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Tag: Dustin Hazelett

UFC 82: Coffee Enemas & 150 Days of Suspensions

(I like my ‘chino enemas with extra foam.)

For those of you unaware, the UFC had an event on Saturday – UFC 82. We’ve given you results & commentary, payouts, 7/11 encounters, Chuck-Heads, and more. And to cap off our thoroughly kick-ass coverage of it all, here are the traditional Monday-after suspensions.

The Ohio Athletic Commission has revealed that only four of the fighters from the event have been slapped with medical suspensions. Each of the fighters who got the on-hold ruling lost via KO or TKO, although no broken bones or lacerations were reported. Since, Yushin Okami has been said to have broken his hand while KOing Evan Tanner and Josh Koscheck possibly might have broken his as well while dealing Dustin Hazelett his TKO and subsequent medical suspension.

Evan Tanner pulled a 60-day suspension, while O’Brien, Hazelett and Sakara all got 30-day suspensions. Overall, pretty tame suspensions for a major MMA event.

However, the best suspension announcement was Luke Cummo’s caffeine overload suspension. Fightlinker “broke” the story early today that Luke Cummo had received a three-month suspension for having “extremely elevated caffeine levels beyond anything the commission had ever seen before.”

“Normally we don’t pay that much attention to the level of caffeine in a fighter’s blood,” said OAC commissioner Warren Petty. “But Luke Cummo’s readings were off the chart. At first we thought there must be a mistake with the test, but follow ups showed that our original findings were accurate. This guy must have been tripping balls in the Octagon.”

Oh, you had us until tripping balls, although I wouldn’t put it past the made-up OAC member, Warren Petty, to say something like that. The story went on to say 3-liter coffee enemas were to blame, but luckily MMA Weekly was johnny-on-the-spot and squashed this one – not that anyone was buying it after “tripping balls”. However, OAC executive director Bernie Profato wasn’t too happy about the hoax story and had this to say about the matter:

“I’ll be contacting the state’s Attorney General office (on Tuesday) to see what options we have in this type of matter because this is absolutely not true.”

I’m sure Zuffa will be filing suit soon as well.