstage is none other than…uh…wait a minute. You’re Anderson Silva’s son, right?”)

If you’ve been watching the NFL playoffs on FOX over the last couple weekends, you’ve surely noticed the frequent UFC promos throughout the broadcasts hyping a “World Title Fight” on January 26th between “Johnson and Dodson.” At no point is the word “flyweight” ever mentioned — because that would be a turnoff to casual fans, I guess? — and in most of the live promos I’ve seen, Demetrious Johnson and John Dodson‘s first names aren’t even included. Basically, they’re hoping that the mere promise of a “title fight” will be enough to lure some football fans into tuning in this Saturday night, even if those viewers have no idea who the headliners are, or what belt they’ll be fighting for specifically.

By sticking to the ironclad rule that a title fight will always get headlining-priority no matter who else is fighting on the card — a policy that previously drew some fan-criticism when Ronda Rousey vs. Liz Carmouche was given the UFC 157 main event spot over Dan Henderson vs. Lyoto Machida — the UFC has painted themselves into a corner. Johnson and Dodson simply aren’t as well-known, marketable, or admired as some of the other fighters competing at UFC on FOX 6, namely Quinton Jackson, Donald Cerrone, and Anthony Pettis.

It’s a problem, because TV ratings and buyrates are so closely tied to who’s headlining each event. Instead of perhaps making Rampage vs. Teixeira or Cerrone vs. Pettis the headliner, the UFC is choosing to keep things vague (“world title fight!” “Johnson!”) and hope for the best. We’ll see if that proves to be the right decision, or if the ratings will plunge compared to the strong showing of UFC on FOX 5. I know the UFC wants to pump up its budding flyweight division, but I can’t help wondering if they’re doing themselves a disservice when there’s so little heat around that weight class. Could they re-consider their “championship fight always gets the main event” policy down the road?

Since I’ve been thinking about this lately, I’ve decided to present my own rundown of which fights I’m actually looking forward to this weekend. If you see things differently, please hurl some abuse at me in the comments section. Let’s begin…

(The best part about wearing a cowboy hat to a press conference? You can be dead asleep, and people will just think you’re carefully considering your answer. / Photo via MMAWeekly)

Donald Cerrone is the type of guy who will go for the kill at every moment of a fight, then blow his resulting bonus-check on a pontoon boat cooze-cruise. He’s not the kind of guy who will hold his tongue when he sees some bullshit go down, even when that bullshit is related to one of his Greg Jackson teammates.

During a recent fan Q&A session, Cowboy was asked about Jon Jones‘s refusal to fight Chael Sonnen at UFC 151 — which led to the unprecedented cancellation of that event — and what he would do if he were put in the same position. Cerrone racked his verbal shotgun and said the following:

“Yes, I’d have fought. They could call me tomorrow and ask me to fight. I think you need to fight. That’s our job. I don’t think you should curl up and find a way out. So yes, that’s my answer…He’s my teammate, and we have this discussion all the time. I said, ‘You should’ve done it.’ And he goes, ‘Well, you don’t make a million (dollars) to fight.’ And I said, ‘Well, you’re right, but I f—ing fight every time with all my heart.’“

(…sit back there and say his jacket ain’t luxurious when you know it is, bitch.)

The UFC announced yesterday that its next UFC on FOX event — slated for January 26 at Chicago’s United Center — will be headlined by Demetrious Johnson‘s first flyweight title defense against TUF 14 winner John Dodson. Dodson has gone 2-0 at 125 pounds since his stint on the reality show, including his recent TKO of top contender Jussier Formiga.

But hey, maybe you don’t care about that sort of thing. Luckily, the UFC also confirmed that UFC on FOX 6 will feature the long-rumored lightweight tilt (and possible #1 contender match) between Donald Cerrone and Anthony Pettis, a guaranteed barnburner for which Cerrone has already promised to “pack a lunch.” Considering that Pettis has been out of action since February due to injuries, Cowboy might be the favorite here. Of course if he wins, Cerrone could be booked against a guy who already beat him twice in the WEC, or a guy who punked him as badly as any UFC fighter has ever been punked — which makes us wonder if this is one of those “#1 contender match for one guy but not necessarily the other”-type scenarios.

