(“No athlete under my watch has ever gotten away with using a rubber fake piss-filled wang. And that’s a fact.”)

When asked about the announcement yesterday that Zuffa is adopting a pre-contract drug screening policy and that the parent company of the UFC and Strikeforce would be stepping up its random drug testing strategy, the former head of the World Doping Agency and one-time vice president of the International Olympic Committee dismissed the news as simply being smoke and mirrors.

Montreal-based lawyer Dick Pound told the Canadian Press that by testing athletes in the month or so prior to and the day of a contracted bout, Zuffa is leaving a wide window of opportunity open for PED use the rest of the year by its athletes.

“It’s complete illusory and obviously intended to be that way.The minute you know when you’ll be tested, it’s very easy to make sure you don’t test positive.”

(I’m still convinced that ‘Reem ate one of those Pit Fighter power-pills before the match.)

MMA Weekly passes along the news that 19 of the 20 fighters who competed on December 30th’s UFC 141: Lesnar vs. Overeem card were tested for drugs of abuse and performance enhancing substances by the Nevada State Athletic Commission, with all 19 testing clean. (Congrats, guys; way to not fuck it up like some people we know.) That includes new UFC heavyweight #1 contender Alistair Overeem, who continues to prove the legitimacy of his beast-like physique. Still, Overeem has to pass two more random drug tests over the next six months to satisfy the conditions of his conditional license.

Only Jon Fitch managed to avoid a post-fight drug test at UFC 141. The only explanation that NSAC executive director Keith Kizer gave for this omission was that “he lost” Which begs the question — why were those nine other losers tested, then? Do you think Brock Lesnar and Nam Phan felt like pissing into cups after the beatings they took?

(“Who nearly f*cked up our end-of-year show main event? This f*cking guy, that’s who.”)

During a scheduled Nevada State Athletic Commission meeting Monday, NSAC announced that Alistair Overeem failed to undergo a random drug test ahead of his UFC 141 heavyweight bout with Brock Lesnar and as a result he was granted a “conditional license” by the governing body.

According to commission records, Lesnar attended a hospital within one day of being told to do so on November 17, where blood and urine samples were taken and the results came back negative for both drugs of abuse and anabolic agents. Overeem did not comply with its request to submit specimens on that date, but instead had one of the two requested samples taken one week later.

Prior to the agenda item, the announcement was foreshadowed as NSAC representatives spoke candidly about all of the issues that have arisen in the past when it comes to testing out of competition outside of North America for various reasons.

Props to @LayzietheSavage for the UStream feed of the proceedings.

Check out the timeline of what went down the past month after the jump.

By Jason Moles

As soon as Joe Rogan put the mic in Chael Sonnen’s face for the customary post-fight comments at UFC 136, it hit us; Sonnen is clearly the best trash talker in the history of the sport.

Everyone watching went bananas as the American Gangster challenged the pound-for-pound king, Anderson Silva, to a ‘Loser Leaves Town’ match. At that point in time there is nothing MMA fans wanted more* than to see that fight happen, Dana White included.

USA Today recently caught a word with UFC President Dana White where he told them that he “would be pretty f*cking stupid not to book Silva vs. Sonnen 2.” It seems that Captain Obvious has reared his head once again to the delight of almost everyone.

This got me thinking about other things that, if left undone, would make Dana White pretty f*cking stupid. Keep on reading below and put me on blast for being a TUF Noob in the comments.

For your sake, I hope you’ve been good this year.

The year is half way over. Days are longer, flip-flops and shorts have replaced boots and pants and yet, the smell of chestnuts roasting on an open fire remains as strong as ever. That can only mean one thing – Christmas in July! Most of you couldn’t care less about another holiday you don’t get off from work, but what if I told you this one was special in that you can make a wish list for Wandy Claus and he’ll give you what you want if you’ve been good all year? You have been good this year, right?

On behalf of MMA fans across the globe, I’ve complied a Christmas in July wish list that, if fulfilled, would bring peace on Earth and good will toward man – or at least would appease a large majority of fans of a fringe sport. Click below to see what made the cut and bash me in the comments for not including your idea.

(Steroids: You’re doing it wrong. Bizarre photo-illustration via SportsNickel)

Last Wednesday, Nevada Governor Brian Sandoval signed a bill that will provide more funds for out-of-competition steroid testing of MMA fighters, boxers, and kickboxers. The money will come from an existing ticket fee, and will pay for random drug screenings at any time, including training periods. The new law goes into effect July 1st.

Currently, the Nevada State Athletic Commission gets $1 per ticket sold for large MMA/boxing events, and 50 cents for smaller events that gross less than $500,000. Some of that money will now be diverted to year-round testing of performance enhancing drugs, both at a professional and amateur level.

It’s not the first time that Nevada has tried to do this. MMAFighting passes along some history:

(“Why is this cup empty?”)

CagePotato.com has learned that the Ontario Athletic Commission did not oversee pre and post-fight drug testing for last night’s UFC 129 event in Toronto, contrary to its current set of MMA rules which state that the commission will “[test] competitors for performance enhancing and illegal drugs, where it is required in the contract between the promoter and the competitors.”

According to former Nevada State Athletic Commission executive director and current UFC Vice President of Government and Regulatory Affairs, Marc Ratner, testing for performance enhancing substances and for drugs of abuse were administered by an unnamed independent laboratory hired by the UFC.

(Maybe they should let some terrible judges go instead as a cost-cutting measure.)

