(Always the craftiest of the Cabbage Patch Kids, “Funky” would wait until nap time to pounce upon his enemies.) 

Although Ben Askren may be the king of Bellator’s welterweight division for the time being, he certainly isn’t earning any new fans inside or outside of the cage, and in fact is likely losing them in droves. On the heels of yet another tepid, albeit title-retaining performance against Douglas Lima at Bellator 64, Askren returned to his day job as the most successful Serta mattress salesman in the world and decided to start shit-stirring with UFC President Dana White.

It started when DW stated at the UFC on FUEL post-fight press conference that it would be “impossible” to administer random drug tests to the over three hundred members of the UFC’s current roster. The general public’s initial response to the notion was that of skepticism. While it would be incredibly difficult to perform random drug tests on fighters based all over the planet, it would not be impossible, and would help avoid situations like the Alistair Overeem/UFC 146 calamity that the UFC currently finds themselves facing.

Apparently not impressed with White’s view on the matter, Askren took to Twitter and let his feelings be known:

@Benaskren
The USOC random tests Olympic athletes in all sports. Dana saying testing his fighters would be impossible is a bold faced lie.

Who knew that the most significant blow Askren ever threw would be to that of his own career?

An artist’s rendering of what Askren’s ground and pound might look like (Photo: Sherdog.com)

I’m not going to say that this was the most boring Bellator card in recent memory, but I will tell you that my DVR got tired of recording it and gave up before the Welterweight title fight had even begun. One of the risks of live televised fights is that they’ll go over the allotted time frame, particularly during a decision-laden event like Bellator 64. For those fans who don’t appreciate the nuances of champion Ben Askren’s suffocating ground game, having the evening’s finale blotted from your television may have been a blessing in disguise.

This season’s Bantamweight tournament kicked off with a quarterfinal pairing of undefeated twenty year old Rodrigo Lima and the seasoned Hiroshi Nakamura. Lima found himself on his back throughout the fight, but took no rest on the canvas as he tirelessly worked for every submission in the book. Nakamura—whose 87% win-by-decision record could compete with any of the UFC’s top grinders—kept all four limbs out of serious danger and stifled Lima’s ground game long enough to launch some ground and pound in the third frame. His takedowns and top control, coupled with a point awarded for absorbing a pair of unintentional knees to the nuts, were enough to bring home the unanimous 29-27 decision.

(Somehow, we don’t think Ben will be smiling after this fight.)

Bellator Fighting Championships announced today that the previously unannounced April 6 event we broke the news about last week will feature a main event scrap between Bellator welterweight champion Ben Askren and season 5 tournament winner Douglas Lima.

As we mentioned, the event, officially named as Bellator 64, will take place at Caesar’s Windsor.

(Saunders-Lima, via Zombie Prophet)

While every fight fan in North America turned to FOX to catch the UFC’s broadcast debut, then made their way to pay-per-view to witness boxing’s continued fall from legitimacy, the family members of Bellator’s fighters and people hoping to catch reruns of “Daria” headed over to MTV 2 for the conclusion of their Season 5 welterweight and middleweight tournaments.

Ben Saunders opened his match by trying to take Douglas Lima’s head off with a series of kicks, but when those failed to meet their mark the two fighters clinched and headed for the cage where they’d jockey for position and trade a few obligatory knees and punches. Thrice referee Yves Lavigne separated the pair only to see them return to the fence and grind the fight to a halt. With under a minute left, Lima caught a kick and slammed Saunders to the mat but was instantly swept and mounted. “Killa B” closed out the round in control and dropping a score of hard, short elbows on Lima’s skull. Saunders drove in for the clinch at the onset of round two, but yet another break by Lavigne gave Lima the space he needed to work. “The Phenom” slipped a Saunders right and countered with one of his own. That one punch would be enough. Saunders crumbled to the mat and Lima followed up with hammerfists until shoved away. Lima’s effort earned him the tournament championship, $100 G’s, and a shot at Welterweight Champion Ben Askren.

(Rashad gets booed. Forrest gets giddy.GIF courtesy of ZombieProphet)

We figured you could all use a little entertainment to help you through another case of the Mondays, so we’ve compiled a few of the weekend’s GIF-worthy moments for your viewing pleasure.

Enjoy more animated goodness after the jump.

(Videos via IronForgesIron)

When you’re fighting a guy nicknamed “The Arm Collector”, who has won twelve of his sixteen victories by armbar, you might spend extra time working on your takedown defense. And maybe resist the urge to stick your arms out during the fight. I emphasize “you”, because Darryl Cobb, the middleweight who fought Giva “The Arm Collector” Santana on the undercard of Bellator 53 last night in Miami, Oklahoma, did not have the same gameplan. Giva Santana is now 17-1 in his MMA career, his only loss a split-decision at the hands of Bellator veteran Jaime Jara.

In main card action, Ben Saunders picked up his fourth straight victory since being bounced from the UFC by submitting Luis Santos in the third round. Killa B showed off a much more well-rounded attack than what we’re accustomed to seeing from him, thoroughly out-grappling Santos for the entire fight. In other welterweight tournament action, Douglas Lima picked up a brutal second round knockout against Cleveland native Chris Lozano. Lima has now won eight straight fights, and will meet Ben Saunders at Bellator 56 on November 12 to determine the winner of the welterweight tournament.