But wait, there’s more…

(Who caught staph from who?)

MMA Weekly reports that UFC lightweight contender Anthony Pettis was admitted to a Milwaukee-area hospital after it was discovered that he had a staph infection in his elbow. Pettis’s manager Mike Roberts stated that the infection isn’t expected to be serious, but “Showtime” was hospitalized as a precaution.

Pettis, who had to undergo shoulder surgery earlier this year on the same arm, is still expected to fight Donald Cerrone in potential #1 lightweight contender’s bout in January. Hopefully Pettis’s infection was caught early enough to not cause further complication. Untreated, staph infections can be life threatening. The infections are common among wrestlers and fighters, who spend lots of time on mats which can be petri dishes for bacteria and viruses.

We’ll keep you posted on Pettis’s health as developments are made public. After the jump, check out a healthy Pettis kick ass in a career highlight video.

(“Cowboy” Cerrone and his travel guide Filipe found more than just solace in the caves of Mount Grenidor; they found each other.)

You may or may not be aware of this, but before the UFC decided to go the route of champ vs. troll, they actually had a coaching matchup in the works for TUF 17 that would have both made sense and likely been ignored by most of the population. That matchup was between streaking lightweight contender Donald Cerrone and former WEC lightweight champion Anthony Pettis, two 155ers who are due for a title shot and truly despise one another. Unfortunately for them, the UFC decided to take things in a different direction. Fortunately for them, it appears as if they are still destined to throw down in the near future, because according to Cerrone in an interview with the appropriately titled MMAInterviews, half of the contract has already been signed.

I’m looking forward to that fight. Hopefully December we’re gonna get it, beginning of January. My side of the deal is signed. (I’m) just waiting on him while his shoulder is rehabbed. There’s been a lot of shit talking back and forth, so it’s gonna be fun. It’s gonna be for the fans. I think it’s gonna be Fight of the Night for sure. He’s well-rounded. I think my wrestling is better than his but if we go to the ground he’s good on the ground, if we stay standing he’s good there. It’s gonna be a helluva fight. I’m packing a lunch. I’m ready for three rounds of hell. I’ll fight him on an undercard, I don’t care.

As you know, Pettis has been out of action since his beatdown of Joe Lauzon at UFC 144 mending multiple injuries, and just recently injured his shoulder in training, which likely affected the UFC’s decision to go with Bones vs. Sonnen. So the likelihood of this matchup taking place in 2012 is a longshot, but a headlining fight on a FOX or FX event in late January? Hell to the yes, Potato Nation.

(What’s more interesting to you — Donald Cerrone‘s wakeboarding career, or Tracy Lee‘s chest? / Video via AlienwareChannel)

- Stephan Bonnar Feels He Can ‘Shock the World’ at UFC 153 (MMAFighting)

- EXCLUSIVE: UFC On Fuel 5 Fight Night Photo Gallery (HeavyMMA)

- Anderson Silva Won’t Stay at Light-Heavyweight, Doesn’t Want to Fight Jon Jones (Fightline)

- Whatever the lady on the left is doing, I want her job. (Facebook.com/CagePotato)

- Ronda Rousey Won’t Fight at 145 Due to Trust Issues With Drug Testing (BloodyElbow)

- Dana White Opens Up About His Only Regret — His Offensive Tirade From 2009 (MMAWeekly)

- MMA: Inside the Cage 114: “Faber Stifles the Count” (MMA:ITC)

- 30 Minutes to 3-D Shoulders (MensFitness)

- Beef of the Day: Mitt Romney vs. LeVar Burton (Complex)

- The 50 Weirdest Engagement Portraits Of All Time (WorldWideInterweb)

