(“Yeah, I have a question for the group: Is anybody *not* getting too old for this shit?” / Photo via Sherdog)

A pair of former PRIDE champions will be anchoring the UFC’s return to Japan. As confirmed by the promotion yesterday, UFC on FUEL 8 is slated for Sunday, March 3rd, at the Saitama Super Arena, with Wanderlei Silva vs. Brian Stann booked for the main event. [Update: The fight will take place at light-heavyweight.] Both men are coming off of decision losses, with Silva dropping his rematch to Rich Franklin at UFC 147 in June, and Stann losing to Michael Bisping in September.

Though Silva probably has little recollection of the last time he competed in Saitama, the Axe Murderer became an MMA superstar in Japan, where he went undefeated through his first 20 fights in PRIDE and held the middleweight title for over five years. But his current stint in the UFC — where he’s won just three of eight fights since 2007 — has suggested that Silva is nearing the end of the road, and his next bad loss could be his last. Can he come up with another heroic effort against the All American?

Speaking of PRIDE legends, longtime lightweight champ Takanori Gomi will be welcoming Diego Sanchez back to the lightweight division at UFC on FUEL 8. Gomi has won his last two UFC fights against Eiji Mitsuoka and Mac Danzig, while Sanchez is coming off a decision defeat against Jake Ellenberger in February. Sanchez hasn’t competed at 155 pounds since being utterly shredded by BJ Penn during their lightweight title fight three years ago.

Pretty damn good for a free card, right? Keep in mind that the event will also feature the heavyweight battle between Mark Hunt and Stefan Struve, plus the following newly-announced supporting bouts…

(Febreze: It really is that fresh.) 

Although it wasn’t exactly cram-packed with exciting finishes, UFC Macao provided us with plenty to talk about nonetheless. Let’s not act like Bruce Leroy’s Haiduken punch just didn’t happen, because it did and it was either awesome or the dumbest f*cking thing we have ever seen. We can’t tell yet.

Elsewhere on the card, some people beat some other people by decision, so join us as we decipher the judge’s scorecards and try to determine who the night’s biggest winners should face next.

Cung Le: Despite being a healthy underdog with a significant size and slight age disadvantage, Cung Le was able to deliver a spectacular knockout in arguably the most high profile fight of his career. That being said, we’re not going to fool ourselves into thinking the 40 year old is truly in the title mix just yet. At this point, Le appears to be more invested in his film career than in that of his mixed martial arts one (and rightfully so), but the man is still a draw who can both deliver exciting finishes and hang with more than most, so it only makes sense to give him another high profile, low risk fight.

The problem is, there simply aren’t that many of those kind of fights available for Cung in the UFC’s current middleweight pool. Most of the division in currently tied up and Cung has stated that he would like to take some time away to spend with his family, so we think it would be best to give Cung some time off and have him face the winner of the Hector Lombard/Rousimar Palhares battle at UFC on FX 6, or maybe Chris Leben if he is able to get by Karlos Vemola at UFC 155. Who would you prefer, Taters?

Props: Nixson Sysanga via mmafanmade.tumblr.com

If I were to have told you before this event that a FUEL TV caliber card will have seven out of nine fights go the distance, it is doubtful that many of you would have watched UFC on FUEL 6. If I were to have reminded you that because the fights were live from Macau, China, you’d have to wake up at 9 a.m. ET to watch said card, I’m willing to bet we would have had a pretty vacant liveblog this morning. It isn’t often that a card with so many decisions is worth waking up early for, but UFC on FUEL 6 proved to be an exception.

Expectations weren’t exactly high for the evening’s main event, a middleweight contest between Rich Franklin and Cung Le. With neither fighter in the title picture – or even near it – and forty year old Cung Le bloodletting his foot just one week before the fight, this fight had a very high bust-potential. Most of us assumed that Ace would exit the cage with his first victory at middleweight since 2008, and that we wouldn’t be missing much if we started our afternoon nap a little early.

