(The Emanuel Newton vs. King Mo spinning-backfist falling-tree knockout, via RockOwnsPunk.)

When you’re watching a Bellator event, you can only hope that a memorable finish or two will make up for the general lack of star power compared to those other guys. And oh man, did last night’s Bellator 90 event in West Valley City, Utah, deliver the goods, with all four fights on the Spike TV main card ending within the first two rounds, and three more stoppages featured on the prelims.

But the card’s generous helping of violence was a mixed blessing, since the list of victims included Bellator’s light-heavyweight marquee attraction, and their marketable featherweight inspirational figure. If you didn’t tune in last night, here’s what you missed:

Season 8 Welterweight Semi-Finals: Ben Saunders faced Raul Amaya for the second time in his Bellator stint, and while Killa B completely dominated their first meeting en route to a unanimous decision win, he didn’t even let Amaya out of the first round this time. Amaya was aggressive from the opening bell, but wasn’t able to find his range against the lanky Saunders, who landed counter-punches and body-kicks at will, before putting Amaya’s lights out with a left high kick. (GIF here, via ZombieProphet/BloodyElbow)

The fight on the other side of the 170-bracket was just as quick and one-sided. Douglas Lima didn’t give Bryan Baker a chance to get in the fight, abusing Baker’s legs with low kicks for a couple minutes, then firing a devastating right hand that crumpled “The Beast” to the mat. Lima will now face Saunders in the Season 8 Welterweight Tournament Final at Bellator 93, in a rematch of their Season 5 Welterweight Tournament Final in November 2011, which Lima won by knockout.

(Sorry Ben, I don’t think we can count those as “significant strikes.” GIF via ZombieProphet/BloodyElbow)

For the first time since his controversial technical submission of Ryan Thomas during his Bellator debut three years ago, Ben Askren has finished an opponent. Sure, it was one of those sort-of-assisted finishes where the doctor steps in between rounds to wave the fight off, but let’s not take anything anything away from Funky Ben, here: The undefeated Bellator welterweight champion smashed the living dog-poop out of Karl Amoussou for three full rounds last night, and might have permanently injured him had the fight gone on any longer.

It was a prototypical performance from Askren, who spent most of the fight on top of Amoussou, throwing down punches and elbows. Still, there seemed to be a greater sense of urgency from the champ in this fight, a little more intention with his strikes. He slashed open a cut above Amoussou’s eye with an elbow in the first round, and by the end of round three, Amoussou’s left eye was swollen shut and his face was a wet canvas of blood. The fight was mercifully stopped before the fourth round could begin, giving Askren a well-deserved TKO victory.

“I told you guys that it was just a matter of time before my hands got some power in them,” Askren said after the fight. “I dominate positionally, and my hands [have] power too. Welterweights anywhere in the world better watch out, I’m coming.” Askren’s next challenge will likely be the winner of this season’s welterweight tournament, which produced four semifinalists last night…

(It took forty minutes and 13 Vodka cranberries before War Machine realized that this wasn’t the Jenna Jameson cutout he had ordered.) 

Although Bellator’s current bidding war with Eddie Alvarez has snagged all of the headlines, the promotion actually does have a card worth discussing at the end of the month in Bellator 86. Including King Mo’s promotional debut and a headlining welterweight title fight between Ben Askren and…WAIT, WHERE ARE YOU GOING? DON’T YOU DARE LOOK AWAY FROM ME. Askren will be fighting Karl Amoussou, who stands a better chance at ending the most uneventful title reign in MMA history than most of Askren’s challengers so far. I’M SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS.

In news you might define as “exciting,” elsewhere on the card will be the first round of action in Bellator’s next welterweight tournament, which features such former tournament participants as Ben Saunders, Douglas Lima, and Raul Amaya taking on Koffi Adzisto, Michail Tsarev, and Jose Reyes respectively. Also booked for the tourney is cursed in America fighter and recipient of truly the worst beating of 2012, Marius Zaromskis, who will be squaring off against Brent Weedman. Nearly half of these participants have faced one another before (Saunders has fought Amaya and Lima, who has fought Weedman) and six of the eight men have been knocked out of a Bellator welterweight tournament before. I’m not sure what to do with that information, but there it is.