- Chefs of Anarchy Episode 1: Pig’s Head Dumplings (MadeMan)

- 69 Depraved Frank Reynolds GIFs (ScreenJunkies)

- 25 Stunning Photos of Planes Flying Past the Moon (EgoTV)

(Props: Zombie Prophet/BloodyElbow)

Whoever’s in charge of giving away free UFC tickets to hot chicks has really upped their game lately. (God bless you, pervert.) Last week we had the bounce-tastic “Girl in the White Dress,” who entertained us between fights at UFC on FOX 4. And on Saturday at UFC 150, it was the eye-catching blonde shown above — either Melissa Debling or her long-lost twin sister — whose glorious rack nearly distracted us from the vile ginger neckbeard situation happening directly behind her.

But Girl in the Red Dress wasn’t the only memorable seat-filler this weekend. Check out two more ladies trying to make love to the camera at UFC 150 (with varying levels of success) plus a couple gifs from the actual fights, after the jump…

The 150th UFC PPV takes place at the Pepsi Center in Denver, Colorado, which means tonight’s drinking game will lead you to the ER with liver poisoning as Joe and Goldie talk about the altitude. Headlining the card is the rematch to end all rematches when former WEC standout and current UFC lightweight champion, Benson Henderson squares off against Frankie “The Answer” Edgar.

Also on the broadcast is the front-runner to win Fight of the Night honors when Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone locks horns with Melvin Guillard. I’m told that Jake Shields and Yushin Okami are scheduled to fight Ed Hermann and Buddy Roberts respectively, and that’s totally cool, But you’re only buying this card for one reason: to see if the gold changes hands at the end of the night.

“Live” (emphasis on the quotation marks) round-by-round results from the Henderson – Edgar 2 pay-per-view main card will be piling up after the jump beginning at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT, courtesy of Jason Moles. Refresh the page every few minutes hours for all the latest, and please toss in your own inebriated thoughts in the comments section.

(Come on, Melvin. Those glasses weigh at least 1.5 pounds on their own, you can figure this out)

The champion and challenger made weight but featured fighter Melvin Guillard did not. Guillard weighed in nearly two pounds over the non-title 156 pound lightweight limit for his fight against friend and former teammate Donald Cerrone.

After missing weight at today’s weigh in for UFC 150 in Denver, Colorado Guillard had two hours to try and make the weight. UFC President Dana White told MMA Fighting that Guillard would not attempt to take off the extra weight and that he would be forfeiting 10% of his purse. They report that Cerrone will get half of that 10% while the Colorado athletic commission will get the other half, for some reason.

All other UFC 150 fighters made weight and lightweight champion Benson Henderson and former champ Frankie Edgar are set for their immediate title rematch Saturday night in the main event. Check out the weigh-in video after the jump to witness all the intensity between the two for yourself.

(What part of Arizona are you from, Ben? Right near the beach…BOI!)

By Dan “Get Off Me” George

Fresh off a stellar UFC on FOX last week, the UFC will be looking to build on some much needed momentum heading into this weekend’s UFC 150 card, where Ben Henderson will look to defend his lightweight strap against the man he took it from, Frankie Edgar. Will Colorado’s ridiculously high altitude continue to plague fighter’s cardio as it did at UFC 135 and Fight Night: Florian vs. Lauzon? Possibly, but it’s going to take more than a shortness of breath to stop the Gambling Enabler from paying out, as we’ve landed in the money on our past two events. So join us for a fight-by-fight dissection of UFC 150 and an inside look at how to come away with a significantly fatter wallet. All odds, per usual, are courtesy of BestFightOdds.

Ken Stone (+100) vs Eric Perez (-120)

Perez is a submissions specialist as is 1-0 in the UFC with a submission via armbar. Ken “Keith” Stone has more UFC experience and has lost two tough bouts to Eddie Wineland and Scott Jorgensen but has since won two straight fights. He has yet to be submitted in his MMA career, so I believe Stone will have enough to fend off Perez’s submissions game and win this fight on the cards.