Instead, Cung Le gave us a Knockout of the Year candidate, countering a leg kick with a devastating right hand that secured the victory just 2:17 into the fight. Being the only knockout on the card, Le took home the $40k Knockout of the Night award, but even if every other fight ended in a knockout it’d be hard not to award such a brutal finish the honor. If you happened to miss it, here it is in all of its animated GIF glory:

(Unfortunately, Bruce Lee’s ghost suffered a knee injury in training and will be unable to float above the fighters tonight. Hey, that’s why they say “card subject to change.” / Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle.com. For more photos from this set, click here.)

It’s Saturday night in Macau, the special administrative region that never sleeps. While us North Americans are pouring cereal and rubbing crust out of our eyes, the UFC’s first-ever show in China is already in full swing at the CotaiArena. In the main event, a couple of middleweight battle-axes named Rich Franklin and Cung Le will be slugging it out, refusing to go gently into middle age. Supporting them on the main card is an array of international matchups, including Thiago Silva vs. Stanislav Nedkov, Dong Hyun Kim vs. Paulo Thiago, and Takanori Gomi vs. Mac Danzig.

Handling liveblog duties for us this morning is Jim Genia, who will be stacking round-by-round results from the UFC on FUEL 6 main card broadcast after the jump, beginning at 9 a.m. ET / 6 a.m. PT. Refresh the page for all the latest, and let your voice be heard in the comments section. Thanks for being here, guys. We can all take naps later.

(“…and don’t even get me started about these goddamned Diaz brothers.” / Photo via CombatLifestyle)

By George Shunick

With a few notable exceptions like Dong Hyun Kim and Yushin Okami, Asian MMA fighters have struggled to live up to expectations while fighting in the UFC. While there are plenty of explanations for this, it appears the UFC doesn’t do these fighters any favors. In a recent interview, Dong Hyun Kim enumerated some of the issues faced by Asian fighters that are compounded by the UFC’s policies. Kim’s comments were translated by Sherdog user Hufusopem, and touch on a number of concerns, including sponsorship issues and traveling fees.

According to Kim, “no matter how ‘fair’ the UFC is, the Asian fighters especially Korean fighters are automatically at a disadvantage. Even right before my fight with Demian [Maia] my airplane ticket cost after getting discounts, was 1,100 dollars (Not to add in me paying for my teammates and coaches to accompany me). And on top of that, it is ludicrously expensive to get ready to train and get a training camp in the US before your fights.”

$1,100, before adding in teammates and coaches?? That’s a lot to ask of a fighter. Particularly if that fighter, unlike Kim, isn’t an established star. He continues, “It’s ultimately very hard to be a UFC fighter. If you go to America, there are a lot of fighters who are barely eeking by financially. I see some fighters who have fights a few days away doing personal training. A lot of that has to do with the UFC being too stingy about sponsorships. Also because of UFC’s policies it is really hard to get sponsors for a lot of fighters… If you pay off the training camp and your coaches you honestly don’t have much left. Ultimately, you only have one maybe two opportunities to make it big. In MMA anyone can lose and when you do lose you go instantly to the back of the line.”

(RagePotato: Using the sleekest technology possible to combine MMA and stupid internet trends since 2007.) 

Not many of us expected Brazilian up-and-comer Charles “do Bronx” Oliveira to absolutely manhandle TUF 12 winner Jonathan Brookins in the fashion he did at the TUF 15 Finale. Sure, Brookins’ head movement and general striking stance most closely resembles a Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em robot when his block has been knocked off, but Oliveira’s performance, which improved his featherweight record to 2-0, was truly a coming out party for a fighter who already had a considerable amount of hype behind him. Given the circumstances, it’s all the more appropriate (not to mention exciting) that Oliveira has been booked to take on fellow ever-rising featherweight Cub Swanson at UFC 152, which goes down on September 22nd at the Air Canada Centre in Toronto, Canada. Swanson has looked nothing short of spectacular lately, blistering George Roop and Ross Pearson in consecutive bouts at UFC on FOX 2 and UFC on FX 4.