As we know, both War Machine and Paul Daley were pulled from the tourney following a knee injury and a pub brawl, respectively. And in the twisted nightmare this universe has truly become, War Machine was not responsible for the latter. Bellator 86 goes down from the Winstar World Casino in Thackerville, Oklahoma on January 23rd.

And in UFC fight booking news…

Although the UFC has easily secured the top position for “Most Interesting News of the Day,” their rivals over at Bellator have recently revealed a pretty unique feature of their own for their upcoming season on Spike TV. Besides the fact that they are completely exploiting War Machine’s less than positive personal history as a hype tool for his promotional debut*[AWESOME], Bjorn and the boys have debuted an interactive web series dubbed “Vote for the Fight,” which allows you to, wait for it, vote for the very first fight of their 2013 season on Spike TV.

Fans will be given the option to match up any of the following four fighters: Ben Saunders, Paul Daley, Douglas Lima, and our boy War Machine. In addition, Spike TV will be airing a new episode of the web series — which will provide some background and behind-the-scenes info on each of the participants — each Thursday.

Part 1 is above and Part 2 awaits you after the jump.

(Always the craftiest of the Cabbage Patch Kids, “Funky” would wait until nap time to pounce upon his enemies.) 

Although Ben Askren may be the king of Bellator’s welterweight division for the time being, he certainly isn’t earning any new fans inside or outside of the cage, and in fact is likely losing them in droves. On the heels of yet another tepid, albeit title-retaining performance against Douglas Lima at Bellator 64, Askren returned to his day job as the most successful Serta mattress salesman in the world and decided to start shit-stirring with UFC President Dana White.

It started when DW stated at the UFC on FUEL post-fight press conference that it would be “impossible” to administer random drug tests to the over three hundred members of the UFC’s current roster. The general public’s initial response to the notion was that of skepticism. While it would be incredibly difficult to perform random drug tests on fighters based all over the planet, it would not be impossible, and would help avoid situations like the Alistair Overeem/UFC 146 calamity that the UFC currently finds themselves facing.

Apparently not impressed with White’s view on the matter, Askren took to Twitter and let his feelings be known:

@Benaskren
The USOC random tests Olympic athletes in all sports. Dana saying testing his fighters would be impossible is a bold faced lie.

Who knew that the most significant blow Askren ever threw would be to that of his own career?

An artist’s rendering of what Askren’s ground and pound might look like (Photo: Sherdog.com)

I’m not going to say that this was the most boring Bellator card in recent memory, but I will tell you that my DVR got tired of recording it and gave up before the Welterweight title fight had even begun. One of the risks of live televised fights is that they’ll go over the allotted time frame, particularly during a decision-laden event like Bellator 64. For those fans who don’t appreciate the nuances of champion Ben Askren’s suffocating ground game, having the evening’s finale blotted from your television may have been a blessing in disguise.

This season’s Bantamweight tournament kicked off with a quarterfinal pairing of undefeated twenty year old Rodrigo Lima and the seasoned Hiroshi Nakamura. Lima found himself on his back throughout the fight, but took no rest on the canvas as he tirelessly worked for every submission in the book. Nakamura—whose 87% win-by-decision record could compete with any of the UFC’s top grinders—kept all four limbs out of serious danger and stifled Lima’s ground game long enough to launch some ground and pound in the third frame. His takedowns and top control, coupled with a point awarded for absorbing a pair of unintentional knees to the nuts, were enough to bring home the unanimous 29-27 decision.

(Somehow, we don’t think Ben will be smiling after this fight.)