“Did I stutter?! I said you’re a lay-and-pray artist who will NEVER beat Georges St. Pierre!”

It appears we weren’t the only ones surprised by Donald Cerrone’s recent comments for UFC lightweight Anthony Pettis. Anthony Pettis, who claims that he’s always been cordial with Cerrone in the past, recently attempted to make sense of the whole ordeal on “The MMA Hour.” Spoiler alert: He ain’t too keen on being told to “grab his purse and dance,” brother.

As transcribed by MMAMania.com:

“It’s comedy. This is the first news to me that I have heard of Cerrone calling me out or that he has been calling me out or he wanted to fight me. I talked to my manager about it and I think it’s just him trying to get his name out there and trying to get to my spot, trying to get to that title shot, to try and get closer to a title shot. But, for him to do it the way it did, just pissed me of, so. If he gets passed with his fight with Melvin, and it makes sense for me to fight him and then fight for a title shot, then I will do it. If he is in my way, I will take him out. (I’m)100 -percent (pissed off). I am super pissed. I am not the guy to talk or the type of guy to be out there and talk shit about anyone, but for him to call me out and put it the way he put it, pretty much saying that I am afraid to fight somebody, that is never the case. I am never afraid to fight anybody. I want to be the best lightweight in the world and if he is in my way, then I will take him out too. He wanted to fight in August, I wasn’t going to be ready until October or November and I openly said it on Twitter and I openly said it everywhere, so it’s not a matter of me ducking him, if he wants to fight in November, let’s do it, I will gladly take that fight and I will be so motivated to whoop his ass.”

Regardless of whether or not you feel Frankie Edgar truly deserved an immediate rematch with Benson Henderson after their epic clash at UFC 144, this rematch is going to happen this weekend, barring any last minute injuries, so you’ll just have to deal with it.

In all honesty, Edgar/Bendo II is perhaps the perfect main event to follow up UFC on FOX 4, as it will surely continue to deliver on the action-packed slugfests that its preceding event provided. And while we’re on the subject of UFC on FOX 4, check out a behind-the-scenes look at the event provided by the almighty Danavlog. It’s got everything: Damarques Johnson asking “What the hell happened?”, Ryan Bader asking “What the hell happened?”, and even Brandon Vera asking “What the hell happened?” Valentine McKee would’ve been proud.

So give that a gander if you would be so kind, and if you’re looking to get properly amped for this weekend’s events, down your first 5-hour energy of the day and check out the full Countdown to UFC 150 videos detailing the Bendo/Edgar, Cerrone/Guillard, and Ed Herman/Jake Shields fights after the jump.

(Guillard discusses his game plan for UFC 150. To summarize it in a word: Kill, kill, kill.) 

Allow me to begin this article with a series of understatements:

-Melvin Guillard hits pretty hard.
-His ground game, however, is somewhat lacking.
-Donald Cerrone has a decent chin, and a slightly better ground game than Melvin Guillard.

Now, whether any of these notions has any influence over your view of how Cerrone vs. Guillard will go down is a moot point. If you were to ask Cerrone how he thinks he will fare against Guillard on Saturday night at UFC 150, however, his response would be something along the line of “Where’s that bitch Anthony Pettis? Tell him to stop ducking me!”

Confused? Well so were we when we heard Cerrone’s recent interview with Inside MMA, where he all but completely disregards the fact that he is fighting one of the most dangerous strikers in the lightweight division this weekend, and instead focused his crosshairs on the former (and final) WEC lightweight champion:

I definitely wanna go after that title, and getting a rematch with Henderson would be an honor. That’d be sweet, for the belt. But, I really wanna fight Anthony Pettis. I want him to quit crying about his hurt shoulder and step up and fight me. I don’t know what I gotta do. Just grab your purse and let’s dance, brother. 