After falling to the secret death-touch taught to Demian Maia by Sensei Seagal at UFC 148, Dong Hyun Kim is set to return to action against the always dangerous but struggling Paulo Thiago at UFC on FUEL 6, which will make for the UFC’s first ever trip to China on November 10th from the Cotai Arena in Cotai, Macau. Thiago last performed a dead-on impression of a cadaver in his bout with Siyar Bahadurzada at UFC on FUEL 2 (his first career loss via KO) and has dropped three of his last four bouts, so look for him to try and end things impressively against Kim because his career may be on the line.

And in heavyweight booking news…

Props: MMAfanmade.tumblr.com

Let’s get one thing straight: Last night’s co-main event was by no means a legacy-cementing fight. The legacies of both fighters had been cemented well before last night, with both Forrest Griffin and Tito Ortiz being very influential in the UFC’s push towards the mainstream, being involved in unforgettable fights and holding the light-heavyweight championship. While winning the trilogy would be a nice way to cap off an otherwise lackluster rivalry, it would be nothing more than another “W” in the grand scheme of things. Especially for Tito – while Forrest is arguably worthy of a Hall of Fame induction, Tito already has been inducted.

Which perhaps explained why Tito Ortiz seemed more aggressive throughout the fight: Forrest had little to lose, Tito had nothing to lose. While the aggression of “The People’s Champion” seemed to have Forrest Griffin on the verge of defeat a few times during the fight, in the end it wasn’t enough. For the majority of the fight, Griffin managed to outstrike Ortiz en route to the unanimous decision victory.

Really, there is little more to be said for the actual fight. Two aging veterans entered the cage and performed like aging veterans. Both men looked slow, both men gassed out early, and if it weren’t for the names involved, this fight would have had zero chance of taking home the $75k Fight of the Night honors. If you want to watch the fight again, watch the fight again - if you missed it, you didn’t miss much.

(Right before this picture was taken, Chael asked Anderson to smell his finger. And yes, it smelled like steak sauce. / Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle.com. For more from this set, click here.)

UFC 148 goes down this evening at the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas, and the stakes have never been higher — either Anderson Silva‘s historic middleweight title reign comes to an abrupt end, or all of Chael Sonnen’s limbs and teeth are about to be broken. Either way, we’re in for an interesting night.

Also on the card: Tito Ortiz bids us farewell with a rubber-match against his old buddy Forrest Griffin, Demian Maia makes his welterweight debut against Dong Hyun Kim, and Cung Le tries to rebound against the returning Patrick Cote.

Live round-by-round results from the “Silva vs. Sonnen 2″ pay-per-view main card will be piling up after the jump beginning at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT, courtesy of Elias Cepeda. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and please toss in your own two cents in the comments section.

(This time around, the UFC’s marketing department is looking to drive home the notion that sex sells once and for all.) 

By Dan “Get off Me” George

In the immortal words of Bruce Buffer, “It’s Time!”

On the eve of perhaps the most anticipated UFC rematch in history, I hope to bring my fellow CP readers some insight on how to save your kneecaps from the bookies and perhaps even make a buck or two by trying to follow my logic with regards to potential winners and losers for UFC 148.

For the sake of brevity, I’d like to focus on the dogs. The real money is made betting on the underdogs, and besides, there is nothing more exciting than watching a guy like Alan Belcher twist and turn his way out of certain demise en route to cashing out at three times the amount you originally placed on him (Ed note: Way to rub it in, Dan).

All of our betting odds for this week’s enabler come courtesy of BestFightOdds, so let’s get it on!

Undercard:

Shane Roller (-195) vs. John Alessio (+180)

I like Roller here, the price is fair and I do not see Alessio being able to do much but play defense in this fight. Look for Roller to pull out a decision while Alessio finds himself on the bottom or defending takedowns for the majority of the contest, not unlike his most recent decision loss to Mark Bocek at UFC 145. Simple.