Bellator Fighting Championships announced today that the previously unannounced April 6 event we broke the news about last week will feature a main event scrap between Bellator welterweight champion Ben Askren and season 5 tournament winner Douglas Lima.

As we mentioned, the event, officially named as Bellator 64, will take place at Caesar’s Windsor.

(Saunders-Lima, via Zombie Prophet)

While every fight fan in North America turned to FOX to catch the UFC’s broadcast debut, then made their way to pay-per-view to witness boxing’s continued fall from legitimacy, the family members of Bellator’s fighters and people hoping to catch reruns of “Daria” headed over to MTV 2 for the conclusion of their Season 5 welterweight and middleweight tournaments.

Ben Saunders opened his match by trying to take Douglas Lima’s head off with a series of kicks, but when those failed to meet their mark the two fighters clinched and headed for the cage where they’d jockey for position and trade a few obligatory knees and punches. Thrice referee Yves Lavigne separated the pair only to see them return to the fence and grind the fight to a halt. With under a minute left, Lima caught a kick and slammed Saunders to the mat but was instantly swept and mounted. “Killa B” closed out the round in control and dropping a score of hard, short elbows on Lima’s skull. Saunders drove in for the clinch at the onset of round two, but yet another break by Lavigne gave Lima the space he needed to work. “The Phenom” slipped a Saunders right and countered with one of his own. That one punch would be enough. Saunders crumbled to the mat and Lima followed up with hammerfists until shoved away. Lima’s effort earned him the tournament championship, $100 G’s, and a shot at Welterweight Champion Ben Askren.

(Rashad gets booed. Forrest gets giddy.GIF courtesy of ZombieProphet)

We figured you could all use a little entertainment to help you through another case of the Mondays, so we’ve compiled a few of the weekend’s GIF-worthy moments for your viewing pleasure.

Enjoy more animated goodness after the jump.

(Videos via IronForgesIron)

When you’re fighting a guy nicknamed “The Arm Collector”, who has won twelve of his sixteen victories by armbar, you might spend extra time working on your takedown defense. And maybe resist the urge to stick your arms out during the fight. I emphasize “you”, because Darryl Cobb, the middleweight who fought Giva “The Arm Collector” Santana on the undercard of Bellator 53 last night in Miami, Oklahoma, did not have the same gameplan. Giva Santana is now 17-1 in his MMA career, his only loss a split-decision at the hands of Bellator veteran Jaime Jara.

In main card action, Ben Saunders picked up his fourth straight victory since being bounced from the UFC by submitting Luis Santos in the third round. Killa B showed off a much more well-rounded attack than what we’re accustomed to seeing from him, thoroughly out-grappling Santos for the entire fight. In other welterweight tournament action, Douglas Lima picked up a brutal second round knockout against Cleveland native Chris Lozano. Lima has now won eight straight fights, and will meet Ben Saunders at Bellator 56 on November 12 to determine the winner of the welterweight tournament.

(Chris Lozano jacks Brent Weedman with an uppercut during their three-rounder at Caesars Atlantic City. Photo via Bellator)

Bellator’s fifth season kicked off last night, featuring the quarterfinals of their latest welterweight tournament. Still undefeated since his release from the UFC last year, Ben Saunders grabbed his second Bellator victory — and a spot in the semi-finals — in classic “Killa B” fashion, abusing Chris Cisneros for two rounds before ending the bout early in the third frame with a storm of knees from his infamous Thai clinch. Former MFC welterweight champion Douglas Lima also impressed in his promotional debut, winning a unanimous decision over Steve Carl.

On a less-triumphant note, former Bellator standouts Chris Weedman and Dan Hornbuckle ate their second-consecutive losses at the event. Weedman, who ran through his first four opponents under the Bellator banner before getting outpointed by Jay Hieron at the Season 4 Welterweight Finals, fell short once again against Chris Lozano. Weedman took the first round easily on the strength of a knockdown and a slam-takedown, but Lozano controlled the next ten minutes and won a unanimous nod from the judges. Earlier in the evening, Dan Hornbuckle was thoroughly handled by season Brazilian vet Luis “Sapo” Santos.

