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21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

Tag: Dustin Hazelett

GIF Party: MMA Fails, Volume II


Travis Fulton vs. Jeremy Bullock: just what the hell did they expect to happen?


“Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” -Samuel Beckett

Keeping those words from the first collection in our hearts, we’ve assembled the second installment of moments in MMA that some of us (mostly the athletes involved) would like to forget. The rest of us, we want to see those moments saved forever, preferably in a graphic format that loops endlessly.

First, get your mind right with a fight video from the dark ages of MMA, when any human with a pair of pajamas and some Tae Kwon Do could try that crazy ultimate fightin’ stuff. It was 1998, and Travis Fulton had already had over sixty fights. His opponent was Jeremy Bullock, a skinny guy that probably really liked Bruce Lee movies. Make sure to watch Bullock’s interview, where he shares his keys to victory with everyone, including Fulton. Also watch the fight, where Fulton shares his love for a good pro wrestling-style chokeslam with everyone, including Bullock. (Reportedly, Bullock thinks Bruce Lee is a fucking asshole these days.)

Once you’re done with that piece of history, come on in and we’ll share more moments of infamy, awkwardness, stupidity, and shame. It’s Fail GIF time, kids; let’s party.

As always, big ups, props, and mad respec’ to the GIF masters and the websites that host them: Chris Bunch o’ Numbers, Uncle Justice, Damn Severn, Zombie Prophet, Caposa, UpstandingCitizens, MMA-Core, IronForgesIron, and MMATKO. If we forgot you, it’s not on purpose.

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Wednesday Morning MMA Link Club: Worst Blind Date Ever

Shinya Aoki Yuichiro Nagashima K-1 Dynamite!! 2010
(Shinya Aoki tries to hide his disgust next to kickboxer/cosplayer Yuichiro Nagashima, who he’ll be facing in a strange mixed-rules bout at Dynamite!! 2010. Though we suppose any match against Nagashima could be described as "strange, mixed-rules.")

Some selected highlights from our friends around the MMA blogosphere. E-mail feedback@cagepotato.com for details on how your site can join the MMA Link Club…

- Tito Ortiz vs. Lil’ Nog Will Now Headline UFC Fight Night 24 in Seattle (MMA Convert)

– ‘UFC 127: Penn vs. Fitch’ in Sydney Ties Sellout Record (Versus MMA Beat)

– WEC 53: Five Fights To Make (Heavy.com/MMA)

– Clay Guida: Livin’ in an RV Down by the River [VIDEO] (FightMagazine)

– While His Management Negotiates, Fedor Emelianenko’s Legacy Suffers (MMA Fighting)

– Keith Jardine Gets the Help of the US Secret Service to Prosecute Nemesis Fighting (MiddleEasy)

– Five Reasons Why Jake Shields Will Beat Georges St. Pierre (Or Not) (LowKick)

– Roxanne Modafferi Discusses Fight With Hitomi Akano at Sengoku’s New Year’s Event (Five Ounces of Pain)

– Eddie Bravo Breaks Down What Went Wrong in Dustin Hazelett’s Loss to Mark Bocek (MMA Scraps)

– The MMA Year In Review Part 1: Randy Couture, Herschel Waker, James Toney and More (SBNation.com/MMA)

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And Now He’s Fired: Dustin Hazelett


(Well, it looks like the UFC just lost its anorexic hipster fanbase.)

Reports surfaced today that lightweight Dustin Hazelett has been released by the UFC and CagePotato.com has since been able to substantiate the story with sources close to the Cincinnati-based fighter.

Although he is a respectable .500 in the Octagon, a third straight loss by Hazelett in the form of a first round submission to Canadian grappling standout Mark Bocek at UFC 124 earlier this month pretty much signed the release papers of the Louisa, Kentucky native.

Known for his seemingly impossible submissions — many of which earned him Submission of the Night honors, Hazelett will look to rack up a hand full of victories in regional promotions to earn himself another shot with the UFC in 2011. Competition next year will likely be greater considering the amalgamation of the WEC’s lightweight division with the UFC’s, so it may take more than a few wins over a few unseasoned opponents for McLovin to make it back to the Octagon.