Constantinos Philippou (-175) vs. Riki Fukuda (+165)

This line has moved in favor of Fukuda slightly over the past 24hrs, showing that the public likes Fukuda more and more as the small underdog. I like Philippou if for nothing more than his performance against Court McGee, a fighter similar to Fukuda who likes to move forward and press the action. Philippou has ever-improving takedown defense and better striking than Fukuda, specifically with his hands, and I like him to stop Fukuda’s takedowns and make him pay with his fists.

The UFC announced a pair of interesting newly signed welterweight match-ups today.

First, Zuffa announced via UFC.com that a barnburner main event between 170-pound contenders Martin Kampmann (19-5) and Jake Ellenberger (27-5) will cap off “The Ultimate Fighter Live” finale June 1 on FX. Both fighters are known for their heavy hands and solid chins, but Kampmann may hold a slight edge on the ground.

The 29-year-old Danish fighter has seven submission victories on his resume, accounting for 29 percent of his 74 percent finishing rate and has never tapped out in the cage. Ellenberger has only five submission wins in 32 fights, which adds up to 16 percent of his 52 percent rate of stoppage. Regardless of stats, the bout should be an entertaining one.

(Come on, Fitch wasn’t out. He was just resting his arms.)

On Friday night, Alistair Overeem successfully gut-shotted his way to a title shot against reigning UFC heavyweight champ Junior Dos Santos — and his larger-than-life opponent Brock Lesnar will likely never set foot inside of an Octagon again. But the fates of the other winners and losers from UFC 141 are still up in the air. So let’s put on our Joe Silva skin-suit and see if we can make some thoughtful matchmaking suggestions for these guys, shall we?

Nate Diaz: As ferocious as he looked against Donald Cerrone, part of me thinks that Nate is going to get rudely decisioned as soon as he goes back to facing wrestlers; guys like Clay Guida, Joe Stevenson, and Gray Maynard have already proved that putting Diaz on his back is his kryptonite. But I don’t want to see that happen, at least not right away. Next month’s UFC 144 event provides two compelling options for Nate’s next opponent — either the winner of the Anthony Pettis vs. Joe Lauzon scrap, or Ben Henderson if he loses his title challenge to Frankie Edgar. Either matchup would give Diaz an ideal dance partner for another guaranteed Fight of the Night.

Donald Cerrone: Not to steal the thunder from Diaz’s masterful performance, but Cerrone looked like shit on Friday. Sorry, it needed to be said. The highly technical fight-finisher that we’ve come to know and love was M.I.A., replaced by an outgunned cowpoke who was as sloppy as he was tentative. Cerrone needs a rebound fight to find his mojo again. Setting him up against fast-rising Ultimate Fighter 13 winner Tony Ferguson would be a great test for both fighters. Either Cowboy gets back on track against a solid opponent, or Ferguson continues to prove that he’s more than just a TUF-guy.

(Thank you, Internet. You never fail us. Dancing Gina Carano GIF via MMAConvert)

UFC 141‘s best moments, boiled down to 12 animated gifs. Check out the rest after the jump. Special thanks to IronForgesIron, Chas, and Unfilter on the UG.

(It was at that moment that Rick noticed Charlie’s ‘Carpe Diem’ tramp-stamp, and terror washed over him like a warm, rancid wave.)

Wrestling — it’s all fun and games until you wind up on the wrong end of it. That’s the reality for Rick Story, whose six-fight UFC win streak was snapped by the takedown-happy Charlie Brenneman last month at UFC on Versus 4.  Now, Story — a former collegiate wrestler himself — is channeling his inner Dan Hardy, asking for a follow-up opponent who will just stand in front of him and throw hands. And as he told MMAWeekly, he even has a guy in mind:

“(Dong Hyun Kim) just recently came off a loss, like myself. And he’s still a Top 10 (fighter) and he’s game, too. I wouldn’t have to be worried too much about takedowns and I’ve been working on my boxing skills tremendously and (I’ll) be able to showcase a knockout…Most of my opponents that (I’ve had) punch a couple times and they don’t want to fight anymore. They just want to wrestle or run away. The other opponent that I had that was game was Brian Foster and we ended up getting fight of the night.”