(Chris Lozano jacks Brent Weedman with an uppercut during their three-rounder at Caesars Atlantic City. Photo via Bellator)

Bellator’s fifth season kicked off last night, featuring the quarterfinals of their latest welterweight tournament. Still undefeated since his release from the UFC last year, Ben Saunders grabbed his second Bellator victory — and a spot in the semi-finals — in classic “Killa B” fashion, abusing Chris Cisneros for two rounds before ending the bout early in the third frame with a storm of knees from his infamous Thai clinch. Former MFC welterweight champion Douglas Lima also impressed in his promotional debut, winning a unanimous decision over Steve Carl.

On a less-triumphant note, former Bellator standouts Chris Weedman and Dan Hornbuckle ate their second-consecutive losses at the event. Weedman, who ran through his first four opponents under the Bellator banner before getting outpointed by Jay Hieron at the Season 4 Welterweight Finals, fell short once again against Chris Lozano. Weedman took the first round easily on the strength of a knockdown and a slam-takedown, but Lozano controlled the next ten minutes and won a unanimous nod from the judges. Earlier in the evening, Dan Hornbuckle was thoroughly handled by season Brazilian vet Luis “Sapo” Santos.

Above is the decidedly high-def looking promo for Bellator’s fifth season, kicking off on September 10th in Atlantic City, New Jersey. I mention the spiffyness of the visuals because one of the few complaints that I’ve ever leveled at BFC is the standard definition broadcasting. When the trailer was released a few weeks ago, I honestly thought it was just a little accidental irony.

Nope. A couple of days ago, it was announced that Bellator season five tournaments will be broadcast in HD baby! Now go dig out your cable programming guide and try to determine if you have EPIX. I’ve never heard of it, but apparently it’s an actual channel somewhere, so I’m going to call DISH Network and start offering them money until they can confirm that I’ll see Bellator in 1080p.

If you’re not excited about the upcoming season, watch that video again. You may not realize it, but that’s Bruce Lee talking about being like water. It’s some deep philosophical type shit, and it’s pretty much him guaranteeing that he’s going to join a tournament and wreck shop. Seeing the founder of Jeet Kun Do step away from his acting career and FINALLY step into the cage is going to be sick, and I’m looking forward to putting an end to all that speculation about how good he’d be.

(For an actual preview of two of the four planned tournaments this season, come on in past the jump.)

“…and I also understand that he always takes a penny, and never leaves one. He once killed a puppy with a kitten. He wears black all the time. He’s a malefactor, a villain. I don’t really know him from Adam, but f*ck that guy.”

Mark Pavelich, the owner/CEO/Gran High Poo-bah of Maximum Fighting Championships, is not the kind of guy who holds back his feelings. He’s an expressive, gregarious type who uses Twitter like he was getting bonuses for followers, and describing him as “outspoken” would be like saying Amy Winehouse liked to get high.* And right now, he’s feeling pretty pissed off at the Son of Winnebago Man.

It seems that recent moves by Bellator, particularly acquiring top MFC talents Douglas Lima and Ryan Ford, has worked the Pav’s nerves to the point that he had to go on Twitter to air his grievances, and then follow that up with an interview so he make sure that everyone understood the words that were coming out of his mouth. Pavelich insists that Bellator has signed unspecified fighters that are currently under contract with MFC, and Bjorn is an idiot. Furthermore, Pavelich doesn’t even know who this Bjorn guy is.

(Ford will finally get his shot with a top three promotion.)

Canada’s number 5 ranked welterweight Ryan “The Real Deal” Ford has signed on with his first major U.S. promotion. According to the Edmonton, Alberta fighter, he has come to terms with Bellator Fighting Championships and will make his debut with the Chicago-based promotion in October during season 5 at Casino Rama in Rama, Ontario against a yet-to-be determined opponent in a non-tournament bout and will then participate in next season’t welterweight bracket that begins in January 2012.

Ford posted the following on his Facebook page this afternoon:

“The Real Deal Will Be Keepin It GDUP For Bellator Fighting Championships. Debut In October @ Casino Rama Then The 170lb 100k Tournament In January 2012 Representing E-Town And Canada!!!!”

(A sign outside MFC headquarters reads: “Champions Wanted: Apply Within”)

MMAWeekly is reporting that Maximum Fighting Championships welterweight champion Douglas Lima (18-4) will reportedly vacate his MFC title to sign on for Bellator’s season 5 welterweight tournament. If he does, the Edmonton, Alberta promotion will be left with no contracted champions on its roster.

Earlier this month the organization unceremoniously and inexplicably stripped lightweight champion Antonio McKee (25-4-2) of his belt when it announced that Drew Fickett and Hermes Franca would be fighting for the vacant strap at MFC 30 on June 10. The problem is, nobody told McKee that he was no longer the MFC champ. He had to read the news online that Fickett and Franca were to fight for his belt.