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Hazelett vs. Bocek Signed for UFC 124 in Montreal


(Hazelett could easily drop five pounds by shaving off his Unabomber beard.)

CagePotato.com has learned that Dustin Hazelett will return to lightweight for the first time since facing Diego Saraiva at that weight in 2007 to challenge another submission specialist at UFC 124.

According to sources close to the fight, "McLovin" will take on Canadian grappling standout Mark Bocek on the Montreal, Quebec card, which, although the event details have yet to be officially announced, will likely take place on December 11 at the Bell Centre.

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‘UFC 108: Evans vs. Silva’ — Live Results + Commentary

Joe Rogan Thiago Silva UFC 108
("’Ey check me out, guys, I’m Joe Hogan. ‘Duhhhh…I do drugs…duhhhh…crazy, high-level zhoo-zhitsu…duhhhh…eat this buffalo penis and I’ll give you money…duhhhh’." Photo courtesy of the UFC 108 Weigh In Pics set on CombatLifestyle.)

Strap yourselves in, fight fans — IT’S TIME FOR THE MOST HIGHLY ANTICIPATED GRUDGE MATCH OF 2010. (So like, since yesterday, basically.) After a powerful curse stole nine fighters from the lineup, the survivors are ready to show that their brothers didn’t blow out their knees and catch staph in vain. For those of you paying for this pay-per-view, console yourself with the fact that the shittiest cards can often be the most suprisingly awesome. They can also be just as shitty as advertised, but we’ll try to stay positive for now. Complete UFC 108 results — from the Spike TV prelim fights all the way through Rashad Evans vs. Thiago Silva — await you after the jump. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest…

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Quick Hits: Hazelett in For Condit, Tavares in For Stevens, + More


(Do yourself a favor, skip to the 4:15 mark to see Ariel Helwani ask Diego Sanchez about the Yes! Cartwheel.  It’s all cool until Helwani asks him to do it, and then it is suddenly not cool at all.)

Diego Sanchez believes it is his destiny to become a UFC champion, though there are a lot of other guys who think the same thing and will never get there.  What’s the difference between them and Diego?  A positive attitude and a willingness to look directly into the camera even when being interviewed by someone who is standing right next to him.  In other news around the MMA world:

- Paul Daley’s rant about what a "big pussy" Carlos Condit is turned out to be oddly prescient, as the UFC has reportedly decided to give him Dustin Hazelett at UFC 108, as Daley suggested.  Hazelett got screwed out of his fight at UFC 106 when Karo Parisyan threw away his career pulled out of the bout, and now the submissions ace gets what is likely to be an easier style match-up against Daley.  Provided, that is, that he can get him to the mat.

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Karo Parisyan’s UFC Return Pits Him Against His Greatest Foe: His Own Mind

Karo Parisyan
(Just relax, breathe deeply, and picture everyone in their underwear.)

It’s been a tough couple of years for Karo Parisyan.  The Armenian-born judoka who once famously declared himself “too talented to train,” has been sidelined for the last nine months due to a suspension resulting from his use of painkillers prior to his split decision win (subsequently changed to a no contest) against Dong Hyun Kim at UFC 94.  Before that, he pulled out of UFC 88 the night before the weigh-ins with a back injury aggravated by panic attacks, and that was after his TKO loss to Thiago Alves.  What I’m saying here is, the man’s been going through some trials and tribulations.

Now he returns at UFC 106 to take on submission specialist/supernerd Dustin Hazelett and the question remains, what’s the deal with Karo?  Is he still a UFC caliber fighter, or just a guy with an inflated sense of self who might fly off the handle and demand to know whether you’re aware of who he is?  According to what Parisyan told UFC.com, he realizes that he hasn’t been about much lately, and that’s because his most difficult struggle is just being trapped inside his own head:

“I’m not making any excuses for my last few fights, but anxiety played a huge role in me not being properly prepared. Anxiety takes over your life. I have it under control now, but imagine having anxiety all night and not being able to sleep because you’re worrying about every little thing. How are you going to be able to train and fight when you’re dealing with something like that?”