For all the grief we give the guy, we owe him a second photo of this submission. (Pic: UFC.com)

There were a score of unofficial bonuses dealt out last night. Tito got to keep his job and shut up his many, many detractors. Cruz evened the scorecards against Faber and avenged his only loss. Chris Leben bounced back from a crippling Gummi Bear addiction to score a vicious 27 second KO victory over Wanderlei Silva. As if that weren’t enough, the UFC handed out a quartet of its official, more financially lucrative $75k bonuses as well.

(After three days of utter confusion, Arianny finally realizes what ‘Chocolate Al’ means. Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle. For more photos from this album, click here.)

As you make plans for your various drunken 4th of July celebrations, keep in mind that some of the men you see tonight may be too injured to grill burgers on Monday. Appreciate their sacrifice, ladies and gentlemen. Now then, who wants to see some dudes get kicked in the head and choked unconcious?

Manning the liveblog duties for this evening is CagePotato rising star Jason Moles, who will be providing round-by-round updates from the UFC 132 pay-per-view card beginning at 9 p.m. ET. Travel past the jump to join our little liveblog party, and refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest. Thanks for being here, and may God bless this great nation.

(Video courtesy of YouTube/IronForgesIron)

Even if you aren’t looking forward to the main event of Saturday’s UFC 132: Faber vs. Cruz this upcoming long weekend, there is much more to excite you about this card even with BJ Penn and Jon Fitch out with injuries.

Check out what goodness 132 has in store for you and the remainder of the countdown show after the jump.

(Carlos Condit discusses Dong Hyun Kim matchup at UFC 132, vows to beat Kim up until he doesn’t move anymore. Props: foxsports)

Some selected highlights from our friends around the MMA blogosphere. E-mail feedback@cagepotato.com for details on how your site can join the MMA Link Club…

- 10 Memorable Sports Moments Since Tito Ortiz Last Won a Fight (BleacherReport.com/MMA)

- Nate Marquardt Incident Highlights Need for Comprehensive HRT Policy in MMA (MMA Fighting)

- UFC on Versus 4 Photo Gallery – The Main Card (TheFightNerd)

- Matt Mitrione Post-Fight Video: “Gonna Get Drunk” (NBC Sports MMA)

- Miguel Torres Took a Picture of the Worst BJJ Injury He’s Ever Seen *WARNING: Graphic!* (MiddleEasy)

- Diego Sanchez Not Impressed with Charlie Brenneman or Rick Story (5thRound)

- Tito Ortiz Is “Not a Stepping Stone to Anyone,” Plans to Test the Will of “Disrespectful” Ryan Bader (LowKick)

- Donald Cerrone Fills Vacancy Opposite Paul Taylor at UFC Live 5 (Five Ounces of Pain)

- Under New Ownership, Pro Elite Rises From The Ashes For Possible August Return (MMA Convert)

- Keith Kizer Explains Therapeutic Use Exemptions for Testosterone Replacement Therapy in MMA [Audio] (MMA Mania)

With the announcement yesterday that BJ Penn had to pull out of UFC 132: Cruz vs. Faber, the leading candidate to fill in against “The Prodigy,” Carlos Condit (26-5) has now been matched up with durable South Korean fighter Dong Hyun Kim (14-0-1 1NC).

The UFC announced the pairing today.

(Sit back there and say Clay Guida’s hair ain’t luxurious, when you know it is, bitch. / Photo courtesy of MMAFighting)

The Nevada State Athletic Commission has released the payout list for UFC 125, with the total fighter payroll topping out at $1,112,000 in disclosed salaries and bonuses. MMA Junkie reports that despite the main event ending in a draw, both Frankie Edgar and Gray Maynard were given their win bonus money — which insured that they were two of the night’s top earners, since they also picked up the event’s Fight of the Night bonuses.