Above is the decidedly high-def looking promo for Bellator’s fifth season, kicking off on September 10th in Atlantic City, New Jersey. I mention the spiffyness of the visuals because one of the few complaints that I’ve ever leveled at BFC is the standard definition broadcasting. When the trailer was released a few weeks ago, I honestly thought it was just a little accidental irony.

Nope. A couple of days ago, it was announced that Bellator season five tournaments will be broadcast in HD baby! Now go dig out your cable programming guide and try to determine if you have EPIX. I’ve never heard of it, but apparently it’s an actual channel somewhere, so I’m going to call DISH Network and start offering them money until they can confirm that I’ll see Bellator in 1080p.

If you’re not excited about the upcoming season, watch that video again. You may not realize it, but that’s Bruce Lee talking about being like water. It’s some deep philosophical type shit, and it’s pretty much him guaranteeing that he’s going to join a tournament and wreck shop. Seeing the founder of Jeet Kun Do step away from his acting career and FINALLY step into the cage is going to be sick, and I’m looking forward to putting an end to all that speculation about how good he’d be.

(For an actual preview of two of the four planned tournaments this season, come on in past the jump.)

“…and I also understand that he always takes a penny, and never leaves one. He once killed a puppy with a kitten. He wears black all the time. He’s a malefactor, a villain. I don’t really know him from Adam, but f*ck that guy.”

Mark Pavelich, the owner/CEO/Gran High Poo-bah of Maximum Fighting Championships, is not the kind of guy who holds back his feelings. He’s an expressive, gregarious type who uses Twitter like he was getting bonuses for followers, and describing him as “outspoken” would be like saying Amy Winehouse liked to get high.* And right now, he’s feeling pretty pissed off at the Son of Winnebago Man.

It seems that recent moves by Bellator, particularly acquiring top MFC talents Douglas Lima and Ryan Ford, has worked the Pav’s nerves to the point that he had to go on Twitter to air his grievances, and then follow that up with an interview so he make sure that everyone understood the words that were coming out of his mouth. Pavelich insists that Bellator has signed unspecified fighters that are currently under contract with MFC, and Bjorn is an idiot. Furthermore, Pavelich doesn’t even know who this Bjorn guy is.

(Ford will finally get his shot with a top three promotion.)

Canada’s number 5 ranked welterweight Ryan “The Real Deal” Ford has signed on with his first major U.S. promotion. According to the Edmonton, Alberta fighter, he has come to terms with Bellator Fighting Championships and will make his debut with the Chicago-based promotion in October during season 5 at Casino Rama in Rama, Ontario against a yet-to-be determined opponent in a non-tournament bout and will then participate in next season’t welterweight bracket that begins in January 2012.

Ford posted the following on his Facebook page this afternoon:

“The Real Deal Will Be Keepin It GDUP For Bellator Fighting Championships. Debut In October @ Casino Rama Then The 170lb 100k Tournament In January 2012 Representing E-Town And Canada!!!!”

(A sign outside MFC headquarters reads: “Champions Wanted: Apply Within”)

MMAWeekly is reporting that Maximum Fighting Championships welterweight champion Douglas Lima (18-4) will reportedly vacate his MFC title to sign on for Bellator’s season 5 welterweight tournament. If he does, the Edmonton, Alberta promotion will be left with no contracted champions on its roster.

Earlier this month the organization unceremoniously and inexplicably stripped lightweight champion Antonio McKee (25-4-2) of his belt when it announced that Drew Fickett and Hermes Franca would be fighting for the vacant strap at MFC 30 on June 10. The problem is, nobody told McKee that he was no longer the MFC champ. He had to read the news online that Fickett and Franca were to fight for his belt.