(“Pose on that red carpet, Donald Cer-Ro-Nay!“)

The UFC has confirmed that the co-main event for UFC 150: Henderson vs. Edgar 2 (August 11th; Pepsi Center; Denver, CO) will be a pretty damn promising lightweight battle between Colorado native Donald Cerrone and Melvin Guillard. Both fighters are coming off of decision wins — Cerrone with his three-round thrashing of Jeremy Stephens at UFC on FUEL 3 in May, and Guillard with his recent win against Fabricio Cameoes at UFC 148.

Not only is the matchup compelling from an entertainment standpoint, there’s also a bit of backstory considering that the two men were longtime teammates under Greg Jackson, until Guillard jumped ship at the beginning of this year to train with the Blackzilians in Florida. (Here’s a photo of Melvin pretending to be Bigfoot Silva’s shadow.) After the fight was announced, Guillard referred to himself and Cerrone as “best friends,” while Donald simply described their relationship as “cool.” I mean, obviously Cowboy already has a best friend.

(Tom Lawlor: The UFC’s undisputed Seven Up champion.) 

Maybe it’s just us, but it seems like it’s getting harder and harder to drum up a potential list of future opponents for the winners of a given UFC card these days. Not only are most fighters already booked for the promotion’s ever-increasing amount of cards, but the ones selected for title shots are seemingly being drawn out of a hat. Be that as it may, we are going to try and sift through the wreckage of last night’s UFC on FUEL card and determine who the big winners should face next. Enjoy.

Chan Sung Jung: We’ll be the first to admit that we underestimated “The Korean Zombie” heading into yesterday’s fight. But aside from his excellent transitions on the ground, or that amazing takedown reversal to mount he was able to pull off, the thing that impressed us the most about Jung was his tranquility. While Poirier was throwing his best shots at him, Jung remained calm, and worked his way out of every hairy situation like a true pro. He deserves a title shot, and Dana White claims that he is next in line for one. And The Baldfather would never go back on his word. Just ask Anthony Pettis.

(Stay away from the light, Dustin! Stay away from the light!) 

Ladies and gentlemen of the Potato Nation, the end times are upon us. Last night, a quiet, unassuming man named Chan Sung Jung escaped from a remote Korean testing facility and wound up in Fairfax, Virginia. Needing to fulfill certain diversity requirements that had long eluded them, the people of Fairfax embraced and accepted him with open arms, completely unaware that he was in fact patient zero of a zombie-like virus that would spell the untimely demise of the human race. Those ignoramuses.

Before they even knew what had hit them, reports of strange occurrences were popping up from county to county, then state to state. Having caught the latter half of the movie Outbreak on TBS just a few weeks prior, the people of Fairfax knew that they had to capture the source of the disease if they were ever to restore order to the chaos they had created. So they sent forth their bravest virologist, a man by the name of Dustin Poirier, to subdue the host and bring him back for testing. Early reports claimed that “The Diamond” would have little to no trouble accomplishing this feat, as he had successfully extinguished every threat placed before him since joining the Zuffa corporation.

How wrong they were.

For nearly twenty minutes, the two engaged in an all out war of attrition, one that would determine the very fate of mankind. He put up a hell of a fight, but as much as it saddens us to say this, we are officially doomed. Poirier was infected by “The Korean Zombie (virus),” and chances are that you will be soon as well. Early symptoms include raucous use of the phrase, “HOLY SHIT BRO”, an ability to absorb a tremendous amount of punishment, $80,000 cash, drowsiness, and cramps.

(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

UFC on FUEL TV: Korean Zombie vs. Poirier goes down tomorrow night at the Patriot Center in Fairfax, Virginia, and the weigh-ins are scheduled for today at 4 p.m. ET. You can watch the hot feet-on-scale action in the player above. Though we don’t foresee any hat-smacking or face-squishing, Tom Lawlor did promise to arrive with the most obscure MMA reference in UFC weigh-in history, so there’s that. [Photo is at the end of this post.] The full UFC on FUEL 3 fight card is after the jump, which are now updated with weigh-in totals. Come back to CagePotato.com tomorrow evening for our liveblog of the FUEL main card broadcast, which kicks off at 7 p.m. ET/4 p.m. PT.