Other six-figure earners included Clay Guida ($122,000) and Thiago Silva ($110,000). The complete UFC 125 salary list is below, and continues after the jump. Keep in mind that the figures do not include additional income from sponsorships or undisclosed "locker room bonuses," or deductions for taxes, insurance, and licensing fees.

Frankie Edgar: $162,000 (includes $51,000 win bonus, $60,000 Fight of the Night bonus)
vs. Gray Maynard: $112,000 (includes $26,000 win bonus, $60,000 Fight of the Night bonus)

Brian Stann: $42,000 (includes $21,000 win bonus)
def. Chris Leben: $46,000

Thiago Silva: $110,000 (includes $55,000 win bonus)
def. Brandon Vera: $60,000

(Above: "You’re lucky our dads are here, dweeb. I’ll just take that fancy little belt of yours next time." Below: Something old, something new… / Photos courtesy of the UFC 125 Weigh In Pics gallery on CombatLifestyle.com)

Good lord, is it really 2011 already? I’m still writing "PRIDE NEVA DIE" on all my checks! Another unpredictable year of MMA begins tonight in Las Vegas, as lightweight underdog-champion Frankie Edgar attempts to make title defense #2 against old rival Gray Maynard. Plus: Chris Leben and Nate Diaz try to keep their streaks going, Brandon Vera fights for his job, and a lightweight smash-up between Clay Guida and Takanori Gomi. Click through for round-by-round UFC 125 updates — beginning at 9 p.m. ET with the live prelims broadcast on ION — and remember to refresh the page every few minutes for the latest results. Let’s all try to be the best keyboard warriors we can be this year, okay guys?

(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

UFC 125 goes down tonight at the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas, and CagePotato will be posting live results beginning with the ION prelims at 9 p.m. ET / 6 p.m. PT. I’m sure most of you are still nursing crippling hangovers, so let’s ease into the New Year gently: Above, some of tonight’s fighters share their resolutions for 2011, and Dong Hyun Kim re-invents himself as a trash-talker. (Ed. note: KEEP THE 209 OUT OF YOUR MOUTH, SON.) After the jump, the very same dudes warm up and discuss their matchups at Thursday’s open workout.

(Diaz pops Marcus Davis in the jaw at UFC 118; meanwhile, Yves Lavigne notices the rancid smell coming from his armpits. / Props: CageWriter.com)

As first broken by Korean news site mfight.co.kr, Nate Diaz (13-5) will reportedly make his Octagon return against Dong Hyun "Stun Gun" Kim (13-0-1, 1 no contest), at UFC 125: Edgar vs. Maynard on New Year’s Day. Diaz most recently picked up his second victory at welterweight, beating the piss out of Marcus Davis at UFC 118 before choking him to sleep in the third round.

Kim’s last cage-appearance was a unanimous decision win over Amir Sadollah at UFC 114, in a performance that was marked by Kim’s superior wrestling and positional control. No, it wasn’t the most exciting fight, but it got the job done and preserved DHK’s unblemished record. Kim was scheduled to return against John Hathaway at UFC 120, but was forced to drop out of the fight due to injury. (Injury withdrawals are kind of a bad habit for Kim, who also missed scheduled UFC meetings with Dan Hardy and Chris Lytle.)

Diaz is on his way to becoming a real contender in the welterweight division — but as we saw in his lightweight losses to Gray Maynard, Joe Stevenson, and Clay Guida, he’s vulnerable against strong wrestlers. If Kim can blanket him like he did to Sadollah, it could be a sad night in Stockton.

(Does training with Martin "The Hitman" Kampmann help Pyle prepare for John "The Hitman" Hathaway?

Xtreme Couture welterweight Mike "Quicksand" Pyle will step in for injured Dong Hyun Kim to face fast-rising British welterweight John "The Hitman" Hathaway at UFC 120 on October 16 at the O2 Arena in London, England.

