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21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

Tag: Dong Hyun Kim

Karo Parisyan Suspended, Fined, Stripped of Last Win, and Told “Good Day” by NSAC

Karo Parisyan UFC 94 MMA Dong Hyun Kim Josh Rosenthal
(Parisyan was also "strongly encouraged" to get an eyebrow-wax. Photo courtesy of UFC.com.)

It seems like our earlier post on today’s Penn/St. Pierre NSAC hearing contained a bit of foreshadowing. Yes, fights in Nevada can be overturned if one of the fighters was using banned substances, and Karo Parisyan just learned that the hard way. "The Heat" was busted last month after testing positive for three different painkillers following his three-round snoozer with Dong Hyun Kim at UFC 94. Well, the verdict has finally come down, and Parisyan has been nailed with a nine-month suspension, a $32,000 fine (40% of his total purse), and the official voiding of his split-decision victory against Kim. That fight will now be known as a "no decision," which means that Kim is still technically undefeated. As Sherdog reports:

Parisyan, who was not represented by legal counsel at the hearing, pleaded for leniency before the commission after he admitted his guilt. “This is my only form of income,” Parisyan said. “If I don’t fight, I’m nothing. I’m very, very sorry. It was completely unintentional. This is embarrassing for me.” …
 
Commissioner John Bailey reacted sternly to Parisyan, both for his use of pain pills that had not been prescribed and his failure to disclose use on the questionnaire. “[The commission has] to know what’s going on with you,” Bailey said. “You just decided to not be truthful on a pre-fight questionnaire. We can’t have fighters drifting in and out of reality."
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Jon Jones to Take On Jake O’Brien @ UFC 100

Jon Jones Stephan Bonnar UFC MMAJon Jones Stephan Bonnar suplex MMA UFC
(‘Bones’ Jones: Nothing but awesome.)

Between his unstoppable takedowns and wildly unorthodox YouTube-influenced striking, Jon Jones has caught the attention of many UFC fans, who see him as one of the future stars of the light-heavyweight division. And after his one-sided mollywhopping of Stephan Bonnar at UFC 94 in January, he’ll be getting another big name to prove himself against. TheGarv has confirmed that Jones will compete next at UFC 100 (July 11th, Las Vegas) where he’ll take on former heavyweight Jake O’Brien. Known primarily as a wrestler, O’Brien most recently won a split-decision over Christian Wellisch during his light-heavyweight debut at UFC 94; before signing with the UFC, he racked up a 7-0 record with all wins by first-round T/KO, but he hasn’t won a fight by stoppage since August 2006. Jones would certainly seem to have an advantage in the standup, and if he can neutralize O’Brien’s wrestling — a very likely scenario — it’ll be Jones’s fight to win.

In other booking news…

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Urine Trouble: Parisyan Pops Positive for Painkillers Following UFC 94

Karo Parisyan MMA UFC 94 Dong Hyun Kim
(We could have used some painkillers during this fight too, now that you mention it. Photo courtesy of MMA Weekly.)

The Nevada State Athletic Commission has released the drug test results from UFC 94, and every fighter passed their screenings for banned substances except for Karo Parisyan, who was apparently medicated to the gills with the painkillers Hydrocodone, Hydromorphone, and Oxymorphone during his uninspiring split-decision victory over Dong Hyun Kim; Oxymorphone was also one of the painkillers that earned James Irvin a nine-month suspension following his loss to Anderson Silva in July. FiveOuncesofPain gets their pharmacist on:

Hydrocodone is a semi-synthetic opioid derived from two of the naturally-occurring opiates codeine and thebaine…Depending on its form and toxicity, Hydrocodone can be used as a narcotic.
 
Hydromorphone is a potent centrally-acting analgesic drug of the opioid class; it is a derivative of morphine, specifically a hydrogenated ketone thereof—therefore a semi-synthetic drug and both an opiate and a true narcotic.
 
Oxymorphone is related to morphine in the same fashion that oxycodone is to codeine, is derived from thebaine, and is approximately 6–8 times more potent than morphine. [It] generates more euphoria, but less itching and other histamine effects.

A surprised Karo Parisyan told MMA Weekly that he revealed all his medications on his pre-fight medical paperwork, and believed that he had followed proper procedure and was not in violation of any rules. Unfortunately he appears to be, and the ensuing punishment could jeopardize his next fight, which was rumored to be a matchup with Josh Koscheck.