(Contrary to what this painting implies, Minowa will not be taking on Gabe “Godzilla” Rudiger. Seems like a wasted opportunity to us.) 

India-based promotion Super Fight League is quickly making waves in the MMA landscape. Aside from being the first promotion to sign an exclusive broadcast deal with Youtube, they’ve managed to sign UFC veterans Todd Duffee and Trevor Prangley and held a mildly successful first event earlier this month. Sure, Bob Sapp was there, a sentiment we are getting sicker and sicker of typing, but just listen to SFL’s theme song and tell us that these gentlemen are not on the short path to success. Go ahead. We’ll be right here. Haaaaangin out.

But if you weren’t convinced by Super Fight League’s first event, then you will be more than happy to learn that they’ve decided to move on from the undisputed queen of freak show fights in Sapp to the undisputed king of freak show fights in Ikuhisa Minowa for their next event. Oh yes, one of the greatest fighters to never hold a major title will be taking on two time Bellator middleweight tournament winner Alexander Shlemenko at SFL 2, which goes down on April 7th from Chandigarh, India.

We last saw Minowaman in action at the “meh” ProElite 3 event, where he was outpointed by TUF 3 winner Kendall Grove. True to form, Minowa rebounded from the loss by picking up a first round submission over a 1-6 fighter that I am not going to bother looking up again because I already closed the tab. The Super Hulk Champion could be in for a long night against Shlemenko, a 44-7 kickboxing expert who showcased an improved submission game in his Bellator 50 guillotine joke victory over Zelg Galesic. If this fight features anything less than ten spinning backfists and a dropkick we will eat our hats.

Also set for SFL 2…

(Hey Donald, you let me know when you’re gonna stop armbarring me like my little sister. Sound good?) 

I did something terrible this morning, Potato Nation. After waking up with blood on my hands and a splitting hangover beneath an underpass I did not recognize, I was forced to stumble across five miles of snow covered wasteland, wearing only one shoe mind you, to make it home. I fired up my computer to find a video of newly crowned UFC lightweight champion Ben Henderson competing in the 7th Arizona Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu International Open awaiting my viewership. In need of a pick me up, I watched it, figuring that there was no way in hell my boy “Smooth” would be submitted by this Daniel Grippaudo sumbitch, because, let’s be honest, Henderson CANNOT be submitted. We all know the first round anaconda loss to Rocky Johnson that soils his record was made up to prevent 155-pound grapplers from committing mass suicide. There is no “Rocky Johnson.” There never was.

Anyway, after watching the video that awaits you all after the jump, I proceeded to run to the nearest elementary school, steal the microphone from the principal, and inform those listening to the morning announcements that Santa was in fact a lie. Do I feel bad about it? Surely, but the point I was trying to make is simple: give up hope. The boundaries of life are disintegrating before our very eyes. Nothing is real anymore; Santa, your parents, Jesus, none of it. If it turns out that the following video is not, as I suspect, a complete fabrication, then I hold these truths to be self-evident.

Watch at your own risk.

(Video courtesy of YouTube/

A word of advice: even if you’re the big dog in your gym, NEVER EVER accept the offer of a dude in a TapouT cowboy hat to spar, lest you might find yourself waking up with Donald Cerrone looking over you rubbing your chest and seeing if you’re okay.

(Video courtesy of YouTube/CircaSeventyNine)

Back in 2008 Benson Henderson was looking to take his career to the next level. Coming off of a dominant win over Diego Saraiva, the 7-1 lightweight decided that the best way to the big stage was to try out for The Ultimate Fighter 9: United States vs. United Kingdom. He fell short in his bid to be on the show, (either that or UFC matchmaker Joe Silva had other plans for him), but was instead given a chance in the UFC’s feeder league, the WEC, where he fought three months prior to and the same month that the show began filming.