The bout was first reported by Gareth Davis of the UK’s The Daily Telegraph and CagePotato.com has since confirmed the bout with sources close to both camps.

(You guys know this thing doesn’t even count, right?)

When the Nevada State Athletic Commission ruled yesterday to change Karo Parisyan’s decision win over Dong Hyun Kim at UFC 94 into a “no decision” on account of the various painkillers running through Parisyan’s veins at the time of the fight, I wondered the same thing I always wonder: how does this affect me?

As you may recall, I put a bet down on Kim when I was going crazy in Vegas the day before UFC 94.  I lost and was forced to dance for nickels under a bridge just to get enough money to make it home.  But with the bout result changed, did the MGM Grand now owe me my money back?  Were they also on the hook for the price of the tetanus shot I had to get when I got home (those nickels aren’t clean, no matter what anyone tells you)?  

I didn’t know, so I called the MGM Grand.  Turns out, they didn’t really know either.  After a lengthy back and forth, they gave up and told me to call the sportsbook at the Mirage, whose policies the MGM Grand follows on this sort of thing.  So I did.  I called the Mirage and got transferred around a bunch.  I got told several different times that the sportsbook didn’t take calls, but my question confused enough people, and eventually they put me through to the sportsbook, where my hopes were immediately shot down.

(Parisyan was also "strongly encouraged" to get an eyebrow-wax. Photo courtesy of UFC.com.)

It seems like our earlier post on today’s Penn/St. Pierre NSAC hearing contained a bit of foreshadowing. Yes, fights in Nevada can be overturned if one of the fighters was using banned substances, and Karo Parisyan just learned that the hard way. "The Heat" was busted last month after testing positive for three different painkillers following his three-round snoozer with Dong Hyun Kim at UFC 94. Well, the verdict has finally come down, and Parisyan has been nailed with a nine-month suspension, a $32,000 fine (40% of his total purse), and the official voiding of his split-decision victory against Kim. That fight will now be known as a "no decision," which means that Kim is still technically undefeated. As Sherdog reports:

(‘Bones’ Jones: Nothing but awesome.)

Between his unstoppable takedowns and wildly unorthodox YouTube-influenced striking, Jon Jones has caught the attention of many UFC fans, who see him as one of the future stars of the light-heavyweight division. And after his one-sided mollywhopping of Stephan Bonnar at UFC 94 in January, he’ll be getting another big name to prove himself against. TheGarv has confirmed that Jones will compete next at UFC 100 (July 11th, Las Vegas) where he’ll take on former heavyweight Jake O’Brien. Known primarily as a wrestler, O’Brien most recently won a split-decision over Christian Wellisch during his light-heavyweight debut at UFC 94; before signing with the UFC, he racked up a 7-0 record with all wins by first-round T/KO, but he hasn’t won a fight by stoppage since August 2006. Jones would certainly seem to have an advantage in the standup, and if he can neutralize O’Brien’s wrestling — a very likely scenario — it’ll be Jones’s fight to win.

In other booking news…

(We could have used some painkillers during this fight too, now that you mention it. Photo courtesy of MMA Weekly.)

The Nevada State Athletic Commission has released the drug test results from UFC 94, and every fighter passed their screenings for banned substances except for Karo Parisyan, who was apparently medicated to the gills with the painkillers Hydrocodone, Hydromorphone, and Oxymorphone during his uninspiring split-decision victory over Dong Hyun Kim; Oxymorphone was also one of the painkillers that earned James Irvin a nine-month suspension following his loss to Anderson Silva in July. FiveOuncesofPain gets their pharmacist on:

A surprised Karo Parisyan told MMA Weekly that he revealed all his medications on his pre-fight medical paperwork, and believed that he had followed proper procedure and was not in violation of any rules. Unfortunately he appears to be, and the ensuing punishment could jeopardize his next fight, which was rumored to be a matchup with Josh Koscheck.