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Karo Parisyan to Return From Suspension Against Hazelett @ UFC 106

Karo Parisyan MMA UFC
("Forget about these worthless idiots," the lion told Karo. "Soon we’ll bathe in their blood, and their children’s blood." And in the room was an echoing silence. Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle.)

With his nine-month suspension for painkiller use winding down, Karo Parisyan is ready to get his career back on track. The welterweight veteran will be returning to the Octagon at UFC 106 (November 21st, Las Vegas) against 23-year-old submission artist Dustin "McLovin" Hazelett. Parisyan’s last appearance was in January at UFC 94, where he scratched out a split-decision win against Dong Hyun Kim; the result was changed to a no contest following Parisyan’s positive test for Hydrocodone, Hydromorphone, and Oxymorphone. Before that, the Heat suffered a TKO loss against Thiago Alves in April 2008, meaning that he hasn’t scored a legitimate win since his unanimous decision over Ryo Chonan at UFC 78. Hazelett is coming off back-to-back victories (and back-to-back Submission of the Night bonuses) thanks to his acrobatic armbars against Josh Burkman and Tamdan McCrory, but he hasn’t competed since last November due to injury. So whose grappling will be stronger? And whose ring rust will be rustier?

Besides the main events of Brock Lesnar vs. Shane Carwin and Tito Ortiz vs. Mark Coleman, UFC 106 is also expected to feature a welterweight bout between Jon Fitch and Ricardo Almeida, which will be Almeida’s 170-pound debut. Not exactly easing him into the division, are they?

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Amir Sadollah Out of UFC 91 with Leg Infection


(Looks like Sadollah’s first non-TUF fight is going to have to wait.)

Ultimate Fighter 7 winner Amir Sadollah won’t be fighting at UFC 91 this weekend after all, as UFC.com reports that a leg infection has forced him off the card. What with the fight just a couple of days away, the UFC couldn’t find a suitable replacement and has given up trying, so the bout is being scratched altogether.

Sorry, Nick Catone. That big UFC debut you’ve been training for, the one you told all your friends and family about, it ain’t happening. Look on the bright side: at least you’re still undefeated.

Since the bout leaves a hole in the televised portion of the event, the UFC is going to bump Tamdan McCrory-Dustin Hazelett up from the darkness to make up for it. You hear that, “Barn Cat”? You’re going to fight on TV in front of a Dana White-estimated 1.2 million households. Your struggles with women are finally over, my man.

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Sanchez, Hazelett Top TUF 7 Finale Payouts

Dustin Hazelett UFC Josh Burkman
(Dustin Hazelett earning his bonus money. Photo courtesy of UFC.com.)

The list of official salaries from the Ultimate Fighter 7 Finale has been released by the Nevada State Athletic Commission. The numbers are below; each winning fighter’s payout represents a doubling of his base salary.

Diego Sanchez: $70,000
Dustin Hazelett: $64,000 (includes $20,000 Submission of the Night bonus and $20,000 Fight of the Night bonus)
Drew McFedries: $46,000 (includes $20,000 Knockout of the Night bonus)
Spencer Fisher: $36,000
Kendall Grove: $32,000
Josh Burkman: $30,000 (includes $20,000 Fight of the Night bonus)
Dean Lister: $28,000
Jeremy Horn: $25,000
Evan Tanner: $25,000
Amir Sadollah: $16,000
Matthew Riddle: $16,000
Jeremy Stephens: $16,000
Matt Brown: $16,000
Luigi Fioravanti: $10,000
Marvin Eastman: $9,000
C.B. Dollaway: $8,000
Dante Rivera: $8,000
Matt Arroyo: $8,000
Tim Credeur: $8,000*
Cale Yarbrough: $8,000*
Rob Kimmons: $6,000
Rob Yundt: $5,000

* Credeur and Yarbrough both reportedly received their to-show salaries, even though their match was canceled the night of the fight due to Credeur testing positive for Adderall.

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