Parisyan has been engaged in a widely publicized battle with panic attacks in recent months — which led to a last-second pullout from a fight against Yoshiyuki Yoshida at UFC 88 in September — but had declined to take anti-depressants to deal with the illness. Whether that decision was due to an unwillingness to complicate his life with athletic commissions, or plain old Armenian Pride, it isn’t clear — but it has now become a moot point.

Parisyan will likely face a fine and a suspension. More details to come.

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(Mis)Adventures in Vegas: UFC 94 Scene Report


(Just try and ignore it, passing motorists.)

Today is my lucky day, Potato Nation.  Here I am in Vegas for UFC 94, and it’s the grand opening of the Tito Ortiz Punishment MMA Store.  What are the odds!?  Even better, the store is conveniently located inside the Hooters Hotel and Casino across from the MGM Grand, where the fights will take place tomorrow night, so naturally I had to drop in and see what kind of sweet Team Punishment gear I could pick up.

A sign informed me that Justin “The Insane 1” McCully and Tiki Ghosn would be signing autographs tomorrow afternoon, thus completing what is perhaps MMA’s greatest D-list event.

The store itself is tiny, and filled with exactly the kinds of clothes you’d expect.  Almost every t-shirt featured either a fist or chains, sometimes a combination of both.  Despite today being the grand opening, however, I was the only person in the store.  Well, aside from the three teenage girls working there, who were all fairly brimming with excitement (see below).

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UFC Not So Sure Karo Parisyan Will Show Up


(Karo suddenly remembers that "Overboard" is on TNT tonight, and immediately wishes he had stayed home. Oh, that Goldie Hawn.)

When we made reference to Karo Parisyan’s physical and mental troubles as reasons why he might not be in optimal shape against Dong Hyun Kim on Saturday, we were partly speculationg and partly joking.  But you know who doesn’t joke around?  The UFC.  And just in case Parisyan burns them again with another late withdrawal in the hours before fight time, they now have a back-up plan.

MMA Mania says the UFC has 7-2 Rick Story (just think of the nickname possibilities, such as "Bedtime" or "Cinderella") waiting in the wings to step in as a replacement for Parisyan if needed.  It would be Story’s first UFC appearance, though he does have a couple of quality wins against guys like Brandon Melendez and Jake Ellenberger under his belt, so he’s no chump.  

But if Parisyan really does pull out on extremely short notice again, you’d have to think that would spell the end of his UFC career.  The fact that the UFC is worried enough about it to have a replacement on hand is already a sign of their complete lack of faith in him.  

On the flip side, it also means that expectations are so low all he really has to do to exceed them is step in the Octagon on Satuday night without freaking out.  This is one of those few times in life where just showing up is enough, much like your wedding day.  And the creeping sense of dread and regret that follows?  You can just push that way down in your subconscious for years until it finally boils to the surface.  So come on, Karo.  Keep it together.

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UFC Looks Abroad for Contenders

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(Dong Hyun Kim could soon be scrapping with the likes of Mike Swick and Marcus Davis. Photo courtesy of MMAWeekly.com.)

Most American MMA fans may be unfamiliar with the UFC’s two most recent hires, but both men look poised to punch a hole in their competition. First up is Rousimar Palhares, a Brazilian Top Team member who the UFC just signed to add some spark to their middling middleweight division. Palhares has a 7-1 record, with six of those wins coming via first-round stoppage (mostly submissions), and he won the Fury FC middleweight Grand Prix last month with swift victories over Fabio Negao and Daniel Acacio. Check out this video of his fight with Negao, and the acrobatic leg-lock he finishes the match with at the video’s 3:49 mark:

Joining the UFC’s relatively crowded welterweight division will be Dong Hyun Kim, an undefeated Korean fighter who holds wins over Hidehiko Hasegawa, Hidenobo Koike, and Yukiharu Maejima in the DEEP organization. Five of Kim’s eight wins have come by KO/TKO, including this first-round mauling of Kousei Kubota, who asked for the punishment by stomping on Kim’s feet with shoes on:

So, the dude can bang. Look for Kim to make his first Octagon appearance as early as March.

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