Parisyan has been engaged in a widely publicized battle with panic attacks in recent months — which led to a last-second pullout from a fight against Yoshiyuki Yoshida at UFC 88 in September — but had declined to take anti-depressants to deal with the illness. Whether that decision was due to an unwillingness to complicate his life with athletic commissions, or plain old Armenian Pride, it isn’t clear — but it has now become a moot point.

Parisyan will likely face a fine and a suspension. More details to come.

(Just try and ignore it, passing motorists.)

Today is my lucky day, Potato Nation.  Here I am in Vegas for UFC 94, and it’s the grand opening of the Tito Ortiz Punishment MMA Store.  What are the odds!?  Even better, the store is conveniently located inside the Hooters Hotel and Casino across from the MGM Grand, where the fights will take place tomorrow night, so naturally I had to drop in and see what kind of sweet Team Punishment gear I could pick up.

A sign informed me that Justin “The Insane 1” McCully and Tiki Ghosn would be signing autographs tomorrow afternoon, thus completing what is perhaps MMA’s greatest D-list event.

The store itself is tiny, and filled with exactly the kinds of clothes you’d expect.  Almost every t-shirt featured either a fist or chains, sometimes a combination of both.  Despite today being the grand opening, however, I was the only person in the store.  Well, aside from the three teenage girls working there, who were all fairly brimming with excitement (see below).

(Karo suddenly remembers that "Overboard" is on TNT tonight, and immediately wishes he had stayed home. Oh, that Goldie Hawn.)

When we made reference to Karo Parisyan’s physical and mental troubles as reasons why he might not be in optimal shape against Dong Hyun Kim on Saturday, we were partly speculationg and partly joking.  But you know who doesn’t joke around?  The UFC.  And just in case Parisyan burns them again with another late withdrawal in the hours before fight time, they now have a back-up plan.

MMA Mania says the UFC has 7-2 Rick Story (just think of the nickname possibilities, such as "Bedtime" or "Cinderella") waiting in the wings to step in as a replacement for Parisyan if needed.  It would be Story’s first UFC appearance, though he does have a couple of quality wins against guys like Brandon Melendez and Jake Ellenberger under his belt, so he’s no chump.  

But if Parisyan really does pull out on extremely short notice again, you’d have to think that would spell the end of his UFC career.  The fact that the UFC is worried enough about it to have a replacement on hand is already a sign of their complete lack of faith in him.  

On the flip side, it also means that expectations are so low all he really has to do to exceed them is step in the Octagon on Satuday night without freaking out.  This is one of those few times in life where just showing up is enough, much like your wedding day.  And the creeping sense of dread and regret that follows?  You can just push that way down in your subconscious for years until it finally boils to the surface.  So come on, Karo.  Keep it together.

(Dong Hyun Kim could soon be scrapping with the likes of Mike Swick and Marcus Davis. Photo courtesy of MMAWeekly.com.)

Most American MMA fans may be unfamiliar with the UFC’s two most recent hires, but both men look poised to punch a hole in their competition. First up is Rousimar Palhares, a Brazilian Top Team member who the UFC just signed to add some spark to their middling middleweight division. Palhares has a 7-1 record, with six of those wins coming via first-round stoppage (mostly submissions), and he won the Fury FC middleweight Grand Prix last month with swift victories over Fabio Negao and Daniel Acacio. Check out this video of his fight with Negao, and the acrobatic leg-lock he finishes the match with at the video’s 3:49 mark:

Joining the UFC’s relatively crowded welterweight division will be Dong Hyun Kim, an undefeated Korean fighter who holds wins over Hidehiko Hasegawa, Hidenobo Koike, and Yukiharu Maejima in the DEEP organization. Five of Kim’s eight wins have come by KO/TKO, including this first-round mauling of Kousei Kubota, who asked for the punishment by stomping on Kim’s feet with shoes on:

So, the dude can bang. Look for Kim to make his first Octagon appearance as early as March.