Last week MMAJunkie reported that the Nevada State Athletic Commission will be cutting random year-round drug testing from it’s 2011 budget due to a lack of available funding. The move will free up upwards of $20,000 that the program required to run in the past. In 2009, NSAC received $18,000 in government funds for the testing program. The governing body requested the same amount last year, but only received $12,000, but before the year was over, were asked to give the money, which was mostly spent by that time, back to State regulators.

Because the costs of effectively running the program are simply too great without an outside funding source, the commission has been forced to suspend out-of-competition drug testing. Athletes are still tested either the day prior to an event or immediately following it — sometimes both —  but with adequate time to clean out their systems, fighters can easily test clean even if they have been abusing performance enhancing drugs for months during the rest of the “off-season.”

The question is, should commissions just throw in the towel in the fight against drug use by MMA athletes or should they come up with other means of procuring the funds to try to keep the sport as clean as possible like other professional sports like football, baseball, basketball and hockey do?

Fedor says his widely celebrated Glorious Sweater of Absolute Victory is now retired. Oh also, he still wants Alistair Overeem drug tested if they are to fight in the Strikeforce heavyweight grand prix.

(The photo above was paper-clipped to the front of M-1′s memo to tournament participants that drug testing will be mandatory for the GP. Subtle.)

When Dana White’s favorite Crazy Russian, Vadim Finkelstein speaks, the MMA world listens, mostly just because he usually has a lot of bizarre demands to make.

In a recent interview the head of M-1 did with Russian sports news site Sports.ru, Finkelstein touched on a lot of topics including the Strikeforce heavyweight grand prix, Fedor’s contract status and his recent statement he made about mandatory drug testing in the later rounds of the tournament.

Check out what Vad-Fink had to say after the jump.

(I do this because I love you, Josh.)

At yesterday’s pre-UFC 115 press conference, UFC president Dana White pulled no punches while expressing his opinion of Josh Koscheck’s recent suggestion that Olympic-style drug testing should be used in the weeks leading up to his end of year showdown with Georges St-Pierre.

"I think that’s what an athletic commission is for. The athletic commissions have been around for a long time. When fighters start talking about other guys being drug tested? Shut up. Worry about you. It’s been a long time since somebody [on our roster] tested positive for steroids. When we first took over, guys were popping here and there and I said, ‘You have to be a moron to do steroids in this sport.’ It’s just dumb."

(Kos and Georges enjoy their first staredown on the ‘Ultimate Fighter’ set. Props: twitter.com/ufc)

Now that TUF 12 has started taping, it’s time for Josh Koscheck to start building heat for his December fight against Georges St-Pierre — and he’s following the Floyd Mayweather playbook to the letter. In a story posted last night on MMA Junkie, Koscheck breathed new life into the steroid accusations first brought up by BJ Penn:

"From what I’ve heard from other fighters in other camps, yeah, [St-Pierre] has done steroids and HGH, possibly. I don’t know. This is just on hearsay information that I’ve gotten…B.J. Penn and his camp gave me a little phone call. They were saying, ‘Yeah, he’s on steroids. He’s this; he’s that.’ I said, ‘Yeah, there’s a possibility.’ The guy is pretty ripped all year round…I think Olympic-style testing would be great for our sport. At least you do it a couple times out from the fight. I think it will be a great idea."

Olympic-style drug testing involves taking blood, which is more effective than the standard urine tests used by athletic commissions because it allows for the identification of a greater range of P.E.D.’s, including human growth hormone. But Koscheck’s first attempt at getting one over on St-Pierre was unfruitful, as the champ shook off the accusations without getting too upset, and said he’s down with any testing they throw at him:

(You can thank The Garv for this absolutely necessary photoshop.)

Thanks to reader Kadumel for pointing us to this article in the L.A. Times, in which Nick Diaz reaches new levels of stupidity by telling a reporter exactly how he will beat the California State Athletic Commission’s drug screening process when he fights Frank Shamrock this weekend:

"I’m happy to get loaded, hear some good music . . . I remain consistent. And I have an easy way to deal with [the drug tests].  I can pass a drug test in eight days with herbal cleansers. I drink 10 pounds of water and sweat out 10 pounds of water every day. I’ll be fine."

Goddammit, Nick.  You are fighting in the main event of a card on Showtime.  You are not applying for a job at Hot Topic.  You’re relying on herbal cleansers to keep you from getting fined, suspended, and possibly having the result of your bout changed to a no contest…again!?  Have you learned nothing?

Though he’s being courted by both the UFC and Strikeforce, where he is the reigning heavyweight champ, Alistair Overeem will likely have his next fight back in the K-1 ring.  A report on MixFight.nl, translated by our trusty friend Robert at Free Fight Videos, says Overeem has accepted an offer to fight 2008 K-1 Grand Prix winner Remy Bonjasky at the end of March.

There’s no word yet on whether Bonjasky has officially agreed to the fight, and after seeing what Overeem did to the dude who stomped his head in the finals of the Grand Prix he might be having some doubts.  If he does take the fight he might want to try and bulk up first, considering what a monster Overeem has become.

The bad news for us MMA types is that this further delays Overeem’s return to the land of little gloves.  His recent fights have made me all the more eager to see him in against big time MMA heavyweights, either in the UFC or somewhere else, to see if he can keep up these performances against top-notch opponents in places where there are commissions and – I’ll just say it – drug tests.   Looks like the wait continues.

Just for shits and giggles, rewatch Overeem’s destruction of Badr Hari after the jump.  ‘Cause what else you got to do?