It is rare feat in mixed martial arts when a replacement fighter actually increases the interest for a fight, so that makes this particular announcement all the more interesting. It appears that Yves Edwards has suffered an undisclosed injury that has forced him to withdraw from his upcoming UFC on FUEL 3 lightweight fight with Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone. Luckily, UFC matchmaker Joe Silva has found literally the PERFECT opponent to replace Edwards, Iowa power puncher Jeremy Stephens, in a fight that is now all but guaranteed to be a slugfest.

We last saw “Lil’ Heathen” at UFC 136, where he was out grappled by the likely next challenger to the UFC Lightweight title, Anthony Pettis, en route to a split decision loss. Prior to that, Stephens had scored two straight, KO’ing Marcus Davis out of a Zuffa contract at UFC 125…

…before almost ripping Danny Downes‘ arm off at the TUF 13 Finale. 

(Are you there God? It’s me, Cowboy…)

A lot of fight booking action today, Potato Nation.

Before dropping a unanimous decision to Nate Diaz at UFC 141, Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone had arguably the best 2011 of any fighter out there, scoring victories over Paul Kelly, Vagner Rocha, Charles Oliveira, and Dennis Siver, three of which came by way of stoppage. And although he ended the year on a loss, Cerrone will be looking to start off 2012 with a big win when he takes on 60 fight veteran Yves Edwards at UFC on FX 3, which goes down at the Patriot Center in Fairfax, Virginia on May 15th.

After suffering one of the most brutal knockout losses of 2011 at the hands of Sam Stout, Edwards has gone 1-1 in the UFC, picking up a second round TKO over Rafaello Oliveira at UFC Live 6 before being outpointed by TUF 13 winner Tony Ferguson at the TUF 14 Finale in December. Edwards will likely be a considerable underdog going into this one, so Yves, for the sake of the Thugjitsu nation, lay off the KC Masterpiece.

And in other UFC on FX news…

(Apparently Corassani treats tapping the same way he deals with flipping to the wrong page of a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure Novel. Gif via ZombieProphet at IronForgesIron.)

This should come as no surprise, but none other than TUF 14 alum and all around jackwagon Akira Corassani has been booked to take on British striker Jason Young at the UFC’s inaugural trip to Sweden for its second UFC on FUEL event. Corassani, a Swedish born (the streets, specifically) Muay Thai striker, has trained with the likes of Siyar Bahadurzada, Frankie Edgar, and Eddie Alvarez, and made a name for himself on this past season of The Ultimate Fighter, bringing a combination of power punches and Jersey Shore-like swagger to the house before being choked into wonderland by eventual runner-up Dennis Bermudez in the semifinals.

Young, who has dropped a couple of close decisions to Dustin Poirier and Michihiro Omigawa in his octagon run, will likely be fighting for his job when he takes on Corassani. A word to the wise Jason: steer clear of the leg-locks on this one.

(I bet if that cameraman had been The Undertaker, Lesnar would have just let him do his job. Video props via MiddleEasy.)

OK, so maybe the above video was taken in the aftermath of Brock Lesnar’s first round TKO loss to Alistair Overeem, but we imagine he had a similar reaction when informed by the Nevada State Athletic Commission that he must have an abdominal injury cleared by a doctor before he can compete in any physical activity for the next 6 months. Remember, given his recent retirement, the “physical activity” that Lesnar would be limited from would be his two favorite things, illegally tag-and-bagging mule deer and “getting on top of his wife.” Livestrong, Mr. Lesnar. BTW, that was kind of a dick move, shoving a poor cameraman like that. Way to go out with class.

But Lesnar was not the only fighter who walked out of UFC 141 facing a possible 6 month suspension. Nate Diaz, who, after out landing Donald Cerrone by over 150 strikes, somehow faces a longer suspension than that of “The Cowboy” — Diaz must have his right eye cleared by an ophthalmologist or will also be out of action until June 28th.

Join us after the jump for the full list.